Black-ish (2014) s05e20 Episode Script

1 DRE: America has been described as a cultural melting pot.
Every major city has neighborhoods that reflect that diversity.
And they all have something to offer.
People can go to Little Italy for great pasta, Chinatown for acupuncture and Eastern medicine, and the Black part of town for [Ding.]
nothing.
Because most Americans avoid the Black parts of town, and we could get into all the reasons why.
White flight, red lining, lack of business investment, slumlords, predatory lending, restrictive covenants I could go on.
But let's just say "racism.
" See, while other cultural neighborhoods are seen as exotic, Black ones are stereotyped as dangerous.
But these neighborhoods are lively and vital.
They go by a lot of names Harlem, Watts, Treme, and Atlanta.
But they're all one thing to us home.
Yep.
- Oh, hey! - Hey, guys! So, how was your day out? It was great.
Mm-hmm.
Except for the fact that your kids are scared of Black people.
I'm a Black man in a White world What are you talking about? Well, uh, they got scared as soon as they got to my neighborhood.
I would say "scurred," but I think that would be too black, and I don't want them afraid of me, too.
- Okay, guys - Oh, Rhonda.
What did you do? Nothing.
Don't Don't listen to Auntie Rhonda.
Yeah.
How can we be afraid of Black people? We're Black people.
- [Chuckles.]
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
- [Chuckles.]
Okay, then why did you lock the car door as soon as we crossed Adams? Jack's deathly afraid of falling out of moving cars.
It's called "hodophobia.
" - Google it.
- Mm-hmm.
What about Jack standing at the front door the entire time we were at the LeBron James Krispy Kreme? Jack's deathly afraid of earthquakes.
Seismophobia.
What else you got? The soul food spot, when you said you needed to go to the bathroom as a group "just to be safe.
" Jack's deathly afraid of hand dryers.
I'm a mess, okay? What? This is your fault, Dre.
If the boy is soft, it's because of Bow.
What?! I told you not to nurse him for that long.
Dre, you told me we needed to save money on food.
Dre, the reason they're scared of Black neighborhoods is because you don't bring them down there enough.
But since you have hundreds of dollars just chillin' so you can buy some diamond earrings, I'm sure you can turn your back on the community.
Okay, first off, they cost thousands of dollars.
And secondly, I did not turn my back on my community.
I'm not down there often because it's too far.
I've seen you drive 15 miles for a Cronut.
That's nothing.
Have you ever had a Cronut? You talkin' 'bout how my baby like Cronuts? - [Laughs.]
- Okay, look, Rhonda, we work hard to make sure - the twins are surrounded - Very.
with Black life and culture.
Yeah! My babies are plenty black.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- They know spades, dominoes - Mm-hmm.
Yep.
- bid whist - Mm-hmm.
Black Sorry.
My Bad! I was so good at "My Bad!" - What? - Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, Rhonda, our kids are around a lot of Black people.
Some would say too many.
And when I say "too many," I mean Ruby.
- Ooh.
- DRE: Okay, you know what? There's a simple way to settle this.
Children, are you "scurred" of Rhonda's neighborhood? - No.
- No.
- See? There you have it.
- Uh-huh.
Well, you believe what you want, Dre, but I know what I saw.
Hm.
Ohh! Mnh-mnh-mnh.
I blew it at work.
Wh Did a patient die? No.
Probably.
[Snorts, grunts.]
This is worse.
Happy birthday to you [Laughs.]
- Whoo! - Yeah! Yay! Amazing! - I'm touched.
- Aww.
You know it's been a big year for me, and - Yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
Cake time.
- Let's go! Here we go! - Yeah.
Okay.
What? All right.
- Hey! Oh, my God! Okay.
Hold on! Hold on! - That's a good piece right there Okay, okay, let me just just let me let me do it.
I'm just gonna I'll Yep.
Okay, so, when you have a big cake like this, you wanna you wanna make a circle around the middle [Sighs.]
- just in here like this, right? - Mm-hmm.
'Cause then, when you cut the pieces, they are all a nice manageable size.
[Laughs.]
See the way that happens? - Nicely done! - Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Okay.
This is your job now.
Mazel.
[Chuckles.]
Why me? I mean, you're a mother of five.
You obviously know your way around a birthday cake.
May I please have a piece with a flower? Ooh, I think I should get the flower.
It's my birthday.
No offense.
And now I'm seen as "the mom.
" But you are a mom.
Being "the office mom" is a trap.
You're never seen as an equal.
That's why I don't think about you or talk about you at work.
- You don't? - No.
But I'm such a braggable kid! You're so proud of me, right? Of course I am! Sweetheart, you don't think I want to scream about you from the rooftops? About your SAT scores and your podcast? Oh, my God, Junior, you are my heart walking around outside my body! But at work, you're dead to me.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
I-I'm confused, but I'm still gonna give you my opinion.
- Well - I feel like you're reading into the little things that no one else is noticing.
Okay, Junior, trust me.
All right? Working women deal with this kind of stuff all the time.
Well, maybe there is a less extreme way for you to rewrite your role at the office.
I don't think so.
You know how I grew in my mustache? I wanted to stop being seen as a lanky kid and be seen as a lanky man.
- Thanks, Junior.
- Mm-hmm.
You know you're always gonna be my lanky baby, right? - Oh, stop.
- Right? I mean, come here! Bring it in! Oh, gosh! Ohhhhhh! No one can know about this at work.
- Okay.
- No.
STEVENS: Hey, Dre.
You okay? No.
My sister thinks my kids are afraid of her neighborhood.
Mm.
Where does she live? Leimert Park.
Where's that? Off Crenshaw.
- ALL: Ohh.
- Fancy! What's the "Ohh" for? Well, they're not wrong, Dre.
It's the ghetto.
It's not a ghetto.
Well, it's still a place that I would not feel safe.
Exactly like Syria or prison or any place with a salad bar.
Okay, we have a different relationship - with our neighborhoods, all right? - CHARLIE: Mm-hmm.
You guys only get the negative representation.
There is so much more there.
So much more.
If you're looking for a Baptist church, - we got you.
- Amen.
- If you're looking for an AME church, - Mm-hmm.
- we got you.
- Praise it.
Looking for a Church of God in Christ? - We got you.
- Hallelujah.
- Looking for a Church's Chicken? - Eh We got you.
Thank you, Charlie.
Just saying.
We got a gang of churches.
All right, all right, we also have book stores and markets and history.
Hell, I'd like to take my kids there more often, but it's it's just inconvenient.
Ah, "inconvenient.
" Is Is that the new euphemism, Dre? Oh, let let let me try this.
Okay, you know what else is inconvenient? Pit bulls.
Rap concerts.
A Lakers game.
I find any Martin Luther King Junior Boulevard inconvenient.
I see what you're doing.
And those racist fears are what keeps our communities on the margin while others become the nation's fabric.
I, for one, am not afraid of our neighborhoods.
Yeah, well your kids may be.
I have a suburban kid, and it takes real effort for me to make sure that Eustace is comfortable in a Black neighborhood.
You make a good point.
My kids are pretty suburban.
I don't know who, but one of them is DVR-ing "Riverdale.
" - The best.
- Mm.
Unbelievable.
Maybe I should check in and make sure they're not afraid.
That's smart.
Worked for Eustace.
Now he's good in the hood.
I could drop him off anywhere and have.
[Chuckles.]
[Gasps.]
- "Riverdale"! - What? [Engines revving.]
Guys, do I have a surprise for you.
If Mom is pregnant again, I am going to scream! No.
I bought you something.
Who wants to go see Travis Scott at Staples Center downtown? - No way! - Really?! Yes way.
We can make a day out of it dinner downtown, hanging out downtown.
Sound cool, right? Yeah! This is gonna be awesome! Oh, wait a minute.
I messed up.
I bought Travis Scott tickets for the Forum in Inglewood.
Inglewood? Like Inglewood Inglewood? Yes! Inglewood.
I mean, we'll still make a day out of it dinner in Inglewood, hanging out in Inglewood, right? Um I mean obviously, we're we're you know, still - we still want to do it, but - Yeah.
maybe maybe we should just do the concert, you know? - Get in, get out.
- Exactly.
We don't want to weigh on your busy schedule by making a whole day out of it.
Yeah, it seems like it's gonna be inconvenient.
- Yeah.
Good one.
- Mm-hmm.
Damn it.
You are scared of Black neighborhoods.
W-Whoa! What are you doing?! [Grunts.]
Destroying $400 to teach you a lesson.
Clear out your Saturday and sag your pants, because we are hanging with the Blacks.
[Gasps.]
And I mean Black Blacks.
All right, Dad.
Ready to go.
All right, great.
Hey, meet me in the car.
I'll just finish punching in Rhonda's address, and we'll be on our way to South Los Angeles.
Ah.
[Sighs.]
All right.
[Engine starts.]
You seriously don't remember how to get to your sister's house? I remember important things, like birthdays.
When's mine? The same as hers.
And when's mine? Two minutes before his.
gettin' weak, and my gun might blow But we gon' be all right We gon' be all right I can't believe this was the place my kids were afraid of.
The lawns are mowed.
There are no loose dogs.
People are jogging.
That's right jogging.
This place is safe.
No it's a treasure.
In fact, all kinds of famous people lived here Ice Cube, Tina Turner, John Singleton, Meghan Markle, Issa Rae, and former mayor Tom Bradley.
This neighborhood is known as the Black Beverly Hills.
And there's no better way to round off our visit to this vibrant community than a delicious soul food lunch at the iconic Lorraine's.
Hold up for a second.
I need you guys to understand why places like this are special.
Restaurants like Lorraine's are places you can go to take the armor off.
See, everyone here is Black, and that should make you feel at home.
Yeah, it may not look like much.
Furniture needs to be updated.
- [Door bangs.]
- That door needs to be fixed.
But for us, places like these are temples, libraries, therapists' offices, and second homes, because here, you can just be.
You can also eat here, Professor Johnson.
This ain't no Negro museum.
Damn! Negro, let's eat.
Well, it is a Negro Museum.
Morning, Mark.
How are the kids? Oh, excuse me.
Pardon me.
Sorry.
Doctor coming through.
I'm a doctor! [Chuckles.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Junior, what are you doing here? - Is that Is that my lab coat? - Shh! I came to help you shake the "mom" label, right? I'll pretend to be your resident, then you can ream me out, - and people will see that you are a boss! - Okay.
- Uh-oh! - What's happening? - I spilled all of the blood, Dr.
Johnson! - N Oh, it's okay! - Oh, no! How could I? - All right, okay.
We're gonna clean that up! All right.
What are you doing? Look, I already put that label in a body bag.
I will no longer be cutting cakes or wiping noses.
Not me.
You were wiping noses? Not anymore.
Dr.
Johnson.
Can we talk? It has been such a hard week.
I've lost five patients.
Suck it up! - Wait, wha - Ah, ah! Do I look like your mom? I said do I look like your mom? I mean, a-a little.
Well, I am not your mama.
And if you're gonna "wah, wah, wah" and "boo-hoo-hoo" like a little pee-pee pants, you need to call your mama who I am not.
Yeah.
- Ice-cold.
- Yeah.
- I-I'm scared of you.
- You should be.
You know that people don't learn unless you teach 'em, right? - And I taught 'em.
- Yeah.
DR.
COLLINS: [Sobbing.]
I know she's not my mama, but I thought she was my friend.
[Sighs.]
Well, she seems nice, but she's kind of a monster.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, son.
It's okay for you to eat your chicken without silverware.
There's no judgment here.
Go on, eat up.
Free at last, right? You know what's also good about this spot? Nobody bothers you.
See that lady over there that looks like Laila Ali? Ain't nobody gonna go up to her and say, "Are you Laila Ali?" 'Cause that is Laila Ali.
Hey, Laila! Hey, girl.
How you doing? Good.
How you doing? Well, good to see you.
So, this is my brother, and, um - his kids are scared of you.
- Hi.
- Stop - Scared? Oh, because I was an undefeated, undisputed world champion? No, no, not at all, actually.
It's because you're brown.
Shame on you, brother.
She lyin'.
I'll see you, girl.
I'll see you, girl.
I still don't believe that was Laila, but either way, ain't nobody sweatin' her.
I mean, the food is kind of good.
Secret ingredient? 400 years of our history.
You can taste the struggle.
All right, you know what? Let's just calm down.
We know you're Black, with your multiple savings accounts and your diamond earrings.
Where are your diamond earrings, Dre? I took 'em out.
I'm sorry what? Um, you know, you just can't wear jewelry like that anywhere.
So you can wear five-carat diamond earrings in your neighborhood, but you can't wear diamond earrings in mine? I'm not new to this.
All right? And it kind of defeats the purpose of me taking them out if you're gonna be loud about me having them.
You're such a hypocrite.
It's called street smarts.
Because we're in a bad neighborhood? No, baby.
It's all about being careful, okay? Which is what I do.
Is it? Oh, hey, excuse me.
Would you mind watching my things while I go to the restroom? - No problem.
- All right.
Ooh! These slim-fit pants.
[Both chuckle.]
'Cause it seems like you're acting a little scared, too, Dad.
No, I'm not.
All right? I am amongst my people.
I feel safe and at home here.
[Door bangs.]
Oh, cover me! Everybody down! Get down, son! Cover me! Dre, you wanna tell me any Black facts about the floor? Oh! Hey, babies.
How was your day out? Great.
Dad hit the deck at Lorraine's, so we never have to listen to him again.
And we also got back our Saturday, so it's a win-win.
Oh, Andre! I know, Mama.
Come on, now.
In front of Lorraine? Yes, Mama.
It doesn't make any sense.
I know Leimert Park is the Black Beverly Hills.
Yeah, the worst thing that can happen is maybe you get into a fender bender with Carl Weathers.
I took my earrings out like something was gonna happen, even though I knew nothing was gonna happen.
Something's off with me.
I was so worried that the kids would be unfamiliar, but I'm unfamiliar, too.
My old boyfriend Amadou used to feel the same way.
You had a boyfriend named Amadou? Yeah, must've been one of the ones I didn't tell you about.
Hmm.
[Chuckles.]
Anyway, he was from Senegal, grew up only speaking French.
Came over here and started using English every day.
So when he'd go back to Senegal, he felt like he understood French less and less.
[Sighs.]
I used to spend all my time with only Black people, but now I don't.
Maybe that's what I lost.
See? Amadou's helping you the same way he helped me.
O kay.
How did he help you? Well, he got me into my Senegalese twist phase.
You know, I got him in my phone book as "Ama-do not call," but I think I'm-a do call him tonight.
You see, this magazine's got me all in a flutter.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, yeah.
Well, it's official.
I am no longer the mom.
Now I am the bitch.
B Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Look at me! You are not that word.
I should've known.
The moment I shook the mom label, I was gonna get pigeonholed with a new one.
Women always get labeled "drama queen," "kid sister," "party animal," "one of the guys.
" Ugh.
That is so stupid! - I mean, nobody is one thing.
- I know.
I'm a nerd, - a sharp dresser - Yes, you are, sweetheart.
- a podcast connoisseur - Yeah! - night nurse.
- [Laughs.]
Plus, I have sex a regular amount! Wow! Wow.
Right.
Yep.
Let's not go there.
We have an honest and open relationship.
Some would say that it's too honest.
Yeah, it's it's come up with every girl I've dated.
You are right.
- I'm not one thing.
- Yup.
- And I'm not gonna play their game - Okay.
- and be defined by one label or another.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah! - I'm gonna be who I want to be - Right.
when I want to be it.
- Yeah! I am so proud of you, Mom.
- Aah! - Thank you, sweetheart, yeah.
- You are every woman.
It is all in you.
[Laughing.]
Okay.
Are you Are you Are you Is that Are you quoting "I'm Every Woman"? I may have been listening to that this morning at the gym - while I blasted out my quads.
- Oh.
I am also a gym rat.
[Both chuckle.]
Yeah.
Hoo! Oh, hey, guys.
Don't fill up on breakfast, because we are going back to Lorraine's for lunch.
Come on, Dad.
We were just there.
Yeah.
I know.
We're making up for lost time.
You guys grew up in the suburbs, so I know going to a neighborhood like Rhonda's may make you feel a little different.
It kind of does.
So many people who look like me, but I feel like I don't fit in.
It's like when everyone knows the words to a song except you.
Like "Happy Birthday.
" You don't know how many times I faked my way through that.
All right, look, you feeling like you don't fit in is exactly why we need to go there more often.
I don't want you feeling out of your element in a place that's supposed to absolutely feel like home.
I get that.
All right.
- Are you ready to have some fun? - Yeah.
You know, Auntie Rhonda was talking about some cool art by the park.
Okay.
We'll check that out.
And she was also talking about good smoothies at Simply Wholesome.
She's right.
We'll get those, too.
Wow, wow, wow.
What about, um, the Slauson Swap Meet? Done! Growing up in this neighborhood has allowed my kids to experience things I never could have.
Still, they're missing out on a lot.
So I'm gonna make sure they spend as much time as possible in the places that allow you to just be you.
Hey, Lorraine.
You know what? I love this picture.
[Ding.]
Happy birthday to you So, Bow decided she was going to shake the labels by becoming all of them.
- I got you a card.
- [Ding.]
I will not cut this cake.
[Ding.]
Okay.
Susanne, your hair looks amazing like this.
I really love it.
[Ding.]
Put your eyes back in your head.
I saw you, horn dog.
[Ding.]
Hey, guys, should we all sign up for softball? [Ding.]
No, I am not bringing snacks, you lazy bastards! [Ding.]
All right, got to get that icing.
Hommm! [Ding.]
Cake for me, peace to you.
[Chuckles.]
Seems exhausting for everyone.