Gilmore Girls s05e17 Episode Script

Ribbons here! Return your ribbons here.
|That's right, folks.
- Here you go.
|- Thank you, sir.
Right in the box, ma'am.
|Ribbons here! Return your ribbons here! Kirk, stop that.
Can't stop yet, Luke.
|Haven't got them all yet.
- I mean it.
Put the box away.
|- Luke, you and Lorelai have reconciled.
I know, Kirk, I was there.
And since you two have reconciled,|it's only appropriate that the citizens of Stars Hollow|take off their pins and start to heal.
In my case, literally.
I caught about an inch of chest flesh|with this sharp little sucker.
- Kirk-|- Lulu, hey! No, Kirk.
I like my ribbon! - It's pink.
I like pink!|- This is bigger than your love of pink! - No!|- Lulu! Lulu, get back here! Lulu! Wow! Did you see that? You know, if someone opened a store|in this town selling giant butterfly nets they'd make a fortune.
- Come on, the crazy need love, too.
|- Speaking of which, welcome back.
- Nice to be here.
|- Want some coffee? Say that again slower|and with your pants off.
- What's that?|- My pretty face.
- It's a Weston's coffee cup.
|- Is it? You bring an enemy coffee cup|in here on the day of our reconciliation.
At least I didn't ask you for a favor on this,|the day of your daughter's wedding.
- Get that coffee out of here.
|- This is not coffee.
This is a mocha-chocolate-caramel|swirlaccino with extra whipped cream.
- That sounds disgusting.
|- It is, and if it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage,|this would be the one.
- So apparently, I've got competition.
|- No, it's just a fling.
I'll finally spend the night with it,|but then when I see it in the morning with the caramel unswirled,|and the whipped cream unwhipped Bye-bye.
Man, that was hard.
She must have stretched first.
So judging from the snores,|I'm guessing you love the theater.
That was not a snore, it was a groan.
- It was not a painful play.
|- Any play is a painful play for me.
That's too bad,|because you're gonna miss out on - some wonderful things.
|- Yeah, like what? My mom took me to see|"Caroline, or Change" in New York Tony Kushner's musical, and it was|the most amazing thing we ever saw.
Tony Kushner wrote "Angels in America.
" - I know who Tony Kushner is.
|- So you've seen his plays? No, my mom plays canasta with him|every month he's in town.
Tony Kushner plays canasta|with your mother? Badly, but, yes.
You have a magical life, Huntzberger,|and you don't even know it.
- So, where to next?|- I don't know.
Mahjong with Mamet.
- How's ice cream sound?|- Ice cream sounds great.
Then ice cream it is.
Logan, where are we going? Slow down.
You slow down, you die a little.
Yeah, you go too fast in heels,|and you kind of die also.
- What are we doing?|- We're getting ice cream.
But the dining hall's closed.
|We're breaking in.
- That's a very negative way to look at it.
|- How do you have a key to the dining hall? I know a lot of very powerful locksmiths.
What happens if we get caught?|Could we get suspended? They can't kick you out of school|for this, can they? Hey, relax, look around.
For tonight, this is all yours.
- It is kind of cool.
|- Wait till you see the kitchen.
I've never seen the cereal station|completely full before.
I'm never here early enough.
|I knew they had Cocoa Puffs.
- Then go crazy, ace.
|- No, we're getting ice cream.
There's no rule that says|you can't have ice cream and cereal.
Go on, get your Cocoa Puffs.
First Cocoa Puffs of the day.
|This is a historical moment.
Okay, next stop, ice cream.
- What're you doing?|- I'm looking for the swipe machine - so I can deduct points from my meal plan.
|- You're kidding, right? - The school pays for the food, and-|- Trust me with all the money|my family has donated to this school they can afford|to be out of a few Cocoa Puffs.
- Let's go.
|- This is fun.
You're an easy girl to please.
Let's hit the kitchen.
- Ace, come on.
|- I'm coming.
- Looks great.
|- Oh, that Ok.
Thanks.
That's enough there.
|Just make sure you get the stairs now.
No, those go outside.
|Anacencia will take care of you.
What a surprise.
|A plate of cookies on the coffee table to match the basket of cupcakes|on the reception desk.
- Come on, I always do this.
|- No, you always do this when a photographer|from "American TraveI" magazine is coming to photograph us,|for one of the Top Ten Inns in Connecticut.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
You know, I moved the furniture in the|bedrooms around four times last night.
- And you ended up?|- With everything in exactly the same place I started with.
- The dining room looks beautiful.
|- Thank you.
And what a surprise.
|A cake on every table.
So no one has to share.
Okay, floor looks good, table looks good.
- Hey, what happened to our books?|- What do you mean? All our beautiful leather-bound books.
Jonathan Swift, Edith Wharton,|Charles Dickens.
- A lot of them are gone.
|- The guests must have swiped them.
They swiped Jonathan Swift|and left me with "Clifford the Big Red Dog " and five copies of|He's Just Not That Into You? - We've been airplane-booked.
|- We gotta get them out of here.
Hey, Eddie, will you get these out of here?|Thanks.
I'll raid Rory's leftovers tonight.
There everybody is.
Who missed Michel? - Trick question? How was California?|- You know, it is insanity.
- What is different about me?|- You're wearing sunglasses inside? They are not sunglasses.
|They are eyewear.
Everyone in Los Angeles|wears pairs and pairs of eyewear.
- You look great.
|- I tell you, I belong out there.
Everybody is thin and gorgeous.
There's this place on Sunset Boulevard,|Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.
And everybody there talks exactly like me.
- Wow.
|- I got BOTOX.
Dr.
Wu, she's a genius,|everyone goes there.
And look, I got them done|by the same guy who does Nick Lachey.
- Okay, gather around.
I brought gifts.
|- Gifts? Great.
The shopping out there, unbelievable.
|Rodeo Drive.
Dig a hole and drop me in,|even if I'm not dead yet.
Okay, for you and for you.
It's a smog globe.
|They are so funny in California.
Well, what do you know?|He's Just Not That Into You.
I heard it's a fabulous book, and so true.
I haven't told you|the most amazing part yet.
You got your boobs done by same the guy|who did Pamela Anderson? No, though I did meet him|at the Coffee Bean.
I was at this place|called the Farmers Market and I was just sitting there|minding anybody's business and a man came up to me|and asked if I would like to be a contestant on "The Price Is Right.
" - You're kidding!|- I was so stunned.
I mean, I never considered being|on a game show but I was finished with my Bo Bo tea,|so I figured, why not? - They just asked you to be on?|- Yes.
That's weird.
Jackson's cousin Monty|did "The Price Is Right " and he told us that the contestants|had to get up at the crack of dawn stand in line for hours|with hundreds of tourists and then show how enthusiastic|a contestant they would be.
You know, jumping up and down,|screaming and yelling.
- You don't say.
|- Yeah.
And they had to wear|embarrassing T-shirts that said things like,|"Pick me, Bob, I neutered my dog.
" And they spent weeks studying the price|of turtle wax and Hamburger Helper.
Okay, fine, I may have jumped a little,|but I did not wear a T-shirt.
Michel, what would Nick Lachey's|teeth guy say? Make fun if you want,|but I walked away the winner of over $100,000 of cash and prizes.
- Then what's with the cheap gifts?|- That's not even that smoggy.
Why do I talk to you? Why? All right, I'm gonna run over to Luke's|and grab some dinner - and then I will be back to finish the setup.
|- Got it.
If you just put it in the box,|like I told you to I wouldn't have had to follow you in.
- Here's your fries.
|- Good.
- Where's the rest of your burger?|- I ate it.
- I was gone two seconds.
|- Ketchup, please.
By the time we get the ketchup,|the fries will be gone.
- You're right, forget the ketchup.
|- Slow down.
I can't slow down.
I only have 15 minutes|before I have to get back to the Inn.
You're gonna make yourself sick.
Yes, but my sickness|will remind me of you - so it'll be romantic.
|- Romantic nausea.
- I get that all the time.
|- Hit me with the pie.
- What pie?|- The boysenberry pie.
- We're out of boysenberry pie.
|- How can you be out of boysenberry pie? Because someone ordered the last piece.
But I specifically asked you to save me|a piece of boysenberry pie.
- No, you didn't.
|- Yes, I did.
- When?|- I left you a message.
- I never got a message.
|- I left it on your cell phone.
Is that what that|annoying beeping sound was? Yes, it was telling you|that your girlfriend called - and asked you to save her some pie.
|- I don't know how to use the voice mail.
- You don't?|- Or anything else on this stupid thing.
I know how to make a call|and answer a call and then I am out.
Give me that.
|You've got to learn how to use this thing because it is very powerful,|and wonderful - and it could change your life.
|- What are you doing? I am putting my number on speed dial so all you have to do is hit "1," see 'cause, like, I'm number one.
|And then I wonder who that could be.
- Hello?|- Give me.
No cell phones in the diner.
- See? Wasn't that fun?|- Totally.
- Want me to put it on vibrate for you?|- Your 15 minutes are up.
- Crap, I got to go.
|- Take a doughnut.
- So, then, Sunday?|- Pick you up at 8:00.
I'll leave you a message letting you know|your chances of getting lucky.
Hey, Kirk,|how's the ribbon collecting coming? - Why do you get him started?|- I think we're near the finish line.
- Who's winning?|- This isn't a contest.
- I just wanna know.
|- I don't care who's winning.
- Then you won't care if it's me.
|- Of course it's you.
You're the one that makes the costumes|for the Christmas pageant.
You make the ornaments|for the Firelight Festival.
You go to the town meetings.
|You say hello to people.
You have a daughter who looks like|she belongs on top of a Christmas tree.
Everybody knows|that gets you tons of points.
- Yeah.
|- There's no way to compete with that.
- Kirk?|- You're kicking his ass.
- Yes!|- This isn't a contest.
No, not now it isn't.
Kirk, I want a final tally,|because the ribbon loser is buying the ribbon-winner dinner|Sunday night.
Loser pays? When did we agree on that? I must have left that|on your voice mail, too.
- Hey, Mom.
|- Hey.
How would you feel|about doing a little shopping tomorrow? Hurt, confused, a little dirty.
I need to get a new|back-together-with-Luke dress - for my back-together-with-Luke date.
|- Where do you want to go? How about the new place where you got|the scarf with the bows on it? - Yes, cute place.
|- I want to go to the cute place.
-10.
00?|- I'll be the one holding coffee.
So, what are you doing tonight? - Mom.
|- What? Are you driving? - Sounds like you're driving.
|- I am driving.
- You are? Where you going?|- You know where I'm going, Mom.
- Disneyland?|- No.
- Puppy World?|- You're so immature.
- You're gonna make me say it?|- Say what? - I am on my way to Friday night dinner.
|- That's right.
- You're on the road to Hellville.
|- Do not gloat.
I'm not gloating.
|I'm gloating with hand gestures - Bye.
|- and a little soft shoe.
- Got to go.
|- Listen, enjoy your glazed woodcock with a side of truffled goose head.
- What a shame, I'm here.
|- You are not.
- See you tomorrow.
|- Rory, wait, I'm gloating with jazz hands.
Bye, Mom.
Finish up, Kirk.
I'm closing up early.
You're going to see Lorelai|tonight, aren't you? Actually, no.
She's working.
|I'm gonna see her Sunday night.
That sounds nice.
You guys probably spend|a lot of time together.
Yes, we do.
And you probably sleep over|at each other's houses, too.
Cookies are on the house, Kirk.
|Just go, okay? You know, Lulu's my first real girlfriend.
I had an imaginary girlfriend for a while|when I was young, but she left me.
That happens.
I wish Lulu and I could have|what you and Lorelai have.
You can have that, Kirk.
|You will have it, in fact why don't you leave|and go have it right now? I live with my mother.
Apparently,|I'm officially in this conversation.
- Don't know how it happened, but-|- My mother is allergic to Lulu.
The minute Lulu comes in the room,|Mother will cough and choke and turn red.
Her throat closes up,|everything gets puffy.
Lulu's tried everything.
She changed her soap, her perfume,|shampoo, cream rinse, deodorant.
She's actually kind of a mess right now,|but nothing seems to work.
- Kirk.
|- Obviously, I can't have Mother choking three times a week so I considered constructing|a separate entrance to my room so that Lulu won't actually have to|walk through the house but that's gonna cost about $40,000 because I'd have to break through|a bearing wall Kirk, stop.
|This is ridiculous.
You're a grown man.
You've got to change your living situation.
My mother won't move out.
I've asked.
I'm not talking about your mother,|I'm talking about you.
- Me?|- Yes, you.
Get a life, get some independence,|get out of there.
- But-|- You want to have a real relationship - with Lulu?|- Yes.
Then grow up, be a man.
I'm not sure I understand|what you're saying to me.
Kirk, I have given you the Lincoln Logs.
|You have to build the cabin.
Lock the door behind you.
You're not talking|about a real cabin, are you? 'Cause if a new entrance|is gonna cost $40,000 - then a cabin's got to be more.
|- Good night, Kirk.
Emily, they're here.
Hurry, please.
My goodness,|the bag is bigger than you are.
I brought you some recent issues|of the "Yale Daily News.
" We've been doing|some really good articles lately.
And some with a byline|I might be familiar with, I hope.
I believe that, yes you'll find some highlighted sections|in your hymnals.
- Then hand the bag over, my dear.
|- Okay.
Sorry to keep everyone waiting.
Luckily, we had plenty to read.
- Hello, Rory.
|- Hello, Grandma.
- Let's go in the living room, shall we?|- Excellent idea.
Pardon me, Mrs.
Gilmore,|shall I put the salads out now, ma'am? - We haven't had drinks yet, Olympia.
|- Yes, ma'am.
I wrote it all down on the refrigerator pad|for you, Olympia.
- Is someone else coming for dinner?|- Someone else? No, it's just gonna be us.
"Us," meaning,|just the three of us here, right? I mean, you know Mom's not coming? Actually- Of course we know|your mother's not coming.
The maid made a mistake.
|Olympia, it was three for dinner, not four.
She's fired.
Clear that place at once, please.
Richard, take Rory in the living room.
|I'll just do it myself.
All right.
Now, I had Olympia write out|the reheating instructions for the goose, and they work.
- I had her test it during dessert.
|- Thank you, Grandma.
I also put some Harry and David fruit|in there.
You can eat the pears with a spoon.
I'll remember that.
|Bye, Grandpa.
Bye, Grandma.
- Bye.
|- Bye, Rory.
- That was a pleasant evening.
|- Really? What dinner were you at? We weren't exactly sure|she was coming, Emily.
I was sure.
I don't understand it.
|Why wasn't she here? - I'm guessing she had something to do.
|- Something to do? What does that mean, "something to do"? It means she had a previous engagement or meeting, a dinner, perhaps.
I know what "something to do"|means, Richard.
- My apologies, Emily.
|- It doesn't make any sense at all.
I went down there.
|I arranged the whole thing.
She got her filthy diner owner back.
- What is the problem?|- I don't know.
Lorelai is as much of a mystery to me|as she is to you.
I made a whole goose|for three people, wasteful.
Do you think it's possible|that they didn't get back together? - What?|- Perhaps it didn't happen.
Maybe he didn't understand|what you were telling him to do.
How could he not understand?|I spelled it out for him, step by step.
I spoke clearly and slowly.
There's no way he didn't understand|what I was telling him to do.
All right, then perhaps he understood|but he simply didn't do it.
He's not the most take-charge|sort of fellow, you know.
He never did follow through|on my advice to franchise his diner.
Oh, my God, you're right.
He didn't do it.
He didn't go to her|like I specifically told him to.
- So it would seem.
|- What an imbecile that man is.
You gave it your best effort.
|No one can say you didn't.
- I just don't believe it.
|- Don't worry, Emily.
I'm sure she'll come around eventually.
And then at least we won't have to|deal with them as a couple.
Here, let me freshen up your drink.
If I still want that sweater in 20 minutes,|I'm coming back to get it.
Okay, wait,|what is wrong with this picture? Look at you.
An armful of bags and a potential 20-minute sweater|on the way.
- Look at me, completely bagless.
|- Relax, the day is still young.
There are no more clothes|out there for me.
The Lorelai look is over.
|I wish someone had told me.
- That would have helped.
|- See? That's what I want.
- Come on, let's follow her.
|- I'm not following that girl.
But she knows where my stores are,|and she looks about my size so if she happens to have an aneurysm|between now and tomorrow night What? Oh, my God, is that Logan? It is Logan.
I can't believe it.
What a jerk.
- Mom, it's okay.
|- No, it's not okay.
He's sitting over there with a girl.
- No, you don't.
Get me a rock.
|- Mom.
I am beating him with a rock.
- Mom, stop, it's fine.
|- How is it fine? - I'm sorry, aren't you still seeing him?|- Yeah.
Okay, so if you're still seeing him,|and he's over there seeing her how is that okay? - Because we're keeping things casual.
|- Casual? We see each other, we see other people and that's him over there|seeing other people.
So it's fine.
We both agreed.
Okay, if you both agreed, then okay.
- But aren't you guys sleeping together?|- Mom, it's college.
- Right, it's college.
|- We're both busy.
We have class, we have friends.
|You know, it's good to - just keep things caj, have fun, that's it.
|- Fun, sure, I get it.
Friends with benefits.
|No problem.
I watch "Oprah.
" Okay, so, are you sure|you're cool with this? - I'm completely cool with this.
|- Okay, because it just really bothers- Mom, look over there.
|I think the Lorelai look is back and it's in velvet.
So, Hal, what do you think? The living-room/reception area|might be a nice place to start.
I really need to shoot the exteriors first.
|We're about to lose the light.
Great idea.
Let me tell you|we are very proud of our exteriors.
Why don't I get Michel|to show you outside and help you set up? - Okay.
|- No, this is unacceptable.
Put your supervisor on the phone now.
|Now, right now.
Hey, everything okay, Michel? Yes, everything is fine.
Lots of sunshine.
I'll be right with you.
I insist you do something about this before I go out and find a stick|and make it pointy and come and find your cubicle|and poke you very hard.
Tell you what,|why don't I just show you outside myself? Okay.
Sure, I'll hold.
Copy! - You're gonna do it on conference?|- Fax.
- That's a look of great determination.
|- Yes, I'm determined to finish this piece before my caffeine buzz wears off,|and I have about 30 seconds left.
- So?|- So? - Did I see you on State Street with|- Yeah.
Right.
- So you saw me on State Street with|- Yep.
- So?|- So? - Are we still good?|- Absolutely.
- Really?|- Logan we both agreed, no strings attached,|remember? I remember.
I was checking to see|how well you remember.
- I remember perfectly.
|- Okay, that's good to hear, so We're not gonna do|the "so" thing again, are we? No, promise, no more so's.
- Would you take an "um"?|- Depends.
Where's it leading? Are you busy or do you feel like|grabbing a cup of coffee? Why? Do you have the master key|to a Starbucks or something? - No, I just thought we'd walk in and pay.
|- Wow.
Old school.
- Sure, let's go.
|- Okay, let's go.
Yeah, there, right there.
|How's it looking, Hal? I think we're good with the flowers.
|Let's start clearing everyone out of there.
- How's it going?|- I think we're getting ready to shoot.
What are you doing? Just in case he doesn't|have time to get a shot of the kitchen - people will get to see the food.
|- You're insane.
Okay, we're ready.
Well, try something else.
|I don't care, just stop it.
Block it with your body,|Tiananmen Square, be a hero.
- Michel, what's wrong?|- I will tell you what's wrong.
Ned the bellman is wrong.
He's useless.
I gave him specific instructions,|and he ignored them.
What the hell is that? No, do not drive that here.
It was not supposed to arrive|for two more days.
- Seriously, what is that?|- My over $100,000 in cash and prizes.
That's what you won? That and many boxes of some sort|of instant-rice dish that I have yet to feel a need to sample.
- Are you Michel Gerard?|- Yes.
Michel Gerard, I'm pleased to present you|with your motor home.
Step on inside,|and I'll show you how everything works.
I don't want to know how it works.
|I don't want to hear at all.
Michel, I don't understand.
After I won this monstrosity,|I told them I do not want it.
I wanted the cash.
But they said they would only give me|half of what it was worth.
Yeah, Jackson's cousin won|a washer-dryer on "The $25,000 Pyramid " but he decided to take|half the cash value because he likes to go to|the Laundromat to pick up women.
I'm not Jackson's cousin.
|I have all of my chromosomes.
And I don't want half of the cash value.
I want the entire $100,000|that was flashing under my face.
Excuse me.
|Do you want to know how to use it or not? Because the leveling jacks|can be a little tricky.
- No, I do not want to know how to use it!|- Okay, enjoy your day.
Drop dead and we'll discuss it.
They told me I had a week before|they were delivering it.
I put an ad on-line,|and I was going to sell it.
And then I get a call it is coming,|and it has not been a week.
Wait.
Sir, could I pay you|to just take this away for an hour you know, drive it around,|show it the sights? Sorry, once we deliver the keys,|it's out of our hands.
- Lorelai?|- Taking care of it, Hal.
By the time all this dust clears,|I'm afraid we'll have lost the light anyway.
No, we're not losing the light.
|We'll keep the light and lose the dust.
Sookie, get the dustbusters.
|Michel, move this thing.
A squirrel got the roast.
- Michel.
|- I don't know how it works.
- Figure it out.
|- You figure it out.
It's like the space shuttle in here.
- Okay, we're done here.
|- What? No! Look, it's too late.
I can take some interior shots|just for the hell of it.
Oh, sure.
Sookie, why don't you|show him the kitchen? Really? Great.
Follow me.
You know, I can't believe it.
I can't believe you had your motor home delivered here, to the Inn, today.
I was supposed to have a week.
I know the world revolves around you,|and we all have to understand that - but this was important.
|- I didn't think it was coming today.
You didn't think, period.
I don't always expect you|to be a great help around here but how about not being|a super-colossal hindrance to us all, okay? Business or pleasure? "SociaI Origins of Dictatorship|and Democracy.
"Lord and Peasant in the Making|of the Modern World.
" - Pleasure.
|- Have you read it? I'm waiting for the film to come out.
Yeah, I know.
I heard Renée Zellweger's|gaining a ton of weight to play the peasant.
Listen, I was wondering if you're doing|anything tomorrow night.
- I don't know.
Why?|- It's Finn's birthday.
He's having a party.
|Lots of booze, no food whatsoever.
- That Finn.
|- I was wondering if you'd like to go.
- With you?|- That was the plan, yes.
Well, sure.
- Yes?|- Yes, I'd love to.
Let's celebrate another year of Finn.
Excellent.
Now, it's themed.
Anything|Quentin Tarantino is acceptable and I'll pick you up|at your room around 9:00.
- Sounds good.
|- Does it? How about that? Hey, Sookie, have you seen Michel? He was arranging a car|to take the Martins to Foxwoods.
I think he's showing some people|the motor home.
- Now?|- He asked me if it was okay.
I told him it was okay.
Is it okay? - Yeah, but why didn't he just ask me?|- I think he's little afraid of you.
Afraid of me, of kitten?|Was I really that mean? - You were upset.
|- I was mean.
You know Michel, he likes to dish it out but he's extremely sensitive|when you give it back.
- Yeah, I guess.
|- You can't even tease him.
He never wore|those red cowboy boots again.
I remember.
I'm sure he'll get over it.
You know Michel.
Yeah.
Hey, could you ask Eddie|to get the Martins a car? You got it.
What's the gas mileage like?|The gas mileage? It's 5,000 pounds of metal on wheels.
|I'm sure the mileage is fabulous.
- Would you take $20,000 for it?|- $20,000? But it's brand-new and Whatever.
$20,000, sure.
You got a check? Hi.
What Michel means to say is that he would happily entertain all offers for this top-of-the-line, streamlined,|beautiful motor home.
- I mean, look at it.
I just may buy it myself.
|- What are you talking about? - Offer $30,000.
|- Has everyone seen inside this baby? Because if you haven't,|you need to, seriously.
And while you're taking a look please note the plush,|soil-and-stain-resistant wall-to-wall wallpaper that accents the beautiful|maple-ish paneling.
Yeah.
Oh, that's fabulous.
$20,000?|You're just giving this thing away.
That's what I was told to do.
I didn't know|about the "maple-ish paneling.
" Michel, you can't sell this thing|for $20,000.
- What are you thinking?|- Apparently, I'm not.
Apparently, I never think.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
|- Whatever.
Michel, I was just tense|about the photo shoot and I said things I shouldn't have said.
- You know I didn't mean them, right?|- I do not know that at all.
I think you do.
I think you know this Inn|could not run without you and I think you know I know|this Inn could not run without you.
What about your photo shoot?|I ruined it for you, no? We rescheduled the photo shoot.
|Everything's fine.
I could have told you they'd reschedule.
|Everything with you is so dramatic.
- So, what are we gonna do here?|- I just want the thing gone.
Michel, you had $100,000|flash under your face and the entire world saw it.
- Now, come on, go get your money.
|- Well Seriously, Michel,|the rube with the crossed eyes and the bolo tie, I say that's your man.
He does look stupid, doesn't he? Yeah, and familiar with the ways|of hooking up things to local sewer lines.
Go get him.
Yes, I'll zero in on him.
|If worse comes to worst the woman with the elastic-waist jeans|should be a nice backup.
Attaboy.
- If I hold out, maybe I can get $120,000-|- Just sell the thing.
Right.
- Well?|- It's too sparkly.
- It's not too sparkly.
|- I look like a chandelier.
- What shoes are you wearing?|- The pink pumps.
- I like those.
|- Are they a little too "come and get it"? - Don't you want him to come and get it?|- Yes but I want it to be his idea|to come and get it.
It's not the same if the shoes|tell him to come and get it.
I really want to stop saying,|"Come and get it.
" - Fine.
|- I have to get ready.
- Going out?|- As a matter of fact, I have a date tonight.
- Logan?|- No, Robert.
- Who's Robert?|- He's a friend.
- Have I met this Robert?|- No, you have not met this Robert.
- What's his last name?|- Why? Do you think I'm making him up? I just wondered if I ever heard you|mention him before.
He's just a guy I know at Yale,|and there's a party tonight for another guy I know at Yale,|and Robert Grimaldi asked me to go so I am going to go.
So, does this mean it's over with Logan? Nope, it just means that tonight|I'm going out with Robert.
- And you like this Robert, right?|- Right.
You know the party's a Quentin Tarantino-themed|party, and you have to wear costumes - so I'm going as Gogo.
|- Because you have the skirt.
- And no other ideas.
|- Cluelessness is the mother of invention.
- Call me after.
|- I will do that.
This dress is too slutty.
The dress is fine.
|The person in it, however You're breaking up.
|The house is going through a tunnel.
You're breaking up.
- I was gonna|- I just heard the car, so I - No, but I always|- I know.
I should have - No, I should have.
|- No.
- Okay, this is stupid.
|- Yes, it is.
- It's not like we've never done this before.
|- We have.
And successfully.
- I made it to the door.
|- I made it to the car.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
So, I thought we'd go to Marino's.
|You like Marino's, right? - What is this? "Reggae Fever?"|- So? When did you buy this?|Where did you buy this? - Why did you buy this?|- I was at the gas station last week.
It was at the register.
What's the big deal? The big deal is, it's "Reggae Fever.
" - I know.
|- When you look in the mirror - do you see "Reggae Fever?"|- It was cheap.
"Ja Glory" by Toots Bambada "Lively up Yourself"by the Family Zigzag "Let Your Ya be Ya" by Ranking Roy.
" What else am I gonna find in here?|Ganja and a yellow-green-red knit cap? I bought a CD.
I didn't adopt|the entire Rastafarian culture.
This is so weird.
I mean, to think there was|this whole chunk of time when we weren't together,|we were living totally separate lives.
I was just working like crazy and you were running around|and buying reggae CDs.
One CD.
One.
I just hate that we were apart.
Yeah, wasn't too fond of it myself.
All I can say is,|you're lucky I'm back in your life because clearly you were lost without me.
And it's a miracle you're even still alive.
Right? You bet.
Not a moment too soon.
No, thanks.
I think I'm gonna try to get through|the doorway first.
Novel approach.
|You're gonna be an interesting date.
- Robert.
|- What are you? - Dead extra number two.
|- Brilliant, my friend.
Happy birthday, Finn.
|You owe me $40.
Maybe for my birthday|you'll forgive me that.
Does your father have any idea what a toll his cross-dressing|took on your psyche? - That was your father, Finn.
|- You're right.
My God, that explains a lot.
- Do I know you?|- Rory Gilmore, Finn.
Pleasure to meet you.
|All right, children, drink and be merry for tomorrow|we will all be in a great deal of pain.
Thank you, darling.
Your name and your phone number|would also be appreciated.
- Finn's quite an original.
|- Yes, he is.
- Have I told you I like your costume?|- No, you didn't.
All right, did that count, or are you|expecting me to say it again? - I think we're good.
|- Let's get a drink.
Hey, Colin, where's your date? I went to pick her up, the door opens,|and she's dressed like Mira Sorvino.
How do you dress like Mira Sorvino? You have blond hair and a name tag|that says, "Mira Sorvino.
" I just turned around and left.
Well, the gang's all here.
- Robert, good to see you.
|- Hello, Logan.
- Rory, I like the costume.
|- I like yours, too.
This is Whitney.
Whitney, Robert, Rory.
|You know Colin.
- Hi.
|- Whitney, is your friend Josie here? Yeah, she's over there with the guy|dressed like Harvey Weinstein.
Perfect.
I'll see you later.
- Leave her alone, Colin.
|- Yes, of course.
- So, good party?|- Seems like it.
- Music's cool.
|- Very cool.
We're just heading over to the bar.
|Can we get you two anything? - No, we're just gonna take a look around.
|- Okay, we'll catch you later.
Sounds good.
- Hey, Robert?|- Yes? What's your last name? My God, turn that off.
Getting to you, huh? They keep playing that same song|over and over and over.
I've got news for you.
|That was not the same song.
- My God, you're kidding.
What was that?|- I don't know.
- Sounds like it came from the garage.
|- There's someone in my garage? Weird time for gardening, isn't it? - Could be, like, a raccoon.
|- Hey, don't shovel the raccoon.
- Just stay back, will you?|- Luke, you can't hurt a raccoon.
They're cute.
They have face masks|like little furry burglars.
And sharp teeth that chew|through your wiring, and rabies.
- I'm not gonna hit it.
I'm gonna scare it.
|- Why don't you play it your "Reggae Fever?" Do you see it? - It's one hell of a raccoon.
|- Shovel up.
I probably should be more surprised|than I am, right? - Kirk, wake up.
|- And he's naked.
- Oh, Kirk.
Jeez.
|- Where am I? - You're in my house, Kirk.
|- You're in my boat, Kirk.
- I'm exposed.
|- We know, Kirk.
Let's do something about that, huh, Kirk? I'm good now.
Kirk, what you doing here? - I left Mother's.
|- No.
Did you have a fight? Did she take away|your Beach Boys album again? No, I just got so excited about|the thought of a new life you know of striking out on my own|and being my own man.
Right, Luke? - "Right, Luke?"|- So I did it.
I packed my clothes,|and I gave my mother my key and I said goodbye, and I left.
Kirk, that's a big deal,|you leaving like that.
I know it is,|but Luke explained to me that if I really want to move to the next level|with Lulu and have a real grown-up relationship|with sleepovers and everything - then I had to get out.
|- I don't think that's exactly what I said.
Yes, it was,|and I felt really good about it until I realized that I had no place to go.
I probably should have found|an apartment first.
- Probably.
|- You can stay in Rory's room.
- Really?|- Really? Just for tonight.
|We'll find you someplace tomorrow.
Okay.
You know, I think you've got a raccoon|in here.
Just go on in the house, Kirk.
- What were you thinking?|- Kirk was at the diner talking about how he wished how he and Lulu had what|we have, and I just mentioned- Are you insane? Everybody knows|you can't mention anything to Kirk.
I was cornered.
I was tired.
|I wanted to go to sleep.
Now we have to go in there|and take care of him.
- He is now our responsibility.
|- But- Pottery Barn, baby.
|You break it, you buy it.
Jeez.
My entire goal in life|is to outlive my brother inherit the family fortune,|put all my sisters out on the street and live as frivolously as possible have numerous wives,|thousands of illegitimate children and die completely alone,|and leave every cent - to a parrot named Polly.
|- That's your entire goal in life? Except for the name of the parrot,|I stick to everything I just said.
You're a fascinating specimen, Robert.
- Josie's a lesbian.
|- You struck out, Colin? - Whatever.
Is Lydia here?|- Yes.
She's here with Patrick, her fiancé.
God, I hate these stupid,|incestuous parties.
It's the same people over and over.
- Who's as drunk as I am?|- No one since Spencer Tracy died.
Are there any interesting women|here at all? - Have you tried Josie?|- I'm getting a drink.
All righty.
I have to go make the rounds.
- Have I met you yet?|- Several times.
All right, then.
So, how about that drink? - Nothing too strong.
|- See what I can do.
- Hey, Ace, having a good time?|- I am, thanks.
Good.
That's good.
Me, too.
|I'm having a good time, too.
- Good.
|- Yes, it is good.
I didn't know you knew Robert.
I met him|at the Life and Death Brigade gathering.
- And the poker game.
|- Oh, right.
Right, he must have made|quite an impression.
- He just asked me out is all.
|- Sure.
- He's kind of a jerk.
|- Excuse me? Robert.
He's kind of a jerk.
|Have you noticed he's kind of a jerk? No.
- Night's young.
Okay, come on.
|- Where are we going? Logan? - You look great.
|- Thank you.
- Logan, stop.
|- Right.
So, how you been? - I've been fine.
|- Good.
School's good? - School's hard.
|- It's supposed to be hard.
It's grooming you for life.
|Making you an upstanding citizen.
- God-fearing Christian.
|- Habitual recycler.
- We can't do this here, Logan.
|- You're right.
Let's go.
- Go where?|- Your place, my place.
Let's take a train to New York,|spend the night in the Plaza.
We can't just leave.
We have dates.
- I don't like this.
|- Like what? - You here with Robert.
|- You're here with Whitney.
- I know.
|- So, what's the problem? The problem is you're here with Robert,|and it's bothering me.
- I don't like that it's bothering me.
|- Sorry.
Do you want us to leave? - No, I want us to leave, you and me.
|- I can't do that.
You want to spend the night with Robert,|instead of me? - I came here with Robert.
|- So dump Robert.
- I hate Robert.
|- He's your friend.
So what? I still hate him.
- Logan, you're the one who said-|- I know what I said.
Okay, then, I have to go.
I have a date.
|Enjoy the rest of the party.
There's nothing in here but ice cream,|candy bars, cookie dough, canned frosting.
- Why are you not 450 pounds?|- Scientists call it the Lorelai paradox.
- Who you calling?|- No one.
Just seeing if Rory left a message.
Who's washing those? Why, was she supposed|to leave a message? No, I was just hoping.
We out of plastic? Why were you hoping?|Everything okay with her? Yeah, she just had a date tonight.
|Get four.
Those tend to break.
- Is she out with that Logan kid?|- No, Robert.
- Who's Robert?|- I know nothing about him except his last name is Grimaldi.
- When did she break up with Logan?|- She didn't.
- I don't understand.
|- It's college.
- What the hell's that mean?|- It means, "Butt out, back off "none of your business.
" Rory suddenly decided she's "Dating Girl.
" That's okay, right?|Isn't that what kids are supposed to do? It's just It's not Rory.
I don't think|it's what is gonna make her happy.
It seems wrong for her.
- You said something to her?|- No.
She's been so chatty lately wanting to be able to talk about Logan|and her life, so - Now I just don't know what to do.
|- You talk back.
I am, but I feel like|I need to be really careful what I say.
- Oh, come on.
That's ridiculous.
|- She's not at home anymore.
- She's on her own.
|- Doesn't matter.
It matters a little.
There have been very few times|in our relationship when I ever played the Mom card but I always had it there|in my back pocket.
And when I used it, she had to hear|and take it because she lived here.
And even if she didn't like it|or even if she got mad the worst that would happen|is she would run into her room and slam the door and blast the jam.
|But then in the morning I controlled the bathroom,|and the Pop-Tarts and she had to deal with me.
Eventually, we'd make up, and it was over.
|But now - Nothing's different.
|- Of course it's different.
She's on her own.
|She's making her own decisions.
My mom card's looking a little flimsier,|and I don't know how much to say to her.
If she doesn't want to hear it,|she doesn't have to take it.
- She doesn't have to call or come home.
|- She'll call.
She'll come home.
Yeah, I hope so.
I don't know.
- Do we lock the front door?|- I'll be right back.
Kirk! Get back here, Kirk.
What on earth is wrong with you|besides the obvious lack of fashion sense? What are you- I told you to get back together|with Lorelai.
I told you exactly what to do|and exactly what to say.
- What do you need, a cheat sheet?|- Emily, I Some flash cards,|some "Sesame Street" characters - to sing a song about it?|- Look.
Do you think it was easy for me|to come to you like that? Do you think I enjoyed it? Like I was just sitting around my house,|thinking, "What shall I do tonight? "I know.
I can drive to Stars Hollow "and humiliate myself|at the local greasy spoon.
" - Okay, I'm in the middle of-|- I don't care what you're in the middle of! My family is being torn apart,|because, for some reason you aren't capable of taking|simple instructions and putting your relationship|back together! - Hello?|- Just because you run a diner and have mastered the art|of the blank stare does not mean it's going to work with me! And Richard went through a great deal|of trouble to set the whole thing up and you never even called Herb Smith.
Apparently, you can't follow through|with anything, not even a razor! Mom, what are you doing here? I'm having what I'm sure|will turn out to be yet another fruitless conversation|with this man.
- I'm sorry, Luke.
I'm really, really sorry.
|- It's okay.
Mom, go home.
You have no right|to barge in here and cause a scene.
I have something I want to say.
No.
We don't want to hear|what you have to say.
We just want you|to please butt out of our lives.
Our lives? So, there's an "our lives"? - Are you two back together?|- Yes.
We are.
So you did go to her, just like I told you to.
We got back together because|we wanted to get back together.
Then I simply don't understand.
If you're together,|then what's the problem? - What are you talking about?|- Why won't you come to Friday dinner? Whatever happened between|the two of you, I obviously fixed it.
You fixed it? You broke it.
Just because Luke and I|found a way to repair the damage doesn't erase the fact that it happened.
- What I did, I did out of concern.
|- Oh, please.
As your mother,|I have the right to be concerned especially when it looks like|you're taking your life down a completely disastrous path.
|I had to jump in.
- Mom!|- Lorelai! Please hear me.
If I want your input in my life|in any way, shape, or form, I will ask for it.
Until then, do us all a favor and shut up! I got to say, I'm suddenly a big fan|of the speed dial.
- Hey, kid, What's going on?|- I just got a call from Kirk.
He wanted to know|if he could crash at my dorm.
- Oh, boy.
|- How did he get my number? - He probably got it off the fridge.
|- Okay.
- And what was Kirk doing near our fridge?|- It's a long story.
Okay, well, tell me later.
I want to hear|how the back-together date went.
- It was very successful.
|- Did he like the dress? - The dress was a hit.
|- I told you.
- And how was your date with Robert?|- Completely insane.
- You won't believe the evening I had.
|- Tell me.
So, Robert and I get to the party,|and Logan was there.
And at first,|everything was completely caj and then as the evening went on,|he got more and more jealous.
- Really?|- Oh, yeah.
He wanted me to leave with him,|blow off Robert.
- And did you?|- No, of course not.
I told him that I came with Robert|and I was leaving with Robert.
- And then I walked away and it was great.
|- Sounds great.
And since then, by the way,|Logan has called twice today.
We're going out tonight and we've already made plans|for this week.
Complete and total turnaround.
Well, sounds like all the balls|are in your court or - Well, you know what I mean.
|- You okay? You sound down.
No, I'm fine.
|What are you gonna wear tonight? I thought I'd go with|the 20-minute sweater.
Oh, cute.
The answer is no.
Look, Jerry, I sold you the motor home.
|It is now yours.
I'm a very busy man.
|I do not have time for all this.
All right, for $20,|I will measure the shower for you.
No, that is on top of the $40|for the cupboard space and the pullout table.
Well, I'm sorry if you're feeling ripped off.
I can call elastic-pants lady and see if she'd like|to take the motor home off your hands.
I thought so.
Hold on.
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