iCarly s06e05 Episode Script

So, I was thinking, to close the show, instead of random dancing.
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- Yeah.
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- We could try random scratching, and then maybe Freddie could.
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Yeah! Oh! Done! Woo! I say.
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It's done! Woo! Come on, ask me about it.
Oh, we can see you made a Snow Man.
Uh, it's a Snow woman.
Gah.
Can't you see her Snow boobies? That's how you know that it's a Snow.
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Dang it! I can fix that.
Wait.
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Aw.
.
Yeah.
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Ah.
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Hey, hey, guess what? I started using deodorant.
But I can't decide which scent I like best.
So, under my right arm I used "Ocean Breeze".
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And under my left, I used "Summer Swagger".
- Carly.
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Which one smells best? - Hey.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, Gibby.
- No, no, Gibby.
- Okay.
.
All right.
- Gibby.
- All right.
- That's the Ocean Breeze.
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- Take a good sniff.
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- Good, good.
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All right.
- I'd stop this if it wasn't hilarious.
- Let go.
- Now, try the left.
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- Let's go.
- Ah! Okay, that's the Summer Swagger.
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- Breathe it in deep.
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- Let go.
Let go.
So, which one you like best? Probably the Ocean Breeze.
I knew it! Hey.
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Is that a Snow Lady? Straight up.
I think one of her boobies might have.
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Yeah, I know about it! Okay.
Hello good people I just thought you guys might like some Pears.
Pear for you, Pear for you, Pear for you.
I'm wearing deodorant.
So why the Pears? Because this Freddie just got himself a job working at.
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The Pear Store.
- Cool! - You're selling computers? Yep! Ipears, Pearbooks, Pear Phones, Pear Pads, Pear-Port Extremes, and all other Pear related products and accessories.
I love products and accessories! - Do we get a discount? - I do.
You do not.
Hey Gib.
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Why don't you see which deodorant Freddie likes best? Ooh, yeah! What do you mean which deodorant I like best? - Oh! Gibby.
- Oh, all right.
Okay.
- Gibby.
- Good.
All right.
- Just breathe me in.
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- Come on, breathe Gibby.
.
There.
I fixed her.
And check this out.
Her nose lights up! - No! - Ah! What?! Aw! I'll call the Fire Department.
I'll disable the smoke alarm.
Aw.
In 5, 4, 3, 2.
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Uh, Chief Donker.
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Don't talk to me.
I tried so hard to put the fire out myself, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger and.
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What are you doing? Why are you.
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You're pushing me.
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I.
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Oh.
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What is he.
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Ah! I see it.
Okay.
Chief Donker.
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We really appreciate.
You coming here.
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Again.
Thanks.
You're a nice girl.
I'll miss you.
Yeah, well.
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Wait, what do you mean you'll "miss me"? I mean the Fire Department is done with you people.
Done? I don't understand.
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- Get back down.
- Ah! Um, can you explain.
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You know how many times, your brother has accidentally started fires? I don't know.
Many.
Eighteen! Seventeen.
What about this one?! Oh, yeah, 18 if you count this one.
Come on everybody, we're done here.
- But.
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- Forever.
But you're the Fire Department! You can't not come here if we have a fire! You watch us not come here.
No, but.
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Would you.
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No just please, what.
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I'm an honor student.
- Get back down! - Aw! - You see, this has a 15-inch screen, dual-hemi processor, and it's got the quadra-port speed drive which is like ultra state of the art.
I want a blue one.
Well, don't you wanna know about the speed and how much memory it has.
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Eh.
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Eh.
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I want a blue one.
We'll getcha a blue one.
Ah.
Oh.
I'm telling you, it makes no sense.
Gibby.
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Boys' bikes should be the ones without the bar.
Ah.
Oh, look! There's Freddie.
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That's so cute.
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He's like a little man with a job.
Yep.
Ha.
Hey.
Hey! Quit chewing on your tongue.
Okay, I'm gonna go get my laptop fixed.
You take Gibby and help him buy a new case for his phone.
Okay, you can pick up your new Pearbook right over there at that counter.
I just wanna buy some ear buds.
But you said you wanted a blue Pearbook! Now I just want ear buds.
Over there.
- Do they come in blue? - Yes! Yes.
Hey there, little computer salesman.
Hey.
- How's the job going? - Oh, I am killing it.
Aw.
You're like a happy little nerd who's found his home.
These are my people.
So.
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My laptop's been acting up.
Little help? Yeah.
Okay, when you say "acting up," do you think it's a software problem? Like is it like crashing or freezing or is it.
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- Shh shh.
Cute guy.
Gimme that back.
- Oh, no, no.
I can fix it.
- Well, he can fix it cuter.
- Well, I can.
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Hey, can you help me? - No one else is available.
- Sure.
Awesome.
I just need a cool case for my phone.
His embarrassing two-year-old phone.
Oh, that two-g is still a whiz-bang phone.
Just trust ol' Woody, and I'll set you up with a fine new case.
- Just toss that antique in the trash.
- No! Nah! Please, I make two bucks on every case, and I haven't sold anything today.
My girlfriend says that if I don't start making some dough, she's gonna dump me and date my brother, Bob.
So please buy a new case.
Bob always wins.
Okay, this is pathetic.
So.
.
So.
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Yeah? Whatcha doing tomorrow night? There's a Doctor Who Marathon on TV.
And? I'm gonna watch it.
Oh, well, I wouldn't mind watching a little Doctor foo.
Who.
Me.
No.
Doctor Who.
I dunno, you brought it up.
I'm confused.
Well.
.
Maybe that's because you don't have a girlfriend.
Wait, why is this new model better than the old model? Because this new laptop has the dual-hemi processor, which gives you a lot of speed for number crunching or rendering videos.
What do you do? When? Do you have a job? Yeah.
Wait, no.
Well uh, both of these computers will do more than you need, so I'd recommend the Pearbook classic.
Okay, but wait, what if I wanna.
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Oh, man, just get the new one.
Sam, don't interfere with my.
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Why should I get the new one? Why shouldn't you? Okay, I'll get the new one.
What? But.
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Don't you.
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Okay.
How'd you get so smart about computers? She's not smart about comp.
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Hey, no beverages in the store.
- This is a smoothie.
- Which is a beverage.
Which is a beverage.
- Sam, I swear.
If you get me in troub.
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- Excuse me Who are you? Who's asking? This is Natalie.
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My boss.
My boss.
This is Sam.
I told her beverages weren't allowed in.
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May I speak to you, Sam? I don't care.
Ha-ha! Now, she's in trouble.
Serves her right.
What is a beverage? Come in.
Hey.
Well, well.
Look who it is.
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A person we hate.
Somebody order a jerk? Yeah, he is a jerk.
Would a jerk.
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Bring you guys brownies? Mm-mm brownies.
You got brownies? Yep.
And an apology.
We're listening.
I'm sorry for all the times I've made you guys come to my place to put out fires.
But they were accidents.
All 18? Yes.
I promise, I'm gonna try extra hard to be careful from now on.
So please.
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If my little sister or I call for help, I need to know that.
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We can count on this Fire Department.
What kind of brownies? Fudge nut.
You really wanna make things right between you and this Fire Department? I do.
Are you willing to learn what it's like for us to do our jobs? Well.
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I was kinda hoping the brownies would be enough.
- Get outta here! - Okay, okay.
Just.
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What do you want from me? You spend a whole week working here.
Working?! - For free.
- Aw! Ah! Okay.
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If I do that, then we'll be all good? You'll come to our next fire? Sure.
- Yeah.
- Deal.
Okay then.
And you still gotta give us those brownies.
Oh yeah, sure here.
Why are these all burnt? There was a small fire.
That's uh.
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That's a real hum-dinger of a case there.
You want ol' Woody's opinion? I say.
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Buy that case.
Yeah I don't know.
Dang-gone-it kid! You've looked at 14 cases so far.
Look, if your too busy I'll just be on my way.
Uh, no no.
No.
You take your time.
Thank you.
Hey Gib, find a good case? Back off! I got this one! - Dude.
Hey.
- What's up? I have been talking to that nerdy cute sales boy for 20 minutes.
And he has no clue that I'm flirting with him.
And I've been flirting my butt off.
What do you want me to do about it? You're a nerd give me advice.
I will not help you flirt with some g.
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Ha! What is.
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Mama got a job.
How di.
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But y.
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How could you.
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You wanna finish any of those sentences or? Natalie! Hey uh, excuse me.
But um.
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You didn't really give her a job here, did you?! Sam? Yeah why? Oh no, no, bad.
She's great with customers.
She really connects with people.
No.
No, she hates people.
And she has violent tendencies.
Did you check her prison record? She's got a prison record.
- Freddie.
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- I mean, how.
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Hey Nat.
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Hi Sam.
See that outta-shape dude over there? Uh-huh.
He came in to buy a thumb drive.
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I sold him two laptops and a Pear Phone.
- Nice! - Mm! I even got him to buy the extended warranty.
Ha! What an idiot! Right? And what have you sold today? Uh ya know.
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A uh.
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Pair of ear buds.
Nah? No.
So.
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See anything wrong with it? I'm not sure yet.
Okay.
Well, keep checking.
I really need that laptop fixed.
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Especially since I have no boyfriend.
And nothing to do tomorrow night.
- Hey.
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- Yeah? Did you get the extended warranty? I don't know! That's a sharp case.
Perfect for a fella like you.
Oh God.
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Please buy it.
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Will ya buy it? I dunno.
It's cool.
But does it really say "Gibbehh".
I don't know what that means! - You all right, dude? - Not really! Buy the case! Okay, listen! What's up? I think you're cute, and you're obviously smart, and you seem harmless.
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So I'd like to hang out with you.
Unless you think I'm disgusting or something.
Oh.
No uh.
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I didn't realize.
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I.
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Look, I'm just really shy with girls.
Maybe we can fix that.
Eh? Eh? Huh? Just come over to my place tomorrow night.
We'll watch your "Doctor foo" show, or Battlestar Connecticut.
Whatever you want.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Okay.
I think I'll take this one.
Great! Ah, terrific.
Huh.
That'll be twenty-two ninety-five.
Wait.
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I didn't bring any money.
Aw! Ah! Ah! Ah! Hey Shay.
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Where's our food? I thought you were making us some chili.
I am.
I'm just fixing this knob so it won't stick any more.
Just bring us our chili.
Yes Sir.
All fixed.
Hey, Shay, what'd you do with our fire extinguishers? Oh, I thought they looked so boring so I painted them.
Now they have stripes.
Well uh.
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Where are they? They're out in the parking lot.
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The paint will dry faster out there.
Will ya just bring us the dang chili? Sure will.
Huh.
Just gimme two minutes.
What's wrong with this guy? Ow! Ah! You smell something burning? No.
Ah! Ah! - Fire! - Ah! Get the extinguishers! They're gone! Okay, everybody out! Everybody out, go, go, go! Go to the door.
Go.
The door won't open! I thought you fixed the doorknob! So I'm not good with knobs! Hurry, get this open! Okay, do you guys want chili or not?!?! Hurry! Open it! Open the door! Hurry up! Go! So this is where you make iCarly? Yep.
And the TV is all set, so we can hang out and watch whatever you want.
Okay.
Here.
.
I'll go get us some caramel corn, okay? Ooh, I like caramel corn.
Back in a sec.
Okay.
Okay.
.
So how'd it go at the Fire Department? We're on our own.
You started a fire at the Fire Department? Well.
.
Yeah.
Oh, is that caramel corn? Yes and you can't have any.
I have a cute boy upstairs.
So if you'll excuse me.
Ah.
Ah.
Oh yeah.
.
Ah.
Oh.
Ah.
Wh.
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What happened? Uh, Trey?! Hey pretty lady.
Pretty.
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What?! Wh.
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What is all this?! You, little girl, have an all access pass.
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To club Trey.
What th.
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Okay, Mister.
I think you better just get back on the Booty bus and go home.
After we kiss.
Oh, I think not! Fresh! Uh.
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What's the matter with you? What happened to your nerdiness? Spencer! Spencer! A boy's trying to kiss me! Spencer! Spencer! Yeah? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on?! He tried to put his lips on my face! Her! Face?! She.
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She said.
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Ow.
Carly, please get the door.
Well, thanks for coming by, whoever you are.
I hope my foot doesn't hurt your butt when I do this.
Whoa! Hey! I dropped my cell phone in there.
Oh! Oh, you did! Yeah.
Okay, let me get it for you! Hang on one second! Okay.
.
Don't go anywhere.
Here it is! All right, I got it.
Oh, this is a nice one.
Oh, you didn't put a case on it, did you see? What if I wanna do email? I uh.
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I just said this one's good for email.
Can I talk to the blonde sales girl? She's better than you.
Sam! Get over here and help this moro.
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Lady! Sorry, I'm writing up an employee review.
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Of you.
No, no, no, no.
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You can't do that.
Only supervisors can write employee reviews.
I am a supervisor.
I gave Sam a promotion.
Wh.
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Sam's my boss now?! Yep.
Back to work, Fred-bag.
No! This is wrong! I am a computer expert! I know so much! We sorta dated for a while.
She.
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She is lazy, and a criminal, and a nuisance, and she has terrible table manners! He's still in love with me.
It's kinda sad.
And if you think that she is a good employee who deserves to be my boss, then you, my friend, are a terrible manager, and you don't deserve to have me work here! Okay you're fired.
But.
.
How.
.
Fine.
I'll leave.
But I am keeping this Pear Store shirt.
- Kevin, get the shirt.
- Kevin, come on, you're my friend, don't.
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Don't take the shirt! Kevin! Kevin, I shared my sandwich with you that one time! Kevin.
This isn't over! Why, what's left? Da.
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Nothing, it's over.
Dude.
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Don't ya think you were a little rough on him? Nah, who cares? Yeah.
I'll be right back.
I'll never see you again, will I? Nope.