Spin City s05e23 Episode Script

Previously on "spin city" You're important, Charlie.
She has feelings for you? I was getting all the signals.
You mean a lot to me and I don't always show it, but I think you're amazing.
Charlie?! Caitlin! Tim! Kara called again.
Tell her I got gunned down.
You used that one in October.
You mean I actually get shot and I can't even use it? Look, when Caitlin gets here, tell her I'm not in.
I don't want to talk to her right now.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you want me to check these numbers or do it together? You take care of it.
Great.
Anything else you want to talk about? No.
Great.
See ya.
Yes! We have to talk about last night.
Oh Charlie, you tried to kiss me.
I did? I don't remember that.
I was all whacked-out on pain medication.
They gave you Tylenol.
Extra-strength Tylenol.
I was trippin' hard.
Come on.
It's in the past.
Nothing can be gained by talking about it.
You tried to kiss me and I want to know why.
You tried to kiss Caitlin? No, and please, don't repeat this.
Repeat what? Charlie tried to kiss Caitlin.
Classic.
We are not talking about it.
What? He made a move on Caitlin and got slammed.
Ooh! Access denied! GetOut! You see what happens when you talk about this stuff? I just feel bad about what happened.
I'm in this great relationship and all you have isNothing.
You're all alone.
No, no, I happen to be seeing someone very special.
Who? Her name is Kara.
How come I haven't seen you with her? Uh, Kara's a very private person.
What does she do? She's a spy.
Well, I'd love to meet her.
Maybe you have and you don't know it.
No, you're my peanut.
No, you're my peanut.
Look, I can't be the peanut right now.
Last week, you were a "pookie-pie.
" Now you're a bona fide snack food.
Things are getting serious.
Come on, you must do silly relationship things with Kara.
You don't want to know how silly we get.
We are all about silly.
I would like to meet her.
Why don't you guys join Tim and I for lunch? Great.
Kara and I would love that.
Great.
You're back together with Kara? Crazy Kara?! Hey, hey, Kara's great.
The woman set your bed on fire.
That was an accident.
She had no way of knowing that match would light that oily rag.
Charlie, what's going on? You try to kiss Caitlin, now you're back with Kara? Crazy Kara?! Hey, she's an obsessive-compulsive manic-depressive with a touch of delusional paranoia not crazy.
Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Chad.
He's an old friend who's had a little trouble with the law.
What did they get you for? Loitering.
Not bad.
I shot a guy.
Anyway, I've decided to offer him a position here at city hall.
So I want you to treat him as an equal.
Thank you.
Here's a dollar.
Go grab me a soda.
Believe it or not, back at school, Chad used to beat me at everything.
I'd get an "a", he'd get an a-plus.
I'd help an old lady across the street, he'd give Norman mailer a tracheotomy with a bic pen.
Then he got expelled and he never recovered, all because of a cruel twist of fate.
Didn't you slip a joint into his pocket during a dorm search? Yes, I did.
Oh, cruel fate.
Well, Kara, it's great to see you.
Oh, well, I'm so happy to be here.
Although I must tell you I was advised not to come By all five of my therapists.
Oh, you got it down to five? I hope you didn't call me just because you know I'm available.
No, no, you're special.
Sure, there are plenty of women who are attractive and interesting, but with you there's this added element ofFear.
Oh, well Hey, sorry we're late.
We were walking through the park.
We saw a caricaturist and we just couldn't resist.
The cowboy theme was h idea.
I love this girl.
She's crazy.
So is this one.
This is gonna be fun! Looking forward to it.
So, Kara, it's nice to finally meet you.
I'm Caitlin.
This is Tim.
It's nice meeting you both.
Can I take your drink order? Coke, please.
Is Pepsi okay? Did I say Pepsi? No, I said coke.
I want a coke! She really likes coke.
How long have you two been seeing each other? It's been a couple of months, and we clicked immediately.
We have so much in common.
Just like us.
I mean, I grew up in New York.
Kara grew upWhere she did.
From there it was just click, click, click.
It's amazing when you meet someone and you just know.
Same thing happened with me and Kara.
We are so right for each other that there's no way I could ever be interested in anyone else.
Yep Kara's the one for me.
Oh! I'm sorry, I just waited so long to hear that.
Oh Hey! Who do I gotta bang to get a hot roll around here?! Carter and Paul should be back with Chad any minute.
That's a really nice thing you're doing.
Well, Stuart, seeing an old friend cold, hungry, alone on the streets, I couldn't help thinking, "why? Why did he have to recognize me?" But it feels good to be doing the right thing.
Chad, you look fantastic! Thank you, Randall.
This opportunity means a lot to me.
Well is that my suit? Yep.
I never noticed it until Chad put it on.
Well, Chad's got a better body than the mayor.
No, it just looks that way because of the mayor's horrible posture.
You're bald.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am here today to announce my new job-creation program, and to assist me I have hired Chad follansbee a penniless vagrant And a hell of a guy! I hired this man To make sure the underprivileged have a voice.
Chad! What's it like to live on the streets? I'll take that.
Not good.
When I was on the street, I didn't have a shelter, I didn't have clean clothes, but I always had hope.
And if I do anything for the disenfranchised, it will be to let them know that there is hope.
Of course Hope has to be matched with real assistance.
We need a more effective meals program, more low-income housing and a jobs-training program.
That's very impressive, Chad.
By the way, you look dynamite in that suit.
Well, you know what they say, "clothes make the man.
" Chad's great.
You're still bald.
Charlie, your phone has been ringing off the hook.
Who called? "Kara, Kara, Kara, your mom And Kara.
" What did my mom want? She wants to know why Kara keeps calling her.
What is going on with you and Kara? Crazy Kara?! Paul, that's the last time I want to hear you say that.
You spent six months dodging her.
You know she's not right for you.
Of course I know.
I only called her because you think I'm into Caitlin.
Are you? No! I'll admit, she's been on my mind a lot lately.
I've been jealous.
I tried to kiss her.
Oh, damn it, I think I'm into her.
I thought we'd be friends, but who am I kidding? I'm not a guy that can be friends with a woman.
You gotta sit Caitlin down and open up to her.
Or I could not sit down with her and n open up to her.
I think I'll go with mine.
You don't want to end up like those couples who act like friends, but they're actually so close that they finish each other's sentences.
Exactly.
When you're that connected, eventually you'll end up romant romantically involved.
Okay, that was disturbing.
But you're right.
I do have to tell her how I feel.
Caitlin, do you have a minute? Oh, not now.
I just got a message from Tim.
He has something very important to talk to me about.
I think it might involve a ring.
Wow! That is exciting.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
I'm happy for you.
Thank you.
This is terrible.
I'm gonna have to get her a gift.
Hello? Charlie I'm just checking in.
I know how upset you were about Caitlin, and I want to make sure you didn't do anything stupid.
Carter, give me a little credit.
Oh, if that's my pharmacist, tell him I ran out of mood stabilizers.
Is that Kara? If you had sex with her, it would be a huge mistake.
I wish you had called me I mean 60.
Don't tell anyone I was with her.
Give me a little credit.
He slept with her Right after he took her to dinner.
Ooh! Get details.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! What did they order? Peanut? Who was that? Just friends from work.
Good, 'cause I'd freak out if you were talking to another woman.
Hello? Hey, Caitlin ski It's Bob caitlinski.
A male friend of mine.
What? Tim broke up with you? Don't cry.
Come on, you're smart, you're beautiful.
Bob's very insecure about his looks.
I'll be right over.
I gotta go.
Sounds like he's ready to snap.
Wait.
Mm Here, take these.
They prevent violent outbursts.
Why don't you keep them? Looks like you have a serious paper jam.
Let's have a look.
Oh, thank you.
Here's your problem.
Wow! You are so mechanical.
Okay, Randall, she digs you.
Now keep it subtle.
I'm incredibly wealthy.
Randall, I was going over the budget, and it looks like we can afford my jobs program for homeless veterans.
It is so refreshing to meet someone who's passionate about helping people.
I'm Judy.
I'm Chad.
Hey, Randy, are you going to the Vietnam war protest? Oh, you bet.
I just finished my sign.
I like a man who stands up for what he believes in.
Okay, Randy, she digs you.
Now, keep it subtle.
My father's incredibly wealthy.
After the rally, would you like to see the mills brothers? Hey, Randy.
Chad.
You wanna see the Beatles? I'd love to, Chad.
Beatles we'll be listening to the mills brothers long after they're gone.
I was just heading out for a cup of coffee.
Would you Care to join me? I'd love to.
Charlie, it was terrible.
I meet Tim for dinner expecting a proposal and you know what he says he has an ex-fiancée.
And she wants him back and he's still in love with her.
Ohh! I've never been so humiliated! This is the worst moment of my life! I brought ice cream.
I really thought he was gonna be the one.
I know how you feel.
No, you don't.
You have Kara.
Caitlin, the woman set my bed on fire.
How can you brag at a time like this? No, she literally torched my bed.
I lost my favorite comforter and Mr.
snuggles.
You have a Teddy bear? I'm not a child.
He's an alligator.
There you go.
We're having fun now.
You know, you were the first person I called.
I'm here for you.
Who would've thought that you'd end up being my best friend? Who would've thought? I-I can't do this.
Uh, Charlie, I think you're confused.
What you meant to say was, "yes, thank you.
" I'm sorry.
I just realized something.
You're my best friend, too.
This is the best relationship I've ever had.
I am more myself around you than any woman I've ever dated.
I don't want to screw this up.
Now I totally want you.
No, don't you see? For the first time in my life, I can be friends with a woman.
I'm above casual sex.
Can't you be above it tomorrow? Caitlin, it would be amazing But you mean too much to me.
Look, I was confused about my feelings for you.
But now I'm not.
We're friends and that's what's important.
Well, I guess I'll have to suppress my sexual urges by stuffing my face with ice cream.
Does that work? Yeah.
I'm gonna need this.
Randall, I was going over the speech you wrote and, um, there's just one thing I didn't like.
Uh-huh.
All of it.
That is one surly hobo.
It's like prep school all over again.
I feel inferior and insecure.
If he makes you feel that way, why don't you get rid of him? Oh, I can't.
I just sang his praises in front of the press.
You know, Paul, I'm just gonna have to handle this like a man.
I'm gonna walk right up to Chad and Plant my wallet on him.
You wait a few minutes and then you come in with a security guard.
We won't press charges.
I'll get him a job in the private sector.
He'll make lots of money for doing nothing.
Maybe Chad could stay and I could go.
In a perfect world, we'd get both.
Chad I just want to say, um How much we've loved having you around city hall.
You have? Of course.
I want to apologize for the way I've been acting.
Oh No, no, I the fact is, I'mJealous of you.
I've always been jealous of you.
You have? At Wellington, you were so cool and confident, my whole life was just consumed with trying to beat Randall when all I really wanted was to be Randall.
That means so much to me.
And you give me this second chance and I revive my petty competition.
Truth is I'm lucky to know a man like you.
Winston You are pure class.
There he is! I saw that guy steal the mayor's wallet! What are you talking about? Wait a nice try, huh? Let's go.
Oh, wait.
Now, there's been a mistake.
Hold on a second.
Randall! Fate She's a fickle lady.
That's not working.
Just wanted to check back in and see if things worked out with Kara.
Crazy Kara?! Shut up, Paul! Hey I wanted to thank you for coming by.
The more I get to know you, the more you surprise me.
I hope Kara's not too mad at you, and I hope you get a good night's sleep.
Anyway, I really respect that you put friendship before sex.
And I have to admit, as I lie here in the tub, covered in bubbles with candles going, it's probably better you're not here.
Can I come in? Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.