Black-ish (2014) s06e02 Episode Script

1 DRE: After taking the risk of not going to college, Junior was doing pretty good for himself.
So, now when he comes over with his new roommates, it's actually nice.
Hey! What's up? - Hey! - Hi, guys! - What's going on, young fella? - Hi.
Junior was finally taking after me.
For the first time in his life, he was cool.
I could see myself hanging out with Junior in public.
I'd be willing to take pictures and everything.
- I have to confess - Mm-hmm? I am so proud of the man that Junior has become.
- So am I! - I know, I know! - Two Black friends at the same time? - Two.
Two! Oh, we've waited for this! - Whew.
- Uh, hey, babe? - Yeah.
- I bought some bubbly water yesterday.
- Did you move it? - Unh-unh.
- Look behind the orange juice.
- I can't.
There isn't any orange juice.
- What? - There isn't any cheese, - and the soy sauce is missing.
- Unh-unh.
I bought soy sauce yesterday, babe.
Wait a minute.
Baby, there's there's no cereal, there's no honey.
What? And is the sponge missing? Where's the soap? Where's the where's the Baby, check the laundry room.
Okay, okay, okay, I'm checking.
There's nothing down here! The only thing in here is a sock and dryer lint.
Where'd everything go? Every day I'm hustling, hustling, hustling It was an "Ocean's Eleven" -style set up from the jump.
- [Watch beeps.]
- And his boys were in on it.
Hey, guys! Those friendly smiles were just to disarm us.
Every day I'm hustling Who you suckers think you're tripping with? Yes, I'm the boss It was an inside job.
Junior knew exactly where we kept all the stuff broke kids never buy.
Toilet paper, canned goods, cinnamon.
We keep on coming back I'm into distribution I'm like Atlantic They basically grabbed the kitchen by the ankle and shook it.
I know Pablo - Pablo - Noriega The real Noriega, he owe me a hundred favors - I've got to give it up to them, - Every day I'm hustling - they were smooth.
- Every day I'm hustling Babe! We've been jacked! - When did they go upstairs? - I don't know.
My in-shower moisturizing gel is missing.
Do you know what that means? That your feet are gonna cut me in the night? No, that means they went "in shower"! How did they know I wasn't up there naked? Because you were down here.
- I still feel violated.
- Okay.
They took the dried mangos.
Oh, no, man, nah.
That wasn't part of the deal.
What are you talking about? [Sighs.]
I wasn't gonna snitch, but now I'm eating plantain chips like a jerk, so screw it.
Junior lost his job with the Migos.
- What? - [Door closes.]
He can tell you.
You lost your job? They took the mangos, didn't they? Ya think? I swear Hey, Junior, when did this happen? Uh Like, a couple of weeks ago, I guess.
I mean, there wasn't really any paperwork.
Offset kind of just walked up to me and said, "Whomp, whomp," and patted me on the back.
So, you were lying to us? Well, I thought I was gonna find something else by now.
But I have not.
So you steal my almond-oil moisturizing gel? How am I supposed to exfoliate my back, son? With my hands? Like the cavemen did?! Okay, feels like you guys are putting out an energy that says I should give you some space, so I'm gonna be out by the pool.
The pool is for people who live here, and you chose not to live here.
But, Mom, I'm I'm trying Junior, you made a decision.
You said you could handle the real world, so it seems like you shouldn't be swimming, and you should be working on your life.
And you will learn that an in-shower moisturizer is a working man's pleasure.
Get out of here, Junior.
Go.
[Sighs.]
Look at you and me, on the same page for an old-fashioned Junior takedown.
- [Laughs.]
- Ah! You had my back.
Mm.
Even though it's not exfoliated.
Earl, you need to hear this.
If this is about that "Hamilton" soundtrack, I'll say it one more time everyone doesn't have to like everything.
Jack, tell the old man what you told me.
- I had this crazy dream last night.
- Mm-hmm.
So, I'm at a Lakers game, and LeBron was wearing the number 12.
- That's not his number.
- Exactly! And then I saw there were 12 people on the court.
And then there were 12 people in the stands, which is not enough people.
That's a lot of 12s.
Earl, you know what this means? I think he's got The Gift.
You mean The Gift? - What is this "gift"? - RUBY: Okay.
In my family, every few generations, there's someone who has the gift for predicting the future.
The last one to have it was my Aunt Georgia.
She predicted the Miracle on Ice.
I was the first Black man to make money off hockey.
There's your headstone.
All right, Earl, now, you need to take this, find Loose Craig, and put it all on 12.
I ain't played the ponies or the numbers in weeks.
I'm off gambling.
Lynette has me wanting to be a better man.
Not just on the inside.
On the outside, where the laws are.
Earl, come on, think of the good times! I'm sorry, Ruby, I can't do it.
All right, suit yourself.
I'll find Loose Craig on my own.
- All right? - All right.
Is he still selling those phone cases down at the swap meet? - How am I supposed to know? - Ah, yeah, I'll find him.
So, we sent Junior home.
Then I sent him a picture of me in the pool just to rub it in.
Charlie, I don't even know how to swim.
[Both laugh.]
I tell you, all that chlorine, it'll it'll change you.
I remember when I first started living on my own.
I had four roommates, man.
My bedroom was a closet.
There were weeks that I survived on nothing but a pound of burger meat and two cans of beans.
Well, aren't you fancy? - [Chuckles.]
- Beans and meat? Yes.
All I had was toast.
- Damn.
- Yeah.
Makes you appreciate it when you finally make it, though.
- [Laughs.]
Yeah, it does.
- Uh-huh.
[Toaster pops.]
Oh! [Laughs.]
Yeah, I'm glad those days are way, way, way, way behind us.
[Both chuckling.]
- Must suck to be Junior, huh? - Ah, sure does.
Yeah, he isn't gonna know what's coming at him.
No, he doesn't.
Yeah, he's gonna crash and burn, stop that Johnson generational wealth right in its tracks.
Okay, Charlie, Junior is not going to crash and burn, okay? He is going to grow and learn, like us.
No, he is not.
Junior didn't grow up broke.
He's a tender bird.
Like one of those penguins whose parents die so it gets nursed to adulthood by humans until they think he's big enough to go out on his own.
So they set him free on the ice, and then a seal eats him on day one, then Morgan Freeman tells us it's just the way of the world and we shouldn't cry.
[Voice breaking.]
But Morgan doesn't know my emotions.
O Okay.
Uh Junior isn't ready, Dre! You got to protect that boy! You got to save him in a way that Morgan couldn't save Pongo.
Who? They fed him out of a baby bottle, Dre! - Okay.
- Like like, why would you why would you do that? Excuse me.
So, Charlie made me think that perhaps Junior wasn't prepared for a life of syrup sandwiches.
Which is why I invited him over to give him a few pointers to help him survive life on the ice.
You know, now that I don't have a job, how am I supposed to buy furniture? Hey, man, if you got milk crates and plywood, you got furniture.
- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.
What's a milk crate? - [Door opens.]
- Bad news for your fantasy team, Dre! What? I did surgery on your running back.
Mm.
What is he doing here? Um he's just hanging out.
Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure, babe.
- Okay.
[Clears throat.]
Excuse me, son.
I thought we were on the same page, Dre.
[Sniffs.]
For fun, um, could you remind me what page that is again? The one that says that he will not treat our home - like the Four Seasons.
- Okay.
We should be bucking him up, not giving him room service.
- Okay, okay, same page.
- Thank you.
- United front.
- Thank you so much.
All right.
Uh, son.
- Mm-hmm? - Uh, thank you for coming by for this short visit that's ending with you still broke and hungry.
- Oh, cool.
- Okay.
All right.
Yeah, all right.
Thank you, man.
- Is that cash? - Huh?! Oh, my God.
Really? Babe! Okay! Okay, babe, I'm sorry, it's the boy's fault! Man, how do you mess up the dap cash pass, huh? How do you pay your barber? Venmo.
What? Junior, get out of here! Get out of here, Junior! Get out! Get out!! I thought we agreed about how we were gonna handle this.
Babe, I was talking to Charlie That's not how convincing arguments start.
Junior is not built for this.
What? You bought organic his entire life.
One package of Top Ramen is gonna send his body into shock.
I know what happens to young men who don't have a lot of boundaries.
- Mm-hmm.
- Look at my brother Johan.
He still thinks that hitchhiking is a legitimate form of transportation.
Mm-hmm.
We got to hold the line with Junior.
- We got to hold the line, babe.
- Okay, babe, I - I will hold the line.
- Thank you.
I will no longer love Junior.
- Dre - Huh.
Well, that went down easy.
All leather, all day.
Look at that.
Top, bottom, and inside.
Hey! Each panel from an Italian cow raised on wine and Sinatra.
[Chuckles.]
Damn, these fakes are getting real good.
Is this a Doobey and Durke? How dare you besmirch a gift from The Gift? - [Chuckles.]
- Jack's dream number hit.
Wait, my magic got Grandma a purse? Oh, honey, not just a purse.
Look at that.
Hey! Well, damn.
So, Jack got lucky once.
- Stop hating.
- I Listen to me.
Did you have another dream last night? JACK: I did.
Okay, so, look, I'm a giant hot dog.
Mustard, ketchup I'm talking the works.
So no one's gonna say anything.
I'm the jerk? Okay, look at this.
Look at this.
There are three horses in this race named after hot dogs.
Oscar Mayer, Weiner's Circle, and Pork 'n' Beans.
Now, with three horses, you could win the The Trifecta! I could pay for the wedding with this! Yeah, and not have to have a cash bar.
Nope.
Nope.
I'm living clean.
If you need me for something else, I'll be in the back having a drink.
So, for the sake of my son, I needed to treat him like a stranger.
Unfortunately, Junior still knows where I work.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Well, you know, I haven't been to the office in a while, and I just wanted to say what's up to the crew.
[Chuckles.]
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, guys! Hey! Why didn't we deactivate his passcard, huh? Who do I need to fire? Look, I'm having an emergency.
My car has a flat, and I just need to borrow a little cash to fix it.
Son, you know I can't do that.
You're an adult now, and it's up to you to handle it.
Hey, but in doing so, you might find out that you're a lot stronger - than what you think.
- Wow.
You know, I thought I needed a sandwich, but it turns out I just needed one of your pep talks.
Bring it in, big guy.
All right, hey.
You know the way out.
Man alive, Dre.
Your son has that "I just got cut off" look.
Like when my second wife realized there wouldn't be another ferry off the island.
Yeah.
You know what? Bow and I decided - not to give him any more handouts.
- Mm.
But I worry about Junior.
Oh, my God.
Am I worried about Junior? Oh, wait, I have an idea.
Okay, you know, there's a a tiny social media project that just came across my desk.
Too small for us, but Junior, I think, would be great for it.
Hmm.
I, too, have a lot of work that I don't feel like doing and could perhaps benefit your son's journey.
- Okay.
- For example, my gutters.
That driver's test.
Finding out how far behind I am with work as Dean of a local university Charlie's crazy, but Josh's idea to give Junior a leg up instead of a handout just might be the thing to keep Bow and me on the same page.
Hey, babe, I fixed Junior.
All right? There's this client at work that has this terrible project, and I'm gonna help him get it so we don't have to worry anymore.
When are you gonna stop helping Junior? Oh, see, babe, I'm not "helping" helping.
[Stammering.]
Like It's like we're moving a table, right? And you're wondering if I'm even lifting up my side.
Don't you see that he's playing you, Dre? We're in a position to ease the way for him, Bow.
This is what progress looks like.
No, Dre.
This is kicking off a lifetime of laziness.
So, what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and do nothing? That's what I've been telling you to do the whole time.
Well, I don't think I can do that.
- Oh, my God.
- We've always said we would do whatever it takes to help support our kids, and now that he actually needs our help, you want to abandon him? [Doorbell rings.]
[Sighs.]
Who is this? - Ahh - Oh.
Ah.
Hey, guys! You might want to come take a look at something.
[Snoring.]
Are you happy now? He's homeless.
Yeah.
I am.
Oh, I see! It's just your son sleeping in the car like a homeless person, not an actual homeless person.
Okay.
Okay, I got to go amend my NextDoor post because I [imitates typing.]
I went crazy on you guys.
So, son, how did you end up sleeping in your car? Uh, so, it's a long story.
JUNIOR: I got a parking ticket, which wasn't my first.
[Sighs.]
Then I had to use my rent money to get that boot off, which led to Rickey and Isaiah kicking me out.
And since I didn't want to hit you up anymore, I decided to sleep in my car.
Like a man.
[Whispering.]
Hello, 911? It's Janine again.
Yeah, we've got a situation.
No, I promise this time it's real.
And Black.
So, I guess it wasn't that long of a story.
Well, I'm gonna get caught up with your mother.
Head upstairs and take a shower.
Whew.
Thanks.
I need it.
You know, there are some things that you cannot wash in a sink.
- DRE: Bow? - Mm-hmm.
What the hell is going on? You're happy that your son is on the street? Your smile was bigger than Janine's.
Yeah, he needs this so he can hit rock bottom.
He's sleeping in his car.
How much more rock bottom do you need? I don't know, maybe he spends a couple more nights in his car, and he will regret not having gone to college.
So that's what this is about.
Hmm? Because he didn't go to college, you're rooting for him to fail.
Dre, I'm not rooting for him to fail.
I just want him to struggle to the point that things don't work out for him, and his stupid hopes and dreams are crushed.
Mm.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
I'm rooting for him to fail.
Mm-hmm.
[Sighs.]
That's not me.
I know.
That's you.
I know, and it's so weird.
That's very weird.
My God.
Are you okay, babe? I'm worried, Dre.
I'm worried that he's throwing everything away that he worked for, everything that we worked for.
Mm-hmm.
All for some dream that I do not understand at all, and he's he's struggling through it all.
You got to let that go.
You can't control his decisions.
But they scare me.
Don't you think it's scarier being 19 years old, feeling your parents don't support you? [Sighs.]
My God.
[Character screeching.]
No! What?! Hey, Jack, there you are! Hey, listen, I've been thinking.
You had any more of them crazy dream leads lately? I I thought you didn't gamble anymore, Pops? Yeah, that's what I thought, too, but since you got The Gift, it's not really gambling, it's more like an investment.
I don't know if I'd trust a hedge fund managed by Loose Craig.
You know, you need to go ahead and play that video game, little girl.
Now, listen, go ahead, take a little cat nap, and if it helps at all, I'm looking for something that's related to the Broncos laying 6 1/2.
Well, I'm in.
- Uh, just let me get some NyQuil.
- My man.
RUBY: Jack, don't bother.
It was all a fluke, Earl.
I lost big on those horses.
They didn't win, place, or show.
Pork 'n' Beans never even made it to the starting gate.
Just ran wild through the beer garden.
Wait, they didn't win? What happened? You don't have The Gift, baby.
Hey.
If you don't have The Gift, that means I almost made a terrible mistake.
Yep.
You could've blown up your relationship with Lynette over nothing.
Oh, I got to go call her.
Let her know I was thinking about her.
Yeah, you do that.
Now, Jack, this is very important.
Don't you ever tell your dreams to anyone again.
- You hear me? - That's cool.
Not like I was super excited about it.
Oh, uh, if you will excuse me, I have to go call Mason and tell him it's safe for him to go to the zoo again.
I knew The Gift wasn't real.
You sure? Because sometimes, there's more magic in the world than you know.
Dang, Grandma! So, if I looked up the names of those horses, would I see that they won? You could, but just know sometimes the best way to love someone is to lie to 'em.
Oh, yeah.
Nice bracelet.
If you have to smell it, it's dirty.
Don't worry, I'm not taking anything.
And I've convinced my roommates to let me sleep upright at the kitchen table.
Junior, I just wanted to come down here to tell you that I love you, and I support you unconditionally.
I know it may not seem like it because it has been really, really hard for me to wrap my head around your decisions of late, but I wanted you to hear it from me.
Okay? Okay, Mom.
And I know I've let you down a lot lately.
And I put all of my eggs into a no-college basket, and I kind of just kicked that basket right down the stairs, which was really stupid, because I just put all of my eggs into that basket, and I really need those eggs, Mom, because I believe in myself, but things, they could go terribly.
They could go so bad.
I mean, like "starting to take SATs for rich kids" bad.
Okay, okay, okay.
Come here, sweetie.
Oh, it's okay.
It's okay, honey.
I love you.
Okay? Thanks, Mom.
You can stay here until you get on your feet.
Because that way you can focus on all of the great things that I know you are gonna accomplish.
Okay.
But I promise I'm only gonna stay here for a little bit.
And while I'm here, I'm gonna pay rent.
Okay.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh okay.
I I kind of just thought that was gonna be a slide-by.
- [Laughs.]
- You know you know, when I, like, reach for the check, but - you know I'm not gonna get it, right? - Right.
[Both laugh.]
- I get it.
- Right? Cash, check, Venmo, whatever's easiest, okay? All right, sweetie.
I love you, honey.
Well, I'm screwed.
Why are you in my fridge, playboy? [Chuckles.]
Oh, you ain't heard? I live here now.
What? Yeah.
Mom patched things up with her special boy.
Seems real happy about it, too.
But we had you out.
Shh.
Might want to talk to your girl about that.
Oh, and by the way, here's the rent, playboy.
$50 wouldn't even pay for my moisturizer! Now that he lives here, I kind of hate him again.
Whoo! We're back.