Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s05e19 Episode Script

I got it! Somebody kill me! Let's kill him! Long live the king! What a bloody mess! There it is.
Excalibur! Welcome to your new home, King Arthur.
That name is a curse on the lips of the dead.
You have not yet ascended the throne.
Your days of advising the monarchy are over, Merlin.
You cannot stand between me and Excalibur.
I would not presume to try.
No sword or weapon of war can make you a leader.
Perhaps.
But Excalibur will stop the beating of your heart once and for all.
You are powerless against us, old man.
Arthur's under my protection now.
Your arrogance is all the weapon I need, Mab.
I taught you much, but I haven't taught you all I know.
Enough talk.
Today I step into history.
You've no idea how right you are.
In the name of God, what have you done to me? I can't stop you, so I'm sending you to someone who can.
Arthur! Break off! Come here! Where are we? In the past.
Who are you? Arthur of Camelot.
Forgive us for dropping in uninvited.
But since you're here, you might as well kneel.
Oh, I got a better idea.
Why don't I rip out your kidneys and use 'em as earmuffs? - - Say the word, and you'll be talking to a six-foot pickle.
She's a sorceress.
I've got a better idea.
I challenge you to a battle of wits, my good man.
I'll fight you blindfolded, as long as you let me strike the first blow.
Why not.
Go on, slice him.
Cut him in half.
Is it my turn, then? All hail! Kneel before our leader! How did you know where he was? Onion breath.
Able to completely destroy you.
One down, one to go.
Thank you, Hercules.
If it wasn't for you, the school would have to close.
Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we, kids? Come on.
There's a lot of cleaning up to do.
Okay.
There you go.
That's him right over there.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
I'm terribly sorry to trouble you, but, well, I presume you're the chap they call Hercules? I don't know about "chap," but I am Hercules, yes.
Yes.
Well, I've got sort of a well, a huge favor to ask, actually.
Lives at stake, millions could die, that sort of thing.
So, uh, when you've got a free moment.
Oh.
Yeah.
There.
I'm free now.
Tell me more.
Well, I'd love to, really I would, but, uh, I'll have to bring you up to speed on the way.
The ship's waiting.
There's no time to lose.
Chop, chop.
Wait.
Where are we going, and who are you? My, my! How embarrassing.
Where are my manners? To Britannia.
And my name is Merlin.
Merlin? Mmm.
This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hail! Get your fish! Cut the slack on that rope! Down in the galley! Halt! Two hundred gold coins.
- King Arthur's decree.
- KingArthur? Oh, dear, oh, dear.
The sign says 50.
Just for arguing, the fee's now 300.
Put it on my tab.
Just give me an excuse, stranger.
You know, it's not polite to point.
Nice toss, old chap.
Indeed.
Morrigan.
Thought I recognized your handiwork.
And I thought you went back to Eire.
I did.
But you know what they say: "And Justice for all.
" - Yeah.
Hi.
- Hello.
Well, this is rather awkward, isn't it? Oh, I Where are my manners? Merlin, this is Morrigan.
Morrigan, this is Merlin.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Likewise.
Something tells me we're both here for the same reason.
Britannia is Eire's closest neighbor.
I'm not gonna wait for this tyrant Arthur to come knockin' on my door.
Well, then, let's go knock on his.
- After you.
- Thank you.
What is it? - This happens now and then.
- What happens? So sorry.
I used to think they were daydreams at first until they started coming true.
So, what did you see this time? Strangest thing, really.
All of Britannia bowing to Arthur.
Then we'd better hurry.
Oh, I'm not making myself clear.
The people were bowing gladly, as if Arthur were their hero.
What is that? It's a liver, ripped from the body of King Hapsburg.
He was the last monarch to oppose us.
It's official.
Britannia is mine.
And now that I have an extra liver, I think I'll celebrate with a drink.
Happy now that you're lord of the apes? Oh, what's gotten into you? What's the point of enslaving this savage world? It's much too easy.
We have to get back to our own time.
I don't see how.
And since we're here, we might as well make the most of it.
Arthur, how long has Merlin been alive? For about a thousand years, I believe.
Ah, clever girl.
Merlin must be here, somewhere in this world.
Comb the villages.
- I want Merlin alive.
- Yes, milord.
If we kill Merlin, he will never live to see the day that he sent us back in time, and you and I will find ourselves home again.
Don't forget.
There's something we need first.
It belongs to me! Spare us any food.
Doesn't seem to me these people are on their knees by choice.
- Quite.
- Stop, thief! Whoa, hey! Where's the fire, sport? - Let me go! - Where are your parents? They're in jail.
They couldn't afford to pay the king's taxes.
And I can't afford to pay my workers! Don't give you the right to steal from my bakery.
He's right, you know.
But maybe you can make it up to him.
Would you have room to house a full-time worker if it only cost you a loaf of bread a day? I might, if I can trust him.
It's your move, kid.
You have my word.
All right.
I expect you to start work as soon as you finish your lunch.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Deftly handled, old chap.
Any king that would do this to his people doesn't deserve to live.
Sounds like the old Morrigan talking.
The old Morrigan killed without cause.
Take a look around ya.
I've got about a hundred reasons to hand him his head.
I can't say I disagree with you, but Merlin saw people bowing to Arthur willingly.
So? So maybe we can make his dream a reality.
If we don't try, we may be robbing the future of a great leader.
Maybe so, but if we waste any time trying to reason with him, these people might be paying with that future with their lives.
- Quite a dilemma indeed.
- Quite.
Are you sure this is the place? According to the legend.
Well, if the legend is wrong, I'm gonna look awfully foolish.
Guardian of Excalibur, it is Arthur of Camelot who summons you.
Arthur, son of Pendragon, has been fated to claim the throne of Britannia a thousand winters hence.
- You cannot be the king.
- I'm early.
- The king bears a sign.
- Like this one? Then it is my duty to bestow Excalibur upon you.
May you use it for righteousness in defense of the innocent.
We'll take that under advisement.
Who wants some? Excuse me, but where are we going? You want to find a king, you go to his castle.
You don't really think he's just gonna lower the drawbridge for us, do you? I certainly hope not.
Morrigan, be careful what you wish for.
- You! No, no.
You! - Hmm? You the one they call Merlin? That depends.
Who wants to know? King Arthur.
We're under orders to take this man into our custody.
Well, in that case, meet Bob.
Say hello to the good people, Bob.
- Hello to the good people, Bob.
- Well, I'm glad that's settled.
Shall we? Uh, stay behind us.
Those eyes.
I know those eyes.
We've found him.
Let's go together.
Good-bye, old friend.
Merlin! Good-bye, old friend.
Something tells me this isn't your ordinary sword.
Morrigan! You always were a fool, Merlin.
Did I do that? Uh-uh-uh-uh.
Make yourself comfortable.
Give me the sword, or your friend dies.
Well, then I guess my friend dies.
- I didn't know him that well anyway.
- What? Sorry, Merlin.
You seem like a nice enough guy, but this is a really great sword.
Don't test me.
I will kill him.
Huh.
You keep saying that, but I'm not seeing any results.
Hercules, what are you doing? Don't worry.
She doesn't have the power to kill you without this.
We'll see about that.
When you're ready to trade, you know where to find us.
Hercules! Uh! Don't get any ideas.
Keep still! Why are you smilin'? Because you're simply postponing the inevitable.
Mab will find me, and you two will spend the rest of your lives living as rodents.
Which, if you think about it, might be a step up for you savages.
If we're the savages, why are you the one going around enslaving people? What better way to tame a dog than to beat him into submission? - Right! - Don't give him the satisfaction.
We're wastin' our time.
What makes you think you're so much better than the rest of us? 'Cause he's from the future.
Aren't you? - I admit nothing.
- You don't have to.
You called Merlin your "old friend," but he's never met you before today.
So why is he in our time, then? Good question.
- What was that? - Nothing.
Something tells me Merlin's a bigger part of this than he realizes.
What are we waitin' for, then? Let's go get him.
Be my guest.
You cannot defeat Mab.
- You've got a lot of faith in her.
- As does she in me.
Really? So how come she seemed more interested in getting her hands on this sword than she did in saving your life? Now, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.
Oh, by all means, I'd certainly prefer to do it the easy way.
Good.
Now we're getting somewhere.
I demand that you send me back to the future.
Yes, that would be quite a trick, wouldn't it? - You're not serious, are you? - Deadly.
You brought us here.
Now send us back.
But I've never seen you before in my life.
You really have no idea who I am, do you? Isn't this a surprise! The all-knowing Merlin knows nothing.
You've yet to discover your sorcery.
Are you quite mad? What a delicious irony.
You taught me everything I know, and now you sit before me powerless.
Yes, well, I obviously didn't teach you any manners, did I? Now let me go.
I can't help you.
Oh, but you are helping.
After all, every mousetrap needs a piece of cheese.
I still think you're makin' a mistake.
I'm after justice, Morrigan, not vengeance.
Well, I'm not after vengeance either, Hercules.
So what do you suggest we do? Murder him? And you really think that by killing me with Excalibur, you'll be magically whisked back to your own time? Something like that.
Well, I can't be very smart in the future, sending you back in time to torment me like this.
Now that you mention it, you're not.
I'm doing you a favor.
Killing you now will spare you the ignominy of a wasted life.
- Oh, really? - Yes, really.
A man with your talents and powers advising others instead of controlling them? We are sorcerers, you and I! The world belongs to us.
Or more precisely, to me.
I see.
And does Arthur know how you feel about all this? Arthur knows nothing but what I tell him.
You did a fine job in raising him, but in the end there are some lessons only a woman can teach.
Yes.
Like the true meaning of pain, I suspect.
Quite right.
It seems that I've underestimated your abilities.
That makes two of us.
No matter.
In the end, nothing will save you.
You seem like one of the more intelligent savages.
Oh, thank you.
Why weren't you ruler of this place before I arrived? You can influence people without being above them.
What's the point? I mean, it's infinitely more comfortable to live in a castle than a hut.
Uh, maybe.
But if you have to hide behind a castle wall, you're just a prisoner in your own home.
How naive.
Do you really think civilized society can operate without a leader? A real leader is someone whose example lives on even after he's gone.
When you die, do you think your subjects are going to do anything other than dance on your grave? Halt! Fifty gold coins to pass in the name of King Arthur.
And how do you account for this show of loyalty? I am Arthur, ruler of Britannia.
Kneel.
It's a crime to impersonate the king, even if you are drunk.
What was that you were saying about loyalty? But I am the king, you idiots! You are my subjects! Now do your duty and arrest those two! There, Your Majesty! Over here! We should just let them finish him off.
What? All right, guys.
Let's, uh, break it up.
Come on.
Come on.
Okay, hey, hey! The party's over.
You guys had your fun, okay? - Go for it! - All right.
I guess it's time to give this thing a little test drive.
Never seen anything like it! Solid construction.
Handles well.
Huh.
Get him! Huh.
Turns on a dinar.
See, a real leader doesn't need a crown to be recognized.
Let's get out of here! If those soldiers make it back to their post, they'll have a hundred troops here in the blink of an eye.
Huh.
You know, that's the smartest thing you've said all day.
Uh, you two play nice.
He'll never catch them.
Oh, but it's all right with me, 'cause now we can spend a little quality time together.
Hercules seems to think there's good in your heart.
Well, let's cut it out and see for ourselves, shall we? Nothing personal.
Fore.
I knew this thing would slice.
Do it! I'm not afraid to die.
Good, 'cause I'm not afraid to kill ya.
What are you waiting for? Aren't you gonna put up a fight? So you can fool yourself into believing you committed murder in your own defense? If you're going to kill me, have the fortitude to do it in cold blood or back away! Consider yourself lucky.
If you and Morrigan had crossed paths a little while ago, she wouldn't have hesitated.
So when did she lose her backbone? She didn't.
She found it.
I'm sorry.
You must be upset with me.
No.
You were doing what you thought was right.
I couldn't even do that.
I can't believe you're beating yourself up because you didn't commit murder.
Remember what I said.
If I'm savin' countless lives in the future, I've got no problem with it.
Yes, you do or you would've killed him.
I feel weak.
How am I to be the Guardian of Justice if I'm not prepared to take the necessary steps? What you did doesn't make you weak.
It shows how much you've grown.
You've learned when to reap and when to sow, and I can't think of anyone more qualified for the job.
You always know just what to say, don't ya? Yep.
Hello.
You going somewhere? Try and keep up, would ya? It's easy to be confident when you've got Excalibur.
You think so, huh? Then here.
If you can get through me, you can go.
- What are you doin'? - Just trying to prove a point.
This is the last mistake you'll ever make.
You know, you're obviously smart.
You're obviously brave.
And you're not afraid to die.
I'd say there's just one thing you're missing.
All right.
I'll play along.
What's that? Strength comes from leadership, not the other way around.
Who are you? Someone who's seen dictators like you rise and fall in the blink of an eye.
If you really want to build a lasting kingdom, you have to inspire the people who live in it.
What do you know? I know that if the people could see you now, they wouldn't find you very inspiring.
I don't understand why we're sneaking about.
Mab's expecting us.
Indulge me.
Hercules! Thank goodness.
I have the most horrific itch and not a chance of reaching it.
Would you mind? How about I unchain you instead? Uh, oh, yes.
Let's get out of here.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do.
Where's Arthur? I killed him.
What do you care? You didn't want him.
You wanted the sword.
And he was the only one who could get it the poor, impressionable sap.
He should've listened to Merlin.
Maybe it's not too late to start.
Arthur.
You had me so worried.
So worried you were already dancing on my grave? Mab, ever heard the term "busted"? So be it.
I may not be able to kill Merlin without Excalibur, but I can certainly kill the rest of you! Huh.
Well, will you look at that! Now we can get out of here.
Waiting for spring thaw? Thank you so much for rescuing me.
My wrists were getting quite cramped.
You didn't think we'd leave you there forever, did you? No.
Sorry you had to find out that way, Arthur.
No, you're not.
Look, I don't take pleasure in other people's unhappiness.
If you can't see by now that we're trying to help you, then Morrigan's right.
You are a lost cause.
That didn't sound very promising.
- Did the earth move for you? - You wish.
Woman .]
Run for your lives! Oh, this can't be good.
Say hello to my little friend.
I'm glad she didn't bring her big friend.
Arthur, get him someplace safe.
Arthur! Come on, Merlin.
Is it teatime already? Mab.
Got it.
All right.
Here we go, Tin Man.
Let's see if you've got a heart.
You know, Mab's controlling the giant.
If I take her out, the giant goes down.
No.
She's too powerful.
This is a bad idea.
Since when did I garner the privilege of being under your protection? It's only fair.
After all, you did the same for me.
I've had just about enough of her! Nice shot! I've been wanting to do that all day.
This thing has a mind of its own.
Okay.
Nice handoff.
Wow! Trevin! Look out! Uh-oh.
Get out of here.
Hey! Big guy! Over here! Come here! Over here! Come on! This way! Come and get it! This way! This way.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, you worthless pile of scrap! Come on.
No! Over here, rust bucket! You want some, you great lug nut? Nooooo! Well, this is where it all started.
I wish I knew what I did to get you here, but I don't.
I'm afraid you're quite stuck.
Maybe not.
Retrace your steps.
Try to Try to remember what you were doing before you ended up here.
Well, I was standing here by the throne.
Only it wasn't a throne.
I was attempting to pull Excalibur our of a stone.
Okay.
Did the stone look like this? Indeed it did.
And was the sword something like that? Exactly like that.
Excalibur is yours.
You've earned it.
Thank you for teaching me the difference between respect and fear.
You'll make a great king, Arthur.
Thank you for sparing my life.
Just doing the right thing.
And you You I shall see soon enough.
I shall have to take your word on that.
Thank you.
For what? You'll see.
Welcome back, my king.
Merlin! It is I that should welcome you back to a new era of peace.
I have waited 1,000 years to hear you say that.
I'm glad you proved me wrong, Hercules.
I'm glad you trusted me.
Always.
Well, here we are.
I don't mean to be soundin' rude or anything, but the more time we spend together I know.
The harder it is to leave.
I feel the same way.
I best be gettin' on.
Yeah.
For the road.
I, uh I don't mean to pry, but did you two have a previous rendezvous? Maybe.
You may as well fess up.
I have visions, you know.
I will find out.
You keep your visions out of my business there, buddy boy.
Speaking of which, I'm certainly looking forward to discovering my powers, though I must admit this time displacement's rather dreary.
Yeah.
Well, I bet there's one time you wouldn't mind traveling to.
Oh, really? What time would that be? Teatime.
Care to join me? Rather! My future's looking brighter already.
So tell me something: Why is it that the Brits love their tea so much? Have you never tried tea? Never have tried it, no.
Oh, you are missing