Young & Hungry (2014) s05e16 Episode Script

1 Previously on Young and Hungry I'm spending the weekend taking my best friend on a vacation! Where? Mexico? Sí! Sofia may I kiss you? Sofia's gonna miss you so much.
Man, I wish we could just pack you up in our car and take you with us.
You know, I don't remember all these border patrol guys with like guns and angry dogs and stuff when we came in.
What's all that about? Relax, Gabi, we have nothing to hide.
Unless you're smuggling something.
(CHUCKLES) (HORNS HONK) Hi, Officer "Ho-nez," is it? Thats "Jones.
" Do you have anything to declare? Just that these searchlights make your eyes look beautiful.
Gabi, what are you doing? Getting us home, Sofia.
Getting us home.
Go ahead and put the car in park.
I'm searching this vehicle.
(PARKING BRAKE CLICKS) (WHISPERING) Sofia there's something I have to tell you.
Gonna pop the trunk, ma'am? (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) You know, I'm not sure this car has one.
Gabi, what is your problem? (GASPS) (WHISPERING) Yeah, see that's that's what I had to tell you.
What did you do? Well, you were just so sad, and I really wanted to see you happy.
By getting us arrested? (GASPS) Oh, I see what you've been hiding.
- Oh, my god, we're going to jail.
- Oh.
You can not take a mango across the border.
It is illegal to bring this into the U.
S.
Uh, we are so sorry, sir.
Please forgive us.
Yes, we feel horrible.
Don't do it again.
You can go, but I'm keeping this.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Okay, let's get moving.
- (ENGINE REVS) - Sofia, the car's not moving.
- Why is the car not moving? - The brake's on.
- Oh.
- No, that's the trunk! (GASPS) (TRUNK OPENS) Hold it! Hola.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) She in the spotlight And she turn my head She run a red light 'Cause she bad like that I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby Baby, I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby Thank God we didn't go to jail.
I was already planning on making you my prison bitch.
But they let us off with a warning, Juancarlo got to go home, and all's well that ends well.
Did it really end well? Oh, my god.
You just talked to me.
In fact, I kind of think you even started yelling, which is good because you haven't said anything to me for two hours and you need to let it out, Sofia.
I can't.
Why? Because you're scared you're going to yell at me? Because you're scared you're going to cry? I don't know.
Look, when we left the resort, I thought I was never gonna see Juancarlo again.
And then in the car, I turned around and I saw his face, and Oh, my god, it's the crying one.
Ugh.
God, we were so close.
Where did it all go wrong? When you popped the trunk, and they found him.
Yeah.
But, what if I was to tell you there was another way we can get him here.
No, Gabi, no.
No, no, it it's over.
Okay? It wasn't meant to be.
I have to let it go.
What did you have in mind? - (PLAYING NOTES) - (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) Oh! You bought me a piano.
Uh, no, I donated a million bucks to the San Francisco Philharmonic, and they bought me a piano.
Next time you want to give money to something gay, I'm right here.
Hey! Guess who's back? - Yes! - No! Oh! Look at you! You know, since I got my Lasik eye surgery, you look more beautiful than ever.
Okay, listen, I need to talk Uh! More beautiful than ever? Your new eyes are very sweet.
But seriously, there's something I really need to t You're scooping me up.
Why are you scooping me up? Because the thing I need I kind of have to do upstairs.
Okay, but listen, my downstairs really wants to go upstairs, but I actually need to talk to you Gabi, I know you have something to say, but I actually can't see, hear, or focus on anything until we do that upstairs thing.
All right, let's get her done.
All right! (PLAYING ROMANTIC MELODY) Oh! There is nothing sexier than a man who can make music.
Whoo! I gotta tell you, Josh, if you weren't dating Gabi, hoo, I would give you - Ah! - (ELIOT SCREAMS) I thought you were Josh.
I thought you were you.
Gabi! That was just Just the right amount of sex so you can focus, see, and hear me now? Yes.
I am all yours.
Tell me about Mexico.
Okay, so you know how I forgot about Sofia's birthday? Well, I made it up to her by introducing her to this guy named Juancarlo, and she ended up really, really liking him, which never happens, because you know Sofia, she doesn't like anybody.
And he ended up really liking her back, and she was so sad when we had to leave.
I had no choice but to try and smuggle him across the border.
You what now? You know, the old me would have thought of a million ways to lie to you about this, but then I thought, you know (SCOFFS) We're in a relationship now, we love each other, you'll totally get this.
You committed a federal crime! Tried to.
Unfortunately, they found him in our car, and they sent him back, but then I thought the only way to get him here so that Sofia can be with him is to get him something called an "H-1B work visa," which is where you come in.
Can you get him an "H-1B work visa"? No! Oh! You're so sweet.
Sofia's gonna be so Wait a minute.
"No"? What do you mean, "No"? Gabi, do you have any idea what it takes to get someone a work visa, especially when they tried sneaking into the country? I'm talking paperwork, lawyers, affidavits.
What were you thinking? I wasn't thinking! I know! See, and that's your problem, You never think.
Well, you know what your problem is? That's all you do.
I'm sorry, was that supposed to be mean? Because that's actually a compliment.
No, it wasn't.
Okay? When you think, you don't feel, and when you don't feel, how can you love? That makes no sense.
What makes no sense is me thinking that after we fell in love, you would understand this.
Gabi love doesn't mean you can just do stupid things.
That is exactly what love means! And if you won't help me, that means I'm gonna have to do something stupid all by myself! Wow, I can't believe Josh got us a lawyer so fast.
Mm.
Yeah, that's not exactly true.
- Which part? - All of it.
What? Okay, don't worry, I have a plan.
(SIGHS) I hate your plans.
Yeah, only when they don't go well.
They never go well.
Sofia, do you want to see Juancarlo again? I do.
Okay, then stop thinking and listen.
You drive for Crazy Car, right, and this area is filled with law firms.
All we have to do is wait for an immigration lawyer to request a ride, and then we accept the ride, and we explain the story to him, and we convince him to help us.
Are you serious? Sofia, stop thinking and feel.
That's kinda genius.
I know, right? (PING) (GASPS) Ooh.
Hey, you got one.
Read me the name and I'll look him up.
Albert Shin.
Okay, Albert Shin divorce lawyer.
Ah, don't accept.
But keep this number for Elliot we all see that train coming.
- (PING) - Nick Walker.
Nick Walker criminal and immigration law! Accept! Accept the ride.
- (PING) - He's 400 feet away.
Floor it.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oh, I didn't realize this was a shared ride.
Oh, well it is.
(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) And, uh, you should hear the story our driver just told us.
So heartbreaking and compelling.
That's okay.
I prefer silence.
So did I until I heard this story.
(SIGHS) Buckle up.
It's an emotional roller coaster.
Tell it, driver.
Okay.
So, I went to Mexico last weekend, and I met the most amazing man, Juancarlo Rodriguez.
He was selling things on the beach to pay for his music career.
Sounds like a real winner.
I just couldn't bear not ever seeing him again, so we tried to smuggle him into the country, but he was caught by the law.
Yeah.
If only she could find someone, say, a lawyer willing to help her for, I don't know, free.
Please, you think I've never had some pathetic girl give me a sob story about some meaningless fling in Mexico and beg for free legal help? (SCOFFS) Oh, look.
A judgmental, self-absorbed douche-bag lawyer.
How unexpected.
Can't wait till my BMW gets out of the shop.
Oh, I forgot obnoxious.
I'll tell you what's obnoxious: Assuming I would ignore the thousands of families torn apart by immigration policies just so you and some beach bum can get laid.
(BOTH GASP) (TIRES SCREECH) - (CAR HONKING) - Get out! One star.
GABI: No.
No, no, no! Wait, wait.
This is not a shared ride.
I am her friend.
Shocking.
Listen, we can't offer you money, but I'm an incredible chef and, uh, how about we just talk this whole thing over tomorrow night over dinner? You mean, like a date? (STAMMERING) Sure, if you take the case.
- Gabi? - Done.
See you tomorrow.
Wear something cute.
Ugh.
(DOOR CLOSES) Haha! Hahaha! We did it! (LAUGHS) Gabi, did it occur to you that you just accepted a date with someone when you're in a relationship with Josh? No.
It did not.
See, this is where the "not thinking" is not good.
(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) Elliot, you gotta stop it.
Your piano playing is killing me.
Admit it, you love me tickling the ivories.
Now, how about I tickle the ebonies? (MUSIC CONTINUES) I mean it.
You gotta stop it.
Stop it.
You stop it right now, or I'm gonna (SCREAMING) We have got to get rid of that piano.
Okay, how should I set the table? Do you wanna sit next to him, across from him? How are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Will you relax? No, Gabi, I cannot relax, because what if this creep makes a move on you or or Josh finds out you're on a date? Okay.
Will you stop thinking of problems? See, this is the problem with thinking.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Ew, it's him.
Okay, be nice.
Can you be nice? Yes, I can be nice.
All right, I'm gonna go freshen up.
- Ugh.
- Nice to see you too, Sofia.
Yeah, that's right.
I live here.
I live here with Gabi, so I'll be in my bedroom.
Have fun.
You lay one hand on her, and I will be on you so hard your head'll spin.
I'm not gonna touch her.
- Don't.
- I'm not.
Good.
Have a good date, but not too good or I will break your freaking thumbs.
God, you are mean.
I love it.
- What? - Just like last night when you, uh, yelled at me to get out of your car.
I mean, that was That was hot.
Yeah, so hot that you wouldn't help me unless my friend went out with you.
Okay.
Full disclosure, I'm not interested in your friend.
But I knew if I got in good with her, I could run out the clock until your relationship with Juancarlo fizzled, and then end things with Gabi, swoop in, and pull the old best friend switcheroo.
Ugh! - You are disgusting.
- I'm a lawyer.
Yeah, a disgusting one.
You know, a decent lawyer would have just helped out an immigrant out of the kindness of his heart, not blackmail someone into some sick roommate swap.
- You have no idea - Oh, I have plenty of ideas, and I know exactly the kind of guy you are.
You don't have a clue, and if you'd shut up for a minute, - I'd tell you.
- Excuse me, did you just tell me to shut up? Yeah, because I'm trying to tell you that I was working all last night trying to get Juancarlo a visa.
- Why? - Because I like you.
Oh, my god.
Please.
There's gotta be something in it for you.
What is wrong with you? I mean, can't somebody just do something nice for you? No.
Not a cocky, manipulative, arrogant Hey, I'm Little shocked.
Didn't see that coming.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) I'll get it.
- Hey, Gabi, I - Josh, hey.
In the hall.
What are you doing here? Feeling.
Feeling? I thought about what you said nay, felt about what you said, and, Gabi, I did something crazy, something that a thinking person would not normally do.
Are you ready? Uh n - Yes.
- (WHISTLES) Sorpresa! What the hell were you thinking? Juancarlo is here.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) And you brought him here.
- Yeah, I did.
- Yeah, he did.
Well, this is an amazing surprise.
Well, Gabi, when you told me how much Sofia liked him, - I felt - Hm.
like I had to do something.
Well, I feel, um Give me one second.
Can I, uh Can I talk to you for a second? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Um (CLEARS THROAT) (WHISPERING) Why are you kissing Nick? No, no.
He was kissing me.
Okay? I have no idea why.
I was yelling at him, and then there was kissing out of nowhere, and I did not like it, Gabi.
I did not like it at all.
Hm.
Okay, if you, uh (WHISPERING) If you didn't like it, why'd you linger? Uh, I didn't linger.
There was a pause of confusion followed by a wave of repulsion.
Um, I only ask because on the other side of that door (WHISPERING) is Juancarlo.
What? I couldn't wait any longer.
Juancarlo.
My Florida Gator.
Uh, who's this guy? BOTH: Uh Nick Walker.
I'm a lawyer.
I was here working to get you a visa, but I see that's already taken care of, and I couldn't be happier.
Bienvenidos a los Estados Unidos.
Okay, thank you, Nick, for your services.
I I shall walk you out now.
Oh, so I didn't really need to walk you out, I just wanted to let you know that that kiss meant nothing.
So, goodbye.
Please.
You didn't like that kiss at all? What did I just say? No, I did not like that kiss.
I liked Juancarlo's kiss.
I give you three days.
You'll be crawling back to me.
Ugh, you're disgusting.
Three days.
One day.
Juancarlo's been here one day, and I'm already ready to smuggle him back to Mexico.
One day.
I have been here one day, and it is not the same Sofia that I remember.
What changed? Everything.
He sounds and looks so different in America.
Do you know he has a horrible singing voice? He had that in Mexico.
In Mexico, she was fun and sexy.
Here she is serious, uptight, and covered in clothes.
Sofia, do you think maybe the reason you're not into Juancarlo anymore is because maybe you might be into someone else? Okay, I'll admit it.
I miss my mom.
(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) Oh, no.
Elliot, you have got to stop playing that damn piano.
Why? (SIGHS) Because I finally realized why I had a sex dream about you.
(MUSIC STOPS) I'm stopping.
Ah! It wasn't about you.
I mean, I did have your face on there, but It was It was about Coleman.
I remind you of your six-foot-two, beautiful black ex-husband? I get that.
He used to play that song every time we had a fight.
And as soon as he played it Oh, we'd make up and make sweet love.
(SIGHS) Can you believe it's been 10 years since I heard that song? (SIGHS) Ten years and he's remarried, moved on, and (SIGHS) I'm sitting here all alone.
Did it occur to you that maybe the reason the music is having such an effect on you is because you're finally ready to move on and make beautiful music with somebody else? Not me.
But someone a lot better than Coleman.
It didn't occur to me until just now.
Well, it's true.
Thanks, Elliot.
And don't worry about the dream, Yolanda.
The only big black thing I'll be touching is that piano.
And we're back.
I don't understand why I couldn't just break up with Juancarlo in the apartment.
Why did I have to come to Josh's to do it? Because it's much better here.
You know, you just do it, and you walk out.
Can't walk out of your own place.
Plus, if you break something, it won't be ours.
You're right.
God, you're so right.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) Oh, and next year, feel free to forget my birthday.
Hey, Josh.
He's in the office.
(GROANS) Hey, Juancarlo.
Josh said you might be in here.
No, no, please don't turn around.
If I see your face, I might not be able to say what I have to say.
Um okay.
The time we had in Mexico, it was magic, and you're, like, one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
And you made me open up and feel something that I haven't felt in a really long time.
Um But honestly, I did not expect you to show up here, and between the time I last saw you and when you came, uh Granted, it was a very small window I kind of maybe met someone else.
And for whatever reason, I have not been able to stop thinking about him.
One day.
Not three.
One.
I I actually wasn't talking about you.
I was talking about someone else.
It was another guy that I This guy that I met at the BART system.
He's a doctor, not a lawyer.
I hate lawyer - Huh.
- We did it.
(WHISPERS) Yeah, we did.
It's kind of quiet.
What do you think's happening in there? This.
(ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) (ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) I've been waiting for you.
Oh, my damn.
Admit it.
You're entangled in my passionate web of rhythm and melody.
I am.
Take me, Yolanda.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! We gotta get rid of that piano.