The Venture Bros (2003) s06e03 Episode Script
Faking Miracles
You'll never get away with this, Scaramantula! [Italian accent.]
Ah, but I already have, Dr.
Venture.
And before I finish this precocious '47 Monfortino, my mecha-tarantula will finish a-you! Italian spider bot.
If it's engineered anything like your Fiats, we've naught to worry about.
[Tires screeching.]
Che cosa? [Tires screeching, men shouting.]
[guns firing.]
[Neck cracks.]
Aah!! [Screaming.]
Wow! That Chinaman's dynamite.
- We got to get us one of those.
- I don't think he's on our side.
[Bone crunches.]
Great work, Kato.
[Gun clicks.]
Come on out, Scaramantula.
- You're finished.
- Well, if it isn't the Blue Morpho.
If you think you can just waltz in here and muscle in on my racket, you've got another thing coming! [Gun hisses.]
Ooh-ah.
It's "another think coming.
" God! [Glass shatters.]
No need to be alarmed, Dr.
Venture.
I'll have you free in a jiff.
- You're in the hands of the Blue - Blue Morpho.
Yes, I've heard of you.
Nothing good, I'm afraid.
[Arm pops.]
Ow! Wait a minute.
I'm not ow! But after that, they become, like, friends and stuff.
He shows up again in issue 36 - when they team up to fight L.
Ron Hubbard.
- Yeah, super.
None of this explains what he was doing in my basement.
Dude, this was your parents' basement.
Don't you get it? Your dad was the Blue Morpho.
[Scoffs.]
Please.
My father was a boozed-up socialite who collected butterflies in his copious spare time.
- No way he could've been a su - Superhero? - Ow! - Don't you dare! Dude, millionaire playboy's, like, the number-one superhero alter ego.
Come on, butterflies? Think about it Blue Morpho.
- What the [bleep.]
is a Morpho?! - It's a kind of butterfly, dingus.
Uh I'm sorry.
It's just a lot to process, okay? I mean, my god "crime computer"? [Sighs.]
So corny.
- Well, at least he had a cool car.
- [Engine sputters.]
No duh.
Say, did Blue Morpho ever has his own comic book? Uh canceled after six issues.
Not Kirby's best work.
6x03 - "Faking Miracles" [Children shouting.]
Hank: Aw, come on, Brock.
Why not? Because it's like cheating, Hank.
But so is flying in an airplane or having a fake leg, - when you think about it.
Which I do.
- For the last time no! You cannot have anabolic steroids.
You want to get fit? This is how you do it.
[Gasping.]
Make it stop.
Please, make it stop.
One more lap, soon-to-be college boy.
A deal's a deal.
Hey, shoe's untied.
Made you look! Hank, that gag only works with Dean why are you wearing shoes?! Ah, let's get you some water.
[Babbling incoherently.]
Before you end up like that guy.
Hohhh.
[Music.]
[Babbling continues.]
[Panting.]
- Hank: Ow! - Aah! [Electricity crackles.]
Ow! Harpoon tase me, bro.
- Hey, hey, hey, are you okay, Miss Ong? - Yeah, quit being so handsy, Rocco.
Yo, Dante, lay off him.
He's just a kid.
- Hi.
- Aargh! Pirate Captain: Ah, once the consumer electronics took off, chairman kind of lost interest in all his super science tinkerin'.
He never used this here floor for nothing but storage.
I bet she'll make a fine lab bright and true.
It's perfect, Captain.
Yep, this is where were gonna make the miracles.
Eh, I was kind of hoping for an office with a view.
[Whirring.]
Oh, my god! This place is so cool! You could fit 50 quiz caves in here.
Hey, I got next.
- What is that thing? - Ah, that there is the Go-pod.
Car of the future kind of deal.
Zero emissions, titanium uni-body.
Electromagnets are what keep her afloat.
See? This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Let's toss this baby into production and call it a day.
Eh, well, don't punch the clock just yet there, Doc.
She's been know to cause sterility and heart murmurs in rhesus monkeys.
Wait, what? Aah! [crash.]
Also, she don't stop so good.
- Hey, Dr.
Billy! Cool car! - Dr.
Venture: Billy, come on.
We gonna make the miracles or what here? So, as regards to motion on the floor, all in favor Councilman 1? - Hello? Dr.
Mrs.
Whatever now? - Huh? Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Then it's settled.
We shall officially invite Professor Phineas Phage - to rejoin this esteemed council.
- [Refined southern accent.]
Well, that's one down.
[Gruff southern accent.]
Yeah, but five to go.
Four, if we ever find Vendata.
Has anyone heard from him? - Not since that date at Don Hell's.
- Well, we can't hold his seat forever.
Have we any other business? I, for one, would like to thank our newest member for hosting this meeting in his lovely home.
[Indistinct agreement.]
Please, it's me who should be thanking you all for accommodating a doting father on this, his daughter's special day.
Sirena: I said I am fine, Rocco! Marone! Quit following me around like a [bleep.]
puppy dog.
- You're embarrassing yourself.
- Spirited girl.
Excuse me for a moment.
Badhul, show our guests where they can change for the party.
- Talk to me.
- Eh, some kid in the park got a little too friendly with her, so we got a little unfriendly with him.
- Where are Dante and Turio? - They, uh they didn't make it.
Huh, that must have been some kid.
Monarch: All right, first thing's first.
We get car running, and we give it a fresh coat of Mighty Monarch maroon and marigold.
And whatever we do, we do not tell my wi [Cellphone beeping.]
_ _ [Cellphone rings and buzzes.]
Hi, honey.
No, I didn't hear them.
I was in the shower ing.
Oh, good.
You're getting ready.
For the party.
At Wide Wale's.
I told you last week.
You know, I didn't forget it.
I don't want to go to that.
- 'Cause I hate those people.
- Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Sweetie, those people are my coworkers.
And they're exactly the people you need to impress if you want to up your rank in the Guild.
Come ooon! Just make an appearance.
Turn on the old Monarch charm.
- [whispers.]
Monarch.
Monarch.
- What?! Dude, you got to go to that.
[Whining.]
I want to stay here and play with my new cave.
The list.
The guys arching Venture are probably gonna be there.
- We could do recon.
- Good point.
Hey, can 21 come, too? No henchmen.
What? Okay.
Okay.
Okaaay, I will.
I Sorry.
Okay, see ya soon, honey bunny.
[Cellphone beeps.]
She wants me to bring wine.
Ha! I should piss in it.
There's that Monarch charm.
All right.
How about this one Ven-Tech deep-earth mining mech [Charging, zap.]
- Oh! Hey! Watch it! - Sorry! Sorry.
- I didn't know it was on.
- [Scoffs.]
Mining mech, my ass.
Put that thing away and refile it under "murder bot.
" Next.
[Powering down.]
Why are we digging through J.
J.
's Project Morgue anyways? - What are you looking for? - Inspiration? A head start? I don't know.
I've been out of the game for a while.
I'm a little rusty.
Not as in Rusty Venture, I mean.
Yes, I know what you meant.
But we didn't come here to be a couple of patent clerks.
And don't say Einstein was a patent clerk I know.
I thought you hired us for our creative genius.
Billy! Check it out.
[Robotically.]
We are the robots.
[Sighs.]
Point taken.
Nice.
[glass shatters.]
That's coming out of your first paycheck, whatever it was.
White, get out of that thing and get me a dust pan.
Whoa! Geez! Ugh! [All shouting.]
- What the hell was that thing? - What does it want from us?! W-W-Where did it go? [Humming.]
[Schlorp!.]
Aah!! [Breathing heavily.]
Dean, come in, Dean.
You okay? Huh? Wha? - Hey.
- Brock? Y-You're in my mirror? Interactive smart surface something crap.
You feeling okay? - Brock, are Candiru native to New York? - Huh? What is that? One of the questions on that college test of yours? No.
I My [Sighs.]
Never mind.
Are you still gonna help me study - even though I couldn't do all the laps? - Yeah, sure.
Yay! Study buddies! [Indistinct conversation and mid-tempo piano jazz playing.]
Oh, this.
Lost it in the war.
Oh, I loathe mixing with civilians.
- They all look at me as if I have - What? Two heads? Go figure.
God, is that Redusa? Ooh, I haven't seen her in ages.
She has held up.
- Didn't you two have a thing? - It was more of a fling.
Insatiable, that one.
It got to be murder on my back.
Hot.
You should go talk to her.
I could be your winged man.
Get you another? What are you drinking there, star dust? 'Cause you are a radiant little thing.
Uhh thanks.
I'm doing okay.
Oh, you're way past okay, bright eyes.
That heavenly body could make the Moon jealous.
Mm.
Yes.
I'm just waiting for my husband.
Ooh, it ain't like that, Lady M.
This here's a business call.
Not that it ain't a pleasure.
Name's Copy Cat.
Maybe think of me next time your tribal council's having a pow-wow about new members.
I'm not sure we need someone who his superpower seems to be bad pickup lines.
Well, I'm a man of many talents, but my best one is being in the right place at the right time.
A talent I wish my husband shared about now.
If you'll excuse me, I think I need some fresh air.
You go on, now.
Give that old moon what for.
Wide Wale: Ah, ah, ah.
You're 18 today, princess, not 21.
Oh, excuse me.
Suddenly you're Mr.
Law and Order? What's eating you, tadpole? Ain't I made a nice party for you? I never asked for no fancy party with no foo-foo food.
I just want a normal life without them butter guards of yours watching me all the time.
Ah, come on, daddy knows what'll cheer you up.
Remember when you was little? There was one thing in the world that could always make you smile.
[Italian accent.]
Yes, sir.
One large pie, extra cheese, and little a-clams.
Hey, a-new kid! Got a delivery for you best a-customer! Don't screw up.
Yes, sir! Hank Venture is on the job! [Whistling, whirring.]
[Horns honking.]
Oh! [Crash.]
[Whistling.]
[Car alarm chirps.]
[Elevator dings.]
Hold it! Hold the elevator! [Glass shatters.]
Thanks, dick.
- May I help you? - I doubt it.
Yeah, Mighty Monarch.
My wife invited me.
Uh, just minute, sir.
You cannot go inside like Uh, excuse me.
Is this apartment fi What? - Badhul, is that the pizz'? - [Gasps.]
Oh-ooh.
Here, let me help you with that.
- I'm so sorry - Rocco, come here and pay the guy, will you? [Italian accent.]
Uh, the pizza, she is a-pipping - [Normal voice.]
Hot.
- Yeah, yeah, okay, guy.
What do we owe yoooou?! Son of a bitch! [gasps.]
You! You get over here, you piece of sh! [Indistinct conversation.]
Honey! Hey! Uh, sweetie! I'm here.
You mind telling me what the hell you think you're wearing? Wha my Mighty Monarch outfi Ow.
There are civilians here, my legitimate business associates.
- This is not a costume party, you little bug.
- Yeah? What about that guy? - Regrettably, this is my face, sir.
- And you bear it with dignity, old friend.
You be proud of that face.
But you! You get the hell out of my house before I throw you out.
Hey, no need for a scene, there Mr.
Clean.
My pad's right downstairs.
How about I swing Mr.
Monarch on down there and tune him up proper like with some appropriate attire.
[moaning.]
Whoa.
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, god.
How long has it been, Red? - I think she wants to go all the way.
Thanks for saving me back there, man.
The wife would kill me if I made a scene in front of her work friends.
Oh, [chuckles.]
hell hath no fury, eh, tomcat? [Snaps fingers, pops.]
- [Sighs.]
Come on.
- Why so gloomy, sweet perfumy? Hubby still a no-show? [Sighs.]
- Well? - Ah, geez, Dean.
- Your essay reads like a suicide note.
- Everything I wrote was true! Yeah, but you got to turn the gas down a notch, Sylvia Plath.
You're supposed to be selling yourself to these people.
- Well, h-how do I do that? - Like right here instead of "dragged all over kingdom come by my super-controlling father," you could write something like "experienced world traveler.
" And instead of "never let me go to a 'real school,'" just say you were homeschooled.
In an electronic learning bed that locked from the outside.
Better yet, a very exclusive progressive school, where you had a perfect attendance record.
- So, you want me to lie.
- Eh, it's called spin.
Do you trust me? I know what I'm talking about.
I work for the government.
W-Wait.
You said you'd help me study for the entrance exams.
- Uhhh right.
When are they? - Tomorrow morning? All right, so, nothing in the inventory under "silver goo" or "magic puddle.
" Well, did you try "robot water"? - Uh, nada.
- Okay, you geniuses can stop guessing now.
I've got the inventory number right here.
VT-005-BB.
All right.
Here we go.
Bingo.
Ven-Tech bio-bot series 5.
They're, uh, some kind of nanobots.
Aha! Technically, I guessed closest.
Monarch: Eh, I don't know what Wide Wale's problem is, but I'm glad you're not one of these stuck-up, New York supervillains.
This is so super-cool of you.
Oh, think nothing of it, doodlebug.
Sure you don't mind? It's, like, really expensive.
Mi closet es su closet, compadre.
Really should wear more suits.
You know what they say clothes make the man.
I don't know about that.
I mean, a guy like you I'll say it classically handsome.
Come on, now, buddy, not so bad yourself.
[Chuckles.]
Thanks.
But you [chuckles.]
you'd probably look good in anything.
See? You even make that look great! _ [Door opens, footsteps.]
Aw, what is this, now? Unh-unh, don't even try it, Monarch.
Just turn around, walk on out of here.
[Mid-tempo jazz music plays.]
[snapping fingers.]
Warning you, Monarch one more jazzy little step, and I'll you get some work done on your face? No, but you're about to.
[Popping.]
[Thudding, grunts.]
What is this? What, are you playing video games now? - I told you to find those things! - It's not a video game.
- We found a tutorial for the bio-bot.
- It's pretty amazing, Rus.
They're like a million tiny doctors who are always on call.
You just drive 'em anywhere you want in the body.
See? [Stomach gurgling.]
Brock: If two sides of a triangle [sighs.]
have lengths of 5 and 6, the perimeter of the triangle could be which of the following? "A," 11; "B," 24 [Stomach gurgling louder.]
[vomits.]
[Coughs, gags.]
It, uh it was "C," 15.
Do you need to take a break or something? And Boom! just like that, all secured.
- Huh.
Okay, that is pretty amazing.
- Yeah, but why stop there, huh? Why just cure people when you can improve them? Stimulate the muscles, give the adrenal glands a shot.
You can make a man virtually superhuman.
No, no, my stomach's pretty much better now.
Actually, I feel pretty - Both: Aah! - Yeah, but that starts to raise some ethical questions.
And what if this technology falls into the wrong hands, huh? With a touch of a button, you could, like, stop a guy's heart.
[Heart beating loudly, stops.]
Hoo! Yeah, but in the right hands could just start it right up again.
[Breathing heavily.]
Come on, Dean! Come on! [Electricity crackles.]
Aah!! Just think what these puppies could do with the human brain.
Just park them in the cerebral cortex, hook them up to the internet, and bam You're reading, like, "Gilgamesh" in the original Babylonian.
[Speaking foreign language.]
What the hell? Ah, too highbrow.
It's more fun to just make a guy totally crap himself, huh? Okay, tour's over, folks.
Now, can this tutorial of yours tutor you how to find the real bio-whats and call them back or something? Oh, yeah, well, sure.
It's no problem.
[Buzzer.]
Huh.
They're, uh they're not responding.
[Breathing fast and erratically.]
[Elevator bell dings.]
[Snaps fingers, whir.]
Dr.
Mrs.
The Monarch: I just think he feels threatened by my new position in the Guild, and it comes out in these passive-aggressive, little ways.
Like, tonight, I mean, it's almost midnight already, and where is he? - Holy mackerel.
Speak of the devil.
- What, you see him? I-Is he here? No, he's across the way, over in that there Venture pad.
Oh, that's impossible.
He knows he's not allowed to arch a Venture.
Don't know if I'd call that arching per se.
Classy bird, there, this Monarch.
Does he do this kind of thing a lot? More than I care to admit.
[Cellphone ringing and buzzing.]
[Beep.]
Did he just oh, no, you didn't.
You know, your husband's got a real talent - for ignoring Guild arch rights.
- To say nothing of basic hygiene.
I [sighs.]
I think I'm gonna call it a night.
[Gasping.]
Man: You guys, check the back bedrooms.
I'm gonna check the hall again.
[Breathing heavily, whimpers.]
- Red Mantle: Oh! Your tongue, dear.
- Redusa: Oh, yeah, make the earth move.
- Dragoon: Bring it to me! - Ow! What the heck?! [Shouting indistinctly.]
[Electricity crackles.]
Redusa don't do threesomes, you [bleep.]
perverts! [Wailing.]
Redusa, wait! Wait! I can put a bag over his head! You must understand! Please! - I got nothing.
Jiggle it.
- Stop talking to me like I'm an idiot.
- Billy, jiggle it.
- I'm jiggling the damn part.
[Cellphone ringing.]
What are you doing down there?! [Both arguing indistinctly.]
Doc! Call Dr.
Orpheus.
I'm pretty sure Dean is possessed! What? Poss grow up, Brock.
He's probably just nervous about his exams.
Yeah, well, nerves might explain him throwing up his dinner, but not throwing me across the room or how he could come back from the dead and start ranting in Babylonian! Wait.
Shh! What did you say? [Arguing stops.]
Are you sure it was Babylonian? I don't know.
It could have been Sumerian.
It's not really the takeaway here, Doc.
Call the exorcist! Uhp, dut, dut, dut, dut.
Just calm down, Brock.
I think I know what's possessing him.
[Siren wailing.]
[Groans, coughs.]
What the What? Eh? W-What? H-Honey! Wait! Hey, honey! Ugh, you would not believe what happened to me Don't! Just don't.
Ugh! I c I can't even look at you.
Don't be so dramatic.
So, I'm a little late.
Late? Yes, late.
You embarrass me in front of my co-workers, violated a Guild law yet again, and more importantly, you ignored my call! What?! Never! I-I lost my phone when [Cellphone ringing and buzzing.]
Mmm.
[Cellphone beep.]
What? Dude, Manolo got the Morpho-mobile started.
[Engine revving.]
Not now.
I'm having a discussion with my [Car door slams, tires squeal.]
Never mind.
Come get me.
[Beach music playing.]
[gasps.]
Professor! What did you do to me? I-I'm disappearing.
[Clatter.]
[Indistinct conversation.]
- You lost something, pizza boy? - Don't hit me! I was just leav - Oh.
Hi.
- You're that kid from the park.
- Hey.
Hank Vent - The one who was peeping in my window last week.
Okay, first up, I was not peeping.
I was trying to rescue you, didn't know you can breathe underwater.
Side note I'm super impressed.
[Knocking on door.]
Rocco: Miss Ong, you okay in there?! - Sirena! - Uh, that'd be me.
Hi.
I'm Sirena.
[Knocking on door.]
Hey, hey, Miss Ong! You all right? You know I am leaving.
Those lobster guys are after me 'cause our dads are enemies or something.
- They're supposed to be whale lice.
- [Knocking continues.]
All right, don't worry.
I know, t-that's so stupid.
Am I right? [Chuckles.]
Eh, I've run away from stupider.
[Shouting indistinctly.]
- Hey, what's the matter? - 3 2 You're not willing to risk your life to go on a date with me? I can't say I'm too impressed.
[Shouting indistinctly.]
[Knocking continues.]
- Hail Mary, full of grace - Okay, I'm gonna bust this door down! - You all right, Miss Ong?! You didn't answer.
- Yes, Rocco, I'm fine! - I was just getting some [bleep.]
air.
- All right, I'm sorry to disturb you.
I was very worried.
I was yelling and texting [Whirring.]
Sooo do we have a date? [Up-tempo music plays.]
Dean: Aaah!! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [Liquid pouring.]
Dr.
Venture: Don't fight it, boy.
Your body is simply trying to pass its residual nanobots through your urethra.
- Aah! - Perfectly natural.
- Ooh! - Oh, and, son [Singsong voice.]
that's not all you passed.
- [Gasps.]
Really? I got in?! - Mm-hmm.
All those years in the learning bed must have paid off.
Well, [winces.]
I also had a pretty great study buddy.
You sure did, son.
[Chuckles.]
Aaah [beep.]
Gentlemen, I think we just made our first miracle.
Whoo! High five! [Whirring.]
Chirp.
Ah, but I already have, Dr.
Venture.
And before I finish this precocious '47 Monfortino, my mecha-tarantula will finish a-you! Italian spider bot.
If it's engineered anything like your Fiats, we've naught to worry about.
[Tires screeching.]
Che cosa? [Tires screeching, men shouting.]
[guns firing.]
[Neck cracks.]
Aah!! [Screaming.]
Wow! That Chinaman's dynamite.
- We got to get us one of those.
- I don't think he's on our side.
[Bone crunches.]
Great work, Kato.
[Gun clicks.]
Come on out, Scaramantula.
- You're finished.
- Well, if it isn't the Blue Morpho.
If you think you can just waltz in here and muscle in on my racket, you've got another thing coming! [Gun hisses.]
Ooh-ah.
It's "another think coming.
" God! [Glass shatters.]
No need to be alarmed, Dr.
Venture.
I'll have you free in a jiff.
- You're in the hands of the Blue - Blue Morpho.
Yes, I've heard of you.
Nothing good, I'm afraid.
[Arm pops.]
Ow! Wait a minute.
I'm not ow! But after that, they become, like, friends and stuff.
He shows up again in issue 36 - when they team up to fight L.
Ron Hubbard.
- Yeah, super.
None of this explains what he was doing in my basement.
Dude, this was your parents' basement.
Don't you get it? Your dad was the Blue Morpho.
[Scoffs.]
Please.
My father was a boozed-up socialite who collected butterflies in his copious spare time.
- No way he could've been a su - Superhero? - Ow! - Don't you dare! Dude, millionaire playboy's, like, the number-one superhero alter ego.
Come on, butterflies? Think about it Blue Morpho.
- What the [bleep.]
is a Morpho?! - It's a kind of butterfly, dingus.
Uh I'm sorry.
It's just a lot to process, okay? I mean, my god "crime computer"? [Sighs.]
So corny.
- Well, at least he had a cool car.
- [Engine sputters.]
No duh.
Say, did Blue Morpho ever has his own comic book? Uh canceled after six issues.
Not Kirby's best work.
6x03 - "Faking Miracles" [Children shouting.]
Hank: Aw, come on, Brock.
Why not? Because it's like cheating, Hank.
But so is flying in an airplane or having a fake leg, - when you think about it.
Which I do.
- For the last time no! You cannot have anabolic steroids.
You want to get fit? This is how you do it.
[Gasping.]
Make it stop.
Please, make it stop.
One more lap, soon-to-be college boy.
A deal's a deal.
Hey, shoe's untied.
Made you look! Hank, that gag only works with Dean why are you wearing shoes?! Ah, let's get you some water.
[Babbling incoherently.]
Before you end up like that guy.
Hohhh.
[Music.]
[Babbling continues.]
[Panting.]
- Hank: Ow! - Aah! [Electricity crackles.]
Ow! Harpoon tase me, bro.
- Hey, hey, hey, are you okay, Miss Ong? - Yeah, quit being so handsy, Rocco.
Yo, Dante, lay off him.
He's just a kid.
- Hi.
- Aargh! Pirate Captain: Ah, once the consumer electronics took off, chairman kind of lost interest in all his super science tinkerin'.
He never used this here floor for nothing but storage.
I bet she'll make a fine lab bright and true.
It's perfect, Captain.
Yep, this is where were gonna make the miracles.
Eh, I was kind of hoping for an office with a view.
[Whirring.]
Oh, my god! This place is so cool! You could fit 50 quiz caves in here.
Hey, I got next.
- What is that thing? - Ah, that there is the Go-pod.
Car of the future kind of deal.
Zero emissions, titanium uni-body.
Electromagnets are what keep her afloat.
See? This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Let's toss this baby into production and call it a day.
Eh, well, don't punch the clock just yet there, Doc.
She's been know to cause sterility and heart murmurs in rhesus monkeys.
Wait, what? Aah! [crash.]
Also, she don't stop so good.
- Hey, Dr.
Billy! Cool car! - Dr.
Venture: Billy, come on.
We gonna make the miracles or what here? So, as regards to motion on the floor, all in favor Councilman 1? - Hello? Dr.
Mrs.
Whatever now? - Huh? Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Then it's settled.
We shall officially invite Professor Phineas Phage - to rejoin this esteemed council.
- [Refined southern accent.]
Well, that's one down.
[Gruff southern accent.]
Yeah, but five to go.
Four, if we ever find Vendata.
Has anyone heard from him? - Not since that date at Don Hell's.
- Well, we can't hold his seat forever.
Have we any other business? I, for one, would like to thank our newest member for hosting this meeting in his lovely home.
[Indistinct agreement.]
Please, it's me who should be thanking you all for accommodating a doting father on this, his daughter's special day.
Sirena: I said I am fine, Rocco! Marone! Quit following me around like a [bleep.]
puppy dog.
- You're embarrassing yourself.
- Spirited girl.
Excuse me for a moment.
Badhul, show our guests where they can change for the party.
- Talk to me.
- Eh, some kid in the park got a little too friendly with her, so we got a little unfriendly with him.
- Where are Dante and Turio? - They, uh they didn't make it.
Huh, that must have been some kid.
Monarch: All right, first thing's first.
We get car running, and we give it a fresh coat of Mighty Monarch maroon and marigold.
And whatever we do, we do not tell my wi [Cellphone beeping.]
_ _ [Cellphone rings and buzzes.]
Hi, honey.
No, I didn't hear them.
I was in the shower ing.
Oh, good.
You're getting ready.
For the party.
At Wide Wale's.
I told you last week.
You know, I didn't forget it.
I don't want to go to that.
- 'Cause I hate those people.
- Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Sweetie, those people are my coworkers.
And they're exactly the people you need to impress if you want to up your rank in the Guild.
Come ooon! Just make an appearance.
Turn on the old Monarch charm.
- [whispers.]
Monarch.
Monarch.
- What?! Dude, you got to go to that.
[Whining.]
I want to stay here and play with my new cave.
The list.
The guys arching Venture are probably gonna be there.
- We could do recon.
- Good point.
Hey, can 21 come, too? No henchmen.
What? Okay.
Okay.
Okaaay, I will.
I Sorry.
Okay, see ya soon, honey bunny.
[Cellphone beeps.]
She wants me to bring wine.
Ha! I should piss in it.
There's that Monarch charm.
All right.
How about this one Ven-Tech deep-earth mining mech [Charging, zap.]
- Oh! Hey! Watch it! - Sorry! Sorry.
- I didn't know it was on.
- [Scoffs.]
Mining mech, my ass.
Put that thing away and refile it under "murder bot.
" Next.
[Powering down.]
Why are we digging through J.
J.
's Project Morgue anyways? - What are you looking for? - Inspiration? A head start? I don't know.
I've been out of the game for a while.
I'm a little rusty.
Not as in Rusty Venture, I mean.
Yes, I know what you meant.
But we didn't come here to be a couple of patent clerks.
And don't say Einstein was a patent clerk I know.
I thought you hired us for our creative genius.
Billy! Check it out.
[Robotically.]
We are the robots.
[Sighs.]
Point taken.
Nice.
[glass shatters.]
That's coming out of your first paycheck, whatever it was.
White, get out of that thing and get me a dust pan.
Whoa! Geez! Ugh! [All shouting.]
- What the hell was that thing? - What does it want from us?! W-W-Where did it go? [Humming.]
[Schlorp!.]
Aah!! [Breathing heavily.]
Dean, come in, Dean.
You okay? Huh? Wha? - Hey.
- Brock? Y-You're in my mirror? Interactive smart surface something crap.
You feeling okay? - Brock, are Candiru native to New York? - Huh? What is that? One of the questions on that college test of yours? No.
I My [Sighs.]
Never mind.
Are you still gonna help me study - even though I couldn't do all the laps? - Yeah, sure.
Yay! Study buddies! [Indistinct conversation and mid-tempo piano jazz playing.]
Oh, this.
Lost it in the war.
Oh, I loathe mixing with civilians.
- They all look at me as if I have - What? Two heads? Go figure.
God, is that Redusa? Ooh, I haven't seen her in ages.
She has held up.
- Didn't you two have a thing? - It was more of a fling.
Insatiable, that one.
It got to be murder on my back.
Hot.
You should go talk to her.
I could be your winged man.
Get you another? What are you drinking there, star dust? 'Cause you are a radiant little thing.
Uhh thanks.
I'm doing okay.
Oh, you're way past okay, bright eyes.
That heavenly body could make the Moon jealous.
Mm.
Yes.
I'm just waiting for my husband.
Ooh, it ain't like that, Lady M.
This here's a business call.
Not that it ain't a pleasure.
Name's Copy Cat.
Maybe think of me next time your tribal council's having a pow-wow about new members.
I'm not sure we need someone who his superpower seems to be bad pickup lines.
Well, I'm a man of many talents, but my best one is being in the right place at the right time.
A talent I wish my husband shared about now.
If you'll excuse me, I think I need some fresh air.
You go on, now.
Give that old moon what for.
Wide Wale: Ah, ah, ah.
You're 18 today, princess, not 21.
Oh, excuse me.
Suddenly you're Mr.
Law and Order? What's eating you, tadpole? Ain't I made a nice party for you? I never asked for no fancy party with no foo-foo food.
I just want a normal life without them butter guards of yours watching me all the time.
Ah, come on, daddy knows what'll cheer you up.
Remember when you was little? There was one thing in the world that could always make you smile.
[Italian accent.]
Yes, sir.
One large pie, extra cheese, and little a-clams.
Hey, a-new kid! Got a delivery for you best a-customer! Don't screw up.
Yes, sir! Hank Venture is on the job! [Whistling, whirring.]
[Horns honking.]
Oh! [Crash.]
[Whistling.]
[Car alarm chirps.]
[Elevator dings.]
Hold it! Hold the elevator! [Glass shatters.]
Thanks, dick.
- May I help you? - I doubt it.
Yeah, Mighty Monarch.
My wife invited me.
Uh, just minute, sir.
You cannot go inside like Uh, excuse me.
Is this apartment fi What? - Badhul, is that the pizz'? - [Gasps.]
Oh-ooh.
Here, let me help you with that.
- I'm so sorry - Rocco, come here and pay the guy, will you? [Italian accent.]
Uh, the pizza, she is a-pipping - [Normal voice.]
Hot.
- Yeah, yeah, okay, guy.
What do we owe yoooou?! Son of a bitch! [gasps.]
You! You get over here, you piece of sh! [Indistinct conversation.]
Honey! Hey! Uh, sweetie! I'm here.
You mind telling me what the hell you think you're wearing? Wha my Mighty Monarch outfi Ow.
There are civilians here, my legitimate business associates.
- This is not a costume party, you little bug.
- Yeah? What about that guy? - Regrettably, this is my face, sir.
- And you bear it with dignity, old friend.
You be proud of that face.
But you! You get the hell out of my house before I throw you out.
Hey, no need for a scene, there Mr.
Clean.
My pad's right downstairs.
How about I swing Mr.
Monarch on down there and tune him up proper like with some appropriate attire.
[moaning.]
Whoa.
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, god.
How long has it been, Red? - I think she wants to go all the way.
Thanks for saving me back there, man.
The wife would kill me if I made a scene in front of her work friends.
Oh, [chuckles.]
hell hath no fury, eh, tomcat? [Snaps fingers, pops.]
- [Sighs.]
Come on.
- Why so gloomy, sweet perfumy? Hubby still a no-show? [Sighs.]
- Well? - Ah, geez, Dean.
- Your essay reads like a suicide note.
- Everything I wrote was true! Yeah, but you got to turn the gas down a notch, Sylvia Plath.
You're supposed to be selling yourself to these people.
- Well, h-how do I do that? - Like right here instead of "dragged all over kingdom come by my super-controlling father," you could write something like "experienced world traveler.
" And instead of "never let me go to a 'real school,'" just say you were homeschooled.
In an electronic learning bed that locked from the outside.
Better yet, a very exclusive progressive school, where you had a perfect attendance record.
- So, you want me to lie.
- Eh, it's called spin.
Do you trust me? I know what I'm talking about.
I work for the government.
W-Wait.
You said you'd help me study for the entrance exams.
- Uhhh right.
When are they? - Tomorrow morning? All right, so, nothing in the inventory under "silver goo" or "magic puddle.
" Well, did you try "robot water"? - Uh, nada.
- Okay, you geniuses can stop guessing now.
I've got the inventory number right here.
VT-005-BB.
All right.
Here we go.
Bingo.
Ven-Tech bio-bot series 5.
They're, uh, some kind of nanobots.
Aha! Technically, I guessed closest.
Monarch: Eh, I don't know what Wide Wale's problem is, but I'm glad you're not one of these stuck-up, New York supervillains.
This is so super-cool of you.
Oh, think nothing of it, doodlebug.
Sure you don't mind? It's, like, really expensive.
Mi closet es su closet, compadre.
Really should wear more suits.
You know what they say clothes make the man.
I don't know about that.
I mean, a guy like you I'll say it classically handsome.
Come on, now, buddy, not so bad yourself.
[Chuckles.]
Thanks.
But you [chuckles.]
you'd probably look good in anything.
See? You even make that look great! _ [Door opens, footsteps.]
Aw, what is this, now? Unh-unh, don't even try it, Monarch.
Just turn around, walk on out of here.
[Mid-tempo jazz music plays.]
[snapping fingers.]
Warning you, Monarch one more jazzy little step, and I'll you get some work done on your face? No, but you're about to.
[Popping.]
[Thudding, grunts.]
What is this? What, are you playing video games now? - I told you to find those things! - It's not a video game.
- We found a tutorial for the bio-bot.
- It's pretty amazing, Rus.
They're like a million tiny doctors who are always on call.
You just drive 'em anywhere you want in the body.
See? [Stomach gurgling.]
Brock: If two sides of a triangle [sighs.]
have lengths of 5 and 6, the perimeter of the triangle could be which of the following? "A," 11; "B," 24 [Stomach gurgling louder.]
[vomits.]
[Coughs, gags.]
It, uh it was "C," 15.
Do you need to take a break or something? And Boom! just like that, all secured.
- Huh.
Okay, that is pretty amazing.
- Yeah, but why stop there, huh? Why just cure people when you can improve them? Stimulate the muscles, give the adrenal glands a shot.
You can make a man virtually superhuman.
No, no, my stomach's pretty much better now.
Actually, I feel pretty - Both: Aah! - Yeah, but that starts to raise some ethical questions.
And what if this technology falls into the wrong hands, huh? With a touch of a button, you could, like, stop a guy's heart.
[Heart beating loudly, stops.]
Hoo! Yeah, but in the right hands could just start it right up again.
[Breathing heavily.]
Come on, Dean! Come on! [Electricity crackles.]
Aah!! Just think what these puppies could do with the human brain.
Just park them in the cerebral cortex, hook them up to the internet, and bam You're reading, like, "Gilgamesh" in the original Babylonian.
[Speaking foreign language.]
What the hell? Ah, too highbrow.
It's more fun to just make a guy totally crap himself, huh? Okay, tour's over, folks.
Now, can this tutorial of yours tutor you how to find the real bio-whats and call them back or something? Oh, yeah, well, sure.
It's no problem.
[Buzzer.]
Huh.
They're, uh they're not responding.
[Breathing fast and erratically.]
[Elevator bell dings.]
[Snaps fingers, whir.]
Dr.
Mrs.
The Monarch: I just think he feels threatened by my new position in the Guild, and it comes out in these passive-aggressive, little ways.
Like, tonight, I mean, it's almost midnight already, and where is he? - Holy mackerel.
Speak of the devil.
- What, you see him? I-Is he here? No, he's across the way, over in that there Venture pad.
Oh, that's impossible.
He knows he's not allowed to arch a Venture.
Don't know if I'd call that arching per se.
Classy bird, there, this Monarch.
Does he do this kind of thing a lot? More than I care to admit.
[Cellphone ringing and buzzing.]
[Beep.]
Did he just oh, no, you didn't.
You know, your husband's got a real talent - for ignoring Guild arch rights.
- To say nothing of basic hygiene.
I [sighs.]
I think I'm gonna call it a night.
[Gasping.]
Man: You guys, check the back bedrooms.
I'm gonna check the hall again.
[Breathing heavily, whimpers.]
- Red Mantle: Oh! Your tongue, dear.
- Redusa: Oh, yeah, make the earth move.
- Dragoon: Bring it to me! - Ow! What the heck?! [Shouting indistinctly.]
[Electricity crackles.]
Redusa don't do threesomes, you [bleep.]
perverts! [Wailing.]
Redusa, wait! Wait! I can put a bag over his head! You must understand! Please! - I got nothing.
Jiggle it.
- Stop talking to me like I'm an idiot.
- Billy, jiggle it.
- I'm jiggling the damn part.
[Cellphone ringing.]
What are you doing down there?! [Both arguing indistinctly.]
Doc! Call Dr.
Orpheus.
I'm pretty sure Dean is possessed! What? Poss grow up, Brock.
He's probably just nervous about his exams.
Yeah, well, nerves might explain him throwing up his dinner, but not throwing me across the room or how he could come back from the dead and start ranting in Babylonian! Wait.
Shh! What did you say? [Arguing stops.]
Are you sure it was Babylonian? I don't know.
It could have been Sumerian.
It's not really the takeaway here, Doc.
Call the exorcist! Uhp, dut, dut, dut, dut.
Just calm down, Brock.
I think I know what's possessing him.
[Siren wailing.]
[Groans, coughs.]
What the What? Eh? W-What? H-Honey! Wait! Hey, honey! Ugh, you would not believe what happened to me Don't! Just don't.
Ugh! I c I can't even look at you.
Don't be so dramatic.
So, I'm a little late.
Late? Yes, late.
You embarrass me in front of my co-workers, violated a Guild law yet again, and more importantly, you ignored my call! What?! Never! I-I lost my phone when [Cellphone ringing and buzzing.]
Mmm.
[Cellphone beep.]
What? Dude, Manolo got the Morpho-mobile started.
[Engine revving.]
Not now.
I'm having a discussion with my [Car door slams, tires squeal.]
Never mind.
Come get me.
[Beach music playing.]
[gasps.]
Professor! What did you do to me? I-I'm disappearing.
[Clatter.]
[Indistinct conversation.]
- You lost something, pizza boy? - Don't hit me! I was just leav - Oh.
Hi.
- You're that kid from the park.
- Hey.
Hank Vent - The one who was peeping in my window last week.
Okay, first up, I was not peeping.
I was trying to rescue you, didn't know you can breathe underwater.
Side note I'm super impressed.
[Knocking on door.]
Rocco: Miss Ong, you okay in there?! - Sirena! - Uh, that'd be me.
Hi.
I'm Sirena.
[Knocking on door.]
Hey, hey, Miss Ong! You all right? You know I am leaving.
Those lobster guys are after me 'cause our dads are enemies or something.
- They're supposed to be whale lice.
- [Knocking continues.]
All right, don't worry.
I know, t-that's so stupid.
Am I right? [Chuckles.]
Eh, I've run away from stupider.
[Shouting indistinctly.]
- Hey, what's the matter? - 3 2 You're not willing to risk your life to go on a date with me? I can't say I'm too impressed.
[Shouting indistinctly.]
[Knocking continues.]
- Hail Mary, full of grace - Okay, I'm gonna bust this door down! - You all right, Miss Ong?! You didn't answer.
- Yes, Rocco, I'm fine! - I was just getting some [bleep.]
air.
- All right, I'm sorry to disturb you.
I was very worried.
I was yelling and texting [Whirring.]
Sooo do we have a date? [Up-tempo music plays.]
Dean: Aaah!! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [Liquid pouring.]
Dr.
Venture: Don't fight it, boy.
Your body is simply trying to pass its residual nanobots through your urethra.
- Aah! - Perfectly natural.
- Ooh! - Oh, and, son [Singsong voice.]
that's not all you passed.
- [Gasps.]
Really? I got in?! - Mm-hmm.
All those years in the learning bed must have paid off.
Well, [winces.]
I also had a pretty great study buddy.
You sure did, son.
[Chuckles.]
Aaah [beep.]
Gentlemen, I think we just made our first miracle.
Whoo! High five! [Whirring.]
Chirp.