The Avengers (1961) s05e23 Episode Script

Nice day, Hubert.
-Aye.
It is a nice day.
Yesterday was nice too.
Ah.
Yesterday was a nice day.
It might rain though.
Oh, I don't know.
You might be right, Hubert.
Funny old day.
It might rain.
Steed.
Major Paul Croft, John Steed.
Sorry, I haven't a hand to offer you.
Come in Major, delighted to see you at last.
-How was the trip? -He was two hours late.
-Held up in Karachi.
-Runaway elephant.
No.
An elephant on the runway.
Very old and very tame.
No drama, I'm afraid.
How do you do? Do sit down, won't you? I've heard a lot about you.
Puts us on equal terms then.
Mrs.
Peel has been talking about you all week.
I've been looking forward to seeing you.
Gather you've known each other a long time.
Since I was seven.
Six.
She was a leggy little horror with pigtails.
-I can't believe it! -It's true.
We lived next door to each other.
I used to climb over the wall I mean the champagne.
I specifically asked my vintner for a '26.
He sent me a '27.
What's a digit between friends? On his first day home.
After years of defending some far flung corner of the British empire he deserves a more than special vintage.
The '27 will be fine, really.
And you don't have to call me Major.
Not anymore.
It's a fact.
I'm resigning my commission.
I bought a house in the country.
I'm going to settle down and grow things.
-Breed horses or something.
-That's marvellous.
-Where is this place? -Near Little Storping.
-Little Storping? I don't know it.
-Neither do I.
I bought the place sight unseen.
I saw an advert.
Sounded like the place I wanted so I took a chance.
Despite the year, I hope the temperature will prove acceptable.
You're going to Little Storping later? Yes.
Forbes has gone on ahead to tidy up.
Private Forbes? Is he still with you? Yes.
After all these years, I still can't get rid of the beer soaked rascal.
He ought to be there.
He's probably stopped for a drink at the pub.
We've had good times.
-It's nearly 12:00.
-Is it, now? I'd better be moving, before the Major starts after me.
I thought you said you had him trained properly.
Father! You know there's an event at 12:00.
I'd forgotten.
An event? Local carnival or something? Anything worth watching? Nothing really interesting really.
-You're not going yet? -Not without another.
No.
Of course he's not.
Particularly as this one's on the house.
It's the last one, mind.
I must say this is a friendly little place.
We don't get many strangers passing through.
Off the beaten track, you see.
Hardly anyone knows it's here.
What exactly is this event? -Pardon? -An event.
At 12:00, you said Hear that? -Hear what? -Gun shots.
Sounded like gun shots.
Gun shots? You hear anything like that? -Like what? -Gun shots.
Seem to come from outside.
Probably a car backfiring or your imagination.
I really must be going this time.
See you again perhaps.
Next time you're passing through.
You'll see me sooner than that and more often.
Moving in.
-Permanently? -That's right.
Just taken the house on the hill.
You know I could easily hire a car.
-I wouldn't hear of it.
-Her stubborn streak.
-It's quite a way.
-I feel like a drive.
It's been a while.
We've got a lot to talk about.
-I want to see this new house.
-It's not new.
It's a big, honest country house.
Come to give me a hand? That's what I call neighbourly.
Really neighbourly! Careful with that.
Valuable.
I told you to be careful! That was clumsy.
Wonder what's in that box.
There's a funny thing.
Did you notice that man back there? Frederic Williams.
Big financier.
Or at least he was.
Sorry.
I've been out of touch for a while.
His empire crumbled a few weeks ago.
He was virtually ruined.
What's funny about that? Did you notice the driver of the limousine a few miles back? -The thick set chap? -Samuel Morgan.
The man who slipped the financial knife into Williams.
Quite a coincidence.
Out of the way spot like this.
And two of the deadliest enemies within a mile or so of each other.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate all this.
The places I've lived in the last few years.
Lonely, remote places most of them.
You lose the knack of dealing with people.
This way, you're helping to ease me gently back into civilisation.
He must've got drunk.
Raving drunk! I'll break him.
I'll take hold of his scraggy little neck You don't know what's happened.
You don't know if it was him.
Of course, it was him.
I warned him before about drinking.
A hundred times.
Who else would He doesn't seem to be here.
He's probably skulking in the bushes somewhere.
Or else gone back to get recharged.
I'm going to check the pub.
I'll roust him out.
-You stay here! -Take my car! Good afternoon, sir.
Can I help you? I'm looking for a man called Forbes.
About so high.
Neat looking fellow.
-Clean shaven.
-Sorry.
-You didn't stop to think.
-I don't know any "Forbes.
" That means he's a stranger.
I haven't seen a stranger all week.
He must've been here.
He can't resist! -What's the trouble? -This man is looking for a Man called Forbes.
Medium height.
Dapper.
-Perhaps, you've seen him.
-I've told him we've seen no strangers.
She's quite right.
I'm sorry we can't help you.
How about you? I can add nothing to what Jennifer has already told you.
Perhaps, he thinks our Jenny's lying.
I had a mysterious message to meet someone.
I was to learn something to my advantage.
Financial advantage.
I suggest you wait a little longer.
I've wasted enough time.
If anyone does turn up, give him one of those.
I think she's coming 'round.
The brandy did the trick.
Are you feeling better? I'm Dr.
Haynes.
You've been lucky.
No bones broken.
But you've taken rather a nasty bump.
Would've been nastier if she'd hit that wall.
She must have skidded past it by inches.
Wall? -Skidded? -See for yourself.
I don't remember driving back.
-I was with Forbes.
-There was nobody else in the car -when we found you.
-I'd found his body.
Been murdered him with a sickle.
-Sit down -I didn't imagine it.
He was there.
On the grounds of Paul's house.
Who's Paul? Major Croft.
He was coming here.
You must've seen him.
I don't know what's happening here.
I do know that I found Forbes.
Dead.
Then something hit me.
She's more badly hurt than you suspected.
There's a dead man at Paul's house.
Why don't you come and see for yourself? A waste of time.
You seem very sure of your facts.
I am.
Are you coming? Come now.
All right, I'll come with you.
We'd better take my car.
Paul went berserk when he saw the wreckage.
He wasn't thinking clearly.
Jumped to the first assumption.
That Forbes had got drunk.
One can hardly blame him.
When he saw all those beautiful things just destroyed.
Where do we find the body? You gave me a scare.
I must've dozed off.
-You know this man? -Yes, everybody knows him.
Best chopping man in the village.
When he's awake.
-Why are you here? -Looking after the gardens.
-For Major Croft? -I don't know anyone named Croft.
The estate agents asked me to keep the place tidy.
-In case it sells.
-But it has been sold.
The important question is, how long have you been sleeping? Since about 12:30.
He can't have been! -The whole time? -Afraid so.
You know me.
Heavy sleeper.
I shouldn't worry about it.
This sort of thing happens.
A blow on the head can lead to all sorts of things.
Amnesia.
Even hallucinations.
It'll soon pass.
My surgery's not far from here.
It's on the road up.
If we stop in, I'll give you some pills.
Can you give me an explanation, too? No.
That I'm afraid I can't do.
Press that one, you might set it on fire! Nice lookin' motor! Did you find a body? I'll take you up on that offer.
The pills.
Yes.
Okay, fine.
It's not far.
Follow me.
Do you mind? Here we are.
Take two of these four times a day -May I use your phone? -Surely.
What about the pills? Just an excuse.
I didn't want them to suspect.
Operator? What do you mean? The men in the village.
One of them had Paul's watch.
If I can persuade you to take a sedative I'm all right.
Operator? Get me the police, please.
Get me the nearest police station and please hurry.
One moment, please.
I hope you know what you're doing.
I can't support you on this.
Medically, you're suffering from -County police.
-Hello, police? -Sergeant Banks here.
Can I help you? -You certainly can.
I'd like to report a murder.
-Murder? -Possibly two.
-Your name? -Mrs.
Emma Peel.
Where are you phoning from? Dr.
Haynes' surgery.
Little Storping.
Stay there.
We're on our way.
This is ridiculous.
-I've known these people for half my life.
-Since you were six years old? That's how long I've known Paul.
It's a strange story.
-Very strange.
-You've probably heard stranger.
Not many.
No.
You went to the house? -And saw nothing? -No.
Nothing.
I'm sorry but that is the truth.
Don't worry.
We'll soon get to the bottom of this.
We'll run up there and make a thorough check.
I can contact you here, later? You're welcome to stay.
-Oughtn't I to go -From now on, it's police business.
Think we can handle it.
The watch! I forgot to tell him about Paul's watch.
Did you catch him in time? That tidbit about the watch must have added credibility to your story.
-Have you ever seen him before? -Banks? No, he must be the county police.
You all right? You ought to lie down and rest.
You wouldn't know if he were a policeman? You saw him arrive in a police car and wearing uniform.
And patterned socks.
Did you ever see a uniformed police man wearing brightly coloured patterned socks? I see.
What are you doing? Calling the hospital.
That blow on the head, caused more trouble than I anticipated.
No you don't.
Thanks for the hospitality and all that.
You're not going to lock me up Call a meeting.
An emergency meeting.
Sorry about that.
Something's got to be done.
And quickly! I gained us some time.
I told her to stay at Haynes' place.
We've got Maggie to thank for that.
If she'd lost her head when Peel started asking for the police -Well done.
-Don't forget I helped.
Her first thought was to contact me.
Because you're the only one who fits the uniform! Just a minute! We're wasting time! We're here to decide to do about Mrs.
Peel! Where's Haynes? He called this meeting.
That's right.
Where is he? She's got away.
There she is! Get the helicopter.
I'm afraid it's no use.
We've all of us tried.
I'm afraid these old things were made to last.
-Where is this place? -Little Storping Museum.
I often used to help the curator here.
Forgive me.
My name is Purser.
Jeremy Purser.
I was once the vicar here.
This is George Miller.
He was the police sergeant for this district.
-The local magistrate.
-How do you do? She ran the telephone exchange.
They thought she yelled too much.
They? Those mad men? They're not mad.
What' s going on? Little Storping has become a boom town.
What happened? Little Storping seemed doomed.
We had all met to write its epitaph.
Then it happened.
-What happened? -Two strangers.
Two men we'd never seen before.
They came out of the pub.
They were arguing.
Then, one took out a gun and killed the other.
We saw the whole thing from the window.
He committed murder in front of the whole village.
-In front of all those witnesses! -And you? -You went out and arrested him? -He came into us! When he offered us the deal.
-What deal? -He was a rich man.
Very rich.
He offered us one million pounds to be equally divided -amongst the whole village.
-lf we'd promise not to talk.
Then? It was a tempting offer.
Coming when it did.
-It wasn't taken seriously! -But it was! Deadly serious.
Miller, myself, Hilary and the vicar did our best to talk them out of it.
-They insisted it was put to vote.
-And it was carried.
There were only four dissenters.
Us.
-They took the money? -The whole village as one man.
They all connived at murder.
Dr.
Haynes swore the victim had died of a heart attack.
The murderer had as many witnesses to prove it.
He bought an entire community! -The perfect crime! -Since then? Then the seeds were sown.
A million divided wasn't enough.
The people had tasted money.
They became greedier.
They held another meeting.
And agreed to offer the same service to others.
For a fat fee, you can lure your enemy to this village.
And kill him at will.
And get away with it.
The town's wide open! Anything can happen in Little Storping.
Anything at all.
You can't just stand by and let this nightmare continue.
I told you we have tried.
Our predicament is impossible! Nothing's impossible.
We've come to a decision about you.
You're to disappear.
You were never in Little Storping.
I wish that were true.
There's a problem.
We've checked up on Croft's papers.
He and his man only just arrived in this country.
Nobody's going to miss them.
We know very little about you.
Shall I give you a thumbnail sketch? Who knows you're here? Who's going to miss you? I'll make her talk.
Yes.
She's all yours.
You could spare yourself this.
You know what we want! Who knows you're here? Isn't that enough? Let her up.
All right.
I'll tell you.
Who knows you're here? Only one person.
Who? John.
My husband.
Darling.
It's Emma.
Don't be silly.
Your wife.
-How's my little Johnsy Wonsy? -Johnsy Wonsy's fine! You sound like you've soaked up too much grape juice.
You haven't been out? You should drive out with the children.
Children? -You're in trouble? -That's right.
-Is somebody listening? -Yes.
I've had an absolutely torturous day.
-Mind telling me where you are? -That would be silly.
-Little Storping? -Yes.
Had some trouble with my car.
I had to drive over to -Salisbury.
-To Salisbury.
I'm calling from there.
-That's what they want me to think.
-That's right, darling.
Kiss little Albert for me.
And Julian and Gordon and baby Brian.
Can you give me a clue? anything! Don't forget, you promised to take them to the museum.
-After you've been to the pub.
-That's enough.
The pub and the museum? I should meet you in the pub at Little Storping? Goodbye, darling.
Excellent.
We're in the clear.
She was in Salisbury when she disappeared.
Take them to the museum after I've been to the pub.
We shall have to deal with you later.
After dark.
What else do you have in mind? I tell you what I've got in mind! Just a little helicopter ride over the sea.
And a long drop down.
I was admiring the Your old customs.
A pint of your best ale.
Right away.
-Nice little place.
-We like it.
-Just passing through, are you? -Just passing through.
I thought I'd have a look in your museum.
You do have a museum? We have one.
A nice one, in fact.
But it's shut at this time of night.
I've driven all this way.
I was thinking I could get hold of the curator.
-Persuade him to show me around.
-That's impossible.
He's away.
For several weeks.
The place'll be locked for some time.
Dear me.
What a pity.
Wanted to see your reaction.
I'll leave you to tidy up.
Are you all right? So far.
Be with you in a moment, gentlemen.
Now, where shall I start? Took your advice.
Went to the pub.
The landlord was inhospitable.
He came at me with a twelve bore.
-Hadn't even criticised the beer.
-Everyone is crooked.
The only people you can trust are these.
May surprise you, that I've had little experience with this type of garment.
I told them you were a wiz with locks.
Not a word.
Ready? All right? Hold it! You run the telephone exchange, right? This time, you're going to put through a genuine call.
Little Storping is finished and you've got a great deal to tell the authorities.
This'll be something to tell the children! Little Julian, Albert, Gordon and baby Brian.
Don't know why you put it on in the first place.
You were there.
You saw for yourself.
For protection.
On that occasion, it served its purpose.
True.
Not only are we going to be late but the ambassador is going to take it as an insult.
We know his reputation as a womaniser but to wear armour Very inconvenient.
I couldn't find a dress to match it.
Maybe, we could pass it off as one of the latest Paris fashions.
-Will you please -Hold on.
Ready? I'll do the very best I can.
What we really need is a safe cracker.
It's perfectly simple.
You just haven't adjusted it properly.
All you have to do is slip it in to place.
Pop! Like that.
And when you want to remove it, you My knight in shining armour! Have a sip.