Full House s05e25 Episode Script
Captain Video (1)
[JESSE FREDERICK'S "EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING.]
* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Ahhh * * Whatever happened To predictability * * The milkman The paperboy * * Evenin' TV? * * How did I get Delivered here? * * Somebody tell me, please * * This whole world's Confusin' me * * Flowers as mean * * As you've ever seen * * Ain't a bird Who knows your tune * * Then a little voice Inside you whispers: * * "Kid, don't sell your dreams So soon" * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * There's a heart * * There's a heart * * A hand to hold on to * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * There's a face * * Of somebody who needs you * * Everywhere you look * * When you're lost out there And you're all alone * * A light is waitin' To carry you home * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa * ALL: * I pledge my love and loyalty * * To all the hive And every bee * * Our motto is and ever was * * Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz Buzz, buzz, buzz * Please bee seated.
Girls, as you know, in my youth, I was a Honeybee.
Now, I'm not the kind of person who likes to brag, but, huh, my hive voted me Queen Bee and retired my antennas.
Sounds like bragging to me.
Okay, all you Honeybees, it is time right now to welcome into the hive a new honey of a bee, let's hear it for Michelle Tanner.
[ALL BUZZING.]
"Plea-zzz" save all your buzzing until the end.
Okay, it is time right now for me to present to you, Michelle, the official Honeybee sash.
You know, honey, I-I can't believe you're my last little baby bee.
You know, I've put three bees through the hive.
I don't mean to drone on, but who better to drone with than a bunch of bees, huh? [LAUGHS.]
Daddy, my sash.
Oh.
Right.
Sorry.
Excuse your antennae.
There you go.
How come I don't have any badges? Because you have to earn them by doing projects.
You know, I had so many badges, I had to wear two sashes.
In fact, I earned a badge for earning the most badges.
Somebody's bragging again.
* Oh, Lumberjack Jess And Ranger Joe * * Friends forever Wherever they go * * Through thick and thin They'll never part * * One has hair The other has heart * What do you think? You're fired.
What? Fire-- Oh-- Oh, yeah, I get it, you want your name first.
You're such a baby.
* Ranger Joe-- * Uh, Jess, Jess.
Forget about the music.
You're still fired.
What? There's been some big budget cuts down at the station, and they decided you're out.
I almost said to 'em, "Hey, if he goes, I go.
" But I really like it there.
You're really firing me? I'm fired? Why are-- Fire him! Get rid of the woodchuck.
Look, I'll do the dumb jokes, I'll wear the stupid outfit.
I'll do anything but sit on your hand.
Jess, look, I don't know how to break it to you, but, uh, we don't pay him a salary.
He's a puppet.
What am I doing? I'm begging to be on a kiddie show.
I'm jealous of a bucktoothed beaver.
[SIGHS.]
Nah, this wasn't my dream, to be on a kiddie show.
I-- You know what, this is a sign.
I'm gonna put all my energy right back into my music.
You know what? I just heard of this new label, Fat Fish Music.
I'm gonna put a great demo together and get it to them right away.
You know what, thanks.
You actually did me a favor.
Yeah, my pleasure.
If I'd known you'd be so happy, I would've fired you weeks ago.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
Boy, Deej, you sure are going to a lot of mucho trouble.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I have to get my dad in the mood.
I can't just say, "Dad, I'm going to Spain.
" He worries when I say, "Dad, I'm going to the mailbox.
" My parents were really excited when I told them about Spain.
They already bought me a one-way ticket.
Okay, everybody, you can come down now.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
She said, "Hello, my family.
" Whoa-ho.
Qué pasa? He said, "Whoa-ho.
What's happening?" [SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
She either said "Dinner's ready," or "It's time to clip your nose hairs.
" Okay, Deej.
What do you want, how much is it gonna cost me, and why is the dog wearing a hat? Well, there's this summer study program in Barcelona.
No.
I'll get to live with a Spanish family.
No.
I'll study the language and expand my horizons.
No.
Doesn't that sound exciting? No.
So you're not saying that I'm not allowed not to go, right? What'd you just say? I don't know.
I just wanted to get you off that "no" thing.
Ah, Danny, come on.
At least think about it.
I mean, this is D.
J.
's chance to learn about a new culture.
Yeah, come on, Danny.
Remember that one summer when we took that trip together? Joey, we rode our bikes to Oakland.
Dad, when D.
J.
's in Spain, can I have her room? Oh that's very caring.
Deej, this is a big decision.
I need some time to think about it.
Dad, please.
This is a once- in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Don't worry, Mr.
T.
, I'll be with her every minute, as we sample the art, the music, the tango.
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING.]
Come on, Mr.
T.
, we want to see the world.
All right, Kimmy.
Let's start with the back door.
Adios.
Olé.
Look, why don't we just sit down for dinner.
I'm serving paella.
Muy bueno.
BECKY: Ooh.
Muy bueno.
Who's ready for dessert? Michelle's trying to earn her first Honeybee badge for cooking.
You gotta taste it.
Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have dessert as an appetizer.
I call it Michelle's pudding surprise.
Ooh, sounds delicious.
What's the surprise? I think it's cheese.
Surprise! Michelle, you put cheese in the pudding? Velveeta.
And that's not all.
Mm.
Olives.
Don't you like it? No, it's-- It's very different, honey.
Boy, it's good.
Mm-mm.
Mm-hm.
Then how come nobody's swallowing? Hey, everybody.
DANNY AND JOEY: Hey.
Hi, honey.
Oh.
Fiesta.
Cool.
How'd it go at the record company? So far, so good.
At least they heard of me.
They're gonna listen to my tape and get back to me.
Let me tell you guys something.
I have a feeling something good's gonna happen.
Eww.
But that's not it.
That was awful.
Michelle cooked it.
I was trying to get my Honeybee badge.
Oh, I didn't say awful.
No, no, no.
I said awfully good.
Boy, that's awf-- You know what-- In fact, I'm gonna have some more.
Here we go.
See that.
Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
Velveeta? And, uh olives, is it? You could stop eating.
I know you don't like it.
You know, Michelle, you know what.
We'll give it to, uh We'll give it to Comet.
Hey.
Comet will like it.
He likes anything.
Here you go, Comet.
Shop this shows fashion, download the "LookLive" app in iTunes I guess it needed more olives.
Are you laughing? Are you laughing? [BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
[LAUGHS.]
Look at that.
What's that? Can you--? Feel that.
See that bunny's tail? See that? What's up? Oh, can you feel that? It's soft, huh? It's soft like your big jelly belly.
Give me that thing.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
[BECKY LAUGHING.]
Ah, ah.
The hair, the hair.
Let go of the hair.
I know you're jealous.
Hey.
Give me that.
Gimme, gimme, gimme that.
Becky, what color is that hair? It's, uh [COUGHS.]
gray.
What? Well, it's, uh, a light shade of black, resembling the color gray.
I have gray hair? Well, just a couple of them.
What? A cou-- Coup-- Here.
Here.
Here you go.
Stay right there.
How can I have gray hair? I'm only twenty-nine.
I can't have gray ha-- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Yank 'em.
Yank 'em.
Yank 'em.
Well, okay.
They say for every gray hair you pluck, two grow in its place.
Drop that hair.
Jess, would you relax? So you have a couple of gray hairs.
At least you still have your hair.
Yeah, but for how long? I feel it receding.
I'm-- You know what? I'm feeling it in my sleep.
I know how to check for this.
I know how to check.
Oh, my God.
It's moved 4 millimeters north.
[SIGHS.]
Beck, I'm gonna have one of those foreheads that start at my eyebrows and go all the way to the back of my neck.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Ah, see.
Word's out.
It's probably the Hair Club for Men.
Talk to me.
Oh.
Sure I'll hold.
It's David Janolari from Fat Fish Music.
Yes, Mr.
Janolari.
Hello.
Oh-- Uh-huh.
Oh.
Well thanks for crushing my dreams so fast.
All right.
That's okay.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
He said they like my music [SIGHS.]
they like the sound, they like the look.
They just don't hear a hit single.
Jess, look, I know it's disappointing.
But you can't let it get you down.
You know what, I have an idea.
How about tomorrow you and me and the boys spend the day together? Come down to the studio, okay? The Beach Boys are gonna be on the show.
Come on, they're your friends.
Like, I wanna be around them.
They had hit records when they were 18.
I'm almost thirty, I got nothing.
Jess, life is not a contest.
Honey, things happen when they're supposed to.
No.
Time's running out.
So is my hair.
This is so frustrating.
I mean what happens if I never make it in the music business? [***.]
Dad, come on.
The suspense is killing me.
Can I go to Spain with Kimmy or not? I know when you're trying to make a decision that could change the entire course of my life, the last thing you want to be is pushed.
Soyou won't catch me pushing you.
No sirree.
No pushing here.
Deej.
I know.
I'm pushing.
I'm backing off.
Sweetheart, I told you.
I've just-- I gotta think about this a little more, okay? Oh.
Deej.
Have you seen your Uncle Jesse? He's upstairs.
Oh, great.
Jess! Come on down! JESSE: I'm kind of busy.
Jess, this is really important.
Come on down now.
Deej.
Uncle Jesse is gonna flip.
Mike and Bruce from the Beach Boys are here.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
I promised them some good old-fashioned home cooking.
Quick, call Chicken on Wheels.
Come on in, you guys.
Oh, hi.
Hey, when do we eat? Thirty minutes or less.
Ha! She's a kidder.
[LAUGHING.]
Jess! What, Becky? What's so important? Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! The Beach Boys.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Miss Clairol.
Hey, Doctor Love, how you doing? How ya doing? Bruce.
How ya doing? It's the Beach Boys.
And I-- And I got my-- Thanks for the warning.
Well, how did I know you'd be dying your hair? Why are you dying your hair? Because I'm worth it.
Well, honey, Mike and Bruce came over because they heard you had a new studio, and they'd like to jam.
Cool.
And eat Becky's home cooking.
[CHUCKLES.]
Becky can cook? I mean, huh-- Boy.
Hey, when she cooks, look out.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
That's cool.
You want to play? That's great.
I'll call the guys.
They'll be over in 10 minutes.
It'll be good too, 'cause it'll give me time to comb out and rinse.
Otherwise, I'll streak.
* If every word I said, Could make you laugh * * I'd talk forever * * Ooh * * Mmm-mm-hm * * I asked the sky Just what we had * * Ooh, it shone forever * * Oh-ho * [IN UNISON.]
: * Forever Forever * * I've been so happy Loving you * Ha-ha! Woo! [IN SURFER VOICE.]
You guys, that was totally excellent.
[IN SURFER VOICE.]
Totally.
Let's eat.
[LAUGHS.]
That is such a cool song.
I sang that song to Becky at our wedding.
I'll tell you, you know, if I had a song like "Forever", I'll bet you Fat Fish Records would sign us [SNAPS.]
like that.
You want it.
You got it.
Leon, please pass the coleslaw.
You mean it? Uh-- We can record "Forever"? Sure.
As long as Becky keeps cooking up food like this.
Oh.
Well, I'll give you the phone number.
I mean, recipe.
MIKE: Oh.
Well, I mean, this is cool.
That-- That would be great if we did that.
Yeah.
I mean Normally we record stuff that we write.
But, quite frankly, who's buying it? I mean, you know what, Elvis never recorded anything he wrote.
I wonder what it would've been like if Elvis had-a done a Beach Boys song.
[IMPERSONATING ELVIS.]
* If everybody had an ocean, Across the U.
S.
A.
* That's scary.
[LAUGHING.]
How about it like this though.
* If everybody Had an ocean * [GUITARS AND DRUMS PLAYING.]
* Ooh * * Across the U.
S.
A.
* * Ooh * * Then everybody'd be surfing * * Ooh * * Like Californ-i-a * * Ooh * * You see 'em wearing Their baggies * * Huarachi sandals too * * Ooh * MAN: Hang ten! * A bushy Bushy blond hairdo * * Ooh * * Surfin' U.
S.
A.
* * Ooh * Hey, munchkin.
Give me a good-luck kiss.
I've got this great version of "Forever" that I cut with the Beach Boys.
I'm taking it down to Fat Fish Records.
I'm telling you something, they gonna love this baby.
Will you taste my new recipe? Oh.
That sounds tempting.
All right, you know what, I'll take just a really tiny, little sample.
Just give me a little tiny sample, okay? Here we go.
Mm.
Hm-hm.
Interesting.
What is it? Tuna cream.
So, that would be tuna and? Oreo ice cream.
Ah-ah-ah.
Ah.
I'll never get my cooking badge.
Oh.
Now, come on.
I don't want to hear that kind of talk.
I mean, well, tuna cream may not be one of the 31 flavors but you gotta have perseverance.
Perse-- What? Perseverance.
It means, you know, you never give up.
You keep on trying.
I mean, look at your Uncle J.
Now, I've been plugging away at this music business for ten years.
I've been writing songs, taking goofy gigs.
You know why? Because I will do anything to keep my dream alive.
* We're caught in a-- * * I can't walk out * * Because I love you Too much baby * * I said buy me those Kitty Krispies, man * * And I'll be Your best friend * * Meow-wow, meow-wow Meow-wow, meow-wow * * Oh, hey there, Mr.
Egghead You scientific dude * * Whenever you're around * * I'm in a scientific mood * * You can tell us How the bird flies * * Or how the fungus grows * * The creation Of the universe * * Or how we blow our nose * [IMPERSONATING ELVIS.]
* The farmer in the dell The farmer in the dell * * Viva Las Dairy-o The farmer in the dell * * The cheese stands alone The cheese stands alone * * Hunka hunka stinky cheese The cheese stands alone * * When you're laughing * * Scooby-dooby-doo * * Oh, when you're chuckling * * Scooby-doo-doo * * Ah, the sun it is a come A-shinin' through * One, two, three! Ah! [LAUGHING.]
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
* Glow, little glowworm Glimmer, glimmer * * Glow, little glowworm Glimmer, glimmer * * I've got a gal That I love so * * Glow, little glowworm * * Glow * See what I mean, Michelle? You were desperate.
I'm hip.
I never gave up.
You know why? Because I got what? Perseverance.
Right on, munchkin.
Ha-ha.
All right, let me give you a little tip now.
All right, you like pudding, you like cheese, so you put 'em together.
You like ice cream, you like tuna, again, you put 'em together.
Stop putting things together.
You gotta lose the combo deal.
Just try one thing.
Try something simple.
Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
I love you.
I know.
I love you too.
I know.
[LAUGHS.]
What was I thinking? It needs olives.
Dad, would you please tell me if I can go to Spain.
Okay, look.
I've been thinking about Spain.
You gotta understand, this is a big decision.
It's a decision that I've been wrestling with all day.
And if you know anything about wrestling, which I do, because I was dorm champ in the 145-pound class You know, I was really wiry back then too.
They used to call me the human pipe cleaner.
Forget it, Deej.
You're not going.
Not necessarily.
Sometimes when he rambles it's good news.
How would you know? He never gets to the news.
Kimmy, don't be rude.
He might change his mind.
We don't know what he's gonna say.
Maybe we want him to change his mind.
Maybe he hasn't made up his mind.
Maybe you want me to lose my mind.
Dad, I can't take it anymore.
Just tell me either way.
Okay.
You promise you'll write me every day? Of course.
I'll bring stationary, a penc-- I'm going?! You're letting me go? Thank you! [CHUCKLES.]
Good decision, Mr.
T.
She already told the school yes.
Well, I said, "Yes, unless my Dad says no".
Okay, follow me.
OJs on a stick.
Get 'em while they're cold.
Ooh, thank you, sweetie.
All right.
Oh, look at that.
Okay, boys.
Are you ready to taste your first popsicle? [GASPS.]
Ooh.
That's good, huh? Happy tongue.
[FRENCH ACCENT.]
Fruity, sophisticated, yet mischievous.
Heh-heh.
And best of all, it comes on a stick.
You mean it? You really like 'em? [IN UNISON.]
Yeah.
[ALL TALKING.]
Well, guess what? The incredibly talented chef who made OJs on a stick, is our very own Michelle Elizabeth Tanner! I did it! I can cook! Congratulations, honey.
You're gonna get your first Honeybee badge.
Thank you.
I may open a restaurant.
Hey, everybody.
This is, uh, David Janolari from Fat Fish Music.
How ya doing? Hi.
Hey, a real family.
Cool.
[LAUGHS.]
This guy has the best ear in the music business.
That's strange.
Yesterday you said he wouldn't know good music if it bit him on the-- Whoa.
Heh-heh.
[LAUGHS.]
Kids.
Don't you love 'em? Huh.
Listen, you aren't gonna believe this.
That's why I brought David.
If he says it, you have to believe it.
Tell 'em.
Well, I heard the kid's tape of "Forever" and it blew me away.
I'm not even here.
I had no choice.
I had to sign him.
BECKY: Honey, you signed.
Congratulations! Congratulations.
I'm finally gonna have a record out.
Ten years of struggling has finally paid off.
'Cause you got perseverance.
Cool kid.
Hey Jess, cat.
Let's rap.
When you think of major superstars like Michael Jackson or Hammer, what do you see? Funny pants? No, no, no, no.
You see dancing.
I do? Of course you do.
That is why we are gonna take that sweet little song of yours, re-record it, turn up the energy, pump up the beat, and make the hottest dance video ever to hit MTV.
Uh, Dave-- Cat.
Heh.
Uh, there's just one small problem.
Um I don't dance.
Ah, come on, a guy with your looks and talent? Can't dance? I don't believe it.
Believe it.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
Our dog Comet's better.
Anyway, don't worry about it.
'Cause when we get through with you, everyone in this country will be dancing [SNAPS.]
"the Jessman.
" Jessman? [***.]
* Aah-ahh-ahh-ahhh * [***.]
* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa * Shop this shows fashion, download the "LookLive" app in iTunes
* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Ahhh * * Whatever happened To predictability * * The milkman The paperboy * * Evenin' TV? * * How did I get Delivered here? * * Somebody tell me, please * * This whole world's Confusin' me * * Flowers as mean * * As you've ever seen * * Ain't a bird Who knows your tune * * Then a little voice Inside you whispers: * * "Kid, don't sell your dreams So soon" * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * There's a heart * * There's a heart * * A hand to hold on to * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * There's a face * * Of somebody who needs you * * Everywhere you look * * When you're lost out there And you're all alone * * A light is waitin' To carry you home * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa * ALL: * I pledge my love and loyalty * * To all the hive And every bee * * Our motto is and ever was * * Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz Buzz, buzz, buzz * Please bee seated.
Girls, as you know, in my youth, I was a Honeybee.
Now, I'm not the kind of person who likes to brag, but, huh, my hive voted me Queen Bee and retired my antennas.
Sounds like bragging to me.
Okay, all you Honeybees, it is time right now to welcome into the hive a new honey of a bee, let's hear it for Michelle Tanner.
[ALL BUZZING.]
"Plea-zzz" save all your buzzing until the end.
Okay, it is time right now for me to present to you, Michelle, the official Honeybee sash.
You know, honey, I-I can't believe you're my last little baby bee.
You know, I've put three bees through the hive.
I don't mean to drone on, but who better to drone with than a bunch of bees, huh? [LAUGHS.]
Daddy, my sash.
Oh.
Right.
Sorry.
Excuse your antennae.
There you go.
How come I don't have any badges? Because you have to earn them by doing projects.
You know, I had so many badges, I had to wear two sashes.
In fact, I earned a badge for earning the most badges.
Somebody's bragging again.
* Oh, Lumberjack Jess And Ranger Joe * * Friends forever Wherever they go * * Through thick and thin They'll never part * * One has hair The other has heart * What do you think? You're fired.
What? Fire-- Oh-- Oh, yeah, I get it, you want your name first.
You're such a baby.
* Ranger Joe-- * Uh, Jess, Jess.
Forget about the music.
You're still fired.
What? There's been some big budget cuts down at the station, and they decided you're out.
I almost said to 'em, "Hey, if he goes, I go.
" But I really like it there.
You're really firing me? I'm fired? Why are-- Fire him! Get rid of the woodchuck.
Look, I'll do the dumb jokes, I'll wear the stupid outfit.
I'll do anything but sit on your hand.
Jess, look, I don't know how to break it to you, but, uh, we don't pay him a salary.
He's a puppet.
What am I doing? I'm begging to be on a kiddie show.
I'm jealous of a bucktoothed beaver.
[SIGHS.]
Nah, this wasn't my dream, to be on a kiddie show.
I-- You know what, this is a sign.
I'm gonna put all my energy right back into my music.
You know what? I just heard of this new label, Fat Fish Music.
I'm gonna put a great demo together and get it to them right away.
You know what, thanks.
You actually did me a favor.
Yeah, my pleasure.
If I'd known you'd be so happy, I would've fired you weeks ago.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
Boy, Deej, you sure are going to a lot of mucho trouble.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I have to get my dad in the mood.
I can't just say, "Dad, I'm going to Spain.
" He worries when I say, "Dad, I'm going to the mailbox.
" My parents were really excited when I told them about Spain.
They already bought me a one-way ticket.
Okay, everybody, you can come down now.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
She said, "Hello, my family.
" Whoa-ho.
Qué pasa? He said, "Whoa-ho.
What's happening?" [SPEAKING IN SPANISH.]
She either said "Dinner's ready," or "It's time to clip your nose hairs.
" Okay, Deej.
What do you want, how much is it gonna cost me, and why is the dog wearing a hat? Well, there's this summer study program in Barcelona.
No.
I'll get to live with a Spanish family.
No.
I'll study the language and expand my horizons.
No.
Doesn't that sound exciting? No.
So you're not saying that I'm not allowed not to go, right? What'd you just say? I don't know.
I just wanted to get you off that "no" thing.
Ah, Danny, come on.
At least think about it.
I mean, this is D.
J.
's chance to learn about a new culture.
Yeah, come on, Danny.
Remember that one summer when we took that trip together? Joey, we rode our bikes to Oakland.
Dad, when D.
J.
's in Spain, can I have her room? Oh that's very caring.
Deej, this is a big decision.
I need some time to think about it.
Dad, please.
This is a once- in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Don't worry, Mr.
T.
, I'll be with her every minute, as we sample the art, the music, the tango.
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING.]
Come on, Mr.
T.
, we want to see the world.
All right, Kimmy.
Let's start with the back door.
Adios.
Olé.
Look, why don't we just sit down for dinner.
I'm serving paella.
Muy bueno.
BECKY: Ooh.
Muy bueno.
Who's ready for dessert? Michelle's trying to earn her first Honeybee badge for cooking.
You gotta taste it.
Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have dessert as an appetizer.
I call it Michelle's pudding surprise.
Ooh, sounds delicious.
What's the surprise? I think it's cheese.
Surprise! Michelle, you put cheese in the pudding? Velveeta.
And that's not all.
Mm.
Olives.
Don't you like it? No, it's-- It's very different, honey.
Boy, it's good.
Mm-mm.
Mm-hm.
Then how come nobody's swallowing? Hey, everybody.
DANNY AND JOEY: Hey.
Hi, honey.
Oh.
Fiesta.
Cool.
How'd it go at the record company? So far, so good.
At least they heard of me.
They're gonna listen to my tape and get back to me.
Let me tell you guys something.
I have a feeling something good's gonna happen.
Eww.
But that's not it.
That was awful.
Michelle cooked it.
I was trying to get my Honeybee badge.
Oh, I didn't say awful.
No, no, no.
I said awfully good.
Boy, that's awf-- You know what-- In fact, I'm gonna have some more.
Here we go.
See that.
Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
Velveeta? And, uh olives, is it? You could stop eating.
I know you don't like it.
You know, Michelle, you know what.
We'll give it to, uh We'll give it to Comet.
Hey.
Comet will like it.
He likes anything.
Here you go, Comet.
Shop this shows fashion, download the "LookLive" app in iTunes I guess it needed more olives.
Are you laughing? Are you laughing? [BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
[LAUGHS.]
Look at that.
What's that? Can you--? Feel that.
See that bunny's tail? See that? What's up? Oh, can you feel that? It's soft, huh? It's soft like your big jelly belly.
Give me that thing.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
[BECKY LAUGHING.]
Ah, ah.
The hair, the hair.
Let go of the hair.
I know you're jealous.
Hey.
Give me that.
Gimme, gimme, gimme that.
Becky, what color is that hair? It's, uh [COUGHS.]
gray.
What? Well, it's, uh, a light shade of black, resembling the color gray.
I have gray hair? Well, just a couple of them.
What? A cou-- Coup-- Here.
Here.
Here you go.
Stay right there.
How can I have gray hair? I'm only twenty-nine.
I can't have gray ha-- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Yank 'em.
Yank 'em.
Yank 'em.
Well, okay.
They say for every gray hair you pluck, two grow in its place.
Drop that hair.
Jess, would you relax? So you have a couple of gray hairs.
At least you still have your hair.
Yeah, but for how long? I feel it receding.
I'm-- You know what? I'm feeling it in my sleep.
I know how to check for this.
I know how to check.
Oh, my God.
It's moved 4 millimeters north.
[SIGHS.]
Beck, I'm gonna have one of those foreheads that start at my eyebrows and go all the way to the back of my neck.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Ah, see.
Word's out.
It's probably the Hair Club for Men.
Talk to me.
Oh.
Sure I'll hold.
It's David Janolari from Fat Fish Music.
Yes, Mr.
Janolari.
Hello.
Oh-- Uh-huh.
Oh.
Well thanks for crushing my dreams so fast.
All right.
That's okay.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
He said they like my music [SIGHS.]
they like the sound, they like the look.
They just don't hear a hit single.
Jess, look, I know it's disappointing.
But you can't let it get you down.
You know what, I have an idea.
How about tomorrow you and me and the boys spend the day together? Come down to the studio, okay? The Beach Boys are gonna be on the show.
Come on, they're your friends.
Like, I wanna be around them.
They had hit records when they were 18.
I'm almost thirty, I got nothing.
Jess, life is not a contest.
Honey, things happen when they're supposed to.
No.
Time's running out.
So is my hair.
This is so frustrating.
I mean what happens if I never make it in the music business? [***.]
Dad, come on.
The suspense is killing me.
Can I go to Spain with Kimmy or not? I know when you're trying to make a decision that could change the entire course of my life, the last thing you want to be is pushed.
Soyou won't catch me pushing you.
No sirree.
No pushing here.
Deej.
I know.
I'm pushing.
I'm backing off.
Sweetheart, I told you.
I've just-- I gotta think about this a little more, okay? Oh.
Deej.
Have you seen your Uncle Jesse? He's upstairs.
Oh, great.
Jess! Come on down! JESSE: I'm kind of busy.
Jess, this is really important.
Come on down now.
Deej.
Uncle Jesse is gonna flip.
Mike and Bruce from the Beach Boys are here.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
I promised them some good old-fashioned home cooking.
Quick, call Chicken on Wheels.
Come on in, you guys.
Oh, hi.
Hey, when do we eat? Thirty minutes or less.
Ha! She's a kidder.
[LAUGHING.]
Jess! What, Becky? What's so important? Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! The Beach Boys.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Miss Clairol.
Hey, Doctor Love, how you doing? How ya doing? Bruce.
How ya doing? It's the Beach Boys.
And I-- And I got my-- Thanks for the warning.
Well, how did I know you'd be dying your hair? Why are you dying your hair? Because I'm worth it.
Well, honey, Mike and Bruce came over because they heard you had a new studio, and they'd like to jam.
Cool.
And eat Becky's home cooking.
[CHUCKLES.]
Becky can cook? I mean, huh-- Boy.
Hey, when she cooks, look out.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
That's cool.
You want to play? That's great.
I'll call the guys.
They'll be over in 10 minutes.
It'll be good too, 'cause it'll give me time to comb out and rinse.
Otherwise, I'll streak.
* If every word I said, Could make you laugh * * I'd talk forever * * Ooh * * Mmm-mm-hm * * I asked the sky Just what we had * * Ooh, it shone forever * * Oh-ho * [IN UNISON.]
: * Forever Forever * * I've been so happy Loving you * Ha-ha! Woo! [IN SURFER VOICE.]
You guys, that was totally excellent.
[IN SURFER VOICE.]
Totally.
Let's eat.
[LAUGHS.]
That is such a cool song.
I sang that song to Becky at our wedding.
I'll tell you, you know, if I had a song like "Forever", I'll bet you Fat Fish Records would sign us [SNAPS.]
like that.
You want it.
You got it.
Leon, please pass the coleslaw.
You mean it? Uh-- We can record "Forever"? Sure.
As long as Becky keeps cooking up food like this.
Oh.
Well, I'll give you the phone number.
I mean, recipe.
MIKE: Oh.
Well, I mean, this is cool.
That-- That would be great if we did that.
Yeah.
I mean Normally we record stuff that we write.
But, quite frankly, who's buying it? I mean, you know what, Elvis never recorded anything he wrote.
I wonder what it would've been like if Elvis had-a done a Beach Boys song.
[IMPERSONATING ELVIS.]
* If everybody had an ocean, Across the U.
S.
A.
* That's scary.
[LAUGHING.]
How about it like this though.
* If everybody Had an ocean * [GUITARS AND DRUMS PLAYING.]
* Ooh * * Across the U.
S.
A.
* * Ooh * * Then everybody'd be surfing * * Ooh * * Like Californ-i-a * * Ooh * * You see 'em wearing Their baggies * * Huarachi sandals too * * Ooh * MAN: Hang ten! * A bushy Bushy blond hairdo * * Ooh * * Surfin' U.
S.
A.
* * Ooh * Hey, munchkin.
Give me a good-luck kiss.
I've got this great version of "Forever" that I cut with the Beach Boys.
I'm taking it down to Fat Fish Records.
I'm telling you something, they gonna love this baby.
Will you taste my new recipe? Oh.
That sounds tempting.
All right, you know what, I'll take just a really tiny, little sample.
Just give me a little tiny sample, okay? Here we go.
Mm.
Hm-hm.
Interesting.
What is it? Tuna cream.
So, that would be tuna and? Oreo ice cream.
Ah-ah-ah.
Ah.
I'll never get my cooking badge.
Oh.
Now, come on.
I don't want to hear that kind of talk.
I mean, well, tuna cream may not be one of the 31 flavors but you gotta have perseverance.
Perse-- What? Perseverance.
It means, you know, you never give up.
You keep on trying.
I mean, look at your Uncle J.
Now, I've been plugging away at this music business for ten years.
I've been writing songs, taking goofy gigs.
You know why? Because I will do anything to keep my dream alive.
* We're caught in a-- * * I can't walk out * * Because I love you Too much baby * * I said buy me those Kitty Krispies, man * * And I'll be Your best friend * * Meow-wow, meow-wow Meow-wow, meow-wow * * Oh, hey there, Mr.
Egghead You scientific dude * * Whenever you're around * * I'm in a scientific mood * * You can tell us How the bird flies * * Or how the fungus grows * * The creation Of the universe * * Or how we blow our nose * [IMPERSONATING ELVIS.]
* The farmer in the dell The farmer in the dell * * Viva Las Dairy-o The farmer in the dell * * The cheese stands alone The cheese stands alone * * Hunka hunka stinky cheese The cheese stands alone * * When you're laughing * * Scooby-dooby-doo * * Oh, when you're chuckling * * Scooby-doo-doo * * Ah, the sun it is a come A-shinin' through * One, two, three! Ah! [LAUGHING.]
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
* Glow, little glowworm Glimmer, glimmer * * Glow, little glowworm Glimmer, glimmer * * I've got a gal That I love so * * Glow, little glowworm * * Glow * See what I mean, Michelle? You were desperate.
I'm hip.
I never gave up.
You know why? Because I got what? Perseverance.
Right on, munchkin.
Ha-ha.
All right, let me give you a little tip now.
All right, you like pudding, you like cheese, so you put 'em together.
You like ice cream, you like tuna, again, you put 'em together.
Stop putting things together.
You gotta lose the combo deal.
Just try one thing.
Try something simple.
Thanks, Uncle Jesse.
I love you.
I know.
I love you too.
I know.
[LAUGHS.]
What was I thinking? It needs olives.
Dad, would you please tell me if I can go to Spain.
Okay, look.
I've been thinking about Spain.
You gotta understand, this is a big decision.
It's a decision that I've been wrestling with all day.
And if you know anything about wrestling, which I do, because I was dorm champ in the 145-pound class You know, I was really wiry back then too.
They used to call me the human pipe cleaner.
Forget it, Deej.
You're not going.
Not necessarily.
Sometimes when he rambles it's good news.
How would you know? He never gets to the news.
Kimmy, don't be rude.
He might change his mind.
We don't know what he's gonna say.
Maybe we want him to change his mind.
Maybe he hasn't made up his mind.
Maybe you want me to lose my mind.
Dad, I can't take it anymore.
Just tell me either way.
Okay.
You promise you'll write me every day? Of course.
I'll bring stationary, a penc-- I'm going?! You're letting me go? Thank you! [CHUCKLES.]
Good decision, Mr.
T.
She already told the school yes.
Well, I said, "Yes, unless my Dad says no".
Okay, follow me.
OJs on a stick.
Get 'em while they're cold.
Ooh, thank you, sweetie.
All right.
Oh, look at that.
Okay, boys.
Are you ready to taste your first popsicle? [GASPS.]
Ooh.
That's good, huh? Happy tongue.
[FRENCH ACCENT.]
Fruity, sophisticated, yet mischievous.
Heh-heh.
And best of all, it comes on a stick.
You mean it? You really like 'em? [IN UNISON.]
Yeah.
[ALL TALKING.]
Well, guess what? The incredibly talented chef who made OJs on a stick, is our very own Michelle Elizabeth Tanner! I did it! I can cook! Congratulations, honey.
You're gonna get your first Honeybee badge.
Thank you.
I may open a restaurant.
Hey, everybody.
This is, uh, David Janolari from Fat Fish Music.
How ya doing? Hi.
Hey, a real family.
Cool.
[LAUGHS.]
This guy has the best ear in the music business.
That's strange.
Yesterday you said he wouldn't know good music if it bit him on the-- Whoa.
Heh-heh.
[LAUGHS.]
Kids.
Don't you love 'em? Huh.
Listen, you aren't gonna believe this.
That's why I brought David.
If he says it, you have to believe it.
Tell 'em.
Well, I heard the kid's tape of "Forever" and it blew me away.
I'm not even here.
I had no choice.
I had to sign him.
BECKY: Honey, you signed.
Congratulations! Congratulations.
I'm finally gonna have a record out.
Ten years of struggling has finally paid off.
'Cause you got perseverance.
Cool kid.
Hey Jess, cat.
Let's rap.
When you think of major superstars like Michael Jackson or Hammer, what do you see? Funny pants? No, no, no, no.
You see dancing.
I do? Of course you do.
That is why we are gonna take that sweet little song of yours, re-record it, turn up the energy, pump up the beat, and make the hottest dance video ever to hit MTV.
Uh, Dave-- Cat.
Heh.
Uh, there's just one small problem.
Um I don't dance.
Ah, come on, a guy with your looks and talent? Can't dance? I don't believe it.
Believe it.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
Our dog Comet's better.
Anyway, don't worry about it.
'Cause when we get through with you, everyone in this country will be dancing [SNAPS.]
"the Jessman.
" Jessman? [***.]
* Aah-ahh-ahh-ahhh * [***.]
* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa * Shop this shows fashion, download the "LookLive" app in iTunes