Sabrina The Teenage Witch s05e19 Episode Script

( Clicking ) ( whistling tune ) Spellman, this has got to stop.
This is the third night you've woken me up because you can't sleep.
Well, third night's the charm.
Look, something's obviously bothering you.
What's going on? Nothing.
I just can't sleep.
I know the feeling.
I'll be on the couch.
And don't tell me nothing's wrong.
You've been in a funk for a week.
Even your perkiness has lost its pop.
That is so not true.
I'm at the popping peak of my perkiness.
I'm totally funkless.
Absolutely nothing is bothering me.
Okay, now something's bothering me.
Life's changing around me, and I'm gonna make it mine I'm reaching out and living by my rules Time's moving way too fast I wanna make it last 'Cause I'm out on my own now And I like the way it feels.
How's the car coming? Is it supposed to sound like that? SALEM: No, it's not supposed to sound like that.
I'm afraid the Zeldamobile is dead.
It can't be.
She was fine yesterday when I drove her to the Piggly Wiggly.
I'm telling you, there's nothing more I can do.
It's time to pull the plug and buy a new car.
Well, I can't do that.
Hilda's not back from her singles' cruise for another week, and I've never bought a car by myself before.
There was a time you'd never been blonde before but you gave that a shot.
Hi.
Notice anything different about me? Not only is your car dead but your niece needs a smog check.
You poor dear.
I had no idea you were so upset.
Why does everyone keep assuming I'm upset? I'm just a little damp.
Sabrina, you have a black cloud over your head.
That only happens when a witch is in a funk and keeping it all bottled up.
We're a very literal species.
Let's hope I never become a bleeding-heart liberal.
Is this about Kevin? No.
School? School's fine.
Kevin and I are ancient history and that's totally okay.
If you don't mind I'd like to take a look and see what your little cloud is made of.
Hmm, that's funny.
I'm seeing a lot of sadness over your breakup with Kevin-- lingering feelings for Harvey-- conflicted emotions about Josh-- and you're clearly overwhelmed with schoolwork.
Not even.
Sometimes it just feels like I'm being pulled in so many different directions.
You know, like everyone expects me to be perfect all the time.
Now, the only person who expects you to be perfect is you.
We all love you no matter what.
Thank you, Aunt Zelda.
And you see? Just by getting it off your chest your little black cloud is gone.
But what if it comes back? I don't want to be depressed again.
And the wet look is totally dead.
Well, Sabrina, the only way to be sure that a black cloud won't return is to get out of yourself.
Do something that's truly for others.
Like what? Well, you could help me shop for a used car.
Oh, I don't want to set my sights too high.
Maybe I'll start with bathing lepers and work my way up.
Hey, did anybody see this? I'm thinking of going to the big protest rally this afternoon at the Mayflower Apartments.
Ooh, yeah, I heard about that.
They want to tear down that old historic building.
and make way for a new parking structure.
I am so there.
I've been to tons of demonstrations and I don't mean to get all braggy but I've actually been arrested twice.
Once with Martin Sheen.
Wow.
A few more arrests and you'll be qualified to be president.
Well, you can definitely count me in.
Really?! Really?! Really?! Absolutely.
If there's one thing this university needs is more parking.
Morgan, the protest is to save the building and stop the parking structure.
Oh.
Have a nice time.
Josh and I are going to stay here and snuggle on the couch.
Actually, I'd like to go to the rally.
The Mayflower's architecture's pretty amazing.
I'd love to get some photographs before they level the place.
Crumbling bricks over taut flesh.
Good choice.
Miles, how about you? Challenging authority, public insurrection general mayhem? I'm all over it.
Hey, this is our first group act of civil disobedience.
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo? That'll go over great at the protest.
All we are saying is give "Whoo-hoo" a chance.
Salem? I did it.
I found the perfect car at the first dealer.
It's blue.
The leather is practically new and it has the most darling cup holders.
Cup holders? What about the mileage? The tread on the tires? Has the car ever been in an accident? I didn't think to ask.
But there's a lighted makeup mirror on both visors.
Never send a woman to do a cat's job.
( with deep voice ): Hello.
Yes, this is Mr.
Spellman.
My wife hasn't made up her mind yet.
What are you doing? I know she said she liked the car but I can't let her take it at that price.
Salem, give me that phone.
Let's just say she's a lot more competent in the boudoir than she is under the hood.
Hello, this is Mrs.
Spellman.
I'm afraid I'll have to call you back.
I'm about to become a widow.
I told you I can handle this.
Oh, yeah? Then why did Mr.
let's-make-a-deal immediately give me $500 off? What?! He said that price was firm.
What makes him think he can take advantage of me? You're a rube? ( chanting ): Save the Mayflower.
Save the Mayflower.
Save the Mayflower.
Save the Mayflower.
This is just what I needed.
I am totally out of my funk.
I haven't even thought about my tragic breakup my grades, my lack of direction Okay, well, not as much as I was before.
Hey, save the Mayflower.
This is so morally gratifying.
And I'm getting a fairly decent upper body workout.
It's a wonderful thing you kids are doing here.
Have some lemonade.
Oh, it's nothing, you know.
We're just holding up a few signs raising a little awareness.
Listen, Lawman, before you break out the K-9 units and water cannon, may I remind you that the First Amendment of the U.
S.
Constitution clearly states that we have a right for free assembly.
Aw, geez.
Rox, give it a rest, would you? Officer Carmichael? Yeah.
I didn't recognize you.
You lose some weight? Yeah, yeah.
I'm on The Zone.
You know, I missed you at the No Nukes rally.
I Had a Save The Whales brunch.
You know, these cornices are one of the best examples of Romanesque revival in the city.
Yeah.
We tried to get them declared a historical landmark but we didn't make the cut.
And now, we've got 30 days to pack up and move out.
That's terrible.
Are a lot of young families going to be displaced by the parking lot? Half the tenant are families with kids.
And the other half are seniors.
I've been living here for 50 years.
Married my husband right there on this stoop.
Divorced him in the laundry room.
I don't know how we're going to find a place to live.
So they're not just knocking down a building-- they're destroying people's lives.
Look, maybe it's not over yet.
Maybe this protest will really do some good.
You're an optimistic little firecracker, aren't you? We'd hoped the protest would attract some media attention.
But so far, none of the newspapers or TV stations have returned our calls.
Hey, I'm the media.
I could write a piece for the Adams' paper then word would spread and people would learn about your plight and the university wouldn't dare throw you out in the street.
Well, that's very sweet of you.
Now get your little heinie out of my flower bed.
You're killing my petunias.
I had a feeling you'd be back.
That car's just calling out your name.
I know, I just love.
Meow.
cars.
A subject I know quite a lot about.
I can see that.
Well, like I told your husband I can give it to you for 11 thou.
Well, that seems like a very good price.
Meow! Uh, if I hadn't noticed the excessive wear on the tires and the shoddy repair work to the fender.
Why, I wouldn't give you a penny over $9,000.
You're a pretty tough little negotiator.
What say I throw in some brand-new tires shave off a few bucks for the fender and I give it to you for $10,500.
That seems like a very reasonable compromise.
Meow! Oh, hush up, kitty.
Where do I sign? Ow! Would you excuse me for a moment? What are you doing?! Can't you see? He's ripping you off.
He seems like a perfectly honest man.
Yeah, and I don't use your toothbrush to clean my ears.
That's disgusting.
( Salem sputtering ) I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to do a little comparison shopping.
I really love your angle-- "People Before Parking.
" It's inspired.
Of course, no one ever stands up for the people who need parking.
Hey.
Hi.
You don't think it's too sentimental? Not at all.
You know I got to say, I'm really impressed.
Most people our age are too self-absorbed to get this involved.
Not only do you care, you put it in print.
As much as I also care about people I've never met we have a 7:30 dinner reservation.
I wonder if this is why Ralph Nader stayed single.
One look at his suits will tell you why.
Come on.
Okay, well, have fun and don't eat any endangered species.
Hey, let me know if you need any help.
I don't think I'm the one that needs the help.
Blue days, all of them gone Nothing but blue skies from now on.
I think I liked you better when you were depressed.
Look, there's Dean Pitchford.
He's the one in charge of the demolition of the Mayflower.
Hi, Dean Pitchford.
I'm Sabrina Spellman.
Oh, yes, our resident instigator.
Well, thanks to your article I had a sleepless night fielding phone calls from parents and trustees.
Maybe you'd sleep better if you did what was right and kept those tenants in their homes.
Or, you know, you could just screen your calls.
Well, thanks.
But I won't have to worry about my phone ringing anymore.
The Board of Trustees just had an emergency meeting and resolved the problem.
Well, that's great.
Wait a minute.
How exactly did you resolve it? Hi, Mrs.
Smiley, I'm so glad you're here.
I just saw the Dean and he said the Board resolved the problem but he didn't say how.
Well, apparently your article really put a fire under him.
That's great.
You must be so happy.
We don't have time to be happy.
Now they say we have to packed up and out of here by next week.
Sabrina, stop beating yourself up about this.
Nobody's blaming you.
Yeah, but if I hadn't written that article They were going to be evicted anyway.
Just not quite this soon.
Wow.
Somebody sure has a black cloud over her head.
What? Oh, I can explain.
Uh, it's just a weird atmospheric convergence There's no cloud over my head.
No, it's something we native English-speakers call "just an expression.
" Sabrina's upset because they're evicting everyone at the Mayflower.
That's awful! And you worked so hard on your little article.
I think that somebody needs to treat herself to a new pair of shoes.
Seriously.
How could the dean and the board of trustees hear about those people and still be so cold-hearted? Most people don't react to things like you and I do, Sabrina.
That's because, to the normal world, these people are just faceless strangers.
Well, maybe if they saw the faces of those tenants they wouldn't be so apathetic.
Faces Of course.
You just gave me an idea, Spellman.
How's this? Hot off the laser printer.
I also took the liberty of airbrushing Mrs.
Smiley's mole.
Oh, these photos are perfect.
When people see these faces, they're going to know how important this cause is.
Yeah, I'm still here.
Great! All right! We'll see you tomorrow at 3:00.
All right, Channel Six is coming to our protest.
Woo-hoo! No way! That's fantastic! I'm sorry, am I missing something? Oh, great news.
Tomorrow, we are holding the biggest demonstration that has ever been held at Adams College and three news crews are coming.
And a reporter from the Boston Globe.
A dozen posters, ready to go.
Ooh.
The guy at Kinko's was so moved he gave me free collating for the rest of my life.
Wow, these are perfect.
Okay, we still got a ton of things to organize.
We got to plaster these up all over campus.
Well, I can be in charge of that.
You want to help me, honey? Josh, I hate to drop a reality bomb on this little do-gooder convention but we have plans tonight.
We're going to the opening of that new club, the Trocadero.
Oh, man, I totally forgot.
Maybe you could plaster one of these up while you're there.
Oh, no can do.
The only place Josh's hands are going to be are on me.
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cancel.
What?! I-I bought a new dress I told everybody that we're coming and I pulled major strings to get us in.
Morgan, these people are about to lose their homes.
I think that's a little more important than seeing you and your friends dressed in Saran Wrap yet again.
Do you really wear Saran Wrap? It's pleather.
Josh, you can't just dismiss me.
We promised each other that if we had a disagreement we would at least discuss it.
Well, your idea of discussing it means I change my mind.
And it's been working so well for us.
Well, it's not working this time.
I'm going with Sabrina.
Of course you are.
Sabrina says jump and suddenly you're slapping flyers all over a school you don't even go to.
So on a scale from one to ten how uncomfortable do you feel right now? Very comfortable.
Feels just like home.
You know, I understand if you want to be with Morgan.
No, no, I want to be with you.
I mean, here, working on this, with you.
I have had it.
I have been to every used car lot on the eastern seaboard.
One more toupee-wearing, polyester-clad salesman calls me "little lady" You're worries are over, little lad-ya.
I've come across a couple of beauties that I think will be perfect for you.
A '72 Oldsmobile?! Salem, that thing's a land yacht.
Well, as you fade into your golden years you may find yourself spreading a little and you'll want a nice bench seat.
This is ridiculous! I am going to get that little blue car we saw yesterday.
Fine.
Get the car.
But since I'm the one maintaining it at least let me look under the hood.
All right.
But for goodness sake, this time could you try to be a little more discreet? How does it look? Water pump's new but it looks like the cylinder head might be loose.
I wish I had a wrench! Well, little lady have I got good news for you.
I talked to my manager he has agreed to your $9,000 offer.
Well, that's wonderful.
Let's go sign the papers.
I'll be there in just a sec.
Salem, he's going to meet our price.
Oh! I'm stuck! Oh, is there a problem? Um, no, it's just that well my cat is stuck.
I can see that.
But don't you worry, we'll take him out of there.
And if anything goes wrong then we'll just get you a new cat any color you'd like.
PROTESTERS ( chanting): People before parking! People before parking! Spellman, you rock.
This is so much better than the genetically-engineered corn rally I can't even tell you.
Thanks.
Coming from you, that's quite a compliment.
What's with the new jewelry? It's not really a protest unless I chain myself to something.
We all have our little traditions.
Hey, Miles, have you seen Josh? He's supposed to be corraling the news crews.
No, I haven't.
But I have made an amazing discovery.
Chicks dig social revolutionaries.
Down with The Man! Hey, Sabrina, we've got problems.
Josh, what's the matter? Where are the news crews? They're all covering a breaking story.
Apparently it's the biggest thing since Baby Jessica.
Paramedics are standing by as firefighters work tirelessly to free the terrified feline.
We'll keep you updated as this tragic situation unfolds.
Meanwhile, let's see if we can get a comment from the grief-stricken owner.
Oh, really, he's fine.
So you're saying you could just throw me over your shoulder? Gotta go.
Here.
ZELDA: Well, he's truly like a member of the family.
REPORTER: Sure.
Hey, Aunt Zelda.
What are you doing? You're totally Bogarting my coverage.
Well, I'm sorry, but I can't use my magic with all these people watching.
I have an idea-- Do you think you can keep everyone's attention on you for a minute? Well, that shouldn't be a problem.
Salem, you're ruining my protest.
Yeah? Like I planned on waving my butt on national television! Can't you just suck it in a little? I am! I got to cut back on the nachos.
On the plus side, I am now a celebrity.
No, your butt's a celebrity.
Not the first time.
We'll have to get the Jaws of Life! It'll take a couple hours! ( gasping ) I don't have a couple of hours.
( screaming ) Is he all right? Are there any missing limbs? Oh, he's fine.
No harm done until we get home.
Cut.
Let's pack it in.
Hey, did you know the students are storming the administration building over at Adams? Well, it's not a cat stuck in an engine block, but it's better than nothing-- Let's go; let's roll.
So shall we go sign the papers? Absolutely.
But there's one slight problem.
Your cat seems to have done some damage while he was stuck in there.
I would say $2,000 worth? So we're back to the original asking price.
Right you are, little lady.
Well, in that case, I'd like to trade in my cat.
Do you have a '97 calico with low mileage? We're reporting live from Adams College where administrators are planning on turning 50 residents of the Mayflower Apartments out onto the cold streets of Boston.
Excuse me! May I have your attention? PROTESTERS: People before parking! Please! May I please have your attention? Quiet down.
Let the man speak.
After careful consideration of the plight of the Mayflower residents which was, fortunately, brought to our attention Adams College is prepared to compensate the tenants by providing housing in the Candor Arms a new residential community on the other side of the campus.
You call that compensation? How can you insult these people by asking them to move from their beloved homes into pre-fab cardboard boxes? PROTESTERS: Yeah! Do these pre-fab cardboard boxes have washers and dryers in each unit? You bet.
And dishwashers? Yes, sir.
How are appliances supposed to compare to a lifetime of memories? Compared to my memories, they win hands down.
When do we move? Ah, that's the spirit! ( paper ripping ) Aw, what's the matter? Post-protest blues? I guess.
You know the university is still going to tear down that building.
I just feel like we settled.
Sabrina, this wasn't about a building, it was about people-- you said so yourself.
And they're happy.
I don't think they feel like they're settling.
You did a good thing.
You really think so? Yeah, I do.
You're pretty amazing.
Sabrina Sabrina, I just want to tell you how wonderful this all is.
Thanks to you and your boyfriend, I got a new home.
Oh, well, I'm glad it all worked out.
And he's not my boyfriend.
He already has a girlfriend.
Well, actually, not anymore.
Morgan and I broke up this morning.
What? Really? Oh, Josh, I'm so sorry.
No, she's not.
( nervous chuckle ) It's really over this time.
He had his mind made up.
Nothing that I could say or wear was gonna change it.
I'm sorry, Morgan.
I know how much you cared about him.
I did.
But in the end, I guess I was just too much woman for him.
You know, I really think that he would rather be with someone like you.
Really? Did he did he say that? I mean, did he actually mention me by name? I didn't say you, I said someone like you.
Oh.
Right.
Oh, I just I don't know what I'm going to do, Sabrina.
I just feel so depressed.
All I could say is, you got to get out of yourself.
You know, you got to focus all your energies on something positive.
Yeah, that's excellent advice but I think I'll just stay with my own tried and true method.
Hi, Dave! I'm all ready.
Bye.
Now why didn't I think of that?