90210 s05e19 Episode Script
The Empire State Strikes Back
Previously on 90210 I like you Silver, and I'm pretty sure you like me too.
I could have done something to really hurt you.
You can date Mark if you want, but we're done.
I'm sorry about Silver.
I know it hurts, but you got me.
- I really like you.
- I like you too.
I'm afraid that once I tell you the truth about my family, you may not want to be involved with me.
Why would you lie to me? 'Cause she wants my inheritance.
She used you.
Liam, I'm sorry, but I had a lot of money on the line.
Welcome to Armitage Books.
Your blog has a real shot of finding the audience that it deserves.
- I'm Author X, and I'm done hiding.
- What? How did you think you were gonna get away with this? - If you would just let me explain.
- Explain what?! How you wrote about me? How you used me like every other woman I've ever been involved with? You're messing with real people's lives here.
Patrick? We need to talk.
What are you doing here? Gee, Annabelle, I don't know.
Maybe it has something to do with your little book about a naive Beverly Hills girl who mistakes sex for love and sells herself to the villainous "Patterson.
" It's not bad for a hooker, heart of gold and all.
Screw you, Patrick.
Oh, we're way past screwing.
Nancy O'Dell just tweeted that Author X will be revealed on her special in two days.
I won't let that happen.
Well, it's my decision.
It's not about you.
You can't be that stupid.
The entire country is on a witch hunt for Patterson's real identity, and I didn't exactly cover my tracks with you.
My wife cannot find out about this.
- You're married? - Yes.
And your tell-all is the next read for my wife's book club.
If you come out, I'm guaranteed a very expensive divorce.
You spent $10,000 on one night with me.
I think you'll manage.
You will cancel the interview.
Because if you hurt my family, I'll come after yours.
You like me and I like you.
I don't see how family's an issue.
It's mostly my mother.
She has a real knack for derailing my romantic relationships.
The woman makes Jaws seem cuddly.
I'm not afraid to swim with sharks.
Yeah, well, you haven't met my mother.
She's a judge, one of the most respected in the country, and just found out that she's being considered to be the next Secretary of State.
Like, of the United States of America? Yeah, that's the one.
I mean, she's a pro at scrutinizing people, and overly focused on our family image.
It just So you don't want to give you and me a chance because you don't think I can handle your mother? No, Naomi I just know how grueling it can be to be a bug under my mother's magnifying glass.
And I feel I should just give you fair warning.
Now, look, I gotta head back east for some boring family fund-raiser, and while I'm gone, just just think about whether or not this is a challenge you want to take on.
Okay? Whoa.
What just happened? Navid, you awake? What are you doing? Wake up! What's Liam doing here? I don't know.
Uh, just a minute! Okay, we obviously don't have time to talk about it now.
Okay, um, you go out there and distract him, - and then I'll sneak out.
- Yeah.
Hey, man, you busy? Me? No.
Unless you call sleeping, all alone, busy.
You're up early.
Yeah, I didn't want to be there when Annie got up.
Between Vanessa and Ashley and Sydney, and now Annie's book, I just feel like I'm being used by women at every turn.
Yeah, you've had a rough run lately.
Yeah, well, so have you.
But, you know, we can either be down and depressed about it and make a spiral of our past mistakes or we can focus on the surfboard company.
So, I've been thinking about how every major sport brand has a face to represent their company.
Well, fortunately for us, we already have a famous face.
Yours.
No, I've been burned by the celebrity thing way too many times.
So meet Cassie McCoy.
She's already shattering records all over the world.
Now, I talked to her manager, and she's "in between" sponsors right now.
I can put in half the money with the residuals from my movies - if you can put in the other half.
- Wow.
I haven't seen you this excited about anything in - ever.
- Come on.
Hey, man, the money is not an issue.
- I'm in.
- Yeah? Yeah, I can set up the meeting and you could get ready to woo her with your fancy surfer talk.
Ah! Ha-ha! Yeah! You're, like, totally on, brah.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, Dixon, do you want to come do some totally off-the-chain, maternity-wear shopping with us.
Man, there's nothing in the world that I would rather do, honestly, but, uh, Annie just texted me and told me to come over ASAP.
Next time.
Have fun.
Hey, Silver, um, before we go, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
Okay.
I know that we all agreed I would put the performing on hold till after the baby was born, and before you get all, - "No way," please, just hear me out.
- Okay.
I read about this upcoming tribute concert for Spencer Blane.
It's gonna be on TV, and they're looking for an undiscovered singer/songwriter to perform.
Spencer Blane? That's fricking huge.
Yeah.
I know it's a long shot.
I only have two days to write a song and submit a demo, but I want to try.
And Dixon totally has my back on this, so I'm gonna let you guys just talk about it.
Thank you.
After losing Ade as my best friend, the last thing I want to do is upset Michaela again.
Being bad cop all the time really sucks, man.
Why did you tell her this was a good idea? I didn't know about this, all right? But actually, - I don't see any harm in her trying.
- What? Look, it's just a song.
One song that she has to write and record in two days? Let Spencer Blane be the bad cop when he rejects her.
It would be nice to say yes for once.
This may be your chance.
Good luck.
Michaela? Um, don't worry about the shopping.
Go ahead, write your song.
Silver, thank you so much! - Yeah! - Thank you! Good cop definitely feels better.
Yo, yo! Uh, I got your message.
You know, if you wanted to talk, that texting machine you have also works as a phone, right? I needed to talk to you in person.
Okay, now you're scaring me.
Okay, uh remember last year when you asked how I paid for your rehab? Yeah, you said you got your inheritance.
I hadn't yet.
I'm not proud of how I earned that money.
And it's taken me a really long time to figure out how to tell you about this.
When Patrick and I were dating, we weren't in a normal relationship.
I was his escort.
I got paid to be with him.
Escort? Like a hooker? It didn't start like that.
As soon as I could, I got out.
And I wrote this book about the whole awful situation, and I know it sounds really cliché, but telling the truth finally set me free of it all.
Then Patrick showed up yesterday.
Whoa, whoa.
He was here? Yeah.
I'm supposed to go on national TV tomorrow to be revealed as the book's author.
And he came to say that if I revealed myself, his wife would find out.
And if I didn't keep quiet, he was going to do something to you.
So I just need you to know.
What should I do? This this can't be happening.
Please! Please, Dixon, you have to understand.
You are my brother and you were in trouble.
I just wanted to help you! Dixon! Hey.
Hi.
I was starting to think you were avoiding me.
Oh, I was.
But you said the ball was in my court, so I decided to return the volley and agree to a date with you.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled, but what swayed you? I had a really good talk with Michaela.
For the first time in forever, I let go of the baby stress and just said, "Yes.
" And I'd forgotten how amazing that feels.
So what sounds fun and totally non-expectant mother to you? Hmm.
Ever been camping in the Mojave Desert? The restaurant's covered for the weekend, and you have not lived until you've seen a sunrise out there.
- I do love a good sunrise.
- Great.
- Huh.
- It's a date.
Oh, hey, Michaela.
Hey.
Sorry to just show up like this, but I need your help.
I have to write my first song in a day.
Yeah, crazy, right? Yeah.
It took me a week to write just the chorus to my first song.
What's it about? Pathetic schoolgirl as it sounds, I have a crush on a guy.
Hey, we've all been there.
I know you're retired from music, but is there any chance you could help me? Yeah, it'd be nice to have something to keep me busy and out of trouble.
So, yeah, let's write a song together.
Ade, thank you.
But let's not tell Silver, okay? Just so things don't get weird? You know what? I don't care what Silver thinks.
We're not exactly speaking right now.
Yeah, I know, but your involvement might make things tricky between me and her, and then she could call off the entire contest.
She kinda gets to make the rules since I'm her baby oven.
Yeah, I get it.
I won't mention it to anyone that we're working on this together.
Thank you.
- Can I see what you got? - Yes, please.
So Liam's modest, but he's quite the ace surfer.
And surfboards tailor-made for women was his brainchild.
So you slapped some pink paint on a board? How cute.
My boards are already made custom-made for me.
Yeah, but you're Cassie McCoy.
Most girls don't have boards customized for their height, weight, skill level, surfing environment.
They're forced to buy boards built with a guy's frame in mind.
If you say, "It's a man's world," I'm gonna barf.
Well, actually, we're more of a "Who runs the world? Girls!" kind of company.
You know, I have major league companies trying to woo me with free crap all the time, and the only thing you've gifted is gab.
Liam built a custom board for you.
Just give it a spin.
Yeah, yeah, we will do anything to prove that we are the company to sponsor you.
- You'll do anything? - Yeah, anything.
Anything.
Fine, I want a private concert here tomorrow with Olly Murs.
Olly Murs? British pop star? I'm his number one fan.
You pull Olly Murs out of your hat, and I'll give you the time of day.
Ah Oh.
Yeah, we we're dead.
Hey, this is Dixon.
Leave a message.
Dixon, it's me again.
Please call me back.
I'm supposed to leave in a couple hours on a plane to New York for this interview, and I don't know what to do.
Should I do this or not? Oh, good God.
Throw that ticket away.
Honey, we do not fly commercial.
Ew.
Hey, sis? - Sis.
- Hello, brother.
I just got off the phone with Jordan.
I'm going to New York City and I'm taking you with me.
- Pass.
I have plans.
- I know, with Silver.
I took care of it she's coming, too.
- Don't fight you'll lose.
- Unfortunately, that's true.
Thank you, Annie.
The thing is Jordan's mother's hosting some elaborate yawn-a-thon where families auction their heirlooms to help benefit New York's "heirloom" buildings.
Heirlooms for heirlooms.
We're going to attend to show her how respectable the Clark family is.
Or, and crazy thought, you could not care what his mom thinks.
Mark, Jordan is amazing, and nobody loves a challenge more than me.
Would you move it the jet is standing by.
You're coming, too, for your fabulous interview.
- We're gonna have so much fun.
- Oh, yeah, that's me.
A whole barrel of fun.
Look, Dixon's really upset about what I told him.
Don't be a weepy Wilson.
You knew Dixon wasn't gonna jump for joy.
Which is even more reason not to go public unless he's okay with it.
Um, not necessarily.
Annie, you can still come out as Author X.
You just have to tell Nancy O'Dell that it's not a true-true story.
Meaning, that you were inspired by real events, but the characters in your book are a mishmosh of every person you've ever met in your life.
That way, you won't humiliate or hurt Dixon any further.
Well, your idea sounds like a way better plan than me sitting around watching my phone.
Plus, it might solve my problem with Patrick.
Okay, we can discuss any new drama over cocktails at 30,000 feet.
It's time for us to take Manhattan.
Is it just me or does it feel like we suddenly stepped into an episode of Sex and the City? Well, you're Author X, our very own Carrie Bradshaw.
I am sorry, Silver.
Adrianna's totally the Charlotte.
Does that mean I'm Miranda? We fly across the country and look at you.
You can't stop micromanaging your gestation station.
She's a drag, you're a drag.
Okay, okay, I'm not anymore.
In New York, 'cause I'm carefree and fun and sexy, and I'm going on a date with Mark tonight, and I'm gonna be a total Samantha, which means sex.
Ew, he's still our brother.
Speaking of which I told him to meet us when he got done shopping.
Where is your tuxedo? You said black tie this is a black tie.
Oh, my God.
What the hell? Well, that's a sign that I obviously need to dress you tonight for the auction.
What is this, a quirky rebel-may-care look? It's never gonna survive the scrutiny of Jordan's mother.
Come on, we have to go.
I think you wear New York well.
This ain't exactly Mojave, huh? Ah, you know, Naomi says "jump" we all hop a plane and go across country.
When we're done with her thing, I'm going to treat you to the best pizza in the city.
Mark? Now! Time to jump again.
Hey, Dixon.
Are you all right? Annie told me how she paid for my rehab.
Yeah.
I kind of figured you knew.
The only person that knows Annie better than me is you.
You have to understand that everything Annie did was to help you.
I know I just can't believe my sister went through all of that torture because of me.
And now Patrick is messing with her again.
I don't know, dude, I'm just so pissed.
I don't even know what to do.
Last year, when I found out, I punched the son of a bitch.
Are you serious? Didn't change what happened to Annie, but it made me feel better about taking things into my own hands.
Hey, uh - you busy? - Uh, kind of.
I'm just working on music stuff.
Cool, uh I need a favor.
Is that what we're calling the other night? No, no.
It's it's not about that.
Uh, Liam and I need your help.
Uh we really need to get in touch with Olly Murs.
I know his drummer.
I could totally call him for you guys.
You are the best.
Um about the other night I'm still trying to figure out what it meant.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, us together dredges up a lot of drama.
Yeah.
Silver's already on my warpath, and she'll think that I'm hooking up with you to get revenge.
Yeah, yeah, you might be right.
And I certainly don't want to repeat past mistakes.
Me either, so maybe we should just shut the door on us.
Consider it dead-bolted.
The other night was our real last night together.
And not just the last time until the next time.
Yes, the last time was the real last time.
Yeah.
Well, uh, get back to work.
Whoa, buddy.
At least buy me dinner first.
Naomi, I've been scrubbed, buffed, bronzed and manscaped.
I'm trying to be a good sport, but none of this is me at all.
I know, you're no small undertaking, but we're making progress.
Actually you look quite dapper.
I'm finally starting to see the family resemblance.
But I do need to brief the all-new you.
What's wrong with the not-new, actually-who-I-am me? Okay.
First off, you never owned a food truck.
So, you want me to lie? Lie? What? No.
Yeah, okay.
A food truck is very pedestrian.
We're gonna spin the details a little bit.
You should take mental notes.
You own several five-star restaurants.
You're here in New York taking meetings for your TV cooking show.
You are the next Gordon Ramsey, only much hotter and more charming.
Uh-huh.
You could just take a life-sized cut out of me.
Or a ruggedly handsome ventriloquist dummy.
You know what? You might think that this is silly, but I really need you to be here for me.
Max's mother hated me, and that never went away.
If Jordan and I are gonna have a chance in hell, I have to present the best possible me, and that means the best possible you, okay? You look great.
What are you doing? There's nothing wrong with the real me.
Mark Sweetheart, I'm home.
Oh.
Patrick.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your meeting.
No, it's okay.
Hi.
We're running a bit long today.
Yeah, we have a special guest from Beverly Hills, Dixon Wilson.
He called inquiring about my charity for his sister's organization, so we invited him to our meeting.
Hey, um I think you know my sister Annie.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
Uh, you okay, Patrick? You don't look well.
Oh, yeah, he just he works so hard.
You poor thing.
Uh, must be the jet lag.
Um Dixon, I'd love to hear more about your sister's charity.
Uh Victoria, excuse us a minute? - Excuse us.
- Excuse us, ladies.
I want you out of my house.
Gladly.
Um I just want to deliver a message.
You want to be a tough guy and try to hurt me? Bring it.
But, um I wouldn't say you're in a position to make any threats towards me and my sister.
I fight for the both of us.
$2000.
$2,500.
$3,000.
$4,000.
$5,000.
$6,000.
$7,000.
Going once.
Annie, stand up straight, stop fidgeting.
Tonight you're a lady, not a hobbit.
You're also my de facto family, since Mark apparently decided to go AWOL.
Well, don't worry, these shoes cost more than a factory worker makes in a year, and I'll even smile like this.
And I'm a carefree bon vivant who lives on the edge.
Hide your men! Whatever.
You're not related to me I don't care.
Naomi.
Radiant, as usual.
But my mom just got off the phone with the governor, and whatever he said really kind of put her in a mood.
Maybe we should try to do this another time.
Absolutely not.
No, I am not one to be scared of a judge or Secretary of State or Godzilla.
Show me the mother.
And we have incoming.
Ladies, this is my mother.
Hi.
I'm Annie.
- Hello.
- Your Honor.
This is my sister Annie, an incredibly wealthy socialite who runs her own charity foundation.
And well, that's Erin Silver.
She's practically engaged to my brother.
Cheryl Harwood.
A pleasure.
And you must be Naomi Clark.
It's wonderful to finally meet you.
Jordan's told me so much already.
And my daughter's told me all about you.
Something about you publicly calling her a whore at Jordan's offensive faux-Fifty Shades of Grey book launch.
I'm gonna go anywhere else.
Me, too.
Mom, I told you that was a misunderstanding.
It's actually quite a funny story.
I'm sure it is.
Is there a reason that your family hasn't donated an heirloom for my auction? Mom, we talked about this.
Retract the claws.
What? We're all here for the same cause.
If she doesn't have anything worth donating then it's just a shame, that's all.
Excuse me, I'm gonna go say hello to the mayor.
She was actually almost civil.
It gets worse? Uh, I'll talk to her.
Ade, you're amazing.
Well, you had a lot of great lyrics.
I just moved things around a bit, and added some new ideas.
Like in the chorus, when the two exes realize that they shouldn't go back to a romantic place.
Yeah, except that one of them totally wants to.
Like here, when you're talking about the latest hook-up, you're wondering if the last time's really gonna be the last time.
It's like you want to rekindle that amazing feeling that you miss.
- Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, and it's exactly how I feel about Navid.
Navid? Oh your crush is on Navid? Yeah, for some time now.
You totally nailed exactly what I'm feeling.
Many thanks to the Mallory family.
Your generous donations, year after year, are greatly appreciated.
Hey.
Annie's car just took her to the big interview.
- Mm.
- You okay? No.
Jordan's mom instantly despised me, I'm at a family heirloom auction without my family or an heirloom.
Our next auction item was donated by the Clark family of Beverly Hills, California.
What? Hi, Mark Holland.
I'm here tonight with my sister, Naomi Clark.
What is he doing? No idea, but he looks hot doing it.
This is a bit unorthodox.
Our auction items don't usually speak.
Please explain your donation.
Myself, or my chef services, rather.
I'm offering an evening of private cooking classes.
The heirloom part is that I will teach you a recipe that has been in my family for generations.
And I should add that I'm really good with my hands, and I don't mind getting dirty.
Oh, my.
So, for the Clark family donation of, uh, cooking lessons, we'll open the bidding.
I'd pay a hundred dollars.
Hmm.
$1,000.
Keep in mind, I never wear this much in the kitchen.
$5,000.
I have $5,000.
Would you like to counter, ma'am? $6,000.
- $7,000.
- $7,000.
- $8,000.
- $8,000.
- $8,500.
- $8,500.
- $9,000.
- $9,000 bid.
- $10,000.
- $10,000! - $15,000.
- Do we have $20,000? $20,000.
We have an even $20,000.
Going once going twice Sold! For $20,000.
Quite a generous donation from the Clark family.
Well, since it's not gonna get any better, might as well leave on a high note.
I'm gonna go grab our coats.
Oh I thought you hated these things.
But I like you.
And as your big brother, can I offer you a little advice? Maybe your problem isn't what Jordan's family thinks of you, but what you think of yourself.
You're good enough just how you are.
Kind of like your $20,000 brother.
Ready to get that pizza? I was ready yesterday.
Mom was really impressed with your brother.
She'd like to talk now, if you have a minute.
Absolutely.
Thanks for being here.
Hey.
Dude, I can't believe we pulled this off.
Yeah, thanks to Ade.
Hey, Cassie! Ready to be our Gnarly Girl? No way! Yesterday I was just being a brat.
I didn't think you'd actually - bring me Olly Murs.
- Right? Yeah, well, that's how much we want to be your sponsors.
You had me hooked again From the minute you sat down The way you bite your lip Got my head spinning around After a drink or two I was putty in your hands I don't know if I have the strength To stand Oh, whoa Trouble, troublemaker, yeah That's your middle name Oh, whoa I know you're no good But you're stuck in my brain And I want to know Why does it feel so good But hurt so bad? Whoa, oh My mind keeps saying Run as fast as you can I say I'm done But then you pull me back - * Whoa, oh * - Cassie.
What's wrong? Everything.
You're giving me a heart attack Do you see that guy over there? It's like you're always there The only reason why I wanted Olly Murs was to remind my stupid ex-boyfriend how much he loves me, and now look.
He's macking with some skank to our favorite song! And he doesn't even care.
That's why we did all this? For an ex? Cassie Cassie, there's some stuff you got to leave in high school.
I still am in high school! Derek and I were first loves! If he knew how I felt right now, maybe he'd realize how much he loves me.
My mind keeps saying Run as fast as you can I say I'm done but then you pull me back Whoa, oh I swear you're giving me a heart attack Troublemaker Found her.
Your brother was quite the hit.
I haven't seen Mrs.
Waldorf so aflutter since she met Reagan.
At first, I was concerned.
Oh, and rightfully so, but my brother and I wanted to assure you right away that we are good people, Ms.
Harwood.
I prefer "Your Honor.
" But I didn't bring you here to discuss your brother, Naomi.
Let's talk about you.
Good luck.
Now, let's discuss your police record.
Or should I say, "records"? Can't believe we jumped through all these hoops because of stupid high school drama.
Who goes to these lengths to make an ex jealous? - Huh? - I'm not giving up.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, come here, come here, come here.
Come on.
All right, thank you, Olly Murs.
All right, well, hey, everybody.
Uh, I'm Liam Court, you might recognize me from Corporate Invaders 1 and 2.
Uh I just want to say that I want to dedicate this show to my number one girl, Cassie McCoy.
What the hell was that? That's me making your ex-boyfriend super jealous.
Well, wh what what the hell are - you doing kissing her, man? - Wh You're a genius.
Oh, and I guess that makes me a Gnarly Girl? We got our Eyes wide Open Feeling like we're almost there Words unspoken Disappearing in the air All I see Is you and I You're the only Lifeline That I need Tonight I'm letting go Mmm, mmm.
That was so worth the wait.
I should've had you pay then, Miss Hundred Dollar Bid.
Uh, I think not.
You asked me out.
But actually the more fun version of myself definitely feels pretty damn good.
My whole "must have baby" mission sort of commandeered my entire life.
Speaking of, why does it not freak you out like it does most guys? The future doesn't freak me out because I don't think about it.
You can't not think about the future, though.
Sure you can.
What lies ahead of us is completely unpredictable.
What good does it do to worry about something you can't control? Actually makes some sense.
You know, since you're on this "just say yes" kick, I should ask if I can kiss you now, huh? Samantha wouldn't just say "yes" she'd say, "hurry up" Uh, come in.
Hey.
So, I've been thinking a lot about the other night.
Mm.
And our history, and Yeah.
us saying that we were over it.
Yeah, I've been I've been thinking a lot about it, too.
- You have? - Yeah.
Oh, that Olly Murs concert turned out to be a a high school manipulation to make an ex jealous, and it was insane and immature, and it reminded me of all our old drama with Silver.
Us hooking up is so not worth all that again.
What were you gonna say? Oh basically, exactly what you said.
I got to go.
And then you broke up a marriage that you were supposed to be planning.
Only because I was in love.
With the groom.
Then you fled the scene and immediately married him which led to one of the times that you were arrested.
The charges were dropped.
Let's discuss your marriage to Max Miller.
It only lasted a couple of months before it ended in divorce, so I think it's fair for me to speculate that you have no respect for the institution of marriage.
No.
That most certainly is not fair.
I was very much in love with Max.
You can attack me with whatever else you have in that file, but I will not sit here and be insulted, nor will I allow you to insult my marriage.
I have no regrets.
We tried to make it work.
What the hell is going on here, Mom? We're just getting to know the real Naomi Clark.
Your mother did her homework.
Discovered my lengthy arrest record and a failed marriage, and let me know that apparently I'm not Harwood material.
I came here to get in your good graces.
But you know what? I don't have to care what you or anyone else thinks, because I am good enough exactly as I am.
We're done.
We go live in two minutes.
Okay.
Better breathe before you pass out on national TV.
Dixon, what are you doing here? Uh, I just came to let you know that I'm okay.
And that I support you and that I want you to go out there and tell the truth.
But Look, I I was just upset that I couldn't fix the past.
And I realized that I could fix right now.
So can you.
Just like you said, telling the truth will set you free.
- We're ready to go, Miss Wilson.
- Okay.
Okay, five, four, three, two The immensely popular book Undressed is the tawdry tale of a young escort in Beverly Hills.
Now, it's author has chosen to remain anonymous until now.
It is my pleasure to welcome to the show tonight Author X, Miss Annie Wilson.
Hi, Nancy.
Hi, Annie, how are you? Good.
Thanks for having me.
Have a seat.
First off, the stories in your book are allegedly based upon true events in your life.
Is that accurate? Uh uh, yeah.
Yes, it is.
Um, Annabelle is me.
Annie, don't you know that best-selling authors never carry their own luggage? Ah.
You okay now that the whole world knows who you really are? Well, you proved our family has nothing to be ashamed of, so yeah, - I am.
- Good for you.
I'm gonna go and see if the limo is here - to take us to the airport.
- Okay.
Patrick? You bitch.
I woke up to find the press on my lawn this morning.
Everybody knows, including my wife.
Payback is the bitch, not me.
You brought this all upon yourself.
Yeah, so did you.
Ooh, I cannot believe we signed Cassie McCoy.
We did it, man.
She signed the contract, and now we can start the campaign.
The photo shoots, public appearances, commercials.
Oh, this is gonna be awesome.
Hey.
Oh, there's our Gnarly Girl.
Hey.
Yeah, about that.
Bad news from the momager.
The momager? My mom's my manager.
She found out you live with Annie Wilson, the girl that wrote that hooker book.
- How? - What? It's all over the news.
Liam Court, the movie star is Leo in Undressed.
Endorsements are all about image, and she doesn't want me associated with you.
- I - Sucks.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah.
Uh uh It's okay.
Guess we'll just have to find someone else.
What's the point? She's right; endorsements are all about image, and thanks to Annie, mine sucks.
Oh something new not fooling myself 'cause it's always been you So you think Spencer Blane will like it? It's really good.
I can't believe you did that in two days.
Yeah, me either.
This TV contest is gonna be huge, national exposure.
Then the concert goes on a multicity tour.
We're getting my song in just under the wire.
Hold up, a tour? I'm not okay with this.
The only reason that I said you could try is because Dixon said there's no chance that you'd win.
You said that? Uh, it's not how it sounds.
Silver, we can still discuss this.
No, we can't.
Look, there is no universe in which the woman carrying my child is gonna go on tour.
I - I'm sorry, Michaela.
Michaela.
- Michaela.
Don't.
I was so stupid to think that blindly saying yes was a good idea.
Silver, c Adrianna let me in.
I guess my jet's a little faster than yours.
Why are you here, Jordan? Look, um you never really gave me a chance to respond in New York.
I've never seen any woman ever stand up to my mother.
And whether she likes it or not, I want to date you.
So if you're willing to deal with her, my mother's going to have to deal, too.
Well, I can't blame you for your mother.
And I do like the idea of that banshee's head exploding.
Well, I'm just hoping that one day she finally learns that no one's as perfect as she expects them to be.
Including me.
So what do you say to a non-perfect date with a non-perfect me? Mm.
Oh, I suppose I'll let you take me to dinner.
Oh, you suppose.
I'm out of my heart I thought it was over then Are we back at the start? Hey, I was just listening to our song.
It's the one bright spot in my day.
What did Dixon and Silver think? Silver says it's so good we can't send it in.
What? She knows it could be big.
She's not comfortable with even the idea of me going on tour while pregnant.
Okay, well, this is a big deal for me, too.
I know.
And you wrote a killer song, Ade.
You're insane if you don't pursue a career in songwriting, but until I have this baby, Silver calls the shots.
Well, she doesn't get to call them for me.
Hey.
I scheduled tomorrow off since we haven't even unpacked yet.
What do you say we just head out to Mojave after all? I can't.
Gotcha.
Formal wear doesn't work for the desert.
I guess we should repack.
No, Mark, I mean I I can't just leave or be impulsive or say yes to every fun thing that comes along.
Is this about the Mojave or me? Hey, guys.
We're getting hungry out there.
We'll talk after dinner.
We're all here to celebrate Annie's literary success and bravery.
But I think it's fair to say we all had a pretty successful New York trip.
Well, except for someone's luggage getting held up at the airport.
I'd like to request a speech from my newest best-selling author.
- Uh - Yes, speech! Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, well, I am not very good at speeches, so I will say that my strength and bravery comes from each one of you.
And we're not just friends; we're a family.
And nobody messes with my family.
Hear, hear.
Excuse me.
We're looking for Mark Holland.
Yes, sir.
That's me.
Does this bag belong to you, sir? Yes.
I'm sorry.
Is there a problem? You're under arrest for drug possession.
Uh, there must be some mistake.
Mr.
Holland's luggage was flagged at the airport.
We were called by TSA and found cocaine in it.
I could have done something to really hurt you.
You can date Mark if you want, but we're done.
I'm sorry about Silver.
I know it hurts, but you got me.
- I really like you.
- I like you too.
I'm afraid that once I tell you the truth about my family, you may not want to be involved with me.
Why would you lie to me? 'Cause she wants my inheritance.
She used you.
Liam, I'm sorry, but I had a lot of money on the line.
Welcome to Armitage Books.
Your blog has a real shot of finding the audience that it deserves.
- I'm Author X, and I'm done hiding.
- What? How did you think you were gonna get away with this? - If you would just let me explain.
- Explain what?! How you wrote about me? How you used me like every other woman I've ever been involved with? You're messing with real people's lives here.
Patrick? We need to talk.
What are you doing here? Gee, Annabelle, I don't know.
Maybe it has something to do with your little book about a naive Beverly Hills girl who mistakes sex for love and sells herself to the villainous "Patterson.
" It's not bad for a hooker, heart of gold and all.
Screw you, Patrick.
Oh, we're way past screwing.
Nancy O'Dell just tweeted that Author X will be revealed on her special in two days.
I won't let that happen.
Well, it's my decision.
It's not about you.
You can't be that stupid.
The entire country is on a witch hunt for Patterson's real identity, and I didn't exactly cover my tracks with you.
My wife cannot find out about this.
- You're married? - Yes.
And your tell-all is the next read for my wife's book club.
If you come out, I'm guaranteed a very expensive divorce.
You spent $10,000 on one night with me.
I think you'll manage.
You will cancel the interview.
Because if you hurt my family, I'll come after yours.
You like me and I like you.
I don't see how family's an issue.
It's mostly my mother.
She has a real knack for derailing my romantic relationships.
The woman makes Jaws seem cuddly.
I'm not afraid to swim with sharks.
Yeah, well, you haven't met my mother.
She's a judge, one of the most respected in the country, and just found out that she's being considered to be the next Secretary of State.
Like, of the United States of America? Yeah, that's the one.
I mean, she's a pro at scrutinizing people, and overly focused on our family image.
It just So you don't want to give you and me a chance because you don't think I can handle your mother? No, Naomi I just know how grueling it can be to be a bug under my mother's magnifying glass.
And I feel I should just give you fair warning.
Now, look, I gotta head back east for some boring family fund-raiser, and while I'm gone, just just think about whether or not this is a challenge you want to take on.
Okay? Whoa.
What just happened? Navid, you awake? What are you doing? Wake up! What's Liam doing here? I don't know.
Uh, just a minute! Okay, we obviously don't have time to talk about it now.
Okay, um, you go out there and distract him, - and then I'll sneak out.
- Yeah.
Hey, man, you busy? Me? No.
Unless you call sleeping, all alone, busy.
You're up early.
Yeah, I didn't want to be there when Annie got up.
Between Vanessa and Ashley and Sydney, and now Annie's book, I just feel like I'm being used by women at every turn.
Yeah, you've had a rough run lately.
Yeah, well, so have you.
But, you know, we can either be down and depressed about it and make a spiral of our past mistakes or we can focus on the surfboard company.
So, I've been thinking about how every major sport brand has a face to represent their company.
Well, fortunately for us, we already have a famous face.
Yours.
No, I've been burned by the celebrity thing way too many times.
So meet Cassie McCoy.
She's already shattering records all over the world.
Now, I talked to her manager, and she's "in between" sponsors right now.
I can put in half the money with the residuals from my movies - if you can put in the other half.
- Wow.
I haven't seen you this excited about anything in - ever.
- Come on.
Hey, man, the money is not an issue.
- I'm in.
- Yeah? Yeah, I can set up the meeting and you could get ready to woo her with your fancy surfer talk.
Ah! Ha-ha! Yeah! You're, like, totally on, brah.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, Dixon, do you want to come do some totally off-the-chain, maternity-wear shopping with us.
Man, there's nothing in the world that I would rather do, honestly, but, uh, Annie just texted me and told me to come over ASAP.
Next time.
Have fun.
Hey, Silver, um, before we go, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
Okay.
I know that we all agreed I would put the performing on hold till after the baby was born, and before you get all, - "No way," please, just hear me out.
- Okay.
I read about this upcoming tribute concert for Spencer Blane.
It's gonna be on TV, and they're looking for an undiscovered singer/songwriter to perform.
Spencer Blane? That's fricking huge.
Yeah.
I know it's a long shot.
I only have two days to write a song and submit a demo, but I want to try.
And Dixon totally has my back on this, so I'm gonna let you guys just talk about it.
Thank you.
After losing Ade as my best friend, the last thing I want to do is upset Michaela again.
Being bad cop all the time really sucks, man.
Why did you tell her this was a good idea? I didn't know about this, all right? But actually, - I don't see any harm in her trying.
- What? Look, it's just a song.
One song that she has to write and record in two days? Let Spencer Blane be the bad cop when he rejects her.
It would be nice to say yes for once.
This may be your chance.
Good luck.
Michaela? Um, don't worry about the shopping.
Go ahead, write your song.
Silver, thank you so much! - Yeah! - Thank you! Good cop definitely feels better.
Yo, yo! Uh, I got your message.
You know, if you wanted to talk, that texting machine you have also works as a phone, right? I needed to talk to you in person.
Okay, now you're scaring me.
Okay, uh remember last year when you asked how I paid for your rehab? Yeah, you said you got your inheritance.
I hadn't yet.
I'm not proud of how I earned that money.
And it's taken me a really long time to figure out how to tell you about this.
When Patrick and I were dating, we weren't in a normal relationship.
I was his escort.
I got paid to be with him.
Escort? Like a hooker? It didn't start like that.
As soon as I could, I got out.
And I wrote this book about the whole awful situation, and I know it sounds really cliché, but telling the truth finally set me free of it all.
Then Patrick showed up yesterday.
Whoa, whoa.
He was here? Yeah.
I'm supposed to go on national TV tomorrow to be revealed as the book's author.
And he came to say that if I revealed myself, his wife would find out.
And if I didn't keep quiet, he was going to do something to you.
So I just need you to know.
What should I do? This this can't be happening.
Please! Please, Dixon, you have to understand.
You are my brother and you were in trouble.
I just wanted to help you! Dixon! Hey.
Hi.
I was starting to think you were avoiding me.
Oh, I was.
But you said the ball was in my court, so I decided to return the volley and agree to a date with you.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled, but what swayed you? I had a really good talk with Michaela.
For the first time in forever, I let go of the baby stress and just said, "Yes.
" And I'd forgotten how amazing that feels.
So what sounds fun and totally non-expectant mother to you? Hmm.
Ever been camping in the Mojave Desert? The restaurant's covered for the weekend, and you have not lived until you've seen a sunrise out there.
- I do love a good sunrise.
- Great.
- Huh.
- It's a date.
Oh, hey, Michaela.
Hey.
Sorry to just show up like this, but I need your help.
I have to write my first song in a day.
Yeah, crazy, right? Yeah.
It took me a week to write just the chorus to my first song.
What's it about? Pathetic schoolgirl as it sounds, I have a crush on a guy.
Hey, we've all been there.
I know you're retired from music, but is there any chance you could help me? Yeah, it'd be nice to have something to keep me busy and out of trouble.
So, yeah, let's write a song together.
Ade, thank you.
But let's not tell Silver, okay? Just so things don't get weird? You know what? I don't care what Silver thinks.
We're not exactly speaking right now.
Yeah, I know, but your involvement might make things tricky between me and her, and then she could call off the entire contest.
She kinda gets to make the rules since I'm her baby oven.
Yeah, I get it.
I won't mention it to anyone that we're working on this together.
Thank you.
- Can I see what you got? - Yes, please.
So Liam's modest, but he's quite the ace surfer.
And surfboards tailor-made for women was his brainchild.
So you slapped some pink paint on a board? How cute.
My boards are already made custom-made for me.
Yeah, but you're Cassie McCoy.
Most girls don't have boards customized for their height, weight, skill level, surfing environment.
They're forced to buy boards built with a guy's frame in mind.
If you say, "It's a man's world," I'm gonna barf.
Well, actually, we're more of a "Who runs the world? Girls!" kind of company.
You know, I have major league companies trying to woo me with free crap all the time, and the only thing you've gifted is gab.
Liam built a custom board for you.
Just give it a spin.
Yeah, yeah, we will do anything to prove that we are the company to sponsor you.
- You'll do anything? - Yeah, anything.
Anything.
Fine, I want a private concert here tomorrow with Olly Murs.
Olly Murs? British pop star? I'm his number one fan.
You pull Olly Murs out of your hat, and I'll give you the time of day.
Ah Oh.
Yeah, we we're dead.
Hey, this is Dixon.
Leave a message.
Dixon, it's me again.
Please call me back.
I'm supposed to leave in a couple hours on a plane to New York for this interview, and I don't know what to do.
Should I do this or not? Oh, good God.
Throw that ticket away.
Honey, we do not fly commercial.
Ew.
Hey, sis? - Sis.
- Hello, brother.
I just got off the phone with Jordan.
I'm going to New York City and I'm taking you with me.
- Pass.
I have plans.
- I know, with Silver.
I took care of it she's coming, too.
- Don't fight you'll lose.
- Unfortunately, that's true.
Thank you, Annie.
The thing is Jordan's mother's hosting some elaborate yawn-a-thon where families auction their heirlooms to help benefit New York's "heirloom" buildings.
Heirlooms for heirlooms.
We're going to attend to show her how respectable the Clark family is.
Or, and crazy thought, you could not care what his mom thinks.
Mark, Jordan is amazing, and nobody loves a challenge more than me.
Would you move it the jet is standing by.
You're coming, too, for your fabulous interview.
- We're gonna have so much fun.
- Oh, yeah, that's me.
A whole barrel of fun.
Look, Dixon's really upset about what I told him.
Don't be a weepy Wilson.
You knew Dixon wasn't gonna jump for joy.
Which is even more reason not to go public unless he's okay with it.
Um, not necessarily.
Annie, you can still come out as Author X.
You just have to tell Nancy O'Dell that it's not a true-true story.
Meaning, that you were inspired by real events, but the characters in your book are a mishmosh of every person you've ever met in your life.
That way, you won't humiliate or hurt Dixon any further.
Well, your idea sounds like a way better plan than me sitting around watching my phone.
Plus, it might solve my problem with Patrick.
Okay, we can discuss any new drama over cocktails at 30,000 feet.
It's time for us to take Manhattan.
Is it just me or does it feel like we suddenly stepped into an episode of Sex and the City? Well, you're Author X, our very own Carrie Bradshaw.
I am sorry, Silver.
Adrianna's totally the Charlotte.
Does that mean I'm Miranda? We fly across the country and look at you.
You can't stop micromanaging your gestation station.
She's a drag, you're a drag.
Okay, okay, I'm not anymore.
In New York, 'cause I'm carefree and fun and sexy, and I'm going on a date with Mark tonight, and I'm gonna be a total Samantha, which means sex.
Ew, he's still our brother.
Speaking of which I told him to meet us when he got done shopping.
Where is your tuxedo? You said black tie this is a black tie.
Oh, my God.
What the hell? Well, that's a sign that I obviously need to dress you tonight for the auction.
What is this, a quirky rebel-may-care look? It's never gonna survive the scrutiny of Jordan's mother.
Come on, we have to go.
I think you wear New York well.
This ain't exactly Mojave, huh? Ah, you know, Naomi says "jump" we all hop a plane and go across country.
When we're done with her thing, I'm going to treat you to the best pizza in the city.
Mark? Now! Time to jump again.
Hey, Dixon.
Are you all right? Annie told me how she paid for my rehab.
Yeah.
I kind of figured you knew.
The only person that knows Annie better than me is you.
You have to understand that everything Annie did was to help you.
I know I just can't believe my sister went through all of that torture because of me.
And now Patrick is messing with her again.
I don't know, dude, I'm just so pissed.
I don't even know what to do.
Last year, when I found out, I punched the son of a bitch.
Are you serious? Didn't change what happened to Annie, but it made me feel better about taking things into my own hands.
Hey, uh - you busy? - Uh, kind of.
I'm just working on music stuff.
Cool, uh I need a favor.
Is that what we're calling the other night? No, no.
It's it's not about that.
Uh, Liam and I need your help.
Uh we really need to get in touch with Olly Murs.
I know his drummer.
I could totally call him for you guys.
You are the best.
Um about the other night I'm still trying to figure out what it meant.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, us together dredges up a lot of drama.
Yeah.
Silver's already on my warpath, and she'll think that I'm hooking up with you to get revenge.
Yeah, yeah, you might be right.
And I certainly don't want to repeat past mistakes.
Me either, so maybe we should just shut the door on us.
Consider it dead-bolted.
The other night was our real last night together.
And not just the last time until the next time.
Yes, the last time was the real last time.
Yeah.
Well, uh, get back to work.
Whoa, buddy.
At least buy me dinner first.
Naomi, I've been scrubbed, buffed, bronzed and manscaped.
I'm trying to be a good sport, but none of this is me at all.
I know, you're no small undertaking, but we're making progress.
Actually you look quite dapper.
I'm finally starting to see the family resemblance.
But I do need to brief the all-new you.
What's wrong with the not-new, actually-who-I-am me? Okay.
First off, you never owned a food truck.
So, you want me to lie? Lie? What? No.
Yeah, okay.
A food truck is very pedestrian.
We're gonna spin the details a little bit.
You should take mental notes.
You own several five-star restaurants.
You're here in New York taking meetings for your TV cooking show.
You are the next Gordon Ramsey, only much hotter and more charming.
Uh-huh.
You could just take a life-sized cut out of me.
Or a ruggedly handsome ventriloquist dummy.
You know what? You might think that this is silly, but I really need you to be here for me.
Max's mother hated me, and that never went away.
If Jordan and I are gonna have a chance in hell, I have to present the best possible me, and that means the best possible you, okay? You look great.
What are you doing? There's nothing wrong with the real me.
Mark Sweetheart, I'm home.
Oh.
Patrick.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your meeting.
No, it's okay.
Hi.
We're running a bit long today.
Yeah, we have a special guest from Beverly Hills, Dixon Wilson.
He called inquiring about my charity for his sister's organization, so we invited him to our meeting.
Hey, um I think you know my sister Annie.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
Uh, you okay, Patrick? You don't look well.
Oh, yeah, he just he works so hard.
You poor thing.
Uh, must be the jet lag.
Um Dixon, I'd love to hear more about your sister's charity.
Uh Victoria, excuse us a minute? - Excuse us.
- Excuse us, ladies.
I want you out of my house.
Gladly.
Um I just want to deliver a message.
You want to be a tough guy and try to hurt me? Bring it.
But, um I wouldn't say you're in a position to make any threats towards me and my sister.
I fight for the both of us.
$2000.
$2,500.
$3,000.
$4,000.
$5,000.
$6,000.
$7,000.
Going once.
Annie, stand up straight, stop fidgeting.
Tonight you're a lady, not a hobbit.
You're also my de facto family, since Mark apparently decided to go AWOL.
Well, don't worry, these shoes cost more than a factory worker makes in a year, and I'll even smile like this.
And I'm a carefree bon vivant who lives on the edge.
Hide your men! Whatever.
You're not related to me I don't care.
Naomi.
Radiant, as usual.
But my mom just got off the phone with the governor, and whatever he said really kind of put her in a mood.
Maybe we should try to do this another time.
Absolutely not.
No, I am not one to be scared of a judge or Secretary of State or Godzilla.
Show me the mother.
And we have incoming.
Ladies, this is my mother.
Hi.
I'm Annie.
- Hello.
- Your Honor.
This is my sister Annie, an incredibly wealthy socialite who runs her own charity foundation.
And well, that's Erin Silver.
She's practically engaged to my brother.
Cheryl Harwood.
A pleasure.
And you must be Naomi Clark.
It's wonderful to finally meet you.
Jordan's told me so much already.
And my daughter's told me all about you.
Something about you publicly calling her a whore at Jordan's offensive faux-Fifty Shades of Grey book launch.
I'm gonna go anywhere else.
Me, too.
Mom, I told you that was a misunderstanding.
It's actually quite a funny story.
I'm sure it is.
Is there a reason that your family hasn't donated an heirloom for my auction? Mom, we talked about this.
Retract the claws.
What? We're all here for the same cause.
If she doesn't have anything worth donating then it's just a shame, that's all.
Excuse me, I'm gonna go say hello to the mayor.
She was actually almost civil.
It gets worse? Uh, I'll talk to her.
Ade, you're amazing.
Well, you had a lot of great lyrics.
I just moved things around a bit, and added some new ideas.
Like in the chorus, when the two exes realize that they shouldn't go back to a romantic place.
Yeah, except that one of them totally wants to.
Like here, when you're talking about the latest hook-up, you're wondering if the last time's really gonna be the last time.
It's like you want to rekindle that amazing feeling that you miss.
- Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, and it's exactly how I feel about Navid.
Navid? Oh your crush is on Navid? Yeah, for some time now.
You totally nailed exactly what I'm feeling.
Many thanks to the Mallory family.
Your generous donations, year after year, are greatly appreciated.
Hey.
Annie's car just took her to the big interview.
- Mm.
- You okay? No.
Jordan's mom instantly despised me, I'm at a family heirloom auction without my family or an heirloom.
Our next auction item was donated by the Clark family of Beverly Hills, California.
What? Hi, Mark Holland.
I'm here tonight with my sister, Naomi Clark.
What is he doing? No idea, but he looks hot doing it.
This is a bit unorthodox.
Our auction items don't usually speak.
Please explain your donation.
Myself, or my chef services, rather.
I'm offering an evening of private cooking classes.
The heirloom part is that I will teach you a recipe that has been in my family for generations.
And I should add that I'm really good with my hands, and I don't mind getting dirty.
Oh, my.
So, for the Clark family donation of, uh, cooking lessons, we'll open the bidding.
I'd pay a hundred dollars.
Hmm.
$1,000.
Keep in mind, I never wear this much in the kitchen.
$5,000.
I have $5,000.
Would you like to counter, ma'am? $6,000.
- $7,000.
- $7,000.
- $8,000.
- $8,000.
- $8,500.
- $8,500.
- $9,000.
- $9,000 bid.
- $10,000.
- $10,000! - $15,000.
- Do we have $20,000? $20,000.
We have an even $20,000.
Going once going twice Sold! For $20,000.
Quite a generous donation from the Clark family.
Well, since it's not gonna get any better, might as well leave on a high note.
I'm gonna go grab our coats.
Oh I thought you hated these things.
But I like you.
And as your big brother, can I offer you a little advice? Maybe your problem isn't what Jordan's family thinks of you, but what you think of yourself.
You're good enough just how you are.
Kind of like your $20,000 brother.
Ready to get that pizza? I was ready yesterday.
Mom was really impressed with your brother.
She'd like to talk now, if you have a minute.
Absolutely.
Thanks for being here.
Hey.
Dude, I can't believe we pulled this off.
Yeah, thanks to Ade.
Hey, Cassie! Ready to be our Gnarly Girl? No way! Yesterday I was just being a brat.
I didn't think you'd actually - bring me Olly Murs.
- Right? Yeah, well, that's how much we want to be your sponsors.
You had me hooked again From the minute you sat down The way you bite your lip Got my head spinning around After a drink or two I was putty in your hands I don't know if I have the strength To stand Oh, whoa Trouble, troublemaker, yeah That's your middle name Oh, whoa I know you're no good But you're stuck in my brain And I want to know Why does it feel so good But hurt so bad? Whoa, oh My mind keeps saying Run as fast as you can I say I'm done But then you pull me back - * Whoa, oh * - Cassie.
What's wrong? Everything.
You're giving me a heart attack Do you see that guy over there? It's like you're always there The only reason why I wanted Olly Murs was to remind my stupid ex-boyfriend how much he loves me, and now look.
He's macking with some skank to our favorite song! And he doesn't even care.
That's why we did all this? For an ex? Cassie Cassie, there's some stuff you got to leave in high school.
I still am in high school! Derek and I were first loves! If he knew how I felt right now, maybe he'd realize how much he loves me.
My mind keeps saying Run as fast as you can I say I'm done but then you pull me back Whoa, oh I swear you're giving me a heart attack Troublemaker Found her.
Your brother was quite the hit.
I haven't seen Mrs.
Waldorf so aflutter since she met Reagan.
At first, I was concerned.
Oh, and rightfully so, but my brother and I wanted to assure you right away that we are good people, Ms.
Harwood.
I prefer "Your Honor.
" But I didn't bring you here to discuss your brother, Naomi.
Let's talk about you.
Good luck.
Now, let's discuss your police record.
Or should I say, "records"? Can't believe we jumped through all these hoops because of stupid high school drama.
Who goes to these lengths to make an ex jealous? - Huh? - I'm not giving up.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, come here, come here, come here.
Come on.
All right, thank you, Olly Murs.
All right, well, hey, everybody.
Uh, I'm Liam Court, you might recognize me from Corporate Invaders 1 and 2.
Uh I just want to say that I want to dedicate this show to my number one girl, Cassie McCoy.
What the hell was that? That's me making your ex-boyfriend super jealous.
Well, wh what what the hell are - you doing kissing her, man? - Wh You're a genius.
Oh, and I guess that makes me a Gnarly Girl? We got our Eyes wide Open Feeling like we're almost there Words unspoken Disappearing in the air All I see Is you and I You're the only Lifeline That I need Tonight I'm letting go Mmm, mmm.
That was so worth the wait.
I should've had you pay then, Miss Hundred Dollar Bid.
Uh, I think not.
You asked me out.
But actually the more fun version of myself definitely feels pretty damn good.
My whole "must have baby" mission sort of commandeered my entire life.
Speaking of, why does it not freak you out like it does most guys? The future doesn't freak me out because I don't think about it.
You can't not think about the future, though.
Sure you can.
What lies ahead of us is completely unpredictable.
What good does it do to worry about something you can't control? Actually makes some sense.
You know, since you're on this "just say yes" kick, I should ask if I can kiss you now, huh? Samantha wouldn't just say "yes" she'd say, "hurry up" Uh, come in.
Hey.
So, I've been thinking a lot about the other night.
Mm.
And our history, and Yeah.
us saying that we were over it.
Yeah, I've been I've been thinking a lot about it, too.
- You have? - Yeah.
Oh, that Olly Murs concert turned out to be a a high school manipulation to make an ex jealous, and it was insane and immature, and it reminded me of all our old drama with Silver.
Us hooking up is so not worth all that again.
What were you gonna say? Oh basically, exactly what you said.
I got to go.
And then you broke up a marriage that you were supposed to be planning.
Only because I was in love.
With the groom.
Then you fled the scene and immediately married him which led to one of the times that you were arrested.
The charges were dropped.
Let's discuss your marriage to Max Miller.
It only lasted a couple of months before it ended in divorce, so I think it's fair for me to speculate that you have no respect for the institution of marriage.
No.
That most certainly is not fair.
I was very much in love with Max.
You can attack me with whatever else you have in that file, but I will not sit here and be insulted, nor will I allow you to insult my marriage.
I have no regrets.
We tried to make it work.
What the hell is going on here, Mom? We're just getting to know the real Naomi Clark.
Your mother did her homework.
Discovered my lengthy arrest record and a failed marriage, and let me know that apparently I'm not Harwood material.
I came here to get in your good graces.
But you know what? I don't have to care what you or anyone else thinks, because I am good enough exactly as I am.
We're done.
We go live in two minutes.
Okay.
Better breathe before you pass out on national TV.
Dixon, what are you doing here? Uh, I just came to let you know that I'm okay.
And that I support you and that I want you to go out there and tell the truth.
But Look, I I was just upset that I couldn't fix the past.
And I realized that I could fix right now.
So can you.
Just like you said, telling the truth will set you free.
- We're ready to go, Miss Wilson.
- Okay.
Okay, five, four, three, two The immensely popular book Undressed is the tawdry tale of a young escort in Beverly Hills.
Now, it's author has chosen to remain anonymous until now.
It is my pleasure to welcome to the show tonight Author X, Miss Annie Wilson.
Hi, Nancy.
Hi, Annie, how are you? Good.
Thanks for having me.
Have a seat.
First off, the stories in your book are allegedly based upon true events in your life.
Is that accurate? Uh uh, yeah.
Yes, it is.
Um, Annabelle is me.
Annie, don't you know that best-selling authors never carry their own luggage? Ah.
You okay now that the whole world knows who you really are? Well, you proved our family has nothing to be ashamed of, so yeah, - I am.
- Good for you.
I'm gonna go and see if the limo is here - to take us to the airport.
- Okay.
Patrick? You bitch.
I woke up to find the press on my lawn this morning.
Everybody knows, including my wife.
Payback is the bitch, not me.
You brought this all upon yourself.
Yeah, so did you.
Ooh, I cannot believe we signed Cassie McCoy.
We did it, man.
She signed the contract, and now we can start the campaign.
The photo shoots, public appearances, commercials.
Oh, this is gonna be awesome.
Hey.
Oh, there's our Gnarly Girl.
Hey.
Yeah, about that.
Bad news from the momager.
The momager? My mom's my manager.
She found out you live with Annie Wilson, the girl that wrote that hooker book.
- How? - What? It's all over the news.
Liam Court, the movie star is Leo in Undressed.
Endorsements are all about image, and she doesn't want me associated with you.
- I - Sucks.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah.
Uh uh It's okay.
Guess we'll just have to find someone else.
What's the point? She's right; endorsements are all about image, and thanks to Annie, mine sucks.
Oh something new not fooling myself 'cause it's always been you So you think Spencer Blane will like it? It's really good.
I can't believe you did that in two days.
Yeah, me either.
This TV contest is gonna be huge, national exposure.
Then the concert goes on a multicity tour.
We're getting my song in just under the wire.
Hold up, a tour? I'm not okay with this.
The only reason that I said you could try is because Dixon said there's no chance that you'd win.
You said that? Uh, it's not how it sounds.
Silver, we can still discuss this.
No, we can't.
Look, there is no universe in which the woman carrying my child is gonna go on tour.
I - I'm sorry, Michaela.
Michaela.
- Michaela.
Don't.
I was so stupid to think that blindly saying yes was a good idea.
Silver, c Adrianna let me in.
I guess my jet's a little faster than yours.
Why are you here, Jordan? Look, um you never really gave me a chance to respond in New York.
I've never seen any woman ever stand up to my mother.
And whether she likes it or not, I want to date you.
So if you're willing to deal with her, my mother's going to have to deal, too.
Well, I can't blame you for your mother.
And I do like the idea of that banshee's head exploding.
Well, I'm just hoping that one day she finally learns that no one's as perfect as she expects them to be.
Including me.
So what do you say to a non-perfect date with a non-perfect me? Mm.
Oh, I suppose I'll let you take me to dinner.
Oh, you suppose.
I'm out of my heart I thought it was over then Are we back at the start? Hey, I was just listening to our song.
It's the one bright spot in my day.
What did Dixon and Silver think? Silver says it's so good we can't send it in.
What? She knows it could be big.
She's not comfortable with even the idea of me going on tour while pregnant.
Okay, well, this is a big deal for me, too.
I know.
And you wrote a killer song, Ade.
You're insane if you don't pursue a career in songwriting, but until I have this baby, Silver calls the shots.
Well, she doesn't get to call them for me.
Hey.
I scheduled tomorrow off since we haven't even unpacked yet.
What do you say we just head out to Mojave after all? I can't.
Gotcha.
Formal wear doesn't work for the desert.
I guess we should repack.
No, Mark, I mean I I can't just leave or be impulsive or say yes to every fun thing that comes along.
Is this about the Mojave or me? Hey, guys.
We're getting hungry out there.
We'll talk after dinner.
We're all here to celebrate Annie's literary success and bravery.
But I think it's fair to say we all had a pretty successful New York trip.
Well, except for someone's luggage getting held up at the airport.
I'd like to request a speech from my newest best-selling author.
- Uh - Yes, speech! Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, well, I am not very good at speeches, so I will say that my strength and bravery comes from each one of you.
And we're not just friends; we're a family.
And nobody messes with my family.
Hear, hear.
Excuse me.
We're looking for Mark Holland.
Yes, sir.
That's me.
Does this bag belong to you, sir? Yes.
I'm sorry.
Is there a problem? You're under arrest for drug possession.
Uh, there must be some mistake.
Mr.
Holland's luggage was flagged at the airport.
We were called by TSA and found cocaine in it.