Nashville s05e17 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Nashville" The smiles, the touching, I saw it all.
You think I'm an idiot? I'm not an idiot.
Brand partnerships.
The best kind of integration is entirely frictionless.
Budweiser wants to work with me? Damien wants something, Damien gets it.
He's one charming guy.
He's the father, isn't he? Excuse me? Scarlett O'Connor revealed that Gunnar Scott is not the father of her baby to be.
How could you tell her Scarlett? I didn't tell her.
She figured it out anyway.
Oh, I'm so hungry I could eat a dozen biscuits.
- I'd like to see that.
- Ha ha, yeah.
Oh, you don't think I could? - Uh-uh.
- No way.
Well, sounds like we got us a bet here.
- DAPHNE: Bet! - Yeah, biscuit bet.
- Deacon? - DEACON: It's on.
Diane Harrison.
I haven't seen you around this neighborhood in so long.
I am so sorry about everything.
It's so good to see you out and about with your girls.
We come here pretty often.
It's so important to get back in the swing of things after - You have my number, right? - Uh I was planning on dropping something by the house soon anyway, I've just been so busy.
- Oh, you girls are so beautiful.
- Thanks.
Just like your mama.
Well, I will be seeing you soon.
- All right.
- Who was that? Another woman interested in Dad.
Please tell me you're not interested in her.
You two are the only girls in my life, believe me.
Hi, there.
Hey, Scarlett.
How are you? Oh, hanging in there or pretending to hang in there.
Zach told me you were the one to fix all this.
Well, I am going to try.
Actually, you must feel awful.
Well, my fans hate me.
Well, like literally hate me.
They don't hate you, okay? They had a fantasy about you.
And they were shocked to find out that you're a real person.
How dare you! Well, I don't know how they had a fantasy about me in the first place, but Well, that's celebrity culture, you know.
People, they are lonely.
And they think their lives are worthless.
So they project all of their wishes and dreams on the people who they think have everything.
You know, it's that damn Mackenzie Rhodes.
I mean, how could somebody do that? Pretend to be your friend.
And then turn around and write something so personal like that about you? You need to steer clear of Mackenzie Rhodes, okay? 'Cause this is what she does.
She worms her way into your confidence.
And then finds a way to use it against you.
If I had been here, I would not have let you do that interview.
What do we do now? Well, we change the narrative, you know.
She tore you down.
We're gonna build you up.
Okay.
How? Are there any causes that you care deeply about? Yeah, you know, when I first moved to town, the only place I could afford to get a pap smear was Two Rivers Women's Health Clinic.
A lot of my friends are the same there's really only the last year and a half I've been afford to health insurance.
And most of my friends still can't, and I just I really admire what they do for people in need.
- Well, you go, girl.
- (laughs) No, I mean, would you want to do a benefit for them? - Yeah, that would be amazing.
- All right, but for now, I think that we need to reach out directly to your fans.
- Okay.
- I was at your last show.
And I saw you with those young girls you were amazing.
That's the Scarlett we need to put out there, okay? We do a surprise performance with a meet and greet after.
Blast it out only on social media, no press.
Just for the people that love you.
Thank you so much.
So your truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
You trudge down a deserted two-lane blacktop.
And you come to a town.
You're thirsty and you come to a saloon.
Which is filled with some of the meanest-looking characters you ever saw.
And they don't like you.
What's gonna happen? Then the meanest-looking guy in the bar takes a bottle of Bud, and slides it all the way down to you while all the mean guys watch.
What's Will Lexington gonna do? You're gonna pick up that bottle, and take the longest guzzle.
And the other guys are gonna start to smile and laugh.
And smack each other on the back.
And they've decided right there: We like Will Lexington! Our research shows that straight men like you, they want to have a beer with you.
And both straight and gay women think you're definitely hot.
Well, thank you.
That's good to know.
The man in black comes to town, and he's Will Lexington.
Country star, openly gay, and no big deal about it.
Pretty great message of inclusiveness, I'd say.
- Yeah.
- I'd say too.
Thank you.
Oh, Deacon, - you mind coming in here for a sec? - JESSIE: Hey! - Yeah.
- I understand you know Jessie Caine? - Yeah, for a long time.
- Nice to see you.
We actually played The Bluebird not too long ago.
Oh, okay, well, I saw her at the Mercy Lounge, and I asked her to come in.
Well, great.
Yeah, I thought she might be an interesting addition to Highway 65.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we should talk about that.
We're talking about it right now.
All right.
Excellent.
I was actually heading on over to watch Juliette record.
So I got to go right now, but it was great seeing you.
You too, yeah.
Well, you mind if I walk with you for a sec? - Oh, sure, yeah.
- Great.
So the story I heard was she was married to Brad Maitland.
She had an affair and he kicked her out.
Yeah, something like that.
I know it was ugly.
Wasn't there this whole thing too about a breakdown? And she abandoned her kid or something? Zach, I usually don't listen to that crap.
- Because it usually is.
- Right, well I thought her songs were boring back in the day.
But they are certainly not boring now.
Dark little stories coming from that sweet blonde face.
You want to sign her then? I'm thinking about it, yeah.
But you think it's a bad idea? No, I'd just like to hear some of the new music, that's all.
All right, well, I think you should meet with her too.
Why do I need to meet with her? Because I got a feeling about her.
And call it blasphemy, but I think only 43% of success is talent.
The rest is just how you feel when you watch the person.
And you're sure about that number? It's not like 44 or 90? I'll crunch some numbers and get back to you.
But just, hey, meet with her, okay? Unless you don't want to.
No.
I'm happy to meet with her.
- 82% happy.
- (chuckles) I'll take those numbers.
Hey, Jakob.
Will, I'd like you to meet Jakob Fine.
- Oh, we've met.
- Yeah, we have.
- How are you? - Very excited.
We're creating an American icon today.
(laughs) Take that off.
So the obvious inspiration for this is Johnny Cash, the original Man in Black.
But we've made some subtle variations.
We love Johnny Cash.
You ever listen to the Folsom album? No, not exactly.
Oh, then don't talk to me about Johnny Cash.
I knew him.
He was an amazing human being.
Okay, everybody out! Looks good on you.
And you seem confident enough to wear it.
What are you doing tonight? (laughs) Come on.
I have a new boyfriend.
Oh, I know all about your new boyfriend.
Who do you think set up this gig? And he's flying up later to host a dinner for you.
Very romantic.
Were you two friends? Interesting term, friends.
- Look, I don't get what's happening here.
- (laughs) What's so funny? Well, cowboy, I assume since you're with Zach now You assumed what? Who knows? Maybe he's changed.
From what? A boy who's got 2 billion dollars, and decided he could buy whatever he wanted.
(music playing) And I'll get to you The quickest I can One if by sea Two if by land No wandering this time I'd draw a straight line As the crow flies As the crow flies (cheers and applause) - Thank you guys.
Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
(giggles) There you go.
I'll see you next time.
Thank you.
Hey, I remember you.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I do.
I signed your cast.
You got a real pretty name.
Nadine, right? Yeah.
Must be something about you, because I'm terrible with names.
Why did you have to do it? You and Gunnar were so perfect? Oh, sweetheart, no.
Oh, nobody's perfect.
I loved you.
Okay, Nadine, whatever you think I did, it's not what happened.
Why do you care so much anyway, really? Because I had your entire life figured out.
You had my entire life figured out? Yeah.
You and Gunnar and the baby you were gonna name Rayna.
And the pit bull mix you were gonna save from the shelter because you love animals so much.
That sounds really beautiful.
And you guys were so nice to each other.
And you you loved each other.
- We still love each other.
- No.
No, you don't.
You're a liar just like everybody else.
Okay, Nadine.
I'm sorry.
I'm not a liar.
And this life is complicated for everybody.
- You can't just call somebody that - No.
You know what? You're a cheater.
And you ruined everything.
- Oh, hey.
- Sorry.
Did you wait long? Oh, no.
I'm always early.
Want to get something? Uh, no, thank you.
So, listen.
I just want to say that I feel really bad about this.
I saw that Zach just sprang this on you.
Don't even worry.
You know we spend half our day talking about whether we're gonna sign someone or not.
- Anyway, getting to it, - Mm-hm.
other than The Bluebird, the other night - which was great - Thank you.
I haven't heard much of the new stuff, so I do have some new music that I can send you.
- All right.
- My guess is that you're gonna find it too uh, raw and personal.
Why would you think that? Because I do.
Well, you know, like they say, the victor gets to write history.
Well, that history's gossip, and I don't listen to it.
Well, how very gallant of you.
Untrue, but gallant.
Isn't it scary when the whole world says you're one thing, and you know you're not.
In my case, I had to admit that the world was partly right.
The world was partly right in my case too.
But it wasn't about running off with Robby White, and becoming a "scarlet woman.
" No, my mistake was being a coward, and staying in a marriage that I knew was irretrievably dead.
Seriously, he made your son cry on purpose? All the time.
It's heartbreaking.
He's just a a really angry guy.
And, you know, he's got a new life now.
So he's happy.
Yeah, well, he married his assistant or something? - My assistant - Oh.
and best friend.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, looking back, it was so clear.
But I stayed, you know.
So I guess I was a coward.
But I will be damned if that ever happens to me again.
Oh, damn it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have asked.
Aw, damn it.
It just It still happens sometimes.
I obviously never thought I'd be that lucky, that you know, after all those years of screwing up Damn it.
I hope this doesn't sound terrible because of all you've been through, but, um I envy you.
Not terrible.
So much of it was so hard.
But in the end, I wouldn't trade any of it.
Not for the world.
We certainly have gone far afield here, haven't we? Right? We have covered a lot of ground.
Yeah, and it's 5:00.
Oh, my God, you're kidding me.
I'm sorry.
I have to pick up my daughter.
No, no.
I got to go too.
Well, listen, I really appreciate this, Deacon.
Thank you for meeting me.
It was really nice.
It was a pleasure.
Send me the new stuff.
- Yes! Will do.
- All right.
Thank you.
- (Cadence laughs) - You hold it.
JULIETTE: I'm gonna be at the studio late tonight, so I can all Emily and have her watch after Cadence.
That's fine.
I'll be here.
Thought you were working with Hallie.
Found her another producer.
What? Don't say what.
Wait a minute.
Wait, because of me? Are you seriously asking that? I voiced my opinion.
You can make your own choices.
You didn't voice your opinion.
You went insane.
You made utterly paranoid accusations of both of us.
If you already made that decision, then you must have agreed with something I said.
No, Juliette.
I made that decision because things can only go one way with you.
Your way.
Now if anyone tries to go another way, then God help them.
Am I supposed to agree with what you say just because you say it? No, you are supposed to imagine at least once in your life that you might actually be wrong.
Have a good day in the studio.
Right.
I'm gonna have to call you back, Bill.
Scarlett, what brings you here? Are you seriously asking me that? Yes.
I came here to tell you to your face that you are a manipulative liar.
- Did I write something that was untrue? - Yes, you did.
- It's not really the point though, is it? - Well, actually, if you want to read the transcript, what I said was the interview topic was being left behind.
You never said anything was off the record.
Well, then why didn't you tell everybody that you were the one who actually had the affair with Damien and got all messed up over it? Because I wasn't the subject of the interview, was I? Right, so you take no responsibility whatsoever.
Are you feeling bad? No.
For all the girls who used to look up to me because they needed something in their life.
Well, it's just time for them to realize that not everybody's perfect.
I never said I was.
The problem is, your article made it seem like I had something to be ashamed of.
And girls have enough shame heaped onto them every day without somebody in your position making it so much worse.
I don't know what kind of world you live in.
I'm sure it's a really nice one, and I'm sorry if I rocked it.
But this has nothing to do with shame.
In my world, if there's a scoop, I publish it.
Or I'm not doing my job.
I feel sorry for you.
I really do.
Hey! Wow.
You look great.
New York agrees with you, huh? I got you a raincoat.
Well, actually, I got you three raincoats in three different colors, so you have options.
(chuckles) That's great.
Okay.
You seem officially weird.
I need to ask you something.
Okay, but you do know people are coming, right? Who else is there? You mean who else will be here? Are you seeing other guys? What? No.
What would give you that idea? Just, something Jakob said.
What, Jakob? (laughs) That venomous dinosaur.
And you believed him? I don't know.
You don't exactly make it easy with all the traveling and the texting.
Well, I run seven businesses, Will.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
- Well, go ahead.
Go ahead and read my texts.
They are very sexy.
- I don't need to read - Here.
Let's see.
Quarterly shipments from China are down this month.
Oh, my God! Here's the smoking gun! A final inspection for the solar plant in Nevada has been scheduled.
- I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.
- Okay.
I get it, I get it.
There's also a message from my periodontist.
Shut up.
Will there's only you.
Hi! Welcome, everybody! Good to see you all.
- Oh, hey.
My girls.
- Hey.
- How y'all doing today? - We're starving.
Well, you should probably fix yourself something, huh? We don't want to make something.
We want something already made, like, by you! Oh, yeah? Well, all right.
I'll be happy to make you something.
Happy to hear y'all complain about it.
- What's that? - Oh, my God! That crazy woman dropped that off.
- What crazy woman? - Diane whats-her-name.
- Diane Harrison came by the house? - Right here.
Oh, just visiting Sandy next door.
And I had a pot pie that I made, and I thought, oh, Deacon must be in need of a home-cooked meal.
- She did not say that.
- Oh, yeah.
- No.
- I literally ran for my life.
(cell phone rings) Who's that? It's just business.
Uh-uh, we're not watching this show.
We always watch this stupid TV show.
I refuse to watch "Love Actually" ever again.
Come on.
I'm gonna head up and do some work in the music room.
Let me know if anybody needs to go to the hospital, you know.
(laughing) 'Kay.
Hey, Deacon, it's Jessie Caine.
Just wanted to say thank you for a really lovely and unexpected afternoon.
You were really kind to listen.
So, any rate I mean, at any rate (laughs) I just wanted to say that I would really like to work with you.
I think I could bring something to the label.
And I know I could benefit from your experience.
And I hope you and Zach will consider signing me.
I know this is really long and embarrassing, and I'm gonna get off the phone now, okay Oh, actually, (laughs) there's an entire point to this phone call.
Forgot about that.
Uh, I'm playing at the Mercy Lounge again on Tuesday.
A bunch of the new songs I was talking to you about.
And, um, I'd love it if you or you and Zach could come.
So I hope to see you.
Bye.
So, why did you want to hang out with me? Well, because last time I saw you, you were so upset.
So I figured maybe we weren't done talking.
Yeah, but I'm just a stupid fan.
- You are you.
- You are not stupid.
And I'm just a person like you.
Yeah, but you're delicate and beautiful.
So are you.
Come on.
Okay? Honestly, firstly, it took me a really long time to see anything beautiful about myself at all.
And, secondly, pretty goes away.
In the end, it doesn't mean a damn thing.
Yeah, but it's easy for you to say.
I mean, you don't have people calling you horrible names every day for the way you look.
- I'm sorry.
- When I listen to your music and I read about you and Gunnar, it allows me to not have to be myself for a minute.
And feel what it's like to be you.
Then this happened.
What? I turned out to be human after all? You and Gunnar are both so beautiful and so talented, and you're not happy.
So how could I ever hope to be? Sweetheart, you are beautiful.
And you are so talented.
I've seen your art.
It's gorgeous.
- Stop.
- Yeah, it is.
(text message rings) It's my mom.
I gotta go.
- Can't leave her at home alone.
- Okay.
You stay in touch if you want.
You nervous? You'll be amazing.
I'll be something.
(laughs) Camera! (laughter) - Hey.
- Hey.
- Thanks for meeting me.
- Yeah.
No problem.
What's up? I want to get a lay of the land.
You know, get to know the people that I'm working with.
Well, you should know that I got my daughters at home.
- So I probably can't do a big meal thing.
- Yeah, no It's okay.
It's okay.
I know that you don't like me.
- That's not true.
- Okay, I'll rephrase that.
You don't like anything that I stand for.
That might be true.
I took the liberty of ordering.
Hope that's okay.
Can't argue with a martini, right? - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I also can't drink one.
I don't drink.
You're right.
You really don't know country music, do you? Hey, I am doing great here, huh? - Kinda nailing it.
- Hm, yeah.
Look, I just, um I want to find the best way that I can help you with Highway 65.
All right, I appreciate that.
I just, you know, honestly, I'm just I'm a guitar player.
In my wildest dreams, I never imagined I'd be running some company.
Strategy and marketing and all this nonsense.
Yeah So, here we are.
You are running a business because Rayna Yeah.
Mostly for the girls.
That's not true.
It's mostly because I really couldn't bear to see her dream die, you know.
A label for artists.
It's what it is, it's who she was to a T.
Seriously, I wish, you know, you could have met her.
She was just - What's so funny? What? - What? Nothing.
Some people would say it was rude that you're kind of laughing while I'm I'm not laughing.
Not laughing.
Smiling.
I'm sorry, okay? It's just, now I understand why every woman over the age of 33 gets all goo-goo eyed when I say that I'm working with you.
- What are you talking about? - Well, it's true.
It's like you're out of some novel or something.
Okay, stop that.
A handsome widower still married to his grief? It's like the plot of every pulp romance - since "Wuthering Heights.
" - You're just trying to embarrass me now or something, right? It's true.
(clears throat) Speaking of which, how did your meeting go with Jessie Caine? Speaking of what? Women who have crushes on you? No.
That was a business meeting Zach sent me to that business meeting.
I know.
Oh, I know.
It's okay.
What are you talking about? Girls, you know, they just know these things.
We can always tell.
(cell phone buzzes) (cell phone buzzes again) Hello? Anybody home? Hey.
Will, you're packed.
Where are you going? I'm going home.
What about the party tonight? You can go without me.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! What's going on here? Who are you, Zach? I don't understand.
Why do you have different cell phones? I want you to let me explain.
No.
I don't think there's anything to explain, Zach.
This one's called Jeff.
Who are the other ones? There's only one.
- You expect me to believe that? - It's not what you think.
You know, I'm not real capable - of thinking at this moment - Jeff is a guy who loves me! That's great.
- And you love him? - No! I used to, but I haven't in a very long time.
- So why do you call him? - I don't.
He calls me.
- What's the difference? - He can't let go, Will! Okay, it's complicated.
He's fragile and I feel guilty.
- I'm afraid of what might happen and - You know what, I don't believe it.
No, please, please, please.
You know me, okay? You know it's really hard for me to hurt people.
You're hurting me.
No, please, don't go, Will.
Will, the person I love is you! We'll talk about it in Nashville.
Right now, I just gotta go.
Will (door closes) Hey.
I cannot believe this.
- What? - Mackenzie Rhodes again.
"Miss O'Connor was visibly angry with what I had written, but she didn't deny any of the facts.
" You went back to her? Yeah.
I was too mad.
Scarlett, what are you doing? You're just making it worse by engaging her.
I know it's stupid.
I just I can't stop thinking about Nadine.
The fan girl? Ex-fan girl.
Okay, Scarlett, look.
They don't know who you are, like, really.
And you're allowing yourself to get all wrapped up in this.
It's almost as unhealthy as what they're doing to you.
I don't think you know what it's like.
What what's like? Being a girl.
It's a lot of pressure.
And people expect you to be one way.
And when you're not, they call you names and Look, I get it.
Boys get called names too.
What? Just getting an idea.
- Hi.
- Hey, Jessie.
It's Deacon.
Thanks for getting back to me.
Yeah.
I'm sorry it took me so long.
Oh, no worries.
Uh, so anyway, I got your message.
And, yeah, I want to hear some more songs.
- So send 'em over.
- Great! That's awesome.
- Okay, cool.
- So do you want to come - tomorrow night or - Uh, well I mean, honestly, I can just send them to you.
- Y-you don't - No, no.
I'm happy to come.
I just You just what? It sounds like there's something that you want to say.
Uh no, not really.
It's just weird right now, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can only imagine.
Which is why you really don't have to No, no, no.
It's okay.
It's just I don't really talk to that many people that much recently.
And the other day, we spent a long time there.
And that was nice.
It was You know, it was real nice.
I just wanted to be clear, you know, about Oh, my God.
Wow.
What? You think that I'm after you.
No, no, no, no, Jessie.
I'm just saying that So you think that I invited you to hear my songs so that I could insinuate myself into your life? No, no, no! I'm just trying to be clear about me, you know, what I'm thinking.
Okay.
Well, you know what? It was nice knowing you, Deacon.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Jessie, hold on, okay? You know what? You have no idea who I am or what I'm going through or what I want! So let me make myself clear.
I'm not looking for a relationship at all - with anyone probably ever, okay? - Okay, yes.
And I'm sure that you have tons of ladies that are falling all over you right now, but I'm the last person that you need to worry about, all right? So I guess I'll just see you around.
Jessie, hold on.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
I'm sorry.
Okay, yeah, bye.
Hi.
You've reached Mackenzie Rhodes.
- Leave a message.
- (beep) Hi, Mackenzie, it's Scarlett.
You're probably screening this call, which makes a lot of sense.
I just wanted to let you know I'm not angry at you anymore.
But I would like to invite you to something I'm organizing.
It's a little get-together, nice people with things to say.
And who knows? It might even be a story in it for you.
Keeping in the mind the edit is still rough, but I was just so jazzed by everything they accomplished out there, and how much of a natural this fine fellow is on camera.
That I wanted to show you guys as soon as possible - Just show it already, man! - Okay, okay, all right.
(guitar plays) Through the good and bad and better times The in betweens that make this life We'll raise a glass to us tonight (dog barking, growling) We fall to find our feet again Stand before we walk my friend Learn to take it on the chin I wanna be a good man I'm gonna be a good good good man (truck horn honks) Standing out here unafraid Living out this life I've made And not a single thing I'd change (music stops) I gonna be a good man I'm gonna be a good good man Ohooh - Good job.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Great to see you.
I should go.
No.
I want you to hear something.
What do you mean? (sighs) What? You're calling him right now? - Are you crazy? Hang up the phone! - It's the only way you'll ever trust me.
Hey! - Where were you? I was worried sick.
- Zach, hang up.
I was out in the desert.
They don't have cell service out there? Listen, Jeff, we have to talk, okay? I don't like the sound of that.
Jeff, it's time.
Come on.
No.
I'm not talking about this.
Stop, okay? I'm gonna hang up if you don't stop! Jeff, it's not gonna work this time.
We need to stop going around and around, and you know it.
No.
It doesn't need to be over.
I told you I'm ready to change.
You don't need to change! You're perfect just as you are.
You're just you're not for me.
Please? Zach - I'm sorry, Jeff.
- Please.
I'm really sorry, but you can't call me anymore.
This is so wrong.
Goodbye, Jeff.
That was horrible.
It needed to happen a long time ago.
Someday you're gonna do that to me.
Give me a break! I'm trying to earn back your trust.
Yeah, I know.
How'd Will do? He was great.
I don't know about this whole integration thing.
I don't think I can handle it.
Listen, uh, we need to talk.
Okay.
Billy put together a tour for me.
It's 20 cities starting in Atlanta.
And you already agreed? It wasn't an easy decision, but I think I have to.
And you're gonna do this without even talking to me? I'm talking to you now.
After you've already made the decision, obviously.
Yeah, because you weren't gonna make this decision.
I was.
Is this about the Hallie thing? Are you punishing me? Is that it? It's not about that, okay? This is something that's been building in me for a long time, and I can't put it off anymore.
What about us? Juliette, I'm not I'm not breaking up with you.
It's a tour.
You can't just leave us! What am I gonna do? Juliette, you're gonna be fine.
You have the resources to handle everything.
Please don't go.
I don't want you to leave.
I need you to listen to me right now, okay? I have been taking care of everyone for a long time.
Taking care of you and putting myself aside.
And I'm grateful for all of it.
And I'm so proud of you.
Look how far you've come.
You're completely healed.
But I need to do this, okay? I have to do something for myself now.
- You understand? - Yes.
How long are you gonna be gone? Seven weeks.
You're gonna be okay.
You will, I promise.
- Thank you.
- Juliette.
Thank you all so much for coming tonight.
Especially to Nadine for busting me, and making me see things differently.
- But do you really? - What do you mean? I mean, people like you Okay, let me stop you right there.
And thank you too.
- Why? - For what you just said.
"People like you".
I can guess the rest, but, um I'm pretty sure that we all have something in common here.
- Like what? - Like shame.
I don't get it.
So I know y'all have been hearing a lot of people say I should be ashamed of myself.
Thing is, I've heard that before.
When I was your age, I weighed about 14 pounds or something.
I was like a little pale stick figure.
Would've blown away in a strong wind.
I had a lazy eye, so I had to wear a pirate patch thing.
People gave me hell about it.
The worst part of it was that I shamed myself for being shamed.
Instead of laughing at the world when it was its meanest or fighting back, I just I agreed with it.
Thought I deserved it.
And when I was talking to Nadine earlier, I realized that inside I'm still that little girl.
I thought to myself, I wonder what it would have been like if when I was your age I had somebody to talk to about all that.
Maybe life wouldn't have been so lonely.
So who wants to talk? Yeah? I have a seizure disorder.
Sorry.
So am I.
My first episode was in ninth grade.
And that was the day I started being called Spazzy Katy which is what I'm called every day.
There was eight of them.
And before they beat me up, they just looked at each other and smiled.
These kids knew I couldn't swim, right? So they chased me to the pond, and grabbed me by my arms and legs, and tossed me right on in.
Damn near drowned.
And I still can't swim.
These girls I go to high school with, they pinned me down on the girl's locker room floor.
And they wouldn't let me up.
I couldn't see or breathe.
And it's really scary.
I had to have an operation on my spine.
I was 14.
I spent a year in a body brace.
Kids at school would call me The Bride of Frankenstein.
They'd throw my books on the floor.
And watch me struggle because they'd know how hard it would be for me to be able to pick them up.
And they did other things that I don't want to talk about.
When people treat you that way long enough, - you start to believe it.
- Yeah, that's true.
That's how shame wins, I think.
I'm sorry.
Last night I left the kitchen Singing Folsom Prison Blues I been up doing the dishes Drinking whiskey like we used to You were Johnny I was June We'd fix it all up with a tune I was a fool for thinking this would be that easy 'Cause baby I'm still learning how to lose you Like the kickback from the smoking gun It takes some getting used to And I can't un-pull the trigger I can't make you call And these ghosts I treat like lovers Ain't been helping me at all I stay up all night For fear of talking in my sleep 'Cause if I dream about your memory I'll just beg you not to leave And the mornings don't bring mercy No not like you could do When I would only ever brave the day By waking up with you 'Cause baby I'm still learning how to lose you Baby I'm still learning how to lose you Baby, I'm still learning how to lose you Yeah baby I'm still learning how to lose you