The Nanny s05e21 Episode Script

Some water? ( Mumbling ) You know, Fran, it's boiling in here.
If Mr.
Sheffield's having auditions, why don't you just put on the air conditioner? Val, I am not going to have a bunch of chorus girls auditioning for my future husband in a place that might be nippy.
Fran, don't be so insecure.
These women wanna be famous in the theater, not famous for marrying a millionaire husband.
Oh, my God, there's Marla Maples.
Oh, hello, Miss Maples.
- Hi.
- I'm Fran Fine, this is Val.
Oh, I must say I am just so sorry about you and the you know who.
But I'm sure that you must have met someone already and you're completely unavailable.
Oh, honey I am not about to go jump into another relationship.
I am on my own and I've got my career going on.
Oh yeah, you know, it's really none of my business.
Break a leg.
You see, Fran, she is not after Mr.
Sheffield.
Shh, Val! You thought I was after Maxwell? ( laughs ) ( laughs ) Me and Max were over a long time ago.
Say what now? Well, back when we me and you know were separated, Max and I had a little, uh, you know.
Um, no I don't know.
Embellish, bubbe.
Well, we sort of we really flirted a lot.
Who knows? If things had been different, maybe Miss Maples, Mr.
Sheffield asked me to tell you he's very sorry, but the part's been cast.
He will, however, keep you in mind for future roles.
You know what they say, one door closes, another opens.
Oh, look at that.
I have not waited around five years for some little shiksa to come in and ruin my wedding.
Ooh.
Oh, thank you, Niles.
You know, you could be ma if it weren't for the whiskers although.
If anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs preparing the guest room.
Oh, why, who's coming? Mr.
Sheffield's brother, Nigel, he's arriving any minute.
Oh, that's great, because you know we haven't seen Nigel Since I almost ran off and married him on that boat! I know, my God, Fran, what are you gonna do? I don't know, I've kept this whole thing a secret from Maxwell all this time.
I'd keep going with that.
( Doorbell rings ) Oh, my God, that's him.
What am I gonna do? Okay now, wait, don't panic, don't panic.
Calm down, calm down.
All right look, it happened a year and a half ago.
Right.
- We're adults.
- Yeah.
We'll just act like nothing happened.
- Yeah.
- So? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hello, darling.
So how've you been? She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens Till her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes What was she to do, where was she to go, she was out on her fanny So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door She was there to sell make up but the father saw more She had style, she had flair, she was there, that's how she became the Nanny Who would have guessed that the girl we described Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now, the father finds her beguiling Watch out, C.
C.
And the kids are actually smiling such joie de vivre She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran Oh, darling, you look even hotter than the last time I saw you.
Shh! Are you crazy? What happened between you and me is over and in the past.
My heart now belongs to Maxwell.
So would you knock it off with the darling stuff? But, baby you're the love of my life.
Oh, Nigel, how I have devastated you.
But you're just gonna have to get on with your life no matter how difficult it is.
Bonjour.
Oh, Fran, meet Genevieve, the love of my life.
Well, that was a quick recovery.
Oh, you must be so happy to marry again, no? Oh, actually this is my first time.
Really? How old are you? Uh, well, I don't know the metric conversion.
Listen, I gotta talk to you.
You cannot breathe a word to your Nigel! Oh, yeah, look who's here, Nigel's here.
We were just making out Uh, making up for lost time.
- Congratulations, you old dog.
- Oh, thank you.
- This is Genevieve.
- Hello.
Genevieve is the girl with whom Nigel is involved.
You know what, Fran? I should go.
I'm afraid I might slip and say something.
All right, Val, go! Oh, so you're Fran.
- Yes.
- Now I remember, She is the girl you almost Ooh, now, Genevieve has to go, it's jet lag.
Honey, take her to her room.
Bye, Genevieve.
Maxwell, we have three dancers to see.
Nigel, I didn't know you were coming.
Yes, C.
C.
's been away, on holiday.
Oh, yes, I heard you went crackers.
Nigel! No, Maxwell it's quite all right.
They told us the most important part of our recovery is admitting that we have a problem.
The truth is I was fine and I'm suing the hell out of those quacks.
Nigel, if you'll excuse us, I have these auditions to attend to but I'll catch up with you at dinner.
Yeah, okay, we'll see you at supper.
Don't you worry about us.
Nigel, you can't breathe a word of this to Maxwell, because he doesn't know about you and I almost running off and getting married together.
And we have a very honest and trusting relationship.
But you don't have that relationship with him.
So you can lie through your teeth.
Fran, don't worry, We don't share anything, we're English.
If I started telling Max about all the birds I was in love with, well, we'd be here all year.
Oh, well, thanks, you meant a lot to me too.
Just sign here, sir.
There we are.
Thank you.
Oh, Niles, I just heard that Maxwell asked Nigel to be his best man.
Oh, but don't let it get you down.
You'll always be the bridesmaid.
I am not a bit upset that he chose his brother, if anything I expected you to be the best man.
Another wedding gift, Miss Fine.
Oh, my God, look, it's a box from Tiffany's.
His side.
Oh, no, it's a blender from Costco.
- Our side.
- Our side.
You know, at my wedding in the old country I got a blender too.
Her name was Pola.
She could take an apple in her bare hands and squeeze the juice right into the glass.
So, Fran, have you decided on the band you want to play at your wedding? Your aunt Marilyn wants her son's Hasidic heavy metal band to play.
What kind of a name is "Smashing Pupiks?" Oh, come on, every man has a bachelor party, it's tradition.
Yeah, Dad, it's tradition.
Oh, would you excuse us a minute, Grace? You're asking me to leave? I have to explain "Dawson's Creek" to her.
Come on, Fran, tell him.
A bachelor party doesn't bother you, right? You want me to encourage him to go to a party with a bunch of naked women dancing and pressing themselves up against him? Oh, I think that's so degrading to women.
Quite frankly, I find them a complete turnoff.
I think you should have one.
Yes, we can have a bachelor party.
And you're too young to come! Fran, I cannot believe you're letting him have one.
I mean they're so degrading to women.
Me, I'm not comfortable with my Sammy looking at other girls.
Yetta, Sammy is blind.
Yeah, but he sees with his hands.
You're very naive, darling.
Why? I know a man who cancelled the wedding because he ran off with the girl who came out of the cake.
Who? Daddy.
Well, isn't that ironic? You were in the cake, and now the cake's in you.
( laughs ) Oh, Ma, I trust Maxwell.
Besides, he is just so uptight.
I mean, he can't even bring himself to peel the skin off of a breast of chicken.
So get this, right, they blow up this pool, and then these girls fill it with this green gelatin.
Oh, and you know what they say: there's always room for gelatin.
I wanna go.
I love jiggly stuff.
Oh, Ma, I trust Maxwell.
You heard him.
He doesn't have any interest in this stuff.
He's only doing it to humor Nigel.
Yeah, and I went to Hershey, Pennsylvania, to see the Amish.
( Music playing ) Of course, Nigel, do you realize it's a brand new computer system and they're still trying to work out all the jugs.
Bugs! You said jugs, bro! I know what I said.
Come on, Max, you're having a good time.
Admit it.
Well, I'm not denying it does have a certain Wow is she built like a brick Charm to it.
But let's face it, it is totally bereft of any dignity.
Fabulous party, sir, fabulous.
Well, big brother! Here's to your final week of freedom! Better thee than me.
Oh, wait a minute, Nigel.
Fran is a wonderful woman.
You don't know what you're missing.
To the future Mrs.
Maxwell Sheffield.
Hear! Hear! To my future wife! Cheers! You know, she could just as easily have been your sister-in-law if she'd accepted my proposal last time I was here.
- Abso-blimey-lutely.
- Yep.
What? You are a lucky man, Max, if she'd met me on the boat like we planned, she'd be my wife today.
You proposed to Fran? Surprise! You almost married my brother? See ya! Why won't you listen to me? I told you that nothing happened between me and Nigel.
I find it hard to believe that a man and a women could spend so much time together with so much sexual tension without anything happening.
Really? I don't.
I just can't believe you and Nigel were While and I were you know.
No, I don't know, because technically you and I were nothing, because you were so scared you couldn't even make up your mind about what we weren't But but you knew how I felt about you.
I thought I did when you told me you loved me, but then you took it back.
Oh, why do you always have to bring that up? Why? Does it make you feel bad and guilty? Yes.
Well, that's why I always have to bring it up.
Aha! And there he is.
Come on, Max, you're overreacting.
How was I supposed to know you were in love with Fran? You never paid her any attention.
You said flat out there wasn't anything between you.
Oh, you know what that means.
How long have you known me? Well, you know, to be quite honest, I mean, you are not the most communicative I would tread very lightly right now if I were you.
Treading lightly, treading lightly.
Honestly, I can't get through to you, so I'm leaving.
And I'm taking the woman I love.
Nigel! I don't love you.
Now get it through your head already and let it go Oh, you're talking about Frenchie, yeah, go get her.
Come on, honey, let's sit down and talk about this.
No, I don't have anything to say to you, Fran.
You have plunged a knife into my heart and twisted it.
Are you sure there's no Jewish blood in you? I just can't believe you could do something like this and then not have the character to tell me about it.
Thank you, officer.
Did somebody forget something at the party? ( Crying ) He loves me not, He loves me not.
He loves me not.
Oh, Ma.
Darling, your eyes are all red.
Have you been crying? ( Crying ) Oh, the most horrible thing happened! I knew it, the caterer won't make a twice baked potato! Why do you always assume the worst? Ma, I never told you this, but like a year and a half ago I almost ran off and married Maxwell's brother Nigel.
( Gasps ) You could have been married a year and a half ago? The thing is I never told Maxwell about it and now he's found out and the whole wedding could be in jeopardy.
Oh, my darling.
Did you hear? I'm nauseous already.
This is your fault.
You had her for all the birthdays up to 29.
And you had her for all the birthdays back to it.
Oh, stop it, you two, this isn't about you, it's about me and my life.
I'm the one that messed up, I'm the one that almost ran out on Maxwell.
I'm the one that oh now, you see? This is why they threw the book at me at Traffic Court.
Good afternoon.
Sir.
Son.
We are gonna leave you alone and give you the space to work it out.
Oh, Maxwell, I've been huh? Let's go in there.
They walked into another room.
We should've had a plan B.
Maxwell, I know that I was wrong, I should have told you.
I promise you I will never ever keep anything from you again.
With my own brother? Well, exactly.
I thought you didn't want me anymore, and I found him very attractive.
I had Sheffield mania.
You know, not the real thing, but an incredible simulation.
I just feel very betrayed, Fran.
Well, what did you expect? I mean, you took back telling me that you loved me and then you're surprised I didn't wait around for you? That's not fair.
You can't have it both ways.
You know, I'm just beginning to think you're making such a big megillah about all this because you're looking for an excuse to take back your commitment to me.
I'm sorry if you feel that way, Fran, but I just can't forgive you yet.
You know what, I'm going to make it real easy for you, here, take back your ring.
Sylvia: Why, for the love of God? Niles: No! You can't do this.
I already dyed my shoes! If you leave, I'm gonna throw myself in the Hudson River! Ma, flooding New Jersey is not gonna solve anything.
Hello.
Hello.
Nanny Fine, about your wedding, I just came back from Crate and Barrel.
Shopping for a dress? No, but I did see something you'd just love at Husky Butler Boys.
Nanny Fine, what's with the suitcase? Where are you going? Well, you'll be happy to know that Maxwell and I had a terrible fight and I gave him back the ring and the wedding is off.
What? He thinks Fran had an infidelity.
Oh, please, you've been hanging around here for five years, you're the biggest doormat there is! I know, and wouldn't you think that would count as something? And where did he get so holier-than-thou? You don't think Maxwell Sheffield has a roving eye? I've caught him checking me out in the office.
Shut up.
Let me tell you, Maxwell Sheffield has not spent every night of the last five years doing a one-man show.
Miss Babcock, I think you're on to something.
Ma, help me unpack.
You do realize that you might have just pushed them into a reconciliation? I know.
That damn Prozac is turning me into a caring human being.
And they said there'd be no harmful side effects.
Uh, Maxwell? I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about things and I really understand how you must feel.
I mean, I'd be really upset if you did the same thing to me.
Well, I appreciate your saying that, Fran.
There's really no need to give back the ring.
I'm sure I will get through this eventually.
But, you know, Max: it's important for you to understand that if two people don't have trust, if they can't be completely open and honest with each other.
And all they have is Marla! Marla! I mean, no, Miss Maples! Hi, Maxwell, I haven't seen you since that night where Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, goodness, how long ago was that now? Six, seven years? A year and a half.
Oh, really? Really? That long.
Well, my, how time flies.
Anyway, Marla, thank you for dropping by and, listen, about that part you're interested in, it's yours.
I'll call you.
No, no, no, I won't call you! Agent, I'll call your agent.
Okay, I'll just show Marla out.
Oh, thanks, Marl.
No problem, sweetie.
I just don't want to see you go through what I'm going through.
Every day I kick myself about the man that got away.
Listen, it didn't work out for you and Donald but Not Donald, Maxwell.
- Your cab's waiting.
- Oh.
Ah, well, darling.
I'm glad everything got straightened out.
So, what do you say about a spot of dinner? What are you in the mood for? Oh, I don't know.
Could you go for a little crow? All right, all right, point well taken.
I'm, uh, I'm sorry.
I suppose I haven't been much of a saint either.
Look, I only overreacted because, well, I didn't realize how close I came to losing you.
And what would if I had done if you had actually gotten on that boat with Nigel? But I didn't.
I'm here with you.
You know there's a word in Yiddish for that.
It's "bashert.
" What does that mean? It means "meant to be," because no matter what happens that's what we are, meant to be.
We're naked without each other.
Like my finger.
Fran, I love you.
I love you too.
Sylvia: It's back on! Niles: Praise the Lord! ( applause ) Oh, look, another food dehydrator.
Well, I suppose you can never have too much jerky.
( Doorbell rings ) Oh, I'm so excited.
They're delivering my gift for you.
Oh, Yetta, you didn't have to get me anything.
Oh, nonsense, I just got you a bread maker.
Aww Malka, come on in.
( Jazz music playing )