Northern Exposure s05e16 Episode Script

Oh, man.
Too much chow, Adam, buddy.
Mmm.
It's an incredible meal.
Absolutely.
It's actually excellent.
What would you say is the secret to something like this? What's the secret? Yeah.
What is that, a- a joke? You want to try this at home? Why don't we get Frank Lloyd Wright in here next to talk about Fallingwater.
Maybe you want to add on a den.
More, um, chambertin? If you insist.
My good friend Miss O'Connell here is driving.
Oh.
Well, I certainly have to hand it to you, Fleischman.
You sure do know how to get yourself taken care of, don't you? There's crepes Normandy for dessert.
Madam Mayor.
I happen to have known that she was coming out here.
I hitched a ride.
It's called ride sharing, you know? Say, that reminds me, Adam.
Maurice has this whole mess of peaches coming in from Georgia.
Well, he ordered them before he got his leg hurt, and now he probably won't be doing much cooking, so maybe you should have 'em - on account they'll probably just go to rot.
- I can make him a peach cobbler.
- Better send a cobbler out to Fleischman too.
- Fleischman? Well, it's pretty obvious he's starving out there.
Hey, morning, Cicely.
Chris in the Morning with your wake-up call.
I bopped that snooze alarm bit too much myself this morning.
I was up partying with Chef Adam, grooving on his hospitality.
You know, being plied with fine food always puts me in mind of the slammer 'cause food was jumpin' in there too.
High fat, but nice and salty.
I think the worst deprivation in there was my music.
Radio belonged to my cell mate, the blond hammer, and he was into that jazz fusion thing at the time.
I'll tell you what, enough Spyro Gyra, and you're hoping you'll get killed in a knife fight.
Anyway, I used to sit around thinking about all the songs I wanted to hear when I got out, and this is one of them.
First song I played on that Kmart turntable my first day of freedom.
It'll never sound as good as it did that day.
Tell you that right now.
Hey, there.
Oh.
Hey, Fleischman.
Look.
Pickled tomatoes.
You better get one before they're all gone.
Wow.
Wonderful.
Hey.
Hmm.
Can I ask you a question? Yeah.
You know, I- I know I'm probably making too much of this, but I been thinking about that comment that was made last night.
What comment? Well, that I really know how to get myself taken care of.
Yeah.
So? Wh-What do you think that meant? Well, Fleischman, I think that- that, you know, you get invited out to dinner a lot, and you don't always return the favor.
What? That is so not true.
Come on.
Last year, I had everyone over after the Stanley Cup for Ramos fizzes.
I mean, come on.
Well, that's not exactly the same thing, Fleischman.
It's universal, Fleischman.
Around here it dates back to the frontier days when there wasn't enough food to go around, right? I had absolutely no idea that I was this remiss.
It's no big deal, Fleischman.
We've just all come to accept it about you.
I think there's a Yiddish word for it.
Schorrer? - Schnorrer? - Yeah.
You're telling me you think I'm a schnorrer, O'Connell? Do you have any idea what you just said? A schnorrer is someone who comes into your house and opens your refrigerator and starts eating.
- I thought that was fressing.
- Look, I'm not gonna get into a Yiddish bee with you.
You're telling me that you think I owe the people in this town a dinner party, right? Like a sit-down thing where I cook all day and then I clean up after? - Is that it? - Yeah.
All right.
Well, if that's the reality, then then I have to have a party.
Tomorrow's Miranda's first checkup.
She's gotta get a shot and everything.
I hope Dr.
Fleischman doesn't think that rash is anything to worry about.
Shelly, don't even say that.
Well, babies get stuff, H.
- jaundice and colic and croup.
You can't get freaked out about it.
My friend Iris, back in B.
C.
, her little boy was in the emergency room five times before his first birthday.
And that was just your basic bumps and fevers.
Really? That could get expensive.
No sweat.
If she ever needs a big deal operation or something, we just take her back to Canada.
National Health picks up the tab.
It's times like this you gotta be glad to be a Canuck.
Well, I'm not.
Not glad? Not a Canadian.
So you're a Quebecer.
We're all one under the big maple leaf, H.
I'm not a Quebecer.
Québécois.
I'm an American.
I gave up my Canadian citizenship.
Get on! You can't do that.
Already have.
Without telling me? It was a long time ago, before I met you.
But when we first met, you said you were from Canada.
I'm in Alaska now.
I'm a U.
S.
citizen.
Hey, Walt.
Chris, I've been looking for you.
Cash.
Don't you love it when that happens? How's things on the other side of the tundra, buddy? Long time no speak.
Not so good.
I got some bad news for you, Chris.
For me? You know Edgar Hankins? Edgar Hankins.
Hankins, Hankins.
Young fella.
Very talented taxidermist.
Stuffed that ferret in my cabin.
Yes, I do.
Tall guy with red hair.
He's a big Santana fan.
Calls in the station all the time with requests.
What about him? He's dead.
He's dead.
What happened? Locked himself in the garage with the truck running.
Oh, man.
Offed himself, huh? Double suicide.
His goat was with him.
That's grievous, man.
Yes.
Hey, really don't know how to tell you this.
Tell me what? Well, it appears like he laid it at your door.
Me? Here.
"I cast my lot with Chris Stevens.
"He played the song on the radio that said it all for me- 'Pencil neck Geek.
"' Fourteen people.
I must be out of my mind.
I can't cook for 14 people.
I don't see who I can cut.
Walt.
No.
I owe him.
He had me over once for this horrible venison casserole.
Mmm.
Professor Mink.
Oh, no.
He's a friend of the family.
He wrote me recommendations for med school.
Besides, he invites me over to his house in Fairbanks every holiday.
Mom and Dad.
No.
Your parents.
They're not on here.
Y- You think I need to invite them? Oh, it's up to you.
Yeah.
They had me over last spring for the whatsit.
Plover's eggs.
Right.
Yeah.
Those were delicious.
You know if they're free that night? Uh-huh.
Okay.
Marilyn's parents.
That's great.
Brings us up to 16.
Thanks for your help, Marilyn.
Can I bring anything? Oh, yeah.
You know what? Bread.
You make those great dinner rolls.
You have to let 'em rise three times.
I'd have to start it first thing in the morning.
You're a trooper.
Thanks.
I mean, I don't get it.
$ 117, we could have eaten out for less.
Look- asparagus.
We got asparagus on this thing.
Six dollars a bunch.
That's like a buck a stalk.
Well, it's seasonal.
It's cheaper in the summer though.
- I didn't think of that.
- So, what are you making, Dr.
Fleischman? Poulet sauté Wow! No wonder it's so expensive.
Chicken, Ed.
Chicken with a lot of stuff done to it, that's all.
Hey, did you get enough wine? Yeah.
I bought two bottles.
I assume people bring some, right? You don't mind if I go now, Dr.
Fleischman? No.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
Sure thing.
And you know, I'm really looking forward to your party too.
You want me to bring anything? Yeah, actually.
You know what? Ice.
And beer, if you don't mind.
Doesn't matter.
Any brand.
Sure thing.
Fleischman, you're not supposed to ask people to bring anything.
- What? He- He offered.
- Yeah.
But he was just being polite.
You know, manners? - Did you get any chervil, Fleischman? - No.
That stuff's five bucks a pop.
What about fresh basil? You did get that.
Well, no, actually, 'cause I- I didn't think I'd have time to wash and cut it.
You know, I have a- a bottle of stuff that'll be fine.
Canned mushrooms? Yes.
I happen to have been raised on that stuff.
That explains a lot.
Thank you.
All right, listen.
Have you thought about where you're gonna seat everybody here? Well, no, but, I mean, Ifigure it's gonna be casual, right? I mean, people will just find their seats and- and they'll have their plates.
It'll be like a buffet I'll set up.
I'll bring some chairs.
Good.
What about plates and stuff? Yes.
There will be plates.
No problem.
We don't have to get so uptight about this.
It'll just be fun, you know? I mean, we'll have some food and some wine and good company.
Trust me.
It'll be fine.
I'll bring some plates.
Great.
We're here today to say good-bye to good citizen Edgar Hankins.
His work will look down over all of us from the walls all around Cicely.
I'm thinking in particular of that beautiful spotted owl that's hanging in the men's room at the Lodge.
I guess there's no dancing around it.
Everybody here knows that young Edgar says I hitched his wagon to the Reaper.
Look, I played a song that was beautiful for me, and for Edgar it hit a button marked emotional meltdown.
Now, I don't know why that is.
I mean, two guys looked out through prison bars and one saw mud, and one saw stars.
That's just how it works, I guess.
Maybe that's no excuse.
I mean, maybe those of us who are lucky enough to touch people through art or the airwaves have an obligation to think about all those ears and eyes out there.
Anyway, innocently or not, I put the last straw on Edgar's back.
I'm sorry, Edgar, my friend.
Mea culpa.
Oh.
National Health Insurance.
Here we go down the sinkhole of socialized medicine.
Like in England.
Yeah.
And look what wonders it's done for them.
How to Flush an Empire Down the Toilet, by Harold Wilson.
Works in Canada.
Oh, yes! Let's all of a sudden follow Canada's lead, the world's best second-raters.
- What do you mean? - What do you think I mean? These b-teamers take an idea of ours, put some moronic spin on it and call it theirs.
Canadian football? The field's 15 yards longer.
There's 12 players instead of 11.
- Hello! - It's like I'm always thinking, "Canadian bacon.
" What's that? It's ham.
Well, what do you expect from a country whose national emblem is the beaver? That's not true.
The beaver is not the national emblem.
Shelly, I'm sure that they meant no offense.
They think Canada's just some big joke.
No, no.
Just the eastern part.
- What do you mean by that? - Come on.
Quebec? Even the French don't want it.
I take exception to that.
You do? Even though you're not a Bruno anymore? The word is Québécois.
And I take as much pride in my cultural heritage as the next guy.
What's the motto of Quebec? Um - It's " I remember.
" - It is? Je me souviens.
What does that even mean? Remember what? You can't even remember the motto.
You know what the motto of Saskatchewan is? Multis e gentibus vires.
"From many people's strength.
" At least that means something.
Did you know the first aerial ambulance service in the world - started in Saskatchewan? - Really? And Canada has one of the lowest accidental death rates in the world.
Now that makes sense.
You wanna know something else about Canada? I'm going there, tomorrow.
What? Taking Miranda to get her registered as a Canadian.
Hon, I don't think it works that way.
She's not a car.
Technically speaking, she is a citizen of both countries until she's old enough to choose.
Well, either way, I want her to breathe Canadian air and dig her little toes into Canadian soil.
Shelly, it is so far.
I'm only going to Sixtymile, B.
C.
, H.
It's just across the border.
I'm gonna hang out with my friend Iris and catch Winterfest.
You know what Winterfest is? But you're gonna tell us, aren't you? Everybody brings their old Christmas trees, they pile them up, take them away, and make mulch out of them.
Wow.
Well.
What's Mardi Gras or Palio at Siena compared to that? "Knights in White Satin," man.
All them minor chord progressions.
What about Billie Holiday? Uh, first lady ofJazz.
Ouch.
Yeah, but Chris, not all her stuff is gloomy.
Yeah, man, but you know, poor girl makes good, addicted to heroin, you know, beat around by mooching men.
It's right there in the music.
All right.
Hey.
Ella Fitzgerald.
Now Chris, she's jazz, but she's happy jazz.
Happy jazz.
Okay.
Hey, what about this? "Beethoven's Sixth, Pastoral Symphony.
" That's an up elevator, huh? Bruce Springsteen.
Born in the U.
S.
of A.
Yeah, Bruce is clean.
Cool.
What about that one lyric, though, on " I'm on fire"? You know, about the knife, edgy and dull.
"Cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my soul.
" Yeah! - What are you boy scouts up to? - Oh,just doing a little reviewing here.
No doubt what we're seeing here is fallout from the Hankins suicide.
Maybe.
I want you to look at something that was on its way to the editor of our so-called newspaper.
Where'd you get this? Oh, questions? Reproachment? You oughta be happy I spiked that little missive.
"Gentlemen, I recall a few years ago Chris Stevens played the song 'Revolution' on the radio "while I was driving.
"There's no denying the power of that song.
I made a right turn too fast and side-swiped a fire hydrant.
Before Edgar's death, I never made the connection.
" - Whoa.
- Yeah.
I got a whole stack of'em here sent to the station.
This one lady says that her kid became so agitated at the sight of paisley after my show that he ripped down all the wallpaper in the living room.
It's typical.
Yeah, it is typical, but you know, I've come to realize the power of this thing.
I can't abuse it.
Holling.
Hi, Walt.
I came here to catch breakfast.
What's your excuse? Just thinking.
You couldn't find a warmer place to think? Shelly's gone.
I don't like sitting in an empty apartment.
Shelly's never left me for any length of time.
She's just gone back to Canada to show off her baby.
No big deal in that.
What if she decides not to come back? Don't be ridiculous.
Shelly just wants a little homecoming, that's all.
I think maybe I better just bite the bullet and give up my American citizenship.
Yeah? Well, Shelly's I mean, she's worked herself into a state.
You know how she is.
She's like a snapping turtle once she lets something get to her like that.
The longer she sits down there thinking about it, the more Canadian she's going to get.
You know, this citizenship business is jive, if you ask me.
The Indians didn't recognize any difference between borders.
They didn't know from Canada from Alaska from Mexico.
That's not to say they didn't slaughter each other like everybody else.
Still, it was some more recent genius that came up with drawing those lines and making those borders.
I don't know.
I think maybe I'd better go after her.
Aw! I keep thinking, once she crosses that border, she and little Miranda and gonna belong to Canada.
I can't let that happen, Walt.
Like the motto says, "I remember.
" Remember what? "Sauté mushrooms in clarified butter.
See basic clarifying recipe.
" God, I hate this! Hey, Fleischman.
What's wrong? Julia Child is what's wrong.
That's what's wrong.
Wh-What the hell is clarified butter? Oh, it's where you heat the butter and then you scrape the scum off the top.
Are you kidding me? I'm not doing this.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
What, like Walt Kupfer's gonna come in here and tell me, "I can't eat that,Joel.
The butter's not clarified"? Oh, Fleischman, you haven't set the table yet? Well, I was hoping that you were gonna help me with that.
Oh,you haven't vacuumed, Fleischman.
What is this? Petrified corn chips? I'm up to my ears in potatoes and chicken.
What more do you want from me? Name plates, cut flowers, linen napkins.
God is in the details, Fleischman.
Are you just now starting the main course? Look, what are you- I have plenty of time.
It only takes an hour to cook.
Oh, no.
It takes forever to prepare, and you've got a million things to do.
- Are you here to help me or not? - In five hours you've got a dozen people walking through that door.
I'm cooking as fast as I can.
"Cut a four to five-ounce chunk of salt pork into lardons and blanch them.
" Lardons.
Lardons.
I tell you, a peritoneal lavage is easier than this.
I'm not clarifying the butter, all right? I'm cooking these babies, scum and all.
Will you tell me if they're- they smell all right to you.
How are canned mushrooms supposed to smell? I don't know.
Like can.
You know, you should have gotten fresh ones.
That's great.
Thank you very much.
Thanks a lot.
Pleasure, eh.
Here we are, babe.
Home turf.
Shelly! Iris! Oh, Shel.
Wow, you look great! Thanks.
Oh, let me at that baby! Iris, I am so psyched to be here.
It's like finally, the hood! Is that your Wrangler? It is so tough! Wrangler? You mean the YJ.
That's what we call it over here.
YJ? That is so cool.
What's it stand for? I don't know.
So where's Robbie? Oh, he's at mum's.
She'll keep Miranda tomorrow while we go to Winterfest.
Oh.
I thought I'd take her with me.
It's too rowdy.
You know what it's like at Winterfest.
Leave her in the house.
Besides, girl, we need you on our team.
The other side's got a kick-ass goalie.
Oh, yeah.
Snowshoe soccer.
Hey, do you need to use the washroom or anything? Washroom.
Oh, it's so great to hear that again! In America it's bathroom this, bathroom that.
Even a porta-john.
What bathroom? There's no bathtub in there.
I'm cool for now.
Okay.
We'll just flake out for a while, prop the babe up on the chesterfield, and I'll get us some pop.
Chesterfield.
There's no place like Canada.
Hi.
May I help you? - Howard Mink? - Oh.
Hi.
I'm Maggie O'Connell.
Come on in.
I'm a little early.
Yeah.
No.
Fleischman, it's Professor Mink.
- Hello,Joel.
- Howard.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you? You're here early, huh? Well, traffic was light.
Oh, why don't I take your coat? Yeah.
Um, why don't you make yourself at home.
Can we get you a beer or something? Oh.
We don't have any beer.
Remember, Ed's bringing it? Wine? Water would be fine.
Okay, why don't you have a seat.
It's nice to see you.
- Should I give him some hors d'oeuvres? - What hors d'oeuvres? You didn't make any hors d'oeuvres? No.
Fleischman, why are you even having a party if you don't want to entertain? What are you talking about? You totally bullied me into it.
Oh, please.
Here we go with revisionist history.
I don't understand if you're gonna help me or not.
You keep- You should have some hors d'oeuvres for him- Excuse me.
Yes? - I think I will have a little wine.
- Okay.
Uh Here you go.
So what should we give him? How much of this have you had? Would you please just serve the man? One sec.
Here you go.
A little cloudy out there today.
Don't let that get you down though.
Every cloud has a silver lining, right? Not that, you know, silver is important or anything like that.
I mean, there's more to life than the buck, right? We're talking about oh, seeing that glass half full or, uh, making lemons into lemonade.
A little something from the Four Preps.
So, Professor, do you do statistical research in Bioethics or are you just a lecturer? Both.
Hmm.
Wow.
This is good.
I- I think so.
Isn't this good? Don't you think, Mayor Hancock? The salt around anywhere? Yeah.
Can someone turn the radio down? Yeah.
Driving me bonkers.
I gotta tell you, Marilyn.
I'm a little disappointed your parents couldn't come.
I thought they were kinda looking forward to it, huh? Square dance class.
It was changed.
Well, maybe you can take them a doggy bag.
Chris too.
He had to cancel at the eleventh hour.
Well, Chris has been going through a hard time lately.
Oh.
And Holling.
What might his excuse be? He went to Canada.
Maybe I should just have another party for all the people that couldn't come tonight.
Maurice with his leg and Ruth Anne.
Just one of the many challenges of entertaining, Fleischman.
- Asparagus.
- Oh, I didn't get any asparagus.
Me neither.
- Yeah, um, They're in the refrigerator.
I kind of forgot to cook 'em.
Well there's plenty of chicken.
Ed, I- I'll take a splash more of that wine.
Yeah, the wine passes muster, does it? Well, uh, we tend to look to Australia for, uh, surfing pants, AC/DC videos and as a SEATO partner.
Cabernet Sauvignon we like to leave to civilization.
I like it better than more Californias.
Hit me again.
Oh.
Can you pass that bottle? Empty.
Well, um, how's the chicken? It's, uh it's all right.
Yeah? Yeah.
All right, as in mediocre.
Try clarifying the butter next time.
Mornin', sir.
Canada.
I'd know that smell anywhere.
Passport.
Oh.
Right.
And what is the purpose of your trip? Well, let's just say personal business.
Mmm.
American, huh? Me too.
Cherry Hill, New Jersey.
What are you doing up here? Vietnam.
- Are you a draft dodger? - I refused to kill for an administration that I didn't elect in a show of force that wasn't sanctioned by the people.
You think was the easy way out? I've had my punishment.
I've been exiled.
I thought they granted you fellows amnesty.
- Got married.
Had two kids.
- Ha.
You carrying any fruits or vegetables? Nope.
Transporting any livestock? Nope.
All right.
Enjoy your stay.
I'm not stayin'.
Hey, Fleischman? - Shh! - Hi.
Thought I'd come help with the dishes, you know? Being that they're mine.
Feeling a little tender, huh? Oh, man.
I woke up with a head full of cement and little chicken carcasses all over my house.
Well, this would have been a lot easier if you'd done this last night.
Man, what a day.
I gotta tell you.
I didn't get a chance to thank you.
I really appreciate all you did.
I mean, I couldn't have done it without you.
That's what friends are for.
You know, just between you and me, I feel a little surprised that nobody called.
Called? For what? Called to say thank you, you know.
They had a nice time or, you know, the food was good.
Anything.
Hmm.
Hmm what? Well, you did use those canned mushrooms.
Yeah, I used the canned mushrooms, O'Connell.
They were fine.
You don't think the chicken had a bit of a coppery taste to it? Come on.
Staphylococcus would have manifested within six hours, all right? You'd be doubled over right here vomiting on my floor.
Hey.
I didn't say staphylococcus.
Well,you implied it.
You honestly think I would take the chance of poisoning my friends? That's crazy.
It was just a question.
Come in.
Hey.
Did you by any chance run off with my scarf last night? Your scarf? You wake me out of my dreams to ask me about a scarf? Yeah, I'm sorry.
I- it's sort of red with these little fringes.
No.
Must have been somebody else.
Yeah? How you doing there today? I feel fine.
I mean, it's lucky for me that you ran out of that dingo effluent last night.
My mental facilities are completely clear.
No diarrhea, nothing like that? I mean, I'm just checking.
I'm just concerned.
You-You didn't speak to anyone else from last night, did you? - Like Ed or Marilyn? - I've spoken to no one.
All right.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
A- And thanks for coming last night.
You were a really excellent guest.
Funny story, the agoraphobic Green Beret captain.
What's the matter with you, Fleischman? What, are you fishing for compliments? You trying to do some sort of damage control over those joke mushrooms you used in your entrée? Wait a minute.
What are you saying? Are you telling me that you don't think they were fresh? I mean, I know in your expert opinion that wouldn't be such an incredible feat, but- Not only could I tell they weren't fresh, but judging from the tin/zinc admixture, I could tell you which company and what plant produced the can.
I'm gonna go with Republic Cans, uh, plant number four in Rhinebeck, New York.
I get your point.
Thank you.
You know the level of the palate that you're dealing with, and yet you persist in playing these coy little games.
I was a good guest, Fleischman.
I didn't comment.
Just please tell me, though, what you think.
Do you think- I mean- Is it possible that they were like a little gone? Gone? Gone? Yeah.
Yeah.
You know as well as I do, Fleischman, that most food toxins are odorless and tasteless.
If they weren't, the U.
S.
Biological Weapons office would not have bothered spending $1.
5 million developing lethal cold cuts, would they? You better hope they weren't gone.
All right.
Well, I mean, I don't think they are.
I just- Look, the toxicological seminar is over, all right? Go play your little scarf scam on some of your other friends.
All right.
All right.
Thank you.
And shut the door! Thank you.
The door, Fleischman.
Is this a trip or what? Reminds me of Saskatoon.
It's made in China.
Yeah.
Well, but it looks like Canada.
Did you know the Mounties started in Saskatchewan? Yeah.
So? I just think that's cool.
I'll grab a few of these puppies.
They'd make ace Christmas presents, wouldn't they? I guess.
Hello.
Hello? Where's the salesperson? Behind the counter.
Oh.
Excuse me.
Yes? How much are these? - What is it? - Little Mountie dolls.
Price is on it, eh? Uh I don't see it.
Then I don't know.
You know, I forgot about that.
No one in Canada ever says, "May I help you?" It's like they don't want to sell you anything.
Well, it's better than America where they're climbing down your shirt.
Yeah, well I'll just come back later and get these.
Hmm.
What? I just remember it bigger.
Ruth Anne, when did it start? Long about lunchtime.
I tried to get him to go home, but being a shaman in training, he thought he ought to try to heal himself.
I need to lie down.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, you get O'Connell.
I think we have to get him to a hospital.
For a stomachache? Have a seat there.
It could be something more seriously pathogenic.
I don't want to rule out something of a toxicological nature either.
Ed, I'm just gonna poke around for a minute.
Just relax.
Does that hurt? How 'bout that? A little when your fingernails dig in.
Sorry.
You have any muscle spasms or dizziness, any double vision- - Anything like that? - Uh, well- - Oh.
- What? Your glands are swollen.
They are? - Yeah.
You're boiling.
- 102 when I checked earlier.
- Joel.
- He's got the flu.
He's just got a stomach flu.
Well, of course he has.
He always gets it first.
Forty-eight hours of vomiting and diarrhea and body ache.
That's it, pal.
Acting in my capacity as mayor, I've called together this town meeting because some Cicelians have expressed concerns about the recent changes in the Chris in the Morning's radio playlist.
Now the radio waves are public.
So it makes sense to listen to what the public has to say about it.
It sucks! - Boring.
Can you speak up, please? - What Chris is playing is boring.
- Hey, you know, everybody used to look forward to Chris in the Morning, especially in the winter.
You know, you're lying in bed and it's freezing and it's dark outside, and the radio is the only thing that makes you want to get out of bed and put the coffee on.
Well, try telling that to Edgar Hankins's family.
Come on.
Edgar had a screw loose long before he got a radio.
Let's cut through this.
Chris should play what he wants to.
If people don't like it, they can turn it off.
Adults,yeah.
But what about unsupervised children? The radio is a constant presence in their lives, and it has a cumulative effect.
They come home late in the afternoon, and what's he playing- Schoenberg and that other 12-tone stuff.
A lot of Chris's programming is anti-family.
The Nietzsche, the Thoreau.
And it trivializes animals.
Hold it.
Hold on just a minute.
We have to be careful here.
De Tocqueville warned about the tyranny of the masses dragging everything down to the lowest common denominator.
We have to accept the fact that art and culture transcend the traditional rules of the society.
Right.
Listen, Edgar's death is horrible, but there are a hundred reasons for it, not just one, and to blame Chris for this is ridiculous.
- Excuse me.
- Chair recognizes Marilyn Whirlwind.
The radio didn't kill Edgar.
Edgar killed the radio.
Hey, Fleischman.
Hey.
How's Ed? Ah, he's gonna be fine.
He's got the flu.
Poor guy.
He always gets it.
I guess we're moving out of the danger zone.
I mean, there are a few rare food poisonings that can have an incubation period for up to three or four days, but I think we're gonna be fine.
Are you still obsessing about this mushroom thing? Yeah.
Well, I tried calling the professor.
His line was busy.
Fleischman.
O'Connell, for over two hours.
That doesn't make sense, unless the guy's fallen and he can't get up.
Would you cut it out? Do you want to know what this is really about? What? You don't want to be absolved of poisoning your guests, Fleischman.
What you're feeling guilty about is a lot simpler than that.
Oh, really? You threw a lousy party, Fleischman, and I think you wanna be forgiven.
You know, I don't know what to tell you.
I- I- I guess I'm just- I'm not good at that kinda stuff.
And the thing is, I tried telling you that.
I didn't want to have a party in the first place.
It's so ridiculous.
But you didn't try.
You gave a half-hearted effort.
You know, your guests pick up on that.
Yeah, well, that's it, you know? Look, okay.
I'm officially out of the loop.
From now on, I don't go to parties, I don't have parties, I'm just- That's the answer, Fleischman.
Just be a recluse.
O'Connell, what do you want from me? I just want you to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes.
- This is about me, is it not? - No.
It's about other people, and that's the secret of entertaining.
You make your guests feel welcome and at home and comfortable.
If you do that honestly, then the rest of it takes care of itself.
Yeah, well, it's easy for you to say.
You're like the Martha Stewart of the Yukon.
I mean, you were born with a silver napkin ring in your mouth.
I was not.
Yeah, you were.
No, I wasn't- I was taught.
That's the trouble with you, you know.
Nobody taught you how to take care of yourself, let alone anybody else.
You're a princeling, Fleischman.
And I've got news for you.
You're not the 10-year-old son of Nadine Fleischman anymore.
Hey, Shelly.
Aren't you gonna come play snowshoe soccer? Nah.
I don't really feel like it.
Come on, Shel.
You came all the way down here to do Winterfest, and now you're just like totally hangdog, eh? I know.
I thought I'd be more into it.
It's weird.
I know it's Canada and all, but I don't feel any different.
Game's starting.
I- I gotta go.
Well, I'll see you later.
Okay.
Hey, slow down! - Shelly! - Holling? - Shelly Tambo! - Holling! - Shelly? - Yeah? This land is your land, this land is my land, from California to Vancouver Island.
From the Redwood Forest * To the BlueJays Stadium * Aw, save it pal.
* This land was made for you and me * * As I was walking * * The Alaska Highway * * I saw the tracks of * * The Canadian National Railway * * Saw the land behind me * * That invented hockey * * This land was made for you and me * * This land is my land * * This land is your land * * From California * * To Vancouver Island * * From the Redwood Forest * * To the BlueJays Stadium * * This land was made for you and me * Yea! Morning, Cicelians.
Chris in the Morning getting you up a little earlier than usual.
I got a busy day ahead.
So do you.
So get that coffee on.
Whip up that bacon and knock those cobwebs off the ceiling.
While you're doing all that, what do you think of the words ofTom Paine who said, "Man did not enter this society to be worse off than he was before "or to have fewer rights than he had before "but to have those rights better secured.
When it comes to the right of the mind, he never surrenders it.
" The mind, that wonderful breeding ground of contradictory impulses like love and hate, and rage, empathy.
They've all been invited to the party, so you might as well make room for 'em.
I wanna play this next song for my friend Edgar Hankins who has gone to a place where he's never gonna have to be upset or agitated or offended ever again.
Sensitive and P.
C.
souls, cover your ears.
Your order, Dr.
Fleischman.
Oh, great.
Thanks, Dave.
Oh, hey.
Are you free this Sunday? Sunday.
Well, I was gonna watch the Knicks game.
Why? I'm having brunch at my house.
Oh, yeah? Brunch, huh? Uh-huh.
A lot of people? Fifteen or so.
I do it this time of year, the " in like a lion" brunch.
So- So you get up early and you make omelets for all these people? Ah, frittatas.
Belgian Waffles.
Sausage links.
Nice.
So, wanna come? Well yeah, I guess I do.
Good.
Hey, can I bring anything? No, thanks.