Comic Book Men s06e04 Episode Script

KITT and Caboodle

1 [upbeat rock music.]
Is there one masterpiece that everybody considers untouchable but you guys hate? "Titanic.
" - The James Cameron movie? - Yup.
Hate that movie.
That plank that she saves herself on, it could fit two people.
And so he's like, "See you later," and he dies.
Was that the line, "See you later"? - [laughter.]
- That wasn't very romantic.
It's one of the most famous movie lines of all time.
As he's getting sucked down into the vortex.
- See you later! - See you later! - [laughter.]
- Yeah.
First of all, the line is, "I'll never let go.
" And he did.
He let go! It's not so it's not, "See you later.
" It's not, "See you later.
" And obviously this is not one of these classics that you hate.
I'm go with the "Lethal Weapon.
" - What? - Wasn't really a big fan of it.
You know, uh, "I'm crazy.
I'm I'm crazy.
" Uh, you know, Riggs and Murtaugh.
Again again, just like "See you later" wasn't Uh, I don't remember Riggs ever going, "I'm crazy.
I'm crazy.
" - [laughter.]
- All right, smart guy.
- You got one? - I'm gonna go one that there's not even a question it's a classic.
- Okay.
- "Gone with the Wind.
" Come on.
Well, not that I disagree with you.
- But why? - It's boring.
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
It set No, an action, and an adventure.
There was a love story.
Frankly, Ming, we don't give a damn.
See you later! [laughter.]
[heroic music.]
[laughs.]
Hello, and welcome to another episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show that tells people it's big like Giant-Man but is really is hung like Ant-Man.
- I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
- Right on.
Any tales to tell this week, sir? A guy brought in a piece of pop culture vehicle history.
[upbeat music.]
Hey, guys.
How's it goin'? How you doin'? So who here remembers "Knight Rider"? I'm a huge "Knight Rider" fan.
Well, I've got a couple things I want to show you.
- - [rock music.]
I got, uh, of course, you know, the K.
I.
T.
T.
talking car.
Doors open up.
Push that little gas tank button right there.
- Right here.
- Just hit it? Yeah, yeah.
[whooshing.]
All systems functioning.
How cool is that, right? Got my little bucking bronco belt buckle there.
You remember that? So this is the the Michael Knight belt buckle.
- Of course.
- Worn by David Hasselhoff.
- Yeah.
- Why a cowboy belt? It was just cool.
That's what he used to do.
Don't you remember cowboys being all the rage in '82? [laughter.]
His signature piece of wardrobe was, uh was a black leather jacket.
Speaking of which, this is the replica jacket.
- [laughter.]
- You want to try this puppy on? Yeah.
This is something that I'm also looking to, uh, off-load here.
But Look at how happy he is.
- [laughs.]
- Yeah.
I got to tell you, it, uh it brings me back to '82.
I had a beanbag chair in my basement, and it looks like you're wearin' it.
[laughter.]
I got to be honest, not a big fan of the show.
It never connected with me.
Oh, hold on.
Hold on.
This was a car with a personality, with gadgets.
Like, it could do anything.
- Remember it had the turbo boost? - Yeah, yeah.
To let it jump over stuff.
It had the blood analyzers.
It could scan things.
- Blood analyzer? - Yeah, you know.
Chemical analyzer; he had the oil slick in the back.
Even the tagline remember the tagline for the show? They opened every show with, "A shadowy flight" both: "Into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.
" [laughter.]
That was awesome.
It was so great.
Does Michael Knight and K.
I.
T.
T.
count as superheroes? Yes, because they battled evil and K.
I.
T.
T.
had an evil counterpart.
- Wait, Goliath? - That was one of them.
That was a big semi truck.
But he had a evil doppelganger counterpart called K.
A.
R.
R.
, K-A - [laughter.]
- No, really? K.
A.
R.
R.
was spelled K-A-R-R.
Whose voice was in it? - Satan's, I think.
- [laughter.]
Like, instead, program it with Darth Vader's voice.
- Oh! - Could you imagine how much better "Knight Rider" would have been if the car talked like Darth Vader and had the hissing? And you're like, "How they getting away with this?" [laughter.]
So are you here to sell these items today? Well, you know, I want to see if I can off-load them on you guys.
Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass.
I really don't have much of an interest in this stuff.
But, I mean, it sounds like you do.
All right, I mean, I-I-I am a I am a huge "Knight Rider" fan.
These these are amazing items, especially this.
But what I've always really wanted was the real K.
I.
T.
T.
The real K.
I.
T.
T.
car.
Well, you know what? If you're not interested in this stuff, I might have something outside that you would be interested in.
If it's as cool as this, I'd love to take a look at it.
It is 20 times as cool, and they may even like it too.
- All right, let's check it out.
- Let's go.
- Lead the way.
- Yeah.
There it is, fellas.
Check it out.
This is awesome.
- Got my comics in my hand.
- Okay, so So he's coming at me, I guess, and Okay, so I want that comic.
Oh, my God! [rock music.]
There it is, fellas.
Check it out.
My replica Knight Industries Two Thousand.
This is awesome.
Where did you get this? This is something I built myself.
All the things that you'd remember from "Knight Rider" are sitting in this car right here.
That's pretty dope, man.
Like, K.
I.
T.
T.
instantly entered the pantheon of famous cars like, you Batman's got his Batmobile.
Black Beauty belongs to Green Hornet and Kato.
But the car was the star of the show.
Right? - Oh, yeah.
- Like, a talking car, that was the gimmick.
But they definitely had a bond where you know, where Michael Knight knew he could depend on K.
I.
T.
T.
to to save his ass on a weekly basis, um, and Did it have feelings, technically? I-I think, at times, uh, you know, Michael Knight David Hasselhoff would insult it.
And the car would be like, "I don't like that, Michael.
" - Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
- Really? If you insulted the car too much, they might drive you to a really dangerous neighborhood and be like, "What now? What now?" [laughter.]
All right, Ming, you ready for this? - Yeah.
- All right, here you go, buddy.
- [whooshing.]
- Got the scanner right there.
It's just like it's from the show.
- Yes, yes.
- That is pretty cool.
- Not bad, right? - It's so awesome, man.
What else does this thing do? Well, take a look over here.
- Okay.
- Loop around, guys.
- Check out what he's about to do.
- Okay.
Say the words "K.
I.
T.
T.
, activate" pretty close to the window.
- K.
I.
T.
T, acti Okay.
- Go for it.
K.
I.
T.
T.
, activate.
- [laughter.]
- Wow.
[beeps.]
It even talks? Hey, K.
I.
T.
T.
, can you hear me? Michael, is that you? - [laughs.]
- Recognize the voice, right? Yeah, it is, buddy.
I think they would love to hear a clip of your theme song.
You mind playing it for 'em? ["Knight Rider" theme music playing.]
[laughter.]
How's that? Come on.
- That's awesome.
- All right.
- Come on, that's awesome.
- Fair enough.
Tell me that doesn't win you over a little bit.
It it definitely, definitely won me over.
That is a cool car.
I-I gotta ask, how much? How much for the car? Uh, say $50,000? $50,000.
Which, honestly, for a "Knight Rider" enthusiast, that's not a bad deal when you think about what you'd be sitting in every day.
A little too rich for my blood.
So I-I'm gonna have to pass on that.
But can I at least get a ride in it? I'd be happy to take you for a ride.
[speaking indistinctly.]
Be the the two coolest guys in town.
- That'd be awesome.
- Sure, you will.
- [laughter.]
- Well, I'll see you guys later.
- I'll be - Yeah, I'll punch you out.
'Cause I'm not paying you to take a joyride around town.
- [laughter.]
- Oh, [raspberries.]
.
- Doesn't matter.
I'll be back.
- [car doors slam.]
Remember how to start this? Uh, A, D, B, C? You got it.
And which button up there? - This one? - Yup.
- [engine turning over.]
- Good.
[whirring.]
[laughs.]
Let's roll, buddy? Let's roll, buddy.
See you later! Whoo! [laughing.]
Yeah! There are no free rides, Ming! Whoo! [rock music.]
Hey, how you doin'? - Hey, guys.
How's it goin'? - Hey.
I think I got something you might be interested in.
- [laughter.]
- It's my collection - of "Deadly Hands of Kung Fu.
" - Oh, wow.
- - [upbeat music.]
- Remember these? - Oh, yeah.
Me and Mike remember these with fondness.
In 1974, America fell in love with kung fu toys, comics.
Everybody was kung fu fighting, even children's cartoons - Hong Kong Phooey, kung fu master.
- [laughter.]
Number one super guy.
It invaded every form of entertainment.
"In vogue" would be too light to say.
"Fever pitch" would be more accurate, I think.
I was definitely right front and center, you know, during the kung fu craze.
I think it was the fact that martial artists looked not very physically imposing.
Right.
And yet they would take down the biggest, baddest dudes so elegantly.
How how weird.
I never thought about that.
You're like, "Wow, he looks like me.
I could fight people too.
" That wasn't my experience.
[laughter.]
Right off the bat, he's got number 1.
- Neal Adams cover.
- That's great.
You know who that guy is, right? Yeah, that's Shang-Chi, the master of kung fu.
The greatest martial artist in the Marvel Universe.
- Oh, yeah.
- None higher.
Not even Bruce Lee, who's on the cover of this one, right? Again, another, like, amazing Neal Adams cover right there.
Captured the likeness exactly.
Oh! Oh, do you know who that is? [chuckles.]
The stretch action jeans, man.
- Chuck Norris.
- Yeah.
So where'd you get all these? Uh, about a year ago, I started working, um, at a comic book store.
My boss, he takes, uh, karate.
I take tae kwon do.
You you you're into the kung fu too? Yeah, it's been a huge part of my life.
He showed me these, and I just started reading them and just became enlivened again with, uh, the kung fu spirit.
Do you think you could show us some karate moves? Like, let's say, for instance, you're walking home.
It's late at night.
You're going down a dark alley.
And this guy comes up on you, tries to accost you.
Yeah, I mean, if I've got - I've got my comics in my hand.
- Okay, so So he's coming at me, I guess, and Okay, so I want that comic.
- Oh! - Like that right in the face.
- And I just - [laughter.]
- I would just - Oh, my God! I want to try to keep at a distance.
I felt I-I felt that.
I think he just gave you a shave.
And I almost got kicked in the face.
[laughter.]
I felt the wind from his foot.
It was, what, millimeters from my face? Breaking wind right in front of your face? [laughter.]
[in slow motion.]
Oh! At the risk of taking a foot to the face [laughs.]
I'm probably only interested in issue 1.
It's it's the one that You know, everybody wants number 1s.
Sure.
Would you be interested in selling just number 1? - Um, absolutely.
- What would what would you need for issue 1? Could you do could you do $30? Um while it is in it's it's in nice shape, it's not mint, and it probably retails in the $30 to $35 range in this condition, um so that's what I'm gonna be selling it for.
Is it possible you would be able to take $15 for it? [sniffs.]
Uh I understand.
Uh, do you think you could maybe do $25? [quirky music.]
I could do $25.
- Do $25? - Done.
All right.
Thanks a lot.
[upbeat music.]
There you go.
- Thanks, guys.
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Have a great day.
Have a good day, guys.
Thanks.
[slow rock music.]
Sorry it took me so long.
- You found one.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, it's here.
- Huh? I feel like, uh, a light from, like, above should be shining down on this Best use of kung fu in a modern-day movie.
I'm gonna go with "The Matrix.
" Think about it.
They made it amazing part of that movie.
A movie that had lots of weaponry and stuff, at its core, an amazing kung fu array.
What about you guys? I'm going with "Road House.
" Patrick Swayze, that one fight.
- And he takes out his throat.
- That's right.
- Come on, man.
- Come on, it's true.
He does the throat grab, for heaven's sakes.
- That was awesome.
- "Rumble in the Bronx.
" They actually took an older, uh, Asian movie, they redubbed it and launched it for American audiences.
It changed the business.
Like, suddenly Jackie Chan was an international movie star in America, and then, bam, that led to "Rush Hour" and all those other flicks.
It's a seminal film.
What about you? I don't know if it's modern, though, uh, "Lethal Weapon.
" I thought when, uh [laughter.]
Not not modern? Was that I mean, I don't know if it's modern, but wasn't he using just more the Three Stooges more than kung fu? He's like, "Whoo-whoo-whoo- whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.
" [laughter.]
[dramatic music.]
[rock music.]
- Hi.
- Hi, how are you? Good.
I was wondering if you guys had any vintage, uh, Green Arrow Mego figures in the store.
- Ooh, an original Green Arrow? - Yeah.
Those are really difficult to find.
I mean, super, super hard.
- - [upbeat music.]
I've been looking all over the place, and I just cannot get my hands on one, and I'm dying to.
I figured if anyone could find him, it would be you guys.
No, I'm sorry, we're we don't have one.
Why Green Arrow, though? Green Arrow's a character that means a lot to me.
It's really what got me into comics.
A lot of people I mean, for a guy with no superpowers, the Green Arrow is def It's the beard, I'm telling you.
That's what brings it home.
It's the beard.
Ladies love the beards.
Is that true? Uh, not in my experience.
[laughter.]
Green Arrow definitely had that flare.
It wasn't just the goatee.
It was He worked it.
There was a little mustache wax involved there.
He was all about the ladies, though.
That's Green Arrow was a ladies' man, so - Quite the dog, right? - Yeah.
Well, I mean, his one true love, of course, Dinah Lance, Black Canary, but he did remember he cheated on her in "The Longbow Hunters" - Yeah.
- With Shado? - Shado.
- Oh, man.
He's A-are are you guys talking about comics or soap operas? - This is - [laughter.]
He's always sticking his arrows in other quivers.
[laughter.]
So you guys think you could help me out at all - with the Green Arrow? - I-I I know someone who might have one.
- Robert? - Rob.
Maybe, you know, this guy that we know, he's, uh He kind of acquires things, and he's got a line on seemingly anything.
You know, I can give him a call.
- It's worth a shot, right? - All right.
His facial hair isn't great, but his regular hair is amazing.
- [laughter.]
- You'll see.
You'll see.
Just because the Stash may not be in stock of a certain item someone's looking for doesn't mean, you know, that we won't go that extra mile.
Rob Bruce.
Man, if you're looking for something like a Green Arrow Mego doll, that's the guy you turn to.
He could probably get you a quick line to it.
Was he successful? - Hey, Walt.
- Hey.
Sorry it took me so long.
- You found one.
- Yeah.
Had to run down to Wall to get it, but Thank you.
Uh he's here; this is the guy.
- Oh, hey! - Hey.
How you? Awesome.
Oh, my God, it's here.
- Huh? - Yeah.
Really hard to find with the original, uh, accessories.
He's so beautiful.
Can I see it out of the box, actually? - Sure thing.
- So I can Absolutely.
Just lay my eyes on this gorgeousness? Oh, my God, it's so beautiful.
You want to hold it? You got to hold it.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Of course I want to hold it.
- It's like driving a car.
- It looks really nice.
I feel like, uh, a light from, like, above should be shining down on this - Oh.
- This very special moment.
So I get to do something that I ra very rarely get to do: watch a negotiation.
And it's not an inexpensive figure.
Uh, I'm asking $200 for it in the box.
See, the thing about Megos is, they're very desirable.
With just the retro, vintage everything coming up the the world, they've gotten more expensive.
I was hoping maybe, like, the $100 area.
Um, I could possibly come down to, uh, $175.
Well, Robert, I mean, you got to take into consideration, you know, the lid's off the box.
- True.
- I love this.
You never get to see anyone negotiate.
I never get to see anyone play devil's advocate.
- [laughter.]
- Oh, my gosh.
So, um, maybe $125? I my my bottom line on this would be $140.
I mean, I know the box has wear on it, but you never find them with a box.
[dramatic music.]
You know what? I've been looking for him for a real long time.
I could do $140.
Okay.
- Wonderful.
- Do it.
Cha-ching, right? - Cha-ching.
- Exactly.
There you go.
- Hey, Robert.
- Yes, sir.
We appreciate you coming through like that, man.
- Appreciate you having me down.
- Definitely.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
The search is over.
I have something I think that you'd be interested in here.
Whoo, maybe the most unusual piece of television merchandise I've ever seen.
[funky music.]
What do you guys think is the best representation of Satan in pop culture history? For me, the lord of darkness is Al Pacino in "Devil's Advocate.
" You got one, Ming? Um, he was, uh, that little nickel machine in "The Twilight Zone" TV show.
Did you ever see that episode? Yeah, the the "Nick of Time.
" It was just a like, a little head on a spring.
- Wasn't it? - Yeah.
It was scary, though.
The devil was in there.
- Well - [laughter.]
What about Regan in "The Exorcist" spinning her head around? - That was the devil? - Not on a little spring.
It actually spun on the top of her shoulders.
- Okay, that - Making the crucifix disappear.
[laughter.]
My head's all turned around now.
Looks like it's on a spring.
[laughter.]
[upbeat music.]
- Hey, what's up, gentlemen? - How are you? I have something I think that you'd be interested in here.
This is Archie Bunker's grandson doll, - Joey Stivic, by Ideal, 1976.
- Oh, God.
Oh.
Can I hold it? Check it out.
Whoo, maybe the most unusual piece of television merchandise I've ever seen.
- - [rock music.]
Right on the package there, it says, uh, "This drink and wet doll is a physically correct male doll.
" - Anatomically correct.
- [laughter.]
Can I take it out of the box? Absolutely.
Help yourself.
I mean, I wanted one.
I put it on my Christmas list.
I did not actually get one.
It was, like, an unfilled desire of mine to acquire.
- Look at this, Mike.
- I know.
It hasn't even been touched.
[laughs.]
Does that make you uncomfortable? It's just so out there.
[laughter.]
I hate to admit this, but I have a Joey doll.
- What? - Really? - And it's not the weirdest toy I own.
- From childhood? No, no.
- I bought it later on, but - Why? Why are you just telling us now? - Yeah.
- Um it's never come up in conversation.
Guess who has an anatomically correct baby doll? [laughter.]
- What? - I do.
I actually own one.
Own, meaning, like, you bought it later in life, or I bought it later in life because it's just such a weird toy.
It is.
This was the first doll with a dick.
[laughter.]
There was no Internet, but this broke the Internet in the early '70s.
[laughter.]
Why is it okay for dolls to be anatomically correct but not, like, let's say, - action figures - Ming.
[laughter.]
But action figures aren't, though? Like, G.
I.
Joes weren't.
Not a clue.
'Cause it's innocent.
I mean, a a little girl's play with a Ken doll with a schlong hanging down? - [laughter.]
- That's weird.
[laughs.]
What year was Joey born? - '76, '76.
- '76.
I don't even know how to describe it to somebody who wasn't there, but it was a big deal.
Like, this would have been like the Super Bowl, right? Normally when he tries to use a sports analogy, - he's totally wrong - Yes.
But this time, he's right.
This was the Super Bowl of television.
- So you're - Even the Super Bowl wasn't the Super Bowl of television that year.
- [laughter.]
- It was him.
I would say, for some families, the birth of baby Joey was more important than the birth of some cousins, you know what I'm saying? [laughter.]
You know, when they're like, "Who? Whatever.
" Um, would you place it somewhere in between the, uh, shooting of J.
R.
and "M.
A.
S.
H.
" finale? Where would you put it in that Oh, who shot J.
R.
and the "M.
A.
S.
H.
" season finale.
Right now, every kid watching the show, if there's any, are like, "What are those?" [laughter.]
"Are those made-up shows?" [laughter.]
Why you selling it? I was at a toy auction, and there sat three of these Joey Stivic dolls.
Three.
You know, this voice in my head just said, "Get me out of here, Meathead," so I grabbed all three and Did you sell the other one to Mike? Is that who you made the sale to? Yeah, is that where you got it from? I'm interested, you know, but only 'cause of the the oddity factor of it all.
It would be nice to have on the shelf, right? All right.
What do you need to get for it today? Well, I was hoping $125.
It has everything.
It's complete.
$125.
How about $80? Would you do $80? Um, $80? - Sounds good.
- We'll take it.
- Congratulations.
- All right.
- Thank you, man.
- Thank you.
[upbeat music.]
- Thank you.
- Thanks, guys.
- Take care, guys.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
Changin' lives, right? And diapers.
[laughter.]
Damn it, we're out of time.
We got to go.
For "Comic Book Men," I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Remember, kids, no matter where you go, there you are.
Good night.

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