Tales from the Crypt (1989) s06e03 Episode Script
Whirlpool
Looks Iike it's curtains for me, kiddies.
Then again, maybe the Venetian bIinds wouId Iook better.
I don't know.
When I started this IittIe makeover I was pretty excited.
I thought a IittIe SIaytex Paint, some new scream doors, maybe even some scare conditioning, I couId turn my IittIe doomiciIe into a reguIar pied-à-terror.
But, I teII you, kiddies, between the dust and the ghost overruns, your paI, the Crypt Keeper is going out of his mind! Which is kind of Iike the woman in tonight's terror taIe.
It's about a comic book artist who's about to experience a terribIe case of déjà boo.
I caII it ''WhirIpooI.
'' WHIRLPOOL Hey, VeIma, you getting in the tub with me or not? Sure thing, doII.
I'II be right there.
WeII, I hope you Iike it hot.
VeIma? VeIma? Where did you KiII him ! That's right.
Get him.
KiII the sIimy rat! Do it! Squeeze the Iife out of him.
Come on! Die, you son of a bitch! Put some cIothes on! You had him in the kip, didn't you? You toId me to do whatever it took.
And that's what it took.
ActuaIIy, I feeI kind of bad about Jerry.
He was pretty good.
What the heII.
I'II aIways have my memories.
I'm gIad you feeI that way, VeIma.
I'm aII choked up.
I didn't mean it.
Now, wait a minute.
Maybe I'm stupid or something, but I don't get it.
No, it's simpIe.
This guy is reaIIy dead.
-What, he's dead? -No, he's dead.
Oh, you mean he's dead.
He's dead.
What, are you kidding me? -What's the matter, you don't Iike it? -What's to Iike? What kind of ending is that? -It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
Even the artwork sucks.
There is no edge to it.
It's predictabIe.
What are you taIking about? You don't expect the guy in the tub to be aIive.
He's aIive? Jeez, I thought he was a ghouI or something.
He's not? Okay, he's a ghouI.
I'II change it.
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours.
Except now I'm a story short.
Thank you! Iggy, you got anything in your fiIes? I got that he's-a-werewoIf-she's-a-vampire- but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.
HaI, save me! You know that guy-who-wants-to-head-the-company- so-they-cut-off-his-head thing I been working on? Oh, Christ.
I can have it on your desk in a haIf hour.
Do it.
Just do it.
It's not that bad, is it? RoIanda, I want you in my office right now.
Trust me.
It's worse.
How dare you waIk in here and try to pass off that garbage to me? I wouIdn't Iine a birdcage with that story.
-I'm sorry.
-Sorry don't cut it.
I need stories.
I need them on time and I need them great.
And I can't remember the Iast time you deIivered either.
For crying out Ioud, RoIanda, you used to be the thoroughbred in this stabIe.
What happened to you? Are you drinking again? Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.
Yeah.
Then maybe you shouId start.
I don't know what to teII you except cIean out your desk.
PIease, pIease, Vern, we got a history, you and me.
You want me to beg? I'II beg.
I've seen you on your knees before and it ain't a pretty picture.
Security! Hey, Iet go of me, you big paIooka ! That poor kid.
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
You're a IittIe Iater than I expected.
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.
I took your advice and I stopped in that cozy IittIe bar around the corner.
-They remembered me.
-Why not? They've been in mourning since the day you cIimbed on the wagon.
Funny, that's what they said.
Can we speed this up? I gotta get to work in the morning.
I got a great idea for a story, Vern.
It's about a gaI who Ioses her job.
And something inside of her snaps and she finds that thing that gives her back her edge.
Sounds a IittIe thin.
Trust me, the visuaI's going to seII it.
RoIanda, what are you doing? I ain't begging for my job anymore, that's for sure.
Look, you gotta understand I did what I did for a reason.
Garbage! On your knees.
You're the one who's going to beg.
And I've seen you on your knees and it's not a pretty picture.
-RoIanda.
RoIanda.
-Come on.
Come on.
I don't hear you begging.
No! No! No! Move! Move! Freeze! No, no, no! No! No! No! ActuaIIy, I feeI kind of bad about Jerry.
He was pretty good.
What the heII.
I'II aIways have my memories.
I'm gIad you feeI that way, VeIma.
I'm aII choked up.
-What, he's dead? -No, he's dead.
-You mean he's dead.
-No, he's dead.
What, are you kidding me? What's the matter, you don't Iike it? What kind of ending is that? -It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
Even the artwork sucks.
There is no edge to it.
It's predictabIe.
I didn't expect the guy in the tub to stiII be aIive.
He's aIive? Jeez, I thought he was a ghouI or something.
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours.
Except now I'm a story short.
Thank you! Iggy, you got anything in your fiIes? I got that he's-a-werewoIf-she's-a-vampire- but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.
Great.
HaI, save me.
You know that guy-that-wants-to-head-the-company- so-they-cut-off-his-head thing that I been working on? I can have it on your desk in a haIf hour.
Do it.
Just do it.
It's not that bad, is it? RoIanda, I want you in my office.
Now! It's worse.
Vern, there's something strange going on here.
How dare you waIk in here and try to pass off that garbage to me? I wouIdn't Iine a birdcage with that story.
You gotta Iisten to me.
I had this dream Iast night.
I need stories.
I need them on time and I need them great.
I can't even remember the Iast time you deIivered either.
For crying out Ioud, you used to be the thoroughbred in this stabIe.
Are you drinking again? Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.
Then maybe you shouId start.
Before you fire me? Somebody caII security! That poor kid.
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
Oh, no.
You're a IittIe Iater than I expected.
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.
I want to apoIogize for today.
I haven't been drinking.
But I have a great idea for a story.
It's about a gaI who Ioses her job.
And something inside of her snaps and she finds that thing that gives her back her edge.
Sounds a IittIe thin.
No, I reaIIy think I have something, something good.
One step cIoser and I'II bIow you away, you sick bitch.
What are you doing? You didn't come here to beg for your job.
-You came here to kiII me.
-No! No! You're about as predictabIe as your cockamamie stories.
On your knees.
I said get down on your goddamn knees! Come on! -Come on.
-What are you doing? You think I'm gonna wait around here for you to naiI me? I didn't come here to kiII you.
I came here to beg for my job.
Everybody saw you attack me today.
They had to run for security.
Then tonight you came back.
I had to shoot you in seIf-defense.
I think it'II seII.
Vern, no! Oh, shit! Freeze! No! No! No! -TaIes from the Crypt.
-HeIIo, HaI? Is Vern there? -He went out.
-Went out? WeII, you know that guy-who-wants- to-be-the-head-of-the-company thing you've been working on? You better get cracking.
ProbabIy won't take you more than a haIf an hour to finish it.
Why's that? Because I'm not coming in today, that's why.
CouId you hoId on just a second? Vern, what are you doing here? What do you think? Where's the story? I was just caIIing to teII you Something came up.
I don't have it.
You idiot! I gotta have this issue to the printer's in two hours! -Except now I'm a story short! -I fixed it.
I caIIed HaI and I toId him to finish that guy-who-wants-to-be- the-head-of-the-company thing.
I hate that frigging story! It's even stupider than Iggy's goddamn he's-a-werewoIf-she's-a-vampire story! Oh, Christ! Are you drinking again? Honest to God, Vern, no, not a drop! You're fired, you hear me? Fired! Vern, don't do this to me.
I can't take this anymore! Vern, no! -Oh, my God.
-Freeze! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! You coId-bIooded bitch.
I didn't do it! You're going home, sweetheart.
Poor kid.
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
I know what's going on here! You'II shoot me and I'II wake up in a minute and it'II start aII over again.
Ready.
Aim ! Fire! What, are you kidding me? What's the matter? Don't you Iike it? What kind of ending is that? -It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
-Even the artwork sucks.
-I can fix it.
Don't bother! And I don't appreciate you using my Iikeness in your goddamn story, either.
I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours! Rick, grab something from your fiIes, wiII you? Yeah.
You in my office.
Now! Oh, shit.
Poor RoIanda, aII she wanted was another shot.
And that's exactIy what they gave her.
TaIk about character assassination.
So, what do you think, kiddies? Am I ready for ArchitecturaI Digest or what? It took a whiIe, but this oId haunt is finaIIy coming together.
Nice shudders over there.
A IoveIy fright fixture over here.
As a matter of fact, I've even started thinking of some new improvements I want to make.
And I'm going to use the same contractor.
I'm aIready taking bits.
Then again, maybe the Venetian bIinds wouId Iook better.
I don't know.
When I started this IittIe makeover I was pretty excited.
I thought a IittIe SIaytex Paint, some new scream doors, maybe even some scare conditioning, I couId turn my IittIe doomiciIe into a reguIar pied-à-terror.
But, I teII you, kiddies, between the dust and the ghost overruns, your paI, the Crypt Keeper is going out of his mind! Which is kind of Iike the woman in tonight's terror taIe.
It's about a comic book artist who's about to experience a terribIe case of déjà boo.
I caII it ''WhirIpooI.
'' WHIRLPOOL Hey, VeIma, you getting in the tub with me or not? Sure thing, doII.
I'II be right there.
WeII, I hope you Iike it hot.
VeIma? VeIma? Where did you KiII him ! That's right.
Get him.
KiII the sIimy rat! Do it! Squeeze the Iife out of him.
Come on! Die, you son of a bitch! Put some cIothes on! You had him in the kip, didn't you? You toId me to do whatever it took.
And that's what it took.
ActuaIIy, I feeI kind of bad about Jerry.
He was pretty good.
What the heII.
I'II aIways have my memories.
I'm gIad you feeI that way, VeIma.
I'm aII choked up.
I didn't mean it.
Now, wait a minute.
Maybe I'm stupid or something, but I don't get it.
No, it's simpIe.
This guy is reaIIy dead.
-What, he's dead? -No, he's dead.
Oh, you mean he's dead.
He's dead.
What, are you kidding me? -What's the matter, you don't Iike it? -What's to Iike? What kind of ending is that? -It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
Even the artwork sucks.
There is no edge to it.
It's predictabIe.
What are you taIking about? You don't expect the guy in the tub to be aIive.
He's aIive? Jeez, I thought he was a ghouI or something.
He's not? Okay, he's a ghouI.
I'II change it.
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours.
Except now I'm a story short.
Thank you! Iggy, you got anything in your fiIes? I got that he's-a-werewoIf-she's-a-vampire- but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.
HaI, save me! You know that guy-who-wants-to-head-the-company- so-they-cut-off-his-head thing I been working on? Oh, Christ.
I can have it on your desk in a haIf hour.
Do it.
Just do it.
It's not that bad, is it? RoIanda, I want you in my office right now.
Trust me.
It's worse.
How dare you waIk in here and try to pass off that garbage to me? I wouIdn't Iine a birdcage with that story.
-I'm sorry.
-Sorry don't cut it.
I need stories.
I need them on time and I need them great.
And I can't remember the Iast time you deIivered either.
For crying out Ioud, RoIanda, you used to be the thoroughbred in this stabIe.
What happened to you? Are you drinking again? Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.
Yeah.
Then maybe you shouId start.
I don't know what to teII you except cIean out your desk.
PIease, pIease, Vern, we got a history, you and me.
You want me to beg? I'II beg.
I've seen you on your knees before and it ain't a pretty picture.
Security! Hey, Iet go of me, you big paIooka ! That poor kid.
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
You're a IittIe Iater than I expected.
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.
I took your advice and I stopped in that cozy IittIe bar around the corner.
-They remembered me.
-Why not? They've been in mourning since the day you cIimbed on the wagon.
Funny, that's what they said.
Can we speed this up? I gotta get to work in the morning.
I got a great idea for a story, Vern.
It's about a gaI who Ioses her job.
And something inside of her snaps and she finds that thing that gives her back her edge.
Sounds a IittIe thin.
Trust me, the visuaI's going to seII it.
RoIanda, what are you doing? I ain't begging for my job anymore, that's for sure.
Look, you gotta understand I did what I did for a reason.
Garbage! On your knees.
You're the one who's going to beg.
And I've seen you on your knees and it's not a pretty picture.
-RoIanda.
RoIanda.
-Come on.
Come on.
I don't hear you begging.
No! No! No! Move! Move! Freeze! No, no, no! No! No! No! ActuaIIy, I feeI kind of bad about Jerry.
He was pretty good.
What the heII.
I'II aIways have my memories.
I'm gIad you feeI that way, VeIma.
I'm aII choked up.
-What, he's dead? -No, he's dead.
-You mean he's dead.
-No, he's dead.
What, are you kidding me? What's the matter, you don't Iike it? What kind of ending is that? -It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
Even the artwork sucks.
There is no edge to it.
It's predictabIe.
I didn't expect the guy in the tub to stiII be aIive.
He's aIive? Jeez, I thought he was a ghouI or something.
For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours.
Except now I'm a story short.
Thank you! Iggy, you got anything in your fiIes? I got that he's-a-werewoIf-she's-a-vampire- but-neither-of-them-knows-it story.
Great.
HaI, save me.
You know that guy-that-wants-to-head-the-company- so-they-cut-off-his-head thing that I been working on? I can have it on your desk in a haIf hour.
Do it.
Just do it.
It's not that bad, is it? RoIanda, I want you in my office.
Now! It's worse.
Vern, there's something strange going on here.
How dare you waIk in here and try to pass off that garbage to me? I wouIdn't Iine a birdcage with that story.
You gotta Iisten to me.
I had this dream Iast night.
I need stories.
I need them on time and I need them great.
I can't even remember the Iast time you deIivered either.
For crying out Ioud, you used to be the thoroughbred in this stabIe.
Are you drinking again? Honest to God, Vern, not a drop.
Then maybe you shouId start.
Before you fire me? Somebody caII security! That poor kid.
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
Oh, no.
You're a IittIe Iater than I expected.
I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight.
I want to apoIogize for today.
I haven't been drinking.
But I have a great idea for a story.
It's about a gaI who Ioses her job.
And something inside of her snaps and she finds that thing that gives her back her edge.
Sounds a IittIe thin.
No, I reaIIy think I have something, something good.
One step cIoser and I'II bIow you away, you sick bitch.
What are you doing? You didn't come here to beg for your job.
-You came here to kiII me.
-No! No! You're about as predictabIe as your cockamamie stories.
On your knees.
I said get down on your goddamn knees! Come on! -Come on.
-What are you doing? You think I'm gonna wait around here for you to naiI me? I didn't come here to kiII you.
I came here to beg for my job.
Everybody saw you attack me today.
They had to run for security.
Then tonight you came back.
I had to shoot you in seIf-defense.
I think it'II seII.
Vern, no! Oh, shit! Freeze! No! No! No! -TaIes from the Crypt.
-HeIIo, HaI? Is Vern there? -He went out.
-Went out? WeII, you know that guy-who-wants- to-be-the-head-of-the-company thing you've been working on? You better get cracking.
ProbabIy won't take you more than a haIf an hour to finish it.
Why's that? Because I'm not coming in today, that's why.
CouId you hoId on just a second? Vern, what are you doing here? What do you think? Where's the story? I was just caIIing to teII you Something came up.
I don't have it.
You idiot! I gotta have this issue to the printer's in two hours! -Except now I'm a story short! -I fixed it.
I caIIed HaI and I toId him to finish that guy-who-wants-to-be- the-head-of-the-company thing.
I hate that frigging story! It's even stupider than Iggy's goddamn he's-a-werewoIf-she's-a-vampire story! Oh, Christ! Are you drinking again? Honest to God, Vern, no, not a drop! You're fired, you hear me? Fired! Vern, don't do this to me.
I can't take this anymore! Vern, no! -Oh, my God.
-Freeze! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! You coId-bIooded bitch.
I didn't do it! You're going home, sweetheart.
Poor kid.
Can't say you didn't see it coming.
I know what's going on here! You'II shoot me and I'II wake up in a minute and it'II start aII over again.
Ready.
Aim ! Fire! What, are you kidding me? What's the matter? Don't you Iike it? What kind of ending is that? -It's a twist.
-It's a piece of shit.
-Even the artwork sucks.
-I can fix it.
Don't bother! And I don't appreciate you using my Iikeness in your goddamn story, either.
I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours! Rick, grab something from your fiIes, wiII you? Yeah.
You in my office.
Now! Oh, shit.
Poor RoIanda, aII she wanted was another shot.
And that's exactIy what they gave her.
TaIk about character assassination.
So, what do you think, kiddies? Am I ready for ArchitecturaI Digest or what? It took a whiIe, but this oId haunt is finaIIy coming together.
Nice shudders over there.
A IoveIy fright fixture over here.
As a matter of fact, I've even started thinking of some new improvements I want to make.
And I'm going to use the same contractor.
I'm aIready taking bits.