Young & Hungry (2014) s05e17 Episode Script

1 I am so excited to go to work today.
Well, not the work part, but the going part, because I get to ride my brand new used motorcycle! - Gabi, I'm freaking out.
- Oh, don't freak out.
You know I used to ride with my aunt all the time.
Which is why he gave me his motorcycle, because my aunt is now my uncle, and he can't ride it anymore, because it's pink.
Do you really think that's why I'm freaking out? Gabi, tonight is my third date with Nick, you know what that means? Mmm, yes I do.
Bow-chicka-wow-wow Yes, we're going to engage in bow-chicka-wow-wow for the very first time, and you know, it has to be amazing.
Don't worry, okay? It's gonna be fine.
You've done this a thou Hun handful of times.
But those handful were amazing, were they not? Well, I don't wanna toot my own horn, but I did toot theirs pretty damn good.
Heh! That's my girl! And you know what else is gonna be amazing? Uh, knowing that your best friend has confidence in you and believes in you? And won't be here tonight? Oh.
All right, no problemo, I will stay at Josh's.
When I show up on my brand new motorcycle, it's gonna get his motor running, and then I'm gonna show him some dangerous curves.
Ah-toot toot! If you don't say anything like that to Nick, it's gonna go great.
Josh Gabi, one second, I'm a little busy.
I have a super sexy surprise for you.
I like super sexy surprises.
- Where is it? - Downstairs.
- Is that a euphemism? - No.
And before I tell you it's in the parking garage, that is not a euphemism, either.
Okay.
Are you ready? I'm ready.
I'm ready! All right.
Open your eyes.
Ta-da! - What's this? - My Uncle Chris gave me his motorcycle! How great is it? I think it's bad.
Yeah, right, it's super bad.
I mean, look at it, it's so cool! Wouldn't say cool.
Yeah, you're right.
It's more hot.
(LAUGHS) You wanna take a ride with me? Nope.
- What do you mean, nope? - I mean, get rid of it.
You're not ridin' this motorcycle.
- What? - I won't allow it! I'm sorry, what, Dad? See if I ever take you downstairs again! And that is a euphemism! She in the spotlight And she turn my head She run a red light 'Cause she bad like that I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby Baby, I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby - (CHUCKLES) - (CAMERA CLICKING) - (LAUGHS) - (CLICKING) - (LAUGHING HARDER) - (CLICKING) Oh, Yolanda.
Look at these pictures of me.
What's different? Ooh, what's different is you look skinny! (LAUGHS) You must've gotten a defective tablet.
I know.
Where was this thing when I was online dating? I could've done way better than Alan.
I'm sorry, Gabi, I will not let you ride that motorcycle.
You won't "let" me? You won't "let" me? Ooh, they're fighting.
I hope it's the big one.
You are going to hurt yourself.
No, I'm not, okay? I used to ride with my uncle all the time, I have a motorcycle license! Do you know why doctors refer to motorcycles as "donor-cycles"? Uh, because it rhymes? Because 90 percent of organ donations come from dead bikers.
Ohh.
Well, then I'm gonna be fine, because I'm not a donor! You are missing the point! - Which is? - I said no! No motorcycle for you.
Are you kiddin' me? Gabi's a grown woman, and you can't tell her what to do! (QUIETER) Uh, boss.
I support Josh a hundred percent.
And maybe someday, I'll give him one of my organs.
As your boss, I'm instituting a no-motorcycle policy, starting right now, and that goes for all employees.
I'm not gonna watch you kill yourself.
I'm not gonna kill myself.
Josh, there are so many ways to die.
I mean, I could I could get caught in a riptide, I could get struck by lightning, I could die in a plane crash.
But you never do, Gabi.
You never do! That Ethiopian place was great, right? Yep, it was pretty great.
I helped the owner get his green card, so he makes it extra spicy for me.
Ehhh, how many green cards did you get him? So, uh, should we, have a drink, or - Um - skip it? (STOMACH GURGLING) What was that? Um, that That was me.
Arrrarrr (LAUGHS) (STOMACH GURGLING) Yeah, I definitely heard something.
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE) Mo That's a motorcycle! That's Gabi's new motorcycle! Hey! Wow, those things are loud! Wasn't she supposed to be staying at Josh's tonight? Yeah, well, maybe something went wrong.
(WHISPERS) Please, God! Sorry! Sorry! I know tonight's your special night.
I'm just grabbing my PJ's and then I'm gonna sleep at Yolanda's.
Oh, wait, why are you sleeping at Yolanda's? Josh and I had words.
All of his were wrong.
- I'll fill you in tomorrow.
- No! Uh Fill me in now.
You two had a fight? - You can't hold this in all night.
- Oww! Okay, I'm real I'm sorry Listen, I don't wanna ruin your special night of bow-chicka-wow-wow.
You have to, um, (WHISPERS) help me.
(STOMACH GURGLING) Oh Oh, my, ah, Sofia, you know me too well.
I am a total mess! And I need my best friend's shoulder to cry on! Why don't I give you guys a little privacy, I'll, uh, wait in the bedroom.
(GASP) No, no! No no no, no, no.
I need to, uh I need to cry in all the rooms.
Yes.
It was a very big fight.
Oh, no, that is terrible! Nick, uh, this pains me.
But, um, Gabi's a wreck.
Could we maybe try this again tomorrow? Over ginger ale and clear broth? - Um if that's what you want.
- Mm-mm.
(STOMACH GURGLING) Gabi, y you still may have to sleep over at Yolanda's house tonight.
- (KNOCKING) - Come on, Yolanda, let's go! Damn, girl, I thought you were the police.
I almost flushed my stash! All right, are you ready to go to work on the bike that Josh didn't want me to have? Oh, good.
So you're over it.
I started to get over it, and then I started thinking about it.
H He's not worried about me, he just wants to control me.
- What? - He's always tellin' me what to do, what time to get there, what he wants for breakfast, what he wants for lunch, what time he wants all those meals served.
- You're his chef! - Oh, don't take his side! Gabi, trust me, if that boy wanted to control you, he'd just make that bike disappear.
Oh my god, where's my motorcycle? Oh, that boy's tryin' to control you! And get away with it? Well, he's in for a rude awakening.
Hell, yeah, he is.
I just don't think he's ever gonna admit it.
Oh, he's gonna admit it.
As long as we go in there, and do exactly what we planned.
All right.
Let's crack this bitch.
Whoo-hoo! That was one hell of a motorcycle ride - to work, Yolanda.
- Oh, hell yeah, it was.
Last time I had somethin' vibrate that hard between my legs, it had batteries.
Wait you rode the bike to work today? Yeah.
Yeah, Josh, we did.
Why? Does that seem odd to you? No.
What seems odd is that not only would you ride the bike to work knowing how against it I am, but that you would saunter in here and throw it in my face.
Uh, uh, Gabi, um, what's happening? (WHISPERING) Just stick to the plan.
So, uh, Josh, where were you last night, huh? What'd ya do? I was here all night.
Aha! You were here all night! Uh All night.
Uh, maybe he didn't take the bike.
(SIGH) Oh, he took it.
I'm gonna get him to admit it.
- How? - You took my bike, admit it! What are you talking about? (IMITATING JOSH) Wha? What are you talking about? Please.
This morning I went down to where I parked my bike last night, and it was gone.
So you're blaming me? Well, you're the one who took it, so No, I'm not! Yesterday, you had a huge problem with my bike, and then today, coincidentally, it gets stolen? Wow.
I never thought you would stoop this low.
I did not stoop, I'm no stooper! And I don't appreciate being wrongfully accused of something I didn't do! Now, I'm gonna be in my office in case anybody wants to come in there to apologize for falsely accusing me of somethin'! Wait a minute.
I'm confused.
If he didn't take the bike, who did? - What do you know? - Nothing.
- Where's the bike? - I don't know! I know you know somethin'.
You're avoiding my gaze.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I love the gays.
Give it up, Elliot.
You know something.
All I know is how sexy I look on my "SkinnyPad.
" Oh.
Oh, really, here, lemme, uh, lemme see that! Hey, give me back my SkinnyPad! Tell us where you put the bike.
I told you, I don't know.
I'm done playin' around.
No! No! Nooo! Don't drop it, please! It's the only camera that gets me.
Without it, I'm nothing.
Hm.
Where's.
My.
Bike? Okay! It was me! I stole it! Josh made me! Son of a bitch! I knew it! Now give me my SkinnyPad, and I'll show you where your bike is.
(NASAL VOICE) Oh, wow, brunch was amazing.
You're amazing.
I loved that you wanted to take a personal day so we didn't have to wait till tonight to get personal.
Oh I love that you bought me these, uh, flowers.
(SNEEZES) Uh, you know what keeps them fresher longer? Putting 'em outside.
Well my dad brought my mom lilacs on their fourth date, and they've been together 35 years.
I think it's a tradition worth keeping.
Oh my god, that is so sweet.
Are you sure you're okay? Oh, yes, everything's perfect, everything's great.
Uh, uh, nothing's gonna ruin this perfect day, dammit! Looking at you, it already is.
Oh my god, are you crying? - A little.
- Ohh (SNEEZES) Um, would you mind getting a bottle of, uh, champagne from the fridge? I love day drinking.
(CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS) God, when's this thing gonna kick in? - Hi.
- Hi.
Oh god, you're cute.
Oh.
You're cute.
(GIGGLES) You ready for that champagne? Hello? (SNORING) (CLINKS GLASSES) It's back here under this tarp.
Now gimme back my SkinnyPad! Oh, my precious.
That is not my bike! What are you tryin' to pull? I swear to god that's where we put it! Someone must've actually stolen it.
Okay, in this building full of millionaires, someone came down here, saw an old bike, and stole it? No, I don't think Wait a minute.
Did you see Josh when we left? Where was Josh when we left? I did not see him.
I did not see him either.
- Do you think he? - Oh, I definitely think he Oh, I know he! Where's my phone? Where's Oh, I lost my phone, gimme your phone, gimme your phone! (PHONE RINGING) JOSH: Elliot, this better be important.
I need both my hands to ride this motorcycle.
Ohhh, so you can ride the motorcycle, but I can't! - Gabi? - Yeah.
I knew you stole it! Yeah, I took it and I'm not sorry! - This old thing is dangerous, - (TIRES SCREECHING) - and Ahhhh! - (CRASHING) - Josh? - (PHONE TURNS OFF) - Josh? - What happened? Oh my god, I lost him! Well, maybe he's in a tunnel.
A tunnel with a light at the end of it? Hello? 911? I think my boyfriend Was in an accident.
He's on a motorcycle.
Well, actually, it's my motorcycle.
My uncle, who used to be my aunt, gave it to me, but it's really old, and so my boyfriend didn't want me riding it, and so he stole it, and then I called him, and I think I made him get in an accident! You have to find him, 9-1-1! Oh.
I'm sorry.
That was 4-1-1.
Ronnie! This guy wiped out in front of the bar.
Ow, pain! Ow, pain! Ow, pain! Ow, pain! Ow, pain! Relax, man.
Ronnie's a nurse, she'll take good care of you.
Well, you're still walkin' and talkin'.
Can't be that serious.
Yeah, but he did smash his pink bike up real good.
It's actually my girlfriend's bike.
Hey, we accept all kinds here.
The only reason why I'm riding it is I told her not to.
I told her it was too dangerous and look what happened.
Well, lemme see.
All right.
Ooh.
That's some serious road rash there.
Oh, yeah, a little blood.
- Really? - Yeah.
Lemme see.
I can take a little blood.
Oh wow.
Yeah, here I go.
(THUD) (STARTLED) Oh my god, you're still here.
- And you're dressed.
- Yeah.
And I'm dressed.
Oh, no! It didn't happen again.
No.
You passed out after taking too much allergy medicine.
(SIGH) I was just supposed to stop my sneezing, not my, uh Well, I mean, we can still do the, uh what you just did.
We can? Okay! - Here we go! - Yeah! (LAUGHS) - (PHONE RINGS) - (NICK EXHALES) - (PHONE RINGS AGAIN) - You wanna get that? - Nope.
- (PHONE RINGS AGAIN) 'Cause it rang a couple times while you were asleep.
(SIGHS) Dammit! Okay, bring me to my phone.
(PHONE RINGS AGAIN) Wait a minute, this isn't even my phone, it's Gabi's phone Oh, well, she must've grabbed the remote by mistake again.
(PHONE RINGS AGAIN) Oh my god, where is he? Why hasn't he called? Why hasn't 9-1-1-called? Would you calm down? My god, if I had only listened to him in the beginning, he never would've taken the bike! Oh, don't blame yourself.
You're right.
Elliot, why did you help him steal it? Because I hate you and I love him! It was a win-win.
Oh god.
I hope nothing happened to his pretty face.
Oh my god.
I love him so much! I I've never loved anyone as much as him.
I mean, what if something horrible happened? I can't take this! - (PHONE RINGS) - Is that Josh? Sofia.
(PHONE RINGS AGAIN) Sofia, you're never gonna guess what happened.
Wow, that's a really good guess.
Ooh I don't know what happened.
I never faint like that.
I'm normally not queasy about anything.
- Spider - Where? Get him off me! Get him off me! Oh, no.
It's the bartender.
His name is Spider.
Yeah.
I know.
Hey, Spider.
Oh my god, Josh.
My love.
Are you okay? - Ooh.
- Called it.
Oh, there's my baby.
Josh? Hey, are you okay? - I'm fine.
- (SIGHS) Good.
- Are you sure? - I'm positive.
Good, good.
What is wrong with you? What the hell were you thinking? Do you know how dangerous that is? Riding a motorcycle is dumb, Josh, it is so dumb.
Oh, not not you guys, just him.
How'd you guys even know I was here? Oh, I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of borrowing your phone to call your ICE.
- His ICE? - His "in case of emergency.
" You're the first number on his phone.
I'm your ICE? You're my ICE.
(LAUGHS) Of course you're my ICE.
Most important person in the world to me.
Why do you think I didn't want you gettin' on that bike? Yeah, I know now.
It's not because you were control-y, it was because you were worried about me, because you love me.
Yeah.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I don't have any ice.
Aw, I'll be your ICE.
I'm talkin' about my drink, fool.
It doesn't have any ice, now go get me some.
Go get it yourself! I'll take a picture of you with your SkinnyPad.
Standing at the bar? With my booty popped out? - Done.
- (LAUGHS) Yay! I mean (CLEARS THROAT) (DEEPER VOICE) Yay.
Sup.
Gabi? You can let go now.
No, I can't.
So, what are we gonna do about this bike? Oh, I'm never getting on that thing, and neither are you.
- Are you telling me what to do? - Yes.
- So you can control me? - Yes! - That's not fair! - Kiss me! - But I'll do it.
- Okay.
Oh, uh, hey, does anybody wanna buy a gently used pink motorcycle? Called it.
Josh? Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah, he's all right.
Just a little scrape on his leg.
Everything's under control.
Wait wait wait wait wait.
So uh, I called you when there was an emergency, and nobody called me when it turned out not to be? I'm sorry, I had a lot on my mind.
Oh, you're sorry? Gabi, I was just about to have sex.
- Let's go.
- Hold up.
Mm-hm.
Listen, um, I'm secure and all, but I'm a little confused here.
Are you sure you want this to happen? Yes! I want this to happen! I want this to happen more than world peace.
- I need my phone - (DEMONIC VOICE) Shut up, Gabi! Look the reason that we haven't slept together is because I really, really like you.
We haven't slept together because you really, really like me? You wanted to make everything perfect, and I wanted everything to be perfect, - and then I got insane diarrhea.
- Oh.
And then I got allergies, and that was just not so perfect.
- I really need my phone - (DEMONIC VOICE) Get away from me! Sofia, our first time doesn't have to be perfect.
Just memorable.
I'll take memorable, but Hm.
(QUIETLY) You ever done it in a biker bar bathroom? Conducting a lewd act in a public place is a violation of Penal Code 647.
Sounds memorable to me.
They're gonna have sex.
Called it.