Scrubs s05e20 Episode Script

- Todd, what are you doing? - Waiting for my moment.
OK, moving on.
It was time for my new daily ritual: Asking Dr.
Cox to lunch.
- What are you doing for lunch? - Not having it with you, Paula.
Oh.
Good luck eating.
This is every spoon from the cafeteria.
And guess what? Today just happens to be soup and frozen yogurt day.
I'm gonna have tomato and strawberry.
Lunch for us? Not going to happen.
Normally, I'd say something harsh now like, "We're not friends," but you'll grin that stupid grin and shake your head, like, "How could that possibly be true?" Because it's ludicrous.
Just give me a spoon, will you please? - Oh, for goodness sake.
- You've called my bluff.
Today isn't soup and yogurt day.
It's actually salad and smoothie day.
I'm still having tomato and strawberry.
I'm having a weird pregnancy craving.
Hey, J.
D.
, if you go out, would you get me a hot Italian sausage? I got a hot Italian sausage for you right here.
People think I luck into these situations, but it's really hard work.
You know what else is hard? I should go.
I think I may vomit.
Some doctors like to change into their streets for lunch.
Not me.
I like how the world reacts to me as a doctor.
Whether it's a friendly greeting from the world's slowest bagger.
- Hey there, Dr.
Dorian.
- Lookin' good, pal.
Eggs on top.
All right? Eggs on top.
Or a smile from the manager of the herbal section.
Hey, Rebecca.
You got that Echinacea for me? Just kidding.
I think all this stuff is voodoo.
Good to see you.
Hey! Looks like somebody else is sick of that cafeteria stuff, huh? Oh, no.
What the hell? Did you follow me here? A friend dropped me off.
Eagle! Hey, wanna go splitsies on some deli counter meatloaf? I can't finish a whole serving.
I can, but I don't like to.
- It all goes right here.
- Could this be any more of a nightmare? Guys! Yes, it could be more of a nightmare.
Jill Tracy was a former patient who had once tried to kill herself.
Sad, yes, but this did not change the fact that she was unbelievably annoying.
Oh, my God, what are you doing here? I was meeting a guy for a date.
I know you're thinking.
A Tuesday lunch date at the market, he is so not into her.
Well, guess what? He's not.
I've been waiting for, like, an hour thinking how many more guys from my yoga class can totally reject me without me saying, "Enough!" You know? Yogurt pretzels? Yum.
These are addictive.
I'll have one anyway.
Wanna grab some lunch? - We have to get back to the hospital.
- Bummer.
Trail mix? I won't.
Awesome! Awesome! You know what, Newbie? Stay.
Have lunch.
Those emergencies.
I should go too.
How are things? - You know that's stealing.
- Come on, Rebecca, everybody's doing it.
I won't tell anyone if you don't.
- Security! - Security? We've got a grazer.
I don't think there's a security force OK.
Hey, fellas.
Wherever you're taking him, take me too.
No, you go ahead.
Where's the shaving cream? Is that aisle two still? # I can't do this all on my own # No, I know I'm no Superman # I'm no Superman # Today was a busy day at Sacred Heart.
We had three separate patients waiting for transplants.
We were doing everything we could to keep them alive while we could locate donors.
There was Mrs.
Sykes, who needed a new liver.
There was Mr.
Dennison, who needed a new heart valve.
And then there was Dr.
Cox's guy, Dave Bradford.
Davey Boy, I promise you, we're gonna find you a kidney.
I would swear on my father's grave, but whenever I go there I end up dancing on it.
And so begins another round of "Who Had the Worse Dad?" One of pop's nicknames for me was Sparky.
He liked to light matches off my neck.
We've been over this.
You win on account of your father's not dead yet.
Most stress with so many people clinging to life.
Dr.
Cox vibed on it.
As I lie in bed each morning and ask myself why I should put both my feet on the floor, there are precious few reasons that I've ever come up with.
The chance to escape Jordan's morning breath, sure.
Scotch.
It's too early to drink it, yes, but it is never too early to think about.
And, of course, the ever-present possibility that I might finally happen upon Hugh Jackman and give him the present I've been holding for him.
Bam! Still, the most persuasive argument I've ever been able to come up with is that I get to come to this hospital every day and help keep people alive.
That's ironic, four people died while you were talking.
We need to keep them going until we can find donors.
Barbie, check on Mrs.
Sykes's ammonia level.
She's encephalopathic.
Gandhi, review Dennison's chart and get me a consent.
Bobbo, get on the horn to your cronies at local hospitals and get me a donor update.
Fine.
Some of the boys are coming over tonight.
I'll bring it up to Morrison while he sets up the projector for stag flicks.
Don't need the visual of old men with erections.
And now it's in my head forever.
Sorry.
Go step up Davey Bradford's dialysis to take your mind off of it.
- Newbie, feel like a sandwich? - I do feel like a sandwich.
You feel more like a pastry.
A very doughy pastry.
I don't feel good about that.
Way too easy.
I had one objective in my trip to the store.
Pick up everyone's lunch and get out of Dodge.
Whoa! - J.
D.
? - Hey, Jill.
How weird is it that we were both here two days in a row? I thought there was a 15% chance the guy who blew me off yesterday got his days wrong and would be waiting with roses.
- Is that sad? - It's not, not sad.
I have the day free.
My shrink couldn't make our appointment.
He found his wife in bed with his second wife and downed an entire bottle of his bulimic daughter's Prozac.
He's back in the hospital.
- That's an awesome story, Jill.
- It's true.
- Hey.
What did you do last night? - Turk made me watch Anaconda.
- Is that the one with the giant snake? - No.
This is the one with the giant snake.
I was back here for 45 minutes waiting for a set-up.
My back is killing me.
But I nailed it.
It's about commitment.
Hey.
How could your intern, Lisa, sleep with him? She's a tramp with no morals.
I never slept with the Todd.
Lisa is sweet and people don't give her a chance.
I wonder who else Todd lied about sleeping with? - I didn't sleep with him.
- God, no.
- Are you kidding me? - Todd? Is he the big black security guard with the hook hand? - No.
- Then no.
- Am I ever getting out? - We haven't found you a kidney yet, but I have some ideas.
Yeah, this will do.
Ah, what the hell.
I can live with one kidney.
'Cause we'll probably just go 'head and sell this one.
Stay away from my organs.
- What are you doing? - Having lunch.
Cafeteria stinks and I can't go to the grocery store because crazy Jill Tracy lives there.
Every time I try and shop she follows me around like I'm her only friend in the world.
It's pathetic.
- Well, I'm gonna go talk to Carla.
- I'll come, too.
I figured.
Hey, why do you think Todd lies about hooking up with all those women? Maybe he's just over-compensating.
My brother used to brag about girls dated right before he quit baseball and started dancing for Japanese businessmen.
Todd's not gay.
Turk, he has leather jeans in three different colors.
Barry danced in leather jeans.
He'd come home and they'd be stuffed with yen.
I'll tell you when I first suspected he was gay.
It was very subtle, but Oh, yeah, Dale, this is totally gonna bring out your pecs.
Plus I'm using olive oil so I can lick it off later.
Make 'em dance! Oh, they're dancin'! Somebody's makin' them dance! Whoo-eee.
Whee! - Tell them that never happened! - It happened.
I was there.
I think I just got the move-on signal from a hook.
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, give me the update here.
Bradford's electrolyte and fluid balance are stable.
Mr.
Dennison isn't looking so good.
He's on max inotropes and in failure.
Sykes is encephalopathic.
Ammonium level is through the roof.
- She's circling the drain.
- Let's try to keep these people alive.
What do you say? Dr.
Dorian, can you help me? Sure.
What's wrong? She was admitted a short time ago and hasn't regained consciousness.
Tox screen's positive for cocaine.
Do you think she could have O.
D.
'd? She had been stood up on a couple of dates.
And she hadn't seen her shrink in a while.
She was definitely depressed.
- How do you know all that? - She told me.
In hospitals, there are certain rules.
With surgeons, if the over-compensating, pumped-up, shaved-down doctor seems gay - So, man, you trying a new workout? - No.
Why? Oh, he's glistening.
he's probably gay.
And with organ transplants, if there's good news for one doctor People, I've got our organs.
It probably means bad news for another.
You can use her organs.
Thank you.
Just tell me this, is there anything anyone could have done? No.
Unless you mean me.
It's amazing how quickly people improve once they get a new organ.
Whether it's Mrs.
Sykes with her new liver.
Mr.
Dennison with his new heart valve.
Or Dave.
How's that new kidney feel, huh? A little loose, but I'll get used to it.
Yeah, you will.
Thanks for everything, man.
Don't sweat it.
All right, gather around.
Here we go.
Now, I'm sure we all recognize just how rare it is to get a win like this.
But as we are surrounded by patients who are clinging to life, I'm going to give kudos in whisper form.
Since I'm an egomaniac, first props come to me.
- Let me hear it, people.
- You are some kind of super hero.
You're a god.
You're a beautiful healer.
This was not a complete and total solo effort.
It was an extraordinary job done by each and every one of you.
- I can't hear a word he's saying.
- Be older, Bob.
Just because I can't hear your silly-ass whispering doesn't mean I'm old.
I'm going to my office and tinker with my new computer.
- What kind is it? - It's about 3:30.
I heard what he said, people, but damn, that joke's a classic.
And why are you not giddy with praise like those people? Don't you know I dole out compliments, at most, once a year? And like a squirrel, you must gather up these acorns of kind words to sustain you for the upcoming cold, sarcastic months.
Any idiot could have seen that Jill was in trouble.
I'm supposed to be a doctor.
I'm the reason she's dead.
Then he said the words I never expected to hear.
Why don't you and I go grab some lunch? That'd be good.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
He looks so sad.
I just want to hold him like a big gay baby.
This is incredible.
An hour ago you guys hated him.
An hour ago he wasn't our new gay best friend.
Leave the Todd alone, OK? Because every time you two meddle, you know who suffers? Me.
Remember when the Janitor took that chiropractic class and you guys wanted to encourage him? Guys, I'm really not comfortable with this.
You'll be fine.
I've done this on four mop heads.
All right? I haven't had a complaint yet.
OK.
On three.
One two Better? Yes? You're fine.
We're doing this.
Does this sound fine to you? I can fix that, buddy.
On the count of three.
One, two Oh! - Yeah? - No.
You owe me $500.
Excuse me? Could you spare a few minutes for AIDS Research? Yes, I can, but I'm not sure just how much we'll get done.
I'll tell you what.
We'll go over here and brainstorm while we wolf down these sandwiches.
Newbie, come.
Vintage Cox.
Know what I was thinking while having lunch with Jill? - What's that? - God, this girl's annoying.
I saw her in that supermarket, too, but I'm not torturing myself.
- Would you like to know why? - Why? She didn't come to the hospital for help.
We bumped into her out here in the world.
Don't get me wrong.
If a guy gets shot or if he has a heart attack and I am physically the closest doctor to him, I will intervene.
Shy of that, you can't.
I mean, you just can't.
- It's too much to ask yourself.
- OK.
I hear you.
No.
You don't.
Once you start blaming yourself for deaths that aren't your fault, my friend, that's a slippery slope you can't come back from.
I've seen it ruin a lot of good doctors, and I will not let it happen to you.
And because he said that, I knew it wouldn't.
Game time.
Go! Todd, do you have second? - I'm on my way to the gym.
- That's what it's about.
Whoa.
Did something happen to the gym? Don't lie to me.
- We know about your - Situation.
- You are hiding from yourself.
- Stop hiding, Todd.
- We accept you.
- No matter who you love.
The Todd's confused.
our little baby.
You were wrong.
It went great.
At first he was a little emotional, but by the end of it, he was saying how happy he was that he didn't have to live a lie.
Then he French-braided my hair and took it out 'cause he said I could not pull it off.
He is so honest.
It was great.
It was like he changed into a whole new person.
God, how awesome is it gonna be not having that pig wandering the halls? Hey, Mickhead.
Is that package for me? You know it is! You ladies must be so proud.
- Todd, what are you doing? - I'm getting my gay on.
Hey, buddy, you and I should totally have sex sometime.
See? I knew this was going to come back to me.
- What's going on? - Everybody's failing.
Mrs.
Sykes is indicating neuropathy.
My valve transplant patient is suffering partial seizures.
How how you feeling there, Dave? Pretty good, but my feet are a little numb.
- You hang tight, all right? - OK.
I don't get it.
Doesn't make sense.
Perry, the autopsy just came in on your donor Jill Tracy.
She didn't die of an overdose.
Just like that, whatever burden of responsibility I felt was lifted.
But like I said before, good news for one person can be bad news for another.
She died of rabies? OK, people, all of our transplant patients are infected.
We know what we're dealing with here.
Let's get involved.
We can do this.
Todd, you were impressive in surgery today.
Thanks, man.
You were impressive in the shower.
You know, dong-wise.
- Todd.
- What? Stop it.
The point of coming to grips was to accept yourself and stop being that guy.
I'm sorry.
This whole change is just scaring me.
I'm not sure who I am anymore.
- Come here.
- Get over here, sweetie.
- I know.
Let it out.
- We're here for you.
Whoa! - What the hell are you doing? - Motor-boating.
I really gotta thank you gals for outing me.
Chicks dig gay dudes.
Hey Lisa.
I heard you lied and said we didn't do it.
Admit it, we doinked.
I was sad because my dad died.
I wasn't.
So this whole thing was an act? I cannot believe that I let you in that fitting room while I was trying on bras.
- Ew! - That was a very special time for me.
Unbelievable.
He saw the girls.
It's cool if you want to walk away, 'cause I love to watch you go.
Nothing wrong with those.
Nothing wrong with that either.
Or that.
Or that.
What the hell are you? I'm The Todd.
We did all we could over the days to keep the patients going, but odds were against us.
First we lost Mrs.
Sykes.
And then Mr.
Dennison.
And I knew that Dr.
Cox needed me the exact same way that I needed him earlier.
Hey.
Hungry? No.
I guess our lunch was kind of a one time thing, huh? There's no way you could have seen that coming.
I mean, rabies? Come on.
There's like three reported cases a year.
Testing would've been irresponsible.
We would've wasted time those people didn't have.
I was obsessed with getting those organs.
You had to be.
The fact is that those people were gonna die in hours and you had to make a call.
I would've made the same call.
- Yeah? - Yes.
I got us lunch, and I think we should eat it.
Right then, I knew I was gonna pull him out of this, But sometimes the hospital picks a day where it's just gonna pile it on.
Oh, God.
Come on.
Clear! Still in V-tach.
Clear! Come on.
Clear! Come on, come on.
Come on! God! He wasn't about to die, was he, Newbie? Could've waited another month for a kidney.
Where are you going? Your shift's not over.
Hey! Remember what you told me? The second you start blaming yourself for people's deaths there's no coming back.
Yeah.
You're right.