Orange Is the New Black s06e03 Episode Script
Look Out for Number One
1 [CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[BARBER.]
Next group.
Up against the wall, inmates.
These lice ain't gonna clear out on their own.
[HELEN.]
Uh Chrome dome.
Next in line, let's go.
Chop-chop.
No, please.
No, please.
I beg you.
I told you.
I am not supposed to be here.
I am an MCC executive.
I don't care if you're Princess fucking Di.
Still gotta clear your lice.
Hey, Princess Diana is dead.
All she wanted was a normal life.
Please, please don't do this.
Please, don't do this.
[CRIES.]
Oh, God! Please, please.
You are making a huge mistake.
[CHUCKLES.]
He really is! But I'm enjoying it so much.
You sure it's her? 'Cause that one's forehead looks bigger.
[COSTA.]
No, you can't look at the forehead.
You gotta look at the nose.
See how the nostrils match up? [MILLER.]
I could never date a bald chick.
Amber Rose? Oh, fuck.
That's right.
Yo, G.
I.
Jane.
Lucky day.
Warden says you're free to go.
[SNICKERS.]
Might have been luckier five minutes ago.
But she's still a menace to society! You are so fucking fired! Oh, look on the bright side, hon, at least the lice are gone.
Up top anyway [BIG BOO AND OUIJA CHUCKLE.]
[JACK.]
On behalf of the board and everyone here at MCC, I would like to extend our deepest apologies.
But, if I might point out, the silver lining here, it's that your unique, first-hand experience will be invaluable to MCC's mission of innovation and reform.
Really? You think that you can buy me off with large produce? And I know for a fact that that is a middle tier basket because the top tier one has a dragon fruit in it.
Bad form, Jack.
[SIGHS.]
I know what you went through was rough [SCOFFS.]
No, no.
I don't think you actually do.
Not unless you were witness to a possum giving birth in a shower drain, or had a mob of angry sociopaths try to stone you to death with their shoes.
And let's not forget my luxurious, four-day vacation at FDC Cleveland, a place so shitty even the pubic lice have opioid addictions.
Don't women shave everything down there now? Really? [SIGHS.]
- We're working to improve conditions.
- I am sure that you are.
In the meantime, you have two choices.
Option one, I sell my story to the press, and I sue MCC for $10 million, plus damages.
Or option two.
You offer me a considerable upfront bonus for pain and suffering, and you fire your buddy Stan and you hire me as senior VP at triple my current salary.
Linda, please.
Be reasonable.
I think, considering the PR nightmare that MCC is in, I am well within reason.
The only question is, do you want me on the outside pouring gasoline on this fire, or in here, helping you put it out? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Keep it moving, inmate.
You've got lunch for five more minutes.
When you're finished, that's your cell over there.
102.
May I sit here? Please.
I can give you the 411 on these Max psychos.
They do that to you? [GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
COs.
Payback for shooting Humps.
Shit! You guys, this is like in Breakfast Club.
One kid from every group in school.
Oh, my God.
You have a toothbrush! Sweet Jesus! The fuck? Bitches here steal all the new girls' kits.
We haven't washed our hair or brushed our teeth in, like, forever.
So they got something against good hygiene? No.
It's like D-block initiation.
Oh, like in a sorority.
Only instead of playing beer pong and getting date-raped, you get shivved and regular raped.
[MOANS.]
Oh, God! It so good.
Okay, it's bad enough you using it, you don't gotta fuck it.
You try having morning sickness all day and not being able to brush.
My teeth are rotting like that bulimic girl from the library.
With all that puking, you'd at least think she'd be skinny.
Dude, you got puke teeth all over my brush? I still can't believe they let you fuck in the visitation room.
It was by the vending machines.
I was very discreet.
Okay.
Knocked up and a bag of chips.
[LAUGHING.]
You think I don't notice you cookies? 'Cause believe me, I do.
Daddy's got eyes everywhere.
I didn't even get to clean my tongue.
That little bitch runs the toothbrush game here? No, they work for Barbara.
She's a D-block boss.
- Ain't no gangsters named Barbara.
- Shh! I wouldn't say that too loud.
The last girl that crossed her got hot Milky Way thrown in her face.
- That shit sticks and burns.
- [LORNA.]
I like Milky Way.
Not burning hot in my face, but room temperature, in my mouth.
So that's it? We part of Barbara's gang now? If it makes you feel any better, I heard C-block boss is even worse.
The only good way out is gettin' moved to Florida.
Technically, it's B block.
Neutral territory.
Okay, so how we get in? We don't.
Florida don't let normal people like us in.
Only, grannies, trannies and loonies.
Well, don't look at me.
I might be crazy, but I'm not Florida crazy.
Well, like it or not, we D block now.
Look at you.
Jesus, has it been that long? Yes.
This is my colleague, Ms.
Goldstein.
She'll be handing your case for the firm.
Hi.
Please call me Michelle.
It's good to see you again, kid.
- Hmm.
Okay.
Uh - All right.
It's not the daddy-daughter dance.
Yeah.
I'm just here for the lawyering.
Maybe if you'd taken me up on that five years ago, you wouldn't be here in the first place, right? Maybe if you hadn't left, I wouldn't have turned to heroin.
But I guess we'll never know.
See, the kid's got my sense of humor with Orphan Annie's face.
You remember, Nick, you used to drive us crazy with those songs? Yeah.
I thought maybe if I sang loud enough that my real parents might just turn up and rescue me.
I hate to be a buzzkill, but I think we should really dive into your possible charges.
Now based on recent precedent, the US Attorney's office isn't gonna have much trouble indicting all of you on riot charges.
I had no idea what the hell was going on.
I was just along for the ride.
Good to know.
Because our defense will likely hinge on the government's inability to prove that you had knowledge that your actions would be in furtherance of vandalism, injury to property, or unlawful assembly within a federal prison.
Told you she was good, didn't I? Oh.
Uh [CHUCKLES.]
It's terrific.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh Well, I mean, just like my piano teacher, and the French tutor.
You know, I've always been curious, uh, does the hourly rate Does it go up or down when the hired help doubles as your side piece? Michelle happens to be one of the best criminal litigators in New York.
So she's not pro-ing your Bono? Watch your mouth! Your father and I are engaged.
We're getting married in November.
We also have two children together.
Sammi's five and, uh, Atticus just turned three.
Nicky, I wanted to say something about it over the phone, but I thought you would, you know You know what? You know what? You know what? I was wrong.
Okay? This whole thing? Big mistake.
Les, thank you for stopping by.
Michelle, no hard feelings.
I'm sure you're a great lawyer, and you have a wonderful vocabulary, and you're going to make an excellent trophy wife.
You [CHUCKLES AND CLICKS TONGUE.]
Okay, guard! I'm done here.
Kid, don't get bogged down by old baggage.
You're in real deep shit.
Nicky, you need good representation.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON PA.]
Take it slow out there, Berlin.
We don't need any more injuries.
Pass.
Pass.
If I weren't so happy to see you, I'd kill you myself.
What the hell were you thinking? It's complicated.
Our affection for Roman Polanski films is complicated.
Suicide is for cowards.
You don't understand, Red.
I got history in this place.
There's people here spent three decades waitin' to take a crack at me.
Since when is Frieda Berlin afraid? [SCOFFS.]
It's not fear, it's pragmatism.
Like my daddy always said, "The cyanide pill won't work unless you take it before the commies bust in your door.
" Well, the commie is right here and I'm telling you to keep fighting.
- Oh, shit.
Frieda! Are you okay? - Shit.
I got it.
I got it.
It's okay.
She's fine.
It's okay.
Did you hurt yourself? I'm fine.
Just stiff is all.
Bullshit.
I see what you're up to.
You put that back right now.
Leave me alone, Red.
I am not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself.
Or to me.
You have problems here, you find a creative solution, like you've done for the past 30 years.
It's different this time.
Or maybe you're not trying hard enough.
[GRUNTS.]
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[CAROL.]
Hey, Frieda your dad's hot and all, but I got other plans.
Hope you don't mind.
[SIGHS.]
Now that is human perfection.
Right, Frieda? [CHUCKLES.]
Sure.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
What the hell? I paid less than that for four last time.
You got a problem with my prices? No, we're good.
Right, Tyler? Come on.
[TSKS.]
This some bullshit, man.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Carol, maybe you ought to go back to dealing in the showers.
You kidding? Finding your hidey-hole is the best thing that ever happened to me.
The shower steam made my hair look like shit.
Now come on, let's look at the rest of today's haul.
Damn, Frieda! We're killing it! Oh! And you know I have a sweet tooth.
Just one.
- Oh! How much for a jawbreaker? - They're not for sale.
But you got so many.
I like watching the colors change.
Do you now? Well, come on in.
Come on in.
[CHUCKLES.]
Do I look like Willy Fucking Wonka to you? No, ma'am.
This place look like a candy store? - Ow.
- [CAROL.]
Frieda, hold her hair for me.
Ow! Now open your fucking mouth before I shove this so far down your goddamn throat you give birth to it.
Go on.
Start sucking.
- [CHOKING.]
- [CAROL LAUGHS.]
Jesus, Carol! You're such a little psycho! Bad enough you're stealing my customers, you don't gotta go kill 'em too.
Yeah, you better fuckin' run, Greeley! Sorry ladies, shop's closed.
Piss off, Flunky.
I'm here to see my sister.
Didn't anyone tell you? Family reunion's been canceled this year.
It's funny, because Mom's coming to visit me later, just like she did last week and the week before.
She doesn't send her love, by the way.
What do you want, Barbie? I mean, besides an ass that don't look like a pizza box? I want you and Gnarly Davidson to step off my H game.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sorry, sis, but you ain't the boss of me no more.
We had a deal, Care.
D block gets smack and weed.
Cunt block gets rock and pills.
Look at yourself, Carol.
You're a child.
Amateur like you got no business selling horse.
You'd be better off dealing ex-lax to the biddies in Florida.
Frieda, you gonna sit there with your thumb up your butt or you gonna do something about this? All right, ladies, it's time for you gals to move it along.
Okay.
[LAUGHING.]
Come on, Frieda.
You and me got some beef to look at.
Oh, my God! Ah.
Oh, God.
I love a man with a big bush.
Oh, God, look at that little Dickie-doo.
[CHUCKLES.]
He's all alone in the forest.
[CHOMPING SOUNDS.]
And how are tensions between C and D block? 'Cause last time I was here, we were losing fingers faster than a Romanian leper colony.
Gang activity's down to a low simmer.
Just some stabbings, couple of missing toes What ya playing for, Carol? Oh, you know, gambling's illegal.
We just play for braggin' rights.
Of course.
The love of the game.
You staying out of trouble? Always.
You got any idea how long the FBI's gonna be using our break room? - I got yogurts in that fridge.
- Expiration dates are bullshit.
You've been missed.
Also bullshit.
But I'll take it.
At least there was never a riot on my watch.
Keep the gangs in check, keep your guys in check, and don't bother me unless there's a death.
What about MCC protocols? Listen, the best thing you can do is think of yourself as a hotel maid.
No rearranging the furniture and no asking questions, no matter what kind of freaky shit you find on the nightstand.
Got it? From here on in, surface cleaning only.
Now you gonna tip me bigger if I look sexy in my uniform? Analogy's over, Ricky.
What more do you people need? You've seen the video of him torturing us.
That monster should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
So, it would be fair to say you hated CO Piscatella? Look at what he did to me! I'm like a doll that's been wrecked by a demented child.
He should rot in hell.
Then you admit to wanting CO Piscatella dead? Why? You have a connection to Make-A-Wish? [MICHELSON.]
We'll do you one better.
You're kidding.
[GASPS.]
Wait.
You think I have something to do with this? That would be the logical conclusion, seeing as how Piscatella's body was found in the same place we found you.
And you sure do seem to have plenty of motive.
One rolling cart for Hayes, and a mop for Gonzales.
Cops come down on me if this shit goes missing so try and keep your noses as clean as the floors, okay? Let's pick up the pace.
C block's getting filthier by the second.
Why we gotta mop enemy territory? Guess they're too good to clean their own shit.
Think it'd be wise to keep your mouth shut, Diaz.
Anyone else have a question? - [BLACK CINDY.]
Mmm-mmm.
- No, sir.
Let's hit it.
[BLACK CINDY CLEARS THROAT.]
This place is way too serious.
If we get jumped, we use these as weapons.
[GRUNTS.]
You don't think that they would hurt a pregnant lady, do you? Sir? Sir? You know she's a girl, right? Hey, right.
Um Miss? Ms.
Daddy? I know I'm not showing yet, but I am indeed with child.
Jesus.
You cookies ever stop whining? I'd never put my D girls in danger.
Especially not ones so pretty.
Yeah, I'm gonna look real good when my face turns black-and-blue.
Bruised fruit tastes the sweetest.
Hey, Duarte, list.
I can walk on my own now.
Really.
My legs feel much stronger.
If you say so.
[GROANS.]
Dagnabbit, Berlin! I knew this would happen.
- You hurt anything? - Oh, just my ego.
[SIGHS.]
I guess I can't do anything right anymore.
You know, that negative attitude is not helping your depression.
According to scientific studies, the best thing you can do to improve your mood is write lists of all the things you're grateful for.
I don't have paper or a pen.
For what? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
For the gratitude list.
I'd like to try it.
[SIGHS.]
All right.
What you should be grateful for is the fact that I'm letting you borrow this.
Don't even think about trying to kill yourself.
This is a felt-tip, it won't work, got it? Scout's honor.
[CELL DOOR CLOSES.]
They think we killed Piscatella.
I need to warn the girls.
Yo, Aunt Jemima, chill the fuck out or those COs will be up our asses faster than Mikey O'Brien's pinky finger.
What the hell is she doing? [MOUTHING.]
Piscatella is dead.
Oh, Red is really losing it.
[SIGHS.]
First word? - Get up.
Move.
- All right.
Cross.
Cock.
Penis? Penis.
Peeing? Pee? The first syllable is "P.
" [SIGHS.]
- Driving? Car crash? DUI? - Shut up.
You're distracting me.
[BADISON.]
What you should do is let me help you 'cause you suck at this, and I'm pretty much a charades savant, so [RED.]
Piss? Car Peeing? Urination? Urination drive? Driving Miss Daisy.
Damn.
How do you do that every time? [FRIEDA.]
"Giant killed.
Cops framing us.
" Hmm.
Shit.
Oh! Oh, Burt! Oh, God! Burt is the least of our problems.
The stash is gone.
Oh, God.
I swear, I will kill that flat-ass bitch with my bare hands.
[GRUNTS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[GRUNTS, SHOUTS.]
Carol, calm down.
Last sister you whacked landed your ass in here.
How many times do I have to tell you Barbie's the one who did it? I just brought Debbie to the lake.
- We need to be strategic.
- No.
What we need to do is to teach those D-block bitches a lesson.
- Show them they can't fuck with us.
- Agreed.
But shoot a deer in the gut, you wind up chasing it down for days.
Shoot it in the heart, you're eating venison by dinner.
[CHUCKLING.]
Frieda, meeting you was the luckiest day I had since I found that $50 bill on the bathroom floor of Dairy Queen.
- [DOOR BUZZES.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Damn.
Look at this place.
They got TV? Shit.
It's like we in the VIP section at the club.
[DAYANARA.]
That's 'cause the C-block birds got all the good jobs wrapping cheese for Grace Grocers.
So they sit here feeding their faces while we wipe their floors for 12 cents an hour just 'cause we're stuck in D block? Mmm-hmm.
It's called economic segregation.
We live on the wrong side of the tracks.
[RETCHING.]
Watch your back, Flaca.
- Do I know you? - No, but we know you.
- You're the chick from YouTube, right? - You saw that? - We love your shit.
Big fans.
- No, I liked the other one better.
Not me.
I find you more relatable.
Too bad your stuck with the douche-block trash.
Gonna make life here a whole lot harder.
- Looks like you missed a spot.
- [MOUTHING.]
I'm so sorry.
And they call themselves fans.
Seriously, that's, like, one full month of contour powder.
Hey, guys, check it out.
[BLACK CINDY.]
A shower kit Well, don't look at me.
Unless you want me to puke on her.
Tattoo artist beat you to it.
Oh, I say we send the famous one.
Girl's probably president of her fan club.
My fans know less is more.
Better idea, we borrow one from Mendoza.
Oh, Jesus! [WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON WALKIE-TALKIE.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON WALKIE-TALKIE.]
Oh, shit.
They're taking Frieda for questioning.
I'm too late.
It's your own fault for not using my help with Charades.
Everyone knows you don't use "car" when you wanna say "ca.
" This is not good at all.
Frieda doesn't have the information.
She won't know how to defend herself.
Well, if you want help getting the message out, the offer's still on the I refuse to take help from a girl whose greatest claim to fame is blowing a lesser Wahlberg.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, unless that fur-fringed crystal ball of yours can send psychic messages, I don't think you got much of a choice.
And everybody in my neighborhood, guys and girls, has blown a Wahlberg.
Not a big deal.
There's a lot of 'em.
- What you doing here? - Cleaning up after your happy hour.
Your mom knows you took a plea? Look, I don't need any guilt trips from you, okay? You think I don't feel bad enough? I can't sleep at night.
Everything hurts.
When I finally manage to close my eyes, all I can see is his fucking droopy face.
- I know you didn't mean for him to - That doesn't matter right now.
The only reason I came up here is 'cause I need to ask you for a favor.
- We lost all our shower stuff to the - Step away from the door, Mendoza.
Carol doesn't take kindly to fraternizing with the help.
And, bitch, don't you even think about stealing my brown Pantene.
That shit's getting discontinued.
Piscatella was killed in the pool.
- You mind saying that again? - Seriously, Creech? It's one sentence.
Girl, you know how much paint I huffed in middle school? That guard, Piscatella Tell them he was killed in the pool.
Piscatella was killed in the pool.
They say Piscatella got killed in the pool.
For real? Piscatella's dead? Why so sad, Curly Sue? Guard dies, you should throw a fucking party.
Yeah, uh, I'll wait to order the cake until after I don't go down for murder.
[SIGHS.]
Hey.
Excuse me.
Yes, I'm sorry to bother you, I really need to talk to my lawyer.
So he drowned? No dipstick, the pool was empty.
Wait, which guard was it again? I told you.
The one that used to work here.
Big guy.
Super tall.
Right, right.
Got it.
Great.
Ebony.
Not you, Baby Killer.
The other one.
Please, I am so bored.
I already read this one.
It's more character-driven than plotty, but it's intensely well observed.
I appreciate the two-cent review, but listen, your buddy across the way thought you might like to read it again.
You hear me? What else did she say? Deitland, please, throw me a bone.
I'll take anything.
Even the Bill O'Reilly book.
- Red is trying to send a message.
- [BETH.]
Try page 69.
They're always putting it there.
Think they're being so tricky.
[SIGHS.]
Lame.
Holy shit.
You're right.
"Tall one killed in pool.
" Tall one? Does she mean Alex? Damn.
I should've grabbed that Pantene when I had the chance.
Stupid.
The stupid part is that we have to steal it in the first place.
Hey, hey, hey.
One of Flaca's fangirls, she doesn't have her shower caddie thing with her.
[GASPS.]
[EXHALES.]
Screw this.
I'm goin' in.
Yes! I'm going with you.
Not to brag or nothing, but I once walked outta Toys "R" Us with 14 Bratz dolls in my pants.
Oh, yeah.
Bootylicious, just stand lookout.
Spewy McChunks, you gotta make a distraction.
Oh, no.
I don't think I have anything left.
- So fake it.
- All right! - Yo, Daya, come closer.
- I'm not done cleaning this area.
Well, my area is as ripe as the stanky cheese so all hands on deck! Come on.
Oh! Oh, mercy me.
Oh! When will it end? [MIMICS RETCHING.]
- [COUGHING.]
- There, there.
You'll be okay.
Uh-oh.
Gotta go get that.
Yay! [CHUCKLES.]
You're sure Nicky got the message? Trust me.
When it comes to this place, I'm fucking hi-speed digital broadband.
Overpriced with shitty customer service.
I don't remember charging you anything.
I know how people like you work.
You'll come to collect your debt eventually.
Lighten up, Chucky.
I'm on your team now.
Here, I'll even send some good vibes their way.
[DEEP BREATH.]
- Don't waste your time.
- Beats doing nothing.
'Specially if your crew gets in front of those big, scary Feds and decides to serve you up like Easter supper.
I were you, I'd get my butt in there, ASAP turn on them first.
You don't know my girls.
I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character.
But I guess we'll wait and see.
[CHUCKLES.]
They show up here again, you know they got your back.
But if they don't Sorry, I've forgotten the question.
You were explaining why your prints were on the weapon that killed CO Piscatella.
That's easy.
Because I moved it.
I didn't want anyone getting hurt.
You can't really be Annie Oakley with the shakes.
[NGUYEN.]
Nicky Nichols.
I wasn't told you'd have representation present.
Yeah.
I was having trouble, uh, pulling the trigger on my legal team.
Not that I literally pulled any triggers.
My client had nothing to do with the violence in the riot, nor was she involved in organizing it.
That's interesting.
Because I have testimony of over 30 inmates claiming they saw Ms.
Nichols break into the prison pharmacy and distribute thousands of dollars' worth of prescription medications.
Jesus.
It's like a George R.
R.
Martin novel.
[SCOFFS.]
I'll need to review a copy of that.
How is any of that even usable? Half of those girls were high the whole time.
I'd take this more seriously if I were you, Ms.
Nichols.
If you add up the theft, possession, and distribution charges the US Attorney's put together, you'll be facing an additional 70 years.
[INMATES GASPING.]
[BLACK CINDY.]
Shit! Burn, bitch.
Burn.
[TAYSTEE.]
Fuck you, Piscatella.
[BLACK CINDY.]
Yeah.
What you got I'll tell you right now, when a jury sees that, they're gonna think, riot organizer.
I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to intimidate my client with your scare tactics.
Ms.
Chapman had no involvement in the riot's organization.
If anything, she was its victim.
A victim who quite willingly participated in that bonfire and captured it all on video.
But let's give Ms.
Chapman a chance to speak for herself, shall we? Ms.
Chapman? Ms.
Chapman? I'm sorry.
What? I'd like you to detail exactly how you participated in the riot.
You want to know what I did during the riot? I ran around collecting Cheetos and organizing an art installation.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
That's what I chose to do when I could have been with Alex I couldn't see who fired the gun.
It was so dark.
And And there was so much noise and smoke and confusion How about we look at some pictures? That might jog your memory.
Well, they They look familiar.
But But my mind's not what it used to be.
What about her? You think it could have been her? I might be able to answer your question if we could have a little talk first about my situation.
[LES.]
Give me a break.
We both know whatever AUSA you're paired up with could give a rat's ass about some bullshit drug charges.
So, unless you have something real you wanna discuss, Agent Nig-oo-yen, uh, I'd appreciate it if you didn't waste any more of our time.
It's pronounced "Noog-yen.
" Actually, it's "Wen.
" - "Wen"? - Always.
Apologies, Agent Nguyen.
My colleague was merely suggesting that you put a deal on the table.
We both know that the only thing you care about is identifying the leaders of the riot and determining who killed CO Piscatella.
I'll need to speak to the US Attorney's Office first.
Okay, so you're telling me you have no idea how CO Piscatella came to be in that underground bunker? I I guess Red she made us bring him down there.
- [MICHELSON.]
Galina Reznikov? - Yes.
I'm curious, Ms.
Chapman.
Why would a group of inmates want a guard with them down in that pool? - Piper, you don't have to answer that.
- To torture him.
She wanted to torture him for torturing us.
She couldn't let it go.
Her fucking obsession brought that crazy man into the prison and now Alex is You know, you should all go fuck yourselves.
I don't care anymore.
That is very helpful, Ms.
Berlin.
I appreciate your cooperation.
And I appreciate yours.
I still have some questions about that bunker pool, where CO Piscatella's body was found.
Sit.
They're going to make you a deal, Nicky.
All you have to do is give them a name.
I don't know who the fuck killed Piscatella.
I mean, the last I saw the guy, he was Okay, unfortunately, very much alive.
Well, then maybe you can name one of the organizers.
Now, you mentioned the woman on the phone, right? Who took you into the bunker.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- She had a color instead of a name.
Wait, first off, you named your kid Atticus so you lost your right to judge.
Second, Red is my friend.
Based on what you told us of her leadership role, the AUSA probably already has a case against her.
- Good for them.
I'm not a snitch.
- Who cares? You're gonna give up the rest of your life to protect some lousy criminal? [CHUCKLES.]
Not that it matters, but Red just happens to be one of the few people in my life who actually cares about me.
Kid, please, I am begging you not to blow this.
Oh, don't worry about that 'cause I haven't blown anything since at least 2006.
Okay.
Why don't you take the night and sleep on it, Nicky? I know that this is a hard decision, but if you want any sort of a life beyond these bars, then this may be your only chance.
[SIGHS.]
[BELLAMY.]
Contraband peanut butter, 23 cans of Hormel baked beans, a 1994 Dell computer, all of them covered in your fingerprints.
Not to mention ample forensic evidence suggesting CO Piscatella was bound in a bovine-themed stockade.
[CHUCKLES.]
We let him go.
- Who's "we"? - I let him go.
Sounds to me like you held him hostage.
After all, he was tied up in your secret bunker.
Crazy bastard stormed the place.
He was gonna kill all of us.
So you decided to stop him before he got the chance.
- No.
- Oh, so you only tortured him.
We immobilized him.
No one did anything after that.
He just sat there with his head in the cow.
I need another name, Ms.
Berlin.
That deal we talked about earlier, about keeping you in Ad Seg, away from all those dangerous women We did more than talk, we shook on it.
And I gave you the black girl.
We had a deal.
Well, things evolve.
You wanna keep your private room, you're gonna have to give me another name.
Perhaps a Russian one.
They've been gone for hours, you'd think they'd be back by now.
Jesus, Chucky, enough with the pacing.
It's like you got a Fitbit stashed up your snatch.
- What's happening? Where is everyone? - Don't know about that.
You gotta come with me, the investigators wanna talk to you.
But I already spoke with them.
See? What'd I tell ya, you don't look out for number one, you wind up steppin' in number two.
Move it along, ladies.
Check it out.
- Give me that conditioner.
- Chill, there's enough to go around.
[BLACK CINDY.]
Mmm! I'm gonna get all up in them nooks and crannies.
[LAUGHING.]
[GAGS.]
I know my nose has been a little sensitive lately, but this shampoo, it doesn't smell so good.
Smell.
- Ugh, that shit is nasty! - Wait.
You don't think that Holy fuck! - [RETCHES.]
- This ain't shampoo, it's sham-piss! [ALL EXCLAIMING.]
Daddy, come here, you gotta see this.
Cunt block whizzed in their soaps.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Inmates, back in your cells, now.
Wow, you girls must be pissed.
Fuck off.
This is your fault for stealing our shit in the first place.
[SCREAMS.]
You better watch your mouth, Diaz, or I'll put you in the SHU for trying to incite another riot.
[DAYANARA GROANING.]
[WHIMPERING.]
Knock, knock.
[SIGHS.]
What do you want? This is not representative of my gift-basket skills.
I can put together a tight-ass themed basket on the outside.
Tight-ass is a theme? - Ah, she's funny, too.
- I ain't falling for no more pranks.
That Pert-piss trick's for amateurs.
If I was gonna pull something like that, I'd go all the way, and use number two.
It's already built in the name.
"Shampoo.
" Trust me, mamacita.
I'm looking out for you.
Mmm.
Almost as good as you look.
I put in a little something extra to help with the pain.
And so you can get some shut-eye.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Interim Warden Figueroa.
Natalie, hi, it's Linda Ferguson from MCC.
Linda? I usually deal with Stan.
Oh, I'm I'm so sorry.
I just assumed that Jack had called you about our shake-up over at corporate.
- That doesn't sound good.
- Actually, it's fantastic.
Not so much for Stan, but for me, I was formerly head of purchasing, but as of this morning, I'm the new senior vice president.
Linda from Purchasing.
Congratulations.
I look forward to working with you.
Thank you.
I was hoping to hit the ground running, I'd love it if you and I could grab a drink this week to go over some of my new ideas.
Sounds wonderful.
Let's go, inmate.
It's moving day.
No.
Well, that can't be right.
They told me I could stay here in Ad Seg.
Well, that's not what my orders were.
Now hurry up, move it along.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Fucking kill you, Duffy! Fucking cheese block's at it again.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[indistinct muttering, chuckling.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND CHEERING.]
[INMATE.]
That was good.
Let's do that again.
Let's get another.
Here we go.
[CHEERING.]
Let's go, D block, come on.
Where the fuck is Frieda? Haven't seen her since the bottom of the third.
I saw her gettin' walked off by a CO, I think.
Damn it! This whole thing was her plan.
Plus, she fucked up our kicking order.
Maybe she's in the bathroom.
You're up, Carol! Unless you want an automatic out for delay of game.
Fuck it, I'll do it myself.
We go on my signal.
They'll never know what hit âem.
Hey.
Don't we get any weapons? Use what God gave you.
What are you, a fucking pussy? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
[YELLING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
Fuck no! Don't just stand there like dummies! Go! [GRUNTING.]
What's your goddamn damage, Carol? You are.
Never could stand losing to me, could you? Always had to ruin a perfectly good game, just like when we played Risk.
That's because you always cheated! [GRUNTS.]
Bullcrap! Bull-true! You think I care about some stupid game? You stole my stash! - What the hell are you talking about? - I'd fuckin' kill you twice.
Once for stealing my drugs, and once for my Burt poster.
Burt Reynolds sucks balls.
And I didn't take your drugs.
Double-dog pinky, Care.
If I did, I'd be struttin' and you know it.
- [GUARD 1.]
Someone call this in? - [GUARD 2.]
Yeah, I got it.
[YELLING.]
Frieda! Nice work, Berlin.
About that transfer? - Got a van waiting outside.
- Pleasure doing business.
Frieda.
Stay out of trouble up the hill.
You just made a lot of big enemies down here.
Entering.
[DOOR BUZZES.]
["KOKOMO" BY THE BEACH BOYS PLAYING.]
Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take ya Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama Key Largo, Montego Baby, why don't we go? Jamaica Off the Florida Keys There's a place called Kokomo You're the one who let me play Frogger.
Um, do you want a pudding cup? They gave me an extra, but too much sugar gets me tizzified.
Not not right now.
Thanks.
I don't know whose knob you greased to get in here, but welcome to Florida.
Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama Key Largo, Montego Baby, why don't we go? Hey, Suzanne, I changed my mind about that pudding.
Oh.
That's where we wanna go Down in Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take ya To Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama Key Largo, Montego Baby, why don't we go? Ooh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo We'll get there fast And then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go Way down in Kokomo Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse Everybody knows A little place like Kokomo Now if you wanna go And get away from it all Go down to Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take ya To Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[CELL DOOR SLAMS.]
[BARBER.]
Next group.
Up against the wall, inmates.
These lice ain't gonna clear out on their own.
[HELEN.]
Uh Chrome dome.
Next in line, let's go.
Chop-chop.
No, please.
No, please.
I beg you.
I told you.
I am not supposed to be here.
I am an MCC executive.
I don't care if you're Princess fucking Di.
Still gotta clear your lice.
Hey, Princess Diana is dead.
All she wanted was a normal life.
Please, please don't do this.
Please, don't do this.
[CRIES.]
Oh, God! Please, please.
You are making a huge mistake.
[CHUCKLES.]
He really is! But I'm enjoying it so much.
You sure it's her? 'Cause that one's forehead looks bigger.
[COSTA.]
No, you can't look at the forehead.
You gotta look at the nose.
See how the nostrils match up? [MILLER.]
I could never date a bald chick.
Amber Rose? Oh, fuck.
That's right.
Yo, G.
I.
Jane.
Lucky day.
Warden says you're free to go.
[SNICKERS.]
Might have been luckier five minutes ago.
But she's still a menace to society! You are so fucking fired! Oh, look on the bright side, hon, at least the lice are gone.
Up top anyway [BIG BOO AND OUIJA CHUCKLE.]
[JACK.]
On behalf of the board and everyone here at MCC, I would like to extend our deepest apologies.
But, if I might point out, the silver lining here, it's that your unique, first-hand experience will be invaluable to MCC's mission of innovation and reform.
Really? You think that you can buy me off with large produce? And I know for a fact that that is a middle tier basket because the top tier one has a dragon fruit in it.
Bad form, Jack.
[SIGHS.]
I know what you went through was rough [SCOFFS.]
No, no.
I don't think you actually do.
Not unless you were witness to a possum giving birth in a shower drain, or had a mob of angry sociopaths try to stone you to death with their shoes.
And let's not forget my luxurious, four-day vacation at FDC Cleveland, a place so shitty even the pubic lice have opioid addictions.
Don't women shave everything down there now? Really? [SIGHS.]
- We're working to improve conditions.
- I am sure that you are.
In the meantime, you have two choices.
Option one, I sell my story to the press, and I sue MCC for $10 million, plus damages.
Or option two.
You offer me a considerable upfront bonus for pain and suffering, and you fire your buddy Stan and you hire me as senior VP at triple my current salary.
Linda, please.
Be reasonable.
I think, considering the PR nightmare that MCC is in, I am well within reason.
The only question is, do you want me on the outside pouring gasoline on this fire, or in here, helping you put it out? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Keep it moving, inmate.
You've got lunch for five more minutes.
When you're finished, that's your cell over there.
102.
May I sit here? Please.
I can give you the 411 on these Max psychos.
They do that to you? [GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
COs.
Payback for shooting Humps.
Shit! You guys, this is like in Breakfast Club.
One kid from every group in school.
Oh, my God.
You have a toothbrush! Sweet Jesus! The fuck? Bitches here steal all the new girls' kits.
We haven't washed our hair or brushed our teeth in, like, forever.
So they got something against good hygiene? No.
It's like D-block initiation.
Oh, like in a sorority.
Only instead of playing beer pong and getting date-raped, you get shivved and regular raped.
[MOANS.]
Oh, God! It so good.
Okay, it's bad enough you using it, you don't gotta fuck it.
You try having morning sickness all day and not being able to brush.
My teeth are rotting like that bulimic girl from the library.
With all that puking, you'd at least think she'd be skinny.
Dude, you got puke teeth all over my brush? I still can't believe they let you fuck in the visitation room.
It was by the vending machines.
I was very discreet.
Okay.
Knocked up and a bag of chips.
[LAUGHING.]
You think I don't notice you cookies? 'Cause believe me, I do.
Daddy's got eyes everywhere.
I didn't even get to clean my tongue.
That little bitch runs the toothbrush game here? No, they work for Barbara.
She's a D-block boss.
- Ain't no gangsters named Barbara.
- Shh! I wouldn't say that too loud.
The last girl that crossed her got hot Milky Way thrown in her face.
- That shit sticks and burns.
- [LORNA.]
I like Milky Way.
Not burning hot in my face, but room temperature, in my mouth.
So that's it? We part of Barbara's gang now? If it makes you feel any better, I heard C-block boss is even worse.
The only good way out is gettin' moved to Florida.
Technically, it's B block.
Neutral territory.
Okay, so how we get in? We don't.
Florida don't let normal people like us in.
Only, grannies, trannies and loonies.
Well, don't look at me.
I might be crazy, but I'm not Florida crazy.
Well, like it or not, we D block now.
Look at you.
Jesus, has it been that long? Yes.
This is my colleague, Ms.
Goldstein.
She'll be handing your case for the firm.
Hi.
Please call me Michelle.
It's good to see you again, kid.
- Hmm.
Okay.
Uh - All right.
It's not the daddy-daughter dance.
Yeah.
I'm just here for the lawyering.
Maybe if you'd taken me up on that five years ago, you wouldn't be here in the first place, right? Maybe if you hadn't left, I wouldn't have turned to heroin.
But I guess we'll never know.
See, the kid's got my sense of humor with Orphan Annie's face.
You remember, Nick, you used to drive us crazy with those songs? Yeah.
I thought maybe if I sang loud enough that my real parents might just turn up and rescue me.
I hate to be a buzzkill, but I think we should really dive into your possible charges.
Now based on recent precedent, the US Attorney's office isn't gonna have much trouble indicting all of you on riot charges.
I had no idea what the hell was going on.
I was just along for the ride.
Good to know.
Because our defense will likely hinge on the government's inability to prove that you had knowledge that your actions would be in furtherance of vandalism, injury to property, or unlawful assembly within a federal prison.
Told you she was good, didn't I? Oh.
Uh [CHUCKLES.]
It's terrific.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh Well, I mean, just like my piano teacher, and the French tutor.
You know, I've always been curious, uh, does the hourly rate Does it go up or down when the hired help doubles as your side piece? Michelle happens to be one of the best criminal litigators in New York.
So she's not pro-ing your Bono? Watch your mouth! Your father and I are engaged.
We're getting married in November.
We also have two children together.
Sammi's five and, uh, Atticus just turned three.
Nicky, I wanted to say something about it over the phone, but I thought you would, you know You know what? You know what? You know what? I was wrong.
Okay? This whole thing? Big mistake.
Les, thank you for stopping by.
Michelle, no hard feelings.
I'm sure you're a great lawyer, and you have a wonderful vocabulary, and you're going to make an excellent trophy wife.
You [CHUCKLES AND CLICKS TONGUE.]
Okay, guard! I'm done here.
Kid, don't get bogged down by old baggage.
You're in real deep shit.
Nicky, you need good representation.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON PA.]
Take it slow out there, Berlin.
We don't need any more injuries.
Pass.
Pass.
If I weren't so happy to see you, I'd kill you myself.
What the hell were you thinking? It's complicated.
Our affection for Roman Polanski films is complicated.
Suicide is for cowards.
You don't understand, Red.
I got history in this place.
There's people here spent three decades waitin' to take a crack at me.
Since when is Frieda Berlin afraid? [SCOFFS.]
It's not fear, it's pragmatism.
Like my daddy always said, "The cyanide pill won't work unless you take it before the commies bust in your door.
" Well, the commie is right here and I'm telling you to keep fighting.
- Oh, shit.
Frieda! Are you okay? - Shit.
I got it.
I got it.
It's okay.
She's fine.
It's okay.
Did you hurt yourself? I'm fine.
Just stiff is all.
Bullshit.
I see what you're up to.
You put that back right now.
Leave me alone, Red.
I am not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself.
Or to me.
You have problems here, you find a creative solution, like you've done for the past 30 years.
It's different this time.
Or maybe you're not trying hard enough.
[GRUNTS.]
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[CAROL.]
Hey, Frieda your dad's hot and all, but I got other plans.
Hope you don't mind.
[SIGHS.]
Now that is human perfection.
Right, Frieda? [CHUCKLES.]
Sure.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
What the hell? I paid less than that for four last time.
You got a problem with my prices? No, we're good.
Right, Tyler? Come on.
[TSKS.]
This some bullshit, man.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Carol, maybe you ought to go back to dealing in the showers.
You kidding? Finding your hidey-hole is the best thing that ever happened to me.
The shower steam made my hair look like shit.
Now come on, let's look at the rest of today's haul.
Damn, Frieda! We're killing it! Oh! And you know I have a sweet tooth.
Just one.
- Oh! How much for a jawbreaker? - They're not for sale.
But you got so many.
I like watching the colors change.
Do you now? Well, come on in.
Come on in.
[CHUCKLES.]
Do I look like Willy Fucking Wonka to you? No, ma'am.
This place look like a candy store? - Ow.
- [CAROL.]
Frieda, hold her hair for me.
Ow! Now open your fucking mouth before I shove this so far down your goddamn throat you give birth to it.
Go on.
Start sucking.
- [CHOKING.]
- [CAROL LAUGHS.]
Jesus, Carol! You're such a little psycho! Bad enough you're stealing my customers, you don't gotta go kill 'em too.
Yeah, you better fuckin' run, Greeley! Sorry ladies, shop's closed.
Piss off, Flunky.
I'm here to see my sister.
Didn't anyone tell you? Family reunion's been canceled this year.
It's funny, because Mom's coming to visit me later, just like she did last week and the week before.
She doesn't send her love, by the way.
What do you want, Barbie? I mean, besides an ass that don't look like a pizza box? I want you and Gnarly Davidson to step off my H game.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sorry, sis, but you ain't the boss of me no more.
We had a deal, Care.
D block gets smack and weed.
Cunt block gets rock and pills.
Look at yourself, Carol.
You're a child.
Amateur like you got no business selling horse.
You'd be better off dealing ex-lax to the biddies in Florida.
Frieda, you gonna sit there with your thumb up your butt or you gonna do something about this? All right, ladies, it's time for you gals to move it along.
Okay.
[LAUGHING.]
Come on, Frieda.
You and me got some beef to look at.
Oh, my God! Ah.
Oh, God.
I love a man with a big bush.
Oh, God, look at that little Dickie-doo.
[CHUCKLES.]
He's all alone in the forest.
[CHOMPING SOUNDS.]
And how are tensions between C and D block? 'Cause last time I was here, we were losing fingers faster than a Romanian leper colony.
Gang activity's down to a low simmer.
Just some stabbings, couple of missing toes What ya playing for, Carol? Oh, you know, gambling's illegal.
We just play for braggin' rights.
Of course.
The love of the game.
You staying out of trouble? Always.
You got any idea how long the FBI's gonna be using our break room? - I got yogurts in that fridge.
- Expiration dates are bullshit.
You've been missed.
Also bullshit.
But I'll take it.
At least there was never a riot on my watch.
Keep the gangs in check, keep your guys in check, and don't bother me unless there's a death.
What about MCC protocols? Listen, the best thing you can do is think of yourself as a hotel maid.
No rearranging the furniture and no asking questions, no matter what kind of freaky shit you find on the nightstand.
Got it? From here on in, surface cleaning only.
Now you gonna tip me bigger if I look sexy in my uniform? Analogy's over, Ricky.
What more do you people need? You've seen the video of him torturing us.
That monster should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
So, it would be fair to say you hated CO Piscatella? Look at what he did to me! I'm like a doll that's been wrecked by a demented child.
He should rot in hell.
Then you admit to wanting CO Piscatella dead? Why? You have a connection to Make-A-Wish? [MICHELSON.]
We'll do you one better.
You're kidding.
[GASPS.]
Wait.
You think I have something to do with this? That would be the logical conclusion, seeing as how Piscatella's body was found in the same place we found you.
And you sure do seem to have plenty of motive.
One rolling cart for Hayes, and a mop for Gonzales.
Cops come down on me if this shit goes missing so try and keep your noses as clean as the floors, okay? Let's pick up the pace.
C block's getting filthier by the second.
Why we gotta mop enemy territory? Guess they're too good to clean their own shit.
Think it'd be wise to keep your mouth shut, Diaz.
Anyone else have a question? - [BLACK CINDY.]
Mmm-mmm.
- No, sir.
Let's hit it.
[BLACK CINDY CLEARS THROAT.]
This place is way too serious.
If we get jumped, we use these as weapons.
[GRUNTS.]
You don't think that they would hurt a pregnant lady, do you? Sir? Sir? You know she's a girl, right? Hey, right.
Um Miss? Ms.
Daddy? I know I'm not showing yet, but I am indeed with child.
Jesus.
You cookies ever stop whining? I'd never put my D girls in danger.
Especially not ones so pretty.
Yeah, I'm gonna look real good when my face turns black-and-blue.
Bruised fruit tastes the sweetest.
Hey, Duarte, list.
I can walk on my own now.
Really.
My legs feel much stronger.
If you say so.
[GROANS.]
Dagnabbit, Berlin! I knew this would happen.
- You hurt anything? - Oh, just my ego.
[SIGHS.]
I guess I can't do anything right anymore.
You know, that negative attitude is not helping your depression.
According to scientific studies, the best thing you can do to improve your mood is write lists of all the things you're grateful for.
I don't have paper or a pen.
For what? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
For the gratitude list.
I'd like to try it.
[SIGHS.]
All right.
What you should be grateful for is the fact that I'm letting you borrow this.
Don't even think about trying to kill yourself.
This is a felt-tip, it won't work, got it? Scout's honor.
[CELL DOOR CLOSES.]
They think we killed Piscatella.
I need to warn the girls.
Yo, Aunt Jemima, chill the fuck out or those COs will be up our asses faster than Mikey O'Brien's pinky finger.
What the hell is she doing? [MOUTHING.]
Piscatella is dead.
Oh, Red is really losing it.
[SIGHS.]
First word? - Get up.
Move.
- All right.
Cross.
Cock.
Penis? Penis.
Peeing? Pee? The first syllable is "P.
" [SIGHS.]
- Driving? Car crash? DUI? - Shut up.
You're distracting me.
[BADISON.]
What you should do is let me help you 'cause you suck at this, and I'm pretty much a charades savant, so [RED.]
Piss? Car Peeing? Urination? Urination drive? Driving Miss Daisy.
Damn.
How do you do that every time? [FRIEDA.]
"Giant killed.
Cops framing us.
" Hmm.
Shit.
Oh! Oh, Burt! Oh, God! Burt is the least of our problems.
The stash is gone.
Oh, God.
I swear, I will kill that flat-ass bitch with my bare hands.
[GRUNTS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[GRUNTS, SHOUTS.]
Carol, calm down.
Last sister you whacked landed your ass in here.
How many times do I have to tell you Barbie's the one who did it? I just brought Debbie to the lake.
- We need to be strategic.
- No.
What we need to do is to teach those D-block bitches a lesson.
- Show them they can't fuck with us.
- Agreed.
But shoot a deer in the gut, you wind up chasing it down for days.
Shoot it in the heart, you're eating venison by dinner.
[CHUCKLING.]
Frieda, meeting you was the luckiest day I had since I found that $50 bill on the bathroom floor of Dairy Queen.
- [DOOR BUZZES.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Damn.
Look at this place.
They got TV? Shit.
It's like we in the VIP section at the club.
[DAYANARA.]
That's 'cause the C-block birds got all the good jobs wrapping cheese for Grace Grocers.
So they sit here feeding their faces while we wipe their floors for 12 cents an hour just 'cause we're stuck in D block? Mmm-hmm.
It's called economic segregation.
We live on the wrong side of the tracks.
[RETCHING.]
Watch your back, Flaca.
- Do I know you? - No, but we know you.
- You're the chick from YouTube, right? - You saw that? - We love your shit.
Big fans.
- No, I liked the other one better.
Not me.
I find you more relatable.
Too bad your stuck with the douche-block trash.
Gonna make life here a whole lot harder.
- Looks like you missed a spot.
- [MOUTHING.]
I'm so sorry.
And they call themselves fans.
Seriously, that's, like, one full month of contour powder.
Hey, guys, check it out.
[BLACK CINDY.]
A shower kit Well, don't look at me.
Unless you want me to puke on her.
Tattoo artist beat you to it.
Oh, I say we send the famous one.
Girl's probably president of her fan club.
My fans know less is more.
Better idea, we borrow one from Mendoza.
Oh, Jesus! [WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON WALKIE-TALKIE.]
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON WALKIE-TALKIE.]
Oh, shit.
They're taking Frieda for questioning.
I'm too late.
It's your own fault for not using my help with Charades.
Everyone knows you don't use "car" when you wanna say "ca.
" This is not good at all.
Frieda doesn't have the information.
She won't know how to defend herself.
Well, if you want help getting the message out, the offer's still on the I refuse to take help from a girl whose greatest claim to fame is blowing a lesser Wahlberg.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, unless that fur-fringed crystal ball of yours can send psychic messages, I don't think you got much of a choice.
And everybody in my neighborhood, guys and girls, has blown a Wahlberg.
Not a big deal.
There's a lot of 'em.
- What you doing here? - Cleaning up after your happy hour.
Your mom knows you took a plea? Look, I don't need any guilt trips from you, okay? You think I don't feel bad enough? I can't sleep at night.
Everything hurts.
When I finally manage to close my eyes, all I can see is his fucking droopy face.
- I know you didn't mean for him to - That doesn't matter right now.
The only reason I came up here is 'cause I need to ask you for a favor.
- We lost all our shower stuff to the - Step away from the door, Mendoza.
Carol doesn't take kindly to fraternizing with the help.
And, bitch, don't you even think about stealing my brown Pantene.
That shit's getting discontinued.
Piscatella was killed in the pool.
- You mind saying that again? - Seriously, Creech? It's one sentence.
Girl, you know how much paint I huffed in middle school? That guard, Piscatella Tell them he was killed in the pool.
Piscatella was killed in the pool.
They say Piscatella got killed in the pool.
For real? Piscatella's dead? Why so sad, Curly Sue? Guard dies, you should throw a fucking party.
Yeah, uh, I'll wait to order the cake until after I don't go down for murder.
[SIGHS.]
Hey.
Excuse me.
Yes, I'm sorry to bother you, I really need to talk to my lawyer.
So he drowned? No dipstick, the pool was empty.
Wait, which guard was it again? I told you.
The one that used to work here.
Big guy.
Super tall.
Right, right.
Got it.
Great.
Ebony.
Not you, Baby Killer.
The other one.
Please, I am so bored.
I already read this one.
It's more character-driven than plotty, but it's intensely well observed.
I appreciate the two-cent review, but listen, your buddy across the way thought you might like to read it again.
You hear me? What else did she say? Deitland, please, throw me a bone.
I'll take anything.
Even the Bill O'Reilly book.
- Red is trying to send a message.
- [BETH.]
Try page 69.
They're always putting it there.
Think they're being so tricky.
[SIGHS.]
Lame.
Holy shit.
You're right.
"Tall one killed in pool.
" Tall one? Does she mean Alex? Damn.
I should've grabbed that Pantene when I had the chance.
Stupid.
The stupid part is that we have to steal it in the first place.
Hey, hey, hey.
One of Flaca's fangirls, she doesn't have her shower caddie thing with her.
[GASPS.]
[EXHALES.]
Screw this.
I'm goin' in.
Yes! I'm going with you.
Not to brag or nothing, but I once walked outta Toys "R" Us with 14 Bratz dolls in my pants.
Oh, yeah.
Bootylicious, just stand lookout.
Spewy McChunks, you gotta make a distraction.
Oh, no.
I don't think I have anything left.
- So fake it.
- All right! - Yo, Daya, come closer.
- I'm not done cleaning this area.
Well, my area is as ripe as the stanky cheese so all hands on deck! Come on.
Oh! Oh, mercy me.
Oh! When will it end? [MIMICS RETCHING.]
- [COUGHING.]
- There, there.
You'll be okay.
Uh-oh.
Gotta go get that.
Yay! [CHUCKLES.]
You're sure Nicky got the message? Trust me.
When it comes to this place, I'm fucking hi-speed digital broadband.
Overpriced with shitty customer service.
I don't remember charging you anything.
I know how people like you work.
You'll come to collect your debt eventually.
Lighten up, Chucky.
I'm on your team now.
Here, I'll even send some good vibes their way.
[DEEP BREATH.]
- Don't waste your time.
- Beats doing nothing.
'Specially if your crew gets in front of those big, scary Feds and decides to serve you up like Easter supper.
I were you, I'd get my butt in there, ASAP turn on them first.
You don't know my girls.
I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character.
But I guess we'll wait and see.
[CHUCKLES.]
They show up here again, you know they got your back.
But if they don't Sorry, I've forgotten the question.
You were explaining why your prints were on the weapon that killed CO Piscatella.
That's easy.
Because I moved it.
I didn't want anyone getting hurt.
You can't really be Annie Oakley with the shakes.
[NGUYEN.]
Nicky Nichols.
I wasn't told you'd have representation present.
Yeah.
I was having trouble, uh, pulling the trigger on my legal team.
Not that I literally pulled any triggers.
My client had nothing to do with the violence in the riot, nor was she involved in organizing it.
That's interesting.
Because I have testimony of over 30 inmates claiming they saw Ms.
Nichols break into the prison pharmacy and distribute thousands of dollars' worth of prescription medications.
Jesus.
It's like a George R.
R.
Martin novel.
[SCOFFS.]
I'll need to review a copy of that.
How is any of that even usable? Half of those girls were high the whole time.
I'd take this more seriously if I were you, Ms.
Nichols.
If you add up the theft, possession, and distribution charges the US Attorney's put together, you'll be facing an additional 70 years.
[INMATES GASPING.]
[BLACK CINDY.]
Shit! Burn, bitch.
Burn.
[TAYSTEE.]
Fuck you, Piscatella.
[BLACK CINDY.]
Yeah.
What you got I'll tell you right now, when a jury sees that, they're gonna think, riot organizer.
I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to intimidate my client with your scare tactics.
Ms.
Chapman had no involvement in the riot's organization.
If anything, she was its victim.
A victim who quite willingly participated in that bonfire and captured it all on video.
But let's give Ms.
Chapman a chance to speak for herself, shall we? Ms.
Chapman? Ms.
Chapman? I'm sorry.
What? I'd like you to detail exactly how you participated in the riot.
You want to know what I did during the riot? I ran around collecting Cheetos and organizing an art installation.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
That's what I chose to do when I could have been with Alex I couldn't see who fired the gun.
It was so dark.
And And there was so much noise and smoke and confusion How about we look at some pictures? That might jog your memory.
Well, they They look familiar.
But But my mind's not what it used to be.
What about her? You think it could have been her? I might be able to answer your question if we could have a little talk first about my situation.
[LES.]
Give me a break.
We both know whatever AUSA you're paired up with could give a rat's ass about some bullshit drug charges.
So, unless you have something real you wanna discuss, Agent Nig-oo-yen, uh, I'd appreciate it if you didn't waste any more of our time.
It's pronounced "Noog-yen.
" Actually, it's "Wen.
" - "Wen"? - Always.
Apologies, Agent Nguyen.
My colleague was merely suggesting that you put a deal on the table.
We both know that the only thing you care about is identifying the leaders of the riot and determining who killed CO Piscatella.
I'll need to speak to the US Attorney's Office first.
Okay, so you're telling me you have no idea how CO Piscatella came to be in that underground bunker? I I guess Red she made us bring him down there.
- [MICHELSON.]
Galina Reznikov? - Yes.
I'm curious, Ms.
Chapman.
Why would a group of inmates want a guard with them down in that pool? - Piper, you don't have to answer that.
- To torture him.
She wanted to torture him for torturing us.
She couldn't let it go.
Her fucking obsession brought that crazy man into the prison and now Alex is You know, you should all go fuck yourselves.
I don't care anymore.
That is very helpful, Ms.
Berlin.
I appreciate your cooperation.
And I appreciate yours.
I still have some questions about that bunker pool, where CO Piscatella's body was found.
Sit.
They're going to make you a deal, Nicky.
All you have to do is give them a name.
I don't know who the fuck killed Piscatella.
I mean, the last I saw the guy, he was Okay, unfortunately, very much alive.
Well, then maybe you can name one of the organizers.
Now, you mentioned the woman on the phone, right? Who took you into the bunker.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- She had a color instead of a name.
Wait, first off, you named your kid Atticus so you lost your right to judge.
Second, Red is my friend.
Based on what you told us of her leadership role, the AUSA probably already has a case against her.
- Good for them.
I'm not a snitch.
- Who cares? You're gonna give up the rest of your life to protect some lousy criminal? [CHUCKLES.]
Not that it matters, but Red just happens to be one of the few people in my life who actually cares about me.
Kid, please, I am begging you not to blow this.
Oh, don't worry about that 'cause I haven't blown anything since at least 2006.
Okay.
Why don't you take the night and sleep on it, Nicky? I know that this is a hard decision, but if you want any sort of a life beyond these bars, then this may be your only chance.
[SIGHS.]
[BELLAMY.]
Contraband peanut butter, 23 cans of Hormel baked beans, a 1994 Dell computer, all of them covered in your fingerprints.
Not to mention ample forensic evidence suggesting CO Piscatella was bound in a bovine-themed stockade.
[CHUCKLES.]
We let him go.
- Who's "we"? - I let him go.
Sounds to me like you held him hostage.
After all, he was tied up in your secret bunker.
Crazy bastard stormed the place.
He was gonna kill all of us.
So you decided to stop him before he got the chance.
- No.
- Oh, so you only tortured him.
We immobilized him.
No one did anything after that.
He just sat there with his head in the cow.
I need another name, Ms.
Berlin.
That deal we talked about earlier, about keeping you in Ad Seg, away from all those dangerous women We did more than talk, we shook on it.
And I gave you the black girl.
We had a deal.
Well, things evolve.
You wanna keep your private room, you're gonna have to give me another name.
Perhaps a Russian one.
They've been gone for hours, you'd think they'd be back by now.
Jesus, Chucky, enough with the pacing.
It's like you got a Fitbit stashed up your snatch.
- What's happening? Where is everyone? - Don't know about that.
You gotta come with me, the investigators wanna talk to you.
But I already spoke with them.
See? What'd I tell ya, you don't look out for number one, you wind up steppin' in number two.
Move it along, ladies.
Check it out.
- Give me that conditioner.
- Chill, there's enough to go around.
[BLACK CINDY.]
Mmm! I'm gonna get all up in them nooks and crannies.
[LAUGHING.]
[GAGS.]
I know my nose has been a little sensitive lately, but this shampoo, it doesn't smell so good.
Smell.
- Ugh, that shit is nasty! - Wait.
You don't think that Holy fuck! - [RETCHES.]
- This ain't shampoo, it's sham-piss! [ALL EXCLAIMING.]
Daddy, come here, you gotta see this.
Cunt block whizzed in their soaps.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Inmates, back in your cells, now.
Wow, you girls must be pissed.
Fuck off.
This is your fault for stealing our shit in the first place.
[SCREAMS.]
You better watch your mouth, Diaz, or I'll put you in the SHU for trying to incite another riot.
[DAYANARA GROANING.]
[WHIMPERING.]
Knock, knock.
[SIGHS.]
What do you want? This is not representative of my gift-basket skills.
I can put together a tight-ass themed basket on the outside.
Tight-ass is a theme? - Ah, she's funny, too.
- I ain't falling for no more pranks.
That Pert-piss trick's for amateurs.
If I was gonna pull something like that, I'd go all the way, and use number two.
It's already built in the name.
"Shampoo.
" Trust me, mamacita.
I'm looking out for you.
Mmm.
Almost as good as you look.
I put in a little something extra to help with the pain.
And so you can get some shut-eye.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Interim Warden Figueroa.
Natalie, hi, it's Linda Ferguson from MCC.
Linda? I usually deal with Stan.
Oh, I'm I'm so sorry.
I just assumed that Jack had called you about our shake-up over at corporate.
- That doesn't sound good.
- Actually, it's fantastic.
Not so much for Stan, but for me, I was formerly head of purchasing, but as of this morning, I'm the new senior vice president.
Linda from Purchasing.
Congratulations.
I look forward to working with you.
Thank you.
I was hoping to hit the ground running, I'd love it if you and I could grab a drink this week to go over some of my new ideas.
Sounds wonderful.
Let's go, inmate.
It's moving day.
No.
Well, that can't be right.
They told me I could stay here in Ad Seg.
Well, that's not what my orders were.
Now hurry up, move it along.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Fucking kill you, Duffy! Fucking cheese block's at it again.
[GRUNTING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[indistinct muttering, chuckling.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER AND CHEERING.]
[INMATE.]
That was good.
Let's do that again.
Let's get another.
Here we go.
[CHEERING.]
Let's go, D block, come on.
Where the fuck is Frieda? Haven't seen her since the bottom of the third.
I saw her gettin' walked off by a CO, I think.
Damn it! This whole thing was her plan.
Plus, she fucked up our kicking order.
Maybe she's in the bathroom.
You're up, Carol! Unless you want an automatic out for delay of game.
Fuck it, I'll do it myself.
We go on my signal.
They'll never know what hit âem.
Hey.
Don't we get any weapons? Use what God gave you.
What are you, a fucking pussy? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
[YELLING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
Fuck no! Don't just stand there like dummies! Go! [GRUNTING.]
What's your goddamn damage, Carol? You are.
Never could stand losing to me, could you? Always had to ruin a perfectly good game, just like when we played Risk.
That's because you always cheated! [GRUNTS.]
Bullcrap! Bull-true! You think I care about some stupid game? You stole my stash! - What the hell are you talking about? - I'd fuckin' kill you twice.
Once for stealing my drugs, and once for my Burt poster.
Burt Reynolds sucks balls.
And I didn't take your drugs.
Double-dog pinky, Care.
If I did, I'd be struttin' and you know it.
- [GUARD 1.]
Someone call this in? - [GUARD 2.]
Yeah, I got it.
[YELLING.]
Frieda! Nice work, Berlin.
About that transfer? - Got a van waiting outside.
- Pleasure doing business.
Frieda.
Stay out of trouble up the hill.
You just made a lot of big enemies down here.
Entering.
[DOOR BUZZES.]
["KOKOMO" BY THE BEACH BOYS PLAYING.]
Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take ya Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama Key Largo, Montego Baby, why don't we go? Jamaica Off the Florida Keys There's a place called Kokomo You're the one who let me play Frogger.
Um, do you want a pudding cup? They gave me an extra, but too much sugar gets me tizzified.
Not not right now.
Thanks.
I don't know whose knob you greased to get in here, but welcome to Florida.
Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama Key Largo, Montego Baby, why don't we go? Hey, Suzanne, I changed my mind about that pudding.
Oh.
That's where we wanna go Down in Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take ya To Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama Key Largo, Montego Baby, why don't we go? Ooh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo We'll get there fast And then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go Way down in Kokomo Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse Everybody knows A little place like Kokomo Now if you wanna go And get away from it all Go down to Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take ya To Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama