Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s06e05 Episode Script

Ok.
Ok. Geez!
Ok. Geez! Ow!
Geez! Ow! We're out of time.
Ow! We're out of time. Ok.
And we're clear. Well, that wasn't very good. I'm sorry.
Well, that wasn't very good. I'm sorry. Oh, no, it's all right.
I'm sorry. Oh, no, it's all right. Really.
Oh, no, it's all right. Really.
Really. You're just not very good.
You're just not very good. Wh
You're just not very good. Wh No.
Wh No. I'm loving No. I'm loving Cuddly.
I'm loving Cuddly. Ha! He really mailed
cuddly. Ha! He really mailed that one in.
Ha! He really mailed that one in. Hi.
That one in. Hi. Aren't there usually
hi. Aren't there usually questions and answers, or am
aren't there usually questions and answers,
or am I just wrong about that?
Questions and answers, or am I just
wrong about that? I just keep thinking
I just wrong about that? I just keep
thinking about last week's show.
I just keep thinking about last week's show. It had everything--
about last week's show. It had everything--
action, girls, kung-fu sex
It had everything-- action, girls,
kung-fu sex Eruptions from your mouth.
Action, girls, kung-fu sex
Eruptions from your mouth. Shut up, mantis!
Eruptions from your mouth. Shut up, mantis! Pfft!
Shut up, mantis! Pfft! I'll spin your head off so
pfft! I'll spin your head off so fast,
it'll travel back in time!
I'll spin your head off so fast, it'll travel back in time!
Fast, it'll travel back in time!
To a period when bugs wore suits
To a period when bugs wore suits and opened doors while saying
to a period when bugs wore suits and opened doors
while saying "thank you" and "yes, please."
And opened doors while saying
"thank you" and "yes, please." Um
"Thank you" and "yes, please." Um I have no response to that.
Um I have no response to that. It's like working
I have no response to that.
It's like working with children, Jerry.
It's like working with children, Jerry. Yeah.
With children, Jerry. Yeah. Green ones.
Yeah. Green ones. Well, are we surprised?
Green ones. Well, are we surprised? Heh heh heh!
Well, are we surprised? Heh heh heh! Now,
listen up as I tell the
heh heh heh! Now, listen up as I tell
the tale of 15 sexy kung-fu minutes.
Now, listen up as I tell the tale of 15
sexy kung-fu minutes. Kung-fuKung-fu
Tale of 15 sexy kung-fu minutes.
Kung-fuKung-fu Did you create the show?
Kung-fuKung-fu Did you create the show?
By "create," you mean write,
did you create the show? By "create,
" you mean write, produce, direct, and star in?
By "create," you mean write, produce, direct, and star in? Yeah.
Produce, direct, and star in? Yeah. Then, yes.
Yeah. Then, yes. I created it for you
Then, yes. I created it for you For Christmas.
I created it for you For Christmas. In my wildest fantasies,
for Christmas. In my wildest fantasies, I never imagined that
in my wildest fantasies, I never
imagined that I would really be invited
I never imagined that I would really
be invited to be on your show.
I would really be invited to be on your show. Mmm.
To be on your show. Mmm. Wild fantasies.
Mmm. Wild fantasies. You have a
Wild fantasies. You have a I don't know,
you have a I don't know, something about you.
I don't know, something about you. Would you like to have
something about you. Would you like
to have some of my sex with me?
Would you like to have some of my sex with me? Oh, boy, would I.
Some of my sex with me? Oh, boy, would I. Let's go.
Oh, boy, would I. Let's go. All right, this is
let's go. All right, this is a complete lie.
All right, this is a complete lie. Shut up, zorak. It isn't.
A complete lie. Shut up, zorak. It isn't. She never would have.
Shut up, zorak. It isn't.
She never would have. We'll check the tape.
She never would have. We'll check the tape.
We'll check it right after
we'll check the tape. We'll check
it right after the show, buddy!
We'll check it right after the show, buddy! Show's over, genius.
The show, buddy! Show's over, genius. I wasn't told that was--
show's over, genius. I wasn't told that was-- is this a--
I wasn't told that was-- is this a-- and that's "jenius"
is this a-- and that's "jenius" with a "j"!
And that's "jenius" with a "j"! This is an ambush show.
With a "j"! This is an ambush show. Your life's about over!
This is an ambush show. Your life's about over! Yeah, whatever.
Your life's about over! Yeah, whatever. It's about over
yeah, whatever. It's about over unless you shut up!
It's about over unless you shut up! I don't want to be
unless you shut up! I don't want to be a guest on a talk show!
I don't want to be a guest on a talk show! All right, but
A guest on a talk show! All right, but Say it! Say it again,
all right, but Say it! Say it again, monster!
Say it! Say it again, monster! I never wanted to be on.
Monster! I never wanted to be on. Say what you just said!
I never wanted to be on. Say what you just said! Yeah, say it!
Say what you just said! Yeah, say it! Say it!
Yeah, say it! Say it! Whoa!
Say it! Whoa! "Whoa!" Is what America is
whoa! "Whoa!" Is what America is gonna be saying when I spin his
"whoa!" Is what America is gonna be saying
when I spin his head off so fast, it'll travel
gonna be saying when I spin his head off so fast,
it'll travel back in time.
Head off so fast, it'll travel back in time.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Back in time. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, you want the
blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh,
you want the time-travel spinning head?
Oh, you want the time-travel spinning head? Um
Time-travel spinning head? Um Huh? Mister?
Um Huh? Mister? Time?
Huh? Mister? Time? What does that mean?
Time? What does that mean? He doesn't know.
What does that mean? He doesn't know. It means there was a time
he doesn't know. It means there was a
time when bugs were obedient to man.
It means there was a time when bugs were
obedient to man. This clearly isn't that time.
When bugs were obedient to man.
This clearly isn't that time. Nope.
This clearly isn't that time. Nope. Now, where was I, Jerry?
Nope. Now, where was I, Jerry? I don't know.
Now, where was I, Jerry? I don't know. We were kind of--
I don't know. We were kind of-- ah, yes. The sex.
We were kind of-- ah, yes. The sex. Of course.
Ah, yes. The sex. Of course. As I moved in to enjoy
of course. As I moved in to enjoy the sex, terror rained
as I moved in to enjoy the sex, terror rained down from the sky.
The sex, terror rained down from the sky. Ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh.
Down from the sky. Ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh.
AreThereAny bones
Ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh. AreThereAny bones Sticking out?
AreThereAny bones Sticking out? Um, I can't tell.
Sticking out? Um, I can't tell. You're hidden by a desk.
Um, I can't tell. You're hidden by a desk.
I was pinned to the earth.
You're hidden by a desk. I was pinned to the earth.
By a freaking ceiling tile.
I was pinned to the earth. By a freaking
ceiling tile. Don't! Don't, don't, don't!
By a freaking ceiling tile.
Don't! Don't, don't, don't! Heh heh heh!
Don't! Don't, don't, don't! Heh heh heh! This was no ordinary
heh heh heh! This was no ordinary ceiling tile, Jerry.
This was no ordinary ceiling tile, Jerry. Ok.
Ceiling tile, Jerry. Ok. This was the c. Ling tile!
Ok. This was the c. Ling tile! So, ghost, we meet again.
This was the c. Ling tile! So, ghost, we meet again. C. Ling!
So, ghost, we meet again. C. Ling! That's right. I'm back.
C. Ling! That's right. I'm back. The pleasure is mine.
That's right. I'm back. The pleasure is mine.
No, no, no. Correction--
the pleasure is mine. No, no, no.
Correction-- the pleasure is all for me.
No, no, no. Correction-- the pleasure
is all for me. Sprinkler! Sprinkler!
The pleasure is all for me. Sprinkler! Sprinkler! No!
Sprinkler! Sprinkler! No! Oh, ho!
No! Oh, ho! Tap water.
Oh, ho! Tap water. Now I will freeze you
tap water. Now I will freeze you at 60 degrees!
Now I will freeze you at 60 degrees! Cool air vent, go!
At 60 degrees! Cool air vent, go! Uh!
Cool air vent, go! Uh! Go!
Uh! Go! He's lowering the
go! He's lowering the temperature of my body.
He's lowering the temperature of my body. Oh, ho ho!
Temperature of my body. Oh, ho ho! Zorak, contact facilities.
Oh, ho ho! Zorak, contact facilities. You
Zorak, contact facilities. You You Deal with it!
Deal with it! Ow! Son of a
Deal with it! Ow! Son of a Time to hang, tile!
Ow! Son of a Time to hang, tile! Asbestos powder! Get up.
Time to hang, tile! Asbestos powder! Get up.
Get up and face the powder!
Asbestos powder! Get up. Get up and face the powder! No!
Get up and face the powder! No! Mmm! Mmm! Suck it in, ghost,
no! Mmm! Mmm! Suck it in, ghost, and prepare to die!
Mmm! Mmm! Suck it in, ghost,
and prepare to die! Not while I'm alive.
And prepare to die! Not while I'm alive. Medical school!
Not while I'm alive. Medical school! Hey! Stop!
Medical school! Hey! Stop! Space Ghost has mastered
hey! Stop! Space Ghost has mastered the 5 magics.
Space Ghost has mastered the 5 magics. May cause drowsiness
The 5 magics. May cause drowsiness No!
May cause drowsiness No! From your coffin!
No! From your coffin! You don't have to throw that!
From your coffin! You don't have
to throw that! Because you're dead!
You don't have to throw that!
Because you're dead! Hey. That hurts! No!
Because you're dead! Hey. That hurts! No! Well, it looks like
hey. That hurts! No! Well, it looks like c.
Ling will fit in perfectly
Well, it looks like c. Ling will fit
in perfectly On the roof in jail!
C. Ling will fit in perfectly
On the roof in jail! He sure will, Space Ghost!
On the roof in jail! He sure will,
Space Ghost! Moltar, that's one tile
he sure will, Space Ghost! Moltar,
that's one tile that needs to be replaced.
Moltar, that's one tile that needs to be replaced.
It sure does, Space Ghost.
That needs to be replaced.
It sure does, Space Ghost. Shut up, zorak.
It sure does, Space Ghost. Shut up, zorak. You make me sick.
Shut up, zorak. You make me sick. I do, don't I?
You make me sick. I do, don't I?
I do, don't I? Now, don't we have
Now, don't we have some sex to take care of?
Now, don't we have some sex to take care of? Ha ha ha! Yes.
Some sex to take care of? Ha ha ha! Yes.
Ha ha ha! Yes. That's how I defeated c. Ling
That's how I defeated c. Ling and then, of course, did sex.
That's how I defeated c. Ling and then,
of course, did sex. It was all action, Jerry--
and then, of course, did sex.
It was all action, Jerry-- magic and action.
It was all action, Jerry-- magic and action. Unbelievable.
Magic and action. Unbelievable. And yet, very true.
Unbelievable. And yet, very true. And yet, very true.
And yet, very true. And yet, very true. You're insane. You never
and yet, very true. You're insane.
You never even took your clothes off!
You're insane. You never even took
your clothes off! Of course I didn't.
Even took your clothes off! Of course I didn't. It was sex!
Of course I didn't. It was sex! That's some kind of sex.
It was sex! That's some kind of sex.
Moltar, I will spin your head
that's some kind of sex. Moltar,
I will spin your head so fast, it'll collect its own
Moltar, I will spin your head so fast,
it'll collect its own atmosphereWith gravity.
So fast, it'll collect its own atmosphereWith gravity. What?
AtmosphereWith gravity. What? And you'll be dead!
What? And you'll be dead! Why?
And you'll be dead! Why? Because you weren't
why? Because you weren't alive back then.
Because you weren't alive back then. Well, that ain't
alive back then. Well, that ain't how I remember it at all!
Well, that ain't how I remember it at all!
What was that? Oh, the lying
how I remember it at all! What was that? Oh,
the lying machine just turned on!
What was that? Oh, the lying machine
just turned on! Tell me your story.
Machine just turned on! Tell me your story. First off, I was
tell me your story. First off, I was looking real good.
First off, I was looking real good. Oh, here we go.
Looking real good. Oh, here we go. Anyway, Space Ghost
oh, here we go. Anyway, Space Ghost was droning on and on about
anyway, Space Ghost was droning on
and on about how he packs for trips.
Was droning on and on about how he
packs for trips. 8 pair of underwear.
How he packs for trips. 8 pair of underwear.
And I always bring one entire
8 pair of underwear. And I always bring
one entire knapsack full of soap.
And I always bring one entire knapsack
full of soap. UmAnd you are?
Knapsack full of soap. UmAnd you are? Space Ghost.
UmAnd you are? Space Ghost. Ha ha! Right.
Space Ghost. Ha ha! Right. Uh, is your full name
ha ha! Right. Uh, is your full name Space Ghost coast to coast,
uh, is your full name Space Ghost coast to coast,
or is it just Space Ghost?
Space Ghost coast to coast,
or is it just Space Ghost? Uh, I don't know.
Or is it just Space Ghost? Uh, I don't know. Hey, want to see
uh, I don't know. Hey, want to see how high I can jump?
Hey, want to see how high I can jump? Hmm
How high I can jump? Hmm I can jump high.
Hmm I can jump high. I can go real high!
I can jump high. I can go real high! No. I thought maybe
I can go real high! No. I thought maybe you were joking.
No. I thought maybe you were joking. Ok, here goes.
You were joking. Ok, here goes. Whee!
Ok, here goes. Whee! Whee!
Whee! Whee! Whoopee!
Whee! Whoopee! That went on for.Ever.
Whoopee! That went on for.Ever. Luckily, Boston came by
that went on for.Ever.
Luckily, Boston came by and picked me up.
Luckily, Boston came by and picked me up. Oh, bull!
And picked me up. Oh, bull! They said they needed
oh, bull! They said they needed a keyboardist, and I said,
they said they needed a keyboardist,
and I said, "I'm your manTis!"
A keyboardist, and I said, "I'm your manTis!" Ughh
"I'm your manTis!" Ughh So long, suckers!
Ughh So long, suckers! And off we went.
It was this whole freaking
they had this really cool ship. It was this
whole freaking city on a flying ufo guitar,
ship. It was this whole freaking city on a
flying ufo guitar, powered by rock 'n' roll!
City on a flying ufo guitar, powered by rock 'n' roll! Lie!
Powered by rock 'n' roll! Lie! Boston rocks!
Lie! Boston rocks! And where did your friend
Boston rocks! And where did your friend Boston take you?
And where did your friend Boston take you?
They were on their way
Boston take you? They were on their way to populate a new world
they were on their way to populate a
new world where everyone would just
to populate a new world where everyone would just rock forever.
Where everyone would just rock forever. That's a lie!
Rock forever. That's a lie!
That's a lie! All right! Who wants to rock?
All right! Who wants to rock? There was not a life form
all right! Who wants to rock?
There was not a life form we didn't rock.
There was not a life form we didn't rock.
Is everybody ready to rock?
We didn't rock. Is everybody ready to rock?
Yeah! Play some guitar! Kick it!
Is everybody ready to rock? Yeah!
Play some guitar! Kick it! Man and mantis,
yeah! Play some guitar! Kick it!
Man and mantis, rocking side by side.
Man and mantis, rocking side by side.
We're gonna rock your face!
Rocking side by side. We're gonna rock your face! Ow!
We're gonna rock your face! Ow! Who's ready to rock 'n' roll?!
Ow! Who's ready to rock 'n' roll?!
Me and Boston, just like that.
Who's ready to rock 'n' roll?! Me and Boston,
just like that. We rocked everyone we met.
Me and Boston, just like that.
We rocked everyone we met. God, it was beautiful.
We rocked everyone we met.
God, it was beautiful. And when they were all
God, it was beautiful. And when they
were all rocked out, they dropped me
and when they were all rocked out,
they dropped me off at home. Thanks, Boston!
Rocked out, they dropped me off at home.
Thanks, Boston! That rocked!
Off at home. Thanks, Boston! That rocked! Hey,
Boston, keep on rockin'!
That rocked! Hey, Boston, keep on rockin'!
Those guys know how to rock.
Hey, Boston, keep on rockin'! Those guys
know how to rock. Like g.I. Joe with his
those guys know how to rock. Like g.I.
Joe with his pants blown off in the war!
Like g.I. Joe with his pants blown
off in the war! Aah! Incoming!
Pants blown off in the war! Aah! Incoming! Oh, no!
Aah! Incoming! Oh, no! See that?
Oh, no! See that? I touched the ceiling!
See that? I touched the ceiling! And that's when he
I touched the ceiling! And that's
when he started crying for mama.
And that's when he started crying for mama. Mama!
Started crying for mama. Mama!
Mama! I wasn't saying "mama."
I wasn't saying "mama." I was saying "trauma," like the
I wasn't saying "mama." I was saying "trauma,
" like the kind I was about to dish out.
I was saying "trauma," like the kind I was about
to dish out. I was announcing it beforehand.
Kind I was about to dish out.
I was announcing it beforehand. To your mama.
I was announcing it beforehand.
To your mama. Besides, if I cried, it was
to your mama. Besides, if I cried,
it was because of kung-fu lasers
besides, if I cried, it was because
of kung-fu lasers and starvation.
Why don't you explain that? Yeah, explain it.
This is all a damned lie!
Yeah, explain it. This is all a damned lie! Um
This is all a damned lie! Um Don't listen to him, Jerry!
Um Don't listen to him, Jerry! I'll blow your brains clear
don't listen to him, Jerry! I'll blow your
brains clear into that riverbank, zorak.
I'll blow your brains clear into that riverbank,
zorak. Yeah, sure you will.
Into that riverbank, zorak.
Yeah, sure you will. But you were friends.
Yeah, sure you will. But you were friends.
Why would you do that?
But you were friends. Why would you do that?
Why are you always trying
why would you do that? Why are you
always trying to get ahead of me, mantis?
Why are you always trying to get ahead of me,
mantis? You're all lying!
To get ahead of me, mantis? You're all lying! Oh! Moltar!
You're all lying! Oh! Moltar! That's right, Jerry. Moltar.
Oh! Moltar! That's right, Jerry. Moltar. First of all, I had the
that's right, Jerry. Moltar.
First of all, I had the beautiful rock hair.
First of all, I had the beautiful rock hair.
Space Ghost was in the thing,
beautiful rock hair. Space Ghost was
in the thing, talking to someone.
Space Ghost was in the thing,
talking to someone. Ha ha ha! Oh, no!
Talking to someone. Ha ha ha! Oh, no! I had everything
ha ha ha! Oh, no! I had everything under control, as usual,
I had everything under control,
as usual, when all of a sudden
Under control, as usual, when all of a sudden Psst!
When all of a sudden Psst! Hey, buddy.
Psst! Hey, buddy. Who said that?
Hey, buddy. Who said that? Me.
Who said that? Me. Where's the driver?
Me. Where's the driver? I'm a talking car.
Where's the driver? I'm a talking car. Why are you here?
I'm a talking car. Why are you here? Why is anyone here?
Why are you here? Why is anyone here? Whoa!
Why is anyone here? Whoa! And that was when I decided
whoa! And that was when I decided I just need to spend a lot
and that was when I decided I just need
to spend a lot more time in church.
A talking car. Really. No, you know what?
I told it wrong. I had broken my lungs,
no, you know what? I told it wrong.
I had broken my lungs, that's what it was. And I was
wrong. I had broken my lungs, that's what it was.
And I was in the process of gluing them
that's what it was. And I was in the
process of gluing them back together.
In the process of gluing them back together. So there I am,
back together. So there I am, and I start hearing
so there I am, and I start hearing this scary piano music.
And I start hearing this scary piano music.
So I turn around, and there's
this scary piano music. So I turn around,
and there's this guy standing there,
so I turn around, and there's this guy standing there,
and he's wearing this mask, and
this guy standing there, and he's wearing this mask,
and I'm like, "what's up with that?"
And he's wearing this mask, and I'm like,
"what's up with that?" And he's got this knife,
I'm like, "what's up with that?" And he's got this knife,
and he just starts coming at me,
and he's got this knife, and he just starts
coming at me, and the knife's, like, going,
and he just starts coming at me,
and the knife's, like, going, "drr, drr, drr!"
And the knife's, like, going, "drr, drr,
drr!" You mean, uh, Michael Myers?
"Drr, drr, drr!" You mean, uh,
Michael Myers? Oh, you know him? 'Cause he
you mean, uh, Michael Myers? Oh,
you know him? 'Cause he was coming right at me.
Oh, you know him? 'Cause he was coming
right at me. Yeah. He's in this movie--
was coming right at me. Yeah.
He's in this movie-- "Halloween." The one I
yeah. He's in this movie-- "Halloween."
The one I loaned to you a year ago!
"Halloween." The one I loaned to
you a year ago! My movie, remember?
Loaned to you a year ago! My movie, remember? Ok, all right, ok.
My movie, remember? Ok, all right, ok. So maybe it was a movie.
Ok, all right, ok. So maybe it was a movie.
I guess I was watching it
so maybe it was a movie. I guess I was
watching it with some of my friends.
I guess I was watching it with some of my friends. Pfft!
With some of my friends. Pfft! I don't know if you
pfft! I don't know if you know them. They're the
I don't know if you know them. They're the rock band Boston.
Know them. They're the rock band Boston. I don't know them.
Rock band Boston. I don't know them. He doesn't know them.
I don't know them. He doesn't know them.
Look at his face! He's lying!
He doesn't know them. Look at his face!
He's lying! I'm not lying!
Look at his face! He's lying! I'm not lying! Oh, gosh.
I'm not lying! Oh, gosh. Truth is relative, zorak!
Oh, gosh. Truth is relative,
zorak! Especially when you're lying!
Truth is relative, zorak! Especially when you're lying! Huh
Especially when you're lying! Huh
The trueness of one's truth,
huh The trueness of one's truth, zorak, is clearly based on
the trueness of one's truth, zorak,
is clearly based on their vernacular inaccuracies.
Zorak, is clearly based on their vernacular inaccuracies. What?
Their vernacular inaccuracies. What? Um
What? Um Yes, zorak. Everyone knows
um Yes, zorak. Everyone knows
that to be true. And you're dumb
yes, zorak. Everyone knows that to be true.
And you're dumb for not knowing that.
That to be true. And you're dumb for not knowing that. What?
For not knowing that. What? I have to be going soon.
What? I have to be going soon. As Moltar clearly said,
I have to be going soon. As Moltar clearly said, the vascular
As Moltar clearly said, the vascular Say it.
The vascular Say it. You know, if you couldn't
say it. You know, if you couldn't understand the first time,
you know, if you couldn't understand the
first time, I shouldn't have to waste
understand the first time, I shouldn't
have to waste my mouth saying it again.
I shouldn't have to waste my mouth
saying it again. It's not like
my mouth saying it again. It's not like I have another job.
It's not like I have another job. Saying what again?
I have another job. Saying what again? Yeah,
what are you saying?
Saying what again? Yeah, what are you saying? What I'm saying
Yeah, what are you saying? What I'm saying
That's not what I said.
What I'm saying That's not what I said. What I'm saying
That's not what I said. What I'm saying Bee-otch!
What I'm saying Bee-otch! What I'm saying is
Bee-otch! What I'm saying is Saying things are not relative.
What I'm saying is Saying things
are not relative. This can't be during
saying things are not relative. This can't be during a sweeps.
This can't be during a sweeps. And that, my friends,
a sweeps. And that, my friends, is the only truth.
And that, my friends, is the only truth. Is there an end
is the only truth. Is there an end to any of this?
Is there an end to any of this? The other truth
To any of this? The other truth Is that I totally did sex
the other truth Is that I totally did sex with that girl.
Is that I totally did sex with that girl. Ok.
With that girl. Ok. Because I did.
Ok. Because I did. Good.
Because I did. Good. I completely totally did.
Good. I completely totally did. Yes.
I completely totally did. Yes. Yes. I think you can say the
yes. Yes. I think you can say the two of us did that activity.
Yes. I think you can say the two of
us did that activity. Oh, and zorak?
Two of us did that activity.
Oh, and zorak? There was a performance
Oh, and zorak? There was a performance I totally hung out
there was a performance I totally hung out with Boston.
I totally hung out with Boston. At the theater,
with Boston. At the theater, if you catch my drift.
At the theater, if you catch my drift. Hey, thanks, guys.
If you catch my drift. Hey, thanks, guys. And we worked it from
hey, thanks, guys. And we worked
it from the balcony to the loge.
And we worked it from the balcony to the loge.
Nice talking to you. Bye-bye.
The balcony to the loge. Nice talking to you. Bye-bye.