Black-ish (2014) s06e05 Episode Script
Mad and Boujee
1 DRE: The Black middle class has been around forever.
We started moving on up way before George Jefferson did, and as long as the Black middle class has been around, so have the private organizations they formed to socialize, mobilize, and uplift the race.
There are sororities and fraternities like Alpha Kappa Alpha and Omega Psi Phi, and clubs like the Links, the Boulé, and Jack and Jill.
To be a member of those groups, you had to be a somebody.
But since I grew up a nobody in Compton, these people never looked twice at me.
Which is why it was so surprising when this happened.
Oh.
Somebody's lime dressing's gonna be robust tonight.
- A man who appreciates a shallot.
- Mm-hmm.
Is that for accentuating lamb or veal? Neither.
Making some, uh, tarragon fingerling potatoes.
[Both chuckle.]
There's a place for brothers like us.
"You're invited to join Premier Noir, Incorporated where the Black elite meet"? What? Hey.
Oh, hell no.
Bow, we have a problem.
Dre, you can eat a couple grapes.
You're not gonna get in trouble.
What is [Gasps.]
You got invited to join Premier Noir? - Yes.
- [Chuckles.]
That's crazy! Black social clubs have never been into me, and now that I'm a successful brother with a reusable tote, I'm Premier Noir material? Let's not make this about you, Dre.
This is an opportunity for our kids to be a part of a black community.
I mean, come on, Dre, we don't go to church that much, and we live in an all-White neighborhood Yeah.
and we never manage to get together with that one Black family at the school.
Come on, Amukamuras.
All right, let's hang, all right? We got to do this.
- Mm.
- Come on! - [Chuckles.]
- WOMAN: Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Eh She acts like she's the only doctor at school.
I'm head of Neuro at Cedars.
- And can he talk any louder? - Ey.
You're from Compton.
We get it.
Look, I-I know it's weird for you, but you got to give Premier Noir a chance, Dre.
You could be passing up the opportunity to be a part of a social network of people that are just like you.
Please, they're so superficial.
We have nothing in common.
Dre, you are fresh off of a four-handed massage from a members-only spa.
Uh, come on.
I also had a seaweed body wrap.
So, what's your point? You boujee, Dre.
[Gasps.]
Yeah.
6x05 - Mad and Boujee Original air date October 22, 2019 Bow called me boujee.
Because you are boujee.
- No, I'm not.
- Sure you are.
You, your wife, kids boujee.
Boujee, boujee.
Boujee, boujee, boujee.
I'm sorry.
Um what is a "Boujee"? It's someone who starts to make a little money, and then they think they're better than regular Black folks.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
Well, which part of that is not you, though? None of it, man.
I think a baseball cap can still be formal wear.
Yep.
I have a thousand dollars in a shoe box above the refrigerator in my kitchen.
So, I'm not boujee.
If anything, I'm hood rich.
- Mm-hmm.
- Fascinating.
So So, what is the difference between the two? A-And if you could explain it to me using a Black person whom I respect, like, uh, uh, Kobe Bryant? Boujee.
- Oh, Cardi B? - Hood rich.
Uh, Jay-Z and Beyoncé? W-Well, they started out hood rich, but then turned boujee when they wore matching suits at the Louvre.
Science question um, can one be boujee, but then become hood rich? Ooh.
You know, there's only one person we can think of.
Yeah, yeah.
- BOTH: Mariah Carey.
- Mm.
But she gets a pass because she has a five-octave vocal range, so And those hips.
All of this trouble because Bow wants to join some stupid club! We We We already have all the clubs we need! We're members of the Auto Club! AAA for life! Yay, yay! Damn it! Bow got me all worked up.
You know what? I'm gonna take the rest of the day and buy me a chain.
Um it's 10:15 in the morning, Dre.
He doesn't care.
He's hood rich.
JUNIOR: Hey, Pops Boy, I told you, I don't care what you look like - as an old man.
- No, no, no.
I just wanted to know when your wedding is so I can figure out how hard I need to hit Tinder to find my plus-one.
Well, Lynette hasn't gotten around to picking a date yet, but as soon as she does, I'll let you know.
Wait, I thought you guys were planning the wedding together? RUBY: You don't understand, Junior.
Women don't want men's input for wedding planning.
They're not good at it you know, the way women aren't good at math.
You name me one lady math person.
And don't say "Hidden Figures.
" That was science fiction.
[Chuckles.]
Uh, Pops, I thought you were excited to get married.
I am.
I love Lynette.
I'd marry her on the Titanic or on the Moon.
The wedding itself is just a formality.
It is not.
It is the seed from which your entire marriage will grow, and I'm sure she'd love to have your input.
I'm not so sure, Junior.
Come on, Pops.
Just let me help you give this gift to her.
Okay.
But when it goes poorly disinviting you will be my gift to her.
Well, my gift to her will be wearing a high-necked dress to the ceremony.
[Chuckles.]
Because these girls are gonna upstage your girl.
[Chuckles.]
Believe that.
Nothing's more hood rich than picking up barbecue in a Benz.
So, after I got my chain, that's exactly what I did.
[Chuckles.]
Guess who went to Compton and got some barbecue?! - Whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You got barbecue and we're joining Premier Noir? This is the best day ever.
Okay, what's he talking about? We are not joining Premier Noir.
But it sounds amazing.
She knows, too? Mm-hmm.
Bow, we discussed this.
I know, but they are so excited, Dre, and I got us invited to the new members picnic.
- Why? - So, they're gonna make new friends, and all we have to do is show up.
Okay, I'm sorry she got your hopes up, but we are not joining.
But, Dad, you're always talking about how special it was to be surrounded by Black people growing up.
- [Exhales sharply.]
- We want that.
Yeah, we want to meet kids who look like us.
Mm-hmm.
Kids who love Kendrick Lamar and the Jonas Brothers equally, like we do.
Don't keep us from our people.
Please, Dad.
Let us be part of the Black community.
Fine.
- Ah.
- We'll go.
But no hood barbecue for you.
If you want ribs, order from Chili's.
BOW: Oh, she has beautiful hair.
[Gasps.]
Look at the water.
- DIANE: Ooh, that's pretty.
- It's so pretty.
DRE: Okay.
Black people wearing no-show socks it's unnatural.
- [Sighs.]
- If I see Madras shorts, I'm out of here.
JACK: Oh, look.
They've got a croquet court.
Why can't they play African games? - What? - Like basketball.
Okay, come on, guys.
He's not getting any better.
Let's go.
Okay.
Well, be back in 15 minutes because we're here to dip in and bounce.
Hey, what's up, brother? Hey, man, you got a beer with a horse or a mountain on the can? Coming right up.
[Can opens.]
Oh, hey, hey, I'm not one of them.
- I don't need a glass.
Thank you.
- Dre.
- Mm.
- Good to see you, man.
- So glad you could make it.
- Hey.
- Well, thanks for having us.
- I'll take one of those, too, man.
You know, when I saw you in that farmer's market the other day, I knew I'd seen you before.
Howard man? Yeah.
- School of B, class of '94.
- '96.
- [Chuckles.]
- HU? You know.
- All right, all right.
- All right.
So, wait a second.
'94? Mm-hmm.
Were you there when Diddy freaked out during that finance exam and had to be carried out kicking and screaming? Was I there? I was one of the dudes that had to carry him out.
Come on.
Hey, man, he's heavier than he looks.
- [Chuckles.]
- Dude got dense bones.
Yeah, to think they called the other guy "Biggie.
" [Both laugh.]
Thank you so much.
Looks like our kids have made friends.
Oh.
Hey.
- I'm Shaline.
- Hey.
Rainbow.
Are those your kids? - Yeah.
- Aw, that's amazing.
Oh, my God.
They're having so much fun.
That's great.
That's what Premier Noir is all about.
- Aww.
- Connection.
Yeah, and a little bit of day-drinking, am I right? [Chuckles.]
I'm kidding.
[Chuckles.]
Well, anyway, we're we're in.
Where do I drop them off? Oh, this isn't really a "drop them off" type of organization.
- Oh, okay.
Mm.
- We plan social events community service activities, educational outings - that need parental involvement.
- Mm.
Sounds like a second job with no compensation.
[Chuckles.]
It's a lot of work, but it's worth it for our kids.
[Laughter in distance.]
- All right, here we go, guys.
- Look at that.
I honestly never thought I would see Diane laugh with someone.
[Chuckles.]
Sign me up.
[Laughter.]
My dip-and-bounce turned into a stay-and-chill.
You know, one time, my office had a party at a pool, and they asked me to sign a liability waiver in case I couldn't swim.
Hey, hey, hey.
Can you swim? Of course not, but they didn't know that.
[Laughter.]
You know, I thought I was the only one.
- Mm.
- Hey, oh, you know what? How many of you are the only Black executives at your work? [Exhales sharply.]
- Wow.
- Okay, so you get it? You know, it's like I have to give a Black history lesson - [Groans.]
- to every coworker every other day.
[Laughter.]
Hey, you know what? You guys should do an ad campaign to let them know that they can Yelp "where the best place in Los Angeles to hear jazz is.
" Oh.
Eh I'm sorry, do you do advertising? Yes.
My company's looking for a new firm.
The ad rep at the last one we hired insisted on referring to me as "brother man" every single time we had a meeting.
Hey, look, I can't count how many clients want to call me "Dr.
Dre.
" You know what? - We should talk.
- All right.
See, Dre? Membership has its privileges.
I see.
You are gonna be the newest member, right? Yes, I am.
Yes.
He is.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, brother, for the record, I was wrong about Madras.
You are wearing those shorts.
- [Chuckles.]
- I mean So, I made this calendar of all the possible dates in 2020 and preemptively blacked out all the major holidays, as well as the Super Bowl, March Madness, - and the Triple Crown.
- [Chuckles.]
- Right? - Wow.
- You really do get me, grandson.
- Mm-hmm.
But like I said, this is all a ceremony.
- Anything works for me.
- Okay.
Well, uh, I was thinking the Arboretum, and it looks like they've got an opening in July.
Ugh.
No way.
In that heat? I mean, I don't really care.
I just don't want Lynette to be uncomfortable.
All right.
Well, I'll start looking at hotels.
No, no, it's got to be outdoors, except in disgusting July.
And when was the last Superbloom? Smack in the middle of March Madness, so I guess that's out.
No, no, no.
It's just a couple of games of college basketball.
I can miss those.
This is an important day for my lady, who would also like a cigar-rolling station.
That's what Lynette wants? You damn right that's what she wants.
This wedding is a chance for Lynette to celebrate the love she thought she'd never find, and now that she's thinking about it, she wants to make it a day that she'll never forget.
Wow.
I didn't know this meant so much to her.
It does.
To her.
Again, I could go either way.
Okay, Pops.
Say no more.
I'll call the Cubans.
My man.
What's up, Charlie? Is that a Premier Noir membership pin? Mm.
Yes, it is.
Mm.
- What the hell? - Sorry.
I had to make sure it was really you and not some pod person, because the real Dre would have never joined some boujee Black social club.
I changed my mind.
Hmm.
I'll [bleep.]
you up, Charlie.
Okay, it really is you.
Sit down.
Charlie I know what you're thinking.
Man, but everybody was cool.
Mm.
Look, man, there were so many professionals.
Charlie, it's worth doing it just to boost your career.
They boosting brothers? Yes, Charlie.
Until I got there, I didn't realize what it felt to have that kind of support, and my kids felt it, too, Charlie.
They made new friends.
What? Black ones.
[Voice breaking.]
That sounds great.
Sign me up.
- Sign you up? - [Chuckling.]
Yeah.
[Both laugh.]
No, really, really, really.
Seriously, sign me up.
Ah, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Uh [Sniffs.]
I'll ask around.
Yeah.
Dre, he's your friend.
Just bring him along.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Will it? - Yeah.
Come on, babe.
It's Charlie, all right? I don't think he's gonna fit in.
You didn't think you would fit in, and look at you now.
You're having the time of your life, Dre, and you're talking about your new friends like a little schoolgirl.
That's because Harold is interesting, Bow.
Did you know his grandfather was a Pip? - Really? - A Pip, Bow! Whoo, whoo! Fine, okay? A couple of us are going to golf tomorrow.
- Maybe I'll bring Charlie along.
- There you go.
I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself, because I am being run ragged, Dre.
I have to be back at the hospital in an hour, and I have 50 more of these cake pops to make so I can give them to the kids so they can bring them to the Youth Summit.
Okay, babe? Why don't you just buy some? Because, Dre, according to the by-laws, young, gifted, and Black children can only eat homemade treats.
- Oh.
- Hey, Mom.
Hey, guys.
We need you to plan a field trip to the San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant for 50 kids.
- JACK: Mm-hmm.
- What? No, I don't I don't I don't have time for that.
Oh, don't worry.
You have until Saturday.
Hey, okay Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
You guys want to help me finish up these cake pops? Ah, we would, but Jordan from Premier Noir invited us to his uncle's house for a jam session.
- Oh, well, that's nice.
- DIANE: Mm-hmm.
His uncle is John.
- Right.
- Legend.
- Mm-hmm.
- What? We're going to John Legend's house.
Ah! Cake pops! - Don't give them the - Ah! I hate this.
You're the one that said we needed this community.
- [Sighs.]
- And, Bow, you were right.
You're just saying that because you're in love with your new best friends.
I'm saying it because I see the impact that it's having on our children already.
- Okay.
- Plus, if I play my cards right, I can bring in some new business to Stevens & Lido, and we can get a Sea-Doo.
- A what? - We can be Sea-Doo people! I mean, look at that wave! Uh-huh! Grab my waist! Hold on! Whoo! Aah! Ooh! Mm! So, I went out on a limb and invited Charlie.
I figured, "What's the worst that could happen?" Hey, brothers! Y'all looking good.
Looking like the beginning of a Taye Diggs movie.
Just beautiful.
What the hell have I done? Uh, hey, Charlie, Charlie, hey, man, um I said, uh, we were playing golf at a country club.
Dre, this place is nice.
Don't call it country.
Uh, you must be, Mr.
Telphy.
- Uh - Ah, call me Charlie.
Mr.
Telphy is what I call my son when the rent is due.
[Both chuckle.]
Ah.
Beautiful day for the world's greatest game.
- Uh-huh.
- But we're gonna have to golf because I left my dominos at home.
[Chuckles.]
Okay, all right, well, you know what? I think we're next up on the tee, so, you know, let's get going.
Let's chop this salad.
Oh! Heh.
[Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" plays.]
Don't be shocked by the tone of my voice Okay, so, we didn't get off to the best start.
Check out my new weapon, weapon of choice Yeah Don't be shocked But it turned out Charlie really knew how to golf.
All right! He's on my team.
- Yeah - You can blow with this Or you can blow with that You can blow with this Or you can blow with that You can blow with this - All right, Charlie.
- Or you can blow with Okay, Charlie.
Walk without rhythm And he charmed them like he charms everybody.
Charlie, you're amazing.
You really handed us our asses.
[Chuckles.]
We were just playing for fun.
[Chuckles.]
But the bets were real.
- [Velcro ripping.]
- Now, I accept the three C's cash, credit, cognac.
- [Chuckles.]
- What's up with that cognac, brother? [Chuckles.]
Let's do it.
- Ah.
- Drinking cognac.
I like Charlie.
- [Velcro rips.]
- Great golfer.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
You know, uh good dude.
I think he'd be great for the club.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, come on now, Andre.
Well, he's not exactly Premier Noir material.
What do you mean? You know he's not like us.
He is exactly like us.
Think about what you're saying because you sound elitist as hell right now.
Of course I am.
We're an elite club.
Isn't that what you signed up for? - No.
- Come on, man.
You had a great day golfing, didn't you? - Yeah? - It was all right.
Man, look out there.
Would you rather be here, or at the public course that's patchy like Kevin Durant's hair? I mean, man, you didn't have to go after K.
D.
like that.
Oh, yeah.
No, that was Still, though, you know what I'm saying, man.
We just can't let any person in here.
Hmm.
If you want to be exclusive you got to exclude people.
You get it, right? - I do.
- Good.
I'm sorry.
Can we get But, uh - I don't get down like that.
- Dre So I can't join your club, bro.
Charlie! Go ahead and order that cognac mixed with Dr Pepper! Okay.
So, I know that you love Premier Noir, and I love it for you, too.
I mean, you are making new friends and you are expanding your horizons, you know? But it's a lot for me.
You know, and I know you guys see me as Super-Mom, and I love that so much, but I-I just I-I just got a call to make 100 more cake pops for tomorrow.
It's too much.
So, if you guys want to stay in the club, you know, you're just gonna have to pull a little more weight.
Shut it down.
- What? - It was fun while it lasted.
Mm.
Okay, you guys are staying in Premier Noir, and you're gonna love it and you're gonna take on more responsibility and you're gonna make your stupid friends and expand your dumb horizons and be a part of the frigging community! Do you understand me? - BOTH: Yes.
- Yes, what?! BOTH: Yes, Dr.
Johnson.
Thank you.
Mama is off the clock! I need wine.
Hello.
Oh.
- I have very good news.
- Mm-hmm.
I had a productive talk with the children, and I figured out a way to make Premier Noir work for us.
- Oh.
That's great.
- Mm-hmm.
Because I quit.
What? Dre, I just got the kids to pull their weight.
Okay, so let them stay in.
It'll be good for them.
I just can't take advantage of it.
Is this about Charlie? No.
- It's about me.
- Hmm.
I don't have a problem being a part of an exclusive club, but not if it means excluding my people.
Hmm.
The world is doing so much to keep us out of so many places that I cannot be a part of that, too.
I'm proud of you.
Mm.
You chose principles over a Sea-Doo.
I know.
Huh.
- I'm growing.
- Mm.
- Calm down, Dre.
- What? Let me know when you stop calling Economy Class "steerage.
" I call it the Middle Passage because the seats keep getting smaller.
Uh-huh.
Uh Okay.
They don't serve champagne back there, Marie Antoinette.
They don't even wash their blankets! You know, some of those seats don't even have seatbelts! [Imitating trumpet fanfare.]
Attention, everyone! Important announcement coming.
Pops has big news.
I picked a wedding date.
Oh.
That's great, Pops.
- Okay.
- When is it? Well, uh, turns out, Lynette was waiting for me to step up, get involved, and she was very proud of me for taking the initiative.
Well, my God, do you want us to be there? - Just tell us the date, old man! - Uh May I? Oh, please do.
Pops' and Lynette's magical day is - [Imitating drumroll.]
- Wait for it.
March 15th! - Okay.
- Yay.
- Cool.
- Okay.
- RUBY: Earl? - Yes? You're getting married on our anniversary? Uh-oh.
We started moving on up way before George Jefferson did, and as long as the Black middle class has been around, so have the private organizations they formed to socialize, mobilize, and uplift the race.
There are sororities and fraternities like Alpha Kappa Alpha and Omega Psi Phi, and clubs like the Links, the Boulé, and Jack and Jill.
To be a member of those groups, you had to be a somebody.
But since I grew up a nobody in Compton, these people never looked twice at me.
Which is why it was so surprising when this happened.
Oh.
Somebody's lime dressing's gonna be robust tonight.
- A man who appreciates a shallot.
- Mm-hmm.
Is that for accentuating lamb or veal? Neither.
Making some, uh, tarragon fingerling potatoes.
[Both chuckle.]
There's a place for brothers like us.
"You're invited to join Premier Noir, Incorporated where the Black elite meet"? What? Hey.
Oh, hell no.
Bow, we have a problem.
Dre, you can eat a couple grapes.
You're not gonna get in trouble.
What is [Gasps.]
You got invited to join Premier Noir? - Yes.
- [Chuckles.]
That's crazy! Black social clubs have never been into me, and now that I'm a successful brother with a reusable tote, I'm Premier Noir material? Let's not make this about you, Dre.
This is an opportunity for our kids to be a part of a black community.
I mean, come on, Dre, we don't go to church that much, and we live in an all-White neighborhood Yeah.
and we never manage to get together with that one Black family at the school.
Come on, Amukamuras.
All right, let's hang, all right? We got to do this.
- Mm.
- Come on! - [Chuckles.]
- WOMAN: Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Eh She acts like she's the only doctor at school.
I'm head of Neuro at Cedars.
- And can he talk any louder? - Ey.
You're from Compton.
We get it.
Look, I-I know it's weird for you, but you got to give Premier Noir a chance, Dre.
You could be passing up the opportunity to be a part of a social network of people that are just like you.
Please, they're so superficial.
We have nothing in common.
Dre, you are fresh off of a four-handed massage from a members-only spa.
Uh, come on.
I also had a seaweed body wrap.
So, what's your point? You boujee, Dre.
[Gasps.]
Yeah.
6x05 - Mad and Boujee Original air date October 22, 2019 Bow called me boujee.
Because you are boujee.
- No, I'm not.
- Sure you are.
You, your wife, kids boujee.
Boujee, boujee.
Boujee, boujee, boujee.
I'm sorry.
Um what is a "Boujee"? It's someone who starts to make a little money, and then they think they're better than regular Black folks.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
Well, which part of that is not you, though? None of it, man.
I think a baseball cap can still be formal wear.
Yep.
I have a thousand dollars in a shoe box above the refrigerator in my kitchen.
So, I'm not boujee.
If anything, I'm hood rich.
- Mm-hmm.
- Fascinating.
So So, what is the difference between the two? A-And if you could explain it to me using a Black person whom I respect, like, uh, uh, Kobe Bryant? Boujee.
- Oh, Cardi B? - Hood rich.
Uh, Jay-Z and Beyoncé? W-Well, they started out hood rich, but then turned boujee when they wore matching suits at the Louvre.
Science question um, can one be boujee, but then become hood rich? Ooh.
You know, there's only one person we can think of.
Yeah, yeah.
- BOTH: Mariah Carey.
- Mm.
But she gets a pass because she has a five-octave vocal range, so And those hips.
All of this trouble because Bow wants to join some stupid club! We We We already have all the clubs we need! We're members of the Auto Club! AAA for life! Yay, yay! Damn it! Bow got me all worked up.
You know what? I'm gonna take the rest of the day and buy me a chain.
Um it's 10:15 in the morning, Dre.
He doesn't care.
He's hood rich.
JUNIOR: Hey, Pops Boy, I told you, I don't care what you look like - as an old man.
- No, no, no.
I just wanted to know when your wedding is so I can figure out how hard I need to hit Tinder to find my plus-one.
Well, Lynette hasn't gotten around to picking a date yet, but as soon as she does, I'll let you know.
Wait, I thought you guys were planning the wedding together? RUBY: You don't understand, Junior.
Women don't want men's input for wedding planning.
They're not good at it you know, the way women aren't good at math.
You name me one lady math person.
And don't say "Hidden Figures.
" That was science fiction.
[Chuckles.]
Uh, Pops, I thought you were excited to get married.
I am.
I love Lynette.
I'd marry her on the Titanic or on the Moon.
The wedding itself is just a formality.
It is not.
It is the seed from which your entire marriage will grow, and I'm sure she'd love to have your input.
I'm not so sure, Junior.
Come on, Pops.
Just let me help you give this gift to her.
Okay.
But when it goes poorly disinviting you will be my gift to her.
Well, my gift to her will be wearing a high-necked dress to the ceremony.
[Chuckles.]
Because these girls are gonna upstage your girl.
[Chuckles.]
Believe that.
Nothing's more hood rich than picking up barbecue in a Benz.
So, after I got my chain, that's exactly what I did.
[Chuckles.]
Guess who went to Compton and got some barbecue?! - Whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You got barbecue and we're joining Premier Noir? This is the best day ever.
Okay, what's he talking about? We are not joining Premier Noir.
But it sounds amazing.
She knows, too? Mm-hmm.
Bow, we discussed this.
I know, but they are so excited, Dre, and I got us invited to the new members picnic.
- Why? - So, they're gonna make new friends, and all we have to do is show up.
Okay, I'm sorry she got your hopes up, but we are not joining.
But, Dad, you're always talking about how special it was to be surrounded by Black people growing up.
- [Exhales sharply.]
- We want that.
Yeah, we want to meet kids who look like us.
Mm-hmm.
Kids who love Kendrick Lamar and the Jonas Brothers equally, like we do.
Don't keep us from our people.
Please, Dad.
Let us be part of the Black community.
Fine.
- Ah.
- We'll go.
But no hood barbecue for you.
If you want ribs, order from Chili's.
BOW: Oh, she has beautiful hair.
[Gasps.]
Look at the water.
- DIANE: Ooh, that's pretty.
- It's so pretty.
DRE: Okay.
Black people wearing no-show socks it's unnatural.
- [Sighs.]
- If I see Madras shorts, I'm out of here.
JACK: Oh, look.
They've got a croquet court.
Why can't they play African games? - What? - Like basketball.
Okay, come on, guys.
He's not getting any better.
Let's go.
Okay.
Well, be back in 15 minutes because we're here to dip in and bounce.
Hey, what's up, brother? Hey, man, you got a beer with a horse or a mountain on the can? Coming right up.
[Can opens.]
Oh, hey, hey, I'm not one of them.
- I don't need a glass.
Thank you.
- Dre.
- Mm.
- Good to see you, man.
- So glad you could make it.
- Hey.
- Well, thanks for having us.
- I'll take one of those, too, man.
You know, when I saw you in that farmer's market the other day, I knew I'd seen you before.
Howard man? Yeah.
- School of B, class of '94.
- '96.
- [Chuckles.]
- HU? You know.
- All right, all right.
- All right.
So, wait a second.
'94? Mm-hmm.
Were you there when Diddy freaked out during that finance exam and had to be carried out kicking and screaming? Was I there? I was one of the dudes that had to carry him out.
Come on.
Hey, man, he's heavier than he looks.
- [Chuckles.]
- Dude got dense bones.
Yeah, to think they called the other guy "Biggie.
" [Both laugh.]
Thank you so much.
Looks like our kids have made friends.
Oh.
Hey.
- I'm Shaline.
- Hey.
Rainbow.
Are those your kids? - Yeah.
- Aw, that's amazing.
Oh, my God.
They're having so much fun.
That's great.
That's what Premier Noir is all about.
- Aww.
- Connection.
Yeah, and a little bit of day-drinking, am I right? [Chuckles.]
I'm kidding.
[Chuckles.]
Well, anyway, we're we're in.
Where do I drop them off? Oh, this isn't really a "drop them off" type of organization.
- Oh, okay.
Mm.
- We plan social events community service activities, educational outings - that need parental involvement.
- Mm.
Sounds like a second job with no compensation.
[Chuckles.]
It's a lot of work, but it's worth it for our kids.
[Laughter in distance.]
- All right, here we go, guys.
- Look at that.
I honestly never thought I would see Diane laugh with someone.
[Chuckles.]
Sign me up.
[Laughter.]
My dip-and-bounce turned into a stay-and-chill.
You know, one time, my office had a party at a pool, and they asked me to sign a liability waiver in case I couldn't swim.
Hey, hey, hey.
Can you swim? Of course not, but they didn't know that.
[Laughter.]
You know, I thought I was the only one.
- Mm.
- Hey, oh, you know what? How many of you are the only Black executives at your work? [Exhales sharply.]
- Wow.
- Okay, so you get it? You know, it's like I have to give a Black history lesson - [Groans.]
- to every coworker every other day.
[Laughter.]
Hey, you know what? You guys should do an ad campaign to let them know that they can Yelp "where the best place in Los Angeles to hear jazz is.
" Oh.
Eh I'm sorry, do you do advertising? Yes.
My company's looking for a new firm.
The ad rep at the last one we hired insisted on referring to me as "brother man" every single time we had a meeting.
Hey, look, I can't count how many clients want to call me "Dr.
Dre.
" You know what? - We should talk.
- All right.
See, Dre? Membership has its privileges.
I see.
You are gonna be the newest member, right? Yes, I am.
Yes.
He is.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, brother, for the record, I was wrong about Madras.
You are wearing those shorts.
- [Chuckles.]
- I mean So, I made this calendar of all the possible dates in 2020 and preemptively blacked out all the major holidays, as well as the Super Bowl, March Madness, - and the Triple Crown.
- [Chuckles.]
- Right? - Wow.
- You really do get me, grandson.
- Mm-hmm.
But like I said, this is all a ceremony.
- Anything works for me.
- Okay.
Well, uh, I was thinking the Arboretum, and it looks like they've got an opening in July.
Ugh.
No way.
In that heat? I mean, I don't really care.
I just don't want Lynette to be uncomfortable.
All right.
Well, I'll start looking at hotels.
No, no, it's got to be outdoors, except in disgusting July.
And when was the last Superbloom? Smack in the middle of March Madness, so I guess that's out.
No, no, no.
It's just a couple of games of college basketball.
I can miss those.
This is an important day for my lady, who would also like a cigar-rolling station.
That's what Lynette wants? You damn right that's what she wants.
This wedding is a chance for Lynette to celebrate the love she thought she'd never find, and now that she's thinking about it, she wants to make it a day that she'll never forget.
Wow.
I didn't know this meant so much to her.
It does.
To her.
Again, I could go either way.
Okay, Pops.
Say no more.
I'll call the Cubans.
My man.
What's up, Charlie? Is that a Premier Noir membership pin? Mm.
Yes, it is.
Mm.
- What the hell? - Sorry.
I had to make sure it was really you and not some pod person, because the real Dre would have never joined some boujee Black social club.
I changed my mind.
Hmm.
I'll [bleep.]
you up, Charlie.
Okay, it really is you.
Sit down.
Charlie I know what you're thinking.
Man, but everybody was cool.
Mm.
Look, man, there were so many professionals.
Charlie, it's worth doing it just to boost your career.
They boosting brothers? Yes, Charlie.
Until I got there, I didn't realize what it felt to have that kind of support, and my kids felt it, too, Charlie.
They made new friends.
What? Black ones.
[Voice breaking.]
That sounds great.
Sign me up.
- Sign you up? - [Chuckling.]
Yeah.
[Both laugh.]
No, really, really, really.
Seriously, sign me up.
Ah, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Uh [Sniffs.]
I'll ask around.
Yeah.
Dre, he's your friend.
Just bring him along.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Will it? - Yeah.
Come on, babe.
It's Charlie, all right? I don't think he's gonna fit in.
You didn't think you would fit in, and look at you now.
You're having the time of your life, Dre, and you're talking about your new friends like a little schoolgirl.
That's because Harold is interesting, Bow.
Did you know his grandfather was a Pip? - Really? - A Pip, Bow! Whoo, whoo! Fine, okay? A couple of us are going to golf tomorrow.
- Maybe I'll bring Charlie along.
- There you go.
I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself, because I am being run ragged, Dre.
I have to be back at the hospital in an hour, and I have 50 more of these cake pops to make so I can give them to the kids so they can bring them to the Youth Summit.
Okay, babe? Why don't you just buy some? Because, Dre, according to the by-laws, young, gifted, and Black children can only eat homemade treats.
- Oh.
- Hey, Mom.
Hey, guys.
We need you to plan a field trip to the San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant for 50 kids.
- JACK: Mm-hmm.
- What? No, I don't I don't I don't have time for that.
Oh, don't worry.
You have until Saturday.
Hey, okay Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
You guys want to help me finish up these cake pops? Ah, we would, but Jordan from Premier Noir invited us to his uncle's house for a jam session.
- Oh, well, that's nice.
- DIANE: Mm-hmm.
His uncle is John.
- Right.
- Legend.
- Mm-hmm.
- What? We're going to John Legend's house.
Ah! Cake pops! - Don't give them the - Ah! I hate this.
You're the one that said we needed this community.
- [Sighs.]
- And, Bow, you were right.
You're just saying that because you're in love with your new best friends.
I'm saying it because I see the impact that it's having on our children already.
- Okay.
- Plus, if I play my cards right, I can bring in some new business to Stevens & Lido, and we can get a Sea-Doo.
- A what? - We can be Sea-Doo people! I mean, look at that wave! Uh-huh! Grab my waist! Hold on! Whoo! Aah! Ooh! Mm! So, I went out on a limb and invited Charlie.
I figured, "What's the worst that could happen?" Hey, brothers! Y'all looking good.
Looking like the beginning of a Taye Diggs movie.
Just beautiful.
What the hell have I done? Uh, hey, Charlie, Charlie, hey, man, um I said, uh, we were playing golf at a country club.
Dre, this place is nice.
Don't call it country.
Uh, you must be, Mr.
Telphy.
- Uh - Ah, call me Charlie.
Mr.
Telphy is what I call my son when the rent is due.
[Both chuckle.]
Ah.
Beautiful day for the world's greatest game.
- Uh-huh.
- But we're gonna have to golf because I left my dominos at home.
[Chuckles.]
Okay, all right, well, you know what? I think we're next up on the tee, so, you know, let's get going.
Let's chop this salad.
Oh! Heh.
[Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" plays.]
Don't be shocked by the tone of my voice Okay, so, we didn't get off to the best start.
Check out my new weapon, weapon of choice Yeah Don't be shocked But it turned out Charlie really knew how to golf.
All right! He's on my team.
- Yeah - You can blow with this Or you can blow with that You can blow with this Or you can blow with that You can blow with this - All right, Charlie.
- Or you can blow with Okay, Charlie.
Walk without rhythm And he charmed them like he charms everybody.
Charlie, you're amazing.
You really handed us our asses.
[Chuckles.]
We were just playing for fun.
[Chuckles.]
But the bets were real.
- [Velcro ripping.]
- Now, I accept the three C's cash, credit, cognac.
- [Chuckles.]
- What's up with that cognac, brother? [Chuckles.]
Let's do it.
- Ah.
- Drinking cognac.
I like Charlie.
- [Velcro rips.]
- Great golfer.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
You know, uh good dude.
I think he'd be great for the club.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, come on now, Andre.
Well, he's not exactly Premier Noir material.
What do you mean? You know he's not like us.
He is exactly like us.
Think about what you're saying because you sound elitist as hell right now.
Of course I am.
We're an elite club.
Isn't that what you signed up for? - No.
- Come on, man.
You had a great day golfing, didn't you? - Yeah? - It was all right.
Man, look out there.
Would you rather be here, or at the public course that's patchy like Kevin Durant's hair? I mean, man, you didn't have to go after K.
D.
like that.
Oh, yeah.
No, that was Still, though, you know what I'm saying, man.
We just can't let any person in here.
Hmm.
If you want to be exclusive you got to exclude people.
You get it, right? - I do.
- Good.
I'm sorry.
Can we get But, uh - I don't get down like that.
- Dre So I can't join your club, bro.
Charlie! Go ahead and order that cognac mixed with Dr Pepper! Okay.
So, I know that you love Premier Noir, and I love it for you, too.
I mean, you are making new friends and you are expanding your horizons, you know? But it's a lot for me.
You know, and I know you guys see me as Super-Mom, and I love that so much, but I-I just I-I just got a call to make 100 more cake pops for tomorrow.
It's too much.
So, if you guys want to stay in the club, you know, you're just gonna have to pull a little more weight.
Shut it down.
- What? - It was fun while it lasted.
Mm.
Okay, you guys are staying in Premier Noir, and you're gonna love it and you're gonna take on more responsibility and you're gonna make your stupid friends and expand your dumb horizons and be a part of the frigging community! Do you understand me? - BOTH: Yes.
- Yes, what?! BOTH: Yes, Dr.
Johnson.
Thank you.
Mama is off the clock! I need wine.
Hello.
Oh.
- I have very good news.
- Mm-hmm.
I had a productive talk with the children, and I figured out a way to make Premier Noir work for us.
- Oh.
That's great.
- Mm-hmm.
Because I quit.
What? Dre, I just got the kids to pull their weight.
Okay, so let them stay in.
It'll be good for them.
I just can't take advantage of it.
Is this about Charlie? No.
- It's about me.
- Hmm.
I don't have a problem being a part of an exclusive club, but not if it means excluding my people.
Hmm.
The world is doing so much to keep us out of so many places that I cannot be a part of that, too.
I'm proud of you.
Mm.
You chose principles over a Sea-Doo.
I know.
Huh.
- I'm growing.
- Mm.
- Calm down, Dre.
- What? Let me know when you stop calling Economy Class "steerage.
" I call it the Middle Passage because the seats keep getting smaller.
Uh-huh.
Uh Okay.
They don't serve champagne back there, Marie Antoinette.
They don't even wash their blankets! You know, some of those seats don't even have seatbelts! [Imitating trumpet fanfare.]
Attention, everyone! Important announcement coming.
Pops has big news.
I picked a wedding date.
Oh.
That's great, Pops.
- Okay.
- When is it? Well, uh, turns out, Lynette was waiting for me to step up, get involved, and she was very proud of me for taking the initiative.
Well, my God, do you want us to be there? - Just tell us the date, old man! - Uh May I? Oh, please do.
Pops' and Lynette's magical day is - [Imitating drumroll.]
- Wait for it.
March 15th! - Okay.
- Yay.
- Cool.
- Okay.
- RUBY: Earl? - Yes? You're getting married on our anniversary? Uh-oh.