Mom s05e19 Episode Script

1 was very sorry for the plane's unauthorized landing and the death of the Chinese pilot.
The plane left Guam What are you still doing here? - What do you mean? - Well, don't you have school? - Nope.
- What about work? I killed myself studying for the LSATs.
I'm taking a few days off.
So you're just gonna be here? That's the plan.
Huh.
What's she doing home? She's taking a few days off.
So she's just gonna be here? Am I really that big of a monkey wrench? No, don't be silly.
Listen, I'm gonna split.
Sorry, honey.
I'm as blindsided as you are.
Adam, I didn't mean to chase you out.
Oh, no, it's not about you, Christy.
Call me if she leaves.
What the hell goes on here when I'm gone? Don't ask the question if you don't want to picture the answer.
I watch The View at 11:00.
Is that gonna be a problem? Can I watch with you? Geez.
Now there's someone at the door? This day is a disaster.
Yeah? I'm sorry to bother you.
Are you the building manager? - Maybe.
You a cop? - Do I look like a cop? The good ones don't.
Well, actually, I saw the vacancy sign out front, and I'm interested in the apartment.
Oh, great.
Two bedroom, two bath, first and last, you know the drill.
Can you be any more specific? Uh, square footage, building amenities? Square footage, I would say medium.
And, uh, as for amenities, there's a weird guy on the third floor who'll rub your feet if you let him.
I have a dog.
Is that okay? The building owner doesn't allow pets, but if you slip me 50 bucks, we never had this conversation.
- So it'll be our little secret? - What? Who? See? That's what your $50 buys.
Well, this has been fun.
I'm Rita Gennaro, the new owner of this building, and we are off to a very poor start.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
- What is wrong with you? - I don't know.
I panicked.
You threw my whole day off.
Here you go.
If it's not how you like it, I'll make a new pot.
Please don't fire my mother.
You're sweet.
We'll see.
So, how'd you end up owning the building? What happened to Tony, who I never saw except when he brought me my Christmas bonus? My husband ran off with a home-wrecking slut.
Oh, no.
Well, does that mean you'll be bringing me my Christmas bonus? You know, I'm divorced, too, so I know what you're wrestling with.
Do I care about your life? Nope.
No, you don't, and you shouldn't.
So, what went down with Tony, whose toupee is no secret? He woke up one day and told me, "I'm leaving you for the dry cleaner.
" I just thought he was announcing his errands in a very formal way.
And then my world fell apart.
Your dry cleaner is a woman? That's the interesting part of the story for you? You just don't see it that often.
It's like a kindergarten teacher who's a man.
Not wrong, just weird.
Do you get money from the state to keep her? I should, shouldn't I? Well, Rita, this has been a treat.
Definitely pop in every couple of months.
We'd love to see you.
- I'm not done.
- And she's not done.
I want this building to generate income, and if we clean it up, I can raise the rent.
I could understand if he left me for some hot young thing, but she's a tubby seamstress with a mole the size of Coney Island.
So sorry you're going through - such a - Are we friends all of a sudden? - Well, I thought we shared a moment.
- We didn't.
Now, I got a list of things I need you to take care of.
Yikes.
Both sides, huh? Can I hire someone to do this work? - I already did hire someone.
- Oh, great.
Oh.
I'll be back Friday to check on the progress.
Or you could go on a long cruise.
Lot of people get a second chance of love on those things.
- Friday! - Cruise! Let me show you what I think about this list.
What is the matter with you? If she fires you, we lose our home.
Hold that thought.
Hi, honey.
Yeah, she's still here.
Oh, my God.
Are you actually working on the list? Yeah.
I got to thinking if I do one or two of the easy ones, it'll get her off of my ass for a while.
Is that duct tape? Hey, I've never used a hammer here.
I'm not gonna break my streak now.
Well, at least I have a nice, new car to live in.
Come on, baby.
Just till Friday.
Hey, watch your step, Mr.
Munson.
I'm on a ladder over here.
Let me guess, you're finally hanging yourself? Not yet.
I'm doing repairs around the building.
I figured you'd hang yourself before you did that.
Ha-ha-ha.
Hmm.
I'm coming up in a couple hours to install your smoke detector, so make sure you're wearing pants.
I could say the same thing to you.
Get ready, Match.
com.
Whoa, that's a lot of nose.
Rita, hi.
Oh, look who's a girl.
Yeah, I'm just trying to take a picture for a dating site.
I found my son doing that same thing.
His makeup was more subtle.
Well, I recently broke up with someone, so, you know, I'm trying to get back out there and We're not bonding here.
I found another leak in the laundry room.
The banister on the back staircase is loose.
Why aren't you writing this down? Okay.
Leak, banister.
Anything else? Would I keep it a secret? Right.
Hey, listen, um, I know this is a little weird, but since you're here, could you help me get a picture? My arms aren't long enough to make my nose look normal.
Okay.
I want to look pretty, but not slutty.
Available, but not desperate.
- Smart, but not - There.
But I wasn't quite Wow, that's perfect.
I hope you find someone quickly because at the rate your mother's going, you're going to need to find a new place to live.
No, no, no, no, she is trying so hard.
She really does love this job.
And my husband loved me.
Things change.
Tell your mother if she doesn't complete the repairs in three days, she's out.
But if you kick her out, you're gonna have to kick me out.
Maybe the new building manager can let you live with them.
You could be like the cat that comes with the apartment.
No, no, she's gonna do it.
You'll see.
She's not nearly as incompetent as you might think.
Was that the light? I'm adding it to the list.
Oh! Is she gone? Where'd you come from? I saw her car out front, so I snuck around back.
Corn dog? Ah, look at this.
"Take pictures of work when you're finished and send to me"? Who does she think she is? I got your first picture right here.
- Mom.
- Oh, right.
- Whoa! - No! No! Oh.
You mean don't do it.
Sorry, Bonnie, but I'm with Rita.
If I don't crack the whip with my staff, my swans will never get fed.
Oh, you and your relatable problems.
You've been managing this building for four years.
You know the job.
Why are you fighting so hard against it? Oh, look who's found something to sink her dentures into.
And I already ordered, so I can't leave.
Why are you sweating about this? Just do your job.
Says the woman whose only job is shopping.
Hey, I am at those stores every morning at 10:00 a.
m.
when they open up.
I would've fired you days ago.
I would've fired her years ago.
I would've never hired her in the first place.
You know what, I don't have to sit here and listen to this.
Screw you all.
Waitress, I'd like my taco bowl in the bathroom.
Well, this was not a good plan.
- Bonnie - No.
Why do I keep locking myself into smaller spaces? Go away! I'm not going anywhere.
Well, then I guess I live here now.
What are you doing, Bonnie? Oh, don't go all Marjorie on me please.
I hate my boss.
There's no underlying blah, blah, blah.
Oh, there's always underlying blah, blah, blah.
- Are you trying to blow up your life? - No! Okay, let's play a game.
- Pretend I'm your boss.
- Good-bye.
That job puts a roof over your head.
Why are you so resistant to doing it? Because I hate it! It's humiliating! I'm in my 50s, and I'm plunging toilets.
- This was not the dream, Marge.
- Okay, what is the dream? Well, I don't know, but it doesn't involve chasing raccoons out of a garbage closet.
But that is the job.
Right.
And if I do it well, then I'll be doing it for the rest of my life, and then that's just who I am.
Damn it, we just found the underlying blah, blah, blah.
Look, you might not be doing what you want to with your life, but that's not Rita's fault.
Shut up.
Bonnie, the job isn't who you are.
It's just what you're doing on the road to what you're gonna be.
I said shut up.
Did you actually want this in here? No fork? What am I, an animal? Got to say, these things are a lot easier to drag without a body inside.
Adam, what the hell are you doing? Fixing the fountain.
All I said was clean out the leaves.
I told you above and beyond makes her mad.
I just think if this was level and the tubing was replaced, that I could get it working again.
You could even have fish in here.
Fish? She barely kept me alive.
What will you talk about when you finally forgive me for the past? I'm not overly concerned.
Just shove that thing back on the wall.
Hey, you know, don't ask for my help if you don't want the job done right.
Oh, God, Rita's coming.
How do you know? All the birds just flew out of that tree.
Rita, hi.
What a lovely giant flower sweater.
I thought I made it clear I'm not paying for extra help.
Oh, don't worry, I pay him in sex and her in Doritos.
Cool Ranch, family size.
So you two are together? Yes, this is Adam, my fiancé.
- Hi, good to meet you - Let me see the ring.
Nice.
Just be careful where you send his shirts.
Rita, I want to apologize if I seemed a little resistant to what are obviously necessary upgrades to our lovely building.
You are the boss, so what you say goes.
Thank you for understanding what everyone else who has a job already understands.
Oh, my God, I got a match on Match.
I matched.
Is it desperate if I call him right now? I don't, I don't care.
You've done such a wonderful job with her.
Now, I've been looking over the rent receipts and we have a few tenants that are behind.
Anyone who owes more than two months, - get the money or evict them.
- Not a problem.
I have some experience shaking down people for money.
As part of my extensive charity work.
Yes, that fits perfectly with everything I know about you.
Funny one, boss.
I'll find out whose bike that is.
Wow, Bonnie, you handled that great.
Oh, good, you're impressed.
What the hell do I care? - Why are you snapping at me? - Because I can't snap at her.
I love you, you're sweet.
Hey.
Quick question, am I desperate enough to have frozen yogurt with a magician? I don't care.
Hi, Mr.
Mysterio, it's a go.
Three months? I thought I was only two months behind.
Sorry to bring it up, it's just the new owner is kind of cracking down.
So where do you hide the cash? Cereal box? Cookie jar? Stuffed inside a frozen chicken? Thieves never look inside a chicken.
You know what, I'm out of checks.
How 'bout I get it to you later this week? I kind of need it now.
I could drive you to the bank.
I don't have it, Bonnie.
You mean like on the level you don't have it? I don't know if you're looking at me, but I'm shaking my head.
You've lived here for a hundred years, you're never late with the rent.
Hang on, you just put two of the big ones in the Thursday slot.
Is that right? It is if I want to sleep till Sunday.
- Let me do this.
- Yeah.
- One in each? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks.
I'm not, uh, concentrating too good right now.
So what's going on? Well, a couple of months ago, I got diagnosed with, uh, prostate cancer.
They found it early, but they put me on a couple of medications the VA doesn't cover, so You can't pay your rent.
Oh, I could pay it, but then I'd have a whole lot of cancer.
Sorry.
These ones are Monday, Wednesday, and-and Friday.
There's got to be something you can do.
Well, I've been trying to avoid the building manager, but here you are.
Son of a bitch.
- We just took a break.
- It's been two minutes.
- Not you.
Munson.
- Who's Munson? - Blind guy who lives upstairs.
- Oh, I like him.
One day we were hanging out in front of the building, we made five bucks for doing nothing.
You guys should go out there till he makes his rent 'cause he's three months behind.
And he won't pay? He can't.
I'm not evicting a blind veteran who has cancer.
- I'm not doing it.
- He's got cancer? Prostate.
And you're getting a full physical, mister, including the finger thing.
And don't pinch up, they got to really look around.
Anyway, Munson can't afford his meds and rent.
He's got no family, no support system.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna try to talk some sense into Rita.
Calmly and rationally? Please? Look, I made peace with the fact that eating crap is part of my job, but this is where I draw the line.
Yeah, that's right, I draw a line sometimes.
See, now, that didn't sound calm and rational.
That sounded hot and "we get kicked out-y.
" You're right, you're right.
It just burns me up that-that rich people like Rita run everything and people like us and Munson get screwed.
I did stunts on a movie like this one time.
It was called Ski Academy.
The rich kids wouldn't let the poor kids be on the ski patrol.
The poor kids turned off the power to the lift, so the rich kids got stuck.
Anyway, I got it on VHS if anybody wants to see it.
Here we are.
I've got two kinds of cookies, some cheese, and a rogue chicken nugget.
Can I get you anything else or are you good? I'm swaddled in luxury.
Now why am I here? Here's the thing.
One of the tenants you asked me to evict is Mr.
Munson in 2G.
He's a blind Vietnam vet who's now facing a health crisis.
And while you're the boss, and I'm on board with that, I got to respectfully say can we talk about this a second? No.
I can't afford to know these people as people.
- I'm running a business here.
- But they are people.
If I make an exception for every sad story, where does it end? Have you looked at this building? If you live here, you have a sad story.
And now I rely on this building to survive.
That's my sad story.
We are this close to having a working fountain.
I'm done talking.
Evict him, or I'll find somebody who will.
Well, then I quit.
I may hate my job, but I don't have to hate myself.
And by the way, whatever part of you that's comfortable throwing a blind man out on the street is maybe the part your husband ran screaming from.
I'm sorry, I know this screws us, but I just couldn't do it.
No, no, no, don't be sorry.
I'm so glad you didn't let her turn you into a horrible person.
Well, back into one.
And maybe we end up crashing at Adam's for a while.
Totally.
Sure.
I'm not heartless.
I just don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I'm alone, I'm scared.
I haven't worked in 32 years, and now I got to run this crap-box.
I mean, is this who I am now? No, no, it's not who you are.
It's just what you're doing on the road to who you're gonna be.
What? Okay, your husband left you, but that's not Mr.
Munson's fault.
Just like it's not your fault that I'm not doing what I want to do.
It made sense in the bathroom.
Look, two strong, smart women like us can put our heads together and come up with a reasonable plan where you get the rent you so richly deserve and he gets to keep his apartment.
I'd be open to that.
- Thank you.
- I'm not a monster.
Though there is a kid on the third floor with a bunny that needs to go.
You got it, the kid's out of here.
- I meant the bunny.
- Better.
This is working out a lot like Ski Academy.
The discount card we found in the mail actually did work for your prescription.
Mm.
The GoFundMe page is hanging in there.
It might've helped if you hadn't paraded around the building wearing a "No Fat Chicks" T-shirt.
Well, how the hell am I supposed to know what my T-shirts say? And for the record, I do like a little meat on the bones.
Well, I'll try and get the word out.
- I'll also help you run errands so you don't have to take a cab.
- Mm.
And Rita is willing to let you pay off the back rent over time.
Mm.
So this Rita is she a good-looking woman? - Yeah, she's very - What the hell?! You didn't tell me the little one was here! You want to give him a heart attack? You know he can't afford that.
Yes!