The Wonder Years s06e04 Episode Script

For most guys I went to school with in nineteen-seventy-two, A time for expanding horizons, broadening perspectives, seeking answers to little-known questions.
It was an opportunity to grapple with the great issues of our day, which as it happened, boiled down to only two.
there were only four independent republics, as compared to now.
By the end of 1972, there's gonna be forty-one.
One of them was sex.
Sonow is eveybody paying attention? Miss Farmer.
Our social studies teacher.
Who can tell me the namesof three African republics? No one? Let's look at a map.
In one of the great cosmic ironies of our time The board of education had hired her to mold and develop our formative young minds.
Alright.
Why doesn't everybody just pass up their assignments All in all, if you were sixteen and male, it was agony.
And no one was immune.
Which brings me back to the point.
For teenage boys, there were only two great issues - sex That'll be three-sixty-nine.
And, of course, economics.
Uhsure.
And let me be clear about this By "economics", I mean cold, hard, cash.
Not that I had any.
You're forty-nine cents short.
Uhone second.
Any of you guys got fifty cents? Not me.
Sorry, man.
I'm tapped.
Wait a minute.
Between the two of you, you can't come up with a lousy half-buck? Hey, I paid last week.
Amazing.
Even with my job delivering Chinese food two nights a week - Be right with you.
The best I could do when it came to cash-flow, was There.
It's a potato chip.
Oh, yeah.
- Guess it is.
- Get outta here Right.
Face it, poverty was ruining my good name, my reputation.
Not to mention my my credit-rating.
What's that sound? Not to mention my love-life.
What sound? That one.
There it is again.
It'smy stomach.
It's growling.
Oh.
Not to mention my girlfriend's digestive tract.
I thought you said you were taking me out to dinner tonight.
Oh.
Yeah.
Kevin, I'm really hungry.
Can't we justget something? Well, uh, yeah I thinkeating out is over-rated.
And you know, the service is always slow.
Plus the food is never that good.
You know, I read somewhere that anything ya eat after nine o'clock goes right to your hips.
Didn't you read that? I think I'd like to go home now.
Right Fact.
This cashflow thing was beginning to cloud my judgement.
And so, desperation led me to consider once-unthinkable options.
In other words I needed a second job.
Preferably something that didn't require a name-tag And a shovel.
Or a Baggie and a scoop.
Brother And then, just as luck and money were running out Oh! Hi, Kevin.
Hi.
Lust and fortune stepped in.
And opportunity knocked.
Kevin! Hi! Hi.
I, uh, came about the job.
Well, geeyou certainly got here fast! Yeah, well, it's right on the way.
Besides, you know what they say "the early worm gets the bird".
Anyway, uhHere I am.
Well, good! Why don't you come on in? I'm making some lemonade.
And the formalities out of the way Negotiations began.
- Sugar? - Hmmm? - For your lemonade? - Oh.
Yeah So? Don't you even want to know what the job is? Well, it's, uhPainting, right? I've mean I've done lots of painting - all over the place.
Two storm-windows for Dad, and Wayne's forehead when I was six.
But who was counting? Oh, I don't knowmaybe I should have it done professionally.
But at that momentI'd have killed to keep professionals from her house.
Hey, why hire them when you got me? Babe.
Wellif you really think you can.
Course I can.
So What would I be painting? The house.
The house? The whole house? No - just the outside.
The thing is I don't have much money.
And of course, right thenI should have known I was in over my head.
I should have known.
I should have known, but How doesfive-hundred dollars sound? And that's when it happened.
Right then.
Right there.
Two great forces of nature converged.
Beautyand cash.
Course, you would take care of supplies.
Can you start this weekend? Well Painting? What do you know about painting? Dad, what's there to know? I mean, there's the house, andyou paint it.
Seemed simple enough to me.
What kind of paint are you using? Latex or enamel? Uhblue.
- You know what supplies to buy? - Well You have a crew to work with? Jeez, what was this - trade school? Hey, I have a couple guysin mind.
Well, just make sure you know what you're doing.
Painting's hard enough even when you're good at it.
And there you had it.
The unflagging support of hearth and home.
Better hope it's one of those paint-by-number houses.
Shut up, butthead! After all, if there was one thing I didn't need, it was my family bringing me down.
Are you out of you're mind? I had my friends to do that.
Paint a house? A whole house? That sounds like work! I thought you guys needed the money.
How much you payin'? Let's see, herefive-hundred divided by three, comes to Twenty bucks a man? OK, if that's the way they wanted it - fine.
After all, I didn't need them.
What I needed were men.
Men who took joy in their work.
Solid, blue-collar men.
Men like Jimmy Donnelly Eddie Horvath And Joey Spinoza.
I dunno, call it instinct, but somehow, I knew I'd found my crew.
So guys.
Want to make a few dollars? Bingo.
Dollars? And so with that, my team was complete.
Sure, maybe they weren't much on experience But they did have their good points.
They worked hard, they worked fast.
But most of all, they worked cheap.
So, Arnold.
When you said a few dollars, exactly how few were you talkin' about? I'm not sure.
Ya knowI gotta buy supplies And there's overhead - In ballpark figures.
- Twenty FourNinety-five.
- Thirty.
- Thirty!? So this guy wanted to play hardball, huh? Sorry.
Twenty-six is my limit.
Twenty-eight.
That's as low as I go.
Twenty-seven.
I'll go talk to my boys.
Heh-heh.
Game, set, and matchArnold.
At eighty-some bucks for labor, plus materials, I'd have enough left from the five-hundred to qualify as a small fortune.
OK.
One-forty-twofor the paint.
That's twenty-eightfor the brushes.
Thirty-five for the rollers.
And sixteen bucks for the tarp.
A very small fortune.
One-forty-two for the paint? How'd you get that? I added! You got a grand-total of two-fifty-eight eighty-eight.
OK.
We're in.
It was kinda like watching my wallet bleed to death.
Still, at least now maybe the hemorrhage was complete.
Plus tax.
The next morning, we arrived - on time, ready to tackle the task before us.
Wait a minute.
With just one little hitch.
You never said anything about it being two storeys.
That's not two storeys.
That's a window! Right there! Man, this is gonna cost more.
I'd sayat least - fifty.
Fifty!? Yeah, but we agreed on - Fifty.
Up front, and in cash.
It was a holdup worthy of Jesse James.
And I wasn't buying.
Oh, no.
No way, forget it! - But, Arnold - Donnelly, we had a deal.
And a deal's a deal.
Period.
Hey, I was no patsy.
After all, I had an investment here.
Kevin! Unfortunately, at that moment The stock market crashed.
I'm so glad you're here! Are you just about ready to get started? Uh, sure! Just about.
Good! OK, Arnold.
So we have a deal? Fine What else could I do? I was stymied.
Greed and temptation had conspired against me.
- Let's just get to work now, OK? - You got it.
And then there was really nothing left to say, but - Boys? Breaktime! Right.
Can't you guys go any faster? We're going as fast as we can.
Hey, Donnelly, why don't you take that top window up there? I'm afraid of heights.
I paid you for a second floor.
I know.
I appreciate it! Hey, Arnold, uh, we're gonna need some more paint.
Time was money, paint was moneyso it was obvious what I had to do.
I had to ask Miss Farmer for an extra hundred dollars.
It shouldn't be difficult.
This was business - simple economics.
It had nothing to do with anything else.
Nothing to do with long legs, with soft skin, with the way a woman smelled in the morning.
Miss Farmer? You got a second? Hi, Kevin! Uhhi! I guess it must look kind of silly - me sunbathing here without a pool.
But somehow, "silly" wasn't exactly the word that came to mind.
So? How's it going? Oh, fine! It's just Actually, uh, what I came to tell ya is I think it's gonna cost more than I thought.
Really? Well, you should have told me! You can always come to me when you have a problem.
Holy cow! This was gonna be easier than I thought.
I was funded, I was flush! I was back in the chips.
Here! Here's an extra ten dollars.
I was workingfor peanuts.
Thanks.
I'm glad I could help.
There's paint, paint remover, pans, brushesanything else? A ladder.
Oh, yeah! You starting a new house? Yeah, I'm painting the whole block.
OoohOKlet's add it up.
That's forty-one dollars.
It was amazing.
Forty-one on the nose.
My once-magnificent fortune was now completely gone.
Plus there's tax.
Thanks! I was flat broke.
Busted.
My only hope was to cut my losses and finish the job before it finished me.
Hey, Donnelly, over here.
Look.
Look.
Whoa! Hey guys! You think we can get a little painting done here? Lighten up, Arnold.
We're on a break! Alright, that's it! I'd had enough.
I was fed up with these jokers.
I'd been pushed to my limits.
Hey, you guys took a break twenty minutes ago.
It's time to get some work done now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah And maybe that's when it hit me The horrible truth.
I was letting this poor school teacher's house be painted bya bunch of perverts.
You know, I can't believe you! I am really, really surprised.
Donnelly, Spinoza, Horvath.
I hired you.
And from the first day all you've been doing is gold-brickingand daydreaming.
And from now on, there's gonna be no more breaks, and no daydreaming.
Do I make myself clear?! Now, you're gonna take pride in your work.
And you're gonna paint! And you're not gonna stop painting until this job is finished! There! It was a summons to arms.
An appeal to old-fashioned red-blooded ethics that called for only one reply.
We quit! Seeya.
What do you mean, "you quit"? You can't just quit.
I already paid you.
I paid for those overalls! And those gloves But suddenly - I was on my own.
Kevin? Honey, are you alright? Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, there's paint in my potatoes! Shut up, butthead! That night I was in no mood for jokes.
Or potatoes.
You sure you're not working too hard? Yeah! Mom, I told ya, I'm fine.
Really.
Besidesit's my job.
I know.
But you look exhausted.
Honey, no one would blame you if you quit.
They wouldn't? And there it was - peace with honor.
Just in my grasp Quit?! He's not gonna quit.
Woops.
Ya know, Kevin, at first I had my doubts.
But seeing how hard you've been working I gotta sayI'm impressed, son.
And I guess that's when I realized, looking into my father's eye's Seeing his admiration, his trust, his total mis-reading of the situation I knew there was only one thing to do.
I was gonna turn a profit from this thing, or die trying.
Sure, I'd gotten confused by beauty, by lust, by greed.
But no more.
Nope.
From now on, business was business, was I've been waiting for you.
Never mind You have? Oh, Kevin! Oh, hi.
I'm glad you stopped by.
Won't you come in? I just made some lemonade.
Would you like some? No thanks.
I just came over to tell you something.
Oh? What? At that moment, I noticed something about Miss Farmer that I'd never before seen.
She had a large man in her kitchen.
Oh, Kevin.
This is Mr.
Kaplan.
He justbought my house.
- What?! - Please, LisaDave.
We just signed the papers this morning.
I couldn't believe it.
She'd really done this to me? You're moving? Not farjust an apartment across town.
I love this house.
You know, when I first moved in, I thought one day I'd get married, and raise my family here I just don't know what it is about this neighborhood.
The mailman, my next-door neighbor with his lawn-mowerseems these guys see a single girl and all they want to do is take advantage of her.
Oh Uh And somehow, right then, I began to get an inkling of what was really going on here.
Well, uhI guess you won't want me to finish painting the house, then, right? Why, Kevin! Of course I do! After all, we made a deal, didn't we? I guess I already knew what came next.
And a deal's a deal.
Yeah, that was it - the bottom-line.
In anyone's ledger.
Mr.
KaplanYa know, this painting is getting pretty expensive.
I'm gonna need some extra money to finish it.
Don't look at me kid.
I just paid fifty-five grand, for a forty-thousand-dollar house.
In a world where everyone was taking advantage of everybody else Sex and economics were facts of life.
For all of us.
The teenagers in Africa have a life that's very much different than yours I continued to see Miss Farmer every day, but, somehow, it wasn't the same after that.
They usually spend their time working After all, in a way, she'd done me a favor - taught me a lesson in "life".
To wit, when it came to beautiful women and money, it would always end like this - Some guy would get stuck on a ladder in November Hey! You missed a spot! And some guy would end up alone.
All I know for sure is, it took me six weeks to finish painting that house.
It cost me two-hundred-and-fourteen dollars of my own hard-earned money.
And the next spring, Mr.
Kaplan put up aluminum siding.