The Croods: Family Tree (2021) s06e02 Episode Script

[grunts in effort]
-[scream]
-[growls]
-[animals chirping]
-THUNK: Well, the good news is
we're getting
some quality hangtime.
-Yup. We just gotta hangtough.
-That's the spirit!
Can't get hungup
on the small stuff,
like being eaten
by a scorpulion.
EEP:
Maybe we should
keep it positive, Dawn.
DAWN:
Right. I bet we're delicious.
-So what do we do now?
-Ooh!
We hangin there. Nailed it!
-Have we reached
the screaming part yet?
-Yeah, we're there.
-[screaming]
-[roaring, snapping]
-Oh no! Who will save us?
[barking]
[growls]
ALL: Douglas?
[snarls]
[growls]
-[snarling]
-[barking]
[roars]
-[smack]
-[slow-motion roar]
[barking, panting]
[all screaming]
ALL: Whoa!
[laughter]
-[happy grumble]
-DAWN: Good boy, Douglas.
-No. He's the bestboy.
ALL: Douglas!
Douglas! Douglas! Douglas
-[mumbling] Huh?
Oh, Douglas! I just had
the craziest dream about you.
-[grumbling]
-[Thunk laughs]
I'll tell you about it
in the morning.
Looks like you're busy saving
the world in your dreams, too.
Because heroes
like you never rest.
[grumbling]
[voracious eating]
Let's live wild,
the world's our own
We built this wheel
now it's gunna roll
You know a spark
becomes a fire wherever we go
Whoa-ho-ho
Stuck together,
stuck, stuck together
It's an evolution
for worse or for better
To find some unity
For all humanity
Because
we're stuck together
In one big family tree
[chittering]
-I bet Belt cracks first.
-No way!
Belt is all about self-control.
But I think we know
who's gonna lose. Hint, hint.
It rhymes with "rash."
[chattering, squeaking]
-Sash! Don't do it!
You're better than this.
[disappointed chittering,
squeaking]
-Now, that'sa great place
to keep your snacks.
-They're not holding our snacks.
It's a test of discipline.
Whoever can keep the treat
on their nose longest wins.
-Cool. Can we play?
Douglas is totally disciplined.
-Yes! Default win!
The sweetest victory!
-Wait, wait.
What does discipline mean again?
-It doesn't mean hungry.
-No? Well, either way,
Douglas is still
the best pet on the farm.
-Uh yeah. Sure. The best.
-Don't get me wrong.
Douglas is great,
but "best pet on the farm"
great? I don't know.
-He's the best
at lots of things.
Eating. Sleeping. That.
-He's a real triple threat.
-Did you hear that, Douglas?
You're a triple threat.
That's at least five threats.
[grunts]
-But seriously,
we all know which pet
is the best on the farm, right?
ALL: [simultaneously]
Chunky! Sash! Belt! Douglas!
-Okay, maybe we don't all know.
-But I know how we can find out.
-So are you gonna tell us or
-In through the nose,
out through the mouth
[Grug breathing loudly]
-[loud inhale]
Hey, do you hear that breathing?
-Yes! It's you!
And it's in through the nose,
out through the mouth.
You're all mouth.
-Mom! Dad!
-What? What's the matter?
Is everything okay?
-No, everything is not okay!
We have a huge problem!
-Oh no! Did your father
singe his eyebrows off again?
-Phil's done that before?
-Yes, and he looked like
an adult baby.
-[screams]
-It's not that.
We need to know who
the best pet on the farm is.
So, just tell
everyone it's Chunky,
and we can move on.
-Or we could just move on now.
-I get your hesitation, Ugga,
because, obviously,
the best pet is Belt.
-It's okay, Mom.
They can handle the truth.
It's clearly Sash.
-And by Chunky, Belt, and Sash,
they all mean Douglas.
[whimpers]
[laughs] Attaboy, Douglas!
I'd like to see
the other pets around here
get their heads stuck
in a beemu nest
and slam into a tree like that.
-As fun as that sounds,
let's do absolutely
anything else instead.
-Nice try. So, tell us
which one is it?
-I think they're all the best.
-Or the worst.
Either way, it's a tie.
-[protesting]
-That's just an answer moms give
when they don't wanna
give a real answer.
-Pick a side, moms!
-We need to know now!
-Well, how are we supposed
to answer that? It's impossible.
[sings high note]
- Unlesswe have a contest
to pick the best pet!
Pit them against each other,
have challenges
that test their loyalty,
their intelligence
-And their special talents!
Like making people laugh!
Do the pie thing, Belt.
[chittering, splat]
-Ooh! And Ugga,
you and I can be the judges!
We'll watch them try their best
and then we'll tell them
what they did wrong,
no matter how petty!
Won't that be fun?
-Fun? No.
But, it's gonna happen anyway
because there's
no stopping this disaster.
So, I guess I'm in.
-I'm in, too!
Wait, what are we doing?
-Then it's settled!
Go get your pets ready, kids!
Because we're gonna
separate the best pet
from the other inferior pets
based solely on our opinions!
[coughs]
-Oh, that'swhat we're doing.
-Yep. Whether we like it or not.
-Come on! Let's pit our pets
against each other
in a competition
they don't understand!
[cheering]
-Okay, Douglas.
I know competing,
or trying in general
isn't really our thing,
but we've gotta prove that
you're the best pet on the farm.
-So let's get you ready!
-[growls]
[panting]
-Hm
-[grumbles]
Yeah, I don't know
what to do either.
-EEP: 298!
-[barks]
-299! 300!
-[grunting]
-Alright, that's it, Chunky!
-[growls]
Now that you're warmed up,
let's get serious!
-Whoa.
I have no idea
what they're doing,
but if it works for them
[straining]
[groaning]
One! [gasps]
So let's never do that again.
-DAWN: Okay, Sash.
-[barks]
Find the strawpeary.
[chittering, squeak]
That's five in a row!
[laughs]
You really are the smartest!
-[whines]
-[Thunk grumbles]
-Okay, watch closely.
[giggles]
-Come on, buddy. You can do it.
-[sniffing]
-Find the bug nugget.
-[whines, barks]
Hey! Where are you going?
Oh, attaboy, Douglas!
Working smarter, not harder.
-I like it. Huh?
-GUY: Keep it going, Belt!
[chittering]
Well, you've mastered
juggling papynapples.
Should we move on
to flaming axes?
Ah! I was kidding. Put it out.
-[laughs] Now, thatis talent.
But what's your talent, buddy?
[panting]
Hm
Ah! You beat me again,
Douglas! Way to go.
-You're a stare master.
-[barking]
Okay, you got
this contest in the bag.
Time for a pre-game nap.
[grunting]
[both snoring]
-298! 299!
300! Ah!
Still time to call this off.
Chunky is a lock,
and there's no shame
in avoiding shame.
-Chunky might be strong,
but can he do this?
[chirping, chittering]
-Or this?
[squeaking, chattering]
-Greetings, children!
The olive-adoes are ripe
and ready for picking.
It's backbreaking work
in the blazing hot sun.
-You'll love it!
-[smashing]
-What on flat Earth
is wrong with Belt?
-[chattering]
[gasps] Has he been poisoned?!
-No. He's spinning plates!
We're having a contest
to pick the best pet!
And Belt's gonna win.
-A pet contest, hm?
How interesting.
-Don't worry, Dad.
We won't bother you.
I know you don't like pets.
Or animals in general really.
-What? Absurd. I love pets!
EEP: No, you don't!
You called Chunky
a natural disaster
of filth and fur.
-In jest, Chunky!
You know I'd never insult you.
And then admit it.
-And after all these moons,
-you've never once hugged Sash.
-[chittering]
-[squeaking, squawking]
-PHIL: Ew
Because
I didn't want her
to get too attached to me
and abandon you!
No, pets are my passion.
That and cutthroat competition.
But more the pet thing.
And, to prove it,
I'm going to win
this pet contest
with my pet Zenithees!
-You have a pet named Zenithees?
-Yes, but he's shy.
That's why
you've never seen him.
But you will!
As soon as I convince him
to make an appearance.
In fact, I'll get him right now.
Don't start without me!
-Clearly, there is no Zenithees.
-Clearly.
-So we're starting without him?
-Clearly.
-You have been selected
as a potential candidate
to represent me,
Phil Betterman,
in a best-in-farm
pet competition.
So, tell me! Are you a beast
worthy of the name Zenithees?
-[clucking, deep squawk]
-Excellent!
Now, dazzle me!
[goat scream]
Eh. Next!
-Welcome to the first
-And definitely last.
-Best Pet
on the Farm Contest!
-Are we seriously
going through with this?
-Absolutely!
And, as we all know,
a good pet is loyal.
They stick by you
no matter how many times
you make fun of their topknot.
-Hope. Pets. Not Phils.
-Right.
And they stay by your side,
even in the face of temptation.
[chittering]
So, for the first challenge,
we'll see if your pet will stay
by your side in the face of
delicious ribs.
-[cart squeaking]
-Did someone say ribs?!
Because I got ribs right here!
And I didn't eat any of them!
You can check!
[burps] Actually, don't.
-So the pet that can resist
these ribs the longest will win!
-Ah!
-[barking]
-And Douglas is out.
-Oh, so is Thunk!
-So is Grug!
I call dibs on the ribs!
[all voraciously eating]
-Maybe we should start
before everyone is out.
-Don't rush me, Ugga.
And go!
-You got this, Chunky.
-[growling]
Eye of the tigerangutan.
[slurping]
-I think you mean
Belt's got this.
-[chittering]
-Yeah, if by Belt you mean Sash!
-[excited chattering]
Because there is literally
no way she can lose.
-Sash is totally gonna lose.
That's why I'm Team Chunky.
Go, Chunky!
[whining, growling]
-Chunky, no!
[snarls]
-I knew Chunky would break.
He's no match for ribs.
That's why I'm Team Belt.
Go, Belt!
-Come on, Belt!
You're stronger than you think.
[squeaky yell]
I was wrong!
You broke my heart, Belt!
You broke my heart!
-Woo! You got whip-Sashed!
-[chirping]
-Impressive.
And talk about loyal.
-She sure is.
It definitely helps
that she's a vegetarian.
[chirping, chomping]
-Yeah, but so is Belt! Or was.
[chirping, chewing]
-Yes! Sash wins!
-Huh.
Because she's a Betterman!
And she's the best pet!
Not that I have a favorite
because I'm a judge.
A fair, impartial judge.
-Obviously.
-I knew Sash was gonna win.
-And in summation,
that is why I believe
you are the perfect creature
to be my pet.
So, do we have a deal?
-[monkey shrieks]
-[gasping, grunting]
A simple "no"
would have sufficed!
Oh, wait! This is a simple no
-in your language! Next!
-[shrieking continues]
-A good pet is smart.
When they're up against
an obstacle,
they always figure out
how to get past it.
Instead of letting a pipe
leak for moons and moons
because they can't figure out
how to fix it!
-Right. Because that's
a pet issue, not a Phil issue.
-If your pets wanna quit
while they're ahead,
or should I say behind,
I'll totally understand.
-Uh
-Too much?
-Dawn, this is a contest!
There's no such thing
as too much.
-Ooh, good. Then get ready
to live inside a bearacuda
'cause me and Sash
are gonna feed you to one!
-Good! Like the energy!
Also a little scared of it.
-Okay, buddy. Even though
you've never done
an obstacle course,
or much of anything,
I believe in you.
-So, for the second challenge,
you'll take on
this obstacle course!
The first pet to cross
the finish vine wins!
Unless I decide otherwise
because I'm a judge.
-Is that how judges work?
-And go!
-[roars]
[cheering]
[barks, whines]
[groaning]
-Sash is definitely
taking this one.
-Uh-huh.
'Cause Sash is winning.
-No! 'Cause Sash is winning!
And she won the last one,
which means Sash is a winner,
and I always pick the winner.
-Except in the last challenge,
when you picked Chunky.
-At first, but then
I said Sash was gonna win
because Sash was winning.
[chirping]
[yawns]
-Uh, Belt knows
there's more race, right?
-Belt has a plan. Don't worry.
[barking, whining]
-Chunky! This is important!
Stop playing and start climbing!
[roars]
-[wood cracking]
-[vines creaking]
-[Chunky grumbling]
-[Sash chirping]
[grunting, shrieking]
-Told you Chunky
was gonna win this thing.
-Sure, because you've said
that about all the pets.
[snarling, roar]
[chittering]
[squeaking]
[chattering]
-And that was Belt's plan.
He may be sloth slow,
but when it counts,
he'll make you a Belt believer.
-[chattering]
-I declare the winner
of this challenge is Belt!
because I'm a judge,
and I say so.
-And because he actually won.
-GRUG: Yes!
I called it!
That's how you pick a winner!
-By picking them after they win?
-But Belt didn't win!
He didn't do
any of the obstacles!
-All I said was "first pet
to cross the finish vine wins."
I didn't say how.
And as a judge,
my word is law!
-And as the other judge,
my word is "sorry."
-And Belt's word is "dance."
Victory dance!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
[grunting, chattering]
-We need to step it up, Douglas.
[snoring]
As soon as you wake up.
-So, you want to be
my Zenithees, eh?
-Of course you do! Who wouldn't?
-[growling]
But to earn that honor,
you must prove yourself worthy.
And how does one do that?
By mindlessly obeying
my every command.
[growling]
[panting]
-Next!
-[roars]
-Finally, the last challenge
is the talent show!
It's my favorite because this is
when my judging really shines.
-So, to be clear, this
pet contest is all about you.
-What do you mean?
A talent show has it all.
Music, dancing,
and a platform where
my opinion has ultimate power.
Besides,
it's what I wanna judge,
-and I'm the judge.
-You mean we're the judge?
-Yeah, we're the judge.
-You're not a judge.
-[laughs] Good one!
-[laughs] This isn't even fair.
Belt has so much talent.
They may not
let him leave the stage.
-Don't be so sure, Guy,
because Sash is gonna bring
the tree house down.
-Yeah, well, Chunky's gonna
set the tree house on fire!
[grumbling sigh]
-What? But, where will we live?
-Not a real fire, Dawn.
It'll just feellike it.
-Oh In that case,
Sash is gonna
blow the tree house up,
grind it into dust,
mix the dust into dough,
and bake some tree house bread!
-Well, I hope
you and Guy are hungry
'cause when Chunky wins,
you two are gonna eat
that tree house bread
for loser lunch!
-Hey, what about us?
Don't sleep on Douglas!
Just because
Douglas is sleeping.
-Wouldn't dream of it. Ha!
Okay, Belt. It's showtime.
-Wait, Belt is playing drums?
He can't.
Sash is playing drums!
-Exactly! Right after Belt.
Good luck.
[Belt chittering, squeaking]
-Well, this challenge is over
before it even started,
'cause Belt is gonna
win this one for sure!
-Will you please
stop doing that?
-Doing what?
Cheering for whichever
pet is in the lead
because all I care about
is being right?
-I'm not doing that.
-UGGA: Hm
[skilled drumming]
-Dawn! What are you doing?
-I'm turning this
into a drum duel!
May the best sloth win!
-Judges?!
-I'll allow it.
-I don't care.
-Drum duel it is!
[drumming]
-So who's gonna win now, Grug?
-Belt. No, Sash.
No, Belt! No, Sash!
[drumming intensifies]
[both panting, sigh]
[gasps]
-Oh no! They beat
themselves down.
-Ah, they went too sloth!
-Whoa.
They were really good!
Hey, Dougboat,
I know were gonna stare
your way to the top,
but I'm starting to think
we need to go bigger.
Do something inspiring.
Something that'll make those
judges wanna be better people.
Something no one else can do.
-But, what?
-[Doug grumbling]
[singing high note]
Okay, Mom and Dad and other Mom!
Get ready to have
your minds blown.
-Thunk, honey,
what exactly is Douglas' talent?
-He can sleep through anything.
Watch!
-[snoring]
-[banging]
[chiming]
[loud blowing]
[goat scream]
[loud chewing]
[howling]
-[chiming]
-It doesn't matter
how loud it gets!
He just keeps sleeping!
-[blowing shell, goat scream]
-I have to admit,
it's pretty impressive!
[wind chimes chiming,
blowing shell]
-And the wind chimes
are a nice touch!
-This is Douglas' to lose
'cause he's definitely
gonna win!
-Mm-hmm!
[panting, growls]
-Okay, Chunky!
Let's see what you got.
Chunky's good at lots of things,
but I'm not sure
the stage is one of them.
So, if you need a snack break,
now's your chance.
-Good call 'cause
Chunky's going down.
-[click]
Huh?
[soft music playing]
[gasps]
[purring, growling]
-Since when does Chunky
know how to dance like that?
-That's not dancing. [sobs]
It's a celebration of life
through movement.
And that's my expert opinion
as a judge.
-[crying]:
I told you Chunky
would move us to tears!
-[crying]:
It's just so beautiful!
[roars]
[applause, cheering]
-Bravo!
-[growls]
-Well, I think
it's pretty obvious
who won the talent show.
At least to me
because I'm a judge.
-Guy and Dawn, sorry your pets
couldn't drum up a victory.
See what I did there? [grunts]
Up top, Chunky! [laughs]
-So? Who won the contest?
-Who's the best pet?
-Yeah! All the pets
won a challenge!
Well, except Douglas.
Sorry, Thunk.
-It's okay. It's not over.
HOPE: Nope. It's over.
And now the judges will decide
who won after we confer.
-We will?
-We sure will!
Let's confer, whatever that is.
Do we need logs?
I'll go grab some.
-[panting]
-Aw.
I really thought
we'd show 'em, Douglas.
I guess I was wrong. [laughing]
Aw, you're right, pal.
Who cares what
anyone else thinks?
Because even though
you didn't win,
you'll always be
the best pet to me.
PHIL: Stop the competition!
A true champion
has just arrived!
-Too late, Phil.
The contest is over.
It's in the judges' hands now,
-which are my hands!
-And mine.
And I'm ending this
as soon as possible.
GRUG: If you want in,
you'll need a log!
PHIL: Nonsense!
Those other pets are unfit
to share the same air
with my domesticated wildling.
Behold, in all his glory
Zenithees! [growling]
[roars]
-Phil! You brought a wild
tigerangutan onto the farm?
Have you lost your mind?!
-Yes, with pride!
Because I have tamed
this savage beast with love!
Now, watch as Zenithees performs
an exotic ribbon dance
to prove his pet supremacy.
Okay, Zenithees.
Time to bring the wow!
Now, remember to smile
and keep those toes pointed.
The judges
will be looking for that.
And a-one and a-two and a--
[roars]
-Yeah, Zenithees is definitely
winning this one!
-You might actually
be right this time!
[all growling]
-[chittering]
-[nervous laugh]
What do we do now?
-What we always do
in situations like this.
We fight!
-Yeah! Eye of the tigerangutan!
-[snarls]
-Or Chunky handles it.
-Works for me.
-[roaring]
-[smack]
-[slow-motion roar]
[screaming]
[panting, gasping]
[growling]
-So, what's Plan B?
-We run?
-That would work.
If we could run through rock.
-Okay. Is there a Plan C?
[barking]
-[barking]
-[confused snarl]
-No. But there is a Plan E.
"E" for Douglas!
-I think you mean Plan D,
T-bone.
-No. Plan E.
-Yeah, but D comes after C,
and Douglas starts with a D.
-Not following you.
-Here, I'll show you.
So I said, "What's Plan B?"
And then Eep
said it was too late.
And then Dawn was like,
"Is there a Plan C?"
And then you'd say,
"No, but there is a Plan D
-because D is for Douglas."
-[growls]
-No, that doesn't work at all.
-[barks]
[barking]
But Douglas willsave us!
If he could do it in my dreams,
he could do it in our reals!
-Um, not sure that's true.
[barking]
-Is this how it happened
in your dream?
-[laughs] Oh, no.
This is way better!
[barks, groans]
I know you got this, Douglas!
Even if it looks like
we're doomed!
[panting, shaking]
[growls]
[tires squeal, engine revving]
[barks]
[crumbling]
[curious growl]
[all gasp]
[grunting]
-[all cheering]
-[barks]
[cheering, chattering]
[laughs] Douglas, you did it.
You saved us!
-You're a good boy, Douglas.
-No. He's the best boy.
[happy bark]
-Well, that settles it.
Now we know who the best pet
on the farm is.
-We sure do.
-No doubt about it.
-Yep. Couldn't be more obvious.
-[chittering]
ALL:
Sash! Belt! Douglas! Chunky!
-Which means
they're all the best pet.
Just like I said
from the beginning.
-I said that from the beginning.
-Pie to celebrate?
Great idea, Hope.
-I didn't say that!
-[cheering]
-Stay away from my pies!
-Oof! That went so much
better than I thought it would.
-Well, that didn't go
exactly as planned.
But, hiccups aside,
I think it's safe to say that,
as a pet, Zenithees is--
[roars]
Out for vengeance! Next!