Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s05e36 Episode Script

[MOUSE SQUEAKS.]
[PENGUINS CHIRP.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Adventure time come on, grab your friends we'll go to very distant lands with Jake the dog and finn the human the fun will never end it's adventure time JAKE: If I hear another peep, there's gonna be trouble.
Final warning! Okay.
Go ahead, bmo.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
Okay, welcome back to the program.
We're talking with my special guest, finn the human.
FINN: Hello.
[APPLAUSE.]
[APPLAUSE STOPS.]
JAKE: Now, finn, before the break, you were saying something interesting -- that you're getting out of the romance biz.
So, what happened? FINN: Well, I don't want to bore your listeners [APPLAUSE.]
but let's just say the time has come to stop dating princesses and return to saving 'em.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
JAKE: And you're not just saying that to, uh, make yourself seem more attractive? FINN: Yeah, of course.
No games goin' on here.
[KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
JAKE: Hold on, hold on.
What's that noise? I think that someone's knocking at the door.
JAKE: Can you see who it is? Yes, Jake.
JAKE: So it's going pretty good, huh? FINN: Yeah, but maybe we should stop talking about this love junk and get back to adventuring.
Finn! Jake! I need your help! It's an emergency! FINN: Now we're talking! Don't cry, slime princess.
We're at your service.
I need finn to marry me.
[CHITTERING PLAYS.]
FINN: I'm sorry, s.
P.
, but I've given up the dating scene.
You don't understand.
If I don't get a husband, I'll lose my kingdom.
ICE KING: I'll do it! JAKE: What did I tell you?! [LAUGH TRACK PLAYS.]
Please let me explain.
Recently, my much hotter, younger sister, blargatha, married a slime rogue named guillermo.
As a result, elder plops decreed that if I was not married by tomorrow, rule of the slime kingdom would pass to my sister, which I'd be, like, totally fine with, except I recently discovered they are both evil.
Evil to the core! They plan to militarize the kingdom and begin a campaign of aggressive conquest, sacking our neighboring kingdoms, stealing their resources, and eventually taking over the entire world! JAKE: Ew.
Finn, this will happen unless someone marries me.
FINN: No.
ICE KING: Psst! JAKE: [GRUMBLES.]
Please, finn.
I know I've crushed on you in the past, but I have no intention of locking this down.
Our marriage will only be in name only.
FINN: Mm JAKE: Wait! I'm coming, too! I'm gonna eat popcorn and make hilarious jokes.
Aw.
Who ate all my popcorn? ICE KING: [MUNCHING.]
Call this a room? There's not even a window.
Oh, wait.
Are we rolling? JAKE: [MUNCHING.]
How much farther? This popcorn's not gonna last all day.
All right, now it might.
We're here.
Welcome to my little oasis in the wasteland.
JAKE: Oasis? More like, "no way, sis!" [LAUGHS.]
FINN: Huh? JAKE: [GASPS.]
FINN: Whoa! This is amazing! You okay, buddy? JAKE: You could say I got out of there in the "lick" of time.
Zing! Quickly.
We're already late.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS.]
This is the most important place in the kingdom.
FINN: The royal palace? No, it's where me and all my main splirts hang out.
Hi, girls! ALL: H-I-I-I-I-I! [HUMMING.]
FINN: Tree trunks and Mr.
pig, what are you doing here? Oh, we always come here when we want to shake it, finn.
It's the only triple-cray-rated disco in all of ooo.
Get your face pretty, finn.
My people are already assembled in the courtyard.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Greetings, loyal slimejects! [ALL CHEERING.]
I would like to introduce my new husband -- finn the human! [ALL CHEERING.]
What did I tell you? Piece of cake.
Attention, my loyal slimejects.
[GASPS.]
It's blargatha.
And that's the mysterious guillermo.
He hails from a faraway, much more somber slime kingdom where people have strange customs and no love in their eyes.
Their discos aren't even rated one cray.
My husband would like to say something.
And, uh, he would, too, if not for his extremely sore throat, so I will say it for him.
We challenge you to the trials of glarb.
[CROWD GASPS.]
I object! Ancient traditions such as the trials of glarb are no longer relevant in our modern self-indulgent society.
Order! Order! I demand order! I, elder plops, being the coolest guy in the room, will settle this dispute.
The matter will be settled on the battleground FINN: All right! the battleground of love.
FINN: Aw! The couple that I deem most truly in love shall rule the slime kingdom for life.
[SCEPTER CLANKS.]
Plops out.
[ALL CHEERING.]
FINN: [SIGHS.]
JAKE: This is, like, the opposite of what you wanted.
Welcome, everyone, to the trials of glarb, hosted by me, elder plops.
The first trial will be crooning.
You guys are gonna get into these sweet boats I made and croon for each other on the lake.
The most loving and heartfelt song, judged by me, elder plops, will win.
I really want to hear some emotional song work here.
The people want to hear emotional stuff.
So let's see some stuff, all right? Okay, finn, you can do it.
FINN: I don't know.
I'm still jacked up over my lady biz.
Well, just lose yourself in your own mind and go numb.
Then let it all out.
FINN: [GROANS.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Okay.
Just let it all out.
When I'm heating up my lunch or delivering a dungeon punch I can't get over you your kiss is burned into my brain Simon's hair is clogging up my drain I just can't get over you see your face all over ooo sticks to me like a coat of glue I can't get over you Why can't I get over you? Finn, way to go.
I could tell the people were really impressed.
Guillermo, you're up.
Hmm? Okay, guillermo.
I'll ask, I'll ask Guillermo still has a sore throat! May I sing on, uh, his behalf? Elder plops thinks that's okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[OFF-KEY.]
I want to touch your hand with my hand I want to rub your cheek with my cheek maybe later we can get "do not disturb" I'm done! As elder plops, I have heard many songs in my life, and I can only say this Finn, you win this one.
[ALL CHEERING.]
[GRUMBLES.]
FINN: Whoo! Yes! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Welcome, everyone, to our second trial Spooning.
When I say go, the big spoon will put his arm around the little spoon and cuddle.
I will be watching you spoon, measuring and assessing your love by posture and overall vibe.
The best cuddle, or spoon, wins.
FINN: Wait.
What? JAKE: [LAUGHING.]
Spooners, get in your futons.
FINN: Uh, I don't feel good about this.
Ready, set Spoon! FINN: [GASPS.]
No, wait.
I don't want to do this! Wrap those gorgeous pythons around me! FINN: No! This feels weird! Come on, finn, they're crushing us! Wuh! Wuh! Wuh! Blargatha and guillermo, very nice.
FINN: Nooooooooooooooooo! Yeesh.
All right, everyone, stop.
I've seen enough.
Blargatha and guillermo's love was way-off-the-charts good.
They win.
Yes! I love you, baby.
You spoon so good! FINN: [BREATHES HEAVILY.]
No! The score is tied.
There's one more trial after spooning and crooning -- smooching.
I'm sorry it doesn't rhyme with crooning and spooning.
We will begin our next trial on the morrow! [SCOFFS.]
This is not going well.
FINN: I'm sorry, slime princess.
I'm just going to mess this next trial up.
Is it because you haven't done much kissing? You don't have to be embarrassed by your innocence.
FINN: Pretending to be in love is making me sad.
It makes me think about flame princess.
What if I pretend to be your ex? FINN: That's worse, I think.
Well, it looks like I'm losing my kingdom to the forces of evil.
FINN: [SIGHS.]
No, slime princess.
Let's practice this smooch.
Mmmmm.
FINN: [GROANS, GAGS.]
[VOMITS.]
I'm sorry.
I -- I can't! [GRUMBLES.]
Bunk this! Wait! Where are you going? FINN: I'm going to punch guillermo in his stupid face till he agrees to leave the kingdom.
I want to come! FINN: [GRUNTS.]
Hey, guillermo! Can you come out here for a Quick meeting? JAKE: More like a quick beating.
Hey-o! He says eat a fat dollop and buzz off! Blargatha! FINN: Hyup! Hmm.
[GASPS.]
Finn, you shouldn't break in to a woman's room.
FINN: Hyah! Everyone okay? JAKE: Yes.
"Tank" you.
FINN: Hyah! Eh? FINN: Guillermo! Hyah! [GASPS.]
Are you dead, man? Aw, geez, bro.
Huh? These are olives.
Uh-oh.
Blargatha, why would you make a fake husband? You're so hot! You don't know how hard it is to be this hot.
Women don't want to talk to you because they're intimidated, and guys don't want to talk to you because they're too scared.
You're alone in the hottest, most sexiest prison.
So I stuck some olives on a glop of gelatin and called him my lover.
FINN: Well, I'm sorry, blargatha, but you're going to have to spend more time in your metaphorical prison in a real prison, 'cause what you're doing is illegal.
Uh, no, it just disqualifies her from challenging me.
FINN: Whoops.
[ALL CHEERING.]
By the authority of elder plops, I officially declare You are still the slime princess.
ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Finn, what do you think? FINN: I don't want to disappoint all these people.
[GAGS, VOMITS.]
I'm sorry! I can't do it! [VOMITING.]
[SCEPTER CLANKING.]
Come along with me and the butterflies and bees we can wander through the forest and do so as we please come along with me to a cliff under a tree FINN: What Is the meaning of soup? JAKE: What? I don't know.
What's with all the weird quest-- FINN: What is the meaning of spoon? JAKE: Shoot, man.
Are you still lady-sad about flame princess? You know, it's okay if you are.
FINN: Nah.
That's all fine.
I've just been feeling kind of gray, is all.
Like, my inside voice has been kind of quiet lately, not a lot of instructions forthcoming, you know? JAKE: Yeah, well, sounds like you're sad.
Listen, finn.
Girls is like horses -- when you fall down, it's important that you get right back on again On a different horse.
And there's a lot of fish in the sea, a lot of fish.
A penny saved is a penny earned.
FINN: YeahI-I guess.
Or maybe dating girls is like riding a bicycle JAKE: Yeah, man, yeah! FINN: Where, like, if you mess up, you can get really hurt forever or hurt someone you really care about.
JAKE: Uh, well, I suppose.
Anyway, I hope this mystery cave we're looking for is as weird as flambo's brother says it is.
Maybe that'll snap you out of the -- whoa! What?! What's this train all about? No one said nothing about no train in the way.
FINN: Relax, buddy.
We'll just cross after it passes.
No big thing, really.
JAKE: Oh, yeah.
It's two hours later now.
What the stonk? Oh.
Okay.
Hey, the train just goes in a big circle.
We can cut right through the middle.
Blingle, blongle, bloongle.
Come on.
Hey, you know, I just had another idea.
If we just stay put here on the train, we can ride it all the way to the cave.
Blingle, blongle, bloongle! Hyah! Give me -- give me the loot! FINN: Ow! Yow! Come on, give it! Give me that hat! FINN: Knock it off.
Aah! Whoa, dang! FINN: [CHUCKLES.]
JAKE: Hey, finn! FINN: Whoa.
JAKE: Look at all the loot that guy dropped while you whipped his butt.
FINN: Dang.
Look at that sword.
Whoa.
It feels kind of right.
Whoosh.
Whoosh.
Whoosh, whoosh.
Whoosh! [LAUGHS.]
Whoa.
JAKE: [CHUCKLES.]
It's pretty fun, huh? FINN: Yeah, man! It's spicy baby fun! JAKE: You want to go see what other kind of monsters are on this train? FINN: Yes! JAKE: [CHUCKLES.]
FINN: Whoa.
Crystal ants, I think.
JAKE: [CHUCKLES.]
Cool.
[CHUCKLES.]
FINN: [LAUGHS.]
Yeah! [MONSTERS GROANING.]
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! [LAUGHS.]
Ha! JAKE: [LAUGHS.]
Welcome back, buddy.
FINN: Man, look at all this rad loot.
JAKE: Yeah, this is a pretty neat train.
We should come back again someday.
FINN: Wow, what do you mean? We just started only like three hours ago.
JAKE: [CHUCKLES.]
YeahI-I'm just getting a little bored, is all.
All these cars and monsters are kind of all the same.
It's a little boring.
FINN: Oh, come on.
It's fun.
Just one more car.
Come on.
Come on, man.
Come on! JAKE: All right.
Just one more.
FINN: [LAUGHS.]
Yes! JAKE: [SIGHS.]
FINN: Hmm? Where is everybody? JAKE: Hey, hey! Empty car.
I think we beat it, buddy.
[DOOR OPENS.]
FINN: Whoa, man.
Boss battle! Let's chew it up! JAKE: Okay, but this is the last one, okay? FINN: We'll see! [CHUCKLES.]
JAKE: Hey, man.
Remember we were going to that weird cave? I bet it's not too late to check it out.
FINN: Eh, weird cave, weird train.
I'm cool here.
JAKE: [SIGHS.]
Okay.
FINN: Hyah! Aah! Give me a break! FINN: Oh? Oh, dang.
Boss loot! Mm, mm-mm, mm-mm-mm.
Oh, yes.
JAKE: No, thank you.
FINN: Jake, hurry! Next car! Slime crimes! JAKE: You have fun.
I'm just gonna watch.
FINN: Yeah! Huh! Ugh! Hey! Ow! [LAUGHS.]
Ow.
Cool.
Acid.
[STOMACH GRUMBLES.]
Hey, also, man, aren't you, like, getting kind of hungry? FINN: Yeah, man.
I guess we've been here for a while.
JAKE: More than a while, dude.
I've already missed my bathroom window.
FINN: Yeah, I guess I could take a snack break.
JAKE: Okay.
Well, we'll go back to the tree house, and I'll make us some lunch.
I could make the toaster pancakes you like.
Or maybe I can boil up some hot dogs.
Or -- FINN: [MUNCHING.]
Look, now we don't got to do that thing you wanted to do.
JAKE: Aah! FINN: Hot meat! JAKE: Ants again?! FINN: Ant no thang! Hyah! Caught with your ants down! Ants for nothing! Forget about ants.
What's wrong? Feeling antsy?! JAKE: [SIGHS.]
Dude, this is the ant car.
We already did the ant car.
You did all the ants.
FINN: Same car -- ugh -- but those were blue ants.
These are red ants.
JAKE: Finn, I think we should take off.
I think this place is bad news for you.
FINN: Man, no way.
All this feels good, like my inside voice is saying, "hey, keep it up.
This is good stuff.
" Aah! Hey! Hyah! Like when you made those biscuits way back and I kept eating them until they were all gone, like that.
JAKE: Finn! I made those biscuits with so much butter.
You were just responding to the butter! This whole place is butter! FINN: Yeah! Boss fight! Yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Hyah! [GRUNTING.]
My junk and stuff! FINN: Check it out.
Battle moon.
JAKE: What? [GASPS.]
Finn, this is a future crystal! Look! That's you, dude.
You're old, you're alone, and you're still fighting on this dumb train.
OLD FINN: Get ant of town.
FINN: Whoa.
I'm gonna have the best life.
Oh! Hair apes! JAKE: Nah, dude.
I'm bored, I'm tired, and I'm going backTo the tree house.
You can come with me if you want.
FINN: What? No, man.
It's better on the train.
Stuff makes sense here.
[APE GRUNTING.]
FINN: Ow! [CHUCKLES.]
JAKE: I'm sorry.
If you wish to join me, I'll be in the tree house, experiencing the joys of life and not getting attacked by gorillas made out of hair.
FINN: You'll be back.
JAKE: No, I won't, finn.
Goodbye! FINN: Huh.
[APE GRUNTS.]
FINN: Hey! [LAUGHS.]
Hair we go! JAKE: Hey, what are you doing up here? Whoop.
JAKE: Are you getting sick of things down there, too? Whoo.
JAKE: Mm-hmm.
You're not gonna try and zap me, are you? I wonder what my kids are doing.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Hey.
I knew it.
Got to find that kid.
Hey, finn! F-- whoa.
UmHey, there, friend.
I ain't looking for no trouble.
I'm just looking for my friend finn.
Maybe you've seen him? About five feet tall, picks his nose, and always kind of smells funny l-- FINN: Hey.
Hey.
Jake, it's me.
I'm just all souped up now.
JAKE: Ah, geez, finn.
I -- for a minute there, I thought you were one of those twisted, lost-soul, boss guys.
FINN: LA, LA, LA.
JAKE: Wait.
You are! You are one! FINN: What? Those guys are cool.
JAKE: That's it, man.
I'm getting you off this train whether you like it or not.
FINN: Jake, stay back.
I mean it.
JAKE: Oh, please.
What are you gonna do? I'm 10 times stronger th-- hey! [GURGLING.]
FINN: [CHUCKLES.]
JAKE: Oh, gross.
[COUGHS.]
FINN: Yoink! [LAUGHS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Jake, trying to tell me what to do.
Yeah, right.
I tells me what to do.
Now, let's see what we got here.
Apple, apple, chicken, apple.
Oh, yeah.
That little orb in which I rule.
Let's see that again, orb.
Yeah.
That's right.
Looking right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wait a second.
Who's that sad, bored little guy following me around? Jake? All those years, he stayed with me.
OLD JAKE: Finn, can we slow down? My feet hurt.
OLD FINN: What? FINN: Oh, Jake.
Hang in there, buddy.
I'm gonna set this right.
JAKE: Finn! Finn, I'm sorry.
I'll stay on the train with you.
I swear.
Just get this stuff off of me.
FINN: No, I'm sorry, Jake.
I messed up.
But don't worry.
It's all over now.
JAKE: You mean, we're getting off the train? FINN: WellYou are.
I'm gonna keep playing for a while.
I'll meet you back home in a week or two.
JAKE: Oh, man.
Don't you see that's just the train talking? It's got its hooks in you.
FINN: No.
No, for real.
My inside voice is telling me it's time.
Here.
See for yourself.
JAKE: Yeah, man.
That's what I'm talking about.
That is what I'm talking about.
Come along with me and the butterflies and bees we can wander through the forest and do so as we please come along with me to a cliff under a tree