Sabrina The Teenage Witch s05e16 Episode Script
Sabrina, The Muse
Where do you come from? Where do you go? Where do you come from, Cotton-eye Joe Have I told you lately how much I like you? No.
But, you know, sitting through "Hee-Haw Henry" just to hang out with me at work pretty much says it all.
Cotton-eye Joe Just my luck-- the one week I fill in and your aunt hires the guy from Deliverance.
I don't understand.
His resume said he had two Grammys.
But what it didn't say is that they were married to his two grandpappys.
Whoa What am I going to do? He's driving customers out.
Well, at least they can escape.
Think about the poor banjo being held hostage.
We're the ones being held hostage.
The girl's got a point.
Luckily, so do I.
Sorry, folks-- it looks like trudging out in this horrible rain has caused Jethro to come down with laryngitis.
Hey, Kevin, why don't you get up there and sing? Me? No, I don't have anything rehearsed.
Well, you didn't rehearse for that party Thursday night, and you rocked.
No, no, no.
You need to get home and rest that voice.
Better yet, lay that voice to rest.
Hey, Aunt Hilda, Kevin wants to sing.
Oh, fantastic.
Go right on.
I would, but I don't have my guitar.
You're in luck.
Look.
Somebody left their guitar.
Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for an incredibly gifted young performer, Kevin.
So, are you serious about him? Oh, that all depends.
On what? On how serious he is about me.
Uh, this is a little song I've been working on, and, uh it goes something like this.
I used to be happy Just playing rock and roll The chicks were all right Till one rocked my soul But if it's meant to be I guess it's meant to be You can't imagine what What Sabrina means to me.
Does that answer your question? I think so.
Life's changing around me, Âand I'm gonna make it mine I'm reaching out and living by my rules Time's moving way too fast I wanna make it last 'Cause I'm out on my own now And I like the way it feels.
Sabrina, Sabrina you're incredible.
I feel such a deep connection with you.
It's hard to put into words.
Well, you did a pretty good job in your song tonight-- it was amazing.
Yeah, well I can think of something that's even more amazing.
Okay, but this is positively, definitely the last one.
Oh, you guys were spying on me, weren't you? Hate to break it to you, Spellman but your life isn't that interesting.
Yeah, Roxie's right.
I mean, just because Kevin thinks you're incredible doesn't mean that we do.
If only you could lie as well as you accessorize.
What, are you guys taking notes? And why are you so worked up about this? Well, for one thing, a guy never wrote a song about me.
A guy wrote a song about me once but he used all four-letter words.
Look, I like Kevin a lot, but I don't want to get too excited.
There's nothing worse than getting your hopes built up just to have them come crashing down around you.
Oh, I am with you.
I don't know how many times I was in the perfect relationship then out of the blue, the guy dumped me because he found out I was dating his roommate.
A girl has to protect herself.
You better hope those looks never fade.
I guess what I'm saying is, I just want to take it slow.
Sounds like a plan to me.
So, when are you going to see him next? Every night this week.
Sabrina and Kevin make the most adorable couple.
I've never seen her this happy.
Our little niece may be walking down the aisle before we do.
It is sad, isn't it? What if she has kids before we do? Larry Linterman died.
But Larry was in the prime of his life.
We were just at his 400th birthday party.
I just I just heard the news about Larry.
Why? Why?! I didn't know you were so close.
Why didn't he make out a will?! I sucked up to that dunderhead for 20 years.
And for what? So the Other Realm government could come in and pocket what's rightfully mine? You know, Hilda, Salem makes a good point.
Sucking up to people is a waste? The two of us should have a will.
We've got plenty of time for that-- we're young.
Compared to what, the Dead Sea scrolls? All I'm saying, Hilda, is you never know.
Look at Larry.
-Well, that was different.
Larry was In great shape.
Yes, but he didn't -Smoke, drink or eat fatty foods.
Did he exercise? Seven days a week.
Well, there you go-- we don't exercise so we don't have to worry.
Hilda, I know we're all hoping to live long lives but eventually we will Oh, no! Don't go there! Look, I know it's not a pleasant topic but we need to make sure that our loved ones are adequately taken care of after we Keel over; buy the farm; take a dirt nap; kick the Salem.
Then I realized I found my rainbow In her eyes.
Wow, that was fantastic.
I'm glad you liked it.
I can't believe you wrote a whole song and I'm still struggling over line one of my newspaper article.
Well, it's pretty easy to write when you have somebody beautiful to inspire you.
Sabrina you're my muse.
Wow, I've never been anyone's muse before.
Is there, like, a special outfit I have to wear or something? You know, it's funny, before I met you it's like I would go in these dry spells-- I couldn't write a word-- and now it's like the music just floats into my head.
Well, you're not the only one floating.
Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda, what are you doing here? We've come to discuss our impending death.
Oh, my God, are you guys sick? No.
But we could be.
We could drop at any minute.
You must be Kevin.
I'm Sabrina's Aunt Zelda.
You'll have to forgive my sister.
She gets a little nervous when it comes to discussing Why are you whispering? Do you know something I don't know? I have scurvy, don't I? Oh, somebody, quick, toss me an orange.
Hilda, calm down.
You're fine.
We're both fine.
We just feel it's time to get our affairs in order.
Well, I don't want to think about anything bad happening to you guys.
Of course not, dear, but we all have to think about the inevitable.
Look, I think I should leave you guys alone.
I'll call you later.
Well, he seems like a very nice man.
Yes.
I'm sure he'll be very comforting when Zelda and I meet our maker in a rare New England earthquake.
Oh, Hilda, that's enough.
Dear, as I was saying certain provisions must be made in case Hilda or I Again with the whispering.
I would prefer to be cremated, and I would like my ashes spread across Orion's Belt.
Or thereabouts.
And I want to stay on the ventilator as long as possible.
I'm serious.
If you pull the plug, I'll know.
That's so morbid.
You know, before you guys showed up I was in the best mood of my life.
Kevin told me I'm his muse.
Well, that's great, honey.
Now, your Aunt Hilda would prefer a more traditional burial which means you'll need a good embalmer.
Oh, and when the deadly tsetse fly comes to claim us here's a treasure map of where I buried our money in the backyard.
It's in gold doubloons.
Hilda, I thought I told you to make a copy first.
Fine.
It'll be ready tomorrow after 4:00.
Kevin called you his muse? That is, like, the highest compliment that a guy can give you.
Call me crazy, but I prefer "intellectual peer.
" I've never heard that one before.
Sabrina, being someone's muse is such an honor.
Yeah, you're right.
I mean, I could be the next, like, "Layla" or "Mandy.
" Or "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown".
Personally, I'd hate being someone's muse.
I'd always feel obligated to say interesting stuff.
Oh, I don't think you need to worry.
Hey, Sabrina.
Hey.
So, what's going on with my muse today? Oh, uh, you know, a bunch of interesting stuff.
Um, I woke up, I got out of bed Dragged a comb across your head? No, but I showered and I shaved my legs and then I tried to find some matching socks.
Do you want to write some of this down? Hilda, come on.
We've only got 15 minutes to get to the estate planner and it's raining like mad.
Hilda? Hilda? Where do you think you're going? -Oh.
Would you believe I have a date with Gene Kelly? I didn't think so.
Look, I'm sorry.
I thought I could go through with this but I can't-- I really can't! Hilda, get a grip.
We are only making out these wills as a precautionary measure.
You can't live your life in fear.
It's been working for me so far.
Aren't you afraid? Don't you wonder what's next? Is this the last chance we get, or is there a hereafter? There's only one way to find out.
Last call for the hereafter.
All aboard for the river Styx.
Okay, we saw it.
Let's go.
Hilda this is not the hereafter-- this is just the boat ride over.
Have fun.
I'll be in the Admiral's Club throwing back some zombies.
Come on, now, you said you wanted to know what it's like, and we're going to find out.
Come on.
Okay.
Hello.
Hi.
Well, we are definitely going to be the life of this party.
Hey, how's it going? Not so great.
I'm having writer's block.
For some reason, I just don't feel inspired.
Well, maybe I can inspire you with a hot vanilla latte.
Ah, no thanks-- when I hit these dry spells caffeine just disrupts my concentration.
Oh, and as your muse, I should have known that.
Um so, oh, guess what? I found my missing sock and it's a really interesting story.
You'll never guess where it turned up.
My closet, of all places.
I find the rain is rejuvenating.
Wow, that is awesome.
Yeah, you know, matching socks are great.
No, no, no.
What that girl just said about the rain being rejuvenating.
That's perfect for a song.
I guess, but, you know I still like a good missing sock song myself.
"Rejuvenating rain helps ease the pain.
" But what really rocks are my missing socks.
I am so bombing out as a muse.
Sabrina, I'm so glad you're home.
I need your advice on how to be a good muse.
Oh, well, if you figure it out, let me know.
Josh said that I didn't inspire any of his photographs.
Not even the ones of me.
So, come on, share your secret.
Well, I'd love to help you, but I can't.
I seem to have lost my touch.
Yeah, right-- I am on to you.
You just don't want to give away your secret so you can be the only one in this house who inspires men.
Well, let me tell you something, missy.
I have got a dress upstairs in my closet that is going to blow you out of the water.
Meow.
I love a good catfight.
Sabrina, let's talk estate planning.
Here's my proposal for dividing up our aunties' assets.
Our aunties? I get the car, the house, the timeshare on Neptune.
And you, you lucky devil get that one-of-a-kind spider clock.
Salem, I don't want to talk about this.
I hope my aunts live forever, and I don't care what I get.
Already took the liberty of assuming that.
Sign here, sis.
Salem, I've got bigger problems than this, okay? I've got to figure out how to be a good muse or Kevin's going to dump me for some girl who's more naturally interesting than I am.
I can't help you there.
The only thing I ever inspired was mandatory spaying.
Why don't you ask a real muse? Why didn't I think of that? Hmm.
Muses come quickly, I need to learn the art of inspiring before my roommates return.
Please, watch your step or not.
Doesn't really matter now.
Okay, I'm warning you.
If you are even one minute late picking us up What? You'll kill me? Too late.
Oh, hi, darlings.
Welcome to Sunshine Lakes.
Now, be sure to sign in and take a ticket.
This year, we're raffling off stretch pants and a whole year's supply of peds.
I'm Zelda, and this is my sister Hilda.
Oh, yeah, you're here on the day pass.
Could you please not use the word "pass.
" I'm sorry, my sister gets a little uptight when it comes to the subject of Death? I'm out of here.
Well, of course she's uptight.
When you're on the other side people see death as an ending.
But here on Sunshine Lakes it's a whole new beginning.
You're going to love it.
Every night, we have a picture show at the Jackie Gleason Auditorium.
A little tip: bring a cushion for your tushy.
Oh look, they're showing the director's cut of Rooster Cogburn.
I love the Duke.
Oh good, 'cause you're sitting next to him at lunch.
Oh, and the food is all you can eat Oh, and no matter how much you eat, you never gain weight.
Hello, heaven.
I'm sure you have fabulous classical music concerts.
No.
But you're going to adore the Minnie Pearl Clubhouse where we have everything from square dancing to bingo.
I love bingo.
Who doesn't? What's to love? There's no strategy.
You just sit there mindlessly waiting for someone to call out a number.
Well, you must have some really intellectually stimulating lectures what with Descartes and Socrates on the premises.
Actually, Descartes and Socrates gave up lecturing for shuffleboard.
They love just relaxing after all that serious thinking on the other side.
And you should see their apartment.
It's gorgeous.
Well, doesn't anybody use their brains around here? What for? We're dead.
Now, this is what I call living.
So, basically, if you want to be a good muse like I was to Beethoven all you have to do is focus all your energy on the artist.
Sit with him, talk to him But what if I run out of interesting things to say? Then you compensate for that by catering to his interests.
Praise him, build up his ego anticipate his every need.
And you really think that will help inspire a guy to produce his greatest work? Ever hear of a little ditty called Beethoven's Fifth? Hey.
Hi.
Wow, thanks for inviting me over.
Yeah, well, you said you needed a quiet place to work on your music and I figured my aunts are going to be gone all night so it's the perfect place.
You're the best, you know that? Always thinking about me.
Well, that's the muse's job, right? All right, well, you go ahead and play away and I'm just going to be typing up my article for the school paper.
I'm sorry, Sabrina, can I bother you for a glass of water? You know, I'm the one that's sorry.
I mean, as your muse, I should have anticipated your needs.
Water coming right up.
Or, you know what I could make you an iced tea.
No, don't go to any trouble.
But, you know, I wouldn't turn down a half ice tea, half lemonade with a twist of lime and just a splash of cranberry cooler.
For some reason it just helps get the creative juices flowing.
And what kind of muse would I be if I couldn't help you do that? "Therefore, it is my humble opinion that" Wait a minute.
Is it my humble opinion or just my opinion and am I being arrogant if I call myself humble? Hey Sabrina, which one of these intros do you like better?-- listen to this.
Or They're both great.
I think I'm going with the second one.
Okay.
"And, therefore, it is my strong feeling that" Oh, what was I trying to say? Why is it such a struggle for me to write these articles? You know, I wish writing came as easy for me as music does for you.
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a journalism major.
Maybe I should switch.
Do you think I should switch? Hmm? -Do you think I should switch my major? Uh, I don't know.
Is there anything you like more than the major you already have now? Well, I do like journalism.
There you go.
Switch to that.
That is my major.
Oh.
Are you sure? Yeah, I am, Kevin.
Who's my favorite author? Uh, Katie Salinger? It's J.
D.
Salinger, and no, he's not my favorite author.
It's Jane Austin.
I talked about it for an hour on the phone last night.
Didn't you listen to anything I said? Yeah, of course I did.
You told me how much you love my songs.
And anything about me you just tuned out? No.
How can you say that? Half the music I wrote was inspired by you.
That's my point.
You're only interested in me if I'm helping you.
Anything I say that's not song material goes in one ear and out the other.
That's not true.
You know, Kevin, I really don't want to be in a one-way relationship and I really don't want to be anybody's muse.
Wha Sabrina, wait.
No, I am so out of here.
No, this is I but Wait a minute.
This is my aunts' house.
And I don't want to hear about this in any song.
I did it.
I stared death right in the face and I had the time of my life.
I also beat Descartes at shuffleboard and I dirty danced with Fred Mertz.
Whatever floats your boat.
And now, because of you I realize that death is nothing to be afraid of.
It's just one big bash full of casinos, canasta, and kugel.
Josh, I have been waiting here all morning.
Hasn't anything that I have said or done inspired you? Yeah, you just inspired me to make the best latte of my entire coffee career.
Everybody hear that? I am not just beautiful and smart.
I'm a muse.
Look at me.
I am a muse.
Hello, people.
What a glorious day.
You can already smell spring in the air.
Your aunt scares me when she's this happy.
Roxie, you did a fantastic job filling in this week.
Here's a bonus as a token of appreciation.
On the other hand, it's kind of appealing.
Well, you're sure in a good mood today.
And why shouldn't I be? I love life.
I love death.
Like you kids say, "It's all good.
" Oh, we've been saying that all morning.
But why am I talking to you about death? You're young, alive and in love.
Well, you got the first part right.
Turns out Kevin was a little too self-absorbed.
I'm sorry, honey.
Oh, by the way when I die and you stick me in the casket make sure I'm wearing comfortable shoes.
Anybody know a place that makes a good vanilla latte? Kevin.
Sabrina, I know you're upset and you probably don't want to give me a second chance, but But what? Well, I read your article on college arts funding.
It was terrific.
That's nice, but, you know reading one article isn't going to fix everything.
Yeah, well, I read all your articles-- uh, sororities, animal testing-- and they closed the library before I could finish the one on the gas leaf blowers.
Oh, I had the flu when I wrote that one.
Look, what I'm trying to say is if you change your major journalism will be losing one heck of a writer.
You're not just saying that because you want to get back together? Look, I know I really blew this relationship and if you don't want to give me a second chance I totally understand.
It's just, well, you really mean a lot to me.
And well Wow, Pride and Prejudice.
You bought this for me? No, I swiped it from the library.
I'm kidding.
Thanks.
It means a lot to me that you remembered.
Listen, do you want to go someplace after your shift is over? I'd like that.
I bet you'd like it even better if you left now.
Well, wouldn't you be shorthanded? I'll live, and if not the alternative's not bad, either.
Are you sure? Absolutely.
Seize the day, Sabrina.
Life's short if you're lucky.
Oh, I can't believe those dumb broads just left a treasure map lying around the kitchen.
I'd expect it from Hilda but a quantum physicist? There's over $500,000 of gold buried in this dirt.
Oh, Lord have mercy.
I've hit the mother load! Thanks to the hags I'll be able to blow this pop stand one filthy rich cat.
Well, he was right about the filthy part.
But, you know, sitting through "Hee-Haw Henry" just to hang out with me at work pretty much says it all.
Cotton-eye Joe Just my luck-- the one week I fill in and your aunt hires the guy from Deliverance.
I don't understand.
His resume said he had two Grammys.
But what it didn't say is that they were married to his two grandpappys.
Whoa What am I going to do? He's driving customers out.
Well, at least they can escape.
Think about the poor banjo being held hostage.
We're the ones being held hostage.
The girl's got a point.
Luckily, so do I.
Sorry, folks-- it looks like trudging out in this horrible rain has caused Jethro to come down with laryngitis.
Hey, Kevin, why don't you get up there and sing? Me? No, I don't have anything rehearsed.
Well, you didn't rehearse for that party Thursday night, and you rocked.
No, no, no.
You need to get home and rest that voice.
Better yet, lay that voice to rest.
Hey, Aunt Hilda, Kevin wants to sing.
Oh, fantastic.
Go right on.
I would, but I don't have my guitar.
You're in luck.
Look.
Somebody left their guitar.
Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for an incredibly gifted young performer, Kevin.
So, are you serious about him? Oh, that all depends.
On what? On how serious he is about me.
Uh, this is a little song I've been working on, and, uh it goes something like this.
I used to be happy Just playing rock and roll The chicks were all right Till one rocked my soul But if it's meant to be I guess it's meant to be You can't imagine what What Sabrina means to me.
Does that answer your question? I think so.
Life's changing around me, Âand I'm gonna make it mine I'm reaching out and living by my rules Time's moving way too fast I wanna make it last 'Cause I'm out on my own now And I like the way it feels.
Sabrina, Sabrina you're incredible.
I feel such a deep connection with you.
It's hard to put into words.
Well, you did a pretty good job in your song tonight-- it was amazing.
Yeah, well I can think of something that's even more amazing.
Okay, but this is positively, definitely the last one.
Oh, you guys were spying on me, weren't you? Hate to break it to you, Spellman but your life isn't that interesting.
Yeah, Roxie's right.
I mean, just because Kevin thinks you're incredible doesn't mean that we do.
If only you could lie as well as you accessorize.
What, are you guys taking notes? And why are you so worked up about this? Well, for one thing, a guy never wrote a song about me.
A guy wrote a song about me once but he used all four-letter words.
Look, I like Kevin a lot, but I don't want to get too excited.
There's nothing worse than getting your hopes built up just to have them come crashing down around you.
Oh, I am with you.
I don't know how many times I was in the perfect relationship then out of the blue, the guy dumped me because he found out I was dating his roommate.
A girl has to protect herself.
You better hope those looks never fade.
I guess what I'm saying is, I just want to take it slow.
Sounds like a plan to me.
So, when are you going to see him next? Every night this week.
Sabrina and Kevin make the most adorable couple.
I've never seen her this happy.
Our little niece may be walking down the aisle before we do.
It is sad, isn't it? What if she has kids before we do? Larry Linterman died.
But Larry was in the prime of his life.
We were just at his 400th birthday party.
I just I just heard the news about Larry.
Why? Why?! I didn't know you were so close.
Why didn't he make out a will?! I sucked up to that dunderhead for 20 years.
And for what? So the Other Realm government could come in and pocket what's rightfully mine? You know, Hilda, Salem makes a good point.
Sucking up to people is a waste? The two of us should have a will.
We've got plenty of time for that-- we're young.
Compared to what, the Dead Sea scrolls? All I'm saying, Hilda, is you never know.
Look at Larry.
-Well, that was different.
Larry was In great shape.
Yes, but he didn't -Smoke, drink or eat fatty foods.
Did he exercise? Seven days a week.
Well, there you go-- we don't exercise so we don't have to worry.
Hilda, I know we're all hoping to live long lives but eventually we will Oh, no! Don't go there! Look, I know it's not a pleasant topic but we need to make sure that our loved ones are adequately taken care of after we Keel over; buy the farm; take a dirt nap; kick the Salem.
Then I realized I found my rainbow In her eyes.
Wow, that was fantastic.
I'm glad you liked it.
I can't believe you wrote a whole song and I'm still struggling over line one of my newspaper article.
Well, it's pretty easy to write when you have somebody beautiful to inspire you.
Sabrina you're my muse.
Wow, I've never been anyone's muse before.
Is there, like, a special outfit I have to wear or something? You know, it's funny, before I met you it's like I would go in these dry spells-- I couldn't write a word-- and now it's like the music just floats into my head.
Well, you're not the only one floating.
Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda, what are you doing here? We've come to discuss our impending death.
Oh, my God, are you guys sick? No.
But we could be.
We could drop at any minute.
You must be Kevin.
I'm Sabrina's Aunt Zelda.
You'll have to forgive my sister.
She gets a little nervous when it comes to discussing Why are you whispering? Do you know something I don't know? I have scurvy, don't I? Oh, somebody, quick, toss me an orange.
Hilda, calm down.
You're fine.
We're both fine.
We just feel it's time to get our affairs in order.
Well, I don't want to think about anything bad happening to you guys.
Of course not, dear, but we all have to think about the inevitable.
Look, I think I should leave you guys alone.
I'll call you later.
Well, he seems like a very nice man.
Yes.
I'm sure he'll be very comforting when Zelda and I meet our maker in a rare New England earthquake.
Oh, Hilda, that's enough.
Dear, as I was saying certain provisions must be made in case Hilda or I Again with the whispering.
I would prefer to be cremated, and I would like my ashes spread across Orion's Belt.
Or thereabouts.
And I want to stay on the ventilator as long as possible.
I'm serious.
If you pull the plug, I'll know.
That's so morbid.
You know, before you guys showed up I was in the best mood of my life.
Kevin told me I'm his muse.
Well, that's great, honey.
Now, your Aunt Hilda would prefer a more traditional burial which means you'll need a good embalmer.
Oh, and when the deadly tsetse fly comes to claim us here's a treasure map of where I buried our money in the backyard.
It's in gold doubloons.
Hilda, I thought I told you to make a copy first.
Fine.
It'll be ready tomorrow after 4:00.
Kevin called you his muse? That is, like, the highest compliment that a guy can give you.
Call me crazy, but I prefer "intellectual peer.
" I've never heard that one before.
Sabrina, being someone's muse is such an honor.
Yeah, you're right.
I mean, I could be the next, like, "Layla" or "Mandy.
" Or "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown".
Personally, I'd hate being someone's muse.
I'd always feel obligated to say interesting stuff.
Oh, I don't think you need to worry.
Hey, Sabrina.
Hey.
So, what's going on with my muse today? Oh, uh, you know, a bunch of interesting stuff.
Um, I woke up, I got out of bed Dragged a comb across your head? No, but I showered and I shaved my legs and then I tried to find some matching socks.
Do you want to write some of this down? Hilda, come on.
We've only got 15 minutes to get to the estate planner and it's raining like mad.
Hilda? Hilda? Where do you think you're going? -Oh.
Would you believe I have a date with Gene Kelly? I didn't think so.
Look, I'm sorry.
I thought I could go through with this but I can't-- I really can't! Hilda, get a grip.
We are only making out these wills as a precautionary measure.
You can't live your life in fear.
It's been working for me so far.
Aren't you afraid? Don't you wonder what's next? Is this the last chance we get, or is there a hereafter? There's only one way to find out.
Last call for the hereafter.
All aboard for the river Styx.
Okay, we saw it.
Let's go.
Hilda this is not the hereafter-- this is just the boat ride over.
Have fun.
I'll be in the Admiral's Club throwing back some zombies.
Come on, now, you said you wanted to know what it's like, and we're going to find out.
Come on.
Okay.
Hello.
Hi.
Well, we are definitely going to be the life of this party.
Hey, how's it going? Not so great.
I'm having writer's block.
For some reason, I just don't feel inspired.
Well, maybe I can inspire you with a hot vanilla latte.
Ah, no thanks-- when I hit these dry spells caffeine just disrupts my concentration.
Oh, and as your muse, I should have known that.
Um so, oh, guess what? I found my missing sock and it's a really interesting story.
You'll never guess where it turned up.
My closet, of all places.
I find the rain is rejuvenating.
Wow, that is awesome.
Yeah, you know, matching socks are great.
No, no, no.
What that girl just said about the rain being rejuvenating.
That's perfect for a song.
I guess, but, you know I still like a good missing sock song myself.
"Rejuvenating rain helps ease the pain.
" But what really rocks are my missing socks.
I am so bombing out as a muse.
Sabrina, I'm so glad you're home.
I need your advice on how to be a good muse.
Oh, well, if you figure it out, let me know.
Josh said that I didn't inspire any of his photographs.
Not even the ones of me.
So, come on, share your secret.
Well, I'd love to help you, but I can't.
I seem to have lost my touch.
Yeah, right-- I am on to you.
You just don't want to give away your secret so you can be the only one in this house who inspires men.
Well, let me tell you something, missy.
I have got a dress upstairs in my closet that is going to blow you out of the water.
Meow.
I love a good catfight.
Sabrina, let's talk estate planning.
Here's my proposal for dividing up our aunties' assets.
Our aunties? I get the car, the house, the timeshare on Neptune.
And you, you lucky devil get that one-of-a-kind spider clock.
Salem, I don't want to talk about this.
I hope my aunts live forever, and I don't care what I get.
Already took the liberty of assuming that.
Sign here, sis.
Salem, I've got bigger problems than this, okay? I've got to figure out how to be a good muse or Kevin's going to dump me for some girl who's more naturally interesting than I am.
I can't help you there.
The only thing I ever inspired was mandatory spaying.
Why don't you ask a real muse? Why didn't I think of that? Hmm.
Muses come quickly, I need to learn the art of inspiring before my roommates return.
Please, watch your step or not.
Doesn't really matter now.
Okay, I'm warning you.
If you are even one minute late picking us up What? You'll kill me? Too late.
Oh, hi, darlings.
Welcome to Sunshine Lakes.
Now, be sure to sign in and take a ticket.
This year, we're raffling off stretch pants and a whole year's supply of peds.
I'm Zelda, and this is my sister Hilda.
Oh, yeah, you're here on the day pass.
Could you please not use the word "pass.
" I'm sorry, my sister gets a little uptight when it comes to the subject of Death? I'm out of here.
Well, of course she's uptight.
When you're on the other side people see death as an ending.
But here on Sunshine Lakes it's a whole new beginning.
You're going to love it.
Every night, we have a picture show at the Jackie Gleason Auditorium.
A little tip: bring a cushion for your tushy.
Oh look, they're showing the director's cut of Rooster Cogburn.
I love the Duke.
Oh good, 'cause you're sitting next to him at lunch.
Oh, and the food is all you can eat Oh, and no matter how much you eat, you never gain weight.
Hello, heaven.
I'm sure you have fabulous classical music concerts.
No.
But you're going to adore the Minnie Pearl Clubhouse where we have everything from square dancing to bingo.
I love bingo.
Who doesn't? What's to love? There's no strategy.
You just sit there mindlessly waiting for someone to call out a number.
Well, you must have some really intellectually stimulating lectures what with Descartes and Socrates on the premises.
Actually, Descartes and Socrates gave up lecturing for shuffleboard.
They love just relaxing after all that serious thinking on the other side.
And you should see their apartment.
It's gorgeous.
Well, doesn't anybody use their brains around here? What for? We're dead.
Now, this is what I call living.
So, basically, if you want to be a good muse like I was to Beethoven all you have to do is focus all your energy on the artist.
Sit with him, talk to him But what if I run out of interesting things to say? Then you compensate for that by catering to his interests.
Praise him, build up his ego anticipate his every need.
And you really think that will help inspire a guy to produce his greatest work? Ever hear of a little ditty called Beethoven's Fifth? Hey.
Hi.
Wow, thanks for inviting me over.
Yeah, well, you said you needed a quiet place to work on your music and I figured my aunts are going to be gone all night so it's the perfect place.
You're the best, you know that? Always thinking about me.
Well, that's the muse's job, right? All right, well, you go ahead and play away and I'm just going to be typing up my article for the school paper.
I'm sorry, Sabrina, can I bother you for a glass of water? You know, I'm the one that's sorry.
I mean, as your muse, I should have anticipated your needs.
Water coming right up.
Or, you know what I could make you an iced tea.
No, don't go to any trouble.
But, you know, I wouldn't turn down a half ice tea, half lemonade with a twist of lime and just a splash of cranberry cooler.
For some reason it just helps get the creative juices flowing.
And what kind of muse would I be if I couldn't help you do that? "Therefore, it is my humble opinion that" Wait a minute.
Is it my humble opinion or just my opinion and am I being arrogant if I call myself humble? Hey Sabrina, which one of these intros do you like better?-- listen to this.
Or They're both great.
I think I'm going with the second one.
Okay.
"And, therefore, it is my strong feeling that" Oh, what was I trying to say? Why is it such a struggle for me to write these articles? You know, I wish writing came as easy for me as music does for you.
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a journalism major.
Maybe I should switch.
Do you think I should switch? Hmm? -Do you think I should switch my major? Uh, I don't know.
Is there anything you like more than the major you already have now? Well, I do like journalism.
There you go.
Switch to that.
That is my major.
Oh.
Are you sure? Yeah, I am, Kevin.
Who's my favorite author? Uh, Katie Salinger? It's J.
D.
Salinger, and no, he's not my favorite author.
It's Jane Austin.
I talked about it for an hour on the phone last night.
Didn't you listen to anything I said? Yeah, of course I did.
You told me how much you love my songs.
And anything about me you just tuned out? No.
How can you say that? Half the music I wrote was inspired by you.
That's my point.
You're only interested in me if I'm helping you.
Anything I say that's not song material goes in one ear and out the other.
That's not true.
You know, Kevin, I really don't want to be in a one-way relationship and I really don't want to be anybody's muse.
Wha Sabrina, wait.
No, I am so out of here.
No, this is I but Wait a minute.
This is my aunts' house.
And I don't want to hear about this in any song.
I did it.
I stared death right in the face and I had the time of my life.
I also beat Descartes at shuffleboard and I dirty danced with Fred Mertz.
Whatever floats your boat.
And now, because of you I realize that death is nothing to be afraid of.
It's just one big bash full of casinos, canasta, and kugel.
Josh, I have been waiting here all morning.
Hasn't anything that I have said or done inspired you? Yeah, you just inspired me to make the best latte of my entire coffee career.
Everybody hear that? I am not just beautiful and smart.
I'm a muse.
Look at me.
I am a muse.
Hello, people.
What a glorious day.
You can already smell spring in the air.
Your aunt scares me when she's this happy.
Roxie, you did a fantastic job filling in this week.
Here's a bonus as a token of appreciation.
On the other hand, it's kind of appealing.
Well, you're sure in a good mood today.
And why shouldn't I be? I love life.
I love death.
Like you kids say, "It's all good.
" Oh, we've been saying that all morning.
But why am I talking to you about death? You're young, alive and in love.
Well, you got the first part right.
Turns out Kevin was a little too self-absorbed.
I'm sorry, honey.
Oh, by the way when I die and you stick me in the casket make sure I'm wearing comfortable shoes.
Anybody know a place that makes a good vanilla latte? Kevin.
Sabrina, I know you're upset and you probably don't want to give me a second chance, but But what? Well, I read your article on college arts funding.
It was terrific.
That's nice, but, you know reading one article isn't going to fix everything.
Yeah, well, I read all your articles-- uh, sororities, animal testing-- and they closed the library before I could finish the one on the gas leaf blowers.
Oh, I had the flu when I wrote that one.
Look, what I'm trying to say is if you change your major journalism will be losing one heck of a writer.
You're not just saying that because you want to get back together? Look, I know I really blew this relationship and if you don't want to give me a second chance I totally understand.
It's just, well, you really mean a lot to me.
And well Wow, Pride and Prejudice.
You bought this for me? No, I swiped it from the library.
I'm kidding.
Thanks.
It means a lot to me that you remembered.
Listen, do you want to go someplace after your shift is over? I'd like that.
I bet you'd like it even better if you left now.
Well, wouldn't you be shorthanded? I'll live, and if not the alternative's not bad, either.
Are you sure? Absolutely.
Seize the day, Sabrina.
Life's short if you're lucky.
Oh, I can't believe those dumb broads just left a treasure map lying around the kitchen.
I'd expect it from Hilda but a quantum physicist? There's over $500,000 of gold buried in this dirt.
Oh, Lord have mercy.
I've hit the mother load! Thanks to the hags I'll be able to blow this pop stand one filthy rich cat.
Well, he was right about the filthy part.