Spin City s06e01 Episode Script

Last time on "spin city" Who would have thought that you'd end up being my best friend? Who would have thought? I-I can't do this.
Oh, Charlie, I think you're confused.
What you meant to say was, "yes, thank you.
" I'm sorry.
Look, I was confused about my feelings for you, but now I'm not.
We're friends, and that's what's important.
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.]
CAITLIN: Anyway, I really respect that you put our friendship ahead of sex, and I have to admit as I lie here in the tub, covered in bubbles with the candles going, it's probably better you're not here.
She's taking a bubble bath.
What the hell am I doing here? And now Can I come in? Well, this is a surprise.
Mmm.
And don't you worry about my needs.
I just want to give you the most pleasure possible.
If you insist.
[ROMANTIC SOUL MUSIC PLAYING.]
MAN'S VOICE: Yo, buddy, that'll be $6.
75.
That'll be $6.
75.
Hey! Thanks, but I'll take my tip in cash.
You don't know what you're missing.
Can I come in? Well, this is a surprise.
Oh, Caitlin.
I just kissed Jackie chan.
Please tell me you didn't come back for sex.
Sex? No.
No, God, no.
I came back because I forgot my Keys And my condom.
Charlie, I was upset earlier, you were very sweet, and we had a moment.
That's all it was.
The window is closed.
So we'll open it.
We'll re-create the moment.
Now You were upset Wah-wah I gave you a hug whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy.
I'm not here just to be another notch on your bedpost.
Oh, please.
I don't put notches on my bedpost.
It's all on computer now.
Caitlin, this isn't just about sex.
I value our friendship, too, but I think we can have more.
Let me try to open the window.
Okay, but the odds are, like, a million to one.
That's the spirit.
You relax, I'll get us some wine.
Wine the wd-40 of window-opening.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
This is a playful little vintage, and it goes great with Another guy.
Look at you.
You spent a month in Costa Rica? You never take vacations.
Yeah, well, I realized it was time to take a break when I fell asleep while briefing a congressman.
How embarrassing.
Yeah, especially since I was driving at the time.
You know, I just went down there for one week, and then I met someone and I just kept going.
You must have some great stories.
Probably too many to tell right now.
Maybe you should go back to your hotel and type them up for tomorrow.
Look, Charlie, Caitlin and I, you know, we dated, but we're just friends.
So, you know, I don't want to get in the way here.
What? Why would you be in the way? Come on.
It's late, there's a bottle of wine, there's a condom over there.
It's not like that.
It's a little like that.
Maybe I should go.
No, no, no.
I'll go.
That would be better.
I told the guys I'd meet them after I left here, so, you guys, you enjoy yourself, and I'll see you tomorrow.
Michael! Mikey! Look at you.
You look great.
Hey, Charlie's here.
And there's a condom.
Guys, guys, we gotta work tomorrow.
I don't think the mayor would be too happy if he knew did someone say party? Caitlin.
I was up half the night.
I have a new theory on getting the window open.
Let's try again, but this time without your old boyfriend and the entire city hall staff.
Charlie, you can't force a moment like we had.
Romance has to be spontaneous.
Look, I'm not good at this.
All I know is I'm a man, you're a woman.
Let's do stuff.
And you say you're not good at this.
You're being unrealistic about this romance stuff.
I'm telling you, guys just aren't like that.
So I take her for this romantic walk on the beach.
I mean, there's a breeze, there's these wildflowers, two doves, two white doves, just floating in lazy circles above us.
It was the perfect romantic moment.
You should wear a bell around your neck so I know where you are.
Mike, I've never seen you looking so happy and relaxed.
Well, you know what? It's Allison.
It's Allison.
I think of her, and I just smile.
Okay, see that? So when do we get to meet her? Uh, you can't.
She's gone.
What do you mean? Well, she works for the world wildlife fund, so she's going on a 6-month trip tomorrow, and I gotta go back to Washington, so, you know, it just can't work.
Mike, we know you.
You can make anything work.
For God's sake, you made Paul work.
How could you just let her go? PAUL: What if she's the one? What if you spend the rest of your life searching and you never find anyone as perfect as her? Okay, where the hell were you guys when I said goodbye to her? It's no big deal.
Just call her, tell her you made a mistake.
I can't.
I mean, I know she's in town, but I have no idea where she's staying.
We'll help you find her, right, guys? Absolutely.
We'll check hotels.
I'll start with the four seasons.
Oh, they have a great Sushi bar.
Oh, it's been so long since I had great Sushi.
No, no, no, they have a scallop roll unbelievable! Oh, that is my favorite.
Let's go eat.
Can I still fire them? She sounds great, Mike.
I'm really happy for you.
If it wasn't for my relationship with you, there's no way I'd be a good enough person for her.
Oh, that's such a nice thing to say.
Did you hear the way Mike was talking about Allison? That's the way a romance should start.
Oh, come on, you can't go by Mike.
No guy is that romantic.
To your beauty.
These guys are killing me.
Oh, excuse us.
Oh, no, Charlie, Caitlin, stay.
Uh, judge Simmons and I were just, um, testing the wine that they serve inmates with their last meals.
Oh, yes, I think they'll enjoy this.
Because nothing complements a lethal injection like a nice Merlot.
It's nice to see both of you again.
I'll call you later, Mr.
mayor? Your honor, what kind of food will the Prisoners be having tonight? Well, there's one special prisoner I'd like to invite over for a homemade lasagna.
But will the prisoner have access to the parking garage so his limo doesn't get scratched again? You want the lasagna, be there at 8:00.
Okay? Bye.
Sir, we know you're dating judge Simmons.
You don't have to hide it.
Really? Because it would be great if I didn't have to keep coming up with these clever covers, like this inmate thing.
Yeah.
That'd be great for all of us.
It's good for your image to be seen with a woman like judge Simmons.
And don't be afraid to show her a little affection in public.
The voters like that.
When you're with someone, it makes you seem more desirable.
That may be true, but I've always had a certain quality that women find irresistible.
You're filthy rich? That would be it.
Yeah, I need to know if your hotel has a guest named Allison Wright, and I'm short on time.
What? A beautiful speaking voice? Why, thank you.
You know, in high school I did toy with the idea of going into acting.
Tell me, do you have an Allison Wright there? No.
Okay.
Listen, tell me, do you have a brunch special there? [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Hello.
Oh, hey, Mike.
Let me put you on speaker.
Any luck? No.
I've been to six museums, four department stores, even the zoo.
I'm getting desperate here.
Mike, it's Stuart.
I had a police sketch artist draw a picture of Allison.
Well, if it's from your description, I'm guessing it's a picture of Daisy Fuentes in a wet t-shirt.
Ah, you think you know me, but That's wet, all right.
Keep us posted, Mike.
Caitlin, I wanted to apologize.
With all the commotion around here, I haven't had a chance to make jokes about you and Charlie.
That's all right.
No, it isn't.
You count on me for juvenile humor and I've let you down.
But I want you to know, I'm working on a variation of the old "Charlie and Caitlin sitting in a tree" thing.
I don't want to spoil it, but I won't be spelling "kissing.
" I'm gonna go over here now.
Caitlin.
These are for you.
Charlie, those are the mayor's flowers.
Not anymore.
Now they're yours.
Romantic, huh? It's cute the way you're trying so hard.
Hey, the mayor's on TV.
REPORTER: Mr.
mayor, Mr.
mayor, a picture.
The voters should like this.
Ah, that's sweet.
CARTER: Ah, he's looking good.
Whoa! Oh, my God.
I said a little affection, not cinemax after midnight.
We've got a problem.
Some guy just called complaining about the mayor groping judge Simmons in public.
How could it be a problem? It's 2001.
Well, it was her husband.
That's one way.
What do you mean she's only technically married? She's separated, but her husband hasn't signed the divorce papers yet.
I had no idea.
Claire said she didn't tell me, well, because she didn't want to complicate the beginnings of our relationship.
Why would a guy not sign divorce papers? Is he trying to set a record for most years married with no sex? Well, if he is, he should know the road to that record goes through me.
Well, separated or not, the press is going to run with this.
We've got to get her husband to sign those papers.
Get on that for me, Ringo.
Oh, because of my suit.
I'll have you know that this is the height of fashion.
Yeah, if you're an 18th century spice merchant.
What are you doing? Oh, I was just wondering what you had planned next a big heart-shaped box of chocolates, a giant stuffed Teddy bear? Or maybe Paul dressed up like cupid.
Real nice.
Make fun of the intimacy gimp.
And I may not know what romance is, but I do not it's not Paul wearing little wings and a diaper.
Too late, Paul.
So, you want me to sign my divorce papers so the mayor can date Claire without causing a scandal? That's how it lays out, sport.
Here's a little tip she used to love the way I nibbled on her ears.
Sir, I am a gentleman, and I'd prefer that you behave like one, too.
Thank you.
Nibble Ears Look, if you don't sign those papers, this whole thing is going to turn into one big media frenzy.
Funny.
That's exactly what my publisher said.
Your publisher? I've decided to write a book about all this.
It should come out, uh, right before the election.
Come on.
You don't really want to do that.
Don't try to talk him out of it.
Let him write his trashy book.
Hand it out at the polls.
We don't care.
Actually, we do care.
You know what? I'll even help.
I'll write a chapter called "I haven't had an orgasm since 1992.
" Last night was really close.
Really close! If you'll excuse me I have a lot of writing to do.
I can't believe I married that guy.
Don't let this upset you, Claire.
The important thing right now is that we take the high road.
You're right.
I won't stoop to his level.
Bye.
That's my girl.
I'll call you.
She's a pistol.
Sir, being involved with a married woman is going to be a tough sell to the voters.
I hate to say this, but I think you have to stop seeing her.
Charlie, this is the first good relationship I've had in years.
Claire is beautiful, intelligent, caring.
Come on, be a guy, hook me up.
Launching a campaign during a scandal like this is suicide.
I disagree.
In this day and age, voters are very forgiving.
Then why is the mayor's approval rating down eight points since the story broke? I say we ride it out.
And I respect the mayor for being so committed to a woman, and I think the voters will, too.
Sir, as mayor, you're able to help millions of people.
We can't jeopardize that.
Oh, damn it, Charlie, I know you're right.
There are other fish in the sea, sir.
Well, that may be so, but Claire is a very special fish.
Yes, but you are a very skilled fisherman.
Don't try to change the subject.
Hey, Mike.
Hey, Charlie.
Two more.
So, how's it going? Not so well.
I told the mayor to be a little more affectionate with his girlfriend in public, and he made out with her and grabbed her ass on TV.
You saw that on the news? No, I worked with the guy for five years.
I didn't know that was his "go to" move.
You get him around a pretty woman, he's on her like a schnauzer on a pant leg.
So how'd you handle it? I told him he had to stop seeing her.
You'd have made the same call, right? Absolutely, that's what I would have done.
But see, that was my problem.
I was always putting work in front of relationships.
See, my priorities were all screwed up.
I don't know if they're screwed up.
You know how it is.
Sometimes relationships have to take a back seat.
So how do you like being deputy mayor? Oh, it's great, it's great.
You get all the stress of being mayor without the burden of credit, money, and power.
No, seriously, it's been a real second chance for me.
Yeah, you know, I heard about your exploits down in Washington.
You gotta tell me this did you really yes.
Whatever it is, I'm sure I did it.
I tell you, you got quite the legacy around here.
My first month all I heard was, "Mike's brilliant.
"Mike's a tough negotiator.
Mike's the sweetest boy with the cutest button nose.
" I told my mom not to call you.
Not that you need it, but if I was gonna give you any advice, this is it, okay? Keep the mayor happy.
If he's happy, the rest of it just falls into place.
I'll keep that in mind.
I'm glad we talked.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, Charlie? Yeah.
Our knees are touching.
What should we do? On the count of three, I say we just swivel.
Nice.
You should all be very proud of yourselves for winning the city championship.
[CHEERING.]
The lessons that you learn on the field of play will help you throughout your entire lives.
And remember, kids, enjoy this now, because win or lose, more than half of you are going to end up divorced and alone.
Sir.
Hmm? Oh, hey, Charlie.
Just giving them the old knute rockne.
I heard.
Very inspirational.
What's up? Don't break things off with Claire.
Date her, be seen with her, whatever you want.
What about the election? It'll make things tougher, but so what? We'll just work harder.
Claire makes you happy, and that's all that matters.
Thank you, Charlie.
And trust me, with Claire by my side, I'll be a better candidate, more focused than ever.
I'll see you Monday.
Uh, today's Wednesday.
Yeah, I know.
I am proud to say that yes, judge Simmons and I do have a personal relationship.
Legally she's still married, but come on, people, let's be realistic about this her marriage was finished when she got separated over a year ago.
Now it's just paperwork.
REPORTER: Judge Simmons, anything to add? I'd simply like to thank the mayor for his dignified handling of this delicate matter.
Thank you.
Okay.
We'll just change the campaign slogan to "Winston loves new yorkers One at a time.
" Charlie, I'm proud of you.
That was a very sweet thing you did for the mayor.
You're a real softie.
Don't get carried away.
I realized it'd be tough to win with a depressed mayor.
My decision was 99% political.
And one percent sweet? Maybe one percent sweet, and sweet byproducts.
Well, I, uh, I find that one percent Very attractive.
Actually, when I run the numbers through my head, the sweet part comes out closer to 20%.
Really? I like 20%.
Then you're gonna love this, because it was 100% sweet.
Do you hear that? Hear what? I think it's the sound of a window opening.
The window's open? Yes.
It's because I did the right thing for the mayor, right? I was like a sensitive guy, and that turns you on shh, shh.
Don't analyze it.
Just go with it.
Guess what! Mike found Allison! Oh, Mike, really, that's great.
And that's not even the best part.
Go ahead, tell her, Mike.
He proposed! They're getting married.
Wow, Carter, that was amazing.
I didn't even feel my lips move.
Sorry, Mike.
Congratulations.
Oh, what the hell? Let's let's let's go celebrate.
They're just killing me.
Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
(BARKING) Moo.