Regular Show (2010) s05e18 Episode Script
Portable Toilet
Alright, Rigby.
Would you rather Comb your hair with a hot dog or have feet for hands? Feet for hands! feet for hands! Run twice as fast.
- But how would you play video games? - Feet for hands! Your turn, Mordecai.
Would you rather live on a houseboat made of garbage or eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Portable toilet.
You'd really do that? Over a garbage houseboat, obviously.
It'd smell bad, and then the water would make it smell more.
And then you've just got a big pile of wet garbage.
So, you're saying you would eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Yes.
Just so happens I've got my sandwich right here.
And what's that over there? Oh, time to put your sandwich where your mouth is! You can't be serious.
What a coincidence.
My sandwich is chicken, too.
She's got you there, Mordecai.
Are you daring me? 'Cause if you're gonna dare me, just dare me.
'All right.
I dare you.
So we're just changing games now.
Fine, then.
Wait! How will we know if you actually do it? Right.
It's not a legitimate dare without a credible witness.
Fine.
I'll be the incredible witness.
So, were you planning that the whole time, or Nah.
It was more of an impulse.
Huh.
I got to say, this is pretty classy.
I guess if I needed to go outside, I'd do it here.
So, you're really going through with this? I can just vouch for you, you know.
It's not big deal.
I'm a man of my word.
So, C.
J.
And eileen seem to be getting along.
Yeah, I guess.
"Boy, we have so much in common.
" "Would you rather awkwardly kiss Mordecai on new year's eve, Or dare him to eat a sandwich in a portable toilet?" Oh, wow! Both?!" You're done.
Easy-peasy, no big deasy! Great.
Let's get out of here.
It's stuck.
Dude, that's not funny.
Why would I joke about this?! You know how I am with small spaces! Come on, dude.
Try and calm down.
Okay.
I'm trying.
Calm Good.
C.
J.
And eileen are right out there.
They'll come and get us any minutes, right? Uh, Rigby? Rigby?! We're gonna starve before they find us! Why'd you eat the whole sandwich?! You should have saved some just in case! Dude, that makes no sense! You makes no sense! Help! I'm trapped in here with a crazy person! I think the character I love to hate the most is king harry.
He's such a pill.
Hey, guys, how's it going in there? Well, things are going fine.
The sandwich is done.
But, uh, now it's kind of The door is stuck! Get us out of here! Oh, that's terrible.
Do you need some oh, what is the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip of my tongue.
"Help"? Oh, yeah Help or something? Could you please help us? I guess we could try.
Oh.
It really is stuck.
I knew I should have brought my keysmith multi-tool today.
Never doubt your gut, Eileen.
There's some tools in the garage.
All right.
Hold tight.
Don't run out of oxygen in there.
I get that you're joking, but actually, portable toilets are quite well-ventilated.
This thing is brand-new.
How did the handle get stuck like wha Oh! What is this stuff? That's meatball gravy.
How did meatball gravy get on the doorknob, Rigby? I was eating meatballs! You're not supposed to eat meatballs with your hands, dude.
Hands are nature's forks! Try the window or something.
I can't even get my fingers through the holes.
They're like tiny prison bars.
All right.
Option 2 let's ram the door.
So, what are you doing tonight? I got to house-sit my cousin's dog.
What about you? That on-target 1.
2 combination model's been singing my name all week.
Oh.
They finally installed that new outhouse? Show some respect, bro.
It's called "portable toilet".
Okay.
Well, that sounds that sounds like fun.
Have a good weekend.
I will, bro.
I will.
I'm yours now, baby.
What?! No! This is not okay.
Yeah.
It's muscle man.
We got a code 67 over here.
Make sure she gets a good home! She will! Decommissioned units get sent to the military for target practice.
That's so honorable! Alright First, we will test the Eileen! Uh Second girl.
This is not awkward.
Okay I said it's not awkward! Listen, ladies, I know this model was voted throne of the year by flush twice quarterly But you're gonna have to wait your turn.
Mordecai and Rigby were locked in here.
Do you know where they went? Uh Okay.
Yep.
Well This is awkward.
Hello? Where are you guys? Let me check.
Try and sit tight.
Muscle man is dealing with it.
He says he knows a guy.
Weak.
I got the automated system.
For toilet replacement, press "1.
" No! Undo replacement.
You have selected toilet replacement.
No! This is your second replacement today.
Put me through to the military! Thank you for calling on-target.
Goodbye.
It didn't work Where are you now? It looks like the moon a horrifying moon of death! Do you know where that is? What? Hold on a second.
Wha? What's happening? Are you guys all right? think we're landing.
It looks like A state fair.
What? No, dude! It's a military base! How should I know? I've never been to a military base.
You've never been to a state fair, either.
Uh-oh.
Okay, ladies.
Now, don't go wacko on me, but sometimes, the military uses decommissioned toilets for target practice.
What?! Yes.
Agreed.
Will do, sir.
Begin test phase of the f-29 disintegrator laser system.
Permission to speak freely, sir? No.
Permission to speak freely, sir? Granted.
Sir, why do we test the satellite laser on portable toilets, Sir? Why do we test on portable toilets?! We need to be able to stop the enemies at a moment's notice.
Enemies and portable toilets have two things in common They're both soulless and they're about the same size.
Can never be too safe, Sir.
You better believe it.
Now, I do not feel like being intimidated today, so let's put some taxpayer money to good use.
Begin laser sequence! Let's drop a laser-guided number 2 on this turd bucket.
Hurry up and help us! You guys got to come quick! We're gonna die out We lost them! I'll try and flag them down! What's wrong? My signals aren't working! No! Now what do we do? This is terrible! Try and keep calm.
Keep calm?! Finally things stop being weird with Mordecai, and now he's gonna get killed, and it's all because of some stupid dare which wasn't even clever.
C.
J.
! Do you trust me? Yeah.
Would you rather let Mordecai and Rigby get killed or jump into that portable toilet and rescue them? That's easy.
I've been trying to open this for so long, I can't feel my arms.
Thank you, Mordecai! Hey, you didn't have to close the door.
Don't put this on me, man! I'm not the one who flirts by taking toilet dares! Quiet! Continue testing.
Oh, no.
Uh, permission to speak freely, sir? No.
Permission to speak freely, sir? Granted.
Didn't the president say to limit testing because each blast costs $3 billion? The president's not my father! I'll blow up as many toilets as I like! Now continue testing! How much time do we have? Uh None! They got to be here somewhere.
Come on! We need to split up.
Mordecai! Rigby! Thanks, lady! Any luck? no.
We're right here! It's still stuck! Get the tools.
Initiate humongous explosion cycle.
We have to do it together! On my mark.
Run! What were you kids thinking?! You're lucky we saw your heat signatures so we could distinguish you from the debris.
Sir, the president's on the line.
Hello? Thanks for getting us out of there, guys.
Couldn't have done it without you.
Yeah.
You guys were hitting that door pretty hard.
C.
J.
Jumped into a moving helicopter.
Wow.
Really? Well, you know, more like a portable toilet being carried by a helicopter.
Ain't no biggie.
We'rnot the ones getting stuck in portable toilets.
Whatever.
It was your bet.
Hey, Eileen, would you rather sit here and be boring or go play with that space laser? Space laser! Hey, could we try this thing out? Well, I don't see why not.
Wow.
C.
J.
's pretty cool.
Yeah.
She is.
Would you rather Comb your hair with a hot dog or have feet for hands? Feet for hands! feet for hands! Run twice as fast.
- But how would you play video games? - Feet for hands! Your turn, Mordecai.
Would you rather live on a houseboat made of garbage or eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Portable toilet.
You'd really do that? Over a garbage houseboat, obviously.
It'd smell bad, and then the water would make it smell more.
And then you've just got a big pile of wet garbage.
So, you're saying you would eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Yes.
Just so happens I've got my sandwich right here.
And what's that over there? Oh, time to put your sandwich where your mouth is! You can't be serious.
What a coincidence.
My sandwich is chicken, too.
She's got you there, Mordecai.
Are you daring me? 'Cause if you're gonna dare me, just dare me.
'All right.
I dare you.
So we're just changing games now.
Fine, then.
Wait! How will we know if you actually do it? Right.
It's not a legitimate dare without a credible witness.
Fine.
I'll be the incredible witness.
So, were you planning that the whole time, or Nah.
It was more of an impulse.
Huh.
I got to say, this is pretty classy.
I guess if I needed to go outside, I'd do it here.
So, you're really going through with this? I can just vouch for you, you know.
It's not big deal.
I'm a man of my word.
So, C.
J.
And eileen seem to be getting along.
Yeah, I guess.
"Boy, we have so much in common.
" "Would you rather awkwardly kiss Mordecai on new year's eve, Or dare him to eat a sandwich in a portable toilet?" Oh, wow! Both?!" You're done.
Easy-peasy, no big deasy! Great.
Let's get out of here.
It's stuck.
Dude, that's not funny.
Why would I joke about this?! You know how I am with small spaces! Come on, dude.
Try and calm down.
Okay.
I'm trying.
Calm Good.
C.
J.
And eileen are right out there.
They'll come and get us any minutes, right? Uh, Rigby? Rigby?! We're gonna starve before they find us! Why'd you eat the whole sandwich?! You should have saved some just in case! Dude, that makes no sense! You makes no sense! Help! I'm trapped in here with a crazy person! I think the character I love to hate the most is king harry.
He's such a pill.
Hey, guys, how's it going in there? Well, things are going fine.
The sandwich is done.
But, uh, now it's kind of The door is stuck! Get us out of here! Oh, that's terrible.
Do you need some oh, what is the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip of my tongue.
"Help"? Oh, yeah Help or something? Could you please help us? I guess we could try.
Oh.
It really is stuck.
I knew I should have brought my keysmith multi-tool today.
Never doubt your gut, Eileen.
There's some tools in the garage.
All right.
Hold tight.
Don't run out of oxygen in there.
I get that you're joking, but actually, portable toilets are quite well-ventilated.
This thing is brand-new.
How did the handle get stuck like wha Oh! What is this stuff? That's meatball gravy.
How did meatball gravy get on the doorknob, Rigby? I was eating meatballs! You're not supposed to eat meatballs with your hands, dude.
Hands are nature's forks! Try the window or something.
I can't even get my fingers through the holes.
They're like tiny prison bars.
All right.
Option 2 let's ram the door.
So, what are you doing tonight? I got to house-sit my cousin's dog.
What about you? That on-target 1.
2 combination model's been singing my name all week.
Oh.
They finally installed that new outhouse? Show some respect, bro.
It's called "portable toilet".
Okay.
Well, that sounds that sounds like fun.
Have a good weekend.
I will, bro.
I will.
I'm yours now, baby.
What?! No! This is not okay.
Yeah.
It's muscle man.
We got a code 67 over here.
Make sure she gets a good home! She will! Decommissioned units get sent to the military for target practice.
That's so honorable! Alright First, we will test the Eileen! Uh Second girl.
This is not awkward.
Okay I said it's not awkward! Listen, ladies, I know this model was voted throne of the year by flush twice quarterly But you're gonna have to wait your turn.
Mordecai and Rigby were locked in here.
Do you know where they went? Uh Okay.
Yep.
Well This is awkward.
Hello? Where are you guys? Let me check.
Try and sit tight.
Muscle man is dealing with it.
He says he knows a guy.
Weak.
I got the automated system.
For toilet replacement, press "1.
" No! Undo replacement.
You have selected toilet replacement.
No! This is your second replacement today.
Put me through to the military! Thank you for calling on-target.
Goodbye.
It didn't work Where are you now? It looks like the moon a horrifying moon of death! Do you know where that is? What? Hold on a second.
Wha? What's happening? Are you guys all right? think we're landing.
It looks like A state fair.
What? No, dude! It's a military base! How should I know? I've never been to a military base.
You've never been to a state fair, either.
Uh-oh.
Okay, ladies.
Now, don't go wacko on me, but sometimes, the military uses decommissioned toilets for target practice.
What?! Yes.
Agreed.
Will do, sir.
Begin test phase of the f-29 disintegrator laser system.
Permission to speak freely, sir? No.
Permission to speak freely, sir? Granted.
Sir, why do we test the satellite laser on portable toilets, Sir? Why do we test on portable toilets?! We need to be able to stop the enemies at a moment's notice.
Enemies and portable toilets have two things in common They're both soulless and they're about the same size.
Can never be too safe, Sir.
You better believe it.
Now, I do not feel like being intimidated today, so let's put some taxpayer money to good use.
Begin laser sequence! Let's drop a laser-guided number 2 on this turd bucket.
Hurry up and help us! You guys got to come quick! We're gonna die out We lost them! I'll try and flag them down! What's wrong? My signals aren't working! No! Now what do we do? This is terrible! Try and keep calm.
Keep calm?! Finally things stop being weird with Mordecai, and now he's gonna get killed, and it's all because of some stupid dare which wasn't even clever.
C.
J.
! Do you trust me? Yeah.
Would you rather let Mordecai and Rigby get killed or jump into that portable toilet and rescue them? That's easy.
I've been trying to open this for so long, I can't feel my arms.
Thank you, Mordecai! Hey, you didn't have to close the door.
Don't put this on me, man! I'm not the one who flirts by taking toilet dares! Quiet! Continue testing.
Oh, no.
Uh, permission to speak freely, sir? No.
Permission to speak freely, sir? Granted.
Didn't the president say to limit testing because each blast costs $3 billion? The president's not my father! I'll blow up as many toilets as I like! Now continue testing! How much time do we have? Uh None! They got to be here somewhere.
Come on! We need to split up.
Mordecai! Rigby! Thanks, lady! Any luck? no.
We're right here! It's still stuck! Get the tools.
Initiate humongous explosion cycle.
We have to do it together! On my mark.
Run! What were you kids thinking?! You're lucky we saw your heat signatures so we could distinguish you from the debris.
Sir, the president's on the line.
Hello? Thanks for getting us out of there, guys.
Couldn't have done it without you.
Yeah.
You guys were hitting that door pretty hard.
C.
J.
Jumped into a moving helicopter.
Wow.
Really? Well, you know, more like a portable toilet being carried by a helicopter.
Ain't no biggie.
We'rnot the ones getting stuck in portable toilets.
Whatever.
It was your bet.
Hey, Eileen, would you rather sit here and be boring or go play with that space laser? Space laser! Hey, could we try this thing out? Well, I don't see why not.
Wow.
C.
J.
's pretty cool.
Yeah.
She is.