Gossip Girl s06e02 Episode Script
High Infidelity
Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
I need your passion for social upheaval to help me write the book about the Upper East Side.
Don't just stand there.
Start typing.
Real names this time, no holding back.
Everyone gets exposed.
I have decided to retire.
That's why I want you to take over my company.
I didn't realize how much I missed it, but now that I'm back and I'm with you, New York has never seemed more perfect.
I think it's really brave, you deciding to run "The Spectator" on your own.
No investors, no partners.
Wait.
Are you here to freak me out or write a paper on on my paper? You father gave it to me to keep quiet.
For that amount of money, you must know a hell of a secret.
I swear I don't know what it is, but I'm willing to stick around to find out.
Sorry for dropping in after hours, but I was walking by, and I saw that your office light was on.
Would you like to have a drink with me? And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
Up and at 'em, upper east siders.
It's important to start your day right.
Seems like you were already up.
Yeah.
Thanks to you, I've been up all week.
Five more minutes.
Mm.
We might need a little longer.
There's nothing worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed I thought we agreed you'd stop watching me sleep.
I lied.
I'm letting you stay here for free.
There has to be something in it for me.
Except maybe waking up alone.
Dorota! Why did you let me sleep?! It's "W.
W.
D.
" Day! We have to take the fashion world by storm.
First, it's breakfast, then shower, then to the atelier.
I can hardly wait to see what today brings.
I'm booked on the 7:00 flight to Dubai.
Please, just a little more time.
We've spent all week pouring over the notes of every meeting I interpreted for Bart.
There's nothing, Chuck.
Look, I know the reason my father faked his death has something to do with this hotel deal.
It has to be here.
We looked.
It's not.
Then why would he lie about being in Dubai? Why would all the negotiations happen completely off the books? Why would he pay you $10 million not to ask any of these questions? If he's hiding something, I don't know what.
I'm sorry.
I need to get home to my fiancé.
There's nothing more I can do.
You could come to brunch.
With Bart? That sounds dangerous.
You won't have to say a word.
Just smile while I drop a few names to see how he reacts.
Then you can take your money and go.
You know, I was a very punctual person before I met you.
Well, any way I can convince you to be fashionably late to my gala tonight? I know you have the Crowdrise event, but maybe after? Nah, I'd love to, but this thing's been booked for months, and who knows how long it'll go? I don't want to say "maybe" and then disappoint you.
How could you disappoint me when you did so much work to get me on the board in the first place? I know what a big deal the Central Park Conservancy is.
When my mom was finally asked to host, she made it seem like it was more important than being the mayor.
Well, now that you're hosting, it definitely is.
Tonight marks the start of a whole new era.
Serena takes Manhattan.
Ohh.
An adult Manhattan.
I couldn't be happier to leave my old life behind.
Well, just don't leave me, even if I can't make it tonight.
Mmm.
The renovation is complete.
Fabric is all from swatches you choose.
Your mother's vintage designs on display.
And this area can be showroom or waiting room, parties or meetings.
Form follows function.
And in here Miss Blair's private office.
This is divine.
This is so me.
Oh! This "Women's Wear Daily" article could make or break me as the new head of Waldorf.
And the atelier is the perfect backdrop.
All these years of folding my sweaters and fluffing my pillows has really paid off.
You've developed taste! Yes.
Oh.
Miss Blair's new samples looks lovely.
And I glad office is up to snuff.
But I I worry if "W.
W.
D.
" will ask, "where are the designers, seamstresses, and models?" It is unfortunate that my mother's Paris team declined to follow me back to New York, but not to worry.
While you were paint and papering, I came up with a plan.
Hello, ladies! Get ready to assume your roles.
Go get dressed for success.
Your sofa might be chic, but my neck is not happy with this kink.
Would you prefer the kink of watching your father do it with fake Charlie again? No, I did not watch.
I got the hell out before they saw me.
The image is still burnt right here.
To think that I used to consider Brooklyn a moral high ground.
Now that my father's fallen off his pedestal, I'm free of such delusions.
Your loss of faith in humanity turns me on, as does the fact that your book was rejected by Simon & Shuster and you were dropped by your agent.
I still don't get why they didn't want it.
They sent me to Italy to write "Inside Part Two," and this time I delivered a real story with real names.
Raw, hard facts.
Please say "raw" and "hard" again.
Who cares about Alessandra and the entire lit set? They're just book nerds.
Revenge is a dish best served serialized, one delicious chapter at a time.
Once we find the right magazine, and everyone starts talking, then the book offers will come in.
Then the movie, and then the Broadway musical.
Check your calendar.
We have meetings all afternoon.
Yeah, well, I got an errand to run.
I'll see ya at "Vanity Fair.
" Can't wait to start burning bridges together.
Well, thank you for accepting our invitation for brunch, Charles.
You know how important it is to me that we make an effort as a family.
Of course.
And I do want you both to get to know Amira.
Did I mention she speaks seven languages, including body? Numerous times.
Micro-expressions, vocal shifts.
We get it.
She's "The Mentalist" Eat a crêpe.
So how did you two get together? It's a tale as old as time.
Boy meets girl, girl falls for boy and shares her deepest and darkest secrets.
Chuck exaggerates.
Um, we both found ourselves admiring the fish-tank at Ossiano.
A classic meet-cute and quite ordinary, I'm afraid.
Amira was attending a business dinner with Khalid Al-Saleh.
You must know him, father.
He's big in middle east real estate.
He's developed a few hotels.
Doesn't ring a bell.
Really? Because Amira says he knew you.
I doubt very much that Amira discusses her work with you.
She seems like an intelligent woman who understands that her livelihood, if not her life itself, depends on her discretion.
If you'll excuse me, I should confirm my flight for tonight.
You certainly scared her off.
Yeah, I think I'm done also.
I have a meeting with Bruce Kaplan to find out if Bass Industries is finally bouncing back after your reign.
Charles, I know you're upset that your father took his company back, but give him a chance.
He did risk his life to save yours.
And he's not the man he used to be.
Yes, 7:00.
That's right.
Perfect.
Thank you.
What the hell do you think you're doing? I paid you a lot of money to leave the country.
I'm sorry.
Chuck insisted that I come here today.
Well, I insist you go.
Our weekend together has cost me enough.
Don't make me warn you again.
Chuck, I think it's time to go.
What am I supposed to be? I'm torn between nurse and cafeteria worker.
You are a seamstress, whom I will publicly shame with my artistic temperament.
And, Kati, you are a crazed fan, begging to borrow a limited edition.
Dorota! When the reporter arrives, you will wheel out the dresses with a grand flourish.
Reaction to clothes is what really counts.
If article is negative, could poison perception of whole line and jeopardize future of Waldorf Designs.
Kati, start your adulation right now.
O.
M.
G.
Nelly Yuki.
Great! Maybe she knows how to sew.
She lost her status as a minion when she stole my spot at Yale.
She knows better than to beg for reinstatement.
Hi, Blair.
"Hi"? No "hi.
" Go! Before the "Women's Wear Daily" reporter shows up and thinks that I consort with fake Dior-carrying wannabes.
Actually, this bag was a personal gift from Raf after I wrote an article on him.
After you Uh-huh.
That's right, Blair.
I'm the "Women's Wear Daily" reporter.
Thanks for picking up my check in person.
It means a lot for "The Spectator" to sponsor the same event as "The Times".
Well, I'm glad you wanna be involved.
Just do me a favor and please don't invite Blair.
Have you even told her that you're back yet? This is a long time for you to be mad at Blair just for being Blair.
I'm not mad.
I'm maturing.
We're just naturally growing apart.
You know, being with Steven has really helped me to understand who I wanna be.
I hope you find someone like that, too.
You never know.
I might have.
What?! Wait.
Who?! I met a girl.
Her name's Sage.
She's a Columbia journalism student.
She's funny.
She's smart.
I just but it's all very new, so I I can't talk about it.
Whoa! Shy smile, reluctant eye contact? I think I've seen enough.
You really like her.
Keep the change.
You're gonna love this place.
What, you can't even look at me? No, no, no.
I'm not not looking at you.
I'm looking at her with your boyfriend.
It really is so good to see you.
You said that already.
Twice.
Blair, please.
Please let me wear one of your exclusive designs.
You're supposed to be the seamstress.
Oh.
Go help Dorota make tea, both of you.
Welcome back, Nelly! I see nothing's changed around here since high school.
Except you.
You look so presentable.
Yes.
Once I got into Yale, I realized I didn't have to dress like you anymore.
So let's see your line.
It's not here.
Shipping snafu en route from Paris.
You're lying.
If I were, it would only be to protect Waldorf Designs from your biased opinion of me, which is based on nothing but good, clean high school fun.
I still have night terrors about nairtinis and yogurt bombs.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night shouting, "tights are not pants!" But I am not biased.
I play fair.
That's why I got into Yale, and you didn't.
Oh.
Did I mention I graduated early? Send another reporter.
It's my story.
And look on the bright side.
No matter what I write, readers can see the pictures of your collection next to Poppy Lifton's and decide for themselves.
Poppy? That Ponzi-scheming fauxcialite? The only designing she is doing is with popsicle sticks in the arts and crafts room of a women's prison.
She's a thief.
Blair, that was so four years ago.
My article is called "Society goes sartorial," and it profiles two designers, you and her.
We're not photographing anything until tomorrow, so you have until then to decide if you wanna be included.
Stop eavesdropping and get in here! I need recon on Poppy Lifton's collection now.
Hey, it's me.
Leave a message.
Hey, Sage, it's Nate.
Listen, I've had a lot of fun this week.
Buy you know what? I'm done.
Have a nice life.
Why did you just do that? It's too crazy of a coincidence that your Sage and my Steven are seeing each other.
Well, we could have completely the wrong idea.
I doubt it.
I've had way too many girls talk me back into relationships I wanted out of.
Just like you run away from too many guys you didn't want to confront with the truth.
I mean, maybe it's time we start doing things a little bit differently.
You're right.
We've just made terrible relationship choices.
Or as Patti Stanger would say, our pickers are broken.
Are you really quoting the millionaire matchmaker? As if you don't watch it.
Ah.
It's true.
If I really wanna be mature, I should just calmly ask Steven to explain.
On the phone.
Good luck with that.
All right, I've gotta get back to the office.
But, uh, I'll see you tonight.
Sorry.
I'll have to call you back.
Did you have an affair with Amira? I spent a weekend with her.
Years ago, after I suspected you had been with Rufus.
But I apologize.
That's no excuse.
No.
However, it explains why she's extorting money from you.
You overheard us talking.
It seemed a small price to ensure that my old behavior didn't get in the way of our new relationship.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate your honesty.
Um, I can't imagine how Charles will feel when he finds out about his girlfriend's agenda.
I suspect that's why he's brought her here.
One second.
Serena.
Hi.
Hi.
I didn't expect to hear from you today.
How is the party planning? Uh, good, I think.
Is everything okay? Uh, are you seeing someone else? Um, it's it's okay if you are, because, you know, we never really defined things over the summer.
Well, we didn't have to define things.
We moved in together.
I know, but, you know, that was in the country.
And, you know, maybe you have something going on here that's a little complicated.
I mean, I would understand if you do, but but just please tell me the truth.
I'm not seeing anyone else.
But I have to get back to my meeting, so I'll call you later.
Nate.
Thanks for calling, man.
Serena's intervention wasn't exactly conducive to catching up.
True, but I know what you were up to this summer.
Well, are you referring to my acquired taste for a tuscan red or or Georgina cracking the whip? You didn't really let her, did you? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It was a figure of speech.
No, I meant she was being a slave driver about my new book.
That's actually what I wanna talk to you about.
I wanna publish it in "The Spectator.
" You do you know what it's about? Serialized character studies of people on the Upper East Side.
Yeah, using real names.
I get it, all right, but I really need it after I gave up my "Who is Gossip Girl?" exposé.
I don't know.
Mixing business and friendship didn't work so well with the film rights to "Inside.
" All right, first of all, that was Serena.
This is me.
Second, "The Spectator" has an entire print arm now.
I can publish it on multiple platforms.
This could be a defining moment for us.
Look, Nate, I'm flattered, but I'm letting Georgina handle the business side.
So if you if you really want in, you're gonna have to call her.
All right.
Why do you look like the "before" pictures of people who need Botox? You can't be worried that Poppy's collection is better than mine.
Actually, it's pretty much the same.
W what do you mean "the same"? Like, the same quality? The same style? The same, Blair.
She's using that exact fabric.
Nelly! She set me up! Ugh! If I'm in her article, she will write that I copied Poppy.
But then if I'm not, she will showcase Poppy's collection alone, and then everyone will assume that I am the plagiarist! You're screwed! Sorry.
Nelly got into Yale by playing clean, but no one does dirty better than Blair Waldorf.
Those dresses will never be photographed.
Hello, Lily.
Charles, your father told me what you did this morning, and I'm not pleased about it.
Are you referring to the fact I didn't finish my eggs or that I forgot to say good-bye when I left? You brought Amira to our home to extort money from Bart and to wreak havoc on our relationship.
I don't know what my father's told you, but let me assure you, Amira's presence has nothing to do with you.
Well, since they slept together, it has everything to do with me.
I'm sorry, Lily.
I had no idea.
I have to go.
Wait.
When were you planning to tell me you had an affair with my father? Poor Chuck.
Everyone knows the first place to check for secrets is under the bed.
Or in it.
It's terrific, exactly what "The Nation" likes literate but a little licentious.
It will rock the Upper East Side and make waves way beyond New York.
Genius.
It'll be like when people first read Dominick.
I told you.
He's the second coming.
And third and fourth if he lets you stay the night.
Of course, we'll have to fact-check it.
That could take a while.
Ben's really good friends with the Basses, so there would have to be some cuts, and I'm not talking about their time in tennis camp.
But we just can't open ourselves to a Biro-sized legal suit.
Maybe lose the last names? What is the point of publishing an exposé if you're not going to expose everything? Who cares? They're willing to pay for the version that works for them.
It'll get us both out of Brooklyn.
No, but then I'm compromising my integrity again.
What happened to telling the truth about these people? Save your passion for your poetry, which you can write as much as you want once this makes you rich and famous.
Well, I I did the soft pedal with "Inside," and my life stayed remarkably the same.
Why is the handsome, vacant one calling me? If you're referring to Nate, he has a surprisingly high I.
Q.
But he he wants the book for "The Spectator.
" Okay, no.
We're playing with the big boys on this one.
So stop moping and go find yourself a suit you can wear to a bidding war.
You sneak up the fire escape here and smash Poppy's showroom window.
Why can't Kati's ex-boyfriend who showed us Poppy's samples just let us in? So it looks like a random robbery, not a socialite stealing samples.
Wear those.
That's my ex.
We have a problem.
He told you he's gay, just like everyone else you slept with.
Discuss it with your therapist.
No, Blair.
He says Poppy has decided to have "W.
W.
D.
" photograph her collection at the Central Park Conservancy gala.
Damn it! That is the perfect backdrop! Not to mention, the clothes will be seen by all the right women.
We need to get there first and intercept.
That might be harder than you think.
Why? I can get an invitation to anything.
Serena's the hostess.
Serena's back? I didn't know.
I mean of course I knew.
It's just, the Central Park Conservancy is It's the big leagues, yeah.
Well, Serena's new boyfriend got her on the board.
Well good for Serena.
Just so happens that I know someone else who can help us.
Bart and I were only together for one weekend.
I didn't mention it because you were investigating his business, not his personal life.
I was looking for his secrets.
You count.
But then perhaps he simply paid to hide our affair from your stepmother.
My father would never spend that kind of money on a relationship.
There must be something else connected to that weekend.
I can't imagine what, and I can't risk staying to find out.
Then you leave without your money.
Chuck, don't do this.
That money belongs to me and my family.
And it's in my safe, and I won't open it until you tell me everything that happened that weekend.
It's nothing.
Use your memory.
Use your e-mails.
Use your credit card bills.
I wanna know every person you saw, every place you went.
The sooner you write it all down, the sooner you can leave.
Now I have to go and help a friend, but I will be back.
Serena.
You must be excited about your big night.
Where's Steven? I'm dying to meet him.
Oh, well, he's not coming, which is good, since I just found out he's cheating on me.
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.
It's Steven.
He just canceled his meeting so that he can come tonight.
How how am I supposed to face him? With a smile.
Tonight is your entree into adult society.
You can't let him jeopardize that.
So I'm just supposed to stand there and act like I don't know he was with someone else? Well, that's the difference between being a grownup and in high school.
Now you'd better go get dressed.
It's bad form for a hostess to be late to her own gala.
I just hope there are no more surprises.
Hello.
Finally.
I've been trying you all afternoon.
I know.
I didn't answer.
I thought the message was pretty clear.
Wow, I didn't have you figured for the voice mail breakup douche.
What changed since I left your bed this morning? Uh, I found out you lied.
I didn't lie exactly.
You know what? I'm coming over right now to explain.
No way.
I've been manipulated by that sentence before.
Listen, I'm busy at "The Spectator" and I'm already late for the Conservancy gala.
Forget the jeans.
I need a dress for tonight.
Looks like someone's getting dressed to kill or at least for a hell of a fight.
Hi.
Good to see you.
Hey.
Ah! Oskar, hello! How are you? Good, thanks.
Do you want to take a picture? Sure.
I loved your production of "As You Like It.
" Well, thank you.
Thank you.
Hope to see you down at The Public soon.
Me, too.
Take care.
You look beautiful.
Oh.
You made it.
I know how much it meant to you.
Yeah.
It did.
Georgina, what are we doing here? We weren't even invited.
Did not having a formal invite ever stop Norman mailer from showing up? The most powerful publishers in the world are opening their pockets for philanthropy.
We just have to take advantage.
Yeah, except they don't want my material unless I cut and paste and make everyone look pretty.
Once I get you your first big deal, then you can go all Hunter S.
Thompson on me.
Stop whining and start working the room.
I have to go find Graydon and tell him he has competition for my protégé's exposé.
You two are adorable.
The Tisches have some new competition for the cutest charitable couple.
Nah, this one's all Serena.
We'd love you to introduce her as our newest board member.
Then Serena can present the check to the park.
Sounds great.
Hey, I wanted to ask you, are you still seeing If you'll excuse me So "The Spectator" is exploring all kinds of new demographics.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I need to speak with Nate.
Thanks.
What are you doing? That was the head of media for Johnson & Johnson.
I thought you broke up with Sage.
Yeah, I did, which is more than you can say about Steven.
How can you make out with a guy knowing he cheated on you? Okay.
I let him kiss me on the cheek, but I'm not gonna break up with him or cause a scene until after this party's over, which became a lot more complicated when Sage arrived.
What don't girls understand about "it was fun.
I'm done"? Please just get rid of her.
Please tell me there's a carriage somewhere trotting away with Poppy's posse.
They're on their way to the duck pond for their photo shoot.
Even though it's not really there.
Models are so dumb.
You should've seen them crowded in that carriage like four scrawny sardines.
Who needs Serena Van Der Woodsen when you are friends with Andre the handsome the cab driver? Wait.
Four? "Women's Wear Daily" needed to photograph six dresses.
That means two are still on the loose.
Oops.
It only takes one photograph to eclipse my line forever.
I will go distract Nelly Yuki.
You search and destroy anyone with a dandelion motif.
Hurry! Shoo! Back to the party! Blair, are you okay? Well, not yet.
I still have two dresses I need to round up.
I didn't know that you were coming to Serena's party.
I wasn't intending to, but then I heard from you.
From me? Well, you must've telepathically sensed my distress for my dresses.
No, this was a text.
Wait.
If you didn't send it, I think I know who did.
I have to go.
Hurry.
The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back.
In the grander sense.
You just gonna ignore me? Look, I told you I have nothing to say to you except good-bye.
I swear I didn't lie.
I just omitted certain details.
And only because I liked you and I knew it wouldn't change anything between us.
Then I guess you're more liberal than I am because it definitely changes things for me.
But it doesn't have to.
You could pretend you don't know.
I don't think I can do that.
You could at least try.
I had higher hopes for you, Humphrey.
Sorry.
What? How can the smartest boy at St.
Jude's still want everything he can't have? No, I I don't want her.
I was just, uh I was just observing.
You know, that's what writers do.
I didn't mean Blair.
I mean in.
Your whole Gatsby-ish obsession.
Fitzgerald seemed to make a good career out of it.
If you wanna die a miserable drunk trying to impress people who don't know you exist.
There is that fatal flaw.
I got over mine when I went to Yale and met a bunch of other smart losers.
Nelly, you're not a loser.
Yes, I am, and so are you.
They'll never let us in.
The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can stop trying and start competing.
That's kind of tough when they already have everything.
We have the truth.
That's how the losers win.
We stop playing by their rules and make our own.
Nelly, don't you look ethereal in this garden of earthly delights.
That's my cue.
It was nice talking to you, Nelly.
Dan, there you are.
Graydon wants to make us an offer.
We're going to Cipriani's to discuss.
This better be good.
I just want to apologize.
We got off on the wrong foot this morning.
I wanna hear every detail of your life since constance.
Amira? I'm afraid you missed her.
I'd say you could call, but she's probably enjoying a fine Merlot at 30,000 feet above the ground by now.
No.
She wouldn't leave without her money.
It's sweet, really, that you also use your mother's birthday as your combination.
You make it all so easy.
Drink? Blair, what are you doing here? Well, I would've R.
S.
V.
P.
'd if I got my invitation.
Or the call to tell me that you'd returned to the city.
Kind of reminds me of the time that you came back from boarding school without a word.
I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'm just trying to move on, and so should you.
Well, as the hostess of such an elegant event, you wouldn't want to cause a scene.
Would you? Nothing is more pressing to me than making sure this evening goes perfectly, which I'm sure you have some sort of scheme to destroy.
So please leave before I have security escort you out.
If you weren't invited, Blair, then why are you here? Blair! Blair! Okay! I got the last one, and I left the model standing in nothing but her La Perlas.
Or maybe they were Kiki.
I don't I'm not sure.
Is that one of your Waldorf Designs? No, it's one of mine, and all the models who are supposed to be wearing them are missing.
What's going on, Blair? Sage? What is this? Why do you care? I didn't come here with you.
Well, you're leaving with me now.
I don't think so.
I didn't ask.
Take your hands off her.
She said "no.
" Stay out of this.
No, I won't.
You're the one who's supposed to be in a relationship with Serena.
Wait.
This is your girlfriend? Well, this is my boyfriend.
Steven, what are you doing?! You know how important tonight is to me, and now you're humiliating me to defend that slut? That "slut" happens to be my 17-year-old daughter.
Spotted Nate Archibald with a minor problem that just became a major incident.
Why didn't you tell me you have a daughter? Obviously because she's the same age as you are.
Now Serena is an adult, and she's not missing her curfew and she's not in high school.
Yeah, and I'm not gonna let this drag me back into it.
I have a check to present.
Say good night.
I'll be back to take you home.
You're in high school? Isn't that why you broke up with me? I broke up with you because I thought you were sleeping with your father before I knew he was your father.
That's disgusting.
Yeah! I'm not sleeping with anyone but you.
And it's legal.
I checked.
So can we please just go back to your place and do that? No! You're 17, and I'm pretty sure you're grounded.
I really did audit Professor Peiser's class this summer.
And we're closer in age than my dad and Serena.
Or you and Diana Payne.
Yeah.
I got an "A" on my paper about "The Spectator.
" Serena, I know you're upset.
We spent months together, and you never mentioned you had a child, never mind one who's old enough to share my clothes.
Come on.
It took you all summer to tell me your real name.
Look, we both needed time before we were ready to share everything.
Even Shakespeare said, "what's in a name?" Unlike a daughter, who's a huge piece of your life.
Yeah, and when women find out about her, they either bolt or pressure me to meet her.
And honestly, I I've never been ready to introduce her to anyone until you.
You know, I always imagined your first meeting as more of a breakfast or coffee-type thing.
Really? It wasn't punching out her boyfriend? And the more serious we get, the more we're gonna have to trust each other.
Do you think you can do that? I really wanna try.
Business records, blueprints.
You need to stop this childish nonsense.
You're the one who faked a text from Blair.
Classic high school move.
How about we call a truce? It would make Lily happy.
She's very upset that you're trying to destroy our marriage.
I don't care about your marriage, and neither do you.
Of course I do.
Why else would I have paid Amira all that money to leave town? To protect whatever secret really forced you to fake your death, something that's obviously not in these files.
I already told you.
I did it to keep you and Lily safe.
And I wanted to believe it.
I wanted to believe you cared about me, that I had finally earned my father's love.
Then let me give you some bass properties, and we'll call ourselves a family again.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's too late for that.
You took everything from me, again and again.
Now I'm going to find your secret and I'm going to take everything from you.
Maybe it's not too late to find Blair and help her with those errands.
Why are you torturing me? Blair knew your dresses would look better than hers in print.
No.
I knew that the two of you were working together to destroy me in "W.
W.
D.
" We met for the first time today, Blair, when I interviewed her.
I don't believe you.
And you and your fake African satellite-selling brain did not find my fabric on its own.
Plus I have done terrible things to the two of you in the past, so you must've wanted revenge.
I did, but I didn't scheme to get it.
All I did was set up the article and let you do what you always do implode.
One of the things I learned after being run out of Manhattan by a gang of over-privileged teenagers was to just let my anger go.
Fashion design is my art therapy.
So we really just liked the same fabric? I better go write my story.
I don't want to forget any details.
No, no, no! You can't write about this! Wait! Maybe she's right.
If you write that article, it'll bring her so much more attention.
Maybe you should just write it about me.
I could use the extra space for more pictures of your collection.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Where are you going? I can't start again from nothing! Nelly! You can be my head Minion.
Blair Waldorf, I've been asked to escort you from the party.
Think fast, B.
Pencil skirts or peplum? The only look you have now is egg on your face.
Looks good, no? Skilled craftspeople at work.
I've never seen such a beautiful sight.
Where did they come from? Uh, some from Paris, some from Garment District, a few "Project Runway" rejects.
I know how to enlist employees.
I learned from the best.
Hey! She's clapping for you! Thank you, Dorota.
Now as the new head of Waldorf Designs, I only have one chance to make my debut.
At fashion show for buyers next week.
As much as I love the line we were developing, it is no longer viable.
So we simply have to do better.
Miss Blair, I know I know nothing of fashion, but no one can do a whole line in ten days.
I do realize that this is a lot to ask, but we have no choice.
As my mother's first facialist Elizabeth Arden said, "I only want people around me who can do the impossible.
" So we have no time to waste.
I want a picture of every piece my mother has ever designed.
And we need a new inspiration fabric.
So who wants to come with me to Mood? Great! Let's go then.
Vite.
Vite.
Hey! Heard you got a great offer from "Vanity Fair.
" I did.
I said no.
Did Georgina kick you off her couch or what? No, I left on my own after waking up with her staring at me again.
Please tell me that means you're giving your serial to "The Spectator.
" I know you need this to succeed as much as I do, but it's only gonna do that if you print it word for word.
Done.
You might wanna check it out before you decide.
Wow.
You, uh, sure you wanna publish this? I am.
Every word of it is true.
But there are details in here the world doesn't need to know.
These are people you care about.
Nothing good came from my protecting them.
Once I realized I live in a world where Chuck bass gets the girl, everything seemed very clear.
I'm not playing by anyone else's rules anymore.
I'm making my own.
If you don't want this, I I can self-publish it.
No, no, no, I want it.
I'm just saying I've only read one page, and I'm guessing you might lose some friends and family.
My "friends" chased my sister out of town and chose a guy who traded her for a hotel over me.
And my "family" yeah, is sleeping with a con artist.
You know, I'm I'm not I'm not losing anything here.
I'm taking what's mine.
Serena's gala from last night? Yes.
It looks beautiful in the paper.
I heard there was an unfortunate incident with Steven, but the board said that Serena could keep her seat because she raised a record amount of money.
Mm.
Sorry I had to step out and didn't get home in time for us to make it.
Bart, it's lovely.
It is the least I can do to make up for all the unfortunate drama with Amira and Charles.
I know how important family is to you, Lily, but I think you need to accept that my son may no longer want to be part of ours.
Well, I'm not ready to give up hope yet.
No one said being a parent would be easy.
Some children will do everything in their power to destroy you.
Others will wilt under the weight of your crushing expectations.
She know you can do this, Miss Blair.
I hope she's right.
My entire future, here and with Chuck, depends on it.
You're uncharacteristically quiet this morning, Sage.
What do you want me to say? "Thank you for the humiliating experience of being walked to school by my dad and his trophy girlfriend?" I may not be as humiliating as you think.
I went to Constance, too, you know.
Just remember your end of the deal.
I go to school, and you let me date Nate.
Oh, you should thank Serena for that.
She's the one that told me he's a decent guy.
Yeah, he was going to St.
Jude's while I was at Constance, but you probably already know that from "Gossip Girl.
" No one in high school reads "Gossip Girl" anymore.
It's for old people.
Now can I go, or do you want to hold my hand all the way to homeroom? Go.
I love you.
And some will become parents themselves.
What can I say except, uh, welcome to adulthood? You know I disapprove of teenage pregnancy.
"Gossip Girl" says your dad is dating Serena Van Der Woodsen.
Is it true? Not for long.
But a teenage stepdaughter? That's my kind of fun.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
I need your passion for social upheaval to help me write the book about the Upper East Side.
Don't just stand there.
Start typing.
Real names this time, no holding back.
Everyone gets exposed.
I have decided to retire.
That's why I want you to take over my company.
I didn't realize how much I missed it, but now that I'm back and I'm with you, New York has never seemed more perfect.
I think it's really brave, you deciding to run "The Spectator" on your own.
No investors, no partners.
Wait.
Are you here to freak me out or write a paper on on my paper? You father gave it to me to keep quiet.
For that amount of money, you must know a hell of a secret.
I swear I don't know what it is, but I'm willing to stick around to find out.
Sorry for dropping in after hours, but I was walking by, and I saw that your office light was on.
Would you like to have a drink with me? And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
Up and at 'em, upper east siders.
It's important to start your day right.
Seems like you were already up.
Yeah.
Thanks to you, I've been up all week.
Five more minutes.
Mm.
We might need a little longer.
There's nothing worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed I thought we agreed you'd stop watching me sleep.
I lied.
I'm letting you stay here for free.
There has to be something in it for me.
Except maybe waking up alone.
Dorota! Why did you let me sleep?! It's "W.
W.
D.
" Day! We have to take the fashion world by storm.
First, it's breakfast, then shower, then to the atelier.
I can hardly wait to see what today brings.
I'm booked on the 7:00 flight to Dubai.
Please, just a little more time.
We've spent all week pouring over the notes of every meeting I interpreted for Bart.
There's nothing, Chuck.
Look, I know the reason my father faked his death has something to do with this hotel deal.
It has to be here.
We looked.
It's not.
Then why would he lie about being in Dubai? Why would all the negotiations happen completely off the books? Why would he pay you $10 million not to ask any of these questions? If he's hiding something, I don't know what.
I'm sorry.
I need to get home to my fiancé.
There's nothing more I can do.
You could come to brunch.
With Bart? That sounds dangerous.
You won't have to say a word.
Just smile while I drop a few names to see how he reacts.
Then you can take your money and go.
You know, I was a very punctual person before I met you.
Well, any way I can convince you to be fashionably late to my gala tonight? I know you have the Crowdrise event, but maybe after? Nah, I'd love to, but this thing's been booked for months, and who knows how long it'll go? I don't want to say "maybe" and then disappoint you.
How could you disappoint me when you did so much work to get me on the board in the first place? I know what a big deal the Central Park Conservancy is.
When my mom was finally asked to host, she made it seem like it was more important than being the mayor.
Well, now that you're hosting, it definitely is.
Tonight marks the start of a whole new era.
Serena takes Manhattan.
Ohh.
An adult Manhattan.
I couldn't be happier to leave my old life behind.
Well, just don't leave me, even if I can't make it tonight.
Mmm.
The renovation is complete.
Fabric is all from swatches you choose.
Your mother's vintage designs on display.
And this area can be showroom or waiting room, parties or meetings.
Form follows function.
And in here Miss Blair's private office.
This is divine.
This is so me.
Oh! This "Women's Wear Daily" article could make or break me as the new head of Waldorf.
And the atelier is the perfect backdrop.
All these years of folding my sweaters and fluffing my pillows has really paid off.
You've developed taste! Yes.
Oh.
Miss Blair's new samples looks lovely.
And I glad office is up to snuff.
But I I worry if "W.
W.
D.
" will ask, "where are the designers, seamstresses, and models?" It is unfortunate that my mother's Paris team declined to follow me back to New York, but not to worry.
While you were paint and papering, I came up with a plan.
Hello, ladies! Get ready to assume your roles.
Go get dressed for success.
Your sofa might be chic, but my neck is not happy with this kink.
Would you prefer the kink of watching your father do it with fake Charlie again? No, I did not watch.
I got the hell out before they saw me.
The image is still burnt right here.
To think that I used to consider Brooklyn a moral high ground.
Now that my father's fallen off his pedestal, I'm free of such delusions.
Your loss of faith in humanity turns me on, as does the fact that your book was rejected by Simon & Shuster and you were dropped by your agent.
I still don't get why they didn't want it.
They sent me to Italy to write "Inside Part Two," and this time I delivered a real story with real names.
Raw, hard facts.
Please say "raw" and "hard" again.
Who cares about Alessandra and the entire lit set? They're just book nerds.
Revenge is a dish best served serialized, one delicious chapter at a time.
Once we find the right magazine, and everyone starts talking, then the book offers will come in.
Then the movie, and then the Broadway musical.
Check your calendar.
We have meetings all afternoon.
Yeah, well, I got an errand to run.
I'll see ya at "Vanity Fair.
" Can't wait to start burning bridges together.
Well, thank you for accepting our invitation for brunch, Charles.
You know how important it is to me that we make an effort as a family.
Of course.
And I do want you both to get to know Amira.
Did I mention she speaks seven languages, including body? Numerous times.
Micro-expressions, vocal shifts.
We get it.
She's "The Mentalist" Eat a crêpe.
So how did you two get together? It's a tale as old as time.
Boy meets girl, girl falls for boy and shares her deepest and darkest secrets.
Chuck exaggerates.
Um, we both found ourselves admiring the fish-tank at Ossiano.
A classic meet-cute and quite ordinary, I'm afraid.
Amira was attending a business dinner with Khalid Al-Saleh.
You must know him, father.
He's big in middle east real estate.
He's developed a few hotels.
Doesn't ring a bell.
Really? Because Amira says he knew you.
I doubt very much that Amira discusses her work with you.
She seems like an intelligent woman who understands that her livelihood, if not her life itself, depends on her discretion.
If you'll excuse me, I should confirm my flight for tonight.
You certainly scared her off.
Yeah, I think I'm done also.
I have a meeting with Bruce Kaplan to find out if Bass Industries is finally bouncing back after your reign.
Charles, I know you're upset that your father took his company back, but give him a chance.
He did risk his life to save yours.
And he's not the man he used to be.
Yes, 7:00.
That's right.
Perfect.
Thank you.
What the hell do you think you're doing? I paid you a lot of money to leave the country.
I'm sorry.
Chuck insisted that I come here today.
Well, I insist you go.
Our weekend together has cost me enough.
Don't make me warn you again.
Chuck, I think it's time to go.
What am I supposed to be? I'm torn between nurse and cafeteria worker.
You are a seamstress, whom I will publicly shame with my artistic temperament.
And, Kati, you are a crazed fan, begging to borrow a limited edition.
Dorota! When the reporter arrives, you will wheel out the dresses with a grand flourish.
Reaction to clothes is what really counts.
If article is negative, could poison perception of whole line and jeopardize future of Waldorf Designs.
Kati, start your adulation right now.
O.
M.
G.
Nelly Yuki.
Great! Maybe she knows how to sew.
She lost her status as a minion when she stole my spot at Yale.
She knows better than to beg for reinstatement.
Hi, Blair.
"Hi"? No "hi.
" Go! Before the "Women's Wear Daily" reporter shows up and thinks that I consort with fake Dior-carrying wannabes.
Actually, this bag was a personal gift from Raf after I wrote an article on him.
After you Uh-huh.
That's right, Blair.
I'm the "Women's Wear Daily" reporter.
Thanks for picking up my check in person.
It means a lot for "The Spectator" to sponsor the same event as "The Times".
Well, I'm glad you wanna be involved.
Just do me a favor and please don't invite Blair.
Have you even told her that you're back yet? This is a long time for you to be mad at Blair just for being Blair.
I'm not mad.
I'm maturing.
We're just naturally growing apart.
You know, being with Steven has really helped me to understand who I wanna be.
I hope you find someone like that, too.
You never know.
I might have.
What?! Wait.
Who?! I met a girl.
Her name's Sage.
She's a Columbia journalism student.
She's funny.
She's smart.
I just but it's all very new, so I I can't talk about it.
Whoa! Shy smile, reluctant eye contact? I think I've seen enough.
You really like her.
Keep the change.
You're gonna love this place.
What, you can't even look at me? No, no, no.
I'm not not looking at you.
I'm looking at her with your boyfriend.
It really is so good to see you.
You said that already.
Twice.
Blair, please.
Please let me wear one of your exclusive designs.
You're supposed to be the seamstress.
Oh.
Go help Dorota make tea, both of you.
Welcome back, Nelly! I see nothing's changed around here since high school.
Except you.
You look so presentable.
Yes.
Once I got into Yale, I realized I didn't have to dress like you anymore.
So let's see your line.
It's not here.
Shipping snafu en route from Paris.
You're lying.
If I were, it would only be to protect Waldorf Designs from your biased opinion of me, which is based on nothing but good, clean high school fun.
I still have night terrors about nairtinis and yogurt bombs.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night shouting, "tights are not pants!" But I am not biased.
I play fair.
That's why I got into Yale, and you didn't.
Oh.
Did I mention I graduated early? Send another reporter.
It's my story.
And look on the bright side.
No matter what I write, readers can see the pictures of your collection next to Poppy Lifton's and decide for themselves.
Poppy? That Ponzi-scheming fauxcialite? The only designing she is doing is with popsicle sticks in the arts and crafts room of a women's prison.
She's a thief.
Blair, that was so four years ago.
My article is called "Society goes sartorial," and it profiles two designers, you and her.
We're not photographing anything until tomorrow, so you have until then to decide if you wanna be included.
Stop eavesdropping and get in here! I need recon on Poppy Lifton's collection now.
Hey, it's me.
Leave a message.
Hey, Sage, it's Nate.
Listen, I've had a lot of fun this week.
Buy you know what? I'm done.
Have a nice life.
Why did you just do that? It's too crazy of a coincidence that your Sage and my Steven are seeing each other.
Well, we could have completely the wrong idea.
I doubt it.
I've had way too many girls talk me back into relationships I wanted out of.
Just like you run away from too many guys you didn't want to confront with the truth.
I mean, maybe it's time we start doing things a little bit differently.
You're right.
We've just made terrible relationship choices.
Or as Patti Stanger would say, our pickers are broken.
Are you really quoting the millionaire matchmaker? As if you don't watch it.
Ah.
It's true.
If I really wanna be mature, I should just calmly ask Steven to explain.
On the phone.
Good luck with that.
All right, I've gotta get back to the office.
But, uh, I'll see you tonight.
Sorry.
I'll have to call you back.
Did you have an affair with Amira? I spent a weekend with her.
Years ago, after I suspected you had been with Rufus.
But I apologize.
That's no excuse.
No.
However, it explains why she's extorting money from you.
You overheard us talking.
It seemed a small price to ensure that my old behavior didn't get in the way of our new relationship.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate your honesty.
Um, I can't imagine how Charles will feel when he finds out about his girlfriend's agenda.
I suspect that's why he's brought her here.
One second.
Serena.
Hi.
Hi.
I didn't expect to hear from you today.
How is the party planning? Uh, good, I think.
Is everything okay? Uh, are you seeing someone else? Um, it's it's okay if you are, because, you know, we never really defined things over the summer.
Well, we didn't have to define things.
We moved in together.
I know, but, you know, that was in the country.
And, you know, maybe you have something going on here that's a little complicated.
I mean, I would understand if you do, but but just please tell me the truth.
I'm not seeing anyone else.
But I have to get back to my meeting, so I'll call you later.
Nate.
Thanks for calling, man.
Serena's intervention wasn't exactly conducive to catching up.
True, but I know what you were up to this summer.
Well, are you referring to my acquired taste for a tuscan red or or Georgina cracking the whip? You didn't really let her, did you? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It was a figure of speech.
No, I meant she was being a slave driver about my new book.
That's actually what I wanna talk to you about.
I wanna publish it in "The Spectator.
" You do you know what it's about? Serialized character studies of people on the Upper East Side.
Yeah, using real names.
I get it, all right, but I really need it after I gave up my "Who is Gossip Girl?" exposé.
I don't know.
Mixing business and friendship didn't work so well with the film rights to "Inside.
" All right, first of all, that was Serena.
This is me.
Second, "The Spectator" has an entire print arm now.
I can publish it on multiple platforms.
This could be a defining moment for us.
Look, Nate, I'm flattered, but I'm letting Georgina handle the business side.
So if you if you really want in, you're gonna have to call her.
All right.
Why do you look like the "before" pictures of people who need Botox? You can't be worried that Poppy's collection is better than mine.
Actually, it's pretty much the same.
W what do you mean "the same"? Like, the same quality? The same style? The same, Blair.
She's using that exact fabric.
Nelly! She set me up! Ugh! If I'm in her article, she will write that I copied Poppy.
But then if I'm not, she will showcase Poppy's collection alone, and then everyone will assume that I am the plagiarist! You're screwed! Sorry.
Nelly got into Yale by playing clean, but no one does dirty better than Blair Waldorf.
Those dresses will never be photographed.
Hello, Lily.
Charles, your father told me what you did this morning, and I'm not pleased about it.
Are you referring to the fact I didn't finish my eggs or that I forgot to say good-bye when I left? You brought Amira to our home to extort money from Bart and to wreak havoc on our relationship.
I don't know what my father's told you, but let me assure you, Amira's presence has nothing to do with you.
Well, since they slept together, it has everything to do with me.
I'm sorry, Lily.
I had no idea.
I have to go.
Wait.
When were you planning to tell me you had an affair with my father? Poor Chuck.
Everyone knows the first place to check for secrets is under the bed.
Or in it.
It's terrific, exactly what "The Nation" likes literate but a little licentious.
It will rock the Upper East Side and make waves way beyond New York.
Genius.
It'll be like when people first read Dominick.
I told you.
He's the second coming.
And third and fourth if he lets you stay the night.
Of course, we'll have to fact-check it.
That could take a while.
Ben's really good friends with the Basses, so there would have to be some cuts, and I'm not talking about their time in tennis camp.
But we just can't open ourselves to a Biro-sized legal suit.
Maybe lose the last names? What is the point of publishing an exposé if you're not going to expose everything? Who cares? They're willing to pay for the version that works for them.
It'll get us both out of Brooklyn.
No, but then I'm compromising my integrity again.
What happened to telling the truth about these people? Save your passion for your poetry, which you can write as much as you want once this makes you rich and famous.
Well, I I did the soft pedal with "Inside," and my life stayed remarkably the same.
Why is the handsome, vacant one calling me? If you're referring to Nate, he has a surprisingly high I.
Q.
But he he wants the book for "The Spectator.
" Okay, no.
We're playing with the big boys on this one.
So stop moping and go find yourself a suit you can wear to a bidding war.
You sneak up the fire escape here and smash Poppy's showroom window.
Why can't Kati's ex-boyfriend who showed us Poppy's samples just let us in? So it looks like a random robbery, not a socialite stealing samples.
Wear those.
That's my ex.
We have a problem.
He told you he's gay, just like everyone else you slept with.
Discuss it with your therapist.
No, Blair.
He says Poppy has decided to have "W.
W.
D.
" photograph her collection at the Central Park Conservancy gala.
Damn it! That is the perfect backdrop! Not to mention, the clothes will be seen by all the right women.
We need to get there first and intercept.
That might be harder than you think.
Why? I can get an invitation to anything.
Serena's the hostess.
Serena's back? I didn't know.
I mean of course I knew.
It's just, the Central Park Conservancy is It's the big leagues, yeah.
Well, Serena's new boyfriend got her on the board.
Well good for Serena.
Just so happens that I know someone else who can help us.
Bart and I were only together for one weekend.
I didn't mention it because you were investigating his business, not his personal life.
I was looking for his secrets.
You count.
But then perhaps he simply paid to hide our affair from your stepmother.
My father would never spend that kind of money on a relationship.
There must be something else connected to that weekend.
I can't imagine what, and I can't risk staying to find out.
Then you leave without your money.
Chuck, don't do this.
That money belongs to me and my family.
And it's in my safe, and I won't open it until you tell me everything that happened that weekend.
It's nothing.
Use your memory.
Use your e-mails.
Use your credit card bills.
I wanna know every person you saw, every place you went.
The sooner you write it all down, the sooner you can leave.
Now I have to go and help a friend, but I will be back.
Serena.
You must be excited about your big night.
Where's Steven? I'm dying to meet him.
Oh, well, he's not coming, which is good, since I just found out he's cheating on me.
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.
It's Steven.
He just canceled his meeting so that he can come tonight.
How how am I supposed to face him? With a smile.
Tonight is your entree into adult society.
You can't let him jeopardize that.
So I'm just supposed to stand there and act like I don't know he was with someone else? Well, that's the difference between being a grownup and in high school.
Now you'd better go get dressed.
It's bad form for a hostess to be late to her own gala.
I just hope there are no more surprises.
Hello.
Finally.
I've been trying you all afternoon.
I know.
I didn't answer.
I thought the message was pretty clear.
Wow, I didn't have you figured for the voice mail breakup douche.
What changed since I left your bed this morning? Uh, I found out you lied.
I didn't lie exactly.
You know what? I'm coming over right now to explain.
No way.
I've been manipulated by that sentence before.
Listen, I'm busy at "The Spectator" and I'm already late for the Conservancy gala.
Forget the jeans.
I need a dress for tonight.
Looks like someone's getting dressed to kill or at least for a hell of a fight.
Hi.
Good to see you.
Hey.
Ah! Oskar, hello! How are you? Good, thanks.
Do you want to take a picture? Sure.
I loved your production of "As You Like It.
" Well, thank you.
Thank you.
Hope to see you down at The Public soon.
Me, too.
Take care.
You look beautiful.
Oh.
You made it.
I know how much it meant to you.
Yeah.
It did.
Georgina, what are we doing here? We weren't even invited.
Did not having a formal invite ever stop Norman mailer from showing up? The most powerful publishers in the world are opening their pockets for philanthropy.
We just have to take advantage.
Yeah, except they don't want my material unless I cut and paste and make everyone look pretty.
Once I get you your first big deal, then you can go all Hunter S.
Thompson on me.
Stop whining and start working the room.
I have to go find Graydon and tell him he has competition for my protégé's exposé.
You two are adorable.
The Tisches have some new competition for the cutest charitable couple.
Nah, this one's all Serena.
We'd love you to introduce her as our newest board member.
Then Serena can present the check to the park.
Sounds great.
Hey, I wanted to ask you, are you still seeing If you'll excuse me So "The Spectator" is exploring all kinds of new demographics.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I need to speak with Nate.
Thanks.
What are you doing? That was the head of media for Johnson & Johnson.
I thought you broke up with Sage.
Yeah, I did, which is more than you can say about Steven.
How can you make out with a guy knowing he cheated on you? Okay.
I let him kiss me on the cheek, but I'm not gonna break up with him or cause a scene until after this party's over, which became a lot more complicated when Sage arrived.
What don't girls understand about "it was fun.
I'm done"? Please just get rid of her.
Please tell me there's a carriage somewhere trotting away with Poppy's posse.
They're on their way to the duck pond for their photo shoot.
Even though it's not really there.
Models are so dumb.
You should've seen them crowded in that carriage like four scrawny sardines.
Who needs Serena Van Der Woodsen when you are friends with Andre the handsome the cab driver? Wait.
Four? "Women's Wear Daily" needed to photograph six dresses.
That means two are still on the loose.
Oops.
It only takes one photograph to eclipse my line forever.
I will go distract Nelly Yuki.
You search and destroy anyone with a dandelion motif.
Hurry! Shoo! Back to the party! Blair, are you okay? Well, not yet.
I still have two dresses I need to round up.
I didn't know that you were coming to Serena's party.
I wasn't intending to, but then I heard from you.
From me? Well, you must've telepathically sensed my distress for my dresses.
No, this was a text.
Wait.
If you didn't send it, I think I know who did.
I have to go.
Hurry.
The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back.
In the grander sense.
You just gonna ignore me? Look, I told you I have nothing to say to you except good-bye.
I swear I didn't lie.
I just omitted certain details.
And only because I liked you and I knew it wouldn't change anything between us.
Then I guess you're more liberal than I am because it definitely changes things for me.
But it doesn't have to.
You could pretend you don't know.
I don't think I can do that.
You could at least try.
I had higher hopes for you, Humphrey.
Sorry.
What? How can the smartest boy at St.
Jude's still want everything he can't have? No, I I don't want her.
I was just, uh I was just observing.
You know, that's what writers do.
I didn't mean Blair.
I mean in.
Your whole Gatsby-ish obsession.
Fitzgerald seemed to make a good career out of it.
If you wanna die a miserable drunk trying to impress people who don't know you exist.
There is that fatal flaw.
I got over mine when I went to Yale and met a bunch of other smart losers.
Nelly, you're not a loser.
Yes, I am, and so are you.
They'll never let us in.
The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can stop trying and start competing.
That's kind of tough when they already have everything.
We have the truth.
That's how the losers win.
We stop playing by their rules and make our own.
Nelly, don't you look ethereal in this garden of earthly delights.
That's my cue.
It was nice talking to you, Nelly.
Dan, there you are.
Graydon wants to make us an offer.
We're going to Cipriani's to discuss.
This better be good.
I just want to apologize.
We got off on the wrong foot this morning.
I wanna hear every detail of your life since constance.
Amira? I'm afraid you missed her.
I'd say you could call, but she's probably enjoying a fine Merlot at 30,000 feet above the ground by now.
No.
She wouldn't leave without her money.
It's sweet, really, that you also use your mother's birthday as your combination.
You make it all so easy.
Drink? Blair, what are you doing here? Well, I would've R.
S.
V.
P.
'd if I got my invitation.
Or the call to tell me that you'd returned to the city.
Kind of reminds me of the time that you came back from boarding school without a word.
I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'm just trying to move on, and so should you.
Well, as the hostess of such an elegant event, you wouldn't want to cause a scene.
Would you? Nothing is more pressing to me than making sure this evening goes perfectly, which I'm sure you have some sort of scheme to destroy.
So please leave before I have security escort you out.
If you weren't invited, Blair, then why are you here? Blair! Blair! Okay! I got the last one, and I left the model standing in nothing but her La Perlas.
Or maybe they were Kiki.
I don't I'm not sure.
Is that one of your Waldorf Designs? No, it's one of mine, and all the models who are supposed to be wearing them are missing.
What's going on, Blair? Sage? What is this? Why do you care? I didn't come here with you.
Well, you're leaving with me now.
I don't think so.
I didn't ask.
Take your hands off her.
She said "no.
" Stay out of this.
No, I won't.
You're the one who's supposed to be in a relationship with Serena.
Wait.
This is your girlfriend? Well, this is my boyfriend.
Steven, what are you doing?! You know how important tonight is to me, and now you're humiliating me to defend that slut? That "slut" happens to be my 17-year-old daughter.
Spotted Nate Archibald with a minor problem that just became a major incident.
Why didn't you tell me you have a daughter? Obviously because she's the same age as you are.
Now Serena is an adult, and she's not missing her curfew and she's not in high school.
Yeah, and I'm not gonna let this drag me back into it.
I have a check to present.
Say good night.
I'll be back to take you home.
You're in high school? Isn't that why you broke up with me? I broke up with you because I thought you were sleeping with your father before I knew he was your father.
That's disgusting.
Yeah! I'm not sleeping with anyone but you.
And it's legal.
I checked.
So can we please just go back to your place and do that? No! You're 17, and I'm pretty sure you're grounded.
I really did audit Professor Peiser's class this summer.
And we're closer in age than my dad and Serena.
Or you and Diana Payne.
Yeah.
I got an "A" on my paper about "The Spectator.
" Serena, I know you're upset.
We spent months together, and you never mentioned you had a child, never mind one who's old enough to share my clothes.
Come on.
It took you all summer to tell me your real name.
Look, we both needed time before we were ready to share everything.
Even Shakespeare said, "what's in a name?" Unlike a daughter, who's a huge piece of your life.
Yeah, and when women find out about her, they either bolt or pressure me to meet her.
And honestly, I I've never been ready to introduce her to anyone until you.
You know, I always imagined your first meeting as more of a breakfast or coffee-type thing.
Really? It wasn't punching out her boyfriend? And the more serious we get, the more we're gonna have to trust each other.
Do you think you can do that? I really wanna try.
Business records, blueprints.
You need to stop this childish nonsense.
You're the one who faked a text from Blair.
Classic high school move.
How about we call a truce? It would make Lily happy.
She's very upset that you're trying to destroy our marriage.
I don't care about your marriage, and neither do you.
Of course I do.
Why else would I have paid Amira all that money to leave town? To protect whatever secret really forced you to fake your death, something that's obviously not in these files.
I already told you.
I did it to keep you and Lily safe.
And I wanted to believe it.
I wanted to believe you cared about me, that I had finally earned my father's love.
Then let me give you some bass properties, and we'll call ourselves a family again.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's too late for that.
You took everything from me, again and again.
Now I'm going to find your secret and I'm going to take everything from you.
Maybe it's not too late to find Blair and help her with those errands.
Why are you torturing me? Blair knew your dresses would look better than hers in print.
No.
I knew that the two of you were working together to destroy me in "W.
W.
D.
" We met for the first time today, Blair, when I interviewed her.
I don't believe you.
And you and your fake African satellite-selling brain did not find my fabric on its own.
Plus I have done terrible things to the two of you in the past, so you must've wanted revenge.
I did, but I didn't scheme to get it.
All I did was set up the article and let you do what you always do implode.
One of the things I learned after being run out of Manhattan by a gang of over-privileged teenagers was to just let my anger go.
Fashion design is my art therapy.
So we really just liked the same fabric? I better go write my story.
I don't want to forget any details.
No, no, no! You can't write about this! Wait! Maybe she's right.
If you write that article, it'll bring her so much more attention.
Maybe you should just write it about me.
I could use the extra space for more pictures of your collection.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Where are you going? I can't start again from nothing! Nelly! You can be my head Minion.
Blair Waldorf, I've been asked to escort you from the party.
Think fast, B.
Pencil skirts or peplum? The only look you have now is egg on your face.
Looks good, no? Skilled craftspeople at work.
I've never seen such a beautiful sight.
Where did they come from? Uh, some from Paris, some from Garment District, a few "Project Runway" rejects.
I know how to enlist employees.
I learned from the best.
Hey! She's clapping for you! Thank you, Dorota.
Now as the new head of Waldorf Designs, I only have one chance to make my debut.
At fashion show for buyers next week.
As much as I love the line we were developing, it is no longer viable.
So we simply have to do better.
Miss Blair, I know I know nothing of fashion, but no one can do a whole line in ten days.
I do realize that this is a lot to ask, but we have no choice.
As my mother's first facialist Elizabeth Arden said, "I only want people around me who can do the impossible.
" So we have no time to waste.
I want a picture of every piece my mother has ever designed.
And we need a new inspiration fabric.
So who wants to come with me to Mood? Great! Let's go then.
Vite.
Vite.
Hey! Heard you got a great offer from "Vanity Fair.
" I did.
I said no.
Did Georgina kick you off her couch or what? No, I left on my own after waking up with her staring at me again.
Please tell me that means you're giving your serial to "The Spectator.
" I know you need this to succeed as much as I do, but it's only gonna do that if you print it word for word.
Done.
You might wanna check it out before you decide.
Wow.
You, uh, sure you wanna publish this? I am.
Every word of it is true.
But there are details in here the world doesn't need to know.
These are people you care about.
Nothing good came from my protecting them.
Once I realized I live in a world where Chuck bass gets the girl, everything seemed very clear.
I'm not playing by anyone else's rules anymore.
I'm making my own.
If you don't want this, I I can self-publish it.
No, no, no, I want it.
I'm just saying I've only read one page, and I'm guessing you might lose some friends and family.
My "friends" chased my sister out of town and chose a guy who traded her for a hotel over me.
And my "family" yeah, is sleeping with a con artist.
You know, I'm I'm not I'm not losing anything here.
I'm taking what's mine.
Serena's gala from last night? Yes.
It looks beautiful in the paper.
I heard there was an unfortunate incident with Steven, but the board said that Serena could keep her seat because she raised a record amount of money.
Mm.
Sorry I had to step out and didn't get home in time for us to make it.
Bart, it's lovely.
It is the least I can do to make up for all the unfortunate drama with Amira and Charles.
I know how important family is to you, Lily, but I think you need to accept that my son may no longer want to be part of ours.
Well, I'm not ready to give up hope yet.
No one said being a parent would be easy.
Some children will do everything in their power to destroy you.
Others will wilt under the weight of your crushing expectations.
She know you can do this, Miss Blair.
I hope she's right.
My entire future, here and with Chuck, depends on it.
You're uncharacteristically quiet this morning, Sage.
What do you want me to say? "Thank you for the humiliating experience of being walked to school by my dad and his trophy girlfriend?" I may not be as humiliating as you think.
I went to Constance, too, you know.
Just remember your end of the deal.
I go to school, and you let me date Nate.
Oh, you should thank Serena for that.
She's the one that told me he's a decent guy.
Yeah, he was going to St.
Jude's while I was at Constance, but you probably already know that from "Gossip Girl.
" No one in high school reads "Gossip Girl" anymore.
It's for old people.
Now can I go, or do you want to hold my hand all the way to homeroom? Go.
I love you.
And some will become parents themselves.
What can I say except, uh, welcome to adulthood? You know I disapprove of teenage pregnancy.
"Gossip Girl" says your dad is dating Serena Van Der Woodsen.
Is it true? Not for long.
But a teenage stepdaughter? That's my kind of fun.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.