Hey Arnold! (1996) s05e18 Episode Script

1
MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey, Arnold!
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey, Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
(HONKING)
He's here.
He's here!
(LAUGHING)
W Hey, watch it!
What's all this?
Who's here?
The race horse.
What race horse?
The one that Ernie,
Mr. Hyunh and Oskar
each put in $200 to buy
so they can race him
at the track.
Ernie just picked him up.
Well, this I gotta see.
Gentlemen, say hello
to our new acquisition
the champion race horse,
Glueboy!
Glueboy?
Oh! He is so beautiful.
(LAUGHING)
I'm counting
the money now.
He is going
to win every race.
It's kind of a weird looking
horse, isn't it?
What are you
talking about weird?
This happens to be
a racing horse.
A champion racing horse.
That's not a horse.
Look at those rabbit ears.
That's a mule.
You're crazy. You're a mule.
It's a horse,
and what's more,
it's a racing horse.
Bred to win. Go on,
show 'em, Glueboy.
Neigh and whinny
like the horse you are,
come on.
Neigh!
(CRUNCHING)
(BRAYING)
I told you.
How could you idiots
buy a mule, and figure
it was a race horse?
(CACKLING)
What a pack
of chuckleheads.
Ernie, you said
it was a horse.
I gave you $200!
You have to take him back.
I can't take him back.
The man said, "No refunds."
Oh, how could you
be so foolish?
Okay, okay, so maybe
he's not a horse.
But he's till bred for racing,
and they race mules.
See, there's a mule race
coming up in a few weeks.
And the prize is three grand.
Well, I guess since
I already spent $200
of Suzie's money
to buy the dumb mule,
it wouldn't hurt
if we train him
for the big race.
Yes. Okay.
(BRAYING)
(CRASHING)
The first step
in training
your race horse,
I guess it's the same
for a mule,
is to establish a firm control
over the animal.
Al right, Glueboy.
Let's get something straight.
I'm the boss,
and you're the mule.
Got it?
You tell him, Ernie.
(BRAYING)
(GROANING)
Are you the boss now?
(LAUGHING)
Heel! Heel! Heel!
Heel!
Okay
(SCREAMING)
Well, if he hates people
and won't let anybody
ride him,
how can we race him?
We can't. He's a dumb donkey,
and that's all
he will ever be.
He will never be
a champion.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Maybe we can take an ad
out of the racing form,
and try and unload him
on some other chumps.
Why don't we just sell him
to the glue factory?
No! That is too cruel.
How much do you think
they'll pay?
(CHUCKLES) Good boy.
Nice donkey.
(MULE WHIMPERING)
Ernie, Ernie, look!
What? What do you want?
Yeah, I see.
What's the big deal?
Arnold's petting Glueboy,
and the mule's loving it.
The mule's loving it.
The mule's loving it!
He hates people,
but he loves Arnold.
Yeah, he is
an Arnold-loving mule.
This is perfect. Hold on.
He's a nice mule, huh?
Yeah, mules are great animals.
Boy, and Glueboy
really seems to like you.
You know what mules love?
They love to give kids rides.
What do you say, Arnold,
hop on up and
take a ride
on Glueboy.
But I've never even
ridden a horse.
Except that pony
at Ronald's birthday party
when I was five.
And it threw me.
I know for sure
that this mule
won't throw you.
It loves you
like a brother.
Look at him.
Okay.
ERNIE:
Boy, Arnold, you look
like a real pro up there,
a real professional jockey.
Speaking of which,
wanna be our jockey
for the big mule race
coming up?
Me? A jockey?
Sure. Come on, why not?
I mean, Glueboy here
likes you,
and you like him, right?
So, hey, who gets hurt?
Be our jockey for the race.
What do you say?
Please!
It will be fun.
Do it for Glueboy.
It's just one stinkin'
little race. Please.
We need you.
Okay, I'll try.
Now, Glueboy boy,
we're training
for a big race here.
When I say go, you run
like the wind. Got it?
Go!
Faster, faster,
run like the wind.
Eh, he's running
more like a slow breeze.
I'm not so crazy
about this idea.
Just run. Ready, go!
(OSKAR CRYING)
He's doing good.
Look at him go.
I think he's going to win.
(CHEERING)
(BRAYING)
(GROANING)
Oh!
(BRAYING)
(CRYING)
(CHEERING)
Oh, no fair!
He cheated. I want to do over.
OSKAR: Oh, come on, Suzie,
Please, just $100.
Absolutely not, Oskar.
I'm not going to
let you throw away $100
on some silly mule race.
But he's a really fast mule.
If we bet $100,
we can make thousands
when we win the race.
We'll be rolling it in.
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry, Oskar.
Eh
ERNIE: Here's your
registration fee,
and here is your form.
Wait a minute.
Is this real money?
(LAUGHING)
Just kidding, Chum.
But Russell,
hello!
(GIGGLING)
Do you know the Champ? he's
the best mule rider
in the country.
She's 100% right, Champs.
I am the best
and have been for years.
So, who's this mule of yours
I'll be leaving in the dust
when I win Sunday's race?
His name is Glueboy.
Glueboy? (CACKLING)
I know that flea-bit nag.
He must be 100 years old.
Hey, come down
of your high horse, Blueboy.
Ooh! Oh, yes, sir.
Mr. Amateur sir.
(LAUGHING)
You misguided losers.
Throwing your time
and money away.
Can't wait to beat you
on Sunday, tata!
(LAUGHING)
Glueboy.
He's gonna run
like a champion.
You'll see.
Our mule is in great shape!
Our mule's in terrible shape.
ARNOLD: What could
have happened?
HYUNH:
Something made him sick.
Yeah, but what?
We gave him water.
And oats.
And alfalfa.
And protein shakes.
ALL: Protein shakes?
Mr. Kokoshka,
this is a laxative.
How many cans
did you give him?
Only 16.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
(MULE WHIMPERING)
(FARTING)
(CRASHING)
ERNIE: Well, that's about it.
We tried everything,
and he's not getting
any better.
Looks like we're gonna have
to forfeit the race tomorrow.
So long, $3000.
There must be
something we can do.
I know. We can sell him
to the glue factory.
That's it, Kokoshka.
Out!
I mean, out!
Don't listen to Oskar.
He's only kidding
about the glue factory.
Tell you what,
I'll stay up
with you tonight.
(WHIMPERING)
It'll be fun.
Like a sleepover.
(BUBBLING)
There, feeling better?
(BRAYING SOFTLY)
I know, I'll sing you
a song, okay?
That's how Grandma
cheers me up.
Let's see,
what does she sing?
The old gray mare
She ain't what she used to be
Maybe that's not
the right song.
How about this one?
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
my sunshine away
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(RUSTLING)
Glueboy?
(BRAYING)
You're okay!
Mr. Potts, Mr. Hyunh,
Mr. Kokoshka.
He's okay.
It's a miracle!
Hurray!
Yeah, but can he race?
What do you think?
You wanna race today?
(BRAYING)
All right!
Get the saddles,
grab the silt,
bring the trailer around.
We've got us
a race to win.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen,
welcome to today's
very exciting
gray white mule racing event.
We're only moments
from post time.
Well, Glueboy's
never looked better.
Yes, he looks
like a true champion.
(RUSSELL LAUGHING)
Oh, look, it's
100-year-old has been.
Or should I say, "Never was!"
We'll show you, fancy pants.
Yes, he's right.
We will show you.
Glueboy's going to win.
The only thing
Glueboy's going to win
is a trip to the glue factory.
(LAUGHING)
Rumpled old knack.
(BRAYING)
Well, this is it, kid.
Just do your best.
Ladies, and gentlemen,
the mules are now
at the starting gate.
Na-na-na na na!
Don't pay any
attention to him, Glueboy.
We can win this.
ANNOUNCER: And they're off.
(BELL RINGING)
Glueboy, you're stuck!
Down the straightaway,
it's Jonesy by a length.
On the outside,
it's Mules Rush In.
Hey, where the heck are they?
Where's Glueboy?
Look, that mangy mule
didn't even leave the gate yet.
Oh, no, this is terrible.
ANNOUNCER: Apparently, Glueboy
is having a little trouble
back at the gate.
Looks like he's out
of this one, folks.
He's out?
Yeah, out.
As in 200 clams right there
in the crapper.
Eh
Come on, Glueboy,
we can do this.
On three, we'll both
pull, okay?
One, two, three!
Into the first turn,
it's Russell Bane,
and his champion mule
Chompsy, by two length.
I guess it's a good thing
you didn't let me
bet on the race.
Actually, Oskar,
I did bet the money.
What?
After I saw Arnold
on that cute little mule,
I just couldn't help myself.
Come on, Glueboy, run!
ANNOUNCER:
Wait a minute.
It looks like Glueboy
has decided to
join the race after all.
He's got 40 lengths to make up.
but he's tearing
down the straightway
at a remarkable speed.
Hey!
You hear that?
He's back in it!
Yeah!
Move to the middle, kumiko!
Go, Glueboy!
Get moving, you big crazy
(LAUGHING)
You can do it! Go!
Go! Go!
This is absolutely
amazing, folks.
Glueboy has come
from way behind
to take the second place,
but he can't.
Hey, what are you doing?
It's called handicapping, son.
Ever heard of it?
(BRAYING)
(LAUGHING)
Chump!
ANNOUNCER: The mules
move into the home stretch.
Russell Banes in number seven
regains the lead.
What's he doing now?
He's falling back.
He's falling back!
That's no good!
Come on, Glueboy,
come on, Arnold.
Come on, Glueboy,
I know you can do this.
(BRAYING)
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
ANNOUNCER: Well
it's not over yet.
Here comes number 13
on the outside.
As they approach
the finish line,
our mules are neck and neck.
Glueboy, Jonesy,
Glueboy, Jonesy,
and they hit the wire,
Glueboy by a nose!
Glueboy wins the race.
(CHEERING)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Well, as you know,
tomorrow is your
mother's birthday.
And I wanted to show you
the fun-tastic gift
I bought her.
Aha-ha.
It's a genuine Moscow mink.
Yes, I can't wait
to see mother's face
light up tomorrow
when we give it to her.
Oh, Daddy, it's exquisite.
Just so so lovely.
Don't peep a word to her
about this rare pelt.
Well, it's school time
for you, Rhonda dear.
Now give Daddy a kiss,
as I, too, must dash.
BOTH: Mwah!
Imagine me
wearing that magnificent coat.
Do I dare?
Oh, it's drop-dead gorgeous.
Perhaps I could wear it
to tonight's art show
at school.
Daddy will never know.
I'll sneak the mink
into school in a bag,
and sneak it back home.
What could go wrong?
(CHATTERING)
It looks like
a scrambled egg
on a turtle's back.
(RHONDA CLEARING THROAT)
New duds, Rhonda?
Oh, you mean
this genuine mink?
It's been in the family
for years.
Rhonda, are you
at all aware
that your wearing of
that genuine fur flies
right in the face
of the pre-dominant,
And I think sensible belief
that it is cruel to massacre
poor innocent minks, ermines,
and other weasels
just or material satisfaction?
Yeah, what did the weasel
ever do to you?
Ooh, you pretty princess.
Your mink is so soft,
so inviting.
Ugh! Get away
from me, you creep!
Tonight's our night, Rhonda.
I can feel it in the air.
Listen, you slimy
piece of ick,
I don't like you.
So stop touching my coat
with your grimy hands.
I just want to be
closer to you, Rhonda.
I want to be your boyfriend.
Boyfriend?
I will never ever have
anything to do
with you, Curly. Ever!
(SNAPS)
The artwork was okay,
though I'd have to say
my coat was the piece
de resistance.
(CRUNCHING)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, no, no, no!
I can't believe this.
My mother's mink.
It's bee okay, Rhonda.
It isn't going to be okay.
My dad's going to kill me.
This is my mother's
birthday present.
Oh!
I can help you, Rhonda.
Curly, not now!
I'm in crisis.
You don't understand, Rhonda.
I'm going to save your life.
My parents own
the big dry cleaner's
on Lexington.
A dry cleaner's?
That's right. I can
get your mink coat
looking new and fresh.
But I need it
by tomorrow morning.
Then Curly's your only hope.
You mean you can
definitely clean this tonight?
Yes, I can.
And the price
you'll have to pay
won't be that bad.
I can get you cash
in the morning.
I don't want your money.
Here's the deal.
Curly cleans the fur,
and you, Rhonda,
all you have to do
is pretend to be
Curly's girlfriend
for a week.
Gross! No way.
Absolutely not.
You want a clean fur,
don't you?
It's either Curly,
or facing your parents
with a red stained coat.
What do I have to do?
After you get
the clean mink
to your parents,
you put on
a good show at school
that you're my girl
till three o'clock on Friday.
Nine o'clock.
Two o'clock.
Ten o'clock.
Twelve noon.
Deal.
Twelve noon,
I get to dump you.
Sure, Friday at noon, that is
if you haven't fallen
completely in love
with me by then.
(SCOFFS)
As if
I'll take a couple
of pictures
so you don't
back out the deal.
Well, let's clean
this coat of yours,
girlfriend.
(SIZZLING)
CURLY: So, let's review.
When I say, "Rhonda,
my love,"
you say,
"Yes, Cutie pie."
And when I do this
I know, I say,
"You and me, Baby.
"You and me forever."
Good good. And throw in
a lot of "You sweet thing,"
and "How can I
deny our love," and
"Curly I'm so lucky
to be your girl."
Ugh. My life is over!
Come on, sweety.
You'll see, by the end
of the week,
that I'll grow on you,
and you'll want
to be my girlfriend.
CURLY: Over here,
sweet Rhonda.
I saved
a seat for you.
I've missed you so, my love.
Tell me you are
my girlfriend.
(WHISPERING)
I'm your girlfriend.
Sing it out, honey,
so all can hear.
I'm your girlfriend.
That's right, folks,
Rhonda's my girlfriend.
Curly, and Rhonda?
Willikers!
You can say that again.
Willikers.
Maybe we should do this
someplace else.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
Smile and say few
of your lines.
Oh, Curly, I'm so lucky
I'm your girl.
So what's the deal, princess?
You actually
like this guy?
Yes, with all my heart.
It's me and Curly forever.
Willikers.
CURLY:
I have a special
present for you
that I want you to wear.
There is no way
I'm wearing that shirt.
I can't believe
I'm wearing this shirt.
I guess it's official now.
I've never seen Curly happier.
Look, dear.
Another present from me,
your boyfriend.
It's worth a thousand
I love yous,
don't you think?
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
So Curly, how's Ms. Rhonda?
She's marvelous,
stupendous, the tops.
It's been the happiest
week of my life.
That's great, Curly.
Hello, my love.
I've saved you half
of my sandwich.
Wanna sit down?
I'll feed it to you.
Oh, I don't think
that'll be necessary,
loverboy.
Because today is Friday.
And in approximately
30 seconds,
our deal's over.
And I don't have to pretend
to be your girlfriend anymore.
Oh come on, Rhonda.
You know you've
grown to adore me.
Curly, you're a low-down
despicable creep.
It's over between us.
I never wanna
speak to you again.
Now crawl back
under the rock
you came out of.
You slug.
You okay, Curly?
(SNIFFING)
(SIGHING)
Gosh, Curly sure is forlorn.
He's been staring
at that T-shirt
for hours.
I reckon I feel mighty sorry
for the guy, Arnold,
on account of
how he's been
used and abused
by Rhonda.
Is this seat taken?
I'm afraid you're
gonna have to find
some other seat.
I don't sit with no
heart-breaking harpies.
Oh please, now we're
supposed to feel
sorry for Curly?
Criminy, what
a pathetic display.
I'm afraid I have
to agree, Helga.
Guess Ms. Rich and Fancy
over there really did
a number on him.
May I borrow
the black paint?
Perfect, it'll match
the color of your heart.
Excuse me?
You heard me, Cruella.
Unbelievable.
ARNOLD: Curly, do you wanna
eat anything?
You're just sitting there.
Curly is a broken man.
The only that's gonna
heal the poor fella's
wounds is time.
ARNOLD: I guess you're right.
You ladies wanna join me?
As a matter of fact,
we don't.
That's it. I've had it.
RHONDA: All right, socky,
I want you to listen up,
'cause I'm only gonna
say this once.
Ever since our
imaginary relationship
and pretend breakup,
it appears that everyone has
for whatever insane reason,
decided to feel
sorry for you,
and shun me.
And let me tell you, pal.
I simply cannot have that.
After all, I'm
the most popular girl
in the class.
It's my job
to cast people out
and tear them down,
not the other way around.
And so, starting tomorrow,
you're gonna stop
your pathetic moping,
and help me win back
some sympathy.
I am?
Yes.
By being my boyfriend again.
You mean
you want me back?
Just until everyone
rejoins team Rhonda.
Oh, sweet pea,
I won't let you down!
(THUDS)
Good, now get off my leg.
RHONDA: Oh Curly.
I'm just so lucky
to be your girl
once again.
ARNOLD: curly and Rhonda,
back together?
Willikers.
What a roller coaster
ride of a romance.
And here I thought
Rhonda was just one of them
unfeeling, love 'em
and leave 'em types.
But go figure.
The girl's got
a heart after all.
Ugh!
Look dear, I've had
a photo of myself
framed for you,
my boyfriend.
It is worth
a thousand I love yous,
don't you think?
Well, what do you know.
The evil princess
had a change of heart.
Perhaps she isn't
so ruthless after all.
RHONDA: Here, precious.
I have something
I would like you to wear.
Oh mama, it's heavenly.
What are you waiting for,
little love bug.
Put it on for all to see.
Now that's what
I call true love.
I'll treasure it
always, my pet.
(KISSING)
(GASPING)
(SCREAMING)
I mean
Excuse me, I have to run
to the ladies room.
Oh! Why? Why?
Why does it have to be me?
Why couldn't
someone else
have borrowed
their mother's mink jacket
and be in this
disgusting situation?
I mean, could he
be any grosser?
But then again,
if I don't go through
with this,
everyone will hate me
because I broke
the little freak's heart.
Time to buck up, Rhonda,
after all, aside from that one,
highly nauseating kiss,
this really isn't
going so badly.
Perhaps, by the end
of the day,
you might even be
back on top.
All you gotta do is
stick to the plan,
then find a way
to dump the little troll.
Why, hello,
my little buttercup.
I saved you a seat.
Forget it, babe.
It's over.
I did some thinking, see.
And it turns out
you're a lousy girlfriend.
Pardon?
You heard me, girlie.
And that's why I've decided
to dump you.
That's right, princess.
Girly's giving you
the old heave-ho, the boot.
The kick to
the proverbial curb.
From this moment on,
you and me are history.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
Willikers.
That fella sure got
a heart of stone.
Poor Rhonda.
Can't imagine what
she could've done
to deserve that.
I can't believe
you did that for me.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Oh, get serious, Curly.
I know what you did
in the cafeteria wasn't real.
I mean, there's no way
you'd ever dump me.
You're crazy about me.
That's true.
So what's the deal?
I don't know,
I just figured
you were suffering.
You know,
a saucy specimen like you
pretending to like
a guy like me.
So I let you off the hook.
Well, thank you, Curly.
That was very nice of you.
I guess you acting
like a total freak sometime
is just your way
of showing me
how much you care.
And the truth is,
I think you're
Well, you're an okay guy.
Thanks.
So give me
a lock of your hair
to keep under my pillow.
Aah! That is
unbelievably gross!
Is it? Or does it thrill you?
Aah!
Stop! You're crazy!
(CURLY LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(MUSIC PLAYING)