Rescue Me s06e02 Episode Script

Previously on Rescue Me I saw you go.
I watched the struggle.
There was something that you saw that scared you, and I want to know what that was.
Why couldn't you save us? You said you'd come back to get me.
Ooh! Honey.
I've been on my own this whole goddamn time.
Well, except for the guys.
Thank God for them.
Franco.
He was a godsend.
He was amazing.
He baby-sat for me.
He helped Katy with her homework.
You know, you name it, he did it.
Did you go by my house a couple times while I was laid up? Yeah.
I was there almost every day.
Do me a favor.
In the future if something happens, anything happens, just don't go to my house.
This city is in a goddamn recession.
The Mayor's gonna have to close a couple of firehouses.
The word I hear is that this house is number one on the list.
This one's allowed to drink in the house.
What? Don't worry.
I don't have a drinking problem.
It is genetic.
So is being a bitch, bitch.
I want Damien out.
Out of what? This.
The job.
What about his father's legacy? This father ain't here, is he? His father only shows up in old home movies and your goddamn fever dreams.
I am interested in my legacy and I want him out now.
Hi.
Hi, Daddy.
Hey, Tom.
What's up, man? What did the doctor say? He said I can go back to work in a week.
Cool.
Yeah.
More like three weeks.
Am I, uh, dreaming, or are you sitting in my kitchen without a shirt on? I'm assuming you're wearing pants.
Yeah.
I got pants on this time, but, no, no shirt.
Uncle Franco was just helping me with my homework.
Uh, the, baby puked on my shirt while I was burping him.
No offense, Tom, but I couldn't fit into any of yours, so Uncle Franco's got a lot of muscles.
Heh.
Stop.
Huh.
Yeah.
I've been in the hospital for So I haven't been in the I can help my daughter with her homework.
Why don't you just go put one of my jackets on.
I tried.
They don't fit.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, look at this.
See what we got here.
Ahh.
What are we looking at, huh? Spanish.
Yes, we are.
Why don't you help her with the Spanish? I think I got an old bunker jacket in one of my closets.
I'll dig out.
All right.
What's going on? Okay.
How much can one baby puke, guys? What's going on? This wasn't the baby.
This was Colleen.
Uh-huh.
I think it was something she ate.
We had some Chinese food last night.
Them egg rolls, man, got the best of her.
Crazy, right? Yeah? What? She ain't drinking, Tommy, all right? Just relax.
Not yet anyways.
Jeez.
Uncle Shawn? Yeah? What muscles are those? You know what? Okay.
We're gonna have a new policy in the house, which is no touching the muscles, number one.
Number two, does the underwear have to be hanging all the way out of the pants with you? Here you go.
Clean and dry.
Ooh! Nice! Nice, nice, nice.
Calm down, Tom, okay? Without these two, this would have been an insane asylum while you were gone.
Okay.
And I thought I told you to bring an extra shirt the last time this happened.
I know.
Tom, you should have seen last time.
Jan, I'm stuck.
Oh, here.
Wyatt puked on his shirt and his lap.
I need to see you two out on the porch.
Right now? Yeah.
We need to have a little conversation, work-related.
Yeah.
Come on.
All right.
Shawn! I puked in the sock drawer again! I'll get it.
Thanks.
What's up, Tom? What's up? You two, okay? No more nudity in the house.
What? What? I don't want Katy seeing your stuff, your, you know, pecs and your Whatever she was pointing at.
And you Triceps.
Okay.
Whatever.
And I'll tell you And shirts on.
No nipples, all right? I don't want her looking at nipples.
What's wrong with my nipples? Not just your nipples.
His nip Nipple-free zone in the house, okay? - Come on, Tom.
- You know kids nowadays.
Didn't they catch some girls have a blow job contest at her school last week? What? Hmm.
They? What? Who's having a blow job contest? What, in her grade? Ahem.
Well, you see, I wasn't We weren't there, so can't give you details blow by blow.
Uh, so, you know Blow by blow? I'm gonna go inside, check on Colleen, because that tummy ache is intense.
Why don't you go back inside and do something about your girlfriend's little drinking problem, okay? Let me worry about the blow jobs.
What do you want me to do, send her to the past and have her return Amish instead of Irish? That's a good one.
Bye-bye.
Ahem.
Cocky, little It's all right, Tom.
You're jealous.
It's human.
Whoa.
I'm jealous? Okay.
And exactly who would I be jealous of? Well, me, duh.
As regards wifey in there.
Let me just explain something to you about jealousy and me, okay? I'm, you know, I'm not I'm I'm jealous.
I'm jealous.
I mean, the cooking.
Where did the cooking thing come from? I didn't know you could cook.
You realize that's ridiculous? We're brothers.
Okay.
Can I just point out that my actual brother, my real brother had an affair with my wife, and I actually believe there might have been some cooking involved in that, Yeah.
Shit, I forgot, okay? See, it sets off an alarm for me.
I have Shit, man.
I guess I just have some really, some trust issues and some feelings I didn't realize I You got a great family, Tom.
I mean, Tommy, look.
I got to tell you, bro, these kids, they need a dad because I'll tell you what, looking at you laying on that barroom floor, bleeding out, two bullets in you, got me thinking.
I hope it did the same for you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah? Well, come on, asshole, do something about it then.
I mean, right now, you know, today.
Go in there.
Tell Janet how you feel.
Tell Colleen, tell Katy.
I mean, shit.
You better tell Katy something.
They're having blow job contests at her school, Tom.
That's one contest you sure as hell don't want her winning or losing.
You're probably right.
I never do I never tell them, you know, how I feel.
Today's the day, right? Today.
Absolutely, man.
It's the only guarantee we got.
My man, you were almost dead, but today, you ain't.
I don't got to tell you, the job we do, we could both be dead tomorrow, so I'm gonna go in there, and I'm gonna tell them.
I'm gonna tell them exactly how I feel about them.
Good man.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go see if I can get laid before work.
Cool.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
* On another day C'mon, c'mon * * With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? * * Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone * * Things were good When we were young * * When my teeth bite down I can see the blood * * Of a thousand men Who have come and gone * * Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone * * Things were good When we were young * * Is it safe to stay? * * C'mon, c'mon * * Was it right to leave? * * C'mon, c'mon * * Will I ever learn? * * C'mon, c'mon * * C'mon, c'mon C'mon, c'mon * So I thought it might be a good time to have since it's been a while since all of us were, you know, sitting down at the same time to get a few things out in the open that maybe, uh You know So I know that I probably, well, m-m-most likely, pretty much haven't been the world's greatest dad for a while.
So, you know, I just wanted to say that what's happened has, um, you know, I feel like it's changed me, and I think it's reprioritized my priorities.
So I just want you guys to know that, you know, that I love you all a lot, "a lot" a lot.
Is that it? Uh, well, that's the gist of it, yeah, but, I mean Can I go now? I'm late for work.
I love you, too, Daddy.
Thank you, honey.
Thank you.
Anybody else? Ew! Oh, my God.
Okay.
Let's get you into the bathroom.
Could you do me a favor? I'll clean this up.
No.
Could you pick up the stuff on my shopping list? I have to take her to practice after I deal with Colleen.
I would really appreciate it.
Okay.
Thanks.
All right.
Love you.
What? Uh, I said, "love you".
Right.
Just don't forget that list.
Right.
Hey.
Is there a, uh, at school a Uh, is there a thing? A contest? Yes.
Yeah.
Mom already talked to me about it.
Oh.
Yep.
Cool.
All right.
Bye.
She thinks I can win.
Sorry? I don't want to win, though.
I just want to be in it because it will be fun.
Besides, everybody knows Jessica Brody's gonna win.
She's already better than the rest of us.
You're talking about the dance contest, right? Yes.
The dance contest.
The dancing thing.
Yes.
Ew! You didn't think I was talking about the other contest, did you? No.
What? Ew, Dad! Hey, what's going on in there? Nothing, nothing.
Ew.
Shh.
Bye.
Oh! Yeah? Hey.
You gonna talk to him today? Yep.
You gonna tell him to get out? Yep.
How? I'm simply gonna sit him down, and I'm gonna explain to him how, you know, precious every single day on this planet is the moment that we wake up and that he should be living his dream, not living what he thinks somebody else wants him to be or do, you know, especially not what he thinks I want or his father would have wanted.
Hello? I'm sorry.
Who am I speaking with again? Hang on, I gotta go.
I got another call.
Yeah, you gotta go.
You gotta go find the real Tommy Gavin.
Ah, so funny.
Yeah? Yeah.
I hear my messages correct, you want to go to a meeting? Listen.
This is my new thing.
Today's the day, all right? I'm, you know, I'm living in the moment.
I'm making some positive changes, all right? That's my whole new approach, so meet me at the firehouse at, like, 6:30, all right? All right, but just in case, I'm bringing Teddy.
Alrighty.
Yeah, and plenty of goddamn bullets.
Ha.
Here it is, boys, our secret weapon.
This is like a culinary smart bomb.
Once the folks in the community taste these brownies, they are bound to fall in love with us.
You're a genius, Lou.
Quickest way to a man's heart's through his stomach, unless of course you're Franco.
Then you go right in through the dick.
I heard that.
It's true.
Now, where is my secret ingredient? I smoked it.
Oh, weed joke.
Very funny.
Why don't you wait for Chong to get here and do the routine? I smoked pot one time, but it made me hungry and horny, which are my two main things, so why would I want to be hungrier or hornier? And what about stupid? Mike.
What? Franco would like to know if you smoke weed? You mean, pot? "You mean, pot?" after I retire, if I don't burn up in a fire, I'm thinking about opening up a restaurant.
Gonna call it Chaz Lou, like the French Chaz Lou, but instead of c-h-a-z, I was gonna use my own spelling, you know, s-h-e-a, so it would be Shea Lou.
You get it? Mm.
Pack the place with Met fans.
Classy.
Everybody's a comedian.
Aah! Christ! I'm okay.
Lou, I'm gonna tell you something, but I want you to remember that I love you, okay? You're fat.
That is an old step ladder.
It's brand-new.
It's made in China.
It's made of aluminum.
Chinese aluminum.
Which you broke reaching for your private stash of fudge.
French fudge.
Is this French fudge? That fudge was not for my consumption.
That was for the good of this house.
Once people out there taste those brownies, let me tell you, the department tries to shut down this house, there will be riots! Or just a lot of fat people stuck in burning buildings.
Hey, guys.
Tom, what's up? Hey.
I got a Hey.
That ladder's broken.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got it.
I have an announcement that I want to make.
I am quitting drinking.
Guys, I'm Hey.
Listen.
I almost, you know, got, assassinated, and it's making me, you know I'm making some changes.
I'm gonna try to be more patient.
I'm gonna, you know, I'm not gonna have a knee-jerk, angry reaction every time something happens, and like I said, no booze.
And I really I just wanted to say it out loud as part of my new thing.
Um, really, I don't know how I'll be able to express my gratitude to you guys because I wouldn't be standing here right now, if it weren't for you guys, you know? You hear this bullshit? Stop it, Tommy.
Hey.
I need to talk to you in the locker room.
We were all laughing.
No, no, no.
It's not about now.
This part of my new I'm making amends stimulus package that I'm doing.
I gonna talk to you, and then I'm gonna talk to Damien and then to Lou, all right? Whoa, wait.
So what about me? What? What about you? Well, you've been mean to me for, like, the last 10 years, so Pfft! You're right.
I sincerely apologize.
I have undervalued you, I have made fun of you, and I'm sorry, and I will do my best in the future to make certain that doesn't happen again.
You're a terrific guy and I think you're a terrific firefighter.
I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Come on.
You okay, brother? I don't know.
What's up, Tommy? Hey.
So how you doing with Colleen? How's things going? Okay.
I mean, it's a little hard for us to, you know, get some action going on with the kids and Janet always around, but we pick our spots.
You're not talking about You mean, the drinking.
Mm.
Well, the drinking, you know, the drinking is She's Pfft! Bad.
She It's bad, Tommy.
I mean, I guess the way she took it after I told her about how you, you know Called her straight from the hospital, and the next day, man, she just started hitting it hard.
I'm gonna handle this.
Don't worry about it, okay? I got it.
Um, how you doing? I'm all right.
I mean drinking-wise.
You know me.
I have my one or two pussy-ass drinks, and I'm good, son.
All right.
I see you tasted Lou's brownies.
Delicious and free, two of my three favorite words.
What's the third one? Chutzpah, which you must have a hell of a lot of to come marching in here.
Really? See, I thought chutzpah, or where I come from shit for brains, is hitching our bets for this house staying open on a goddamn barbeque rather than going down to H.
Q.
And making our case.
Not a good idea.
We go and plead our case, we look desperate.
You're afraid to go down there.
That's it, isn't it? You don't wanna ruffle any feathers just in case we do get shot down.
While we're discussing shit for brains, what about a chief sitting in the bar, drinking, while one of his guys gets shot? All right.
Fine.
Screw H.
Q.
Put our numbers up against West Side.
Our saves, our response times, we're clearly the better house.
What about shootings? What do I do when that comes up? Huh? What do we say then, huh? "We only shoot guys in our own crew.
" Hey.
Hey.
Um, you got a little What? I got toothpaste on my lip again? I get it? No.
A little.
Let's see.
Got it.
Hey.
Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
Um, so, uh, how you doing? Uh, I mean, you know, I haven't really I haven't gotten a chance to make an actual save on my own yet, but, uh, I've been in there, in the shit.
I mean, I'm sure it's not as scary as getting shot, but it's still pretty scary.
I'm joking.
Come on.
Well, I just wanted to, you know, say could be any day now, could be today.
If you got into the real shit, you're gonna find out what you're really made of, you know.
I know.
Okay.
No, you don't know.
I know you think that you know, but you don't.
What if you get stuck in the shit today, all right, this afternoon? You got fire up your ass and smoke in your eyes and ears, don't know what's going on, and you come to find out, you know, that you're a coward? I'm not a coward.
Okay.
Just shut up.
Don't give me that attitude, okay? Every single fireman you know, me, Lou, your father, your Uncle Teddy, okay, we've all done the same thing.
We've all been in that situation, and we passed the test, some with flying colors.
Your father's in the firefighter hall of fame.
Ugh, if it is today or tomorrow, you get into the real shit and you find out that you are, you know, a coward Uh, you know Shut up and listen to me.
There's no shame in that, see what I'm saying? No shame, no blame.
All right.
Yeah.
You know what? I mean, I have been a little scared sometimes, just, I don't know, like, shaky.
There's no shame in that.
You should feel that way.
There would be something wrong if you didn't feel that way.
Just saying if it comes to the other thing, it's That will be okay.
It will be fine.
All right.
Come here.
What? Come here.
Listen.
Your father and I are very proud of you no matter what, okay? We're proud of the man that you've become, all right? We love you.
Just, uh, remember that.
All right.
Thanks.
You're drunk.
Do I smell drunk? You don't have to smell drunk to be drunk.
I'm not drunk.
All right.
I'm clear as a bell.
Okay.
It's the clearest I've ever been, okay? All right.
It was a good talk though.
Yeah.
Pills.
Definitely pills.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I was in the area.
I thought I'd drop by and say hello.
In what area? Let me guess.
New York State, huh, the western hemisphere? Come on.
Did you talk to him yet? Yes, I did.
And? And it's gonna It's gonna take a little time, you know.
Wait, wait.
Do you realize that every time you walk into this firehouse unannounced, You're just making him dig his heels in.
He's stuck in He's working at a place where the guys he works with can't wait to get more ammunition to bust his balls with.
It's just gonna make him more stubborn.
What? Come Stop it.
I have every right to drop in and say hello to my son.
Okay.
Right has nothing to do with it.
Listen.
We You know, I gave him the information.
I'm his uncle, and I'm an old fireman, and I'm uncool, so imagine how uncool it is when your mom drops by? My God.
You know, no one tells you about this at all, all the worry that goes in to when they're babies and when they're kids.
It gets worse.
When they're grown-up, it's still bad.
I know.
No, you don't know, okay, because you've got girls.
I got a boy, who's a goddamn fireman.
Fix it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey.
What are you doing? Reading.
Can I talk to you? Is this a "I have to stop what I'm doing and pay attention" talk, or is it a "I don't have "to really pay attention and continue what I'm doing" talk? Remember when I told you when I died, I didn't see anything? Yeah.
I lied.
I saw something.
I'm all ears! Great.
It's just between you and me now, right? Absolutely.
Brinks truck.
Nothing in, nothing out.
All right.
Promise not to judge me.
I won't judge you, Tom.
Come on.
For God's sakes, I'm your best friend forever.
You know that.
That's right.
Unless, you know, I meet Jeter or something like that.
Goes without saying, right? Go ahead.
Ahem.
I die.
I see Jimmy.
I see all the guys from 9/11.
They're all there.
I don't talk to everybody obviously, but they're all there, all 343 of them.
I mean, I don't see all of them individually, but, you know, it's them.
They're all around me, and we're walking towards a bright, white light.
I know, but that's what we were doing.
And then we get I get blown back.
And we get separated, and I'm, like, in a hallway, like, I'm at a job.
It's smoky, and it's full of fire.
It's bad, and I can hear people screaming and there's apartment doors in this hallway, so I open the doors, I see Janet, and then I I can't get in there, you know.
And fire's chasing me and I So I get to this next door, and I go in this room, and it's just full of smoke, man, and the door closes behind me, and I see Colleen and Katy, and they're in turmoil.
And I can't get to them, and these arms are clawing at me.
It's like It's like zombies.
So I just fight my way back here.
Hey, guys.
I think we might have to get Tommy a priest.
I'm pretty sure he's allergic.
Seriously.
I overheard him telling Lou about all he saw when he died, and it was some messed up stuff, like blazing heat and dead relatives and zombies.
It sounded like he was going to hell.
Or Florida.
Tommy goes to hell, or in other news, the sun will be setting in the west this evening, and Barry Bonds was on steroids.
Seriously, I think he needs, like, an exorcism or something.
Can't.
Pope canceled them.
Canceled exorcisms, any chance of gay marriage, and limbo.
He can't cancel a dance.
Guys, I think Tommy's just doing his best to try and get right with God.
He's pretty much missed that "get right with God" boat.
If God's keeping score, then Mikey's screwed after that gay thing.
It was a phase, dude.
Well, it was a phase full of sin, Mike.
I mean, jeez.
God hates gays supposedly, right? Unless you're a priest.
Then it's okay.
Father Mike.
You know what? You're totally screwed for the jerking off too much thing.
I think we're all screwed for the jerking off too much.
If we stop, there's a chance of getting into heaven.
You stop jerking off, all your tensions gonna back up, you'll fly into a rage and start killing people.
Then you're right back where you started, going to hell.
Well, I for one am gonna put myself on a strict, non-negotiable jerk off diet, set a quota.
What are you thinking, cut back once a day? No.
It's gotta be more drastic.
I'm thinking every other day.
Every 48 hours.
No.
Every other day is good.
Thanks, though.
What are we talking about here? It's like my soul, right? I gotta make it right with God.
Hey.
You know what we should do, seriously? Other good things.
All of us, really.
Isn't that pretty much our job? When we're outside of the firehouse, when we're off the clock.
If we die and there is a whole afterworld thing, don't we want our asses covered? In terms of the whole jerking off thing, once every 36 hours, I think, is good, right? I mean, the good deeds, that will buy us at least 12 hours, right? You know what I'm thinking? Working with the blind.
The blind know how to jerk off.
How do you think they got that way? But I like your focus.
You're right.
Once every 24 hours.
That's about as much as I can cut back and still, incorporate the whole living focused and tempering your impulses thing.
So you're back to once a day.
Who's counting really? What are you guys talking about? Um, Mets.
American Idol.
Jerking off.
Heh.
American Idol.
Well, look at that.
Call comes in smack dab between us and West Side's Wildmen, and look who's first on the scene.
This structure's unstable, so keep your hats on.
There's a kid trapped down there.
Where? The basement, on the side.
Show us.
Frankie, go get a rope.
Yeah.
No, no big fella.
You're on the bleachers for this one.
Well, look who decided to show up.
Sean-o, keep your eyes on that wall.
You see any movement at all, you scream.
You got it, Lou.
Hey.
Jesus Christ.
Where did you come from? What do you think? What's up? He's going in.
The hell he is.
Don't use that word.
It looks dangerous, but I think it will be all right.
There's no access to the basement from the interior, he's the only one got a chance.
All right.
I'm going.
Don't go.
I don't think you should go.
There is a child trapped under there.
He's going.
This is your job.
This is what you've been trained for.
Now go.
Just be careful, okay? Come on.
Come on.
Oh, shit! It's all right.
Go ahead.
Let's go.
You got it.
Let's go.
Take it easy and slow.
Come on.
Get low.
Get in there.
Watch yourself, bud.
That's it.
That's it.
Give him some slack.
Give me some slack.
Yep, yep, yep.
Go easy.
Hey, guys.
Heads-up.
What? Sorry.
I mean, look at that thing over there.
It's like a giant green tit.
Will you just watch the goddamn wall? Dami.
Dame-o, what's going on back there? You okay? Damien! Dame! Got him! Ugh.
Can you move him? He's conscious.
I'm gonna push him out.
Good.
Pull him out.
All right.
Take it easy! Oh, shit.
Hey, guys.
Yeah, yeah.
We know, the tit.
No, there's a crack.
An ass crack? No, a crack in the wall.
- Oh, my God.
Hurry up.
- Get out of there faster.
Watch his head, Mike.
Come on.
All right.
Nice.
Yeah.
There you go.
All right.
Good.
Good stuff, Dame-o.
- Come on, Damien.
- Come on.
Get out of there.
Hold on.
Watch this.
- Good job.
- Yeah, bro.
All right, pal.
Good work.
You all right? - Let's go, let's go.
- Good job.
You okay? I could use a drink.
Well, that we can oblige.
Good stuff, probie.
You see, Tommy? I told you he'd be fine.
You're worse than his mother.
Yeah.
Well You gotta be shitting me.
Hey, Dad.
Hi.
What's going on? Wyatt's asleep, and Mom's listening to her iPod on the deck.
Mom bought an iPod? Uncle Franco bought it for her.
Oh, my God! Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ! You scared the shit out of me! I just was You okay down there? Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm her husband.
So what? Shut up! Unbelievable.
Oh.
I didn't know you had the thing.
Tommy, you can't sneak up from behind and hug somebody like that.
At night? Jesus.
Sorry.
What? Nothing.
Just I wanted to tell you that I, uh, got the groceries.
Oh, that is not your "I got the groceries" face.
That is your "I've got something to say" face.
Spit it out.
What? What? I What? Oh, my God.
You have feelings.
Okay.
Oh.
No, no, wait.
You've changed.
No, no.
Your greatest hit.
You're stopping drinking.
No For real this time.
It was the second one.
Listen.
Obviously, you know, what happened, you know, you have to You know.
It's one of those things, and I know You know, it's I just wanted to make it clear to you that my feelings for you are I think that they're stronger than they've ever been, and I just wanted to express that to you.
So everything's gonna be different as of right now? Yeah.
Well, it is different.
Hey.
People can change, honey.
Yeah, Tommy, I know.
I sure as hell did.
You know, I used to to have fun, heh, instead of griping.
But now everything that I do is coated in anger and cynicism and ash.
I hate what you've made me.
Look, we're here, So who gives a shit about any of it? I don't.
You know, the only change that I'm interested in involves the kids.
You know, I want Katy to have as normal a next few years as she can have before college.
Wyatt doesn't know the difference yet, but if it's good for her, then it's gonna be fine for him.
And as for today, you really wanna make a difference? Then you go talk to Colleen.
She gets off work in an hour.
Okay.
Okay.
I am so not ready to hug yet.
Is it impossible for us to walk and talk like two adult people having I think you're drinking too much.
And I'm not the only one who thinks that.
And I think you're drinking for all the wrong reasons.
That's what I think.
Jesus Christ.
I'm trying to explain something to you here.
Let's get a drink.
We're not getting a drink.
That's what you'd do if I were a boy.
You'd give me a severe talking to, and then you'd throw your arm around my neck and say, "Let's get a drink, kid.
" That's what you'd do if it were Connor standing here.
I bet that's exactly what you'd do.
I bet it's what grandpa did with you too.
Jesus! She's knocking them back like a Kennedy over there.
As long as she doesn't drive like one.
Hey, sexy.
Give me another.
I'm learning a valuable lesson.
This is what I don't understand.
This what my old man did to me, made me drink and smoke until, I felt like quitting.
And now you're finally thinking of actually really giving up drinking, what, three decades later? Okay.
Cool.
Nice.
So in 30 years from now, I'll get the old Colleen back.
Can't wait.
How many has she had? I'm sure Eddie's keeping exact I think I bought her, like, four double vodkas to start.
That's Keith Richards territory.
How about you just order a body bag, Tommy? Listen.
How many drinks does it normally take her to go from happy to angry? Six.
Six.
Hey! What are you looking at, bitch? Six it is.
Ahem.
Hey, coz.
Hey.
I get what you're trying, the tough love.
It's old school, it's admirable.
I'd probably do the same thing if I was in your shoes.
Hmm.
You want me to put something in Colleen's drink, something to make her sick to her stomach, make her pass out, something like that? No, thanks.
That's a great idea, but too late for that I think.
Although maybe you should make one of those for me.
God.
Fifteen bucks.
What? Yeah.
Fifteen bucks.
These are drugs.
I'm giving them retail.
You're telling me that if I wanted to give her, you would've charged me 15? You are the cheapest Any idea how much these things cost? I'm your cousin So what? I'm trying to save my daughter Tommy.
Yeah! Swear to God.
Hey.
How you doing? You are the best uncle, Tom, the best, and this is the best goddamn job ever.
Yeah, it is.
No.
You were right.
You were right.
I didn't know, but I know now.
Yeah? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry about that.
No, no, no! Come here.
Hey.
Thanks.
Hey.
Oh.
Ah, ah I got a phone call.
Shawn, no! Chill out, chill out.
Yeah? Hey.
Did you talk to her? Uh, yes, I did.
And? It's going good.
Where are you? Um, the I gotta call you back.
Kids, hey, hey.
Tommy.
Enough! Let her go.
- You all right? - Stupid.
Okay, okay.
Just relax.
Hey.
What are you guys doing here? The guys in the firehouse said you'd be here.
What, did you forget our little appointment? Ah, you're drunk.
No.
No.
He hasn't had a drop.
Cheap prick.
You know what? Cheap prick, huh? Here.
Buy a shot for everybody in the bar.
Everybody! It's one free drink on me, all right? Give me one too.
Give me a goddamn hockey helmet full of Irish whiskey.
How's that sound? I know.
I know.
I know what I said.
I was gonna change.
Today was the day and blah, blah, blah, but, you know, the world is not cooperating, you know? I'm taking shit from my wife.
I'm trying to make amends with her.
I'm supposed to watch my godson, make sure he doesn't get himself killed.
I'm supposed to get to her quit drinking.
You can see how that's going.
My other daughter wants to win a blow job contest.
She's not involved.
It's not happening.
Don't worry about it.
You know, they had one of those when I was in school.
I came in third.
See what I'm talking about? This is what I'm dealing with.
I'm just kidding.
I won.
Okay.
I'm trying to be nice, and I'm trying to be kind, and I'm trying to be patient, but it's not my thing.
I gotta do this in baby steps.
It's been a long, long, long-ass day, so I know that I got to quit smoking and drinking, but We're gonna have to just pick one, and it looks like today is the day that I quit smoking.
So shoot me.
I didn't bring my gun.
I thought we were taking him to a meeting.
Wait, wait! I think I have a knife.
Forget the knife.
We're gonna need a bazooka.
Better make it a big one.