The Neighborhood (2018) s05e18 Episode Script

1
Ta-da.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Impressive. Yeah.
You have no idea what this is, do you?
No.
This is a scale model of the
new garage we're going to open.
See? Electric Vehicle
Restoration Complex.
Wow.
- For real this time.
- Yeah.
Look at all the little people. Okay.
And that one right there, that's you.
So, why am I holding a light saber?
Is it because I fix
cars at lightning speed?
No, Daddy. Then you'd be the Flash.
And I don't have any action
figures from the DC Universe.
I assume I don't have to explain why.
Well, actually, you do,
but I don't want to hear it.
- Hey, Mama, check it out.
- Wow. Impressive. Yeah.
Okay, you two have been
married way too long.
- Hey, hey.
- Malcolm, you'll never guess what this is.
Um, looks like a scale
model of your new business.
Well, yeah, you know,
y'all live together.
He probably told you.
This looks expensive.
Can we afford to make
all this life-size?
Well, Pops made a bundle
when he sold the Pit Stop.
Yeah, but that's our retirement money.
- We can't risk that.
- Oh, no, no, life is risk, Mama.
As Michael Jordan once said,
you miss 100% of the shots
- you don't take.
- Hey, wasn't that Tiger Woods?
It's Wayne Gretzky. Read a book.
Look, don't worry about the risk, babe.
We're going to borrow
the money from the bank.
All right? They're going to be
begging us to take their money.
And I'm going to be like, "Nah, bro."
And then they're going
to be like, "Calvin,
please take our money,"
and I'll be like,
"Aw, I don't know, man."
And then they gonna
offer me some more money,
and I'll be like, "Eh,
should I? Should I?"
(LAUGHTER)
That's when they gonna double the offer,
and I'm gonna be like, "All right then."
(LAUGHTER, EXCITED CHATTER)
Eh Back to real life.
You know, it's never
that easy to get a loan.
It is when you have an idea this good.
Servicing electric vehicles
that have fallen out of warranty.
It's going to be huge.
Then I can kiss JPL goodbye.
Oh, and it lights up.
Oh! Come on!
Well, check this out.
Your company has a
gender-neutral bathroom.
How progressive of you, Pop.
Hey, look, me? Nah,
I'm down with whatever,
you know what I'm saying?
But I am going to need
my own bathroom.
I get a shy bladder
when women are around.
MARTY: Okay.
(LAUGHING)
You better.
Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
Welcome to the hood. ♪
Ooh. Good news. The laser
tag people just confirmed
for Grover's birthday.
They still can't do my party, huh?
- They said no.
- Hmm.
- It just seems like
- I didn't ask them, Dave.
You know, it's not just for kids, Gemma.
There's a lot of strategy
in LT. That's laser tag.
Oh, boy.
You have to be stealth,
have catlike reflexes,
and you always keep your
back up against the wall
- so nobody can sneak up on you.
- Dave.
Hey, Gregory.
Oh, hi. I'm Gemma, Dave's
wife. It's nice to meet you.
Gregory.
Uh, we were just having lunch together
and planning our son's
13th birthday party.
Oh, birthdays are fun.
You know what's not fun?
Being married for 20 years,
and you wake up one day and
your wife tells you she's
leaving you for her trainer.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Yeah, that's really tough, um
(CLEARS THROAT) Gregory.
That's-that's-that's, uh
That's really tough.
I'm going to go.
Yeah.
You haven't finished your lunch.
I'm full.
Gosh, Gregory, I'm really sorry
to hear about you and your wife.
Oh, it's working out okay.
I'm looking forward to the weekend.
I've moved into a condo.
I'm building a bookshelf.
Oh, and I'm working out
at the gym on Saturday.
Well, that's great. Seems like
a positive step towards healing.
With the same trainer
my wife left me for.
I am never going to prepay
for anything ever again.
But it sounds like you're
going to have a good weekend.
Ha! Yeah. Please. If you're interested
in coming to a party with cold pizza
and 20 or so screaming kids
all shooting at each other,
let me know.
Sounds like fun. Thanks.
Yeah, you're welcome. (CHUCKLES)
Sounds like fun?
What the hell just happened?
You invited your weird,
sad-ass boss to our
son's birthday party?
I don't know. I didn't mean to.
I was obviously joking
when I made the offer.
Was he obviously
joking when he accepted?
It's not clear that he
knows what a joke is.
But maybe he does. Look, I don't know.
Well, you better figure it out.
I want this day to be special.
Our little boy is becoming a teenager.
You only get one 13th birthday.
Well, you only ever really
ever get one of each birthday.
You think that was a smart
thing to say right now, Dave?
I can't have that downer
at the birthday party.
I don't want the kids to see how
bad their lives could turn out.
What am I supposed to do? He's my boss.
It's already weird. This
will just make it weirder.
Just give him the wrong
date by accident on purpose.
I do it all the time.
Is that why I missed your birthday
party when we first moved here?
All right, it's looking
good. I'll see y'all later.
(MUTTERS, SNIFFS) H-H-Hey!
Check you out, Pop. (CHUCKLES)
Looking cleaner than a game show host.
Ah. Survey says you ain't lying.
Okay. What's the occasion?
Well, me and Marty,
we're going to the bank to get a loan.
Okay. Hey, hey.
No!
What?
Go put on a suit.
What's wrong with this?
It's not a suit.
If there's one thing I've learned,
it's that you have to
look like you have money
if you want people to
give you more money.
Well, then I'm good, because
this hoodie cost $250.
You paid $250 for gym clothes?
Go change.
- But, Daddy
- Go on now.
Great to see you again, Calvin.
Marty. I remember when you
were just a little tyke,
running around the Pit
Stop with a baseball bat.
Oh, that was my other son, Malcolm.
Oh, this is the nerd.
Mm-hmm.
- How you doing?
- Good. Good.
So, what am I looking at?
Well, you're looking at
the future here, Doug.
You see the people who
are out there driving
electric cars, when they have a problem,
they're hostages to the dealership.
We're going to give them
a better, cheaper option.
How are you going to do that?
Well, the first thing we
have to do is reverse
Son, I got this. Okay.
Kids.
Doug, the problem with
electric cars is that, one,
they're electrified, all right?
There's electricity.
You're dealing with that.
You mix that, obviously the electrons
of the electrolytes
is what happens, right?
And if you take these and you
remove each electro-size
electron You know what, Marty?
Why don't you go ahead and
tell him what we're going to do.
Just gonna hop in right there.
First of all, none
of what you just said.
You see, each car manufacturer
has its own unique operating system.
And if you can figure out
how to reverse engineer it,
which, with my background at JPL,
I can, then you can repair
- any brand of electric car.
- Hmm.
And we could do it cheaper
than the dealership.
Huh. That is an interesting
idea. And what would you be
- securing the loan with?
- Securing it?
Well, we never do a loan
this size without collateral.
Your home, investment property.
(STAMMERS) Doug, come on.
You don't need collateral
for an idea this good.
It's no risk.
I mean, you know me, and I know you,
so that's collateral enough. (LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING FORCEFULLY) Oh, my God.
(CHUCKLING) Okay, Calvin. Sounds great.
- There we go. There we go!
- All right!
All right. So, uh,
- how long are we talking?
- Oh, very soon.
Just let me talk to my
team, run it up the flagpole.
There is no flagpole, is there, Doug?
- Well
- So you're not going to give us the money?
I'm not.
But I didn't want to say it in
front of your little slugger.
I'm the nerd.
Hey, Gregory.
Uh, just curious. When you said my son's
birthday party sounded like
fun, you were joking, right?
Were you joking?
Me?
No.
Good. Because I spent $600 on a gift.
(LAUGHING)
That's funny. You know, 600 dol
It's your wife's loss. You are
way funnier than that trainer.
He doesn't have to be funny.
He has abs.
But I wasn't joking.
You
My God. Uh
You got my son a PlayStation 5.
Yes. How weird would
it be if I showed up
at a kid's party without a gift?
(CHUCKLES) Right.
Sure. Because, you know,
that would be weird.
Yeah.
So the bank said no? I
don't know what happened.
I had on my best suit, the
cufflinks, the good cologne.
I even hit him with my
rich white guy chuckle.
(CHUCKLES LOUDLY)
Telling me we need collateral.
The Butler name is collateral.
(TINA GROANS)
You know what? Look,
you gave it all you got.
You know?
And if it's any consolation,
you look handsome.
Well, my dreams are shattered,
but my mama thinks I'm handsome.
It's a wash.
What am I hearing?
One rejection and y'all are giving up?
Do you know how many
times the Wright brothers
crashed to the ground
before they were able to fly?
How many?
I don't know exactly, Pop,
but I'm sure it was a bunch of times.
Marty doesn't need to go
crashing around in planes.
He needs to stay at JPL,
which is like a nice, safe bus.
Statistically, more people
die in buses than planes.
Stop hating on my point, Marty.
I'm just saying that maybe
the universe is telling us something.
Maybe Marty should keep his nice,
steady job and your father and I could
keep our nice, cozy nest egg.
I don't want to just keep
punching the clock at JPL.
Especially when we're
sitting on such a great idea.
And if we don't do
it, somebody else will.
You know what? Maybe we
should be pitching this
like a tech start-up.
Go venture capitalist.
Exactly. You see, they have
vision. They take risks.
Yeah, they move fast. They break things.
So do toddlers. What's your point?
What I'm saying is,
I know a guy that used
to work at JPL who made
a fortune on crypto.
Now he's an angel investor.
Angel investor?
That sound like a fancy
way of saying sugar daddy.
Marty, I ain't doing nothing
strange for some change.
Marty, I feel ridiculous.
I got on this big jacket,
and half my legs are out.
Dad, this is what you
have to wear when you're
meeting with a young investor.
Well, it better work fast,
because I'm cold on the
bottom and I'm hot on the top.
(HUMMING)
What was that?
That's who we're here to meet.
(GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)
Marty and Marty's dad!
Things are getting litty.
- What is up?
- Hey, thanks for having us, Pike.
Pike? Is that your last
name or your first name?
Yes.
Guys, have a seat.
Uh, you know, I think I'll stand.
I don't have beanbag knees.
Take a swing.
Yeah. Okay, sure. Yeah, I'll just swing.
Okay.
All right. Okay.
Yeah. Feeling litty. Yeah,
very good. Very litty.
Let's get into it. Blow me away.
Use-use your legs, Daddy.
Okay.
Uh You got to
Hey, uh, I hate to
be-be rude here, but, uh,
is this a business or a daycare center?
Ha! Daycare center.
I like this guy.
Yeah. My dad is hilarious.
I'm going to cut to the chase.
I read your guys' one-liner.
I'm very interested.
Okay, well, we think there's about to be
a huge market in EVs that
are falling out of warranty.
One question.
You're going to reverse
engineer the operating systems?
- Yes.
- I'm in.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I missed it, guys.
- I'm in.
- Oh!
So, wait a minute.
You don't have to, uh, talk
to your team or your-your mom?
(LAUGHS) I love this guy.
Okay. Whoa.
- I only got one problem.
- Uh-oh.
You guys aren't asking for enough money.
We need to add a zero.
Well, all right!
Dudes, let's make history.
I'll text my guy to
wire you the money now.
- Morton Alderman.
- Yeah?
You're under arrest
for securities fraud,
wire fraud and money laundering.
Securities fraud? Marty, call my mom!
Officer, could you let him hit
"send" before you take him away?
Was he sending you money?
Money? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No money. No, no.
- He was sending me a meme.
- Memes.
Y-You seen the one with the baby
on the horse, and
then the daddy come in?
And the daddy say, "Give my baby back."
It was
- Yeah.
- Let's get out of here.
(WEAPONS CHIRPING)
So not fair.
What happened?
We just won again.
Gregory is so good!
Yes, he is.
Every round, he zapped
me in the first five seconds.
You left yourself wide open, man.
This game is so easy.
Gregory, you were a
sharpshooter in the Marines.
Hey, Gemma, thank you so much
for letting me bring a plus-one.
How you doing, Mumbles?
I didn't want to leave him at home.
He's been having some digestive issues.
Ah. Well, I just caught him
eating a whole box of donuts
but maybe that'll help
settle his stomach.
Mumbles, were you a naughty boy?
Hey, you know what, Gregory?
Maybe Mumbles needs some air.
- You know, feel free to take
- (WEAPON CHIRPING)
Come on, man. Really?
There are no rules in war, David.
I am so sorry you didn't
get the money, guys.
But, look, don't be discouraged.
There's so many other
things you can try.
Remember we went to that farmer's market
and we saw that guy
who sold his own honey?
You thought that was so cool.
I need bees, Tina.
Oh, look.
Yeah. David's friend.
Okay. Not right now, Gregory.
I am having a hard day.
Day? Must be nice.
I'm having a hard year.
My wife left me for a guy who
looks like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.
Damn, that's prime Pitt.
It's not just his looks.
He's a risk-taker and I'm not.
I'm just a normie with
a nine-to-five on his
fourth Toyota Corolla.
And now look at me.
Here I am, stuck at
a kid's birthday party
I didn't even want to go to, but
Dave invited me and then made it weird.
Hey, Gregory, Mumbles
is barking in his sleep,
and he is scaring the kids.
Oh, God. The nightmares are back.
Oh
Man.
What?
I'm Gregory.
- What? What are you talking about?
- I'm Gregory. Think about it.
I just lost my fiancée, I'm stuck at
a boring job, I'm playing it safe.
Oh, no. Come on, Marty.
It's not like that.
I drive a Chevy Bolt!
That's the Corolla of electric cars.
Calm down, Marty, we're
still in this thing.
We'll We'll figure it out.
Calvin, I love that you're
supporting our baby's dream.
And I always will.
You know what?
Go for it.
Excuse me?
To hell with counting
on other people's money.
This is a great idea.
Whatever we need to do to
get that loan, let's do it.
Are you serious?
Baby, I believe in us.
You know, I was so
worried about the money,
I wasn't thinking about
what this meant for Marty.
I don't want him to end up
a sad man with a saggy dog.
- Really, Mama?
- Yes, baby.
So, Dad, are we back in?
- Yes.
- Yes!
We in it to win it. You know what?
It's a risk we can handle
because we have the collateral.
We got the house.
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You are risking the house?
All right, Pop, that's
what I'm talking about.
Betting on yourself. That is bold.
I'm not that bold.
- No, I'm risking your house.
- Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that
seems like a rash decision.
I like it, and I'm in.
Of course you're in,
Marty. It's your business.
I'm not even involved and
y'all risking my house.
Shh! Don't worry, baby.
Worst-case scenario,
you can move back in with your mama.
I mean, it's a win-win for me. (SQUEALS)
And listen, Malcolm.
If we lose the house,
I'll give you your deposit back.
I didn't give you any deposit.
So what the hell you complaining about?
LeBron to the hole. Boom!
Ha-ha! I love this game.
You know, this is the best
present Grover's ever got.
Can I get a turn?
In a minute.
You said that 90 minutes ago.
Well, I'm only down 43 points.
I can't believe Gregory
bought this boy a PS5.
Me neither. I told him he could
come over and play it anytime.
You what?
Well, I mean, I was obviously joking.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
It couldn't be, could it?
It is.
Ha! Gregory.
Surprised to see you here
on this Saturday night at
9:00 p.m.
Yeah, it wasn't my plan,
but Grover invited me
and then made it weird.
Guess I got next.