The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s05e24 Episode Script
Love in an Elevator
Well, I got a pair of eights.
Ah.
Sorry about that, bro, I got a Dolly Parton.
- What's that? - A bigger pair.
Whaa! Will, I've got a surprise for your bachelor party.
I booked the penthouse suite at the LaPeer Hotel.
Really? Oh, man, I could just kiss you.
[LAUGHS.]
I could just kiss you too.
But perhaps my time would be better spent learning a talent.
Hey, he isn't making calls on your bachelor party, is he? I mean, that's my job.
I mean, you have told him that I'm the best man? Uh See, what had happened At first, but then he had called Will, go tell him.
[SIGHS.]
Tsk.
Next time I'm gonna let Jazz kiss you.
Hey, Jazz, listen, we need to talk, man.
Yes, we do.
The Strip 'N Trip wanna know if the hotel will furnish extension cords? And tell Naughty Nelvina and The Naked Drill Team to wear coats or they'll never get past hotel security.
Okay.
- What was it you wanted to talk about? - You're the best, man.
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME.]
Now, are you positive you can't see anything? Yes, I am positive.
Super.
Ow! How could I miss that big square head of yours? [LAUGHS.]
Look, come on, Will.
I've spent a lot of time decorating for your bachelor party.
I just want it to be a surprise.
Oh, no, not another Scooby-Doo piñata.
Pssh.
I wish.
No offense, Scrappy but it's hard to top the parties I've been to.
CROWD [IN SINGSONG VOICE.]
: Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Girl, I'm sure glad we got rid of that nut.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS.]
Ah.
You can't hang, can you, baby? [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
What do you two think you're doing? I was trying to get up to my room.
Hey, Tom, what was you doing? I was trying to be in the video.
- Man, this party is dull.
- No, man, this party is stupid.
No, no, no, this party is crazy, flat, dumb, dumb, doodie.
You're the man.
You're the man.
- You're the man.
- You're the man.
BOTH: Ahhh! You just wait.
I've set you up with one heck of a wingding, Will.
You won't regret making me the best man.
D'oh! Oh, yes.
Um That's one little thing I wanted to talk to you about, see.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
What? You know, being best man does have its perks.
That was it.
C.
Jazz is the best man? Then what the heck am I? Short.
Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on.
Now, you guys are both my best men.
Carlton, you're the best man for the wedding.
And Jazz is the best man for getting the talent for the bachelor party.
Tsk.
Ugh.
He got me Rolanda, the Rubber Lady.
Look, I'll have you know that Stan, the world's smartest duck was this close to getting on Leno.
[SNORTS.]
What the heck does [SNORTS.]
supposed to mean? Listen, this is no time to fight, all right? JAZZ: You're right, my brother.
Tonight, we salute the passing of one of the greats.
Ah.
Yeah, let's have a moment of silence for all the girls that have found me irresistible.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, Jean-Claude Van Damme, I'm fine.
You are my man.
Amen.
Do you like it? Wow.
I love it.
All right, now take it off.
You know, if somebody was to walk in here right now they might think you was hitting on me.
Trust me, if I was hitting on you, you'd know It.
Really? How? Okay, you made your point.
Hey, you're not the only one who had to fight off the women, bub.
This is Tina.
Tina, this is my brother, Carlton.
- Hi, Tina.
- Hi.
I love your towel.
Thanks.
Well, I gotta go prepare for the debate practice.
You're on the debate team? That is so cool.
Which one of these losers is my date? That would be me.
This is my cousin, Carlton.
Where's the rest of him? I may be short, but you know what they say about short men and tall women, don't you? No.
What? I don't know, just making conversation.
Hey, small stuff, you wanna come back here and check out the rest of my merchandise? How can anybody with a sorry list like that be the best man? That's it.
We're staying right here until you decide who is your best man.
Look, Carlton, would you stop playing? Now, move.
Minimart here is right, who's it gonna be? Me or him? You know what? In one minute, y'all two can Jell-O wrestle for the title, okay? Okay.
[ELECTRICITY SIZZLING.]
[ELEVATOR CREAKING.]
Man, didn't your mothers ever tell you, don't play with buttons? Hello.
They can't hear you, bro.
The music's too loud.
Can I throw a party or what? I don't believe this.
There's a python and some triplets in there and I'm stuck in here with Ren and Stumpy.
Come on, guy, cheer up.
They'll have us out of here in an hour, tops.
We're out of food.
We're out of water.
I mean, how long can we survive like this? We've only been in here for five minutes, Carlton.
Get a grip.
Get off of me.
Let's just relax.
I've been in plenty worse situations than this.
Trust me.
Earthquake! Baby, it was just a little earthquake.
Babe, listen.
Listen, no.
The ground moved, okay? The ground.
The ground moved.
Nobody was bothering it, it just moved, all right? But it's over now and we're fine.
I am not fine, all right? I'm a grown man sitting under the table, hugging a teddy bear.
I'm not fine.
- Uh-oh.
- What's the matter? My water broke.
That's cool, we got another one right here in the fridge.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
And Dougie is a barn dog.
Unbelievable.
Will Smith apologizing.
My sisters, welcome the newest member of Kappa Phi Gamma, Lisa Wilkes.
All right.
[ALL CHEER.]
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, whoa, whoa, hold up.
Y'all going to leave me hanging up here like a piece of Rotisserie Gold, huh? Take my baby girl to Palm Springs? Oh, you done it now, boy.
- I'm really mad now.
- No.
[SCREAMING.]
[SIGHS.]
Uh-oh.
The engine's dead.
What? Yeah.
Oh, so I guess we're going down, huh? Faster than a bucket of chicken at Oprah's.
Oh, so I should probably just confess all the nasty things I've done with your daughter, huh? Especially seeing as how, in any second now we're gonna be splattering all over those mountains there.
Let me tell you.
I'm from Philly.
You got to wake up early in the morning to get me with some old Mr.
Adams? Mr.
Adams? Mr.
Adams? [SCREAMS.]
And I came out of that without a scratch.
So just calm down, all right? Shh.
Listen.
I know that sound anywhere.
- What sound? - A Wonderbra hitting the floor.
Let me out! Let me out! This is all your fault, you finger-licking ragamuffin.
Who are you calling muffin, Little Debbie? All right, all right, stop it.
Stop it.
Come on, ain't no time to Tootsie Roll, fool.
Fight like a man.
All right, guys, guys.
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
[ELEVATOR CREAKS.]
Nobody move.
[BEGINNING TO SNEEZE.]
- Ahh - Choo! [SCREAMING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
We stopped.
[LAUGHS.]
We stopped! It's a miracle! Wow, gravity.
What a rush.
MAN: Hello, elevator repairman.
We don't have time to chat.
We're stuck in here.
Shut up, Jazz.
That's the elevator repairman.
Help! Just stay calm.
We'll get you out of there.
Can't guarantee it'll be in one piece.
Yeah, I'd rather be anybody but myself right now.
Well, it certainly wouldn't be the first time.
Okay, now, just remember you're from Connecticut and you transferred to Bel-Air Academy and you row on the crew team.
Now, where did you transfer from? - Bend over.
- It's Andover.
We're going back home.
Ah.
Mr.
Banks, did you forget something? You know, I'm glad you asked.
I forgot to give you the number to my direct line.
Look, I'm very flattered, but I You know, that is an absolutely intoxicating fragrance that you're wearing.
Come closer.
Hey.
That's a fake mustache.
No, it's not.
Ah! Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
Will.
No, it's not.
Is that fat guy following us? What fat guy? Come on.
Is there some reason why you're following us? - Will? - Well, it ain't Fat Albert.
We've been in here for hours, man.
I don't wanna die.
I wanna live.
Look, at least you got a chance to live life to it's fullest.
I only had one woman.
One.
I don't want this to end.
It doesn't have to.
Will you marry me? [LAUGHS.]
You are too adorable for words.
Can I give you a kiss goodbye? Yes.
Tomorrow morning.
Well, what time should I come back? My life has been so pathetic.
No, it hasn't.
Well, yeah, it has.
Who cares? It's over.
When the elevator was falling and I thought we were gonna die your life flashed before my eyes.
If I only had your magic with the women.
Come on, Carlton, all these years, man, haven't you caught on? I mean, half the battle is the lyrics you toss at the honeys.
Girl, you look good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all.
Girl, I got to tell you.
That suit look like a piece of good God, wrapped up with some have mercy with a side of oomph! I've seen your picture before.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
It was in the dictionary next to "ka-blam!" - Two cappuccinos, please.
- Mm.
Well, I'm hoping you like it dark, hot sweet and with a spoon in It.
Look, miss, I'd just like to apologize on behalf of my gender for his rude behavior.
That's okay.
No, it's not.
He had no reason to act like that.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Look, could I call you sometime? Yeah, call me.
Thank you.
Yo, baby, I know your feet must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! Oh, come, come my brother you don't always leave the party with a favor.
- I didn't come here from Philly to hear - Oh, it's gonna happen.
I am tired of you.
Get out of my face! - Excuse me.
Excuse me.
- You need to shut up! You know what? - You ain't never gonna change.
- You ain't never gonna change.
- Give me the last word.
- Give me the last word.
- You're not.
- You're not.
- Yes, I am.
- Yes, I am.
- Damn.
- Damn.
Yeah, sure, bring up the one time that a woman walks away from me.
- One time? - One time? Hold, hold, hold it, baby.
See, now, I noticed you noticing me.
So I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you too.
And? And to let you know that I might consider letting you be with me.
Is that what passes for a compliment around here? - Listen.
- You listen.
If you want a shot with me maybe you should try talking to me like a human being, okay? Got it? Actually, baby, you got it, but I take donations.
She tied a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you.
Well, you so ugly, your mama had to feed you with a slingshot.
You're so ugly, that ain't a fade on your head that's your hair running away from your face.
Now, you know that Hank Farley is not your type.
Strip away the shoulder pads and the muscles and the dimples and what you got? - You.
Does this look like a place to have fun? I don't think so.
Ain't nobody going to have no fun up in here.
Not me, not you, not her.
And definitely not me.
Goodbye, Will.
Whoa, baby, come back here.
What is her name? [ELEVATOR CREAKING.]
Oh, no, no, no.
[SCREAMING.]
Carlton.
Carlton, man, I'm sorry about all those short jokes.
You know, it really took a big man to handle it and, well, you tried your best, okay? I love you, man.
I love you too, Will.
You too, man.
Somebody give me some love.
Please.
[THUD.]
WILL: We're going up.
CARLTON: We're gonna live.
I'm gonna have one more chance to do the wild thing.
Get off me.
Whew.
The guest of honor is in the house.
Party over here.
[LAUGHS.]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Oh, oh, oh.
[CHATTERING.]
GEOFFREY: Hey, good evening, Master William.
Absolutely bumping party.
Oh, yeah, thanks a lot, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey? But you told me your name was Will.
No, I said I was willing.
[LAUGHS.]
PHIL: Hold the elevator.
- Uh-oh.
PHIL: Going down.
WILL: No, no.
Help! Oh, my poor baby.
Your whole life must have flashed before your eyes.
- Kiss me.
- I'd love to.
Hello.
[GIGGLES.]
Not really.
- All I could think about was you.
- Aww.
Mm.
Ah.
Sorry about that, bro, I got a Dolly Parton.
- What's that? - A bigger pair.
Whaa! Will, I've got a surprise for your bachelor party.
I booked the penthouse suite at the LaPeer Hotel.
Really? Oh, man, I could just kiss you.
[LAUGHS.]
I could just kiss you too.
But perhaps my time would be better spent learning a talent.
Hey, he isn't making calls on your bachelor party, is he? I mean, that's my job.
I mean, you have told him that I'm the best man? Uh See, what had happened At first, but then he had called Will, go tell him.
[SIGHS.]
Tsk.
Next time I'm gonna let Jazz kiss you.
Hey, Jazz, listen, we need to talk, man.
Yes, we do.
The Strip 'N Trip wanna know if the hotel will furnish extension cords? And tell Naughty Nelvina and The Naked Drill Team to wear coats or they'll never get past hotel security.
Okay.
- What was it you wanted to talk about? - You're the best, man.
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME.]
Now, are you positive you can't see anything? Yes, I am positive.
Super.
Ow! How could I miss that big square head of yours? [LAUGHS.]
Look, come on, Will.
I've spent a lot of time decorating for your bachelor party.
I just want it to be a surprise.
Oh, no, not another Scooby-Doo piñata.
Pssh.
I wish.
No offense, Scrappy but it's hard to top the parties I've been to.
CROWD [IN SINGSONG VOICE.]
: Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
Go, Will.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Girl, I'm sure glad we got rid of that nut.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS.]
Ah.
You can't hang, can you, baby? [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
What do you two think you're doing? I was trying to get up to my room.
Hey, Tom, what was you doing? I was trying to be in the video.
- Man, this party is dull.
- No, man, this party is stupid.
No, no, no, this party is crazy, flat, dumb, dumb, doodie.
You're the man.
You're the man.
- You're the man.
- You're the man.
BOTH: Ahhh! You just wait.
I've set you up with one heck of a wingding, Will.
You won't regret making me the best man.
D'oh! Oh, yes.
Um That's one little thing I wanted to talk to you about, see.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
What? You know, being best man does have its perks.
That was it.
C.
Jazz is the best man? Then what the heck am I? Short.
Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on.
Now, you guys are both my best men.
Carlton, you're the best man for the wedding.
And Jazz is the best man for getting the talent for the bachelor party.
Tsk.
Ugh.
He got me Rolanda, the Rubber Lady.
Look, I'll have you know that Stan, the world's smartest duck was this close to getting on Leno.
[SNORTS.]
What the heck does [SNORTS.]
supposed to mean? Listen, this is no time to fight, all right? JAZZ: You're right, my brother.
Tonight, we salute the passing of one of the greats.
Ah.
Yeah, let's have a moment of silence for all the girls that have found me irresistible.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, Jean-Claude Van Damme, I'm fine.
You are my man.
Amen.
Do you like it? Wow.
I love it.
All right, now take it off.
You know, if somebody was to walk in here right now they might think you was hitting on me.
Trust me, if I was hitting on you, you'd know It.
Really? How? Okay, you made your point.
Hey, you're not the only one who had to fight off the women, bub.
This is Tina.
Tina, this is my brother, Carlton.
- Hi, Tina.
- Hi.
I love your towel.
Thanks.
Well, I gotta go prepare for the debate practice.
You're on the debate team? That is so cool.
Which one of these losers is my date? That would be me.
This is my cousin, Carlton.
Where's the rest of him? I may be short, but you know what they say about short men and tall women, don't you? No.
What? I don't know, just making conversation.
Hey, small stuff, you wanna come back here and check out the rest of my merchandise? How can anybody with a sorry list like that be the best man? That's it.
We're staying right here until you decide who is your best man.
Look, Carlton, would you stop playing? Now, move.
Minimart here is right, who's it gonna be? Me or him? You know what? In one minute, y'all two can Jell-O wrestle for the title, okay? Okay.
[ELECTRICITY SIZZLING.]
[ELEVATOR CREAKING.]
Man, didn't your mothers ever tell you, don't play with buttons? Hello.
They can't hear you, bro.
The music's too loud.
Can I throw a party or what? I don't believe this.
There's a python and some triplets in there and I'm stuck in here with Ren and Stumpy.
Come on, guy, cheer up.
They'll have us out of here in an hour, tops.
We're out of food.
We're out of water.
I mean, how long can we survive like this? We've only been in here for five minutes, Carlton.
Get a grip.
Get off of me.
Let's just relax.
I've been in plenty worse situations than this.
Trust me.
Earthquake! Baby, it was just a little earthquake.
Babe, listen.
Listen, no.
The ground moved, okay? The ground.
The ground moved.
Nobody was bothering it, it just moved, all right? But it's over now and we're fine.
I am not fine, all right? I'm a grown man sitting under the table, hugging a teddy bear.
I'm not fine.
- Uh-oh.
- What's the matter? My water broke.
That's cool, we got another one right here in the fridge.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
And Dougie is a barn dog.
Unbelievable.
Will Smith apologizing.
My sisters, welcome the newest member of Kappa Phi Gamma, Lisa Wilkes.
All right.
[ALL CHEER.]
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, whoa, whoa, hold up.
Y'all going to leave me hanging up here like a piece of Rotisserie Gold, huh? Take my baby girl to Palm Springs? Oh, you done it now, boy.
- I'm really mad now.
- No.
[SCREAMING.]
[SIGHS.]
Uh-oh.
The engine's dead.
What? Yeah.
Oh, so I guess we're going down, huh? Faster than a bucket of chicken at Oprah's.
Oh, so I should probably just confess all the nasty things I've done with your daughter, huh? Especially seeing as how, in any second now we're gonna be splattering all over those mountains there.
Let me tell you.
I'm from Philly.
You got to wake up early in the morning to get me with some old Mr.
Adams? Mr.
Adams? Mr.
Adams? [SCREAMS.]
And I came out of that without a scratch.
So just calm down, all right? Shh.
Listen.
I know that sound anywhere.
- What sound? - A Wonderbra hitting the floor.
Let me out! Let me out! This is all your fault, you finger-licking ragamuffin.
Who are you calling muffin, Little Debbie? All right, all right, stop it.
Stop it.
Come on, ain't no time to Tootsie Roll, fool.
Fight like a man.
All right, guys, guys.
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
[ELEVATOR CREAKS.]
Nobody move.
[BEGINNING TO SNEEZE.]
- Ahh - Choo! [SCREAMING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
We stopped.
[LAUGHS.]
We stopped! It's a miracle! Wow, gravity.
What a rush.
MAN: Hello, elevator repairman.
We don't have time to chat.
We're stuck in here.
Shut up, Jazz.
That's the elevator repairman.
Help! Just stay calm.
We'll get you out of there.
Can't guarantee it'll be in one piece.
Yeah, I'd rather be anybody but myself right now.
Well, it certainly wouldn't be the first time.
Okay, now, just remember you're from Connecticut and you transferred to Bel-Air Academy and you row on the crew team.
Now, where did you transfer from? - Bend over.
- It's Andover.
We're going back home.
Ah.
Mr.
Banks, did you forget something? You know, I'm glad you asked.
I forgot to give you the number to my direct line.
Look, I'm very flattered, but I You know, that is an absolutely intoxicating fragrance that you're wearing.
Come closer.
Hey.
That's a fake mustache.
No, it's not.
Ah! Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
Will.
No, it's not.
Is that fat guy following us? What fat guy? Come on.
Is there some reason why you're following us? - Will? - Well, it ain't Fat Albert.
We've been in here for hours, man.
I don't wanna die.
I wanna live.
Look, at least you got a chance to live life to it's fullest.
I only had one woman.
One.
I don't want this to end.
It doesn't have to.
Will you marry me? [LAUGHS.]
You are too adorable for words.
Can I give you a kiss goodbye? Yes.
Tomorrow morning.
Well, what time should I come back? My life has been so pathetic.
No, it hasn't.
Well, yeah, it has.
Who cares? It's over.
When the elevator was falling and I thought we were gonna die your life flashed before my eyes.
If I only had your magic with the women.
Come on, Carlton, all these years, man, haven't you caught on? I mean, half the battle is the lyrics you toss at the honeys.
Girl, you look good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all.
Girl, I got to tell you.
That suit look like a piece of good God, wrapped up with some have mercy with a side of oomph! I've seen your picture before.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
It was in the dictionary next to "ka-blam!" - Two cappuccinos, please.
- Mm.
Well, I'm hoping you like it dark, hot sweet and with a spoon in It.
Look, miss, I'd just like to apologize on behalf of my gender for his rude behavior.
That's okay.
No, it's not.
He had no reason to act like that.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Look, could I call you sometime? Yeah, call me.
Thank you.
Yo, baby, I know your feet must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! Oh, come, come my brother you don't always leave the party with a favor.
- I didn't come here from Philly to hear - Oh, it's gonna happen.
I am tired of you.
Get out of my face! - Excuse me.
Excuse me.
- You need to shut up! You know what? - You ain't never gonna change.
- You ain't never gonna change.
- Give me the last word.
- Give me the last word.
- You're not.
- You're not.
- Yes, I am.
- Yes, I am.
- Damn.
- Damn.
Yeah, sure, bring up the one time that a woman walks away from me.
- One time? - One time? Hold, hold, hold it, baby.
See, now, I noticed you noticing me.
So I just want to put you on notice that I noticed you too.
And? And to let you know that I might consider letting you be with me.
Is that what passes for a compliment around here? - Listen.
- You listen.
If you want a shot with me maybe you should try talking to me like a human being, okay? Got it? Actually, baby, you got it, but I take donations.
She tied a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you.
Well, you so ugly, your mama had to feed you with a slingshot.
You're so ugly, that ain't a fade on your head that's your hair running away from your face.
Now, you know that Hank Farley is not your type.
Strip away the shoulder pads and the muscles and the dimples and what you got? - You.
Does this look like a place to have fun? I don't think so.
Ain't nobody going to have no fun up in here.
Not me, not you, not her.
And definitely not me.
Goodbye, Will.
Whoa, baby, come back here.
What is her name? [ELEVATOR CREAKING.]
Oh, no, no, no.
[SCREAMING.]
Carlton.
Carlton, man, I'm sorry about all those short jokes.
You know, it really took a big man to handle it and, well, you tried your best, okay? I love you, man.
I love you too, Will.
You too, man.
Somebody give me some love.
Please.
[THUD.]
WILL: We're going up.
CARLTON: We're gonna live.
I'm gonna have one more chance to do the wild thing.
Get off me.
Whew.
The guest of honor is in the house.
Party over here.
[LAUGHS.]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Oh, oh, oh.
[CHATTERING.]
GEOFFREY: Hey, good evening, Master William.
Absolutely bumping party.
Oh, yeah, thanks a lot, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey? But you told me your name was Will.
No, I said I was willing.
[LAUGHS.]
PHIL: Hold the elevator.
- Uh-oh.
PHIL: Going down.
WILL: No, no.
Help! Oh, my poor baby.
Your whole life must have flashed before your eyes.
- Kiss me.
- I'd love to.
Hello.
[GIGGLES.]
Not really.
- All I could think about was you.
- Aww.
Mm.