I Love Lucy (1951) s05e20 Episode Script

(theme song ending) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) (knock at door) Come in.
Band manager Mertz reporting, sir.
Hi, Fred.
Hi.
And here's your mail.
Oh, thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Hey, this'll make Lucy happy.
What is it? An invitation to the most famous spring fashion show in Paris- Jacques Marcel's.
Jacques Marcel, the big dress designer? Yeah.
Oh, this was hard to get.
I had to pull a few strings.
I'd like to pull a string around your neck.
Why? What's the matter? What do you let me in for? Do you know what that guy charges for his clothes? Oh-ho-ho, Fred, they just want to go there so they can say that they've been there.
They don't want to buy anything; they want to look.
"Look"? turning our wives loose in that place is like taking two mice on a tour through a cheese factory.
No, Fred, I-I don't think Oh, now, listen.
I met a guy yesterday from St.
Petersburg, Florida, down at the American Express office.
Yeah? His wife went to one of those showings.
He ended up shelling out 500 clams for one dress! That's just the start.
Where they finish, nobody knows.
Well, gee, Fred, I don't want to break my promise.
Well, if you don't, the promise will break you.
Well, well Well? I do want to make Lucy happy.
Well? And if she goes to this place, and she's not able to buy a dress, Yeah? she will feel miserable.
Uh-huh.
So, if I don't show her this invitation, I will actually be sparing her all of that misery.
Uh-huh.
I'll be doing her a favor.
You know, it's wonderful the way you're always thinking of Lucy.
Thank you.
Welcome back to the Husbands Union.
Thank you, Fred.
I lost my head there for a minute, old man.
Yes, you did.
(Lucy and Ethel chattering) Cheese it, the mice.
RICKY AND FRED: Hi, girls.
Hi, fellas.
Well, where have you been all day? Shopping on the Champs-Elysees.
RICKY: Well, isn't that nice? Fred, look at the bag I bought.
It only cost a thousand francs.
A thousand francs?! Relax.
That's $2.
85.
Oh, I keep forgetting.
Honey, what did you buy? Oh, a toy for Little Ricky and perfume for Mrs.
Trumbull.
That bottle must be leaking.
I smell perfume.
Oh, no, dear, that's on me.
The sales lady says that after one good whiff of this perfume, you'd burst into flame.
Take a whiff.
Pow-wow! Mmm-mm.
Uh, I'm wearing some of that potent perfume, too, Freddie.
(sniffing) Well? Nice try.
Oh, I could have done better with a book of wet matches.
Oh, darn it, it isn't here.
It should have been here by now.
Wh-What's that, dear? Our invitation to Jacques Marcel's fashion show.
Oh, oh, the invitation.
Yeah, well, uh, you know, I forgot to tell you I tried to get one, but they're very hard to get.
Only the, um you know, the fashion designers and the buyers, that's all that get them.
Oh, darn it! Oh, I really wanted to go to that.
(phone rings) That's probably our last chance to see a big show, too.
Maybe some other time.
Hello.
Yes, this is Mrs.
Ricardo.
Oh? Jacques Marcel's secretary? Yes.
Oh, no, we didn't.
Well, of course, we'll be there.
Tomorrow at 2:00.
Thank you.
Good-bye.
We're invited to the fashion show.
Gee, I wonder why we didn't get our invitation.
I have a feeling we did.
Ricky, where is the invitation? The the invitation? The invitation to the fashion show, where is it? Honey, I don't By George, it did come in the mail! How do you like that? You lied to me.
You said this didn't come.
No, I did not.
I said they were hard to get.
It's my own fault.
He's beginning to think like me.
Promise me, you're only going there to look.
I'm disappointed in you.
You don't trust me.
I told you, I was only going to go there to look.
Ethel, need I say that the same goes for you? You need not, Diamond Jim Mertz.
What are you going to wear, honey? My brown jacket.
I think I'll wear my gray.
The one ETHEL: Oh! LUCY: Did you ever see such clothes in your life? Oh, Lucy, weren't they dreamy? That blue satin suit was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Wouldn't I like to have something like that just once.
How about that wedding dress Bonjour, madame.
Entrez, s'il vous plait.
Oh, thank you.
Merci.
Oh, merci.
That's hand-embroidery on that wedding dress.
Oh, wasn't that beautiful? Thousands and thousands of little There'll be four or us.
Oh, my, what dresses! What dresses! Gee, I can hardly wait for the fellas to get here.
(sighing): What are you gonna have? A Jacques Marcel dress.
Oh, Lucy.
I've just got to have one.
I'm going to get one if it's the last thing I do.
Well, it will be.
(sighing) Oh, here come the fellas.
LUCY: Hi.
ETHEL: Hi there.
RICKY: Did you have a good time? Yeah, wonderful.
Ricky, it was the most beautiful thing.
Just magnificent clothes.
The most gorgeous clothes I've ever seen in my whole life.
Well, I'm glad you went and got a good look and got it out of your system.
Ricky? No.
No what? I'm not gonna buy you a Jacques Marcel dress.
That is not what I was going to ask.
Honey, I know you pretty well.
You know me well enough to know that I'm gonna pester you for that dress till the end of my days? And do you know me well enough to know that if you do, the end might come sooner than you expect? You never buy me anything.
What do you mean I never buy you anything? How about that Don Lauper original I bought you in Hollywood? That Don Lauper original.
That old thing? When I bought you that dress, you promised me that you will never ask me for another expensive dress as long as you live.
Oh, I couldn't have said a thing like that.
You must be thinking of one of your other wives.
Ethel, I'll leave it up to you.
Did that sound like something I'd say? I pass.
You see What do you mean, you pass? I'd like to read something to you.
(sighs) "February 28, 1955.
"If Ricky buys me a Don Lauper original, "I will never ask him for another expensive dress "as long as I live.
Signed, Lucy Ricardo.
" Let me see that.
Obviously, a forgery.
It won't help you; I had it photostated.
Oh Now, honey, why don't you be a good girl? You don't hear Ethel asking Fred to buy her a new dress.
I'll be lucky if he buys me my lunch.
(Ethel shrieks) Look, Lucy, there's one of the models from the show.
LUCY: Oh, yes.
ETHEL: Oh! What was that? That's one of the outfits she wore in the show.
She's too late for Halloween.
Yeah, and she's too early for April Fool.
Oh, Fred, honestly.
Now, that was really a beautiful outfit.
You just (shrieks) ETHEL: Here comes another one.
Oh, isn't that hat really something? Oh Did you ever see anything like that in your life? It was absolutely out of this world.
That explains it- they're from Mars.
Oh, Fred, honestly.
You just don't appreciate high fashion.
High fashion? That looks like it was made out of a potato sack.
ETHEL: Oh, Ricky.
Just ignore them.
Just ignore them.
(Ethel shrieks) LUCY: Oh, this is the one I like.
I really love this one.
Ethel, did you leave our hotel room unlocked? No.
Why? She's got on my old flannel bathrobe.
Oh, Fred, honestly.
You two make me sick.
You just make me ill, that's all.
Oh, forget about the fashion show.
Let's have some lunch.
Yeah.
What do you want? Nothing.
What do you mean, nothing? I am going on a hunger strike.
Oh, no.
Until you buy me a Jacques Marcel dress, no food will pass my lips.
Oh, Lucy, don't you think that's carrying If that's what she wants to do, it's all right with me.
Yeah, that hungers strike's a good idea.
Ethel, why don't you? Oh, shut up.
It won't last very long anyway.
You just wait and see.
Until you put a Jacques Marcel dress on my back, I will put not a bite in my stomach.
Okay.
Okay! Here we are, Rick.
What did you want? Oh, listen, I got a plan.
I think I know how to break Lucy's hunger strike.
Oh, good.
What are you gonna do? Well, I ordered some lunch sent up here, see, and we'll all gonna eat it right in front of her.
Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
What did you order? Ethel, we just ate.
How can you eat again? There is no sacrifice I wouldn't make for my friend Lucy.
What did you order? Well, all kinds of tasty-looking stuff, you know.
I'll bet this will weaken her.
You know, she's been on this strike for three whole days.
I don't know how she can stand it.
Maybe she's sneaking food in on you.
No, no, no.
The clerk told me that she hasn't left the room or had anything sent up.
Holy cats! If this doesn't work, I don't know what else I can do.
I do.
No.
I'm not going to buy her a Jacques Marcel dress.
By now, it's the principle of the thing.
And $500 is a lot of principle.
Now, will you help me? Sure.
Okay.
Lucy! Come out here, honey.
The Mertzes are here.
Come on, sweetheart.
Honey, I ordered some lunch for all of us.
Not for me.
I'm staying on my hunger strike.
Ethel: Oh Now, honey, you got to eat something.
You can't go on like this.
No, no, I'm fine.
Oh, Lucy, no dress is worth all of this.
Don't worry about me.
Somehow, food doesn't mean a thing to me anymore.
Oh, food! ETHEL: Oh, honey (knock at door) Here's the lunch.
Come on, everybody, let's eat.
Sit down, Ethel.
Okay.
I had a beautiful lunch sent up.
Oh, fine.
Come right in.
Look at that.
Oh, Ricky! RICKY: Isn't that gorgeous? ETHEL: Isn't that wonderful? Oh! Oh, boy, look at that food.
Everybody, dig right in there! RICKY: Dig right in.
Huh? ALL: Mmm! ETHEL: Mmm, boy! Mmm, delicious.
Mmm-mm.
Boy, that's good.
RICKY: Mm, huh, huh, huh? Honey, look.
Mmm.
Steak french-fried potatoes broccoli and hollandaise sauce.
Isn't that gorgeous, hmm? Look at this, honey bread.
And look at that butter- lots of butter with the bread.
Isn't that nice? Look, baby.
Look at this wonderful shrimp salad.
You ever seen anything so beautiful in your life? Hmm? Huh? Look, look, honey, look.
Look at the French pastry.
Huh? Isn't that gorgeous? Isn't that pretty, huh? Doesn't it all taste and smell good? FRED: Come on, Lucy, sit down and dig into this.
Come on, baby.
Here.
Look, look, nice piece of meat.
Look at that.
No! No! Now, honey, you got to eat something.
No.
If you don't, I'll force it.
You can't force me.
We'll wait and see.
Hmm.
Make a nice sandwich.
Look at this beautiful sandwich, here.
Here.
No.
Lucy.
(muffled grunt) Lucy! (muffled grunts) Open your mouth.
(muffled grunt) Open your mouth! I'll make you open your mouth.
You gotta breathe some time.
You gotta open your mouth.
You're going to 'splode.
Open your mouth.
Come on, come on.
Lucy.
There.
Lucy.
Well, I don't know what else I can do.
You can buy me that dress.
I will not! All right, then, I'll starve.
Okay, then starve! Come on, Fred, I got a rehearsal.
Okay.
The coast is clear.
Good! I thought they'd never leave.
Oh, so that's where you've been keeping it.
Ha-ha! Aah-dee-dah And 85 Jacques cheese.
Dee-dee-dee-dah.
Say, Ethel, we're getting a little low on lettuce.
You'd better put it down on your shopping list.
Okay.
Let's see now, uh mustard.
Mustard? Mustard, mustard Have to have mustard on a sandwich like this.
Doo-whoo-doo-doo.
Ha-ha! Oh, boy.
Hurry up, take a bite.
(chomping noisily) Good, huh? Mmm, wonderful.
Oh, Lucy, that was a regular Academy-Award performance you gave in front of Ricky and Fred.
You even had me believing you were starving.
Thank you.
Now then, what do you want me to bring you for dinner tonight? Oh, I don't know, I'm kind of sick of sandwiches.
I'll bet.
How about a nice roast chicken? Hey, that sounds good.
All righty.
I'll see you later.
Okay.
Anything else? No.
I got to cut down.
If I stay on this hunger strike much longer, I'll be as fat as a pig.
Are you ready for your dinner? Yes, ma'am.
I got you a nice roast chicken.
Oh, wonderful.
I would've gotten you a great big one, but it wouldn't fit in my camera bag.
Oh, Ethel, oh, this is a beauty! RICKY: Come on in, Fred.
Oh, Lucy, oh! Oh! I don't know what's gonna happen to you if you don't eat Hi.
Hi.
Honey (weak grunt) You win.
I couldn't stand to see you suffer anymore, so I bought you a Jacques Marcel dress.
Oh, honey, how Oh, darling you've made me the happiest starving woman in France.
Well, honey, I think it's a great tribute to your willpower.
Oh, thank you.
Here, you're too weak.
I'll help you out.
Oh, no, that's all right.
I'll open it.
I feel my strength coming back already.
I can hardly wait to try it on.
Well, listen, let's go and eat something and then you can try it on.
Oh, no, I want to try it on first and then we'll eat.
You do, you want to try it on first? Yeah.
Well, all right.
Try it on.
Oh, I'll take a picture of you.
Oh, no! I'll, I'll On second thought, let's go eat.
Before I try it on, we'll go What kind of a camera is this? It's a It's a-a Well It looks like a roast chicken.
It's a 3D picture of a roast chicken.
See, the depth Looks almost real, doesn't it? Lucy Hmm? you've been sneaking food in here all this time! FRED: Yeah.
And I know who was mother's little big fat helper.
Oh Okay, that dress is going right back.
Oh, no, it is not! Yes, it is! Throw it, Lucy! I got it! Oh, no, catch it! Ethel! I got it! Oh! I got it! I got it! Oh, no! Oh! Open up, Fred! No! You you Indian giver! Oh, you! Oh, that was real nice of Marcel, you know.
He didn't really have to give me my money back.
Well, listen, at those prices, I could afford to be a good egg, too.
Yeah, but usually you buy something and then you're stuck.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
MAITRE D': Bonjour, monsieur.
Comment ca va? Fine.
Comment ca va? Two coffees, please.
Two coffees.
Well, I can't get over that Lucy.
I'd sure like to get even with her.
Well, you just did.
That's not enough.
Oh, come, come, come now, come.
Don't be bitter.
Now, that one had to be made out of a potato sack.
Yeah, and some of the potatoes are still in it.
Hey, you know, Fred, that gives me an idea.
Oh, what is it? What do you mean? I think I know a way how to get even with Lucy, and at the same time show her how silly this high fashion stuff is.
Well, let's hear it.
You know that-that little tailor across the hotel? You mean where we had the band uniforms cleaned? Right.
Yeah.
Now, suppose I make a deal with this guy to make me a a completely crazy dress out of a real potato sack and then I get a Jacques Marcel label and put it on it.
You think that Lucy would? Of course she would.
Only make it two potato sacks.
For a couple of extra bucks, I'd like to have Ethel well-dressed, too.
Oh, wait a minute, we need hats.
Hats.
Yeah.
What about hats? What can we do with that? Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, will you? (with falsetto): How do I look? Simply stunning.
Thank you.
There's another one down there right like it.
Fred, please.
Lucy wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same bucket.
Well, I should have known.
Yeah.
Hey, look.
Where? That would make a wonderful hat.
Right across the street.
All I see over there is a horse.
That's right.
If he doesn't mind giving up his feed bag.
Oh, honey, so you have to go home without a Jacques Marcel dress.
You've been moping about it for two days.
I haven't even started to mope.
I intend to mope all the way across Europe.
I will be the mopiest, mopiest What's that? Well, honey the other day when you called me an Indian giver, it got me right here.
So, I bought you a whole new outfit.
Oh, honey! And here, Ethel, I'm no piker.
Here's an outfit for you, too.
For me? Yeah.
From Jacques Marcel! Fred, are you all right? I'm fine.
Are you getting a fever? No-no fever.
Oh, Fred! Oh, my, I'm so glad you went on a hunger Oh, Fred, I can't Oh, I can't Oh, isn't it lovely? I didn't see anything like this in the show.
I didn't either.
Of course not.
These are later than the show.
These are next year's fashions.
Well, you're the only two women in the world who have these.
LUCY: No kidding? We are? RICKY: That's right, yeah.
Oh, boy! Gee, that's unusual fabric.
Well, leave it to Jacques.
What an inspired use of burlap.
Isn't that clever of him? Yeah.
Oh, come on, Ethel, let's try them on.
Don't forget your hat.
Hat?! Hat?! Are they originals? Of course they are.
I'll meet you back here.
We'll take you for a walk afterwards.
Oh, thank you, Frederick.
You're welcome.
How do I look? Ethel, you never looked better in your life.
My, we're certainly attracting attention.
Do you think maybe these outfits are a little too extreme? No, honey.
On you, it looks great.
Okay.
I never wore burlap before.
Honeybunch, you were made for it.
Oh, thank you, Fred.
Oh, Ethel, look, there's Jacques Marcel.
He's staring at us.
Yes.
LUCY: I hope he thinks we're doing the clothes justice.
(laughing) Oh, that hat on you.
You like it? Yes.
Oh, they really look lovely, don't they? You know, I think I'll go after him and thank him for letting us scoop the fashion world.
I think we should.
Well, duh, duh, duh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Why not? I think it's a very nice gesture.
Oh, I think we should.
Yeah, I know, but We'll just say thank you for letting us be a few months ahead.
I love the I wouldn't do it if I were you.
(Fred and Ricky laughing) What are you laughing at? (laughing harder) What are you laughing at? I don't see anything funny.
Oh, you fell for this just like I fell for that hunger strike.
(taunting laugh) What? What?! I had a little tailor made those dresses out of real potato sacks.
You mean, you mean, you mean, Jacques Marcel didn't make this? No, a little tailor made the potato sacks.
Jacques Marcel didn't make these.
You think that's funny? We have to leave.
We have to go.
I don't think I I borrowed that from a horse- the feed bag.
Oh.
RICKY: That's a big bucket.
Honestly.
They look lovely.
I think you look very cute.
(both grumbling) I don't think that's very funny.
(laughing) I see.
Not till after 2:00.
All right, thank you very much.
They're having a private showing.
Nobody can get in there till after Well, don't you think you're getting away with a thing.
We're going to the restaurant next door, and on the stroke of 2:00, you are going up to Jacques Marcel's and buy me the dress I want no matter what it costs.
All right, all right.
All right.
And don't try to get out of your bargain.
I won't.
And Ricky, you got to pay for half of Ethel's dress for getting me into this.
I told you we shouldn't have taken these girls over there All right already! I said I'd do it.
Come on I wish I never heard of Jacques Marcel.
Well, it serves you right for humiliating us that way in a public place.
I never heard of anybody doing anything quite like that in my life.
Come on, let's go.
Sometimes I wish I never left Cuba.
FRED: Yeah.
Trente mille francs.
Oh, that was good coffee, wasn't it? Yeah.
Lucy, look.
What? There's Jacques Marcel and his models.
Well, I'll be.
How do you like that? That crook stole our stuff.
Well, girls, now we don't have to buy you any dresses.
You have the originals.
(chortling) What's the matter? We burned them.
Oh, no! (orchestra playing closing flourish) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: The waiter was John Bleifer.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.