Everybody Loves Raymond s05e19 Episode Script

Hi, Grandma! Look at the Easter egg I made.
Oh, that's lovely, dear.
Ma, you want to see an egg? Look at that.
That's lovely too.
You both do beautiful work.
And guess what? I made an extra batch of butter cookies for you and your brothers.
- Oh, good, I love those.
- Oh, good.
Oh, and Debra, I've run out of things to put them in, - so I came to get the canister.
- What canister? My canister with the blue horses around the edge.
- Oh, yeah, I brought that back.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Grandma! Come on, I want to show you - my Easter shoes.
- Okay, just a minute, sweetheart.
I think I would've remembered if you returned that canister, because it's my mother's, and there's even a special space on my shelf for it, which is empty now.
Yeah, well, I remember returning it, because I heard about that space on your shelf when you brought it over.
Oh.
Would you like to take a minute now and look for it? And while you do, I can correct a few of these potatoes.
You know, Marie, if the canister was here, I'm sure you would have noticed it during one of your daily inspections.
You know what? Until you find it, at least it's with people I love.
Come on, sweetheart, let me see those shoes.
Seriously, Deb, forget you know me and Ally, which one's better? Ma! Where's Ma? - Why? What's the matter? - Dad got into the ham.
Did you leave it on the counter? He jumps up there.
What did he do? He's lopping off slices of it and putting it into the toaster.
Like pork Pop-Tarts.
Every year.
Last year, I caught him in the car with it.
Okay, if you find the canister, dear, give me a ring.
Marie, I told you, I don't have it.
All right, well, maybe when you straighten up.
Please Please listen to me.
It's not here.
You seem upset.
Are you upset with me, Debra? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am upset, Marie, because what I say and what I do seems to mean very little to you.
- Where is this coming from? - You've asked me for the canister, I tell you I don't have it, but that's not good enough! Well, I don't have it.
Oh, and there's no possibility you could have misplaced it.
No.
So I'm a thief, then.
And a liar.
I'm a liar and a thief.
Are you calling me a liar and a thief?! Oh! You know, it just it just hurts my feelings, Marie, because I told you I brought that canister back and if you don't believe me, then there's nothing I can do.
Oh, wait.
Honey, honey, wait.
Wait.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I don't want this.
I mean, a holiday is a time for family.
I love that canister, but I certainly don't want you feeling like this.
I want us to have a wonderful Easter.
Okay? Oh, I'm sorry, Debra.
Thank you, Marie.
Well, I should go.
There's a pig eating my ham.
Wow.
The Marie Barone apology.
Until today, I had only heard about it.
And to you.
Oh.
There's your Easter miracle.
No, you know what? I give her a lot of credit, 'cause that was hard for her to do, but she did it and she meant it.
You know what I think? Yeah.
I think I finally got through to her.
I mean, now she sees, she's not always right.
Is this what Grandma was looking for? Oh my God.
Ally, where did you get that? - You gave it to me.
- Oh my God.
- What did you do? - Wait wait a minute.
I didn't give this to you.
When did I give this to you? I asked if I could keep my crayons in here and you said yes.
Oh my God! I do not remember that.
Honey, I'll take that.
Thanks for bringing this back, great job.
Yeah, that was so great.
Hey, look.
Here's the chocolate eggs for tomorrow, you go and eat as many as you want.
Thanks! I could have sworn I gave that back to your mother.
I mean, I don't know what happened.
Well, here's what probably happened is that, you know, I'm doing a million things and the kids are always at you and asking for stuff and Ally probably came up to me and asked me for something and I didn't really hear.
And as long as I don't hear the word "gun" or "knife," I just said, "Yeah.
" So, yeah, that that's probably what happened, I'm positive.
Because, you know, I'm doing like a million things, and you know, I've gotta do everything here myself, and if you would pitch in a little bit more, Ray Oh, no no! No! No! Don't look at me! This is what drowning people do, they pull you right down with them.
Well, I'm screwed, all right? You know what's really bad? She apologized to you even though she knew she was right.
Oh, shut up! Why do you come over here, to state the obvious? Is that what you're here for? I must say, Debra, this is not your most attractive side.
What do I do? What do I do?! - You gotta return it, now.
- Are you out of your mind?! Do you know what she will put me through if I have to bring this thing back over to her? You know what she's like! Look, there's a way to fix this.
You just return this to her with your heart in it.
Okay, you listen to me.
I got an apology! Do you have any idea what that means? She apologized to me.
Okay, the whole balance of power shifted.
It was a beautiful You know what? We've gotta get rid of this thing.
No, you can't do that.
This was my Grandma's! You know how many cookies I've had from this thing? Mmm, and lemon squares.
- And brownies.
- Blondies.
- Fudge.
- Chocolate biscotti.
- Macaroons.
- Oh, the macaroons.
- How about the ginger snaps - Hey, fat people! Who cares? You know, it's just a canister.
It's a can.
Everybody will get over it.
I'm throwing it out.
- Whoa! Excuse me, Deb.
- No, you're not! Not to get technical, but what you're considering is theft and destruction of property.
And I can't let that happen to something that once belonged to my "Gammy.
" Yeah, come on, Debra, my mother loves this thing.
All right, all right.
Yeah you're right, and you're right, and your mother's right.
Okay? Everybody's right except for me.
I just thought that, you know for once, she respected me enough to apologize.
But I screwed up, so you know what? Give me the thing, I will take it back to her and I will let her say whatever she's gonna say.
Nobody's gonna stop me? Nobody cares what happens to me? Or not even to me, but let's just say I bring this thing back, and then she thinks she's always right.
She has more power than ever.
When you say, "Mom, I don't want to marry that girl.
I think you're wrong about her.
" "Oh, really? Was I wrong about the canister?" Or you, when you say, "Mom, you know, I don't think you should move in with us now that dad has passed.
" "Oh have you forgotten about the canister?!" But you guys do what you want.
It is just a canister.
I'm gonna turn my back, you do what you have to do.
All right.
I'm gonna throw it out, okay? I'm sorry, but I can't hear what you're saying.
Oh, it's a beautiful day, isn't it, Raymond? Why, yes, it is.
Sure is, Robert.
Oh, come If I don't do it, it doesn't get done! This is horrible.
It's done.
Thank you.
I feel cold.
So, you're with me now, right? I guess so.
No matter what? No matter what.
Ray? Devil, thy name is woman.
Okay, it's time for Easter dinner.
Come on, kids, we're going to Grandma's.
Come on, Ray, let's go.
- All right, as soon as you're ready.
- Yeah, I'm ready now.
All right, tell me when you're ready, then we'll go.
- Yeah, I'm ready.
- You going like that? Oh! Ally, come on, put your jacket on.
See? You weren't ready.
What the hell? - I got it! I got it! - It's my turn! Hey! Hey! Hey! Guys! Guys! Hold it! Hold it! I thought you got rid of this thing.
I did! I put it in the garbage the outside garbage.
Boys, where did you get this? In the garbage.
You've gotta feed them more! What were you doing in the garbage? Looking for Easter eggs.
You know just wait a second, kids.
All right, look.
You have to give this back now, okay? It's come back twice, it's it's like a sign.
It's like when you think the movie's over and then the hand comes up! All right, so so we just bring this back, right? - Okay.
- Good, good, good.
So, you'll just say that it was a mistake - and that it was here all along.
- No.
- What do you mean, no? - No.
We'll we'll sneak it in.
We'll hide it in her house and she'll just come across it someday and she'll realize she was the one that was wrong.
Except she wasn't wrong.
So you're saying you don't love me? Okay, all right, fine, sneak it back in.
But when you say we'll sneak it back in, you mean you and Ally will sneak it back in, 'cause that'll be great, like a take-your-daughter-to-work kind of thing.
- You'll do what I say.
- Yes, I will.
Hi, Grandma! Hi.
I think the Easter Bunny left something for you kids in the kitchen.
Hi, Marie, Happy Easter! Thank you so much for letting me take a crack at these mashed potatoes.
- Shall we go check them? - No, I'm sure they're fine, dear.
Happy Easter, Raymond.
Aren't you gonna take off your coat? - It looks awfully hot.
- No.
I'm a little chilly.
- Oh, are you getting sick, honey? - No no, I'm all right.
Frank, turn up the heat, Raymond's sick! No, Mom, I'm not.
I'm not sick.
I just think that this is a bitchin' jacket.
That's not Easter language.
But it is stylish.
Did I give this to you? Please, Marie, I want you to check these potatoes.
I think I left some eyes in it.
Stop worrying, darling, they'll be delicious.
- Is this down? - Marie, I am a terrible cook! I really want you to look at these potatoes.
I didn't know what the hell I was doing! Well, okay, let's go in the kitchen and take care of it.
Oh, good.
Because I don't think these potatoes deserve to share a table with your fabulous ham.
Hey, Ray - What did you do?! - Nothing! - Then then why is it here? - Look, because - Why is it here, man?! - Would you shut up, please? - Help me hide it! - Nuh-uh! I'm not touching it.
You said no matter what.
I didn't know I'd be battling the supernatural! - Hello, dear.
- No, Marie Mommy! Hi, Mommy! I just came to tell you, you have about oh, 10 minutes till dinner.
Oh! 10 minutes.
That's my favorite amount of time.
- Oh, Raymond - Raymond, Happy Easter, my brother! Thank you.
- Yeah! - Thank you, man.
Happy Easter to you.
You know? If I don't see you, happy Memorial Day.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, isn't this nice? Oh, this is why I like holidays.
I'm so happy.
This is brothers.
I've done a good job.
Yeah, you have, Ma.
I I love this little guy.
- So, are we done now? - No, just a little more.
Oh, Frank, come take a look! - What? - Your sons are hugging! - Want me to get the hose? - Oh! You boys have made my Easter.
Get off me! What are you kissing me for? I was in the moment.
All right, come on, now, help me hide this before I throw up into it.
What the hell is going on in here? She came in here.
You were supposed to hold her in there.
Hold her! Give me that, I'll do it.
- Why is this hot? - Never mind.
Just get into the kitchen and keep her occupied.
What are we supposed to do? - You could kiss me.
- Shut up.
Hey, is that Marie's canister? No.
Wait a minute! Let me see that.
You did have that canister! She's been going on and on about that thing like it's King Tut's golden undies.
Please, Frank, don't say anything.
If she finds out I had this thing You're in big trouble, lady.
Listen, I'm begging you, Frank.
What do I do? Give your heart to God, 'cause your ass is Marie's.
- Frank! - No, Ma Ma no! - The potatoes - I want Frank to help me set the table.
No, that's all right.
My canister.
Where did you get that? I was hiding it from you.
I thought it would be funny.
You what? Yeah, I was using it to keep my nuts and bolts in.
Then, when I saw you carrying on about how much you wanted to find the damn thing, I hid it in the attic.
Pretty funny, huh? Frank, I love that canister! I've been tearing my hair out, running around like a crazy woman looking for that! All funny.
Oh, really, Frank? Well, here's what's not funny, this marriage! - Marie, I - Let her go.
This is so typical of you and your so-called sense of humor.
You have no respect for me whatsoever and you never have.
Well, I promise you something, Frank.
You will not be looking back on this little stunt as funny.
I hope you're happy with yourself.
You have ruined Easter! Frank, I don't know what to say.
Why did you do that? I don't know.
I didn't want that to happen to you.
You're like my daughter.
Oh.
Thank you.
And she was gonna yell at me like that later anyway.
I ate the backside of that ham.
Frank! - Hello! - Oh, boy.
There you are.
Debra, could I speak with you a minute? Yeah, sure, Marie.
I want you to have this.
What? Why? I felt so bad for thinking you didn't return this to me.
- Uh-huh.
- And to be honest, every time I see it now, it makes me think of your father-in-law.
So I either give you this or give you him.
This is probably easier to clean.
- Marie, I can't take this.
- No no no, please, dear.
This was my mother's, and I'd like to pass this on to you.
- Well, thanks, Marie.
- Okay, well, I'll see you later.
- Okay.
- Frank's watching television, so I decided to vacuum.
Wow, that's pretty nice, huh? Yeah, it was nice of her to give this to me, - but I can't keep it.
- Why not? Because every time I look at it, I'll be reminded of what I did and how Frank took the heat for me.
I mean, that's guilt in a can.
Silly, all right, it's just a canister.
I know it was you! - Have sex with your husband! - Yeah yeah.