Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s06e04 Episode Script
The Dating Game
Ah! Is it possible these days to get a sandwich that doesn't have goat cheese in it? What's wrong with goat cheese? It's tangy, exotic, sexy.
I'm sorry.
It's not you it's me.
I think you're boring.
- I am not boring! - What'd you do this weekend? Never mind.
You were looking at restaurant menus online again, weren't you? I am very indecisive at restaurants.
You know that.
If I don't research menus ahead of time, I freeze up when it's time to order.
And then when the waiter walks away because I need more time to order, I- I die a little inside.
I've got to find you a date! I can't stand the thought of you alone.
But it's just- It's so soon! It's been 6 months since the divorce and 2 years since Yasir moved! Trust me, I know a thing or two about dating.
I have been married 4 times.
[ .]
Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E04 The Dating Game Now why would you nominate us for a multi-faith award without even mentioning it first? I did.
I sat right here and I said, "I'm submitting us for the Multi-Faith Spirit Award.
" Oh, see, I heard "multiuse table saw.
" When did you do this? And by "when" I mean, What were you thinking? Look, Mercy is a unique place.
We're pioneers of multi-faith and we can inspire others to be the same.
For your "belief that no religion is superior to the others"? [ both snickering .]
[ clearing his throat .]
I understand the words, but this sentence makes no sense! Who in their right mind thinks that every religion is equal? - Me.
- Yes, but you're not normal.
I mean, look at you two.
Look how well you guys get along.
No, we do not get along well.
We disagree well.
Yes.
The only thing we agree on is that one of us is wrong.
Guys, we are one of the 3 finalists! Someone from Toronto is flying in to evaluate us today! - You're suggesting that we lie? - Sin.
No, I'm suggesting you participate in the evaluation.
Boring.
Look, I'm meeting the guy at Fatima's at 6 o'clock, and all I'm saying is if you guys came there, you would see how multi-faith you really are! We are all people of the Book, and our differences are tiny, by comparison.
- My God, he's naïve! - Like a brown Jonas Brother.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Well, I think it's great that you're moving on with your life.
Really? I was so nervous to tell you! No! If you're ready, I'm ready.
The most important thing is that you're happy.
Right? Yeah.
- So when's your first date? - Tonight.
Oh! You don't waste any time.
You've obviously never seen her order off the menu.
- So get a website already.
- What?! Nothing.
Speaking of which, where did you meet this guy? I haven't.
Ann set it up.
Are you sure that's a good idea? The last time you guys went out, you got in a bar fight.
- No, this is different.
Very different.
- All right.
Just don't call me when you wake up in a tub full of ice with your kidney missing.
No, I'm serious.
Don't call me call 911.
I'll meet you at the hospital.
I still cannot believe that he would nominate us for an award that flies in the face of everything we don't believe in! Yeah! Crazy multi-faith and its "everybody's right and everybody's equal!" "And everybody goes to heaven" and $10,000 in prize money and Yeah! And the- Wait, what? Hey, Fatima! What are the specials? - Goat.
- And? I do not understand the question.
- We always have the same special.
- That's what makes it special.
Actually, specials are supposed to change daily, like your clothes or your girlfriend's last known address.
What do you know about running a restaurant? Are you kidding? I grew up in them.
My grandfather owned two Jewish delis and an Italian deli.
Was he Italian or Jewish? Jewish, but he hated wasting leftovers and Italians will eat anything.
So, what would you do with my goat curry? I don't know.
Uh, reinvent it.
[ short laugh .]
I will give you a chance.
- Okay! - Let's get started.
- Stop fidgeting! - I can't help it.
I'm nervous.
Relax.
It's a date, not a Breathalyzer.
Just don't mention the Muslim thing and you'll be fine.
Why? Because no one in their right mind would date a Muslim? No.
Yes.
I haven't been on a date in over 30 years, you know! That is so sad.
Sorry, what I meant was pathetic.
- You're not helping.
- What you need is a practice date.
I'm meeting Steve in an hour.
Where do you suppose Hey! Name's Andy.
I'm a Scorpion but my zodiac says Libra.
- This is ridiculous.
- The only ridiculous thing I see is how perfect you look in that dress.
Oh, please! This old thing? Old is a dirty word.
I prefer to think of it as classic timeless.
- Oh my! - Oh my indeed! So, what do you do for a living, Andy? - Please, call me Ann.
- All right.
- Wait, what? - What do you do for fun, Sarah? - No, this isn't working.
- I have a tingling that says otherwise.
I'm gonna get going.
Call me! [ door opening .]
She'll be back.
Are you sure you're not hungry, Harry? Because I know those flights from Toronto can be a real doozy.
No, I'm fine.
Thank you.
Coffee? Dessert? Anything? I just wouldn't want this trip not to be worth your while.
Now what would make you say something like that? Poor hospitality, grumpy townsfolk, AWOL clerics.
I don't know, Harry.
I just think maybe we're not as multi-faith as I thought.
Ah, I think what Amaar is trying to say is that he's sorry we're not more multi-faith, right? We only wish that there were more religions in Mercy.
Yes.
You know, Judaism, Buddhism, Shinto, Oprah they're all equal to me! [ laughter .]
That's a good one.
Let me introduce my co-applicants, Baber Siddiqui, the imam of the mosque, - And Reverend William Thorne.
- Ah, yes.
Thorne is such a good Anglican.
We could not have a better Anglican in our happy and tolerant little town.
You guys are laying it on a bit thick, aren't you? Well, awards don't win themselves.
Amaar.
Steve? - Sarah? - Steve? Ann told me you were a looker, but, uh, wow.
[ chuckling .]
Oh! Have you been waiting long? - No, no.
Just- just an hour.
- Oh! An hour? Oh, my goodness.
Am I late? No, no.
You're on time.
I came early just in case you got here before I did and decided to leave.
Oh, that is so sweet! [ short laugh .]
Oh, uh No, no, no.
I got this.
Allow me.
We love you.
[ short laugh .]
Your line about having more religions in mercy is just - Brilliant! - Thank you.
I cannot believe I kept a straight face! I almost lost it! [ Reverend laughing .]
I think I'll use my share of the money reupholstering the prayer kneelers.
I'm so tired of looking at those agonized faces! I know exactly what you mean.
I'll use my money to raise the height of the prayer barrier.
Nice! Yeah, and to think we almost let 10 grand slip through our fingers! Here, keep the change.
Everything on here looks so good.
Oh, this is one of my favourite menus to download.
To what? Nothing.
I was just making a joke.
Oh.
Yeah.
[ chuckling .]
That's good.
[ laughing .]
You're hilarious! Ha! Thank you.
No one's ever actually said that to me before.
Because no one has ever fully appreciated you before, and I really I really appreciate you, Sarah.
Oh! We haven't even ordered our appetizers yet! [ laughing .]
Just stop it! You're killing me! You're killing me! [ Steve laughing .]
We we haven't [ laughing .]
[ still laughing .]
Well, Harry, I thought we'd take a tour of the town And see some of Mercy'y's religions tolerance in action.
Sounds great.
You weren't going to start the tour without us, were you? That's not very inclusive, Amaar.
Well, I didn't realize you wanted to part of the tour.
Of course! But- but We also want the tour to- to be a part of us.
Oh, here's an idea.
Why don't we give Harry a tour of the "murch"? That's, uh, "mosque" and "church" together.
Sure, great idea.
Let's go.
Uh, actually, if it's all the same to you, Amaar, uh, I wouldn't mind a little time alone with your co-applicants.
Oh! Yeah, that's great! Yeah, you can join us later for tea.
- Maybe bring some sweets.
- Okay.
Any preferences? Oh, just bring one of everything, the way God intended! - Write that down.
- Very interesting.
Don't worry.
We got this.
Best meal I ever had was in Roma.
Ah! I've never been.
What?! [ dropping his utensils .]
We have to go! - To Rome? Yeah.
- Yeah.
What? Wh- What are you doing? - Looking up flight information.
- To go to Rome? - You want to go somewhere else? - No! - Magnifico! - Wait! Wait! It's a little soon, don't you think? I mean, we only just met.
- I, uh - Eh, eh, eh You know, I'm Muslim.
- Oh.
- Yeah! Uh, see, Ann never told me about that.
Oh, I'm not surprised.
- It scares a lot of guys off.
- Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
She was probably just waiting to give you a chance to get to know me before the whole Muslim thing reared its ugly head, but know that you know Yeah.
No, Rome is definitely- it is not happening.
No, I figured.
We should probably go to Mecca instead.
Okay, give me an example of how you two live by the principles of multi-faith.
Oh, well, uh, pff! So many examples! Well, do you think we have time to show Harry the uh, that thing? Uh, the Bible- Quran combo? Oh! We have plenty of time! [ laughing .]
Multi-time, if you will.
[ laughing .]
- Multi-time.
That's good.
- Yes, yes.
The book idea is actually very interesting.
Perhaps you could tell me something about it.
Oh, you know, it's just one of the many, uh, multi-faith side projects we've got going.
In the very early days, we were thinking of calling it the, uh, the Biblerun.
- Or the Quranble.
- Well, it's a working title.
I find it interesting that the mosque is inside the church and not the other way around.
Uh, simply because the church came first.
- You mean built first.
- Yes.
Yes, but also historically speaking, the church was first.
Saying the church came first seems to indicate a kind of hierarchy, no? The church coming first allowed us to learn from its many mistakes, of which there were very many.
Well, you know, I wouldn't call them mistakes.
Uh, colossal failures then? Why don't we just let he is without sin start the first jihad.
Or burn the first witch.
Yes, this coming from a man who wanted to use barbed wire as a prayer barrier! That is only because I could not afford electrical fencing! - Extremist! Rug rider! - Infidel! Bible thum per.
- Uh-oh.
- Uh You know what? I- I want to cut to the chase.
- Uh - Oh, wow! [ both chuckling .]
I want to ask you out again.
But there's something I, uh, I need to tell you.
- Uh-huh.
- And It's not easy for me.
[ chuckling .]
- Uh, don't be nervous.
- Really? No, I'm sure whatever it is, we can deal with it.
Okay.
Unless, of course, we can't, and we have to end this before it ever really even started, which is highly likely.
- I have two daughters.
- And? And they're God, they're dying to meet you! Well - Girls, come here.
- What?! [ Steve chuckling .]
Surprise! Thanis, Janis, this is Sarah.
Oh, big family picture! Come on.
Family picture.
Okay.
Closer.
Together.
Together.
Here we go.
Big smiles.
Oh! My girls.
Ann: You're going out again? That's wonderful.
He invited me out in front of his daughters! I had no choice! - I'm glad things are working out.
- Are you even listening to me? - More no than yes.
- How on earth do you even know this guy? Do you know about the prison pen pal program? - He was in prison? - Who? - Steve! - We're still talking about him? Yes! Okay, I guess we'll talk about my stuff later.
You didn't answer me.
How do you know this guy? He did some landscaping for me a couple of years ago.
Most boring man I ever met! - Then why did you set me up with him?! - Most boring man I ever met.
Ah! How am I gonna get out of this? - Say you're not interested.
- I can't do that! I've met his daughters! Well, then be a bad date.
Be mean to the waiter or something.
I can't do that! Then I hope your old wedding dress still fits.
[ sighing .]
- Well? - Don't rush him.
- Hmm.
Love it.
- Pssh! The savoury goat against the sweet challa bread is a symphony of flavor.
- It is a winner.
- Absolutely.
Do you have a name for this little baby? - Yeah, I'm thinking the Natewich.
- Not a chance! My food, my restaurant.
We are naming it after me.
It will be called the Fatwich.
You're naming it after yourself? - Of course.
- And you're going with Fatwich? Yes.
Maybe you want to repeat that a few times in your head, to see if it sounds, uh There you go.
Well Pff! We can tell Amaar the truth.
Yes.
Ha! "So sorry, Amaar, "but Harry has eliminated all of us from the multi-faith contest "and the chance at $10,000 because we could not contain our hatred for each other's religion.
" Hmm.
- I know exactly what we have to do.
- What? - Oh! - Salaam Alaikum.
- Walaikum Assalaam.
What the hell happened last night? I came by the mosque and all you guys were gone! I'm so sorry, brother Amaar.
Harry was tired and so were we.
- This multi-faith stuff is exhausting.
- Okay, Baber, I gotta go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! You will not believe what happened last night! - Harry declared us early winners.
- Better.
What could be better than that? "A salami cake bun," brother Amaar.
[ Arabic music .]
[Together.]
: Hey! - Is it laundry day? - Hi.
Yeah, yeah, well, I figured second date, I might as well show you the real me.
Hey.
This is the real you.
Yep! You could've told me sooner, but - Does it bother you? - Actually, it baffles me, to be honest.
I don't know how you know that, um, I have a thing for track pants.
A thing? What thing? I mean, just the sight of a women in track pants makes my head just whoa! [ Steve laughing .]
- Ah, good Lord! - Anything in a tracksuit.
You could put a zebra in a tracksuit and I wouldn't care.
I mean, those things, they just work! Oh! - I hate movies! - Please, don't get me started! I don't know how anybody could not hate movies! Ugh! But as long as I have track pants, I don't need much else, which is why we are so perfect for each other! Hey! Hey! Why don't you watch what you're doing?! - I'm so sorry.
- You're lucky you're so adorable.
- What's your name? - Uh, Tommy.
Tom.
Well, Tommy Tom, I just hope the specials are as pleasing to the eye as you are.
[ clicking her tongue .]
I'll, uh, I'll be right back with a cloth and clean that up.
- Hurry back.
- Sarah, are you feeling okay? Great.
Never felt better.
Wow! He is not professional.
Okay, guys, where's Harry and what's really going on? What does it look like? Brother Thorne has finally seen the light.
Seen it, bathed in it, bought the beanie.
- Topi.
- Topi.
Right.
It's actually a long time coming.
- Really? - Sure, yeah.
Cool hats, Pyjamas, prayer barriers Hmm? Not to mention the whole 72-virgins thing.
Okay, if Baber said that was in the Quran, he's wrong.
Oh! Even better.
Actually, it sounded like a lot of work.
Subhan'Allah! It's happy days! Subs and falafels! Good times! Actually, not entirely good.
Why? Whatever do you mean? Now that I'm Muslim, the three of us don't qualify as multi-faith, which means we can't win that award, which is silly, meaningless and irrelevant, you know.
Ah, who cares about a foolish award anyway! [ laughing .]
Ha! ha! That's Muslim! - Punch it.
- Guys, I'm not buying any of this.
- What's really going on? - It was his idea.
So, Tommy Tom, Tell me, what else do you do when you're not flashing Those dimples around here? I am finishing up a degree in hospitality management.
- Wow! - Hope to open my own restaurant one day.
Well, you should call it Dimples & Dumplings and reserve a permanent table for me.
That would be very nice of you.
And, uh, great for business, eh? Oh, so would walking around without your shirt on.
[ laughing .]
Okay, I'll just go check on your entrees.
Okay.
Where are you going? I've just had about enough of this.
The nerve of some people! I know, you're absolutely right.
I'm so sorry.
- Apology not accepted.
- I understand.
Especially since none of this is your fault.
It isn't? The little perv has been all over you since we got here! - Is everything okay here? - Yeah, yeah, everything's fine.
No, no.
Actually, you know what? Everything is not fine.
Do you know that one of your waiters is a sex-crazed maniac? That little pervert right there has been all over my date since we got here.
- Is this true, Tom? - No, no, no.
I- I- I was flirting with you Because I'm too scared to break up with you.
- Again? - Ouch.
- Oh, yikes.
I'm sorry, Steve.
I guess I'm not very good at this kind of thing.
Sarah, I don't know what to say.
- I mean - Well, me neither.
Obviously we need couples counselling.
Sit down, Steve.
We need to talk.
Harry! Harry! Oh, thank God I caught up to you! I wanted to speak to you before you left.
Don't bother, Amaar.
You're too late.
I've already sent in my evaluation to head office.
I can't in good conscience recommend you three for this award.
- I'm sorry.
My hands are tied.
- No, I understand.
I get it.
You're just doing your job.
Listen, don't beat yourself up about this.
Who knows, maybe those two knuckleheads will come around in time for next year.
- I seriously doubt that.
- Me too.
[ chuckling .]
Yet in the meantime, go easy on them.
And don't rub this award in their faces when you win it.
When I win it? But you just said you couldn't recommend us.
Oh, I can't.
[ chuckling .]
So I recommended you instead.
But Harry, I'm only one person.
One faith.
But Mercy is everything that multi-faith is meant to be.
And as far as I can tell, it's your doing.
Wow.
Thank you, Harry.
[ Harry chuckling .]
Well, the fact that you still believe in multi-faith after putting up with those two idiots, that's just a miracle.
[ both laughing .]
Stupid multi-faith! Yeah, I don't care what Harry or Amaar say.
Some things are just not meant to be together.
- Divided we stand, united we fall! - Yes! - Mmm! This is divine! - Mm-hmm! - Mine is heavenly! - Glad you like it.
We're thinking of making it a permanent item on the menu.
- We? - We came up with it together.
- What do you call it? - The Halal Challa "Halla" Hoagie.
Yeah, the marriage of halal and kosher food.
Together at last.
Stupid multi-faith! [ Jewish music .]
Rayyan: Mom, are you going to join us for lunch? No, I'm meeting somebody else.
- Oh, hey, Tommy Tom! - Hey.
- Tommy Tom? - Congratulations, Rayyan.
Looks like you got the baby brother you always wanted.
He's not a date.
He's a client.
Hi.
Tommy Tom liked my idea for a restaurant, so I'm doing his PR.
It's called Dimples and Dumplings.
[ Tommy Tom laughing .]
So, I meant to ask you, what are you gonna do with that award money? Ah! I'm going to donate it to the mosque, and the church of course, anonymously.
Our new soft carpets are much, much nicer than a taller prayer barrier.
Yeah? Well I guarantee you haven't felt a softer kneeler than this one.
Go on.
For a test drive.
Yep.
Uh You're right.
It is very soft.
But why do you call it a kneeler? It's not important.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven
I'm sorry.
It's not you it's me.
I think you're boring.
- I am not boring! - What'd you do this weekend? Never mind.
You were looking at restaurant menus online again, weren't you? I am very indecisive at restaurants.
You know that.
If I don't research menus ahead of time, I freeze up when it's time to order.
And then when the waiter walks away because I need more time to order, I- I die a little inside.
I've got to find you a date! I can't stand the thought of you alone.
But it's just- It's so soon! It's been 6 months since the divorce and 2 years since Yasir moved! Trust me, I know a thing or two about dating.
I have been married 4 times.
[ .]
Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E04 The Dating Game Now why would you nominate us for a multi-faith award without even mentioning it first? I did.
I sat right here and I said, "I'm submitting us for the Multi-Faith Spirit Award.
" Oh, see, I heard "multiuse table saw.
" When did you do this? And by "when" I mean, What were you thinking? Look, Mercy is a unique place.
We're pioneers of multi-faith and we can inspire others to be the same.
For your "belief that no religion is superior to the others"? [ both snickering .]
[ clearing his throat .]
I understand the words, but this sentence makes no sense! Who in their right mind thinks that every religion is equal? - Me.
- Yes, but you're not normal.
I mean, look at you two.
Look how well you guys get along.
No, we do not get along well.
We disagree well.
Yes.
The only thing we agree on is that one of us is wrong.
Guys, we are one of the 3 finalists! Someone from Toronto is flying in to evaluate us today! - You're suggesting that we lie? - Sin.
No, I'm suggesting you participate in the evaluation.
Boring.
Look, I'm meeting the guy at Fatima's at 6 o'clock, and all I'm saying is if you guys came there, you would see how multi-faith you really are! We are all people of the Book, and our differences are tiny, by comparison.
- My God, he's naïve! - Like a brown Jonas Brother.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Well, I think it's great that you're moving on with your life.
Really? I was so nervous to tell you! No! If you're ready, I'm ready.
The most important thing is that you're happy.
Right? Yeah.
- So when's your first date? - Tonight.
Oh! You don't waste any time.
You've obviously never seen her order off the menu.
- So get a website already.
- What?! Nothing.
Speaking of which, where did you meet this guy? I haven't.
Ann set it up.
Are you sure that's a good idea? The last time you guys went out, you got in a bar fight.
- No, this is different.
Very different.
- All right.
Just don't call me when you wake up in a tub full of ice with your kidney missing.
No, I'm serious.
Don't call me call 911.
I'll meet you at the hospital.
I still cannot believe that he would nominate us for an award that flies in the face of everything we don't believe in! Yeah! Crazy multi-faith and its "everybody's right and everybody's equal!" "And everybody goes to heaven" and $10,000 in prize money and Yeah! And the- Wait, what? Hey, Fatima! What are the specials? - Goat.
- And? I do not understand the question.
- We always have the same special.
- That's what makes it special.
Actually, specials are supposed to change daily, like your clothes or your girlfriend's last known address.
What do you know about running a restaurant? Are you kidding? I grew up in them.
My grandfather owned two Jewish delis and an Italian deli.
Was he Italian or Jewish? Jewish, but he hated wasting leftovers and Italians will eat anything.
So, what would you do with my goat curry? I don't know.
Uh, reinvent it.
[ short laugh .]
I will give you a chance.
- Okay! - Let's get started.
- Stop fidgeting! - I can't help it.
I'm nervous.
Relax.
It's a date, not a Breathalyzer.
Just don't mention the Muslim thing and you'll be fine.
Why? Because no one in their right mind would date a Muslim? No.
Yes.
I haven't been on a date in over 30 years, you know! That is so sad.
Sorry, what I meant was pathetic.
- You're not helping.
- What you need is a practice date.
I'm meeting Steve in an hour.
Where do you suppose Hey! Name's Andy.
I'm a Scorpion but my zodiac says Libra.
- This is ridiculous.
- The only ridiculous thing I see is how perfect you look in that dress.
Oh, please! This old thing? Old is a dirty word.
I prefer to think of it as classic timeless.
- Oh my! - Oh my indeed! So, what do you do for a living, Andy? - Please, call me Ann.
- All right.
- Wait, what? - What do you do for fun, Sarah? - No, this isn't working.
- I have a tingling that says otherwise.
I'm gonna get going.
Call me! [ door opening .]
She'll be back.
Are you sure you're not hungry, Harry? Because I know those flights from Toronto can be a real doozy.
No, I'm fine.
Thank you.
Coffee? Dessert? Anything? I just wouldn't want this trip not to be worth your while.
Now what would make you say something like that? Poor hospitality, grumpy townsfolk, AWOL clerics.
I don't know, Harry.
I just think maybe we're not as multi-faith as I thought.
Ah, I think what Amaar is trying to say is that he's sorry we're not more multi-faith, right? We only wish that there were more religions in Mercy.
Yes.
You know, Judaism, Buddhism, Shinto, Oprah they're all equal to me! [ laughter .]
That's a good one.
Let me introduce my co-applicants, Baber Siddiqui, the imam of the mosque, - And Reverend William Thorne.
- Ah, yes.
Thorne is such a good Anglican.
We could not have a better Anglican in our happy and tolerant little town.
You guys are laying it on a bit thick, aren't you? Well, awards don't win themselves.
Amaar.
Steve? - Sarah? - Steve? Ann told me you were a looker, but, uh, wow.
[ chuckling .]
Oh! Have you been waiting long? - No, no.
Just- just an hour.
- Oh! An hour? Oh, my goodness.
Am I late? No, no.
You're on time.
I came early just in case you got here before I did and decided to leave.
Oh, that is so sweet! [ short laugh .]
Oh, uh No, no, no.
I got this.
Allow me.
We love you.
[ short laugh .]
Your line about having more religions in mercy is just - Brilliant! - Thank you.
I cannot believe I kept a straight face! I almost lost it! [ Reverend laughing .]
I think I'll use my share of the money reupholstering the prayer kneelers.
I'm so tired of looking at those agonized faces! I know exactly what you mean.
I'll use my money to raise the height of the prayer barrier.
Nice! Yeah, and to think we almost let 10 grand slip through our fingers! Here, keep the change.
Everything on here looks so good.
Oh, this is one of my favourite menus to download.
To what? Nothing.
I was just making a joke.
Oh.
Yeah.
[ chuckling .]
That's good.
[ laughing .]
You're hilarious! Ha! Thank you.
No one's ever actually said that to me before.
Because no one has ever fully appreciated you before, and I really I really appreciate you, Sarah.
Oh! We haven't even ordered our appetizers yet! [ laughing .]
Just stop it! You're killing me! You're killing me! [ Steve laughing .]
We we haven't [ laughing .]
[ still laughing .]
Well, Harry, I thought we'd take a tour of the town And see some of Mercy'y's religions tolerance in action.
Sounds great.
You weren't going to start the tour without us, were you? That's not very inclusive, Amaar.
Well, I didn't realize you wanted to part of the tour.
Of course! But- but We also want the tour to- to be a part of us.
Oh, here's an idea.
Why don't we give Harry a tour of the "murch"? That's, uh, "mosque" and "church" together.
Sure, great idea.
Let's go.
Uh, actually, if it's all the same to you, Amaar, uh, I wouldn't mind a little time alone with your co-applicants.
Oh! Yeah, that's great! Yeah, you can join us later for tea.
- Maybe bring some sweets.
- Okay.
Any preferences? Oh, just bring one of everything, the way God intended! - Write that down.
- Very interesting.
Don't worry.
We got this.
Best meal I ever had was in Roma.
Ah! I've never been.
What?! [ dropping his utensils .]
We have to go! - To Rome? Yeah.
- Yeah.
What? Wh- What are you doing? - Looking up flight information.
- To go to Rome? - You want to go somewhere else? - No! - Magnifico! - Wait! Wait! It's a little soon, don't you think? I mean, we only just met.
- I, uh - Eh, eh, eh You know, I'm Muslim.
- Oh.
- Yeah! Uh, see, Ann never told me about that.
Oh, I'm not surprised.
- It scares a lot of guys off.
- Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
She was probably just waiting to give you a chance to get to know me before the whole Muslim thing reared its ugly head, but know that you know Yeah.
No, Rome is definitely- it is not happening.
No, I figured.
We should probably go to Mecca instead.
Okay, give me an example of how you two live by the principles of multi-faith.
Oh, well, uh, pff! So many examples! Well, do you think we have time to show Harry the uh, that thing? Uh, the Bible- Quran combo? Oh! We have plenty of time! [ laughing .]
Multi-time, if you will.
[ laughing .]
- Multi-time.
That's good.
- Yes, yes.
The book idea is actually very interesting.
Perhaps you could tell me something about it.
Oh, you know, it's just one of the many, uh, multi-faith side projects we've got going.
In the very early days, we were thinking of calling it the, uh, the Biblerun.
- Or the Quranble.
- Well, it's a working title.
I find it interesting that the mosque is inside the church and not the other way around.
Uh, simply because the church came first.
- You mean built first.
- Yes.
Yes, but also historically speaking, the church was first.
Saying the church came first seems to indicate a kind of hierarchy, no? The church coming first allowed us to learn from its many mistakes, of which there were very many.
Well, you know, I wouldn't call them mistakes.
Uh, colossal failures then? Why don't we just let he is without sin start the first jihad.
Or burn the first witch.
Yes, this coming from a man who wanted to use barbed wire as a prayer barrier! That is only because I could not afford electrical fencing! - Extremist! Rug rider! - Infidel! Bible thum per.
- Uh-oh.
- Uh You know what? I- I want to cut to the chase.
- Uh - Oh, wow! [ both chuckling .]
I want to ask you out again.
But there's something I, uh, I need to tell you.
- Uh-huh.
- And It's not easy for me.
[ chuckling .]
- Uh, don't be nervous.
- Really? No, I'm sure whatever it is, we can deal with it.
Okay.
Unless, of course, we can't, and we have to end this before it ever really even started, which is highly likely.
- I have two daughters.
- And? And they're God, they're dying to meet you! Well - Girls, come here.
- What?! [ Steve chuckling .]
Surprise! Thanis, Janis, this is Sarah.
Oh, big family picture! Come on.
Family picture.
Okay.
Closer.
Together.
Together.
Here we go.
Big smiles.
Oh! My girls.
Ann: You're going out again? That's wonderful.
He invited me out in front of his daughters! I had no choice! - I'm glad things are working out.
- Are you even listening to me? - More no than yes.
- How on earth do you even know this guy? Do you know about the prison pen pal program? - He was in prison? - Who? - Steve! - We're still talking about him? Yes! Okay, I guess we'll talk about my stuff later.
You didn't answer me.
How do you know this guy? He did some landscaping for me a couple of years ago.
Most boring man I ever met! - Then why did you set me up with him?! - Most boring man I ever met.
Ah! How am I gonna get out of this? - Say you're not interested.
- I can't do that! I've met his daughters! Well, then be a bad date.
Be mean to the waiter or something.
I can't do that! Then I hope your old wedding dress still fits.
[ sighing .]
- Well? - Don't rush him.
- Hmm.
Love it.
- Pssh! The savoury goat against the sweet challa bread is a symphony of flavor.
- It is a winner.
- Absolutely.
Do you have a name for this little baby? - Yeah, I'm thinking the Natewich.
- Not a chance! My food, my restaurant.
We are naming it after me.
It will be called the Fatwich.
You're naming it after yourself? - Of course.
- And you're going with Fatwich? Yes.
Maybe you want to repeat that a few times in your head, to see if it sounds, uh There you go.
Well Pff! We can tell Amaar the truth.
Yes.
Ha! "So sorry, Amaar, "but Harry has eliminated all of us from the multi-faith contest "and the chance at $10,000 because we could not contain our hatred for each other's religion.
" Hmm.
- I know exactly what we have to do.
- What? - Oh! - Salaam Alaikum.
- Walaikum Assalaam.
What the hell happened last night? I came by the mosque and all you guys were gone! I'm so sorry, brother Amaar.
Harry was tired and so were we.
- This multi-faith stuff is exhausting.
- Okay, Baber, I gotta go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! You will not believe what happened last night! - Harry declared us early winners.
- Better.
What could be better than that? "A salami cake bun," brother Amaar.
[ Arabic music .]
[Together.]
: Hey! - Is it laundry day? - Hi.
Yeah, yeah, well, I figured second date, I might as well show you the real me.
Hey.
This is the real you.
Yep! You could've told me sooner, but - Does it bother you? - Actually, it baffles me, to be honest.
I don't know how you know that, um, I have a thing for track pants.
A thing? What thing? I mean, just the sight of a women in track pants makes my head just whoa! [ Steve laughing .]
- Ah, good Lord! - Anything in a tracksuit.
You could put a zebra in a tracksuit and I wouldn't care.
I mean, those things, they just work! Oh! - I hate movies! - Please, don't get me started! I don't know how anybody could not hate movies! Ugh! But as long as I have track pants, I don't need much else, which is why we are so perfect for each other! Hey! Hey! Why don't you watch what you're doing?! - I'm so sorry.
- You're lucky you're so adorable.
- What's your name? - Uh, Tommy.
Tom.
Well, Tommy Tom, I just hope the specials are as pleasing to the eye as you are.
[ clicking her tongue .]
I'll, uh, I'll be right back with a cloth and clean that up.
- Hurry back.
- Sarah, are you feeling okay? Great.
Never felt better.
Wow! He is not professional.
Okay, guys, where's Harry and what's really going on? What does it look like? Brother Thorne has finally seen the light.
Seen it, bathed in it, bought the beanie.
- Topi.
- Topi.
Right.
It's actually a long time coming.
- Really? - Sure, yeah.
Cool hats, Pyjamas, prayer barriers Hmm? Not to mention the whole 72-virgins thing.
Okay, if Baber said that was in the Quran, he's wrong.
Oh! Even better.
Actually, it sounded like a lot of work.
Subhan'Allah! It's happy days! Subs and falafels! Good times! Actually, not entirely good.
Why? Whatever do you mean? Now that I'm Muslim, the three of us don't qualify as multi-faith, which means we can't win that award, which is silly, meaningless and irrelevant, you know.
Ah, who cares about a foolish award anyway! [ laughing .]
Ha! ha! That's Muslim! - Punch it.
- Guys, I'm not buying any of this.
- What's really going on? - It was his idea.
So, Tommy Tom, Tell me, what else do you do when you're not flashing Those dimples around here? I am finishing up a degree in hospitality management.
- Wow! - Hope to open my own restaurant one day.
Well, you should call it Dimples & Dumplings and reserve a permanent table for me.
That would be very nice of you.
And, uh, great for business, eh? Oh, so would walking around without your shirt on.
[ laughing .]
Okay, I'll just go check on your entrees.
Okay.
Where are you going? I've just had about enough of this.
The nerve of some people! I know, you're absolutely right.
I'm so sorry.
- Apology not accepted.
- I understand.
Especially since none of this is your fault.
It isn't? The little perv has been all over you since we got here! - Is everything okay here? - Yeah, yeah, everything's fine.
No, no.
Actually, you know what? Everything is not fine.
Do you know that one of your waiters is a sex-crazed maniac? That little pervert right there has been all over my date since we got here.
- Is this true, Tom? - No, no, no.
I- I- I was flirting with you Because I'm too scared to break up with you.
- Again? - Ouch.
- Oh, yikes.
I'm sorry, Steve.
I guess I'm not very good at this kind of thing.
Sarah, I don't know what to say.
- I mean - Well, me neither.
Obviously we need couples counselling.
Sit down, Steve.
We need to talk.
Harry! Harry! Oh, thank God I caught up to you! I wanted to speak to you before you left.
Don't bother, Amaar.
You're too late.
I've already sent in my evaluation to head office.
I can't in good conscience recommend you three for this award.
- I'm sorry.
My hands are tied.
- No, I understand.
I get it.
You're just doing your job.
Listen, don't beat yourself up about this.
Who knows, maybe those two knuckleheads will come around in time for next year.
- I seriously doubt that.
- Me too.
[ chuckling .]
Yet in the meantime, go easy on them.
And don't rub this award in their faces when you win it.
When I win it? But you just said you couldn't recommend us.
Oh, I can't.
[ chuckling .]
So I recommended you instead.
But Harry, I'm only one person.
One faith.
But Mercy is everything that multi-faith is meant to be.
And as far as I can tell, it's your doing.
Wow.
Thank you, Harry.
[ Harry chuckling .]
Well, the fact that you still believe in multi-faith after putting up with those two idiots, that's just a miracle.
[ both laughing .]
Stupid multi-faith! Yeah, I don't care what Harry or Amaar say.
Some things are just not meant to be together.
- Divided we stand, united we fall! - Yes! - Mmm! This is divine! - Mm-hmm! - Mine is heavenly! - Glad you like it.
We're thinking of making it a permanent item on the menu.
- We? - We came up with it together.
- What do you call it? - The Halal Challa "Halla" Hoagie.
Yeah, the marriage of halal and kosher food.
Together at last.
Stupid multi-faith! [ Jewish music .]
Rayyan: Mom, are you going to join us for lunch? No, I'm meeting somebody else.
- Oh, hey, Tommy Tom! - Hey.
- Tommy Tom? - Congratulations, Rayyan.
Looks like you got the baby brother you always wanted.
He's not a date.
He's a client.
Hi.
Tommy Tom liked my idea for a restaurant, so I'm doing his PR.
It's called Dimples and Dumplings.
[ Tommy Tom laughing .]
So, I meant to ask you, what are you gonna do with that award money? Ah! I'm going to donate it to the mosque, and the church of course, anonymously.
Our new soft carpets are much, much nicer than a taller prayer barrier.
Yeah? Well I guarantee you haven't felt a softer kneeler than this one.
Go on.
For a test drive.
Yep.
Uh You're right.
It is very soft.
But why do you call it a kneeler? It's not important.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven