Alfred Hitchcock Presents s05e21 Episode Script

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish to announce that during the strike we shall continue to do business.
And all but the very near-sighted can see our show, without crossing the picket line.
Actually this is not a strike about wages.
I am a worker myself when I can't avoid it.
And I have long campaigned for the four-hour lunch.
Actually, these are actors who claim I kill too many of them off during my stories.
They're striking for longer hours.
I see the pickets have stopped walking, so they can watch tonight's story.
Will you join them? Haven't you anything to say? When you rode around town with that young car thief you had something to say.
I'll bet you talked a blue streak to him.
Would you please have the courtesy to look at me when I'm talking to you? Do you know why the judge let you off with only a reprimand? Because the judge knew I was the councilman from Allendale.
He realized that, if he sentenced you along with your boyfriend, it would create further scandal and damage my reputation.
So he put you on probation.
I hope you realize your little escapade could've wrecked everything that's taken me a whole lifetime to build up in this community.
I don't expect gratitude, but at least a few words of appreciation.
Thank you for everything, Uncle Charles.
You've been very kind.
In my day, we were taught to have a sense of responsibility.
Yes, Uncle.
I didn't ask to be your legal guardian.
But since your father's will so provided, I've tried to do what I thought best for you.
I know.
So I can't even consider now sending you back to Deep Valley School in the fall.
I'll find one of my business associates who needs a girl in his office.
If the finest finishing school in the West couldn't teach you the difference between right and wrong, maybe a year or more in a business office That boyfriend of yours learned his lesson.
Let's hope not going back to school will be punishment enough for you.
Dry your eyes and sit up.
Can't tell, I might run into somebody I do business with in this town.
I'm out of cigarettes.
Would you like anything? Now don't try anything foolish like running away.
Remember last time.
Look at her.
Can't even pull out of a parking space.
It's stuck.
Shut up! Why, thank you, son.
A noisy horn, it bugs me.
You seem to know quite a bit about auto mechanics.
Either you dig a motor or you don't.
This is a nice hunk of metal.
Will it do over 100? I wouldn't know.
You don't win the County Safety Award two out of three years by speeding.
Hallelujah.
Look, you headed toward San Francisco? Allendale.
That's close enough.
How about giving me a lift? Young man, I make It a practice never to pick up strangers.
Well, I'm not a stranger.
I'm the mechanical marvel who fixes noisy horns for safety drivers, remember? And I appreciate that and I thank you very much.
Well, then stretch it a bit.
Just give me a lift.
All right, hop in.
Thanks.
What's your name, son? I like to call people by name.
Some people are called by numbers.
What's that? But if it's names you want Make mine Len.
I'm Councilman Underhill.
This is my niece Anne.
This young man is on his way to San Francisco.
Hi, Anne.
Hello, Len.
Been working in this neck of the woods? You can call it that.
I assume you learned about automobile mechanics in school? That's comical, real comical.
Let me in on the joke.
I don't think you'd get it.
This joke, it's kind of personal.
Hmm.
All you young people today have a wall you hide behind whenever your elders try to be friendly or helpful.
You've got it all figured out about young people, don't you? Well, I've been able to observe first-hand one fine example of your generation.
Uncle Charles, please, no.
Look.
How did they ever give him a license to drive a truck? Peculiar bunch of young men.
They're being shipped to the State Farm five miles away.
Some will dig holes and plant baby junipers and white pine.
The rest will level off the hillsides.
At 5:00, the guards will pile them back in the truck and the driver will bring them back to the Farm.
Farm? What farm? The Honor Farm.
What's an Honor Farm? It's a place, sugar, for juvenile jerks who never discovered how to walk the narrow fence without being nabbed by the law.
You mean, those men were convicts? If you're a prison psychiatrist, dad, you call them cases of arrested emotional development.
Yeah.
A label for everything at the Farm.
You kill your old man, it's not murder.
Assault, forgery, snatching, they've all got labels that sound real fancy.
But it's still jailhouse-rock, label or no label.
How do you know so much about those convicts? Because until this morning, I might've stood in that truck whistling at your niece.
Out.
He's done nothing to us.
Well, I'm not going to give him the chance.
What are you waiting for? Get out! All right, dad.
Len, he doesn't mean it.
Is that what they taught you at school? Champion convicts? He's been nice and friendly.
It's all part of the same pattern, isn't it? A girl thinks it's thrilling to sit in the same car with a young jailbird.
Never mind, Anne.
I'll get off here.
Lots of luck.
Wait a moment.
For once, my niece is quite right.
I am a man of my word.
You can ride with us.
Thanks.
It's always the insider squashing the outsider like he was a bug.
I don't understand.
Look.
A chick like you, young, just hatched out of her shell, you're an outsider, see? But the insider, he's lived a lot of years.
He hates change.
Hates anybody doing anything different than he does it.
The insider doesn't take a chance, never gets a ticket for speeding, or gets drunk or looks anywhere he shouldn't.
He's the number one man in his hometown.
He's got it made.
Right, Mr.
Underhill? Where did you get this interesting theory, in jail? Yeah, from listening and watching.
I see.
Daddy-O, let me tell you about an outsider I know who is out of this world, on the highest cloud.
He's gone, but gone.
He loves knives.
I mean, any kind of knives.
Uh, kitchen knives, penknives, anything sharp and made of steel.
That cool cat with the yen to use the knife was my pal, he was my buddy.
Did you ever know anybody crazy about sharp steel, Mr.
Underhill? No.
No, I haven't.
He was clever, too.
I mean, he could fix noisy horns, dig any motor.
He could take it apart, put it together.
I think we should stop and get something to eat, don't you, Anne? Fine, Uncle Charles.
Hello, folks.
What'll it be? I'll have a tuna fish on white, toasted.
And coffee, please.
Hamburger, medium-well.
And coffee, please.
Same, please.
Let me tell you more about that guy at the Farm.
What about him? He was a flipper from way, way out.
He was always quoting a wild-haired cat named Dylan Thomas.
Now an insider like you wouldn't have heard of a poet like him, would you have, Mr.
Underhill? You know why your uncle never heard of him? Because he was young and he was just trying to be himself.
And that's what I want to be, Mr.
Underhill.
And that makes me a criminal in your eyes, doesn't it? Just wanting to be me.
You dance like they wrote the music for you.
Oh, you're pretty good yourself.
I'm out of practice.
Proprietor.
Proprietor.
I'm sorry, sir.
But I just gave my wife your orders.
She's the cook, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
Where's the phone? Right around the back.
There's a booth there.
Can I have change, please? Change? Yes, sir.
Just a second, please.
Was it the real thing between you and the kid who took the rap? Oh, no.
I hardly knew him.
He called one day and asked me to go for a ride, so I went.
I didn't know it was a stolen car.
I didn't do anything wrong.
You couldn't.
Thanks.
But your uncle gets a bang out of thinking you did, doesn't he? Well, he won't let me go back to school.
I was happy there.
All my friends are there.
Well, why don't you tell him off, just for once? Here you are, sir.
Thank you.
Operator, get me the police.
Well, all right, then the sheriff's office.
Your coffee's getting cold.
Yeah.
Coffee.
What do you like studying most at school? Oh, English Lit.
I like to read.
Me, too.
Did you ever read Dostoyevsky? No.
But a teacher of mine told me about him once.
Oh, and I saw a movie.
I know the one you mean, where the young guy kills an old man.
Yes, that's the one.
He said things the way I'd like to say 'em.
Oh, brother, was he an outsider.
Well, maybe I'll get to read him next term.
You forget, Anne, you're not going back to school next term.
I don't think you can stop me, Uncle Charles.
Oh, no? No.
My father made a provision in his will for my education.
I'm still your legal guardian.
And I'm going back to school and there's nothing you can do about it.
I know what's best for you.
Oh, no, you don't! You keep out of this.
You think you know what we all want, don't you? Well, you know what I'd like? No.
No, I don't.
I'd like to build a racing car, faster than anything else on the road.
There goes Len's car and I'd race it in Spain and Rome and Paris.
Yeah, if I had the dough like that crazy young cat who builds his own.
That sounds crazy, doesn't it? Wanting to build something with my own two hands! Like Anne wants to go back to school, like all of us.
Oh, brother, the way you treat this girl If my buddy were here, you know what he'd do? That's just what he'd do.
Officer, if you know how glad I am to see you.
In kind of a hurry to get home, aren't you? Your license, please.
If you only knew the horrible experience I've just been through.
Your license, please.
You realize how fast you were going? Well, I know it was over the limit You were doing 80 miles an hour in a 45-mile zone.
That's what I want to explain.
Explain it in court.
Court! You mean Mister, for the third time, your license, please? Thank you.
Officer, I've won the Safe Driving Award in this county for two years.
You'll have an opportunity to tell all that in court.
But, I was Is this your correct address, Mr.
Underhill? Yes, yes, it is.
I'm setting your court appearance for Wednesday, on the 9th.
Here's your citation.
And I certainly hope Judge Adams isn't on the bench.
He's giving 10-day sentences to all speeders.
Sentencing? Jail? But, Officer, this wasn't my fault! That boy in my car is responsible for it all.
He insisted on a lift.
And out on the highway I found out he was an ex-convict, from the Honor Farm, a knifer.
A knifer? Yes.
He threatened to use one on me.
Oh? Well, maybe we'd better have a talk with him.
Now you'll understand why I stepped on the gas when I saw the lights of this town.
Okay, kid, outside.
Who's the girl? That's my niece.
You out from the Farm? Yeah.
I'm on my way home.
Here's my release.
Mr.
Underhill, here, said you threatened him.
Did you? No.
Search him! Get that knife.
Okay, kid, up top.
I know what to do.
Look, Officer.
Turn around, kid.
Now, you see! See what? If he had a knife on him he doesn't have it now.
Relax, kid.
Well, that ought to take care of your worries, Mr.
Underhill.
Now you take it easy from now on, huh? You're going to be put right back on that Farm.
I'm going to cross and convince the police that you did threaten me.
That isn't true.
You keep out of this.
Did you hear what that officer said? A jail sentence! lt'll be in every newspaper in the Valley.
Me, Charles Underhill, arrested! And all because of you.
Well, you just watch Where did you get it? I've been doing a three month's stretch at the Farm for picking a guy's pocket when I was out of a job.
My talent just came in handy, that's all.
Pickpocket? But I thought All that talk about knives.
Not me.
My cellmate.
I tried to tell you that, but you didn't believe me.
You wanted to think the worst of me.
Of course, if you're such an upright citizen, you can always walk across the street, hand them this officer's book and then you'll take the rap.
Well? Get in.
I wish it understood that my presence here does not constitute an endorsement of the methods employed by the characters in the play.
The striking actors were somewhat disappointed that no one was killed in tonight's play.
They're the understudies, you know.
Next time we shall try to do better.
Until then, good night.