Scrubs s05e21 Episode Script

Work at a hospital long enough, you get used to anything.
Whether it's Dr.
Kim, who makes patients take their pants off no matter what Yep, you've got pink eye.
Can I put my pants back on? Right after I put some drops in.
Or nobody remembering Ray Ketay's 80th birthday.
Why aren't you making a bigger fuss? Uh, I would have, Mr.
Ketay, but Dr.
Reid is throwing a huge celebration for you later.
I should tell her about that.
Truth is, thanks to modern medicine, It's not like the olden days.
Let us not feel sorrow for Bobby Adams.
He was 12.
He led a full life.
He will be missed.
Especially by his beautiful wife, Jenny, who stood by him, even when he turned six, had a mid-life crisis, and was caught banging one of those naked people that brought us corn.
I'd be the oldest man in Pilgrim Village.
Still, you should always celebrate life because you never know when it will throw you a curveball.
Like with Dr.
Cox.
He recently made a decision any doctor would have made, and because of it, three patients died.
At first, he was inconsolably sad.
After that, he started acting out.
In his defense, he did ask for dressing on the side.
Daphne! I heard that he attacked one of the busboys.
Yeah, I heard he bitch-slapped the maitre d'.
Enough, gang.
That's how rumors get started.
Gloria, I made a joke that you hooked up with Leonard, the security guard with the hook-hand, now everyone thinks it's true.
It is true.
And I'm never going back.
Gloria! I love me some white meat.
OK well, make sure you put antiseptic on any puncture wounds, OK? Now I know Dr.
Cox seems crazy mad at the world right now, but let's remember, three patients died.
What's amazing is that he can take a hit like that, one that would knock any of us out for good, and come out still standing.
That's why the man's an inspiration.
I mean, he is a rock.
Yep, he's the best damn doctor here.
Newbie, give me a little trouble? I'm having some help here.
Oh, no.
# I can't do this all on my own # No, I know I'm no Superman # I'm no Superman # All right, people, listen up.
We are a family.
And what do families do when one of their own is in trouble? When my brother came out of the closet my parents sent him to hetero camp.
Families not from Connecticut.
Pregnancy had made Carla a little hormonal.
Dr.
Kelso, I asked you to keep this matter away from the Board.
- Were you able to? - Nurse Espinosa, I - Were you?! - Yes! I told them Dr.
Cox was taking a leave of absence due to problems at home.
- Should anyone ask, you beat him.
- Beat him.
Got it.
I couldn't believe how depressed he was.
- It was so sad.
- Oh, I know.
When I first heard about it, I was like, "Whoa, no way.
" - You don't know what this is about.
- Sure, I do, donkey-boy up in ICU.
We're talking about Dr.
Cox.
Oh.
Well, if anyone's interested, there's a donkey-boy in the ICU.
- Baby? - No, Turk.
Now, Dr.
Cox needs our help getting through this.
Jordan can watch him at morning and at night, but she's got Jack.
- She's not that emotionally available.
- I'm dead inside.
We're all going to spend time with him.
I've made up a schedule.
I have the first shift.
- Any questions? Meeting is adjourned.
- Oh.
- Gosh! - What? For God's sakes, Reid, there's a donkey-boy upstairs.
Damn.
That boy is going to town on that carrot.
You fellas want to go to a real donkey show? It's really very tastefully done.
One of the women who entertains the donkey used to be on a soap.
Pass.
Standing invitation, every Thursday.
Always pass, sir.
Well, I'll ask Mickhead.
Turk, you know what bothers me? Dr.
Cox shows up to work drunk, we act like nothing happened.
I don't know.
I kinda feel for the guy.
Besides I am way too excited.
I start my orthopedic rotation today.
It is going to be awesome.
Turk was psyched because orthopedic surgeons are notoriously the most unemotional, jockish surgeons of all.
Turk was going to have a boss he could connect with.
Hey, guys, I'm Dr.
Stone.
I'm your new attending.
- All right, fellas.
Hands in.
- Yeah.
Mm.
Mmm.
Dr.
Stone? Usually, when people put their hands in, someone says, "Go get them!" or "whoo!" No.
No words yet.
I want you all to get comfortable with the feel of your brother's hands on yours.
As surgeons, we're constantly opening people up and looking around.
But have you ever stopped to open yourself up and look around? - Whoa.
- Mmm.
Whoo! - Hey.
How's he doing? - Hi.
He's not talking and he's you know What? Daddy drinks a lot.
First complete sentence.
Fantastic.
Thanks for doing this.
Hey, sunshine.
You gonna at least say hello? Nothing? Listen I know you keep blaming yourself for this, but you just can't.
When my mom died, I thought that because I was a nurse I should have been able to prevent it somehow.
But over time I realized that bad things are going to happen and beating yourself up isn't going to help anyone.
That's it, sweetie.
Come here.
Come here.
Nurse, I need you to help me drain some fluid.
But first, we have to work on this patient.
Todd, take the scalpel and carve this into your arm.
"No nurse will ever touch your dangle.
" - Christopher, come on.
- Oh.
You know what? You're edgy because you're on the sidelines.
- I know how that digs at you.
- Yeah.
It digs at you right in here.
And that's OK, you know? What would you say if you could have that big knee reconstruction? - Awesome.
- You bet it is.
- Right.
- Yeah.
OK.
- Finished.
- Let's just take a second here to think about what we just did.
We fixed an elbow, yeah? The last thing this man said before he went under was how much he enjoyed Sunday morning tennis.
Right? And I just, I think that's special.
And we're special.
This was special.
Thank you.
He actually said, "I think that's pretty special.
" Then he got all emotional.
- I mean, how lame is that? - It's pretty lame.
I'm just not into all of that sensitive touchy-feely stuff.
You hug me all the time.
And even that took a while.
Remember the first time you tried to hug me? Yeah! Your sports team won the World Series! - What a game! - A grand slam! With Dr.
Stone it's different.
We're not friends.
What kind of guy gets all cuddly with people he just met? It's pathetic.
Dude, that's a little harsh.
How long have you been holding that button? Long enough for me to hear what you really think.
Great.
Is there another guy on this planet who's that sensitive? OK.
Let it out.
I got ya.
J.
D.
's got ya.
Hold me tighter.
Little too tight.
There's a good spot.
- Elliot, why did I have to come? - Because we're a couple, Keith.
- We do things together.
- OK.
Would it be OK if I moved? This couch is uncomfortable.
Dr.
Cox, I am not going to pretend to know what you're going through, but believe me, I've had my experiences.
Remember when I put my malaria patient through that painful procedure, when everyone knew he'd die anyway? You know what? I'm just going to go sit in the bathroom.
Know what I do when I'm having a really tough time getting through things? I just leave the city, get into nature, and just take stock of what's really important.
Just make sure you don't go to a popular parachute drop-zone.
I don't know if it was the adrenaline rush or because I thought he was an angel, but it's fastest I've gone from meeting to kissing.
Yeah.
True story.
- I'm just worried about this mole.
- Doesn't look cancerous.
Ah, get in there and take your pants off.
- You gonna go talk to Dr.
Stone? - It'll blow over.
Plus, he's a surgeon.
Surgeons don't hold grudges.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go scrub up.
By the way, your shift with Dr.
Cox starts in ten minutes.
Turk was right.
Personal feelings shouldn't get in the way of a professional relationship, but they do.
What do you say we rebuild that knee? Actually, I think I'm going to let Dr.
Norman here take the lead on this one, OK? Look, Carla, I have a real problem with what Dr.
Cox did and I don't think I can go over there.
I'm gonna send somebody else over for you, OK? J.
D.
was supposed to come but, um he he's not coming.
I couldn't really worry about bailing on Dr.
Cox.
The Stanleys' child was sick and I had just spent the last 20 minutes asking them awkward questions to rule out the possibility of child abuse.
- Who would smother their own child? - You'd be surprised.
There's Munchausen Syndrome, where a parent will intentionally harm their child to get attention themselves.
I've never heard of that.
Someone should do a public service announcement about it.
Hmm.
Someone should.
Had a tough day at the office, come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink.
It's fun, right? Wrong.
Don't smother your kids.
That problem would be gone forever.
- I am so mad at you.
- Yeah, you big jerk.
How could you stand up Dr.
Cox? Wait, is that what we came to yell at him for? Well, yeah.
What did you think it was? Apparently J.
D.
told Mr.
Ketay I'm throwing a birthday party.
He asked where the cake was.
I panicked.
I told him we got him a weekend in Vegas.
- What? - Can I see Celine Dion? Oh, anything you want, Mr.
Ketay! You're going halfsies with me.
I can't believe you didn't show up at Dr.
Cox's.
Do you have any idea who I had to send in your place? # Gray skies are gonna clear up # Put on a happy face Hap-happy-hap # Brush off the clouds and cheer up If you're not digging this, I've got a hundred jokes about these.
# Sunshine all over the place # Just put on Put on # A happy face # Yeah.
I'm just not down with the whole drinking and doctoring thing.
Deal with it.
Excuse me.
I'll never get a good surgery on this rotation.
I can help you with Dr.
Stone.
He's one of my people.
- He's a sensie.
- What's a sensie? It's short for sensitive guy.
Our music is acoustic alternative.
We marvel at fireflies.
And when we help a drunk girl home from the bar, sure, we cop a feel a feel of her hair as we're pulling it back so she doesn't get vomit on it.
I'm having a weird med school flashback.
I think you held my hair back while I vomited.
It was our last year.
I didn't want you to get Jägermeister in your cornrows.
- My Latrell Sprewell phase.
- Hockey? - Basketball.
- Damn it.
- What am I going to do about Dr.
Stone? - You're going to cry in front of him.
Laugh if you must, but it'll show you have emotional depth and it will trigger a nurturing impulse inside him that we sensies can't resist.
How the hell am I supposed to cry? You need to cry.
Let's brainstorm.
I could hit you over the head with a wrench.
Or I could stab you in the gut with a knife.
# Knife-wrench Practical and safe.
Whoa! Ow! - Oh! Oh, boy! - Anyhoo, don't worry about crying.
I got this menthol from the pharmacy.
I read online that actors in Holly-weird spray their eyes when they need to fake-cry.
Why do you have five? I'm using it for the final death scene in my movie, Dr.
Acula.
Last night, my German financier, Hans, rest in peace, died on the Autobahn.
So now I got to shoot the whole thing on my cell phone.
Hello, Bob.
- No cheek kiss necessary.
- Oh, good.
I had pipe breath.
So when was the last time I was here? '97? I know it's been a while because Enid could still fit through that door.
I shouldn't joke, she's very ill.
I'm going to go take a shower.
Oh, Perry? I don't really know why I'm here, but Nurse Espinosa said if I didn't, she'd stop coming over to my house and giving instructions to my pool boy.
He speaks English, but doesn't have front teeth, so I can never look at him without laughing.
Anyway, I don't know what she expects me to say to you.
I mean, all you do is bust my ass day in and day out.
I guess you you keep me in line on those rare occasions when I lose sight of things.
You could say we balance each other out pretty well.
Perry the hospital needs you.
I need you.
What the hell are you doing? Did Elliot leave without telling me? Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
She made me watch.
OK, there he is.
You ready? Ow! He's the one that needs to cry, you idiot.
Not me.
Ow! Oh yeah.
I forgot all about that crying stuff.
I was just oh hey! Loose thread.
- No! - Got it.
# Knife-wrench! For kids.
OK, he's hugging Colonel Doctor which means you got about seven seconds.
A hug takes seven seconds? A good one does.
Here's the plan.
You're going to tell him a story that isn't inherently sad.
When you get emotional, he will think you're extra-sensitive.
I'll nail you with the menthol.
You'll be crying like a ten-year-old Pilgrim widow.
Here he comes.
And black-tion.
- Dr.
Stone.
- Christopher.
Yeah, you know, I'm just out here thinking about my wife.
She's pregnant with our first child.
Now come on, fishy.
Take the bait.
Children are pretty darn special.
I have seven of my own, and each one is just as compassionate as the next one.
That is the quality that me and my six ex-wives tried to instill in our children.
It's overwhelming here.
Exactly.
You know, my new wife, Carol, she is four months pregnant.
- Congratulations.
- We're separated.
Uh-huh.
We are not so different, you and I.
He's not a sensie.
He's a nut job.
It's hug time, Chris.
Come here.
Whoa! Old habit.
So he has a mild concussion and they're going to let him rest for a while.
Good.
That gives us time to come up with a new plan.
Oh, no.
That's it.
I'm done.
There's no way we will have a relationship.
Not unless I want to bear his 17th child.
He's your attending, you have to connect.
You need somebody you can look up to, someone you can count on.
What you need is someone who will always have your back.
No, J.
D.
, that's what you need.
That's what you've always needed.
Maybe after five years working here, that's not such a good thing.
I got to go and do my shift with Dr.
Cox.
Right then I knew what I had to do.
- Hey.
- What's up? You're probably wondering why I didn't show up before, huh? I know you wanted me to, even though you'd never admit it.
Normally I would kill to get into this apartment, and you'd try and keep me out.
I say "try" because, at your Super Bowl party, which I was not invited to, I was lucky enough to be able to watch the second half from right over there.
I was the bearded Domino's employee you invited in because I said I was a fan of Jerome Bettis, whoever the hell that is.
Anyway, I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come earlier was because of you coming into work drunk.
But that's not it.
I was scared.
I guess after all this time, I still think of you as, like, this superhero that will help me out of any situation I'm in.
I needed that.
But that's my problem, you know, and I'll deal with that.
I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am.
Not because you did the best you could for those patients but because after 20 years of being a doctor when things go badly, you still take it this hard.
And I got to tell you, man, I mean that's the kind of doctor I want to be.
Maybe he just needed time to heal, or maybe he just needed to see how much everybody cared, but I'd like to believe it was because of me that he was finally able to say this You don't drink scotch.
That's awful.
I'm glad you finally shaved.
That's the thing about family.
If you fall off the deep end, you can always count on them to rally around you.
And when you come back, you might get a quick hug a pat on the shoulder maybe just a nod but no words really need to be spoken.
Of course it's always nice when they are.
J.
D thank you.
You're welcome.