I Love Lucy (1951) s05e16 Episode Script

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) Boy, these English people are sure friendly.
What a party! Well, I'm glad you had a good time.
Didn't you? If you ask me, the English people are a little too friendly.
Especially that drooling debutante you danced with all night.
All night? How many times did I dance with her? I'm sure I didn't count.
Three times.
Five.
Three times.
You danced with her three times.
You intermissioned her twice.
Now, honey, it's very flattering of you to be jealous but I didn't ask her, she asked me.
Can't you say no? Of course not.
It's not polite.
Don't forget, we're guests here in London.
You'd better learn how to be rude before we get to Paris.
Now, honey, that girl is just a fan.
She saw my last performance at the Palladium.
I have to be nice to my public.
Oh, sure- your pretty, young public.
You weren't being very nice to all of those ugly, old public sitting around.
Angela Randall is just a nice, stagestruck girl.
Aha! "Aha" what? You know her name.
Of course I know her name.
Yeah, well ha-ha! What's wrong with asking her name? The first time you danced with me, you asked me my name, and look what happened.
Well, everybody makes a mistake once in a while.
What?! Honey, I danced with the girl three times.
I'll probably never see her again.
You don't have to start an international "instant.
" I'll start over whatever I want (phone ringing) with an international incident.
Oh, look, you woke up I can do what I want about it.
You woke up everybody in the hotel.
I don't care who I woke up! Ay-ay-ay.
Hello.
Yeah, speaking.
Who? Oh.
Oh, yes.
Yes, sir, I have certainly heard of you, sir.
Well, I'd be delighted to.
Tomorrow morning? Wonderful.
Good-bye.
Who was that? That was Sir Clive Richardson.
The Sir Clive Richardson? Yeah.
He wants to talk to me about a picture deal.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
You know, there's a whole layout of him on the London Times today.
Really? Look.
On his country estate.
It's called Berkshire Manor.
See, that's Sir Clive right there on his horse.
Oh, yeah.
"Sir Clive Richardson, well-known cinema producer, is pictured above, just after riding to hounds.
" "Riding to hounds"? What's that? Oh, honestly, Ricky.
Don't they do anything in Cuba? That's what they call fox hunting.
Oh, oh.
Oh, gee, what I wouldn't give if Sir Clive would invite us to his country estate for the weekend.
Ricky, you've just got to get us an invitation.
I don't gotta do nothing; I haven't even met the man.
Oh, but it'll be so easy.
He'll be right here.
All you have to do is ask him.
Oh, honey, don't be ridiculous.
I couldn't do a thing like that.
Well, I could.
Lucy, you don't want to be a moocher, do you? Just call me "Minnie.
" Now, look, I forbid you to ask him.
Oh, I won't come right out and ask him.
I'll just hint around, you know.
Nothing doing.
Just forget it.
But, honey, it's such a big estate.
we were there.
Now, Lucy, American tourists have a reputation for being pushy and I don't want to add to that reputation.
Oh Now, listen, promise me.
No hinting, no word, no nothing.
Oh Promise? All right, I'll promise! Don't be so pushy.
(knock at door) Is the coast clear? Yeah.
Ricky's getting dressed.
He's been trying to get rid of me all morning.
I'll bet.
Did you get it? I did.
The right size? I know your size.
Now, you know the plan.
Yes.
We telephone you at exactly 11:30.
Right.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk What's the matter with you? How come we always get sucked into Lucy's wild schemes? Because we're a couple of shnooks, that's why.
Okay, I just wanted to know.
Lucy.
Yeah? Uh, honey, do you think you could get us invited for the weekend, too? No.
Now, Ethel, I can only wangle for two.
Well, as long as you're wangling for two, it No, now, honey, two is just right.
Four would be overwangling.
Shh.
ETHEL: Oh, hi, Rick.
FRED: Hi, Rick.
Hi.
Uh, we just, uh, dropped in to say good-bye.
We're going someplace.
Good.
I was expecting a guest.
Why don't you take Lucy with you? Oh, I've already been there.
Why don't you go again, dear? Well, I didn't like it the first time.
What didn't you like the first time? Wherever they're going.
She didn't like it.
No, I didn't.
No, she didn't.
Well, good-bye, Rick.
We'll see you later.
So long, Rick.
We'll talk to you later.
Okay.
Come on.
Bye.
Come on, Fred.
Bye.
Lucy, uh why don't you go shopping or-or, you know, go sightseeing, take a bus ride.
Right here, spend some money- go ahead.
You wouldn't by any chance be trying to get rid of me, would you? Who, me? Why, honey, how can you say such a thing? It's just that Sir Clive is coming over, and there'll be a lot of boring talk, you know.
Yeah, well, I happen to be very fond of boring talk.
It's one of my hobbies.
I took it in high school- "Boring Talk 1A.
" (phone rings) Yes? Sir Clive? Oh, ask him to come up, please.
Thank you.
Lucy Hmm? remember your promise.
No hinting about a weekend invitation.
I won't say a word.
(knock at door) Mr.
Ricardo? Sir Clive! How are you, sir? How do you do? I'm very glad to see you.
May I help you with your coat? Thanks very much.
Yes, sir.
Come right in, please.
Oh.
Oh, Sir Clive, this is my wife, Lucy.
Delighted.
Oh, it is in-indeed an honor to meet you, Sir Clive, sir.
Oh, no trouble, no trouble.
Will you be seated? Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Uh, Sir Clive, you know, I want to tell you something.
Last night when you called me after you revealed your identity, I was completely flabbergasted.
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
I beg your pardon? Oh, uh, oh, Ricky said last night when you called and revealed your identity, he was completely flabbergasted.
You-you could have knocked him over with a feather.
He was that surprised.
Oh, oh, quite, yes.
Yes, uh, yes, I-I must explain that call.
My daughter's idea, you know.
She's quite a fan of yours.
She thinks that you would be absolutely smashing in the British cinema.
Oh.
Yeah, well Oh.
Oh, Sir Clive said that he wanted to explain about the call.
It was his daughter's idea.
She's a fan of yours, and she thinks you'd be a big hit in British movies.
Oh! He says, "Oh!" Oh.
He says, "Oh.
" Well, if you'll excuse me, I know you both have scads of things to talk about.
So, uh, I'll see you a little later, perhaps.
Yes, very good, yes.
Uh, Mr.
Ricardo, uh, my daughter tells me that you've just recently finished a cinema in America.
A cinnamon in America? Yes.
She said you've just completed one.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes! I- I-I just completed a cinnamon in America.
I beg your pardon? What you just said, I did it.
Oh! The cinema, the cinema! Yes.
Yes.
so that after we finish this European tour, I don't have any other engagements.
Splendid, splendid.
Say, I must be doing better.
I must be talking a lot better.
You understood the last two things I said.
I say! What? You know, I must be improving, too.
You understood me.
(laughing): Yes, yes.
Well, you know, just give us a little time.
We'll get along fine.
Well, I'm sure we will.
Yes, indeed.
Tallyho.
Lucy, what's that? What's what? That.
Oh, oh, this is my new outfit for the weekend.
Charming.
Thank you, Sir Clive.
But we are not going anyplace for the weekend.
Oh, didn't I tell you? Tell me what? Well, you know, my fondest dream has always been to spend a weekend on one of those fabulous English country estates.
My dream has finally come true.
The earl has invited us.
The earl? What earl? Didn't I tell you? It seems to be a lot of things that you didn't tell me.
Well, Fred and Ethel- they're our friends, the Mertzes- uh, met this earl in the lobby.
The Mertzes met an earl in the lobby? Yes.
And one thing led to another, before they knew it, the earl had invited us to his country estate for a ripping weekend of riding and shooting just like we do at home.
Oh, I say, which earl is it? I mean, what's the chap's name? How was that again? He wants to know the earl's name.
I heard him.
Well, what is his name? Uh You know, I know most of the fellows down there.
Uh, Earl of, uh, Gloucester? Mm Earl of, uh, Twickenham? I know- Earl of Chichester.
No, uh No, I think it's the, uh, Earl of Wilson.
Earl of Wilson? Yes, he's a new one.
He's just been promoted from assistant earl.
Oh, well, very well.
The country down there simply crawling with earls, isn't it? Yes, isn't it? (laughs) Uh, by the way, evidently, you must be quite a horsewoman, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Oh oh, quite.
Oh, what a shame.
If I'd only known, you could have come down to my place for the weekend.
Oh, well, that's very sweet of you, Sir Clive, but thanks just the same.
Oh (phone rings) I'll get it.
I'll get it, dear.
I'll get it.
Hello.
What's that? Oh, you don't say.
Oh oh, well, give him my best.
Another time? Well, I'm afraid that would be impossible.
You see, we're leaving the country.
It's quite all right.
Good-bye.
Drat the luck! Trouble? The earl's got the gout and had to cancel our weekend invitation.
My dream bubble has burst.
Well, now, perhaps not.
What do you mean, Sir Clive? Now, you're, you're perfectly free to come to my place for the weekend.
No, no, Sir Clive.
Oh, no, no.
We wouldn't think of barging in, my goodness.
Not at all, I insist.
And, and bring your friends, too.
Four strangers dropping in on you for the weekend? A glorious weekend where I would have the most memorable experience of my life? I wouldn't hear of it.
Oh, no trouble at all.
No trouble.
No, no, it's just, uh, too pushy.
Oh, well, of course, if you feel like that I mean, I But if you insist.
Good show.
We'll have the most ripping weekend.
Oh, right-o! And, by the way, we can talk business down there, too, you know.
Well, yes, sir, yes, that would be fine.
Thank you.
(phone rings) I'll get it, dear.
Hello.
Yes, Sir Clive is here.
Oh, by all means, send her up.
Your daughter is here.
Oh, yes, yes, I asked her to pick me up here.
We are lunching together.
Oh.
Oh, well, if you'll excuse me, then, I'll be right back.
Charming woman, your wife.
Charming.
Uh, Sir Clive, I'm very anxious, uh, to meet your daughter.
You said she's a fan of mine? But you have already met her.
You danced with her last night.
I did? Richardson? No, no.
Angela doesn't use her family name.
Um, she's an actress, you know.
Uses a stage name: Randall.
Your daughter is Angela Randall? Rather! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! I beg your pardon? Oh, oh, uh, uh, that's an American expression.
It means "blimey.
" Oh! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay- blimey.
(knock at door) She must be here.
Hello, Angela.
Hello, Ricky.
I'm glad to see you.
Hello, Father.
My dear.
Hello.
I believe we met last night.
Uh she's your daughter? Yes.
Angela Randall is her stage name.
I just found out.
Isn't that funny? (uneasy chuckle) Hilarious.
Father, did you have your little business talk with Ricky? Well, only partly.
Yeah, we didn't get quite finished, but it's all right because your father has asked us over to your place for the weekend.
Uh, yes, but unfortunately, we will not be able to accept.
Oh, but you accepted just now, you know.
Uh, yes, but dash it all, I just remembered, we're scheduled to go to the cricket matches this weekend.
At this time of year? Cricket's out of season.
Well, these are young crickets.
Don't worry, Sir Clive, we'll be there.
Oh, marvelous, Ricky.
It'll be such fun! It'll be just ripping! Come along, Father.
Yes, thank you.
Good-bye.
It'll be such fun to have you down with us.
Well, I'd love to.
May I help you with your hat, sir? No, thank you.
I'll just carry it.
Well, I'll be seeing you all Saturday.
Cheerio.
RICKY: Good-bye.
Cheerio.
"Cheerio.
" Ricky, we are not going! Oh, yes, we're going.
I wouldn't want to burst your dream bubble.
My dream did not include a washed-out blond named Angela Randall.
You knew she was Sir Clive's daughter all along.
I did not know any such thing.
You did, too! I didn't know anything.
But you accepted, and we're going.
You opened your big mouth and you put your foot in it.
Tallyho! Tallyho! (hounds baying) You're invited, you're invited.
Ethel, have you seen Ricky anywhere? Yeah, I think he's out with Angela someplace.
I know that, but where are they this time? I think she's showing him the rock garden.
Yesterday it was the rose garden.
This morning it was the stable, then the grape arbor.
What's she doing, auditioning him for caretaker? Oh, honey, you're making too much out of this.
Well, how long does it take to look at a rock garden? What are they doing, prospecting for uranium? Lucy, you're being silly about this.
Listen, if she was monopolizing Fred, and you never got to see him, what would you say? I'd say, "Jolly good show, Angela, old bean.
Have at it.
" You would not.
I'll tell you one thing.
I'm not letting them out of my sight again.
Oh, Lucy.
Oh, there you are, Lucy.
We looked all over for you.
We wanted you to see the rock garden with us.
Sure you did.
Hi, honey.
Hello, stranger.
I didn't realize it, but I guess I've been monopolizing Ricky ever since he got here.
What must you think? Would you really like to know, huh? Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, it must be time for tea.
I'm just famished! Uh, where are Sir Clive and Fred? Oh, they're down by the stable.
Well, now, let's all go down there and get them, huh? Ricky, be a dear and show her the way.
I've been wanting to chat with Lucy.
All right.
Lucy, dear Yes, Angela? My dearest friend, Cecily Higgins, is having a lawn party tomorrow, and I was wondering, might I borrow Ricky? Well, yes, you might borrow him if I could go along as collateral.
Oh.
Well, that's kind of embarrassing.
You see, Father's car is in the shop and all we have is my little sports runabout, and it only seats two.
Oh.
Well, maybe you could strap me on the fender like a deer.
Oh, now, Lucy, you aren't going to get into a stew, are you? You could feed the whole British Army on the stew I'm going to get into.
But I promised Cecily I'd be there.
She's always managing to get celebrities at her country estate, and I just want to take Ricky down there to show him off.
He's a prize.
Yes, well, that prize belongs in my box of Cracker Jacks.
Oh, dear! ETHEL: Well, come on.
Here they are.
I found them down at the stable.
Angela, my dear, I've had a perfectly topping idea.
In honor of our American guests, I've arranged for a fox hunt tomorrow.
Oh, wonderful, Father! How about it, Ricky? Fine, I'd love to.
Will you join us, Lucy? You just know I will.
Splendid! But, of course, you won't be able to go, Angela.
You promised to go to Cecily's party tomorrow.
Oh, silly me.
Cecily's party is the day after tomorrow.
Oh.
I can go to the fox hunt.
Oh, splendid! Then that's all settled.
Now, how about a spot of tea? ETHEL: Yes, let's all go have some tea.
FRED: I'll enjoy that.
ETHEL: You run along and have some, Fred.
FRED: All right.
Lucy, why did you say you'd go on a fox hunt? You've never been on a horse in your life.
Well, I don't care.
I'm not letting them out of my sight.
The fox isn't the only thing she's hunting.
Bye.
Good-bye.
Hurry up, Lucy! FRED: Bring back the bacon, Rick.
Okay.
Good-bye! Good luck! Psst! What? Lucy, what's the matter with you? I'm scared.
Well, I should think you would be if you've never been on a horse before.
Shh! I don't want the horse to hear that.
Lucy, this is dangerous.
Not half as dangerous as leaving Ricky and Angela alone all afternoon.
Does Ricky know you've never been on a horse before? No.
I told him I rode a lot in Girl Scout camp.
You needn't be afraid, ma'am.
Well, Danny Boy is the gentlest horse in the stable.
He looks kind of ferocious to me.
Ah, gentle as a lamb, ma'am.
Well, uh, haven't you got, maybe, a smaller horse? No, ma'am.
Have you got a large lamb? (laughing) You'd better get started, ma'am.
Yeah, well, h-h-how do you get on this animal? Well, just come right around this side.
Oh.
Now, then, put your left foot up in the stirrup.
That's the stirrup.
Left foot? Yeah.
Okay.
There she goes.
There you go.
Up! Oh! Again, honey.
(grunting) Fred, you help her.
FRED: All right.
Fred will help you.
He'll help you now.
Now, wait a minute.
Let's get all together, huh, fellas? I'll, I'll, I'll count.
One, two, three.
Oh! Fred, I want to stay up on top.
I don't want to go all the way over.
I was only trying to help you.
Well, you-you just don't know your own strength.
Come on.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll I'll be able to make it.
Shall we try this slippery beast again? There we are.
ETHEL: Up you go.
I have to give a big push.
I'd like to oblige, ma'am, but I'm a rotten jumper.
I'm sorry.
Come on, now, honey.
You'll make it this time.
Shall we have another go at it? ETHEL: Here she goes, here she goes.
(grunting) Up she goes! Good girl! Just sit up, ma'am.
Yeah, well, you ride your way, I'll ride mine.
(horn sounding fanfare) They're going, honey.
They're going.
EHTEL: Hang on now! FRED: Hang on, Lucy! Hang on! Hang on! Hold on! Hold on! Oh, Fred, I'm worried about her.
She didn't exactly look like Johnny Longden sitting up there.
You look at her.
I can't stand to look.
(horn sounding fanfare) They're off and running.
(yelling): Oh! Oh! Lucy! How do you steer this thing? You steer him with the reins, ma'am.
You pull on the left rein to go left and on the right rein to go right.
Yeah, well, where are the brakes? You just pull back on the reins, ma'am, like that.
Lucy, if you didn't know how to steer, how did you get back here? I don't know.
Oh, Danny Boy always comes back to the stable if you let him have his head, ma'am.
It comes straight in the backway every time.
I gotta go! (horn sounding fanfare) Oh, you gotta go.
FRED: Hang on now! Okay.
Hang on, Lucy! Hang on! Hang on! Hang on tight! How's she doing, Fred? Well, I can't find her.
You can't find her? I can't find her.
She's disappeared! She's disappeared? Is there a horse without a rider? No! Is there a rider without a horse? No! Oh, let me look, Fred! Well, don't tear my head off.
All right, but just let me look.
I can't stand it.
Oh, where could she be? I don't know.
She How did you ever do that? Well, believe me, it wasn't easy.
We went over a jump, and while I was up in the air, Danny Boy must have turned around.
Oh, honey, please give this up.
No, sir, Danny Boy and I are going to see this thing through together.
(horn sounding fanfare) ETHEL: Well, you'll do better this time.
Hang on now! You'll do better! Hold on now! Hold on now! SIR CLIVE: The beast got away.
I can't understand what happened to that fox.
Neither can I.
He must have run to ground.
That's all.
Hi.
Hi.
Isn't Lucy with you? No.
What's the matter? Well, she didn't come back, but her horse come back quite some time ago.
Yeah, and he was all covered with brambles.
The groom's out looking for her now.
Well, let's go get a horse and look for her.
Now wait a minute, that might not be necessary.
Look! Lucy, are you in there? Yeah.
I don't know what you see in this fox hunting.
Get me out of here.
How did you get in there? I don't know, but get me out.
But how? There's, there's There are some clippers inside here.
Good.
It's kind of spooky in here.
I have a feeling I'm not alone.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
ANNOUNCER: Sir Clive was played by Walter Kingsford, his daughter Angela by Hillary Brooke and the groom by Trevor Ward.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.