Magnum, P.I. (1980) s05e17 Episode Script
The Love-For-Sale Boat
My God! Hi, Higgins.
You have received some stolen goods from James Bonig.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm gonna kill him.
Will you stop that? Hai.
Ice Pick, I told you, Thomas will get your cash back.
I don't have the money.
I gotta break both your legs.
Get him, Mac! Right.
Mac! Just a little lower.
Yeah.
You girls are terrific, you know that? Say, did you ever see the Statue of Liberty or the Washington Monument or the Or the overripe American about to burst? Kanki.
How the hell are you, buddy? Betrayed, hurt, possibly foolish.
You tell me, James.
You know, I really wasn't sure myself whether or not those diamonds were real.
I mean, I'll tell you what.
You're like a dad to me.
Why don't you let me make it up to you? Okay? Not okay.
You have offended my affection for you and my intelligence.
Come on, it was just a slight misjudgment.
How was I supposed to know those diamonds Silence.
The more you talk, the more I grow angry.
No man has ever done such a thing to me and lived.
But you mean a lot to me, James.
Shoot, you know how I feel about you, Kanki.
Say, why don't we just forget this whole silly thing ever happened and have a cup of sake and a good laugh? After I cut off your finger.
It is a great honor.
I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve it, really.
I will return in one hour.
In the meantime, enjoy yourself and think about what it means to betray one who once thought of you as a son.
Sakiko, guess what? What, Bonig-san? I don't know how to exactly tell you this, but Well, instead of money for those diamonds I sold Kanki, he wants to give me you girls instead.
Isn't that something? You mean, you are our new master? Yeah, you got it.
Say, there wouldn't happen to be another door out of here, would there? Good.
A few vital statistics that explain why paradise is called paradise.
There are 326 days of sunshine each year, an annual average temperature of 86 degrees, billions and billions of gallons of blue Pacific and one Orville "Rick" Wright, who will bet on anything.
Hi, Rick.
Don't "Hi, Rick" me, Thomas.
Just get on the boat and enjoy the day.
And remember, anybody asks you, you're a charter member of the club and your last name is Wong.
Wong? Right.
Come on, Rick.
You're not still mad at me, are you? I mean, a bet's a bet.
You've got to be gracious about these things.
Gracious? A 10-point spread on a soccer game? Well, serves me right for betting on a dumb sport where I can't pronounce the names and they play with their feet.
I hope you don't catch nothing.
Hi, guys.
Hi, Mr.
Wong.
Could you hand me down my tackle and my cooler, please? A bet's a bet.
Mac.
Mac.
Mac! I'll be right back! You're history.
You're dead meat! Leave master alone.
Come on, Rick, stop it.
Get away, leave him alone! - Get me out of here! Stop it.
Rick, what a coincidence.
I haven't seen you in Five weeks.
Yeah, I guess that's what they mean by absence making the heart grow fonder.
Fonder? Come on, stop it! Let me go, I'm gonna kill him.
Stop it! You're not still mad about that little Congratulations.
You just won dinner for two at Honolulu's famed King Kamehameha Club, courtesy of Rick Wright.
No, I'm not mad.
Why should I be mad? Cut it out.
Will you stop that? Hai.
Look, I can explain the whole thing.
Mac, come on.
The raffle winners identified your picture.
They said you called yourself Floyd, Orville's brother.
Yeah.
But are you gonna be happy when I tell you the whole thing.
Now, look Happy? Happy? A hundred tickets? Two hundred dinners? Yeah.
I kept the concept small.
Look, I know how exclusive that club is.
Very exclusive, and very scared of bad PR.
I mean, Higgins and the board not only made Rick honor the tickets, they made him pick up the tab.
Three grand.
Gee, that's great! Great, huh? Great? Yeah, 'cause I happen to have sold six grand worth of raffle tickets.
All of which you can write off on your taxes, by the way.
Now, how's that for doubling your money? And the profits from the dinner winner contest went to buy some grateful shut-ins in Long Beach a color television set.
A 13-inch? Six grand for a 13-inch color television set? With a remote control.
Okay, okay, I had some administrative and travel expenses, but I can come up with the receipts.
You just come up with my money.
I can't believe you take that attitude, Rick.
Okay, fine.
Hey, listen, I'll gladly take the deduction and I'll give you back your measly three grand in five days.
Mac.
Now look, just listen to me for a minute, okay? I'm down here today to set sail for Maui, where I'm going to sell that.
Then I'm gonna fly to Frisco, where I'm gonna buy a Japanese restaurant for Sakiko and her sisters.
And I guarantee you there'll be at least three grand change from that.
That boat? - Yep.
- Those girls? - Yep.
Nope.
I'm not gonna stay here and listen to this.
Because none of it's gonna be true.
And all that can happen is trouble.
No.
I'm leaving.
I'm going around that corner and I'm going to spend the day fishing, even if I do have to answer to Wong.
I don't care.
Bye.
Wait! Wait! Bye, Mr.
Wong.
Wait, guys! What a tragedy.
You know, Leeann really loved me.
Maybe too much.
Anyway, for the two years the relationship lasted, it was a beautiful one.
You know, she had oil wells in her back yard, literally.
She bought me a Porsche, she bought me a beach house, this boat.
And I blew it.
How could you blow it? Well, Leanne found me in a compromising situation with another lady.
Couldn't you explain? Well, of course I did.
It was perfectly innocent, really.
I was merely demonstrating a little-known technique for curing the hiccups, and Leeann understood that and everything was fine until she caught me demonstrating that same technique with a blonde in the beach house and a brunette in the Porsche.
Yeah, and these three on the boat.
No, no, no.
These girls are my crew.
Anyway, Leeann gave me the yacht for old times' sake, but cash wins out over sentiment.
So tomorrow I leave Maui with 115 in cash and pay you your three grand back.
Wait a minute.
You gotta be kidding.
Mac, this is worth twice that much.
Not to me.
I don't like boats.
I'd rather have a restaurant.
Mac, you don't have to give it away.
I mean, with a setup like this, you can go into business and make twice as much as a Japanese restaurant.
What kind of a business? Well, I guess it's a dumb idea.
You mean, like a charter boat? You mean rent it out to fishermen, like the King Kamehameha II? Rick, you're dreaming.
This tug's way out of your league.
I mean, unreal upkeep.
You got maintenance, you got supplies, docking fees, these girls' salaries.
The girls get big money? Well, relatively speaking, they work pretty cheap, but see, Leeann signed them to an ironclad one-year contract, and whoever buys the boat has to honor it.
I'll take them.
I mean, it.
$150,000, Rick, I'm not making offers here.
The boat's sold.
Hey, the deal isn't sewed up yet.
You still owe me three grand, remember.
Well, then, give me Thank you, sweetheart.
Look.
Rick, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but it just won't work.
I mean, you and me, well, we're just not the right types for this kind of life.
You know what I mean? Why not? Well, let me put it to you this way.
On the one hand, you have the kind of business mind that sees an opportunity and takes the big risk.
But he has that knack for seeing his destiny on the horizon, setting his course, never ever falling asleep at the helm.
You and me, we just like to sleep too much.
No.
I'm I am that kind of guy.
I just never had the chance to prove it.
Okay.
Okay, Rick.
Okay.
Now, I'm going to need 30 grand down on this restaurant.
Can you come up with 30 and $1,500 a month? I'll talk to the bank, Monday.
Monday.
See, Monday.
Monday.
See, you lose your financing and I lose the Maui deal and the boat.
No, why don't we just forget it.
I can see you're just way over your head.
No.
I'll have the money tomorrow.
I just have to talk to a couple of investors.
Investors? Magnum's not going to put any money in this boat.
Not after the way he walked off.
I'm not talking about Thomas.
Well, who then? Why me? And more to the point, why you? You don't even like water.
I like money.
Everybody does.
It's more to it than that, Ice Pick.
It's like I'm seizing my opportunity.
It's like taking the big risk.
You know, it's like I see my destiny on the horizon.
And I never, never want to fall asleep at the helm.
Norman Vincent Peale? Oh, Dale Carnegie? I don't know those guys.
I want to go into business with you.
Twenty grand.
I'll give you a quarter interest.
Not me.
A third? No investment.
But I'll make you a straight simple interest loan.
$20,000 at 25%.
Okay.
First payment, next Friday.
And you got to start dating my daughter Hilda again.
Anything.
Ricky.
You know, I love you like a son.
I'd hate to have to punish you.
T.
C: Ice Pick.
Ice Pick? You let yourself get in hock to Ice Pick? T.
C.
, can't you see that I'm busy trying to open for business? Business? What business? There's no one here.
Well, there will be.
Mac and I closed the deal late last night, and I just got here.
And you know, it's too bad that you didn't have the foresight to get in on the action.
Well, I guess that's the story of my life.
Not enough foresight.
Go ahead, make fun.
But when the word gets out, I'm gonna be fighting them off.
Well, looks like word got out.
Oh.
Girls.
Girls, pop open a bottle of champagne.
Our first customers are here.
Yes, sir, can I help you? This the Miss Leeann? You are now looking at The Wright Stuff.
Rick Wright.
I'm the owner.
Uh-huh.
You didn't happen to buy this boat from a Jim Bonig? Uh-huh.
Why? I've got a bill of sale.
No, you've got a problem.
You were had, Captain.
Homer Knowlton, US Marshals Office.
The Miss Leeann is now impounded.
She belongs to the South Seas Travel Service, out of Long Beach.
Bonig rented her for 12 hours.
Forgot to bring her back.
Everybody off the boat.
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry.
Now, girls.
Returning once again to the attributes of paradise, namely, it never goes away.
There's always another shot.
Another shot at that perfect day.
Another shot at my deep sea fishing trip, and this time I wasn't going to let Rick or any of his petty little problems stop me.
T.
C: It's not that bad, Rick.
It's not worth it.
Thomas, am I glad you're here.
Rick just tried to end it all.
No, I didn't.
I slipped.
Great.
I'm going fishing.
No, I'm not kidding, man.
He's in serious trouble.
Sorry, I warned him.
Hey, man, I'm talking about trouble with a capital "T" and that stands for Ice Pick.
I thought they were close.
They were, until Rick lost and 10 grand of his own to Mac.
Mac? Now, how did I don't want to know.
I just want my day on the boat.
No, man, I am serious.
Mac left for San Francisco with the bread and left Rick here for shark bait.
Now, how do you know Mac went to San Francisco? Because I drove him to the airport.
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! No! No! Dumb! Wait a second.
Wait a second.
You want me to go to San Francisco and get Mac back.
Well, actually, he has a little more at stake than I do.
I mean, I didn't make any dumb investments.
Dumb investments? Please, Thomas.
I'm a dead person.
Rick, if you're so busted, how am I gonna get there? I don't have the money.
Okay, I'll spring for airfare.
And expenses? What are friends for? Great, I'll leave tonight, after Goodbye, Mr.
Wong.
See you next time.
On second thought, why don't I just leave right now? You ought to be proud to have a friend like him.
And you too, T.
C.
You guys are the best buddies that a person can have.
I want to thank you.
Of course, it ain't gonna do any good.
I'm gonna die anyway.
Come on, cheer up, Rick.
Could be worse.
How? Rick-san, we are ready.
Rick-san, we are ready.
Ready for what? Go on home.
Rick-san, you are our home.
Ladies, look, the con is over.
Now, beat it.
You are angry.
You wish a massage? I wish you to get lost.
Wait a minute.
I get it.
Mac didn't pay you off, right? Well, forget it, 'cause you're looking at one broke guy, so Pay? Rick-san, you own us.
No pay.
What are they talking about? Bonig-san, old master.
He say we on permanent loan to Rick-san.
Oh, no.
T.
C.
, you got to help me.
I already helped you.
I kicked in for airfare and expenses so that Thomas could get your money back.
Now, I've got to split, go to my job, and try to get some of my money back.
See you.
Wait a minute.
What am I gonna do? Do? T.
C: Oh, do.
I don't know.
But Look, Rick, you can come up with something.
I mean, you take three helpless, naive, misinformed young ladies, who are being mistreated by the cold, cruel world.
Surely, there must be a champion for them somewhere.
Oh, my God! Hi, Higgins.
Want a massage? What are you doing here? Who are these women? Where's Magnum? Magnum? Shh.
Magnum, come out here immediately.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
My sister loves little room that make rain.
Quite.
What the bloody blazes is going on here? Higgins.
Sakiko, Tuzuei, and your friend in the shower is Tamiko.
I have the great pleasure of owning these chicks.
You own them? Mmm-hmm.
I demand to know Magnum's whereabouts.
He went to find Mac, who sold me these here babes.
You see, I thought I was buying a boat, but Mac went to Frisco and Get out of here at once.
Wait a minute, Higgins.
Thomas told me that we could stay here for a few days once you heard the problem.
Problem? Problem? What problem? I just don't have enough room at home for all of my slaves.
I am disgusted and ashamed as a Western man at your lack of moral character.
How dare you, as a civilized man, presume to To own their services? Stop that.
Get out now.
I guess you won't be wanting that massage.
Out.
All right.
But then where, Higgins? Immigration? What about immigration? Exactly what I said.
These girls are illegals.
Which means that they'll be sent back to their former owner.
But if that's the way you want it Tamiko.
When did you say Magnum would be back? He better be back tomorrow or none of it's gonna make any difference.
Well, if there's no chance of them staying here, I guess I'll just have to make room upstairs for them in the club or something.
Well, of course, I can't allow that.
Well, I suppose they can stay here for the time being.
Hopefully, my fluency in Japanese will facilitate a rapid deprogramming.
And then I shall begin their enlightenment as to Western democratic philosophies regarding human rights.
Until Magnum brings back Mac.
Precisely.
It please you that we stay here, Rick-san? Sakiko, you don't have to please me anymore.
Higgins-san is your master now.
They do not have a master.
Sakiko-san Boy, you sure got a way with words.
T.
C.
, I want a shower and something to eat beside lemons.
Plus, I've only had three hours sleep in an airport lounge.
What's wrong with the hotel I got you? The Bridgeside Inn? There's no Bridgeside Inn in San Francisco.
Of course not.
It's in Salinas.
Never mind that.
Sleep is sleep.
Death is forever.
Did you find Mac? - No.
That's it.
I'm in the archives.
Rick, you're not in the archives.
I traced Mac to a podiatrist's office.
He just skipped to Tahoe before I could nab him.
Go to Tahoe.
I guess you better book me a car to Tahoe.
Ultra-luxury, luxury, economy, demi-economy, compact, sub-compact or our cut-rate special? Cut-rate special.
I would have figured you for at least the demi-economy.
Lemon? Got some paying customers coming to the office.
Moonlight in Maui.
See you later.
Bye.
Yeah, bye.
Judging from your telephone conversation, we have something in common.
You see, I, too, have much to discuss with the man you call Mac.
Who are you? What do you want? You have received some stolen goods from James Bonig.
Property of my Uncle Kanki.
Three young ladies.
I don't know what you're talking about.
This is Yakira.
For many years he was a master chef in Tokyo.
At what I believe you call a Japanese steak house? Where are the girls? What makes you think Mac left the broads with me? Well, you see, Mac left us in somewhat of a hurry.
He even forgot his clothes.
Oh, and this.
"Congratulations.
"You have won dinner for two at Honolulu's famed King Kamehameha Club.
"Courtesy of Orville Wright, Manager.
" Stop.
Stop this instant, please.
Leave this room, now.
The rain is falling for you, Higgins-san.
I am ready to wash your back.
- No.
Sakiko, in America, in most all of Western civilization, we have a curious tradition.
We bathe alone.
Then how you wash your back? Sakiko, please.
Take your sisters away and wait for me in the study.
We will begin our lesson shortly.
You are unhappy.
It is a dishonor not to please master.
But I am not your master.
You are your own master and you may do anything you wish.
Do you understand? We understand.
Splendid.
Higgins-san, would you like your breakfast before little room of rain or after? Yes, operator, person to person.
Collect.
Yes, that's right, Theodore Calvin.
Who? Oh, who.
This is Hello, Dad? Yeah, I've been meaning to call you, but I Hi, T.
C.
T.
C: Magnum, where are you? Tahoe.
Did you find Mac? No, I didn't find Mac and I'm afraid Rick has just run out of luck.
He's gonna have to go to Ice Pick and explain.
I mean, I am not going to run around from airport to airport, tracking down leads, renting cars, borrowing phones.
You've got to.
Why? Give me one good reason why.
Because it's more than Ice Pick.
Rick's in real trouble now.
With who, his daughter Hilda? Worse.
Yakuza.
They roughed him up real bad last night looking for the girls.
Is he okay? Yeah, after about three hours in emergency.
But those chumps are gonna try to jack him up again, so you've got to try to find Mac and straighten things out.
Well, Mac did stop here briefly to see a ski instructor, but she said he went to Long Beach.
Long Beach? Say, maybe there really is a lady named Leeann.
You've got to find Mac.
Well, I'll try.
Could you send me some Linda, could you book me a car, Long Beach? Ultra-luxury, luxury, economy, demi-economy, compact, sub-compact or the cut-rate special? I'll have the demi-economy.
You sure? Yeah.
Demi-economy.
Okay.
It's up to you.
Frankly, you could have gotten the same car with the cut-rate special.
Lemon? No man may possess you, and no man has the right to deny you freedom of choice.
This was first guaranteed by the Magna Carta in 1215 and Please, Higgins-san.
Your sisters are not following the English text? Oh, no, they understand words but not the meaning.
If we are free to make our own choices, then why do you say we are not free to serve our master? Sakiko, it rather defeats the purpose of freedom if one freely chooses to be enslaved.
In your free West, it is good to dishonor one's father? Certainly not.
Why do you ask? When we were young, Kanki, great man of Tokyo, saved our father's honor by giving him land and money.
As payment, he take three girl children, be our master.
Good, yes? You happy with the arrangement? It is great honor to serve owner who is Yakuza.
And it is happiness to honor dead father's wishes.
If we now say we are not owned, it is saying that he did wrong.
Your father did do you a disservice, Sakiko.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure he saw no harm in the transaction, but Excuse me.
Zeus, Apollo, stay.
I demand to know what you're doing here.
I was most emphatic in asking you not to My God, what on earth happened? A couple of master chefs tried to stir-fry my fingers.
Yakuza, no doubt.
- How'd you know? Well, they're after the girls, so we thought we better get over here and check things out.
I assure you they'll be quite safe here with me and the lads.
Yeah, well, the guy that Mac stole them from in Tokyo is Yes, Kanki.
Evidently he's very powerful and feared.
That's great.
That is just great.
Thomas goes halfway across the mainland tracing Mac, and by the time he gets back it's not gonna mean anything anyway.
Higgins-san? Please forgive.
We would like to hear more Western freedom lesson, if you would honor us as teacher.
Yes.
Yes, very good, Sakiko.
Go and review your material on the Magna Carta.
T.
C: The Magna Carta? Why are you telling them that stuff, Higgins? Why don't you tell them about the Emancipation Proclamation, the Declaration of Independence? One must begin with the origins of democratic principle.
Those documents are simply ambiguous restatements of the Magna Carta philosophy.
In your opinion.
And my opinion is the only one that matters in this instant.
Now, please go before you bring them down on the very ones you want to protect.
- Go.
- Higgins-san? Please do not be offended.
But if Western freedom such a wonderful thing, then why you get mad at each other about it? T.
C: The Magna Carta.
I bet you he tells them he was there at the signing.
Look, get me downtown, will you? I got to see Ice Pick and I got to see him fast.
Ice Pick? Asian hoods aren't enough for you? Will you cut it out? I told you before, Ice Pick's not a problem.
As a matter of fact, I'm gonna ask him to protect me from the Yakuza.
He will.
I mean a lot to that old guy.
He's a lot like my dad.
Hi.
- Hi.
Donny, right? No, Thomas.
Thomas? Well, that's nice.
Strong.
It's not intimidating.
I like it.
Come in.
I'm looking for Leeann.
Well, you've got her.
You can change up there while I put on your tapes.
What do you use, audio or video? I think you have me confused with someone else.
You mean you're not Donny, the aerobics instructor who's come to work on my legs? No, my name's Thomas.
If you leave quietly, I won't have to call the police.
You don't understand.
I do understand that you came in here trying to impersonate an aerobics instructor.
I'm not impersonating anybody.
I'm a friend of a friend of yours.
Who? Jim Bonig.
I don't know any Jim Bonig.
Neville Thompson? Joe Travis? I'm gonna give you until a count of three.
I call him Mac.
One No, you have to know him, he's about this tall.
two He's got an impish smile.
He said you gave him a boat.
Eddie? Yeah, Eddie! Why didn't you say so? Well, come in.
Sit down.
Yeah, he was just here.
Oh, he was? Uh, do you know where he went? It's very important that I get in touch with him.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was trying to outrun this guy.
You're not gonna believe this.
This guy, this supposed friend of his What did he call him? It was like a gun.
Uh, Derringer or something.
Anyway, poor Eddie brings these three orphan girls over to Hawaii from Japan where he tries to get them adopted.
And this guy I wish I could remember his name.
It wasn't Winchester Magnum.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Why, do you know him? Well, yeah, sort of.
Well, anyway, this creep, Magnum, he tries to get these girls deported.
Just because he's jealous of Eddie.
Jealous of Eddie? Yeah.
Well, it happens all the time.
Anyway, so he had to have the boat to prove that he was this upstanding citizen and was able to take care of these girls until he could get them adopted.
So, you gave it to him.
Yeah.
Well, he paid me almost half of what it was worth.
Anyway, if you want to find him, you'll have to go to Hawaii.
You see, there was this, this other little misunderstanding.
You see, the Marshals have the boat.
Yeah, but I called them and they're gonna hand it over to him.
Hmm.
Hawaii.
Well, wait.
Where are you going? Hawaii.
Does this mean that you're not going to work on my legs? I gotta break both your legs.
Oh, but nice clean breaks.
But you know my boys.
They're experts.
Ice Pick, I told you, Thomas will get your cash back.
Right now, I need your protection.
Right now, you need 25 G's.
I thought we sort of had a father-and-son relationship.
I even took Hilda out.
That's another thing.
She said you got fresh.
Ice Pick, I swear I wasn't.
I wouldn't touch her.
She's a I want the whole thing.
It's an unprotected loan.
You get it by Friday, no problem! You don't Now, wait a minute You wait a minute.
I gave you what you asked for.
You let me down.
Now, that hurts.
Rick, I can't show any favoritism.
It's bad for business.
Don't worry, I'll pick up the hospital bills.
Yeah, well what about my airfare? Where? Where? Home.
I want to go home.
Don't worry.
I'll put it on T.
C.
's card.
What I want to know is, did you find Mac? No.
But I found Leeann.
She's not gonna save me from Ice Pick and the Yakuza.
Maybe she is.
How, how? Look, calm down, Rick.
I think your troubles are over.
My life is over.
No, it's not.
Mac was here.
He saw Leeann.
And he bought the Miss Leeann back from her.
With Ice Pick's and my money.
But don't you see, that means he's coming back for the boat.
See, Leeann called the Marshals' office, she dropped the charges, and then she gave them permission to release the boat to Mac when he gets in.
Well, then that means that Mac's also coming back for the girls.
Hopefully.
Thank God.
I got a shot at living.
I'm gonna kill him.
Bye.
$69.
95 for a demi-economy? Yes, but that includes gas, mileage, a stereo cassette player and a free Julio Iglesias tape.
Yeah, but the other girl said you get the same thing with the cut-rate special.
Oh, but with the cut-rate special you don't get the stereo cassette player and the free Julio Iglesias tape.
Oh.
Don't forget your lemon, sir.
I bet he won't even let us in.
He's got to.
Mac's gotta come here looking for the girls, and when he does, that's when we nab him.
Yeah, but even if you get the boat back, how will you pay Ice Pick by Friday? That's what I'm hoping that Higgins'll let me talk to Robin Masters about.
Dream on.
Quite.
What is going on? How dare Please don't be alarmed, Mr.
Higgins.
We're friends of Rick's.
Nagosho, remember? And, of course, you Yeah, Yakira.
I know.
Higgins, don't reach for the phone.
We're quite positive that our girls hide on this estate.
Please.
Save us the trouble of searching for them.
I have never seen such a craven display of cowardice in my entire life.
He wasn't going to slice and dice your fingers.
What are a few digits compared to one's honor and the safety of three helpless girls? And Mac.
Besides, we don't know for sure that he was taking them to the boat.
Well, anyway, that's probably the first place they're gonna look for them.
Nevertheless What's that? A ringing telephone.
I know that.
They cut the lines.
There are no lines on a cordless.
That's great.
We're in no position to answer it anyway.
No, not us.
Zeus, Apollo, phone! Higgins, Higgins? Yes, Magnum.
Are you back? Well, that's all relative, Higgins.
I'm just half back.
I'm at the airport.
The same airport where Rick and T.
C.
Were supposed to pick me up.
They can't.
They're indisposed.
You might say they're tied up at the moment.
Well, so am I, doing Rick's favors.
Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to do one more.
To make a long story short, Mac and the three girls are probably at this moment at the Miss Leeann.
Good.
They can have it.
And Rick can go get Mac himself.
He would if he could.
You see, Magnum, we're all tied up by those two Yakuza chaps, who at this moment are on their way to the Miss Leeann to kidnap those three homeless waifs.
Magnum, you must go there and stop them.
Well, yeah, but You must.
We'll be there as soon as possible.
As soon as Zeus unties my bonds.
Meanwhile, you must save them.
But, Higgins, I don't have a car, I don't have a gun.
Higgins.
Oh, lemon, sir? Yes.
One of the other attributes of paradise is that it's home.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with San Francisco or Lake Tahoe or Long Beach.
All nice places.
But, after all, there's no place like home.
Except at moments like these.
Long Beach, Tahoe and San Francisco seem a heck of a lot safer.
Sakiko, take your sisters away.
Sakiko, now.
Or you will be punished.
Better do what he says, sweetheart.
I'll be okay.
Magna Carta! Get him, Mac! Right.
Mac! Nice work, girls.
- Thanks.
When Abraham Lincoln sign Magna Carta, he make girl children free.
You tell Kanki we stay here in free West, work on our boat.
Because you, dear chap, are trespassing.
Hey, Thomas, I found him doing the dog paddle down the dock.
Boy, am I glad you guys showed up.
I was just on my way to call the cops.
In the water? Where's my money? Uh, Rick Money? Yeah.
Because of you, my credit card has been strained to the limit.
As is my patience.
Talk, Mac.
Okay, okay.
How dare you sell Rick these poor, defenseless girls? Sell them? Come on.
What kind of a sleaze do you think I am? Is this multiple choice? Guys, guys, guys.
Look, the whole truth of the matter is that I sneaked these girls away from this big Yakuza guy in Tokyo.
I mean, after all, I've known them since they were little kids.
What kind of a life was it gonna be anyway for these girls? I mean, later on, slaves to gangsters How utterly altruistic of you.
Get to the money part.
Well, I wanted to get these girls their freedom.
But, once I found out that Kanki's boys were after me, well, I figured the only safe thing to do would be to leave the girls with you all while I went out and tried to get back the Miss Leeann from Leeann.
With my money.
And Ice Pick's.
Oh, don't remind me.
Figuring that once I did that, the girls would have their job, you could get your investment back, I could make a buck or two and everybody would live happily ever after.
And you didn't tell me you were gonna go into hock to Ice Pick.
That wasn't very bright.
Anyway, now that everything's resolved, she's all yours.
And you can get your money back and pay off Ice Pick.
And me.
And you.
And me.
And you.
And them? Well, they're gonna work on the boat.
I mean, I figure as long as they got jobs, immigration's no problem.
And me, well, I just figured I'd be moseying along.
Mac.
Mac, why? I mean, why did you try to pull something so dangerous? So big? Why? Magnum, I'm glad you asked me that question.
You know, I really don't know why.
Unless it's because, well, maybe I just want to be the kind of guy that sees the opportunity and takes that big risk.
The kind of guy that Hey, Mr.
Wong! How you doing, buddy? Sees his destiny on the horizon, sets his course, and never, ever, ever falls asleep at the helm.
An opportunity you won't be able to pass up.
Now, come on, come on.
Couldn't we make a deal or something?
You have received some stolen goods from James Bonig.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm gonna kill him.
Will you stop that? Hai.
Ice Pick, I told you, Thomas will get your cash back.
I don't have the money.
I gotta break both your legs.
Get him, Mac! Right.
Mac! Just a little lower.
Yeah.
You girls are terrific, you know that? Say, did you ever see the Statue of Liberty or the Washington Monument or the Or the overripe American about to burst? Kanki.
How the hell are you, buddy? Betrayed, hurt, possibly foolish.
You tell me, James.
You know, I really wasn't sure myself whether or not those diamonds were real.
I mean, I'll tell you what.
You're like a dad to me.
Why don't you let me make it up to you? Okay? Not okay.
You have offended my affection for you and my intelligence.
Come on, it was just a slight misjudgment.
How was I supposed to know those diamonds Silence.
The more you talk, the more I grow angry.
No man has ever done such a thing to me and lived.
But you mean a lot to me, James.
Shoot, you know how I feel about you, Kanki.
Say, why don't we just forget this whole silly thing ever happened and have a cup of sake and a good laugh? After I cut off your finger.
It is a great honor.
I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve it, really.
I will return in one hour.
In the meantime, enjoy yourself and think about what it means to betray one who once thought of you as a son.
Sakiko, guess what? What, Bonig-san? I don't know how to exactly tell you this, but Well, instead of money for those diamonds I sold Kanki, he wants to give me you girls instead.
Isn't that something? You mean, you are our new master? Yeah, you got it.
Say, there wouldn't happen to be another door out of here, would there? Good.
A few vital statistics that explain why paradise is called paradise.
There are 326 days of sunshine each year, an annual average temperature of 86 degrees, billions and billions of gallons of blue Pacific and one Orville "Rick" Wright, who will bet on anything.
Hi, Rick.
Don't "Hi, Rick" me, Thomas.
Just get on the boat and enjoy the day.
And remember, anybody asks you, you're a charter member of the club and your last name is Wong.
Wong? Right.
Come on, Rick.
You're not still mad at me, are you? I mean, a bet's a bet.
You've got to be gracious about these things.
Gracious? A 10-point spread on a soccer game? Well, serves me right for betting on a dumb sport where I can't pronounce the names and they play with their feet.
I hope you don't catch nothing.
Hi, guys.
Hi, Mr.
Wong.
Could you hand me down my tackle and my cooler, please? A bet's a bet.
Mac.
Mac.
Mac! I'll be right back! You're history.
You're dead meat! Leave master alone.
Come on, Rick, stop it.
Get away, leave him alone! - Get me out of here! Stop it.
Rick, what a coincidence.
I haven't seen you in Five weeks.
Yeah, I guess that's what they mean by absence making the heart grow fonder.
Fonder? Come on, stop it! Let me go, I'm gonna kill him.
Stop it! You're not still mad about that little Congratulations.
You just won dinner for two at Honolulu's famed King Kamehameha Club, courtesy of Rick Wright.
No, I'm not mad.
Why should I be mad? Cut it out.
Will you stop that? Hai.
Look, I can explain the whole thing.
Mac, come on.
The raffle winners identified your picture.
They said you called yourself Floyd, Orville's brother.
Yeah.
But are you gonna be happy when I tell you the whole thing.
Now, look Happy? Happy? A hundred tickets? Two hundred dinners? Yeah.
I kept the concept small.
Look, I know how exclusive that club is.
Very exclusive, and very scared of bad PR.
I mean, Higgins and the board not only made Rick honor the tickets, they made him pick up the tab.
Three grand.
Gee, that's great! Great, huh? Great? Yeah, 'cause I happen to have sold six grand worth of raffle tickets.
All of which you can write off on your taxes, by the way.
Now, how's that for doubling your money? And the profits from the dinner winner contest went to buy some grateful shut-ins in Long Beach a color television set.
A 13-inch? Six grand for a 13-inch color television set? With a remote control.
Okay, okay, I had some administrative and travel expenses, but I can come up with the receipts.
You just come up with my money.
I can't believe you take that attitude, Rick.
Okay, fine.
Hey, listen, I'll gladly take the deduction and I'll give you back your measly three grand in five days.
Mac.
Now look, just listen to me for a minute, okay? I'm down here today to set sail for Maui, where I'm going to sell that.
Then I'm gonna fly to Frisco, where I'm gonna buy a Japanese restaurant for Sakiko and her sisters.
And I guarantee you there'll be at least three grand change from that.
That boat? - Yep.
- Those girls? - Yep.
Nope.
I'm not gonna stay here and listen to this.
Because none of it's gonna be true.
And all that can happen is trouble.
No.
I'm leaving.
I'm going around that corner and I'm going to spend the day fishing, even if I do have to answer to Wong.
I don't care.
Bye.
Wait! Wait! Bye, Mr.
Wong.
Wait, guys! What a tragedy.
You know, Leeann really loved me.
Maybe too much.
Anyway, for the two years the relationship lasted, it was a beautiful one.
You know, she had oil wells in her back yard, literally.
She bought me a Porsche, she bought me a beach house, this boat.
And I blew it.
How could you blow it? Well, Leanne found me in a compromising situation with another lady.
Couldn't you explain? Well, of course I did.
It was perfectly innocent, really.
I was merely demonstrating a little-known technique for curing the hiccups, and Leeann understood that and everything was fine until she caught me demonstrating that same technique with a blonde in the beach house and a brunette in the Porsche.
Yeah, and these three on the boat.
No, no, no.
These girls are my crew.
Anyway, Leeann gave me the yacht for old times' sake, but cash wins out over sentiment.
So tomorrow I leave Maui with 115 in cash and pay you your three grand back.
Wait a minute.
You gotta be kidding.
Mac, this is worth twice that much.
Not to me.
I don't like boats.
I'd rather have a restaurant.
Mac, you don't have to give it away.
I mean, with a setup like this, you can go into business and make twice as much as a Japanese restaurant.
What kind of a business? Well, I guess it's a dumb idea.
You mean, like a charter boat? You mean rent it out to fishermen, like the King Kamehameha II? Rick, you're dreaming.
This tug's way out of your league.
I mean, unreal upkeep.
You got maintenance, you got supplies, docking fees, these girls' salaries.
The girls get big money? Well, relatively speaking, they work pretty cheap, but see, Leeann signed them to an ironclad one-year contract, and whoever buys the boat has to honor it.
I'll take them.
I mean, it.
$150,000, Rick, I'm not making offers here.
The boat's sold.
Hey, the deal isn't sewed up yet.
You still owe me three grand, remember.
Well, then, give me Thank you, sweetheart.
Look.
Rick, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but it just won't work.
I mean, you and me, well, we're just not the right types for this kind of life.
You know what I mean? Why not? Well, let me put it to you this way.
On the one hand, you have the kind of business mind that sees an opportunity and takes the big risk.
But he has that knack for seeing his destiny on the horizon, setting his course, never ever falling asleep at the helm.
You and me, we just like to sleep too much.
No.
I'm I am that kind of guy.
I just never had the chance to prove it.
Okay.
Okay, Rick.
Okay.
Now, I'm going to need 30 grand down on this restaurant.
Can you come up with 30 and $1,500 a month? I'll talk to the bank, Monday.
Monday.
See, Monday.
Monday.
See, you lose your financing and I lose the Maui deal and the boat.
No, why don't we just forget it.
I can see you're just way over your head.
No.
I'll have the money tomorrow.
I just have to talk to a couple of investors.
Investors? Magnum's not going to put any money in this boat.
Not after the way he walked off.
I'm not talking about Thomas.
Well, who then? Why me? And more to the point, why you? You don't even like water.
I like money.
Everybody does.
It's more to it than that, Ice Pick.
It's like I'm seizing my opportunity.
It's like taking the big risk.
You know, it's like I see my destiny on the horizon.
And I never, never want to fall asleep at the helm.
Norman Vincent Peale? Oh, Dale Carnegie? I don't know those guys.
I want to go into business with you.
Twenty grand.
I'll give you a quarter interest.
Not me.
A third? No investment.
But I'll make you a straight simple interest loan.
$20,000 at 25%.
Okay.
First payment, next Friday.
And you got to start dating my daughter Hilda again.
Anything.
Ricky.
You know, I love you like a son.
I'd hate to have to punish you.
T.
C: Ice Pick.
Ice Pick? You let yourself get in hock to Ice Pick? T.
C.
, can't you see that I'm busy trying to open for business? Business? What business? There's no one here.
Well, there will be.
Mac and I closed the deal late last night, and I just got here.
And you know, it's too bad that you didn't have the foresight to get in on the action.
Well, I guess that's the story of my life.
Not enough foresight.
Go ahead, make fun.
But when the word gets out, I'm gonna be fighting them off.
Well, looks like word got out.
Oh.
Girls.
Girls, pop open a bottle of champagne.
Our first customers are here.
Yes, sir, can I help you? This the Miss Leeann? You are now looking at The Wright Stuff.
Rick Wright.
I'm the owner.
Uh-huh.
You didn't happen to buy this boat from a Jim Bonig? Uh-huh.
Why? I've got a bill of sale.
No, you've got a problem.
You were had, Captain.
Homer Knowlton, US Marshals Office.
The Miss Leeann is now impounded.
She belongs to the South Seas Travel Service, out of Long Beach.
Bonig rented her for 12 hours.
Forgot to bring her back.
Everybody off the boat.
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry.
Now, girls.
Returning once again to the attributes of paradise, namely, it never goes away.
There's always another shot.
Another shot at that perfect day.
Another shot at my deep sea fishing trip, and this time I wasn't going to let Rick or any of his petty little problems stop me.
T.
C: It's not that bad, Rick.
It's not worth it.
Thomas, am I glad you're here.
Rick just tried to end it all.
No, I didn't.
I slipped.
Great.
I'm going fishing.
No, I'm not kidding, man.
He's in serious trouble.
Sorry, I warned him.
Hey, man, I'm talking about trouble with a capital "T" and that stands for Ice Pick.
I thought they were close.
They were, until Rick lost and 10 grand of his own to Mac.
Mac? Now, how did I don't want to know.
I just want my day on the boat.
No, man, I am serious.
Mac left for San Francisco with the bread and left Rick here for shark bait.
Now, how do you know Mac went to San Francisco? Because I drove him to the airport.
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! No! No! Dumb! Wait a second.
Wait a second.
You want me to go to San Francisco and get Mac back.
Well, actually, he has a little more at stake than I do.
I mean, I didn't make any dumb investments.
Dumb investments? Please, Thomas.
I'm a dead person.
Rick, if you're so busted, how am I gonna get there? I don't have the money.
Okay, I'll spring for airfare.
And expenses? What are friends for? Great, I'll leave tonight, after Goodbye, Mr.
Wong.
See you next time.
On second thought, why don't I just leave right now? You ought to be proud to have a friend like him.
And you too, T.
C.
You guys are the best buddies that a person can have.
I want to thank you.
Of course, it ain't gonna do any good.
I'm gonna die anyway.
Come on, cheer up, Rick.
Could be worse.
How? Rick-san, we are ready.
Rick-san, we are ready.
Ready for what? Go on home.
Rick-san, you are our home.
Ladies, look, the con is over.
Now, beat it.
You are angry.
You wish a massage? I wish you to get lost.
Wait a minute.
I get it.
Mac didn't pay you off, right? Well, forget it, 'cause you're looking at one broke guy, so Pay? Rick-san, you own us.
No pay.
What are they talking about? Bonig-san, old master.
He say we on permanent loan to Rick-san.
Oh, no.
T.
C.
, you got to help me.
I already helped you.
I kicked in for airfare and expenses so that Thomas could get your money back.
Now, I've got to split, go to my job, and try to get some of my money back.
See you.
Wait a minute.
What am I gonna do? Do? T.
C: Oh, do.
I don't know.
But Look, Rick, you can come up with something.
I mean, you take three helpless, naive, misinformed young ladies, who are being mistreated by the cold, cruel world.
Surely, there must be a champion for them somewhere.
Oh, my God! Hi, Higgins.
Want a massage? What are you doing here? Who are these women? Where's Magnum? Magnum? Shh.
Magnum, come out here immediately.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
My sister loves little room that make rain.
Quite.
What the bloody blazes is going on here? Higgins.
Sakiko, Tuzuei, and your friend in the shower is Tamiko.
I have the great pleasure of owning these chicks.
You own them? Mmm-hmm.
I demand to know Magnum's whereabouts.
He went to find Mac, who sold me these here babes.
You see, I thought I was buying a boat, but Mac went to Frisco and Get out of here at once.
Wait a minute, Higgins.
Thomas told me that we could stay here for a few days once you heard the problem.
Problem? Problem? What problem? I just don't have enough room at home for all of my slaves.
I am disgusted and ashamed as a Western man at your lack of moral character.
How dare you, as a civilized man, presume to To own their services? Stop that.
Get out now.
I guess you won't be wanting that massage.
Out.
All right.
But then where, Higgins? Immigration? What about immigration? Exactly what I said.
These girls are illegals.
Which means that they'll be sent back to their former owner.
But if that's the way you want it Tamiko.
When did you say Magnum would be back? He better be back tomorrow or none of it's gonna make any difference.
Well, if there's no chance of them staying here, I guess I'll just have to make room upstairs for them in the club or something.
Well, of course, I can't allow that.
Well, I suppose they can stay here for the time being.
Hopefully, my fluency in Japanese will facilitate a rapid deprogramming.
And then I shall begin their enlightenment as to Western democratic philosophies regarding human rights.
Until Magnum brings back Mac.
Precisely.
It please you that we stay here, Rick-san? Sakiko, you don't have to please me anymore.
Higgins-san is your master now.
They do not have a master.
Sakiko-san Boy, you sure got a way with words.
T.
C.
, I want a shower and something to eat beside lemons.
Plus, I've only had three hours sleep in an airport lounge.
What's wrong with the hotel I got you? The Bridgeside Inn? There's no Bridgeside Inn in San Francisco.
Of course not.
It's in Salinas.
Never mind that.
Sleep is sleep.
Death is forever.
Did you find Mac? - No.
That's it.
I'm in the archives.
Rick, you're not in the archives.
I traced Mac to a podiatrist's office.
He just skipped to Tahoe before I could nab him.
Go to Tahoe.
I guess you better book me a car to Tahoe.
Ultra-luxury, luxury, economy, demi-economy, compact, sub-compact or our cut-rate special? Cut-rate special.
I would have figured you for at least the demi-economy.
Lemon? Got some paying customers coming to the office.
Moonlight in Maui.
See you later.
Bye.
Yeah, bye.
Judging from your telephone conversation, we have something in common.
You see, I, too, have much to discuss with the man you call Mac.
Who are you? What do you want? You have received some stolen goods from James Bonig.
Property of my Uncle Kanki.
Three young ladies.
I don't know what you're talking about.
This is Yakira.
For many years he was a master chef in Tokyo.
At what I believe you call a Japanese steak house? Where are the girls? What makes you think Mac left the broads with me? Well, you see, Mac left us in somewhat of a hurry.
He even forgot his clothes.
Oh, and this.
"Congratulations.
"You have won dinner for two at Honolulu's famed King Kamehameha Club.
"Courtesy of Orville Wright, Manager.
" Stop.
Stop this instant, please.
Leave this room, now.
The rain is falling for you, Higgins-san.
I am ready to wash your back.
- No.
Sakiko, in America, in most all of Western civilization, we have a curious tradition.
We bathe alone.
Then how you wash your back? Sakiko, please.
Take your sisters away and wait for me in the study.
We will begin our lesson shortly.
You are unhappy.
It is a dishonor not to please master.
But I am not your master.
You are your own master and you may do anything you wish.
Do you understand? We understand.
Splendid.
Higgins-san, would you like your breakfast before little room of rain or after? Yes, operator, person to person.
Collect.
Yes, that's right, Theodore Calvin.
Who? Oh, who.
This is Hello, Dad? Yeah, I've been meaning to call you, but I Hi, T.
C.
T.
C: Magnum, where are you? Tahoe.
Did you find Mac? No, I didn't find Mac and I'm afraid Rick has just run out of luck.
He's gonna have to go to Ice Pick and explain.
I mean, I am not going to run around from airport to airport, tracking down leads, renting cars, borrowing phones.
You've got to.
Why? Give me one good reason why.
Because it's more than Ice Pick.
Rick's in real trouble now.
With who, his daughter Hilda? Worse.
Yakuza.
They roughed him up real bad last night looking for the girls.
Is he okay? Yeah, after about three hours in emergency.
But those chumps are gonna try to jack him up again, so you've got to try to find Mac and straighten things out.
Well, Mac did stop here briefly to see a ski instructor, but she said he went to Long Beach.
Long Beach? Say, maybe there really is a lady named Leeann.
You've got to find Mac.
Well, I'll try.
Could you send me some Linda, could you book me a car, Long Beach? Ultra-luxury, luxury, economy, demi-economy, compact, sub-compact or the cut-rate special? I'll have the demi-economy.
You sure? Yeah.
Demi-economy.
Okay.
It's up to you.
Frankly, you could have gotten the same car with the cut-rate special.
Lemon? No man may possess you, and no man has the right to deny you freedom of choice.
This was first guaranteed by the Magna Carta in 1215 and Please, Higgins-san.
Your sisters are not following the English text? Oh, no, they understand words but not the meaning.
If we are free to make our own choices, then why do you say we are not free to serve our master? Sakiko, it rather defeats the purpose of freedom if one freely chooses to be enslaved.
In your free West, it is good to dishonor one's father? Certainly not.
Why do you ask? When we were young, Kanki, great man of Tokyo, saved our father's honor by giving him land and money.
As payment, he take three girl children, be our master.
Good, yes? You happy with the arrangement? It is great honor to serve owner who is Yakuza.
And it is happiness to honor dead father's wishes.
If we now say we are not owned, it is saying that he did wrong.
Your father did do you a disservice, Sakiko.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure he saw no harm in the transaction, but Excuse me.
Zeus, Apollo, stay.
I demand to know what you're doing here.
I was most emphatic in asking you not to My God, what on earth happened? A couple of master chefs tried to stir-fry my fingers.
Yakuza, no doubt.
- How'd you know? Well, they're after the girls, so we thought we better get over here and check things out.
I assure you they'll be quite safe here with me and the lads.
Yeah, well, the guy that Mac stole them from in Tokyo is Yes, Kanki.
Evidently he's very powerful and feared.
That's great.
That is just great.
Thomas goes halfway across the mainland tracing Mac, and by the time he gets back it's not gonna mean anything anyway.
Higgins-san? Please forgive.
We would like to hear more Western freedom lesson, if you would honor us as teacher.
Yes.
Yes, very good, Sakiko.
Go and review your material on the Magna Carta.
T.
C: The Magna Carta? Why are you telling them that stuff, Higgins? Why don't you tell them about the Emancipation Proclamation, the Declaration of Independence? One must begin with the origins of democratic principle.
Those documents are simply ambiguous restatements of the Magna Carta philosophy.
In your opinion.
And my opinion is the only one that matters in this instant.
Now, please go before you bring them down on the very ones you want to protect.
- Go.
- Higgins-san? Please do not be offended.
But if Western freedom such a wonderful thing, then why you get mad at each other about it? T.
C: The Magna Carta.
I bet you he tells them he was there at the signing.
Look, get me downtown, will you? I got to see Ice Pick and I got to see him fast.
Ice Pick? Asian hoods aren't enough for you? Will you cut it out? I told you before, Ice Pick's not a problem.
As a matter of fact, I'm gonna ask him to protect me from the Yakuza.
He will.
I mean a lot to that old guy.
He's a lot like my dad.
Hi.
- Hi.
Donny, right? No, Thomas.
Thomas? Well, that's nice.
Strong.
It's not intimidating.
I like it.
Come in.
I'm looking for Leeann.
Well, you've got her.
You can change up there while I put on your tapes.
What do you use, audio or video? I think you have me confused with someone else.
You mean you're not Donny, the aerobics instructor who's come to work on my legs? No, my name's Thomas.
If you leave quietly, I won't have to call the police.
You don't understand.
I do understand that you came in here trying to impersonate an aerobics instructor.
I'm not impersonating anybody.
I'm a friend of a friend of yours.
Who? Jim Bonig.
I don't know any Jim Bonig.
Neville Thompson? Joe Travis? I'm gonna give you until a count of three.
I call him Mac.
One No, you have to know him, he's about this tall.
two He's got an impish smile.
He said you gave him a boat.
Eddie? Yeah, Eddie! Why didn't you say so? Well, come in.
Sit down.
Yeah, he was just here.
Oh, he was? Uh, do you know where he went? It's very important that I get in touch with him.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was trying to outrun this guy.
You're not gonna believe this.
This guy, this supposed friend of his What did he call him? It was like a gun.
Uh, Derringer or something.
Anyway, poor Eddie brings these three orphan girls over to Hawaii from Japan where he tries to get them adopted.
And this guy I wish I could remember his name.
It wasn't Winchester Magnum.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Why, do you know him? Well, yeah, sort of.
Well, anyway, this creep, Magnum, he tries to get these girls deported.
Just because he's jealous of Eddie.
Jealous of Eddie? Yeah.
Well, it happens all the time.
Anyway, so he had to have the boat to prove that he was this upstanding citizen and was able to take care of these girls until he could get them adopted.
So, you gave it to him.
Yeah.
Well, he paid me almost half of what it was worth.
Anyway, if you want to find him, you'll have to go to Hawaii.
You see, there was this, this other little misunderstanding.
You see, the Marshals have the boat.
Yeah, but I called them and they're gonna hand it over to him.
Hmm.
Hawaii.
Well, wait.
Where are you going? Hawaii.
Does this mean that you're not going to work on my legs? I gotta break both your legs.
Oh, but nice clean breaks.
But you know my boys.
They're experts.
Ice Pick, I told you, Thomas will get your cash back.
Right now, I need your protection.
Right now, you need 25 G's.
I thought we sort of had a father-and-son relationship.
I even took Hilda out.
That's another thing.
She said you got fresh.
Ice Pick, I swear I wasn't.
I wouldn't touch her.
She's a I want the whole thing.
It's an unprotected loan.
You get it by Friday, no problem! You don't Now, wait a minute You wait a minute.
I gave you what you asked for.
You let me down.
Now, that hurts.
Rick, I can't show any favoritism.
It's bad for business.
Don't worry, I'll pick up the hospital bills.
Yeah, well what about my airfare? Where? Where? Home.
I want to go home.
Don't worry.
I'll put it on T.
C.
's card.
What I want to know is, did you find Mac? No.
But I found Leeann.
She's not gonna save me from Ice Pick and the Yakuza.
Maybe she is.
How, how? Look, calm down, Rick.
I think your troubles are over.
My life is over.
No, it's not.
Mac was here.
He saw Leeann.
And he bought the Miss Leeann back from her.
With Ice Pick's and my money.
But don't you see, that means he's coming back for the boat.
See, Leeann called the Marshals' office, she dropped the charges, and then she gave them permission to release the boat to Mac when he gets in.
Well, then that means that Mac's also coming back for the girls.
Hopefully.
Thank God.
I got a shot at living.
I'm gonna kill him.
Bye.
$69.
95 for a demi-economy? Yes, but that includes gas, mileage, a stereo cassette player and a free Julio Iglesias tape.
Yeah, but the other girl said you get the same thing with the cut-rate special.
Oh, but with the cut-rate special you don't get the stereo cassette player and the free Julio Iglesias tape.
Oh.
Don't forget your lemon, sir.
I bet he won't even let us in.
He's got to.
Mac's gotta come here looking for the girls, and when he does, that's when we nab him.
Yeah, but even if you get the boat back, how will you pay Ice Pick by Friday? That's what I'm hoping that Higgins'll let me talk to Robin Masters about.
Dream on.
Quite.
What is going on? How dare Please don't be alarmed, Mr.
Higgins.
We're friends of Rick's.
Nagosho, remember? And, of course, you Yeah, Yakira.
I know.
Higgins, don't reach for the phone.
We're quite positive that our girls hide on this estate.
Please.
Save us the trouble of searching for them.
I have never seen such a craven display of cowardice in my entire life.
He wasn't going to slice and dice your fingers.
What are a few digits compared to one's honor and the safety of three helpless girls? And Mac.
Besides, we don't know for sure that he was taking them to the boat.
Well, anyway, that's probably the first place they're gonna look for them.
Nevertheless What's that? A ringing telephone.
I know that.
They cut the lines.
There are no lines on a cordless.
That's great.
We're in no position to answer it anyway.
No, not us.
Zeus, Apollo, phone! Higgins, Higgins? Yes, Magnum.
Are you back? Well, that's all relative, Higgins.
I'm just half back.
I'm at the airport.
The same airport where Rick and T.
C.
Were supposed to pick me up.
They can't.
They're indisposed.
You might say they're tied up at the moment.
Well, so am I, doing Rick's favors.
Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to do one more.
To make a long story short, Mac and the three girls are probably at this moment at the Miss Leeann.
Good.
They can have it.
And Rick can go get Mac himself.
He would if he could.
You see, Magnum, we're all tied up by those two Yakuza chaps, who at this moment are on their way to the Miss Leeann to kidnap those three homeless waifs.
Magnum, you must go there and stop them.
Well, yeah, but You must.
We'll be there as soon as possible.
As soon as Zeus unties my bonds.
Meanwhile, you must save them.
But, Higgins, I don't have a car, I don't have a gun.
Higgins.
Oh, lemon, sir? Yes.
One of the other attributes of paradise is that it's home.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with San Francisco or Lake Tahoe or Long Beach.
All nice places.
But, after all, there's no place like home.
Except at moments like these.
Long Beach, Tahoe and San Francisco seem a heck of a lot safer.
Sakiko, take your sisters away.
Sakiko, now.
Or you will be punished.
Better do what he says, sweetheart.
I'll be okay.
Magna Carta! Get him, Mac! Right.
Mac! Nice work, girls.
- Thanks.
When Abraham Lincoln sign Magna Carta, he make girl children free.
You tell Kanki we stay here in free West, work on our boat.
Because you, dear chap, are trespassing.
Hey, Thomas, I found him doing the dog paddle down the dock.
Boy, am I glad you guys showed up.
I was just on my way to call the cops.
In the water? Where's my money? Uh, Rick Money? Yeah.
Because of you, my credit card has been strained to the limit.
As is my patience.
Talk, Mac.
Okay, okay.
How dare you sell Rick these poor, defenseless girls? Sell them? Come on.
What kind of a sleaze do you think I am? Is this multiple choice? Guys, guys, guys.
Look, the whole truth of the matter is that I sneaked these girls away from this big Yakuza guy in Tokyo.
I mean, after all, I've known them since they were little kids.
What kind of a life was it gonna be anyway for these girls? I mean, later on, slaves to gangsters How utterly altruistic of you.
Get to the money part.
Well, I wanted to get these girls their freedom.
But, once I found out that Kanki's boys were after me, well, I figured the only safe thing to do would be to leave the girls with you all while I went out and tried to get back the Miss Leeann from Leeann.
With my money.
And Ice Pick's.
Oh, don't remind me.
Figuring that once I did that, the girls would have their job, you could get your investment back, I could make a buck or two and everybody would live happily ever after.
And you didn't tell me you were gonna go into hock to Ice Pick.
That wasn't very bright.
Anyway, now that everything's resolved, she's all yours.
And you can get your money back and pay off Ice Pick.
And me.
And you.
And me.
And you.
And them? Well, they're gonna work on the boat.
I mean, I figure as long as they got jobs, immigration's no problem.
And me, well, I just figured I'd be moseying along.
Mac.
Mac, why? I mean, why did you try to pull something so dangerous? So big? Why? Magnum, I'm glad you asked me that question.
You know, I really don't know why.
Unless it's because, well, maybe I just want to be the kind of guy that sees the opportunity and takes that big risk.
The kind of guy that Hey, Mr.
Wong! How you doing, buddy? Sees his destiny on the horizon, sets his course, and never, ever, ever falls asleep at the helm.
An opportunity you won't be able to pass up.
Now, come on, come on.
Couldn't we make a deal or something?