Robot Chicken s06e00 Episode Script

Robot Chicken, for one hundred episodes, they defiled every entertainment brand in the known universe.
Now, their greatest challenge, writing the cocktail of the most iconic characters of all time, not counting Harry Potter.
The DC comics superheroes.
Some of them are super than others, that guy just talks to fish.
Hey! This is the Robot Chicken DC Comics Special.
Hashtag RCDC.
- Oh boy, the invisible jet.
- Hurry up, Aquaman! - Let's go, buddy.
- I'm coming! Sike! Last one at the party can't fly.
He will be the last one at the party, because he can't fly.
Fine, I'll just swim there.
Silly punks.
Batman owns the night.
Now taste fear Wait, wait.
what? Oh God! Oh, my back just snapped like a pack of uncooked spaghetti! You just walk up and break my back without saying a word.
Booh! Booh on you, sir.
That's Bane.
And now, "Real characters from the DC Universe".
Hi, I'm B'Dg, I'm a member of the Green Lantern core.
Can you believe it folks? He really exists.
Huh Do you guys want me to say anything or? Tune in next time, for another edition of "Real characters from the DC Universe".
Lois, you helped me defeat general Zod, Superman too.
But now, you know I'm Superman, I have to kiss you and make you forget.
Why would that be one of your super powers? You should hear yourself sometimes, Lois.
What, why am I standing here with Clark Kent, when I should be chasing the scoop on Superman.
I should really use that power more often.
My beautiful hair, I'll never forget how you took it from me Superman.
Adventure comics n°271.
- Oh really? - Superman! I'll destroy you What are you doing? I can't remember why I hate you.
Oh yeah, I know.
You might want to close your eyes.
I run my fingers through your hair.
And I kiss you, bro.
And you won't remember a thing.
Don't trying run away.
Another job well done.
I should have thought this through.
Oh, well.
- Hey, how's it going? - Right, right, right.
Oh, come on! Welcome everyone to the grand opening of our newest exhibit.
The Blue Star of Egypt.
All right, people, we all know what's coming next.
Let's see if we can at least make it through a round of hors d'oeuvres before the first supervillain shows up.
Apparently, there's a salmon bagel bite.
Everyone, freeze! Sorry to be so cold-hearted, but Mr.
Freeze is stealing that ice.
I was not expecting paprika.
A-plus effort, honestly.
Everyone, chill out! Or Captain Cold will put you on ice.
Come on! I thought we had a schedule worked out.
This is my day.
I have a new assistant.
I'm still bringing him in.
Everyone, stay cool! It's about to get downright to bone-chillin' in here.
Thanks to Icicle.
I just walked into a cluster fuck.
You guys, you have to try these salmon thingies.
Focus, Captain Cold.
Clearly there's not room for three cold-themed villains with freeze rays.
I guess you two Snow Jobs will have to change gimmicks, then.
It's not my gimmick.
I'll literally die in warm temperatures.
My cryogeneticly frozen wife is my entire reason of living.
My name is Victor Fries, for God's sake.
It's "Freeze", but you spell it "fries" like French fries.
Weird.
- It's German.
- Well, I ain't changing, you dick.
Everyone, freeze! Oh, for fuck's sake.
I completely forgot about Chillblaine.
You and America, buddy.
It took me six years of research to build my freeze ray.
How do you high school dropouts keep making them.
Are they as easy to build as ham radios and I'm just an asshole? Guys, we've demolished a lot of load-bearing walls in here.
Well, those villains are going to the cooler, thanks to Ice and her amazing freeze powers.
Cool.
I'm glad you guys could come all the way to Earth-C.
Me and Captain Carrot didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things but no one deserves to die like that.
I never met the Captain or his "Zoo Crew", but since you vouch for him, I'm glad to be here in their time of need.
Why didn't you tell me they look like cartoons.
Wait.
I'm good.
Dammit.
Sorry.
If you can't keep it together, you need to leave.
I know, I know! For the love of It's a turtle wearing goggles.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm I'm sorry.
Its just that pig looks so sad.
I can't, I can't.
I'm sorry.
I can't! Your friend was very inappropriate.
We're so sorry Little Cheese.
Little Cheese.
I just don't see how you could let it get this bad.
It's the swamp thing baby.
You wouldn't understand.
Bane broke my back, but years of training allowed me to heal in record time.
Now, let's see what the joker Oh my god, no! Like a string of firecrackers, my fucking back.
I felt the soles of my feet touch the back of my head on that one.
That's Bane.
And now, "Real characters from the DC Universe".
- Hey there, I'm Firestorm.
- Can you believe it, folks? Take a good look at this douche.
I'm Firestorm.
The nuclear man.
I was in the Justice League.
His hair is actually made of fire.
Bet he blows through his comb budget pretty quickly.
But I'm really popular.
We'll be back next time for "Real characters from the DC Universe".
- What are we doing here, Lantern.
- What's the matter? You're a little rusty with the ladies? If anyone's gonna score tonight, it's the man of steel.
Haven't you been courting Lois Lane for like fifteen years.
- Do you ever score? - Watch and learn.
Hey ladies, you look like you could use a non-threatening guy pal who would never push your boundaries.
And while you're at it, could you co-sign my loan for a late model Corolla? Got a pen? Not even I could get to the friend zone that fast.
Class is in session, people.
Soon as I get this suit off.
Hold on there, money bags.
You gotta do it in costume.
Yeah, that's the rules.
We all have to be in costume.
What? I'm dressed like a giant bat.
Well, fuck you guys.
I'm getting wasted.
Got a couple Piña Coladas here.
Just for the ladies.
Looks like you could use some just for men.
And you bitches can pay for your own drinks.
Name's Aquaman, I know how to talk to tuna.
Martian Manhunter? What are you doing? I have a life outside the team, you know.
- You are the worst.
- Aquaman got manhunted.
I'm outta here.
There's plenty of fish in the sea.
Did he mean that metaphorically or? I do not just call when I've been drinking.
Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom.
And this new plan will crush the Justice League once and for all.
But more importantly, it's time to draw names, for secret santa.
It's team building, people.
Shake it up, shake it up.
I got Leonard Snart.
Who's Leonard Snart? Is he the kid in the mail room with the B.
O.
? Everyday I'm like, "I smell the mail coming!" and sure enough I'm Leonard Snart.
How could I forget? I think that kid's name is Glenn.
Somebody is going to get a big surprise.
A new rule this year everybody.
No exploding toys I'm literally the only one affected by that rule.
I still have a scar in my forehead from Christmas 2004, you dumb butthole.
It's It's how I express love.
Has everyone drawn a name? God, what smells like a turd lovers pizza? Hey guys, we doin secret Santa again this year? Non noncommittal mumbling.
The gift that keeps on giving.
I have a glandular condition, you guys.
This is not my fault.
You think I don't try? I shower everyday.
I shower everyday.
Learn more about Glenn and his battle against body odor, right after these commercial messages.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know how to break this news in any way that make sense of it, so I'll just give you the facts as I have them.
Glenn killed himself during the commercial break.
My God, What was that? I don't know but I'll find out Mr.
Jordan.
This is so cool.
Not quite "Independence Day" cool, but much cooler than "Battle Los Angeles" cool.
If Battle Los Angeles was zero cool and Independence Day was 10 cool then this would be about a 7 cool.
I am Abin Sur.
It's a 9 cool.
- From the Green Lantern - Exposition Youpi! - The ring, the cosmic ring - Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
has chosen you as its new master, Al Jordan.
Last words spoken in its native tongue.
We'll tragically never know what Al Jordan means in English.
Watch this ring is glowing and seems to be taking over my body.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ! OK, OK.
Could you please stop screaming? Thank you.
You will be trained to use your ring by Kilowog.
It's like scratching a chalkboard against another chalkboard.
If you are attacked, the ring will respond to your thoughts and imagination to protect you.
Begin.
Cool, I dodged it.
Protect me, Selena Gomez.
I meant weapons, you Poozer.
I am not sure that the earthlings are worthy of our ring.
- Make them kiss.
- Yes, it is hot in here.
Let's just hope they gave Abin Sur the burial he deserved.
Your enhanced strength and criptonized lasers make you a match for even Superman, Mr.
Luthor.
Yes, a flawless design.
Tyler, I told you not to play ball in here.
I'm so sorry Mr.
Luthor, it's my day to watch him Just stop talking for one second.
That tickles.
But, what's going on here? OK, just to be completely clear.
All we gonna do is go over to the Hall of Justice, plant a nega-bomb and kill them all at once.
That's it, right.
Exactly, and we're sneaking over at night when it's dark like Sinestro said, great idea "N'estro".
And it never hurts to leave a few riddles with embedded clues on how to diffuse the bomb.
Right, gang? Look, Eddy.
We're not doing the riddle thing anymore.
You don't have to get your dick prince over everything we do.
Without my riddles, they might as well not even show up.
Fine.
Riddle me this.
Witch losers are gonna be totally jealous when I defeat the JLA without them.
It's you, guys.
Riddle me this.
Who is the punctuation posse? Perhaps I can answer your question.
Riddler.
Intense emotion do I hear? Then the Exclamer must be near.
The Exclamer? Wait, can we have a pause here for a second? Pausing is my game, Flash.
And The Coma is my name.
Forget it.
I'm shutting down this turd factory before it gets any worse Did someone use a quote yet, we can't hear.
Jack (bip) back here.
So if we just turn off the light when we leave the room Wait, they said Bane had crippled me for life, but that monster isn't going to own me.
I'm back.
Oh my god, this is not happening! Where were you guys on that one? You just watched it.
This is a waking nightmare That's Bane.
Oh, come on, guys, I've had this since I was thirteen.
Riddle me this Mirror Master.
What's pink, quivering and needs a shave? Two things: Sinestro and Sinestro's vagina.
- Let's go.
- OK OK, I've got to do it.
- Call 991, guys.
- I'm not so fan of blood.
We'll need more TP here, fellas.
- I'm out of here.
- Help me, help me.
Riddle me this, what's covered in question marks, sniffs clue and was never here.
Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice Maybe the crew ship wouldn't sink if they didn't shove a quarter tons of self-loathing in the every cabin.
How they even wipe themselves? Someone said crew ship like in the ocean? Why didn't you invite me? To tell the fish to get out of the way.
No, they figured out.
- Nice one, Superman.
- Sorry guys, bad news.
The toilet still clogged.
That was an ancient relic passed down from my ancestors.
Your ancestors didn't know crap about plumbing.
I got friends coming over tonight.
These lobsters walk right into the door.
Anyone hungry? The Johnsons! No! Ant Johnson performed my bris.
Aquaman, I hear you.
- Can we still eat the lobsters? - Somebody said lobsters? That's it.
You treat me like I'm not even on the team.
Every day, it's Aqualoser, - there's a Aquapuss that.
- Aquaman, the floor is wet.
I am the king of the fucking ocean, cyborg.
Do you think I've never seen a paddle before? My tailbone.
My tailbone.
Please Need a hospital.
Just use your Aquamobile.
How am I supposed to ride a sea dude? That is it.
That is it.
And now, "Real characters from the DC universe".
Well, hello there.
I'm Mr.
Banjo.
I steal America's secret and send it to foreign enemies by playing Morse code on my banjo playing.
That's right No! No way.
You lock me in here with Fatty Arbuckle I can fly.
I can shoot nuclear blasts.
I can literally, literally turn lead into gold.
Well, you just hang on there, my friend.
This banjo cost me almost sixty dollars so we both bring our lap to the table.
And where the fuck is B'dg ? Down the hall, first dressing room on the right.
Oh hello, my name is B'dg.
And, who ever's been picking their nose at the urinal and wiping it on the wall.
Stop it.
That's evil.
It's disgusting Guys, what is the wifi password in here again.
Catwoman is a bitch, all in one word with a capital B.
No, that's evil.
It's the Justice League.
We're under attack Quiet, folks.
See, Aquaman has come alone.
Giganta, right? Shoo, go away! Hey, I just wanna talk.
Alright, but there's an entrance fee.
Giganta, you dumb cow, you've led my archenemy right to us.
I'll lift the fight another day.
Aquaman, you are now our hostage.
I'm already a hostage Luthor, a hostage to the JLA's insults.
But no more.
Aquaman is the newest member of the Legion of Doom.
Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have the code to the watch tower service entrance.
Welcome aboard.
What the fuck is going on out there? I left my windows down.
No, our document say you were born on august 15, 1865, a Tuesday.
It should also be noted that your actual legal name is Salomon Gruesday.
Hey, guys, I'm back.
Where have I been, ho, kicking the ocean business? You know, I didn't join the force of evil or anything.
You got the cake for Robin's Bar Mitzvah ? Yep, that's all I'm good for, right.
There goes our petty cash.
Better too much than too little.
Right? He's blowing it.
Riddle me this: Who's hand is that? Mine's between two pillows.
We've heard you the first three times.
We've all seen the movie.
Actually, I never seen it but that joke was in the trailer.
Fine, let's just get it in the rec room.
Surprise! I didn't do anything.
- What is this? - It's an Aquaman appreciation party.
Yeah, Robin is not Jewish.
We give you a hard time but only because we love you, bro.
You really feel that way? Do I really feel look at this guy, of course.
We're a family.
Now, do the honor.
Shush, something's happening.
Yeah, Aquaman in the house! Do not push.
Quiet, you fool.
But, but, but I said Quiet! I told you to Wait! They are shoving knifes in here? Get out of the cake.
We've been caked.
Wait, wait, guys, my legs are asleep.
Now, we'll see what Mr Banjo can do.
Face it green fool.
You're no match for the power of fear.
I can't look at you like that.
Was that a choice? I got a staph infection, I almost died.
Who brought a kick ball? Am I here, or over here? - How would you know who's the real - Face punch.
See you next gruesday.
Freeze, chill, ice, freeze, cool.
Yeah, drop it mother fuckers.
Who's next? I'll fight you Wonder Woman, but I've got a debt.
Oh Great.
Like I was drowning in couch to start with, now I've got a nose like a fucking can opener.
Meow.
Was I supposed to fight DarkSide cause I'm a guy in a cat suit.
Give it up, Joker, you Is that piss, dude? Did you just squirt piss in my mouth? We are done, professionally.
It's not his piss, Bats That is only slightly better.
Rule of three asshole, not four.
Oh man! I can't concentrate with that damn banjo noise.
Fine, suck on this.
Here, again.
The world's greatest felon and earth mightiest hero must do the dance of death.
Mother Fucker.
That split my lap.
Enough of this.
Time for the end game.
- Aquaman, the kryptonite.
Now.
- Kryptonite! Throw me the kryptonite and the evil will win.
No Aquaman.
I'm your bro.
Bro? Your treated him like ponce god, for too long.
Now, he has his revenge.
Sorry, Luthor, I'm no villain.
I'm Hero.
And I'm gonna kick your ass.
Aqua-punch! Yeah! Aquaman gets his groove back.
Oh, fuck.
How can you measure the value of a man who did so much for so many? And what would we do without him? Without Glenn? This is how the Robot Chicken DC Comics Special ends? With some cheap ass misdirect? We're no even gonna find out who survived? Everyone's OK with that? Shush! Don't worry, Jimmy.
You won't remember a thing.
And neither will you.
You know, the thing about Glenn was Oh, damn it.
With the help of : Viximum and SapphireStardust robotchicken.
wikia.
com Another job well done.