Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s06e05 Episode Script
Brotherly Love
[ .]
You're gonna love it.
It's like lawn darts meets kickboxing, But blindfolded.
I don't know if I want to face you in a game that you've been playing since you were a boy.
It would be like me challenging you to a game of "rock, paper, orison".
No, but this is the game of Thornes.
You're gonna love it! Hey, hey, little brother.
- Charles? - Billy.
How's the family? Uh Dad's still drunk, Mom's still dead.
Well, now that we're all caught up, uh, look, I don't know who you're here to torment, but it's not gonna be me, OK? Hey, hey, come on! Don't be like that! I came to see you, man.
- Really? Me? - Yeah.
OK, full disclosure, no.
I came to audit the town.
But I took the gig 'cause it's your town.
The audit's gonna take maybe an afternoon, then it's you and me, - just like old times.
- Yeah, old times.
Yeah, I don't want any part of that.
Goodbye.
- Hey, I love you.
- I hate you.
It's gonna take me a week just to start this audit.
- Not if we help you.
- Which we are not obliged to do.
I mean, silk teddies, thongs, batteries Lots of batteries.
- How is any of this work-related? - Wouldn't you like to know.
[ .]
You know, ma'am, you may think that you're above the law, but I am here to stop you, and you will feel my wrath come next election.
Well, the joke's on you - We don't have elections.
- Yeah.
Oh, you're good.
[ .]
Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E05 Brotherly Love What's the occasion? No occasion.
I just thought we've got all this fine china and good crystal; why not use it? - But it's for company.
- We never have company.
Someday in the future.
- You're afraid.
- I am not! You're not a real married couple until you have your first dinner party, and I just don't want to rush into it.
We are a real married couple, and we're having one tonight.
Mmm OK, but who are we gonna invite? - I was thinking Baber, Nate - I don't want Baber, Nate or - Both: Fred.
- What about Thorne? OK, one person's not a dinner party, though.
- We can invite your mother.
- OK.
- What about Ann? - Fine.
Houston, we have a dinner party! You meet a smart, handsome, age-appropriate stranger and he turns out to be the devil incarnate.
- I thought you liked the devil.
- Devils who ride Harleys, not ones who threaten to dethrone you.
Where is Charles? He said he'd be here at 10.
He said something about seeing his brother.
Well, he'll be here soon.
Let's deal with these files.
Yes, let's.
I'll get the matches.
Ann! This is serious.
How I spend the tax payers' money is none of the government's beeswax.
Ha! You look a little lost.
Oh, hey.
No, uh, I'm not lost, I'm just, uh, strategising, I guess.
Oh, I love strategising.
Can I help? I'm Amaar Rashid.
Oh, hey.
Charles Thorne.
Charles Thorne! You must be, uh Yeah, yeah.
Billy's big brother.
Wow! Who knew the Rev had a brother? Yeah, I I'm just trying to get some face time with him, but he's been avoiding me.
He's never mentioned me? - Uh, no.
- Not even once? Well, in his defence, I do tune him out a lot.
That's all right.
You don't have to cover for him.
- Billy hates me.
- I'm sure he doesn't hate you! Do you know what the last thing he said to me was? - What? - "I hate you.
" Oh.
Uh well, how's this for strategising? I was just gonna invite your brother over for dinner tonight.
Why don't you come along? Oh, thank you, no.
I wouldn't want to intrude.
Well, you could, uh, just be lost and looking for directions.
What, at the house that he just happens to be at? - Just - But you're inviting me, right? And, and, uh, yeah.
Yeah, no, I accept.
Thank you.
Good strategising.
That's great.
Uh, any food allergies? Well, just anything ethnic.
I'm kidding! Or am I? Yes, I'm kidding.
Oh.
So, what on earth happened between you and your brother? He's a serial obsessionist.
- What? - When my family first adopted me, I was Charles' obsession, and it was great! We were together 24/7, and he was the best friend I ever had.
And then he ordered Sea-Monkeys and then he barely spoke to me for a year.
OK, aren't you being a tad oversensitive? No! No.
Ugh, you sound like my mother, God rest her soul.
[Irish accent.]
: "You shouldn't be blaming your " "Abandonment issues on your wee brother.
" She wasn't even Irish.
The point is she always liked him best.
- Yeah, but you're grown up now.
- No, he's not.
No, no, no.
If he's here, he's just in between obsessions.
He's gonna use me and then throw me away Just like he did when we were kids.
Look, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but your brother may be coming to dinner tonight.
If he's coming, I rescind my acceptance of your invitation.
Fine.
Don't come for dinner.
- But I'm cooking French food.
- Mon dieu! You can't cook français! That's like the top of the culinary montagne.
People change.
Charles might have too.
You did.
Yes, yes, I did.
I am vastly more tolerant of others who are inferior to me except Charles.
All right, fine.
If you don't come and your brother does, then we get his side of the story uncontested.
So be it.
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
That's not fair.
There's only one way to fix that, my friend.
Fine! I'll be there.
I will see you plus tard.
- What did you call me? - It means "later".
Français? Later.
Charles: Know what I'd love? I would love if you told me that this mess of a filing system is a joke so I could leave this one-horse town.
Hey, hey, hey, we've been horse-free since the glue factory opened in Odena.
[ Laughing .]
Sorry.
What's that? Um, accounts payable, 2009.
He's so smart and handsome, let him figure it out.
Smart enough to know how much Alexander Brown costs? Handsome enough to wear it? The town never buys my luggage there.
Or my handbags.
Or that leather ottoman that's in your living room.
What, am I supposed to just let my legs dangle Like some common commoner? OK, enough small talk.
I want to start January 2009.
- Give me everything you've got.
- We'll help you as much as we can.
- Over my dead body.
- I heard that.
Jerk.
That IS good soup.
Mmm.
Check out these recipes I found on "la internet".
Oooh.
[ She gasps .]
- Four courses? Are you crazy? - Crazy about classic cuisine.
Do you really think you should cook something you've never cooked before? It'll be fun! It'll be like that lady - In the Julia Child movie.
- Isn't it a little bit risky? No, it will be a delightful, light-hearted romp with some genius comic performances.
Movie reviews aside, What about the two feuding Thorne brothers? They will be best friends by the end of the appetizers.
Fatima, you're a good cook.
If you forgot your wallet, just say so.
If you were having company over, Would you cook something you'd never cooked before? Yes, I would.
And when I screw it up, it's tomorrow's soup.
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, Mom.
I'm just rushing off to work.
Well, I'll see you later at your big dinner party.
Oh, yeah.
Why are we buying coffee for that horrible, horrible - Nightmare of a handsome man? - I had to get you out of there.
You were mighty close to him with that stapler.
You know, I wish we had a hole punch, Because I would have punched a hole in his handsome face.
That's another thing: why do you keep saying the word "handsome"? Just what are you insinuating? I hate that irresistible monster! Well, maybe you should just ignore him.
He'll go away faster.
It works with wasps.
Not necessarily.
On the other hand, with Mediterranean men - I mean real wasps.
- They are the smallest tippers.
- Three coffees, please.
- We tip.
Something smells delicious! What is it? - It's coq au vin à la Muslim.
- You made that up.
I used turkey bacon instead of real bacon, and I used grape juice instead of wine.
- That sounds halal awful.
- You know what? Prepare to eat your words.
Take a taste of this.
Wow! That's actually amazing! Don't sound so surprised! I've been working my bugs off all afternoon.
- Let me do something.
- You can be the taker-outer.
So, why don't you take out these appetizers in five minutes and why don't you take out this dessert in half an hour? Appetizers: 7:10.
Desserts: 7:35.
Consider them taken out.
[ Doorbell .]
We begin.
Ah, hello, stranger.
- I am here to ask for directions.
- Aha.
Relax, it's OK.
Besides, I already told him you're coming.
Darn it.
Practising that line for hours.
Was I convincing? Sure.
Charles, I want you to meet my wife, Rayyan.
Hello, Charles.
I've heard so much about you.
- Ah.
All good, I hope.
- Not if she heard it from me.
- Hey! Billy! - Don't don't call me that.
- I always called you Billy.
- Well, it's William now, or Reverend, or don't talk to me at all.
Hello, friends.
Guys.
Why don't you have a seat? Can we get you something to drink? - Better have a Scotch.
- They're Muslim.
Well, in that case, make it a double.
Just kidding.
Or am I? Yeah, I'm kidding, again.
- I'll get you a juice.
- Can I help you with anything? - No, no.
Sit, sit.
Chat.
- I can clean the bathroom.
Anything.
[ Charles clears his throat .]
So, what happened - to your latest obsession? - Oh, we got engaged.
Nice! Yeah.
And then you got bored, tossed her away, and came to see me? No! No, we're still engaged.
- I can show you pictures.
- Yeah, easily Photo-shopped.
No, we met speed skating on a canal.
- Speed skating? - OK, I was speed dating.
The point is we're still engaged, and yet I am here to visit you.
I'm telling you, bro, I've changed.
I've learned how to multitask.
- Rayyan: Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Amaar: Reverend.
- Thanks.
Well, all right.
I I suppose that it's it's possible.
Maybe.
[ Doorbell .]
- It's good to see you.
- You too, man.
Hi, Mom! Hi, Ann! Have you met Charles? - Spare me the second introduction.
- Yeah, we know each other.
- He's auditing me.
- I think they sort of hate each other.
All the guests at my party hate each other.
I don't hate anyone.
- I'll get some juice! - Yeah.
That mayor of yours is a piece of work, isn't she? I think I saw a switchblade in her purse.
It's a corkscrew.
- Can we just go? - No.
Make an effort.
- For the sake of your eternal financial soul.
- Oh! Uh My, oh, my.
Well, hello to you.
- Thank you.
- There we go, but I do have something for us.
- Hello.
- Hello! [ Laughing .]
Hello! [ Thorne laughing .]
Cheers.
Charles? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! [ Anne and Charles laughing quietly .]
Look at him over there, laughing, canoodling, Claiming that he's changed.
You know, if he had a superpower, it would be abandoning poor, helpless, younger brothers in the blink of an eye.
- He sounds more like a super villain.
- You've got that right, Sarah.
You've got that right.
The appetizers! Oh, gosh.
Oh, gosh.
Ooh! Ah Hot! Well, at least they're not burnt.
Oh, and I adore Venice.
Especially the gondoliers.
[ They chuckle .]
Cheers.
- And it's so romantic.
- So is Paris.
Mmm! And all the stinky cheese, and the stinky people.
- And then, of course, all the art.
- Oh! And the churches.
But it's the sex romance that, uh, stays with you.
Well, "romance" makes the world go round, doesn't it? What are these? They smell delicious.
Uh, gougères, French cheese puffs.
But that's weird.
They're not very puffy.
They look good to me.
Uh, no.
They were supposed to look like the picture puffy.
Oh, I think that's just the angle.
Well, now, I thought you were all about the numbers.
I am.
And you are one hot little number.
[ Charles chuckling .]
Then why don't we get out of here, go back to my place? Oh, I wouldn't waste a one-night stand on you.
No, no, no you on a one-night stand.
I wouldn't waste you on a Oh! - Well, let's serve them.
- Oh! I'll take these.
- You look at the coq au vin.
- OK.
All right, coq au vin.
Looking good.
Who says it has to be just one night? [ Footsteps .]
Cheese puff? They're called gougères.
They're French.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Shouldn't it be more What's the word I'm looking for Puffy? Maybe.
Amaar made them.
- Anything? - Mm-mm.
[ Amaar whistling .]
Amaar! Oh, God.
I got it! Oh, no.
My coq au vin.
It's destroyed.
It was the best thing - I ever cooked.
- I'm so sorry.
- Now it's full of poison.
- Maybe we can eat around it.
No.
I think it's time for your famous ketchup sandwiches.
No, Amaar, no.
This is supposed to be our rite-of-passage dinner party, and we are not gonna eat ketchup sandwiches just because we poisoned our dinner.
For the record, YOU poisoned the dinner.
I know what happened.
I was there.
[ He sighs .]
- What are you doing, Rayyan? - I'm calling Fatima.
Sarah! Did you hear what he said? He wouldn't waste me on a one-night stand.
- I think he likes me.
- Great.
Maybe he'll go easy on the audit.
I don't care about the audit! Bless the audit! Bring on the audit! - What's gotten into you? - I feel so alive.
Hey, "abandoneer".
You've humiliated me again.
Are you happy? Yeah.
Yeah, I haven't been this happy in years.
Salad, anyone? - Yes! - Of course, everyone knows that the authentic French way is to finish with salad, but But who cares about authenticity as long as it tastes good? Exactly, so let's sit - and eat salade.
- Doesn't this look wonderful! - It's salad.
- Yes, yes, salad.
With authentic French balsamic vinaigrette from France.
Slow down.
It's not a race.
Remember, this is dining; it's not eating.
[ Doorbell .]
I'll get that.
- That's probably Fat - Fr Franc! Fat Frank! Fat Frank is the neighbour's kid.
He's selling chocolates door to door.
He's fat.
We're nice to him, though.
He's got a lot of self-esteem issues, And people can be really mean.
Let's go say hi to our friend.
Ignore us.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Salad, salad.
Eaty! Oh, you got here so fast.
Thank you! - You can thank me with $50.
- Fifty? Extra 20% for emergencies, plus delivery.
Rayyan, we can't pretend we made this.
- Yes, we can.
- Extra 20 for taking credit.
Let me do this, OK? I ruined your delicious French food.
You wanted it to be perfect.
It's just a little white lie.
White lies are extra.
Thank you! You're a lifesaver.
- Here.
- OK, uh, You go through the bedroom, I'll go straight, and I'll cover for you.
- Dinner's here! - Ready! It's ready! I thought we were having coq au vin.
- So did I.
- Well, we were.
But the coq au cried out for a little zest, - so we went with the curry.
- And you added a goat? It was le chevre, right? Very French.
Is there anything you don't know? Oh, I'm sure you could teach me a thing or two.
You can't fool us, Amaar.
you got this recipe from Fatima.
Oh, you might say I got that dish directly from Fatima.
Ha! Ha! That's ridiculous, Amaar.
Stop it! Seriously, stop.
[ Chuckling .]
We were wrong about my brother.
What do you mean? He's been trying hard all night.
Yeah, to woo his new obsession.
Look at him.
It's like I'm not even in the room.
Here, watch this.
Hey, Charles, I'm considering a sex change.
You got it, kiddo.
- See? - Yeah, that was pretty bad.
Yeah, and I have had enough of this! Yeah, you! Yeah, you really had me going there, Charles.
Coming in here bragging about your speed skating and multitasking and your fiancée! Fiancée? We've only just I do! No, he's not proposing; he's engaged to somebody else! Please tell me you're not engaged, and that your no-good trouble-making brother is making trouble for no good reason! I am not.
He's lying.
Or is he? No.
No, he's not really lying.
I am engaged.
- You're engaged? - Yeah, sorry.
You think I haven't changed? You're the one that hasn't changed, buddy! You're still ruining everything! - I'm just getting warmed up.
- Really? Then why don't we take it outside? Guys, guys, we don't have to do this.
- There's still dessert.
- Yeah, dessert! - Oh, dessert! - Are you kidding me? Yeah, well, we Thornes settle this like men! Unless, of course, you've gone a little soft, Reverend! I have not gotten soft! - Let's do it! - Yeah? Wh uh - Where's outside?! - There.
Come on! [ Thorne and Charles grunting .]
- Ow! - Ah! Ha! Didn't see that one coming, did you, Billy? - Damn you! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Come on.
[ Grunting .]
Ah! Eat that shuttlecock! I don't understand them.
Well, that shuttlecock is the white feathery thing.
- It's also called the birdie.
- No, I get that.
- I mean, they're totally insane.
- Oh, that's clear.
[ Laughing .]
- Come on.
- Thorne: Here we go.
Chocolate milk for dessert? Can't we do better? I'm starving! It's not milk; it's mousse.
Soupy mousse.
I don't know.
I mean, he turned the chicken into goat.
One sip and I'll grow an antler.
It's chocolate mousse.
It just stayed in the freezer too long.
But Rayyan nuked it in the microwave, so, dessert? - No.
[ Sarah sighs .]
- It's not that bad.
[ Sniffing .]
- Wow.
That was some slap.
- Well, what can I say? He's my type.
- Engaged is your type? - Hubby number two was engaged.
Also Ricardo, who I met in Belize.
Engaged men can be very hot.
And also very engaged.
No.
[ Grunting .]
- Aha! Yield! - Never.
Never.
Three more games.
Come on! [ Rayyan sighs .]
Well, look on the bright side.
Tonight wasn't a total disaster.
I don't think a tornado gets to decide how much damage it's caused.
- Ouch! A tornado? That's harsh.
- Well From now on, the kitchen is all yours, monsieur.
Let's look on the bright side.
We got to use the good china.
Rite of passage passed.
Aw.
[ Charles laughing .]
[ Charles yells .]
No! Yes! - No! I couldn't see! - Still counts.
- Still counts! - One more? - OK, Billy.
- Come in.
- You were right.
- About you being a selfish jerk? No.
About the audit taking longer than an afternoon.
Looks like I'm gonna be here a while.
Well, in that case, we should probably mend that fence.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
On the other hand, if Amaar didn't want his fence broken, he shouldn't have let us play badminton in the first place.
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.
Great.
So, we're good, then? Yeah.
Yeah, we're good.
I was kidding.
Or was I? Yeah, I was.
I can't believe we wrestled all that financial chaos to the ground - in less than a week.
- Yeah, WE.
- Excuse us.
Right this way, guys.
- No, no.
What are you doing? Now, I am sorry, ladies, but this town's financial records are so tangled I'm gonna have to go back seven years just to get to the bottom of it.
You know? [ .]
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven
You're gonna love it.
It's like lawn darts meets kickboxing, But blindfolded.
I don't know if I want to face you in a game that you've been playing since you were a boy.
It would be like me challenging you to a game of "rock, paper, orison".
No, but this is the game of Thornes.
You're gonna love it! Hey, hey, little brother.
- Charles? - Billy.
How's the family? Uh Dad's still drunk, Mom's still dead.
Well, now that we're all caught up, uh, look, I don't know who you're here to torment, but it's not gonna be me, OK? Hey, hey, come on! Don't be like that! I came to see you, man.
- Really? Me? - Yeah.
OK, full disclosure, no.
I came to audit the town.
But I took the gig 'cause it's your town.
The audit's gonna take maybe an afternoon, then it's you and me, - just like old times.
- Yeah, old times.
Yeah, I don't want any part of that.
Goodbye.
- Hey, I love you.
- I hate you.
It's gonna take me a week just to start this audit.
- Not if we help you.
- Which we are not obliged to do.
I mean, silk teddies, thongs, batteries Lots of batteries.
- How is any of this work-related? - Wouldn't you like to know.
[ .]
You know, ma'am, you may think that you're above the law, but I am here to stop you, and you will feel my wrath come next election.
Well, the joke's on you - We don't have elections.
- Yeah.
Oh, you're good.
[ .]
Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E05 Brotherly Love What's the occasion? No occasion.
I just thought we've got all this fine china and good crystal; why not use it? - But it's for company.
- We never have company.
Someday in the future.
- You're afraid.
- I am not! You're not a real married couple until you have your first dinner party, and I just don't want to rush into it.
We are a real married couple, and we're having one tonight.
Mmm OK, but who are we gonna invite? - I was thinking Baber, Nate - I don't want Baber, Nate or - Both: Fred.
- What about Thorne? OK, one person's not a dinner party, though.
- We can invite your mother.
- OK.
- What about Ann? - Fine.
Houston, we have a dinner party! You meet a smart, handsome, age-appropriate stranger and he turns out to be the devil incarnate.
- I thought you liked the devil.
- Devils who ride Harleys, not ones who threaten to dethrone you.
Where is Charles? He said he'd be here at 10.
He said something about seeing his brother.
Well, he'll be here soon.
Let's deal with these files.
Yes, let's.
I'll get the matches.
Ann! This is serious.
How I spend the tax payers' money is none of the government's beeswax.
Ha! You look a little lost.
Oh, hey.
No, uh, I'm not lost, I'm just, uh, strategising, I guess.
Oh, I love strategising.
Can I help? I'm Amaar Rashid.
Oh, hey.
Charles Thorne.
Charles Thorne! You must be, uh Yeah, yeah.
Billy's big brother.
Wow! Who knew the Rev had a brother? Yeah, I I'm just trying to get some face time with him, but he's been avoiding me.
He's never mentioned me? - Uh, no.
- Not even once? Well, in his defence, I do tune him out a lot.
That's all right.
You don't have to cover for him.
- Billy hates me.
- I'm sure he doesn't hate you! Do you know what the last thing he said to me was? - What? - "I hate you.
" Oh.
Uh well, how's this for strategising? I was just gonna invite your brother over for dinner tonight.
Why don't you come along? Oh, thank you, no.
I wouldn't want to intrude.
Well, you could, uh, just be lost and looking for directions.
What, at the house that he just happens to be at? - Just - But you're inviting me, right? And, and, uh, yeah.
Yeah, no, I accept.
Thank you.
Good strategising.
That's great.
Uh, any food allergies? Well, just anything ethnic.
I'm kidding! Or am I? Yes, I'm kidding.
Oh.
So, what on earth happened between you and your brother? He's a serial obsessionist.
- What? - When my family first adopted me, I was Charles' obsession, and it was great! We were together 24/7, and he was the best friend I ever had.
And then he ordered Sea-Monkeys and then he barely spoke to me for a year.
OK, aren't you being a tad oversensitive? No! No.
Ugh, you sound like my mother, God rest her soul.
[Irish accent.]
: "You shouldn't be blaming your " "Abandonment issues on your wee brother.
" She wasn't even Irish.
The point is she always liked him best.
- Yeah, but you're grown up now.
- No, he's not.
No, no, no.
If he's here, he's just in between obsessions.
He's gonna use me and then throw me away Just like he did when we were kids.
Look, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but your brother may be coming to dinner tonight.
If he's coming, I rescind my acceptance of your invitation.
Fine.
Don't come for dinner.
- But I'm cooking French food.
- Mon dieu! You can't cook français! That's like the top of the culinary montagne.
People change.
Charles might have too.
You did.
Yes, yes, I did.
I am vastly more tolerant of others who are inferior to me except Charles.
All right, fine.
If you don't come and your brother does, then we get his side of the story uncontested.
So be it.
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
That's not fair.
There's only one way to fix that, my friend.
Fine! I'll be there.
I will see you plus tard.
- What did you call me? - It means "later".
Français? Later.
Charles: Know what I'd love? I would love if you told me that this mess of a filing system is a joke so I could leave this one-horse town.
Hey, hey, hey, we've been horse-free since the glue factory opened in Odena.
[ Laughing .]
Sorry.
What's that? Um, accounts payable, 2009.
He's so smart and handsome, let him figure it out.
Smart enough to know how much Alexander Brown costs? Handsome enough to wear it? The town never buys my luggage there.
Or my handbags.
Or that leather ottoman that's in your living room.
What, am I supposed to just let my legs dangle Like some common commoner? OK, enough small talk.
I want to start January 2009.
- Give me everything you've got.
- We'll help you as much as we can.
- Over my dead body.
- I heard that.
Jerk.
That IS good soup.
Mmm.
Check out these recipes I found on "la internet".
Oooh.
[ She gasps .]
- Four courses? Are you crazy? - Crazy about classic cuisine.
Do you really think you should cook something you've never cooked before? It'll be fun! It'll be like that lady - In the Julia Child movie.
- Isn't it a little bit risky? No, it will be a delightful, light-hearted romp with some genius comic performances.
Movie reviews aside, What about the two feuding Thorne brothers? They will be best friends by the end of the appetizers.
Fatima, you're a good cook.
If you forgot your wallet, just say so.
If you were having company over, Would you cook something you'd never cooked before? Yes, I would.
And when I screw it up, it's tomorrow's soup.
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, Mom.
I'm just rushing off to work.
Well, I'll see you later at your big dinner party.
Oh, yeah.
Why are we buying coffee for that horrible, horrible - Nightmare of a handsome man? - I had to get you out of there.
You were mighty close to him with that stapler.
You know, I wish we had a hole punch, Because I would have punched a hole in his handsome face.
That's another thing: why do you keep saying the word "handsome"? Just what are you insinuating? I hate that irresistible monster! Well, maybe you should just ignore him.
He'll go away faster.
It works with wasps.
Not necessarily.
On the other hand, with Mediterranean men - I mean real wasps.
- They are the smallest tippers.
- Three coffees, please.
- We tip.
Something smells delicious! What is it? - It's coq au vin à la Muslim.
- You made that up.
I used turkey bacon instead of real bacon, and I used grape juice instead of wine.
- That sounds halal awful.
- You know what? Prepare to eat your words.
Take a taste of this.
Wow! That's actually amazing! Don't sound so surprised! I've been working my bugs off all afternoon.
- Let me do something.
- You can be the taker-outer.
So, why don't you take out these appetizers in five minutes and why don't you take out this dessert in half an hour? Appetizers: 7:10.
Desserts: 7:35.
Consider them taken out.
[ Doorbell .]
We begin.
Ah, hello, stranger.
- I am here to ask for directions.
- Aha.
Relax, it's OK.
Besides, I already told him you're coming.
Darn it.
Practising that line for hours.
Was I convincing? Sure.
Charles, I want you to meet my wife, Rayyan.
Hello, Charles.
I've heard so much about you.
- Ah.
All good, I hope.
- Not if she heard it from me.
- Hey! Billy! - Don't don't call me that.
- I always called you Billy.
- Well, it's William now, or Reverend, or don't talk to me at all.
Hello, friends.
Guys.
Why don't you have a seat? Can we get you something to drink? - Better have a Scotch.
- They're Muslim.
Well, in that case, make it a double.
Just kidding.
Or am I? Yeah, I'm kidding, again.
- I'll get you a juice.
- Can I help you with anything? - No, no.
Sit, sit.
Chat.
- I can clean the bathroom.
Anything.
[ Charles clears his throat .]
So, what happened - to your latest obsession? - Oh, we got engaged.
Nice! Yeah.
And then you got bored, tossed her away, and came to see me? No! No, we're still engaged.
- I can show you pictures.
- Yeah, easily Photo-shopped.
No, we met speed skating on a canal.
- Speed skating? - OK, I was speed dating.
The point is we're still engaged, and yet I am here to visit you.
I'm telling you, bro, I've changed.
I've learned how to multitask.
- Rayyan: Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Amaar: Reverend.
- Thanks.
Well, all right.
I I suppose that it's it's possible.
Maybe.
[ Doorbell .]
- It's good to see you.
- You too, man.
Hi, Mom! Hi, Ann! Have you met Charles? - Spare me the second introduction.
- Yeah, we know each other.
- He's auditing me.
- I think they sort of hate each other.
All the guests at my party hate each other.
I don't hate anyone.
- I'll get some juice! - Yeah.
That mayor of yours is a piece of work, isn't she? I think I saw a switchblade in her purse.
It's a corkscrew.
- Can we just go? - No.
Make an effort.
- For the sake of your eternal financial soul.
- Oh! Uh My, oh, my.
Well, hello to you.
- Thank you.
- There we go, but I do have something for us.
- Hello.
- Hello! [ Laughing .]
Hello! [ Thorne laughing .]
Cheers.
Charles? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! [ Anne and Charles laughing quietly .]
Look at him over there, laughing, canoodling, Claiming that he's changed.
You know, if he had a superpower, it would be abandoning poor, helpless, younger brothers in the blink of an eye.
- He sounds more like a super villain.
- You've got that right, Sarah.
You've got that right.
The appetizers! Oh, gosh.
Oh, gosh.
Ooh! Ah Hot! Well, at least they're not burnt.
Oh, and I adore Venice.
Especially the gondoliers.
[ They chuckle .]
Cheers.
- And it's so romantic.
- So is Paris.
Mmm! And all the stinky cheese, and the stinky people.
- And then, of course, all the art.
- Oh! And the churches.
But it's the sex romance that, uh, stays with you.
Well, "romance" makes the world go round, doesn't it? What are these? They smell delicious.
Uh, gougères, French cheese puffs.
But that's weird.
They're not very puffy.
They look good to me.
Uh, no.
They were supposed to look like the picture puffy.
Oh, I think that's just the angle.
Well, now, I thought you were all about the numbers.
I am.
And you are one hot little number.
[ Charles chuckling .]
Then why don't we get out of here, go back to my place? Oh, I wouldn't waste a one-night stand on you.
No, no, no you on a one-night stand.
I wouldn't waste you on a Oh! - Well, let's serve them.
- Oh! I'll take these.
- You look at the coq au vin.
- OK.
All right, coq au vin.
Looking good.
Who says it has to be just one night? [ Footsteps .]
Cheese puff? They're called gougères.
They're French.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Shouldn't it be more What's the word I'm looking for Puffy? Maybe.
Amaar made them.
- Anything? - Mm-mm.
[ Amaar whistling .]
Amaar! Oh, God.
I got it! Oh, no.
My coq au vin.
It's destroyed.
It was the best thing - I ever cooked.
- I'm so sorry.
- Now it's full of poison.
- Maybe we can eat around it.
No.
I think it's time for your famous ketchup sandwiches.
No, Amaar, no.
This is supposed to be our rite-of-passage dinner party, and we are not gonna eat ketchup sandwiches just because we poisoned our dinner.
For the record, YOU poisoned the dinner.
I know what happened.
I was there.
[ He sighs .]
- What are you doing, Rayyan? - I'm calling Fatima.
Sarah! Did you hear what he said? He wouldn't waste me on a one-night stand.
- I think he likes me.
- Great.
Maybe he'll go easy on the audit.
I don't care about the audit! Bless the audit! Bring on the audit! - What's gotten into you? - I feel so alive.
Hey, "abandoneer".
You've humiliated me again.
Are you happy? Yeah.
Yeah, I haven't been this happy in years.
Salad, anyone? - Yes! - Of course, everyone knows that the authentic French way is to finish with salad, but But who cares about authenticity as long as it tastes good? Exactly, so let's sit - and eat salade.
- Doesn't this look wonderful! - It's salad.
- Yes, yes, salad.
With authentic French balsamic vinaigrette from France.
Slow down.
It's not a race.
Remember, this is dining; it's not eating.
[ Doorbell .]
I'll get that.
- That's probably Fat - Fr Franc! Fat Frank! Fat Frank is the neighbour's kid.
He's selling chocolates door to door.
He's fat.
We're nice to him, though.
He's got a lot of self-esteem issues, And people can be really mean.
Let's go say hi to our friend.
Ignore us.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Salad, salad.
Eaty! Oh, you got here so fast.
Thank you! - You can thank me with $50.
- Fifty? Extra 20% for emergencies, plus delivery.
Rayyan, we can't pretend we made this.
- Yes, we can.
- Extra 20 for taking credit.
Let me do this, OK? I ruined your delicious French food.
You wanted it to be perfect.
It's just a little white lie.
White lies are extra.
Thank you! You're a lifesaver.
- Here.
- OK, uh, You go through the bedroom, I'll go straight, and I'll cover for you.
- Dinner's here! - Ready! It's ready! I thought we were having coq au vin.
- So did I.
- Well, we were.
But the coq au cried out for a little zest, - so we went with the curry.
- And you added a goat? It was le chevre, right? Very French.
Is there anything you don't know? Oh, I'm sure you could teach me a thing or two.
You can't fool us, Amaar.
you got this recipe from Fatima.
Oh, you might say I got that dish directly from Fatima.
Ha! Ha! That's ridiculous, Amaar.
Stop it! Seriously, stop.
[ Chuckling .]
We were wrong about my brother.
What do you mean? He's been trying hard all night.
Yeah, to woo his new obsession.
Look at him.
It's like I'm not even in the room.
Here, watch this.
Hey, Charles, I'm considering a sex change.
You got it, kiddo.
- See? - Yeah, that was pretty bad.
Yeah, and I have had enough of this! Yeah, you! Yeah, you really had me going there, Charles.
Coming in here bragging about your speed skating and multitasking and your fiancée! Fiancée? We've only just I do! No, he's not proposing; he's engaged to somebody else! Please tell me you're not engaged, and that your no-good trouble-making brother is making trouble for no good reason! I am not.
He's lying.
Or is he? No.
No, he's not really lying.
I am engaged.
- You're engaged? - Yeah, sorry.
You think I haven't changed? You're the one that hasn't changed, buddy! You're still ruining everything! - I'm just getting warmed up.
- Really? Then why don't we take it outside? Guys, guys, we don't have to do this.
- There's still dessert.
- Yeah, dessert! - Oh, dessert! - Are you kidding me? Yeah, well, we Thornes settle this like men! Unless, of course, you've gone a little soft, Reverend! I have not gotten soft! - Let's do it! - Yeah? Wh uh - Where's outside?! - There.
Come on! [ Thorne and Charles grunting .]
- Ow! - Ah! Ha! Didn't see that one coming, did you, Billy? - Damn you! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Come on.
[ Grunting .]
Ah! Eat that shuttlecock! I don't understand them.
Well, that shuttlecock is the white feathery thing.
- It's also called the birdie.
- No, I get that.
- I mean, they're totally insane.
- Oh, that's clear.
[ Laughing .]
- Come on.
- Thorne: Here we go.
Chocolate milk for dessert? Can't we do better? I'm starving! It's not milk; it's mousse.
Soupy mousse.
I don't know.
I mean, he turned the chicken into goat.
One sip and I'll grow an antler.
It's chocolate mousse.
It just stayed in the freezer too long.
But Rayyan nuked it in the microwave, so, dessert? - No.
[ Sarah sighs .]
- It's not that bad.
[ Sniffing .]
- Wow.
That was some slap.
- Well, what can I say? He's my type.
- Engaged is your type? - Hubby number two was engaged.
Also Ricardo, who I met in Belize.
Engaged men can be very hot.
And also very engaged.
No.
[ Grunting .]
- Aha! Yield! - Never.
Never.
Three more games.
Come on! [ Rayyan sighs .]
Well, look on the bright side.
Tonight wasn't a total disaster.
I don't think a tornado gets to decide how much damage it's caused.
- Ouch! A tornado? That's harsh.
- Well From now on, the kitchen is all yours, monsieur.
Let's look on the bright side.
We got to use the good china.
Rite of passage passed.
Aw.
[ Charles laughing .]
[ Charles yells .]
No! Yes! - No! I couldn't see! - Still counts.
- Still counts! - One more? - OK, Billy.
- Come in.
- You were right.
- About you being a selfish jerk? No.
About the audit taking longer than an afternoon.
Looks like I'm gonna be here a while.
Well, in that case, we should probably mend that fence.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
On the other hand, if Amaar didn't want his fence broken, he shouldn't have let us play badminton in the first place.
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.
Great.
So, we're good, then? Yeah.
Yeah, we're good.
I was kidding.
Or was I? Yeah, I was.
I can't believe we wrestled all that financial chaos to the ground - in less than a week.
- Yeah, WE.
- Excuse us.
Right this way, guys.
- No, no.
What are you doing? Now, I am sorry, ladies, but this town's financial records are so tangled I'm gonna have to go back seven years just to get to the bottom of it.
You know? [ .]
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven