Gossip Girl s05e18 Episode Script
Con Heir
Gossip Girl here Your one and only source in the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
I needed a family member for a blood transfusion, and I gave the doctors Jack's number.
Jack? I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore.
I realized it belongs to someone else.
I've always hesitated going after Lola's father for child support.
Do you know who he is? I'm looking right at him.
It's time to pass the Gossip Girl baton.
Now be a doll and send this for me.
There's stuff on this laptop that'll blow people's minds.
Why did you introduce this girl as your daughter? Who is she? Ivy Dickens.
Your mom hired me to be you.
"As for the rest of my estate, I leave to you, Ivy Dickens.
" I think it'd be best if you left.
I was just gonna say the same thing.
This is my apartment now.
And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
Dear "S by S" readers, it looks like spring has finally sprung, and lucky for us, one thing that hasn't yet popped up is Gossip Girl.
Hopefully my family's unfortunate exile to Brooklyn will pass quietly and with dignity.
What's wrong? I'm perfect as usual And we've been waiting weeks, so Blair.
Oh, God.
I thought you said they were having breakfast with William.
Yes.
Here.
You're welcome to join us.
How could I say no? If I had known this was what you meant when you invited me for a corporate retreat, I might have packed differently.
You didn't need clothes for mistress Katya's blindfolded trust exercise, but I would wear something more suitable when I thank you officially for saving my life.
What, from that arsonist, Russell Thorpe? That was a year ago.
Took you long enough.
No, no, no, I'm referring to the car accident-- your blood donation, after my body rejected the first transfusion, and I needed the family member.
Oh.
That.
Well, I wouldn't be here without you.
I'm eternally grateful.
Yeah, well, I considered letting you die and taking your billions.
That's probably why you let me have all the hot ones last night.
My first gift.
My second is a bit larger.
I've endowed a new wing at the hospital where I was treated.
It's going to be the Jack Bass pavilion.
Tonight is the ribbon cutting ceremony for the renovation.
Seriously? You're not just trying to get me to the hospital to put me in rehab? No, but that said, you might want to get rid of the evidence of last night's exploits before we go.
I'll sleep it off with you and you.
Come on.
Mmm.
Well, I may have made a few too many waffles, but it's only because it's great to be back in my old kitchen.
You mean with the stove with the burners you have to light with a match? It's the quirks-- the little quirks that make it feel like home.
You know, I never knew that the croissants in Brooklyn rivaled Sant Ambroeus.
They don't.
I ran up there this morning.
I also stopped by to see Vanya, who had some packages for me and arranged to have, um, Serena's delivered.
It is ludicrous that we have to go to these lengths to get our own mail.
William, please tell me you found a way to fix this.
Well, there's nothing technically wrong with the will, so as executor, my hands are tied.
The law requires that I remain neutral.
Lily and I have a meeting with Bruce Caplan later.
I think it's best if we get our legal opinions from an expert.
He won't tell you anything different.
William, what are you even still doing here? Uh, Rufus, William, let's not let Ivy drive us apart.
Well, sounds like everyone's got a lot to do today.
I think you should probably get started right away.
Uh, Blair and I can clean up.
I don't-- uh see why you shouldn't all leave immediately, because when you are dealing with a charlatan like Ivy Dickens, time is of the essence.
Did you see what Lily and Serena said about me today in the paper? I don't read the paper.
Not even your boyfriend's? 'Cause that's where it is.
They said my father's fatal overdose sparked my lifetime of criminal behavior.
I'm not a criminal.
You know that.
Well, a year ago, I might have agreed with you, but now Lily has plenty of money.
Cece just wanted me to have some, too.
Ivy, I really think it would be best if you stopped calling me, okay? Lola! Hey, I was just about to call you.
Is there any chance I could interview you for my Ivy Dickens story? I'm sorry, Serena.
I'm really not comfortable getting involved.
You already are involved, never mind what she did to your family, but what she did to you was worst of all.
I mean, she stole your identity.
I really don't wanna talk about it, okay? Especially not in the press.
Okay.
Well, if you change your mind.
I swear that wasn't another botched attempt to get you two together.
She just works here.
I know.
All I wanna do is figure out if I fit into this family, but I don't know how to do that in the middle of a war with Ivy.
Well, did you ever call your uncle William back? He's Cece's executor.
She obviously trusted him a lot.
Maybe he has some ideas.
Yeah, I guess it couldn't hurt to go ask.
Oh.
This coffee is probably cold, and I've just dumped a bunch of my problems in your lap, but I swear I came here with good intentions-- a warm beverage and a little moral support before your big investor meeting.
Thanks.
I'm trying, Carol, but a will is a legal document.
I can't just overturn it because you're blackmailing me.
I don't care what's legal.
I want my inheritance.
You can pay me out of your pocket if it's easier.
You know I can't do that.
I work for a living.
Then get ready for Serena and Eric to hate you when they find out that you fathered my daughter while you were married to their mother.
Lily will never forgive you, and you know that.
You hired someone to play our daughter to keep it secret.
Yes, which should give you some sense of what I'm willing to do to get my money.
Bye! Good luck with the lawyer.
I thought I had a primping problem.
How long does it take two middle-aged people to leave the apartment? At least they're finally gone.
We need to move fast.
I don't know how long this meeting's gonna take.
Well, at least our month of failed intimacy attempts brought to light every possible potential problem.
Oh, yeah, and I moved the condoms from the dresser to the nightstand-- That's one I don't care to relive.
It wasn't as bad as the time my dad and Lily-- Twice.
Three times less than Serena went into our shared bathroom.
Yeah, and how does that housekeeper filling in for Dorota not know how to knock? We can't even escape to a proper pied-a-terre in Manhattan until Georgina gets me my divorce, or my family will have to pay the dowry.
But nothing is in our way now.
Not even another unfortunate unzipping incident.
Oh, my poor Prabal.
Wait.
What? Do you feel that? Uh? It's like someone's watching us.
Um it's just Cedric.
Uh, maybe that'll stop.
Earplugs? Noise-canceling headphones? This came for you.
Thank you so much.
Hey, do you have those numbers for your column? I need them for my meeting.
Yeah, they're on my desk.
Thanks.
Oh, hey, I saw you and Lola earlier.
Maybe you could take it easy on her like she asked.
If you don't mind, I think I'll determine how to handle my family.
Well, it was just a suggestion.
S.
, welcome to your future as Gossip Girl 3.
0.
I wouldn't tell anyone you have this.
Trust me, anonymity is key, and don't pretend you're not intrigued.
We all know there's only one Upper East Side blogger who matters, and it's not S by S.
The power is now in your hands.
Your old friend G.
, singular.
P.
S.
Keep the password to yourself.
The only recourse you really have is if you can prove that Cece wasn't of sound mind when she changed her will.
Everyone we spoke with said that your mother's mind was sharp to the end, even with the gin.
There's no other way to get the court to overturn the will? They'll only grant a hearing and freeze the assets with evidence of wrongdoing on Ivy's part.
Well, she pretended to be my niece.
What could be more wrong than that? Nothing, if Cece had named Charlie Rhodes in her will, but she left everything to Ivy Dickens.
Cece clearly knew who she really was.
At least we have plenty of money and a great place to live while we figure this out.
I'm sorry, Rufus, but I can't see a bright side to a con artist living in my home, debasing my mother's memory.
She did something illegal.
I just have to find it.
I don't understand.
I'm offering to pay you just to show me fabric.
Okay.
Fine.
Having trouble finding a decorator? Or an art consultant or a personal shopper or anyone from the Upper East Side to talk to me.
What's the point of having all this money if no one will let me spend it? Well, perhaps I can be of assistance.
For a percentage of that money, of course.
I'd pay anything to get Lily and Serena to stop blackballing me.
All you have to do is throw a party.
Why? No one will come.
They'll have no choice if it's a benefit to honor the Celia Rhodes Cancer Foundation.
I'll see to that for a healthy fee.
You just can't let anybody know that it was my idea.
You've done a great job building up a full-fledged news source, but with so many other media options, what sets you apart to compete long term? Well, we don't just follow the news.
We're the people involved in it, so we get the stories and perspectives that no one else has access to.
Isn't that Serena Van Der Woodsen? I've seen her in the society pages.
Exactly my point.
Serena.
This is James Mackenzie.
He's considering becoming our new financial partner.
Oh.
It's a pleasure.
Serena's blog is one of "The Spectator's" biggest draws.
I'm just writing a story right now on Ivy Dickens.
That's the woman who inherited everything from your grandmother.
I read about her.
Like I said, Serena's writing from the inside.
She's our generation's Dominick Dunne.
I can't wait to read it.
Nate, you can expect an official offer by tonight.
Thank you, James.
I look forward to working with you.
I'll see myself out.
I hope he means it.
His offer is the only one with the money we need.
So thank you.
I think your Ivy expose helped close the deal.
Is that the story? Oh.
Gossip Girl's back? I think so.
I don't know.
I was just, um, looking up some stuff on Ivy, but there is a new post.
Do you know she's throwing a party tonight in Cece's honor? I can't believe this girl.
She has no shame.
That we knew.
Strange I didn't get the blast yet.
I figured she was still on vacation, whatever that means.
Yeah.
I-I just got it now, so I'm sure you'll get it soon.
Well, let me know what you find on Ivy.
I'm gonna go see how we're doing on that Jack-Bass-saving-Chuck story.
There was no answer in Dr.
Van Der Woodsen's room, so I was wondering if I could leave a message.
Oh.
Actually, never mind.
Lily just R.
S.
V.
P.
'd she's coming.
The plan's working.
And thanks for helping me with the caterer.
You can keep the "thank yous," but I'll take that check you offered.
I still haven't heard from Serena.
Well, that wasn't part of our agreement.
Look, I've lived here long enough to know not to write a check until they actually show up.
I'll see what I can do.
Hey.
If I have to be sober tonight, shouldn't you? I just had an interesting conversation with Nate.
It's about time he confessed his true feelings for you.
"The Spectator" is doing a story on the hospital dedication tonight, and his reporter did some research on you.
Well, if she's having a coronary reading about my history, then I can help her.
I'm about to have my own hospital wing.
Incredibly, it wasn't your fondness of the beer bath at Chodovar or your restraining orders that caught her eye.
It was your time at Eton.
It's an English boarding school.
Everyone tries it.
Schoolboy exploits aside, spending more than 3 months in the U.
K.
from 1980 to 1996 prohibits you from donating blood in this country.
Didn't they ask you about that? Yeah.
They also asked me if I ever used drugs or slept with prostitutes.
I told them what they wanted to hear so I could save your life.
Right.
I should've known better than to expect you to play by the rules.
It's the only way I'm predictable.
I should get to the hospital, make sure everything's ready for tonight.
I'll see you there.
I'll just drink enough to behave normally.
How'd your meeting go? I should have the official offer tonight.
Oh, that's great.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
You're a good actress, but that smile doesn't look real.
What's wrong? Not to sound tacky, but can I ask you a rich person question? I put my extensive knowledge of privilege fully at your disposal.
Well, when I went to go see William, I ended up overhearing Ivy offering him money.
He's the executor of Cece's will, so that's sketchy, right? A beneficiary is not allowed to reward an executor.
It would call the entire inheritance into question if he was working for her.
Do you think William would really do that to his family, though? Well, William's history isn't exactly pristine.
He's been known to con people and so is Ivy.
I mean, this would be grounds to contest the will in court.
I think you have to tell Serena.
I have to think about it.
And I have to get to class, too.
Let's just keep this between us for now, okay? Yeah.
Okay.
Let me guess.
You're redecorating.
I know that the jewelry mother left me is here somewhere.
I can't believe I have to go to a benefit for my mother as a guest at my home.
You sure you don't want me there for moral support? No, you've so been looking forward to this magnetic fields concert, and let's be honest.
I fake a happy face better than you do.
I just wanted to wear something of Cece's to remind everyone who her true daughter really is.
Hmm.
Will, uh, this necklace work? It's perfect.
Thank you.
Mm.
I know how hard this has been, Lil.
Um, so if it helps, I decided to buy us a little privacy.
You reconsidered about the hotel? Well, just for tonight, to start.
Oh, that's great, and then once we realize it's easier, we can always extend.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna pack.
No.
You don't need any more stress.
That's why I got the room for Dan.
I should take this for the loft.
I don't know how I didn't think of that sooner.
And us entering separately eliminated the threat of anyone seeing us together.
Alas, no car alarms.
There's no construction.
No friends, no housekeepers, or family to interrupt.
I think I forgot the champagne at your place.
We don't need it or this conversation.
Let's hope good flings come to those who wait.
Wow.
Yeah.
My words exactly.
Well, it was only one word.
One's all you need, really.
Yeah.
Well, I would love to stay for seconds, but I should really get back home and make sure that fake Dorota doesn't put my Lemaire cashmere in the washer again.
Well, it's understandable.
Well, I-I mean, anyway, we're both Going to that horrible Ivy thing tonight, right? I mean, that's the only reason why we had to finish in such a timely fashion.
Yeah, family obligations are important.
Right.
Well I'll see you over Tacky aperitifs.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Bass.
There must be a misspelling or a glitch in the system.
I can't find your file.
All my records are missing? I was on duty the night of your accident, but the only Bass that came up in my search is first name Jack.
Oh, his records are fine, too, actually.
Except I'm not allowed to show you another patient's information.
Of course.
I'm just trying to find out some specifics about his blood donation that saved my life.
I was hoping to mention them when I dedicate the new wing in his honor.
He's the one who gave you blood? I don't understand.
I'm sorry.
I can't discuss someone else's chart.
So I'll stop asking you, too.
Could you let director Brancolini know that I'm here? I'd like to speak with him before the ceremony.
My pleasure.
I don't understand.
If Lola saw my dad take money from Ivy, then why didn't she tell me herself? You know this is complicated for her.
I just thought you deserved to know, and this way, Lola doesn't have to be in the middle of anything.
Oh, yeah, but instead she'll just accuse my dad of taking bribes.
Look, he would never do something like that.
Lola just must have heard wrong.
I don't think she did, but don't worry.
I'm not gonna write anything until I confirm it.
You're not gonna write anything? What are you talking about? This is my article.
You're too close, Serena.
I'm sorry.
I can't take a chance on the article that hooked Mackenzie.
Hey, dad.
I-I'm so glad it's you.
I wanted to ask you something.
Great.
Let's chat at Ivy Dickens' party tonight.
I wasn't planning on going to that.
Why on earth are you? I know how you feel about her, but it is a benefit to honor your grandmother.
I felt we should all be there as a family.
Um okay.
You know what, dad? Um I guess you're right.
I'll be there at 7:30.
Great.
All right, love.
Serena's coming.
All we need now is for Ivy to write that check.
Yes, our proof she's engaging in illegal activity.
The court will have to agree to hear our case.
Ticktock, Upper East Siders.
This time bomb is about to send Ivy's party up in smoke.
I thought it was crank call when you say that you come to Queens.
Why? You know my manners are impeccable, even if it means crossing into unsavory areas to give you a baby gift.
You weren't there to wrap it, so This is re-gift from your wedding to prince, not present for Leo.
Well, everyone brings the child a gift, but no one needs champagne more than a new mother.
You must have something to break these in with.
This will do.
Hey, I'll be here.
Thanks.
Hey, man.
I was just in the neighborhood.
Thought I'd stop by to see if you, uh, you wanted to grab a drink or you know what? We could just drink here.
I figure you must have something, unless you haven't honored our "Be like Don Draper" pact.
Does this sudden onset alcoholism have something to do with Blair? No.
Uh, Blair's great.
It's perfectly normal for a new relationship to need time to find its, uh, its groove.
The sex was bad, wasn't it? It happened to you, too? It must be her, then.
That makes me feel a lot better.
Now that you drink, spill.
What Mr.
Lonely Boy do? Don't tell me the anatomical reason he always so lonely? Dorota! No! Everything was physically appealing, but the problem wasn't the man.
It was the deed.
You see, I didn't have any technical difficulties.
It was just inexplicably terrible.
Hmm, sounds like a classic case of the Dan Humphrey overthink.
All right, so what if after the build-up, that aspect of the relationship doesn't work? Maybe he nervous.
What he say when you tell him sex only so-so? Well, what did Blair say about it? Nothing at all.
Oh, you mean after you lied and told her how great it was? Honesty is your only shot at making this any better.
Well, it would've been impolite, and I didn't want to upset him.
Upset is only the beginning if you say nothing.
It take honest communication to turn Vanya from boy to man in bedroom.
I'm gonna need another drink to forget I just heard that.
You need to go talk to her.
Okay.
Just after one more drink.
You're looking for answer in wrong borough.
You need to talk to Mr.
Lonely Boy.
Fine.
But I'm gonna need a stronger buzz to enter Ivy's party.
We're only good friends.
Wine? Oh.
Red wine at a cocktail party.
Excuse me.
Why? What's wrong with it? Well, you don't serve red when people are moving around.
If they were to spill Well, I trust my guests, including you.
Thank you for coming.
Yes, well, you know quite well that I would not miss a chance to honor my mother.
I miss her, too.
I know she would want us to be close, so I was hoping we could respect her wishes by talking again.
We used to have such a wonderful relationship.
Yes, yes, under, uh, false pretenses.
Then let this be our fresh start.
Um, excuse me.
Could we have a picture, please? For Cece.
Since when do ribbon cuttings involve crippled kids? I wouldn't call him crippled to his face.
Sorry, kid, but let's face it.
You're crippled.
Michael, meet Jack.
Don't touch me.
After hearing about his brave battle with leukemia, I decided a blood drive would be a much better symbol of your heroism than a simple ribbon cutting.
Well, another needle in the arm doesn't sound like a celebration, unless it's putting something in.
We can celebrate properly later.
He's ready.
Okay, you know I can't give that kid my blood, so Go away.
Thank you, Michael.
Tell your agent the check's in the mail.
You played me with a fake kid? No, the kid's real.
He's just not sick.
But you are-- with hepatitis.
Since I don't have it, I know you didn't give me blood.
It's the only way I could get you to admit it.
So I guess this is the end of the Jack Bass Wing.
Well, we can discuss that after you tell me the truth.
Looks like you're having a stellar debut.
Which means I did my job.
Yes.
Thank you.
And I will write you that check just after I talk to Lauren San Domingo.
I can't believe she came.
Hey.
How you holding up? Well, seeing our home taken over by Florida trash is torture, but I'm taking it in stride.
It'll all be over soon.
She offered your father a bribe.
How do you know that? Well, William told me right after she did it.
Luckily, he thought quickly and he accepted, knowing it was the ammunition we need to take her case to court.
He'll likely be removed as executor, but he's willing to make that sacrifice for us.
Mom, that's that's amazing, but what are you waiting for? Ivy hasn't written your father a check yet.
Hopefully it'll be any minute.
Now look, I know how much you dislike her, but don't say anything yet.
We don't wanna spook her.
That's just what I was thinking.
You know, I just realized I have an 8:00 deadline.
Um, I hope she didn't pack up my old computer.
Excuse me.
Oh, Serena.
Hi, Mr.
Cavett.
Oh, you look like a million bucks before taxes.
Oh, thank you.
As the late Bob Hope would say Oh, seriously, though, I was so sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing.
She was such a-- how would you say-- such a--such an original woman, wouldn't you say? Oh, yes.
Well, thank you.
Dan.
Blair, hey.
What are you doing here? I'm, um same as you.
I'm just going to-- going to the party.
So let's go up, instead of staying here and talking 'cause there's nothing to talk about.
Yeah.
I agree.
There's nothing at all.
I hope she has a full bar.
Yeah.
Mm, me, too.
Oh, Serena, go easier on me in your column from now on.
Oh, you gotta stop being so scandalous.
Look, I can't miss this deadline.
Take care.
Oh, Serena, I've been looking for you everywhere.
Now's not a good time.
It's about Ivy.
I would love to talk about her, but I just have to do something before 8:00.
You can steal money, but you can't steal class.
Looks like Ivy's poisoned what little remained of her good will.
Last I heard, it was illegal to bribe an executor.
That's what I wanted to tell you.
I guess Gossip Girl got to it first.
And ruined everything.
I should have known you only came to humiliate me with more of your lies.
I didn't bribe William.
You tried.
You said you'd pay me to get people to attend this party.
Because you offered.
This is just all a setup.
The only setup here is whatever you did to manipulate my mother.
You have no proof I did anything wrong.
You'd kick me out of this house, and you can't.
I should have never had you back.
Please, you have to tell everyone that you saw Ivy offer to pay my father.
You're the only proof we have.
I don't know, Serena.
From what I saw, it looked like William was in on it.
He only agreed to take the money to prove that Ivy was defrauding people.
I didn't know his plan either.
That's why I'm the one that sent the tip in to "Gossip Girl.
" Now you're the only one who can fix what I screwed up.
This is your chance to help our family.
Oh, stop saying "our".
I still don't know if I wanna be part of this family.
Is that really how you feel? Or how your mother wants you to? 'Cause she kept you from us your entire life.
She lied to you because she didn't want anyone else to love you, not to mention, she never even told you who your father was.
What does my father have to do with this? Because without him and without her, we're the only family you have left.
And we really need you.
This elevator is so slow.
Feels like it's not even moving.
Did you push the button? I thought you did it.
Ah, you are wasted.
This elevator smells like vodka.
Vodka doesn't smell, and You are drunker than I am.
And I can tell by the fact that you're not hyper-verbal that you are avoiding something.
Well, I can tell by the fact that you drank vodka that you are, too.
Mm.
You first.
Fine.
Fine.
I wasn't 100% honest with you today.
Me neither.
That "wow" really meant "Wow, that was terrible.
" And it was just--it was mind-numbingly boring.
Like the least sexy thing since Courtney Stodden.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know who that is, but it's much worse.
Oh, so what--what are Is our chemistry just purely intellectual? Is it only in our heads? Apparently.
But before we, uh, we--we break up, I just wanna let you know that you were really, really good in my head.
I am really, really good out of it, too.
No.
I don't think so.
Hey, I will prove it to you.
Right--right here in this elevator? Mm.
But people have to go up and down.
Mm, yes, they do.
I'd like to think my night with Pamela Anderson was worth it, but it hasn't seemed to slow me down.
I like to think of myself as the Magic Johnson of Hep-C.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth? And give up a hospital wing in my name? We both know if you wanted one, you'd just buy one.
You're covering for who really gave me the blood-- Elizabeth.
She didn't want you to know, especially, well, after she told you she wasn't your mother.
Well, I guess this proves otherwise once and for all.
I'd like to thank her.
She's unreachable.
I mean, just refer to your previous 20 years on earth.
Let it be.
Does it matter why you're alive? The fact is, you are.
This weekend did remind me how much I value all my senses.
We're all the family we need.
Let's do this again.
My turf next time.
Do I need to call security to escort you out? We're just waiting for the elevator, okay? And we'll be back.
This is our home.
Not anymore.
Tonight made me see why Cece left it all to me.
You're so selfish that you couldn't even honor her for an hour.
I cared about her.
All you care about is ruining me with your lies.
It's not a lie.
Lola.
I heard you offering to pay William myself.
That's exactly the proof we need.
No, it's not.
They're setting me up.
You know I wouldn't do that.
All I know is what I saw, Ivy.
I'll have my lawyers start proceedings to contest the will immediately.
Go ahead.
You don't have a case.
I didn't do anything wrong.
The court will decide that.
In the meantime, your assets will be frozen.
Thank you for coming forward.
I can't believe you're taking their side.
I mean, they're just using you.
And when they're done, they'll throw you out just like they did me.
No, they won't.
They're my family.
Looks like Lola's untangled some knots to form family ties.
Well, this just proves sometimes you gotta throw away the first pancake.
I don't know how breakfast food has anything to do with this, but obviously, this afternoon was an anomaly.
Where to? Rufus and Lily are definitely gonna come back to the loft at some point.
Mm, Serena will be at my place.
I still have that hotel room.
To be haunted by the ghost of bad sex past? You two lovebirds going somewhere or not? I need another drink.
All right.
Uh, take us to Williamsburg, please.
There's a place there.
It's got about 300 whiskeys.
And hopefully a clean bathroom we can use.
Thanks again for coming forward up there.
It's the least I can do after thinking you were conspiring with Ivy.
Sorry about that.
It's hard to know what to think when no one's told you the whole story.
Seriously.
No one's ever told me my whole story.
I used to know your mother pretty well.
And if she's concealing things from you, then it's Probably only to protect you.
Protect me? How did it protect me to grow up alone with no family but her? Hey.
Talk to your mom.
Forgive her.
I messed things up so badly with Serena and Eric, that it took a long time to rebuild the relationship, and they found a place in their hearts to forgive me, but I would never do anything ever again to lose them.
I know.
Parents are human.
Everybody makes mistakes.
What if my dad doesn't even know I exist? What if all he'd want is to know me? I'm sure he does.
Here's your cab.
You catch this one, okay? I'll catch the next.
Thank you.
Good night.
Hey.
I got your text.
What's so important I had to come into the office tonight? "The Spectator's" entire future.
What are you talking about? Mr.
Mackenzie saw the story about Ivy you obviously sent in to "Gossip Girl.
" You knew I hooked him with our exclusive access.
He said if I couldn't deliver on that, he couldn't trust me to deliver on the big things either.
He backed out, Serena.
I'm sorry, Nate.
I-I just wanted to help my family, and you wouldn't let me put it on "The Spectator.
" Yeah, well, that's all well and good, but you're fired.
A-are you kidding me? None of this would have happened if you hadn't taken the story away from me.
Yeah, and I was right not to trust you with it or anything else.
Now I have to go try and save the jobs of the people who still work here.
Spring is the season of rebirth-- a time for change A time to blossom.
I know it's a victory, but what if Ivy pulls an Anna Nicole Smith and takes it to the Supreme Court? This could take years.
Maybe we should look for another place.
We have another place.
No, I mean a more permanent home.
Took me a while to get used to the Upper East Side, too.
Oh.
But there are always late bloomers.
Do you take credit cards? Sorry, miss, we don't.
And some buds are nipped before they can grow.
Whoo! That Japanese whisky went so well with Croque Monsieur.
I told you.
Great things grow in Brooklyn.
Well, now we have the problem of where do we go from here? Uh here looks pretty good.
What? New relationships flourish and take on new form Andrew, you remember the woman with the locket I had you look for a couple years ago? Elizabeth Fisher? Yeah, my mother.
I need to find her again.
While old relationships can be re-examined.
I just left Chuck.
He knows it wasn't my blood.
I think you should come back and handle it yourself.
But some things never change.
This is the Upper East Side, in case you forgot.
Before you say anything, I'm sorry that I told Serena what you saw.
I wanted an honest relationship, and I shouldn't have betrayed your trust.
Thanks.
I'm just glad everything's on the table now.
Yeah.
I don't wanna move, but I know it's my lawyer.
All right, please tell me we have an offer that'll at least keep "The Spectator" afloat.
Yes, I, uh, I do know Diana Payne.
I read your blog, and while you do a pretty good me, you're not the real deal.
So if you'll just hand over the password, I'd like my site back.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
I needed a family member for a blood transfusion, and I gave the doctors Jack's number.
Jack? I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore.
I realized it belongs to someone else.
I've always hesitated going after Lola's father for child support.
Do you know who he is? I'm looking right at him.
It's time to pass the Gossip Girl baton.
Now be a doll and send this for me.
There's stuff on this laptop that'll blow people's minds.
Why did you introduce this girl as your daughter? Who is she? Ivy Dickens.
Your mom hired me to be you.
"As for the rest of my estate, I leave to you, Ivy Dickens.
" I think it'd be best if you left.
I was just gonna say the same thing.
This is my apartment now.
And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
Dear "S by S" readers, it looks like spring has finally sprung, and lucky for us, one thing that hasn't yet popped up is Gossip Girl.
Hopefully my family's unfortunate exile to Brooklyn will pass quietly and with dignity.
What's wrong? I'm perfect as usual And we've been waiting weeks, so Blair.
Oh, God.
I thought you said they were having breakfast with William.
Yes.
Here.
You're welcome to join us.
How could I say no? If I had known this was what you meant when you invited me for a corporate retreat, I might have packed differently.
You didn't need clothes for mistress Katya's blindfolded trust exercise, but I would wear something more suitable when I thank you officially for saving my life.
What, from that arsonist, Russell Thorpe? That was a year ago.
Took you long enough.
No, no, no, I'm referring to the car accident-- your blood donation, after my body rejected the first transfusion, and I needed the family member.
Oh.
That.
Well, I wouldn't be here without you.
I'm eternally grateful.
Yeah, well, I considered letting you die and taking your billions.
That's probably why you let me have all the hot ones last night.
My first gift.
My second is a bit larger.
I've endowed a new wing at the hospital where I was treated.
It's going to be the Jack Bass pavilion.
Tonight is the ribbon cutting ceremony for the renovation.
Seriously? You're not just trying to get me to the hospital to put me in rehab? No, but that said, you might want to get rid of the evidence of last night's exploits before we go.
I'll sleep it off with you and you.
Come on.
Mmm.
Well, I may have made a few too many waffles, but it's only because it's great to be back in my old kitchen.
You mean with the stove with the burners you have to light with a match? It's the quirks-- the little quirks that make it feel like home.
You know, I never knew that the croissants in Brooklyn rivaled Sant Ambroeus.
They don't.
I ran up there this morning.
I also stopped by to see Vanya, who had some packages for me and arranged to have, um, Serena's delivered.
It is ludicrous that we have to go to these lengths to get our own mail.
William, please tell me you found a way to fix this.
Well, there's nothing technically wrong with the will, so as executor, my hands are tied.
The law requires that I remain neutral.
Lily and I have a meeting with Bruce Caplan later.
I think it's best if we get our legal opinions from an expert.
He won't tell you anything different.
William, what are you even still doing here? Uh, Rufus, William, let's not let Ivy drive us apart.
Well, sounds like everyone's got a lot to do today.
I think you should probably get started right away.
Uh, Blair and I can clean up.
I don't-- uh see why you shouldn't all leave immediately, because when you are dealing with a charlatan like Ivy Dickens, time is of the essence.
Did you see what Lily and Serena said about me today in the paper? I don't read the paper.
Not even your boyfriend's? 'Cause that's where it is.
They said my father's fatal overdose sparked my lifetime of criminal behavior.
I'm not a criminal.
You know that.
Well, a year ago, I might have agreed with you, but now Lily has plenty of money.
Cece just wanted me to have some, too.
Ivy, I really think it would be best if you stopped calling me, okay? Lola! Hey, I was just about to call you.
Is there any chance I could interview you for my Ivy Dickens story? I'm sorry, Serena.
I'm really not comfortable getting involved.
You already are involved, never mind what she did to your family, but what she did to you was worst of all.
I mean, she stole your identity.
I really don't wanna talk about it, okay? Especially not in the press.
Okay.
Well, if you change your mind.
I swear that wasn't another botched attempt to get you two together.
She just works here.
I know.
All I wanna do is figure out if I fit into this family, but I don't know how to do that in the middle of a war with Ivy.
Well, did you ever call your uncle William back? He's Cece's executor.
She obviously trusted him a lot.
Maybe he has some ideas.
Yeah, I guess it couldn't hurt to go ask.
Oh.
This coffee is probably cold, and I've just dumped a bunch of my problems in your lap, but I swear I came here with good intentions-- a warm beverage and a little moral support before your big investor meeting.
Thanks.
I'm trying, Carol, but a will is a legal document.
I can't just overturn it because you're blackmailing me.
I don't care what's legal.
I want my inheritance.
You can pay me out of your pocket if it's easier.
You know I can't do that.
I work for a living.
Then get ready for Serena and Eric to hate you when they find out that you fathered my daughter while you were married to their mother.
Lily will never forgive you, and you know that.
You hired someone to play our daughter to keep it secret.
Yes, which should give you some sense of what I'm willing to do to get my money.
Bye! Good luck with the lawyer.
I thought I had a primping problem.
How long does it take two middle-aged people to leave the apartment? At least they're finally gone.
We need to move fast.
I don't know how long this meeting's gonna take.
Well, at least our month of failed intimacy attempts brought to light every possible potential problem.
Oh, yeah, and I moved the condoms from the dresser to the nightstand-- That's one I don't care to relive.
It wasn't as bad as the time my dad and Lily-- Twice.
Three times less than Serena went into our shared bathroom.
Yeah, and how does that housekeeper filling in for Dorota not know how to knock? We can't even escape to a proper pied-a-terre in Manhattan until Georgina gets me my divorce, or my family will have to pay the dowry.
But nothing is in our way now.
Not even another unfortunate unzipping incident.
Oh, my poor Prabal.
Wait.
What? Do you feel that? Uh? It's like someone's watching us.
Um it's just Cedric.
Uh, maybe that'll stop.
Earplugs? Noise-canceling headphones? This came for you.
Thank you so much.
Hey, do you have those numbers for your column? I need them for my meeting.
Yeah, they're on my desk.
Thanks.
Oh, hey, I saw you and Lola earlier.
Maybe you could take it easy on her like she asked.
If you don't mind, I think I'll determine how to handle my family.
Well, it was just a suggestion.
S.
, welcome to your future as Gossip Girl 3.
0.
I wouldn't tell anyone you have this.
Trust me, anonymity is key, and don't pretend you're not intrigued.
We all know there's only one Upper East Side blogger who matters, and it's not S by S.
The power is now in your hands.
Your old friend G.
, singular.
P.
S.
Keep the password to yourself.
The only recourse you really have is if you can prove that Cece wasn't of sound mind when she changed her will.
Everyone we spoke with said that your mother's mind was sharp to the end, even with the gin.
There's no other way to get the court to overturn the will? They'll only grant a hearing and freeze the assets with evidence of wrongdoing on Ivy's part.
Well, she pretended to be my niece.
What could be more wrong than that? Nothing, if Cece had named Charlie Rhodes in her will, but she left everything to Ivy Dickens.
Cece clearly knew who she really was.
At least we have plenty of money and a great place to live while we figure this out.
I'm sorry, Rufus, but I can't see a bright side to a con artist living in my home, debasing my mother's memory.
She did something illegal.
I just have to find it.
I don't understand.
I'm offering to pay you just to show me fabric.
Okay.
Fine.
Having trouble finding a decorator? Or an art consultant or a personal shopper or anyone from the Upper East Side to talk to me.
What's the point of having all this money if no one will let me spend it? Well, perhaps I can be of assistance.
For a percentage of that money, of course.
I'd pay anything to get Lily and Serena to stop blackballing me.
All you have to do is throw a party.
Why? No one will come.
They'll have no choice if it's a benefit to honor the Celia Rhodes Cancer Foundation.
I'll see to that for a healthy fee.
You just can't let anybody know that it was my idea.
You've done a great job building up a full-fledged news source, but with so many other media options, what sets you apart to compete long term? Well, we don't just follow the news.
We're the people involved in it, so we get the stories and perspectives that no one else has access to.
Isn't that Serena Van Der Woodsen? I've seen her in the society pages.
Exactly my point.
Serena.
This is James Mackenzie.
He's considering becoming our new financial partner.
Oh.
It's a pleasure.
Serena's blog is one of "The Spectator's" biggest draws.
I'm just writing a story right now on Ivy Dickens.
That's the woman who inherited everything from your grandmother.
I read about her.
Like I said, Serena's writing from the inside.
She's our generation's Dominick Dunne.
I can't wait to read it.
Nate, you can expect an official offer by tonight.
Thank you, James.
I look forward to working with you.
I'll see myself out.
I hope he means it.
His offer is the only one with the money we need.
So thank you.
I think your Ivy expose helped close the deal.
Is that the story? Oh.
Gossip Girl's back? I think so.
I don't know.
I was just, um, looking up some stuff on Ivy, but there is a new post.
Do you know she's throwing a party tonight in Cece's honor? I can't believe this girl.
She has no shame.
That we knew.
Strange I didn't get the blast yet.
I figured she was still on vacation, whatever that means.
Yeah.
I-I just got it now, so I'm sure you'll get it soon.
Well, let me know what you find on Ivy.
I'm gonna go see how we're doing on that Jack-Bass-saving-Chuck story.
There was no answer in Dr.
Van Der Woodsen's room, so I was wondering if I could leave a message.
Oh.
Actually, never mind.
Lily just R.
S.
V.
P.
'd she's coming.
The plan's working.
And thanks for helping me with the caterer.
You can keep the "thank yous," but I'll take that check you offered.
I still haven't heard from Serena.
Well, that wasn't part of our agreement.
Look, I've lived here long enough to know not to write a check until they actually show up.
I'll see what I can do.
Hey.
If I have to be sober tonight, shouldn't you? I just had an interesting conversation with Nate.
It's about time he confessed his true feelings for you.
"The Spectator" is doing a story on the hospital dedication tonight, and his reporter did some research on you.
Well, if she's having a coronary reading about my history, then I can help her.
I'm about to have my own hospital wing.
Incredibly, it wasn't your fondness of the beer bath at Chodovar or your restraining orders that caught her eye.
It was your time at Eton.
It's an English boarding school.
Everyone tries it.
Schoolboy exploits aside, spending more than 3 months in the U.
K.
from 1980 to 1996 prohibits you from donating blood in this country.
Didn't they ask you about that? Yeah.
They also asked me if I ever used drugs or slept with prostitutes.
I told them what they wanted to hear so I could save your life.
Right.
I should've known better than to expect you to play by the rules.
It's the only way I'm predictable.
I should get to the hospital, make sure everything's ready for tonight.
I'll see you there.
I'll just drink enough to behave normally.
How'd your meeting go? I should have the official offer tonight.
Oh, that's great.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
You're a good actress, but that smile doesn't look real.
What's wrong? Not to sound tacky, but can I ask you a rich person question? I put my extensive knowledge of privilege fully at your disposal.
Well, when I went to go see William, I ended up overhearing Ivy offering him money.
He's the executor of Cece's will, so that's sketchy, right? A beneficiary is not allowed to reward an executor.
It would call the entire inheritance into question if he was working for her.
Do you think William would really do that to his family, though? Well, William's history isn't exactly pristine.
He's been known to con people and so is Ivy.
I mean, this would be grounds to contest the will in court.
I think you have to tell Serena.
I have to think about it.
And I have to get to class, too.
Let's just keep this between us for now, okay? Yeah.
Okay.
Let me guess.
You're redecorating.
I know that the jewelry mother left me is here somewhere.
I can't believe I have to go to a benefit for my mother as a guest at my home.
You sure you don't want me there for moral support? No, you've so been looking forward to this magnetic fields concert, and let's be honest.
I fake a happy face better than you do.
I just wanted to wear something of Cece's to remind everyone who her true daughter really is.
Hmm.
Will, uh, this necklace work? It's perfect.
Thank you.
Mm.
I know how hard this has been, Lil.
Um, so if it helps, I decided to buy us a little privacy.
You reconsidered about the hotel? Well, just for tonight, to start.
Oh, that's great, and then once we realize it's easier, we can always extend.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna pack.
No.
You don't need any more stress.
That's why I got the room for Dan.
I should take this for the loft.
I don't know how I didn't think of that sooner.
And us entering separately eliminated the threat of anyone seeing us together.
Alas, no car alarms.
There's no construction.
No friends, no housekeepers, or family to interrupt.
I think I forgot the champagne at your place.
We don't need it or this conversation.
Let's hope good flings come to those who wait.
Wow.
Yeah.
My words exactly.
Well, it was only one word.
One's all you need, really.
Yeah.
Well, I would love to stay for seconds, but I should really get back home and make sure that fake Dorota doesn't put my Lemaire cashmere in the washer again.
Well, it's understandable.
Well, I-I mean, anyway, we're both Going to that horrible Ivy thing tonight, right? I mean, that's the only reason why we had to finish in such a timely fashion.
Yeah, family obligations are important.
Right.
Well I'll see you over Tacky aperitifs.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Bass.
There must be a misspelling or a glitch in the system.
I can't find your file.
All my records are missing? I was on duty the night of your accident, but the only Bass that came up in my search is first name Jack.
Oh, his records are fine, too, actually.
Except I'm not allowed to show you another patient's information.
Of course.
I'm just trying to find out some specifics about his blood donation that saved my life.
I was hoping to mention them when I dedicate the new wing in his honor.
He's the one who gave you blood? I don't understand.
I'm sorry.
I can't discuss someone else's chart.
So I'll stop asking you, too.
Could you let director Brancolini know that I'm here? I'd like to speak with him before the ceremony.
My pleasure.
I don't understand.
If Lola saw my dad take money from Ivy, then why didn't she tell me herself? You know this is complicated for her.
I just thought you deserved to know, and this way, Lola doesn't have to be in the middle of anything.
Oh, yeah, but instead she'll just accuse my dad of taking bribes.
Look, he would never do something like that.
Lola just must have heard wrong.
I don't think she did, but don't worry.
I'm not gonna write anything until I confirm it.
You're not gonna write anything? What are you talking about? This is my article.
You're too close, Serena.
I'm sorry.
I can't take a chance on the article that hooked Mackenzie.
Hey, dad.
I-I'm so glad it's you.
I wanted to ask you something.
Great.
Let's chat at Ivy Dickens' party tonight.
I wasn't planning on going to that.
Why on earth are you? I know how you feel about her, but it is a benefit to honor your grandmother.
I felt we should all be there as a family.
Um okay.
You know what, dad? Um I guess you're right.
I'll be there at 7:30.
Great.
All right, love.
Serena's coming.
All we need now is for Ivy to write that check.
Yes, our proof she's engaging in illegal activity.
The court will have to agree to hear our case.
Ticktock, Upper East Siders.
This time bomb is about to send Ivy's party up in smoke.
I thought it was crank call when you say that you come to Queens.
Why? You know my manners are impeccable, even if it means crossing into unsavory areas to give you a baby gift.
You weren't there to wrap it, so This is re-gift from your wedding to prince, not present for Leo.
Well, everyone brings the child a gift, but no one needs champagne more than a new mother.
You must have something to break these in with.
This will do.
Hey, I'll be here.
Thanks.
Hey, man.
I was just in the neighborhood.
Thought I'd stop by to see if you, uh, you wanted to grab a drink or you know what? We could just drink here.
I figure you must have something, unless you haven't honored our "Be like Don Draper" pact.
Does this sudden onset alcoholism have something to do with Blair? No.
Uh, Blair's great.
It's perfectly normal for a new relationship to need time to find its, uh, its groove.
The sex was bad, wasn't it? It happened to you, too? It must be her, then.
That makes me feel a lot better.
Now that you drink, spill.
What Mr.
Lonely Boy do? Don't tell me the anatomical reason he always so lonely? Dorota! No! Everything was physically appealing, but the problem wasn't the man.
It was the deed.
You see, I didn't have any technical difficulties.
It was just inexplicably terrible.
Hmm, sounds like a classic case of the Dan Humphrey overthink.
All right, so what if after the build-up, that aspect of the relationship doesn't work? Maybe he nervous.
What he say when you tell him sex only so-so? Well, what did Blair say about it? Nothing at all.
Oh, you mean after you lied and told her how great it was? Honesty is your only shot at making this any better.
Well, it would've been impolite, and I didn't want to upset him.
Upset is only the beginning if you say nothing.
It take honest communication to turn Vanya from boy to man in bedroom.
I'm gonna need another drink to forget I just heard that.
You need to go talk to her.
Okay.
Just after one more drink.
You're looking for answer in wrong borough.
You need to talk to Mr.
Lonely Boy.
Fine.
But I'm gonna need a stronger buzz to enter Ivy's party.
We're only good friends.
Wine? Oh.
Red wine at a cocktail party.
Excuse me.
Why? What's wrong with it? Well, you don't serve red when people are moving around.
If they were to spill Well, I trust my guests, including you.
Thank you for coming.
Yes, well, you know quite well that I would not miss a chance to honor my mother.
I miss her, too.
I know she would want us to be close, so I was hoping we could respect her wishes by talking again.
We used to have such a wonderful relationship.
Yes, yes, under, uh, false pretenses.
Then let this be our fresh start.
Um, excuse me.
Could we have a picture, please? For Cece.
Since when do ribbon cuttings involve crippled kids? I wouldn't call him crippled to his face.
Sorry, kid, but let's face it.
You're crippled.
Michael, meet Jack.
Don't touch me.
After hearing about his brave battle with leukemia, I decided a blood drive would be a much better symbol of your heroism than a simple ribbon cutting.
Well, another needle in the arm doesn't sound like a celebration, unless it's putting something in.
We can celebrate properly later.
He's ready.
Okay, you know I can't give that kid my blood, so Go away.
Thank you, Michael.
Tell your agent the check's in the mail.
You played me with a fake kid? No, the kid's real.
He's just not sick.
But you are-- with hepatitis.
Since I don't have it, I know you didn't give me blood.
It's the only way I could get you to admit it.
So I guess this is the end of the Jack Bass Wing.
Well, we can discuss that after you tell me the truth.
Looks like you're having a stellar debut.
Which means I did my job.
Yes.
Thank you.
And I will write you that check just after I talk to Lauren San Domingo.
I can't believe she came.
Hey.
How you holding up? Well, seeing our home taken over by Florida trash is torture, but I'm taking it in stride.
It'll all be over soon.
She offered your father a bribe.
How do you know that? Well, William told me right after she did it.
Luckily, he thought quickly and he accepted, knowing it was the ammunition we need to take her case to court.
He'll likely be removed as executor, but he's willing to make that sacrifice for us.
Mom, that's that's amazing, but what are you waiting for? Ivy hasn't written your father a check yet.
Hopefully it'll be any minute.
Now look, I know how much you dislike her, but don't say anything yet.
We don't wanna spook her.
That's just what I was thinking.
You know, I just realized I have an 8:00 deadline.
Um, I hope she didn't pack up my old computer.
Excuse me.
Oh, Serena.
Hi, Mr.
Cavett.
Oh, you look like a million bucks before taxes.
Oh, thank you.
As the late Bob Hope would say Oh, seriously, though, I was so sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing.
She was such a-- how would you say-- such a--such an original woman, wouldn't you say? Oh, yes.
Well, thank you.
Dan.
Blair, hey.
What are you doing here? I'm, um same as you.
I'm just going to-- going to the party.
So let's go up, instead of staying here and talking 'cause there's nothing to talk about.
Yeah.
I agree.
There's nothing at all.
I hope she has a full bar.
Yeah.
Mm, me, too.
Oh, Serena, go easier on me in your column from now on.
Oh, you gotta stop being so scandalous.
Look, I can't miss this deadline.
Take care.
Oh, Serena, I've been looking for you everywhere.
Now's not a good time.
It's about Ivy.
I would love to talk about her, but I just have to do something before 8:00.
You can steal money, but you can't steal class.
Looks like Ivy's poisoned what little remained of her good will.
Last I heard, it was illegal to bribe an executor.
That's what I wanted to tell you.
I guess Gossip Girl got to it first.
And ruined everything.
I should have known you only came to humiliate me with more of your lies.
I didn't bribe William.
You tried.
You said you'd pay me to get people to attend this party.
Because you offered.
This is just all a setup.
The only setup here is whatever you did to manipulate my mother.
You have no proof I did anything wrong.
You'd kick me out of this house, and you can't.
I should have never had you back.
Please, you have to tell everyone that you saw Ivy offer to pay my father.
You're the only proof we have.
I don't know, Serena.
From what I saw, it looked like William was in on it.
He only agreed to take the money to prove that Ivy was defrauding people.
I didn't know his plan either.
That's why I'm the one that sent the tip in to "Gossip Girl.
" Now you're the only one who can fix what I screwed up.
This is your chance to help our family.
Oh, stop saying "our".
I still don't know if I wanna be part of this family.
Is that really how you feel? Or how your mother wants you to? 'Cause she kept you from us your entire life.
She lied to you because she didn't want anyone else to love you, not to mention, she never even told you who your father was.
What does my father have to do with this? Because without him and without her, we're the only family you have left.
And we really need you.
This elevator is so slow.
Feels like it's not even moving.
Did you push the button? I thought you did it.
Ah, you are wasted.
This elevator smells like vodka.
Vodka doesn't smell, and You are drunker than I am.
And I can tell by the fact that you're not hyper-verbal that you are avoiding something.
Well, I can tell by the fact that you drank vodka that you are, too.
Mm.
You first.
Fine.
Fine.
I wasn't 100% honest with you today.
Me neither.
That "wow" really meant "Wow, that was terrible.
" And it was just--it was mind-numbingly boring.
Like the least sexy thing since Courtney Stodden.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know who that is, but it's much worse.
Oh, so what--what are Is our chemistry just purely intellectual? Is it only in our heads? Apparently.
But before we, uh, we--we break up, I just wanna let you know that you were really, really good in my head.
I am really, really good out of it, too.
No.
I don't think so.
Hey, I will prove it to you.
Right--right here in this elevator? Mm.
But people have to go up and down.
Mm, yes, they do.
I'd like to think my night with Pamela Anderson was worth it, but it hasn't seemed to slow me down.
I like to think of myself as the Magic Johnson of Hep-C.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth? And give up a hospital wing in my name? We both know if you wanted one, you'd just buy one.
You're covering for who really gave me the blood-- Elizabeth.
She didn't want you to know, especially, well, after she told you she wasn't your mother.
Well, I guess this proves otherwise once and for all.
I'd like to thank her.
She's unreachable.
I mean, just refer to your previous 20 years on earth.
Let it be.
Does it matter why you're alive? The fact is, you are.
This weekend did remind me how much I value all my senses.
We're all the family we need.
Let's do this again.
My turf next time.
Do I need to call security to escort you out? We're just waiting for the elevator, okay? And we'll be back.
This is our home.
Not anymore.
Tonight made me see why Cece left it all to me.
You're so selfish that you couldn't even honor her for an hour.
I cared about her.
All you care about is ruining me with your lies.
It's not a lie.
Lola.
I heard you offering to pay William myself.
That's exactly the proof we need.
No, it's not.
They're setting me up.
You know I wouldn't do that.
All I know is what I saw, Ivy.
I'll have my lawyers start proceedings to contest the will immediately.
Go ahead.
You don't have a case.
I didn't do anything wrong.
The court will decide that.
In the meantime, your assets will be frozen.
Thank you for coming forward.
I can't believe you're taking their side.
I mean, they're just using you.
And when they're done, they'll throw you out just like they did me.
No, they won't.
They're my family.
Looks like Lola's untangled some knots to form family ties.
Well, this just proves sometimes you gotta throw away the first pancake.
I don't know how breakfast food has anything to do with this, but obviously, this afternoon was an anomaly.
Where to? Rufus and Lily are definitely gonna come back to the loft at some point.
Mm, Serena will be at my place.
I still have that hotel room.
To be haunted by the ghost of bad sex past? You two lovebirds going somewhere or not? I need another drink.
All right.
Uh, take us to Williamsburg, please.
There's a place there.
It's got about 300 whiskeys.
And hopefully a clean bathroom we can use.
Thanks again for coming forward up there.
It's the least I can do after thinking you were conspiring with Ivy.
Sorry about that.
It's hard to know what to think when no one's told you the whole story.
Seriously.
No one's ever told me my whole story.
I used to know your mother pretty well.
And if she's concealing things from you, then it's Probably only to protect you.
Protect me? How did it protect me to grow up alone with no family but her? Hey.
Talk to your mom.
Forgive her.
I messed things up so badly with Serena and Eric, that it took a long time to rebuild the relationship, and they found a place in their hearts to forgive me, but I would never do anything ever again to lose them.
I know.
Parents are human.
Everybody makes mistakes.
What if my dad doesn't even know I exist? What if all he'd want is to know me? I'm sure he does.
Here's your cab.
You catch this one, okay? I'll catch the next.
Thank you.
Good night.
Hey.
I got your text.
What's so important I had to come into the office tonight? "The Spectator's" entire future.
What are you talking about? Mr.
Mackenzie saw the story about Ivy you obviously sent in to "Gossip Girl.
" You knew I hooked him with our exclusive access.
He said if I couldn't deliver on that, he couldn't trust me to deliver on the big things either.
He backed out, Serena.
I'm sorry, Nate.
I-I just wanted to help my family, and you wouldn't let me put it on "The Spectator.
" Yeah, well, that's all well and good, but you're fired.
A-are you kidding me? None of this would have happened if you hadn't taken the story away from me.
Yeah, and I was right not to trust you with it or anything else.
Now I have to go try and save the jobs of the people who still work here.
Spring is the season of rebirth-- a time for change A time to blossom.
I know it's a victory, but what if Ivy pulls an Anna Nicole Smith and takes it to the Supreme Court? This could take years.
Maybe we should look for another place.
We have another place.
No, I mean a more permanent home.
Took me a while to get used to the Upper East Side, too.
Oh.
But there are always late bloomers.
Do you take credit cards? Sorry, miss, we don't.
And some buds are nipped before they can grow.
Whoo! That Japanese whisky went so well with Croque Monsieur.
I told you.
Great things grow in Brooklyn.
Well, now we have the problem of where do we go from here? Uh here looks pretty good.
What? New relationships flourish and take on new form Andrew, you remember the woman with the locket I had you look for a couple years ago? Elizabeth Fisher? Yeah, my mother.
I need to find her again.
While old relationships can be re-examined.
I just left Chuck.
He knows it wasn't my blood.
I think you should come back and handle it yourself.
But some things never change.
This is the Upper East Side, in case you forgot.
Before you say anything, I'm sorry that I told Serena what you saw.
I wanted an honest relationship, and I shouldn't have betrayed your trust.
Thanks.
I'm just glad everything's on the table now.
Yeah.
I don't wanna move, but I know it's my lawyer.
All right, please tell me we have an offer that'll at least keep "The Spectator" afloat.
Yes, I, uh, I do know Diana Payne.
I read your blog, and while you do a pretty good me, you're not the real deal.
So if you'll just hand over the password, I'd like my site back.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.