Friends s06e03 Episode Script

Check it out, this is unbelievable! Joey's been holding his breath for almost four minutes.
You trying to kill me? I want to ask you something.
Since I'm moving out, and you're so beautiful.
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how about I move in with you? That would be great, but what do we do about Denise? -Who's Denise? -My roommate.
Your roommate? Yes, Denise.
Denise! What is with the secrecy, Phoebe? What about Denise? She cute? How can you have a roommate that we don't know about? Because you never listen to what I say.
I talk about her all the time.
Denise! I'm gonna have an extra room over at my place.
That's true.
Move in with me.
We can stay up late talking, and watch movies.
You know about naked Thursdays, right? Yeah, yeah.
I think I'll find my own place.
Hey! I thought naked Thursdays was just our thing, man.
The One With Ross' Denial Gelula/SDI What did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her? Oh, that.
She took it really well.
-You didn't tell her, did you? -No.
Because you're in love with her.
I am not in love with her.
She was upset about having to move out.
If she knew we were still married, she'd have been more upset.
So I comforted her.
As a friend.
You "comforted her"? Nothing.
I just gave her a hug.
A classic sign of love, the hug.
It's also a sign of friendship.
Not in your case, "Lovey Loverson.
" It was a hug.
Did you, or did you not, smell her hair? Smell her hair? What if I did? Ninety percent of a woman's pheromones come out of her head.
That's why women are shorter.
So that men will fall in love when they hug them.
Come on, Ross, you're a scientist.
I was hugging her as a friend.
It's not my fault her hair got in my face.
She's got a lot of it, and it smells all.
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all.
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coconutty.
What? It doesn't mean I have feelings for Rachel.
Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts.
Okay, but be careful.
Rachel's not in the same place you are.
If the place you're referring to is being in love.
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she is in the same place as me, because I am not in that place.
I didn't understand that.
Maybe that's because you were speaking the secret language of love.
-A guy just called for you.
-Who was it? I don't know.
How about "Thanks for taking the message"? When you move in.
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Rachel's room will be empty.
Let's talk about what to do with it.
I think we should have a beautiful guest room.
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with a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with fresh flowers.
And comment cards so people could tell us how great their stay was.
I really haven't thought about it that much.
Well, I like that idea.
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obviously.
I was thinking maybe.
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maybe it could be a game room.
You can buy old arcade games, like Space lnvaders and Asteroids.
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for $200.
The real ones.
The big, big, big ones! No.
You mean "No" as in: "What an interesting idea.
Let's discuss it before we reject it.
" I'm sorry.
Interesting idea.
But no.
So that's it? I just don't think arcade games go in a beautiful guest room.
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filled with antiques.
Which is why Asteroids is perfect.
It's the oldest game.
What's wrong with a beautiful guest room? I'm not against it.
Especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away.
Are you mocking me? No, I'm not mocking you or your beautiful guest room.
Monica and I had a stupid fight.
You're still moving in together, right? My ad came out today.
"Wanted: Female roommate, nonsmoker, nonugly.
" Nice.
I figured it'd be more interesting to have a female roommate.
Someone I could learn from.
Someone who's different than me.
And what's more different than me, a guy who's not 1 9.
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than a girl who is 1 9? Not just a hatrack, my friend.
Pheebs, I have to ask you-- I'm swamped right now.
You're just staring into space.
I'm trying to move that pencil.
-This one? -It worked! Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is a nightmare.
Anything I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak.
Look.
"Wanted: Female roommate, nonsmoker, nonugly.
" There's nothing.
This city is full.
Wait! Look at this! "Two bedroom, two bath.
Must be nonsmoker.
Satan worshipers okay.
" Yeah, but it's on the ground floor.
-Rach, you still looking for a place? -Yeah, why? This guy, Warren, from the museum is going on a dig for two years.
He's got this great place he needs to sublet.
You interested? Great! I'd love to live at Warren's.
I love Warren! -Thank you! -Don't thank me.
Thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago.
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killing, but perfectly preserving, an entire civilization.
Here's Warren's number.
This is great.
I'm gonna call him right now! Thank you! Okay, you go call him.
I saw it.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about what you already know but won't admit.
You love her again.
You re-love her.
I do not re-love her.
I can't believe you won't just admit it.
Promise me you won't do anything stupid.
We're just friends now.
Why would I do anything stupid? The apartment is already subletted.
It's hopeless.
I'll never find anything.
Live with me.
-What? -What?! What? Are you serious? I would love to live with you.
That's great.
Thank you.
I'm just glad I could help you out.
Wow, I'm so happy for you guys.
This is so, so, not stupid.
Ross, you have no idea what this means to me.
I was gonna be homeless.
You just saved me.
You're my hero.
Hero? I don't know.
Well, all right.
I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has.
Oh, please.
You're gonna say things now, aren't you? No.
No, I won't.
But I should tell you this.
The same thing happened to my roommate, Denise.
She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her.
He said he didn't love her, but he really did.
And it just blew up.
And that's how she ended up living with me.
Okay, that's a lie.
Listen, I'm sorry about before.
I don't need a game room.
I only played those games because I couldn't get girls.
Now I can get-- Now I have you.
No, not that I think I have you.
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or think of you as property in any sort of way.
I see women.
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Stop it, Chandler.
I'm sorry too.
-Really? -Yeah.
Oh, yes.
We can think of something to do with the room together.
Great idea.
We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Totally.
-We don't have to decide now.
-Good.
Let's think about changes we can make in the living room.
Changes? We'll have to move some furniture to make room for my chair.
You're bringing the Barcalounger over here? Is that a problem? It's just that they're a set and should stay together.
That's cool.
I'll bring them both over.
You're taking them away from their home.
I get it.
I get nothing.
Nothing here is mine.
Everything is yours.
I'll get up in the morning, put on your clothes and go off to work! Yeah, that's it.
Everything will be mine.
Nothing will be yours.
I'm talking about the Barcalounger.
It doesn't match.
Where will it go? In the game room! It is not my fault your chairs are incredibly ugly.
That's fine.
I won't bring the chairs.
I won't bring anything! I wouldn't want to ruin the ambiance over here at grandma's place! Everything on your application looks really good.
Just one last question.
Will your friends be over here, partying and hanging out? Don't worry.
I'm not a party girl.
Don't just be blurting stuff out.
I want you to really think about your answers.
Call off the roommate search.
Hi.
I'll be living here.
Ignore him.
He's just some guy who wants the apartment.
But he's not going to get it.
You took down the shower curtain? That thing was a hazard! I'm very safety conscious.
I was just clearing some space for your stuff.
Thanks.
But listen, Monica and Chandler had a big fight and they're not moving in.
What do you mean, not moving in? They're still moving in, right? No, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.
Over a stupid room? I feel kind of bad for them, but now I don't have to move in here! Oh, no.
Yeah, that part's great.
What's all this about you guys fighting? Is this really over a room? That is so silly.
We can handle this.
Apparently not.
And I can't stand by and watch two people I care about so much.
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be hurt by something that is so silly.
Enough of the silliness.
Tell her to stop being silly.
Two very good points.
I've known you both a long time.
And I've never seen either of you one-millionth as happy.
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as you've been since you got together.
Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly.
What's more important, love.
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or silliness? Well, we are fond of the silliness.
But we also have a soft spot for the love.
-Love is the best medicine.
-That's "Iaughter.
" -Why do you do it? -I don't know.
Now, Chandler, you want to live with Monica, right? Yeah, I do.
And, Mon, you want to live with Chandler? Yes.
A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! So I understand you're looking for a place? No, I'm staying put.
I was going to offer you my apartment.
Why? Where you going? I don't know.
You won't believe it.
Monica and Chandler are moving in again.
That's great news, right? I mean, for them, right? But on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.
Yeah.
You know, about that.
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I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything.
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but don't you think it'll be weird? Why? Why would it.
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Why would it be weird? Well, you know, because of us.
Because of our history.
No! No, no! It would only be weird if we were still in "that place.
" Are you still in that place? No, not at all.
Good.
Me neither.
So it's not a problem.
We're just two friends who happen to be roommates.
Okay, but eventually you and I will be dating.
Really? We are? Yeah.
I'll have a boyfriend and you'll have a girlfriend.
That'd be great.
But if you think it'll be okay, we'll just work out a system.
It'll be like in college.
I'll hang a sign on the door: "Come back later.
I'm getting lucky.
" Yeah, I didn't think of that.
So are you sure about this whole moving-in thing? It's a really big step.
And what's the rush? That's very funny.
He's being silly because he knows we enjoy the silliness.
No, I'm serious.
Think about it.
You move in.
You start fighting over game rooms.
Next thing you know, you break up.
It was just a stupid fight about a room.
There are no stupid fights! This isn't about the room.
This is about what the room represents.
And unfortunately, this room could destroy you! -I'm not so worried.
-Me neither.
Fine.
It's your life! I just don't want to see you break up.
Which you will do if you move in together.
But if that's what you want, there's nothing I can do.
Don't do it! -You still want to move in together? -Of course.
Ross didn't scare you? Scared me out of wanting to live with him.
-I gotta show you something.
-Okay.
Oh, my God! Someone's killed Square Man! The Barcalounger can go here.
You can see the TV, and it's still walking distance to the kitchen.
Oh, that's so sweet.
I want to show you something too.
You know those big road signs that say "merge"? I thought we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed.
Because that's you and I together.
"Merge! " -I love that! -Really? "No! " I found you in my bed How'd you wind up there? You are a mystery Little black curly hair Little black, little black, little black Little black curly hair If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows.
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please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Where are the other guys? Well, Monica and Chandler are occupied.
-Fighting? -The other thing.
It's great they worked things out.
There's no breaking them up, is there? Can I borrow the key to your house so I can go make a copy? -Here.
-Thank you.
Are you sure? Once I make a copy, there's no turning back.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Now get out of here before I change my mind.
You think moving in with Rachel is a good idea? I've been back and forth.
Well, maybe you should go back.
She moves in, and before you know it.
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you're right where you don't want to be, back together.
I don't think so.
She's already talking about dating other guys.
That's not going to work out.
She'll come home all weepy.
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and you'll be telling her, "Oh, that's okay.
You'll find someone.
" And then, bam! She finds you! Maybe you're right.
Ross, she is definitely gonna fall in love with you again.
Is that what you want? Is that what I want? Yes.
Here she comes.
I'm gonna make your life much easier.
The place was closed, so I'll copy it later.
Or not.
Why don't you move in with me? Whoa, Joey! Look, I know I scared you with that whole naked-Thursdays thing.
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but we don't have to do that.
It would be easier to move across the hall.
Unless you're thinking about naked Wednesdays.
Thursday's clearly not good for you.
Pick a day! Come on in.
Thanks for coming back.
There's a lot of people interested in the room.
But I've narrowed it down, and you're one of the finalists.
Before I decide, I want to be sure our personalities match.
So I made up a little test.
I'll say a word, and you say the first thing that comes to mind.
-I can do that.
-Okay, here we go.
-Pillow.
-Fight.
Very good.
"G.
" -String? -Excellent! Doggy.
Kitten? Sorry! So close, though.
Bye-bye!