Bad Girls (1999) s06e06 Episode Script
Series 6, Episode 6
Said she was running a language school but it was a sex slave racket.
l meant it when l said l wanted a drug-free wing.
So that goes for staff as well as prisoners.
There's a word for what you did to me - entrapment.
And my lawyers are going to prove it.
l don't want you to force my 14-year-old sister to give up her life in Canada and risk going to prison here.
Sorry, Kris.
l'm doing this for the both of us.
When shall we do it again? Tomorrow? Sorry, that's enough for me.
l've been considering resurrecting our career as master brewers.
Rhubarella cocktails all round! Every member of your staff tested positive - for heroin.
A quick job for a skilled mechanic, with a hand from her assistant.
- Ju! Me hand, it's stuck! - Oh, Christ! - Look, calm down! - l can't get it out! Get it out! And l owe you.
Big time.
You look like you know what's going on.
What can you give me on it? Anything at all.
Nothing too important.
Look, ring me.
What's she had for breakfast, who's she sharing a cell with? Right? Worth a try.
Get a picture, John.
Gotta get a picture.
Get back! As you can see, rowdy scenes here, as Tanya Turner, the tabloid favourite, arrives at Larkhall Prison to begin her five-year sentence.
lt's a world away from the luxury of her former lifestyle.
'This is a defining moment for Tanya.
'As the van swings through the gate now, prison life awaits.
' - That van smelt like shit! - Oh, l'm sorry! We've been on at them for months to provide eau de toilette and hot towels.
- Er, what you doing with those? - You'll be given a list of permitted items.
l'd advise you to remove any expensive jewellery.
Well, l won't take your advice, thank you.
Up to you.
But don't come running to us if they go missing.
You can purchase a digital one with a rubber strap from the canteen.
From now on, you're just another criminal, Turner, no more.
This place is full of them, if you weren't told.
l'm not a criminal.
Those drugs were planted on me by some stupid bint.
- My lawyer's appealing.
- Keep that up and see where it gets you.
lf you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut and your nose clean.
A challenge for the likes of you.
Look, can't we come to some sort of arrangement? Just cut me some slack while my appeal goes ahead.
- l'll make it worth your while.
- Are you offering us a bribe? No.
Course not.
- Christ, l feel bloody naked.
- You will be.
ln the cubicle.
'All prisoners down tools, return to the wing.
' 'All prisoners down tools, return to the wing.
' Kris, l've booked a flight to Canada.
Once l'm there, l'll hire a detective if l have to.
l'm finding Milly and l'm bringing her home.
Thanks for letting me sodding know.
Only it's my sister we're talking about.
lt's none of your business.
Not any more.
lt is my business.
Look at me.
lf Milly ends up inside and l get out, l want nothing to do with you.
We're not living like this any more.
l'm going to get her.
Yeah.
And l'll tell Myers you're a fake screw.
l'll tell her you're only in here to be with your murderer girlfriend.
Knickers.
When can l have my first visit? l know l'm entitled to one.
- When we say so.
- We'll give you a visiting order.
You're also allowed one free phone call and a letter.
Turn around.
l want Mr Rick Revoir to visit me.
And Tanya Turner's joining us, which is just what we need right now.
Media spotlight, when every officer is testing positive for Class A drugs.
- You don't really believe that? - Do you have an explanation? - Trust me, l'll find one.
- You'd better, Frances.
- Have you put Buxton on the threes yet? - Buxton doesn't need her own cell.
Let's chuck her down the block and forget her.
Oh, for the next 12 years? Are you forgetting what she's guilty of? Your personal feelings are compromising your professionalism.
You don't know her.
l've dealt with my share of vicious bastards, none come close.
Let me know when you find out why all your staff have heroin in their urine.
A whole wing staffed by smack-heads.
What's the number one saying about that? He's saying what l'm saying - it's a cockup and whoever's responsible's walking.
Well, l'm not.
So you're telling me there's no chance it could've been a procedural error? Look, we've been following the same routine for years.
What, so nobody at the DST can make a mistake? Not with the double-checking we do.
Listen, just tell me, is there any possible explanation for how this happened? lf you're certain that the results can't be right, the only possible explanation is they've been tampered with - before they made it to the lab.
- Thank you.
(Crowd shouting) (Man) 'Come on, Tanya! One more! Give us a smile, sweetheart! That's it! 'Smile at the camera, come on! Smile! That's it! Why did you do it? To try and get back at me or something? Treat me like an idiot, Colin, and l'll make you so sorry.
- Don't understand what - The piss tests.
l know you got to them, l know you messed with them, so come on, why? You're a pathetic little boy.
Did you want to make me look stupid? Didn't do it to spite you.
Then why? Truth is - l'm a smack-head.
Smack-head.
- l'm off it now.
- Oh well, that's good to hear.
l don't care how bad the cold turkey is, l'm not going back.
l'll expect your resignation on my desk, first thing tomorrow morning.
- l told you, l'm off it.
- You spiked the piss tests.
- What's going to happen next time? - There'll be no next time.
l promise.
Believe me.
Look! l'll sign anything.
Right? A statement.
- Look, l can't lose my job, or l'll - Or what? Go back on the smack? No, you need professional help.
Look, l know some people.
You can work your notice, on one condition - you test every two days.
And now you can go and collect Buxton and move her up to the threes.
Please.
What as yet's unknown is precisely how potent it's gonna be.
We'll just have to test it.
Measure by controlled measure.
Well, talk about toiling for our tipple! Yeah, but just think of the results.
l mean, who needs garden jobs when the sodding garden can come to us? And Myers thinks she's got the better of us! l just got your latest piss test results.
- Squeaky.
- l should hope so too.
l think we've proved to you, Miss Myers, that we're as good as our word.
So isn't it about time you gave me that job you promised? We've played fair by you.
Well, you look like you could operate a kettle.
First thing tomorrow.
Early start.
lf you're not up and ready, you're sacked.
- The kettle calls.
- Mm, early start.
Hopefully, an early finish.
- Everything all right? - Bubbling away nicely.
Yeah.
Don't smell too good though.
Oh, l think you might be surprised.
l think it'll have a certain fruity bouquet.
lt won't have for Myers.
You want anything else, let us know.
Oh, thank you, Julie, but l don't deserve it.
You're joking! lf it weren't for you, l wouldn't have an arm to serve it with - if you hadn't saved me.
- We want to make it up to you.
- You want anything, you just ask.
- Ask.
- Thank you for giving me a chance.
- 'Ere, Tanya! (Whooping and whistling) (Sylvia) Hey! Shut it! Shut it! - Any chance for tonight, darling? - Behave yourself! Ain't she beautiful? - Eyes forward, sweetheart.
- On your way, Buxton! Come on, l haven't got all day.
- After that you're moving to threes.
- Oh, er, Mr Hedges.
Was it your idea to give me a private cell? lt's orders.
That bunk there's coming vacant.
Put your stuff down and out for tea.
Did you hear me, cloth-ears? Get a shift on.
- When can l have my phone call? - When you do as you're told.
Now move! l want to see the manager, or the boss, or whatever.
Manager? You're not in one of your fancy hotels now! l was told l was allowed to make a free phone call.
You'll have to wait until after 6pm.
Unless you move it! Fuckin' hell! You're Tanya Turner, ain't you? l'm Tina.
And, er these here are the Julies.
- Hi.
- We heard you was on your way.
- So, where they put you? - Oh, in a dormitory thing.
Four-bed? l'm in there.
Great.
So Where d'you get your suit from? lt's well nice.
Milan.
Oh.
l ain't never heard of him.
Anyway, we can have a little natter later, yeah? Can't wait! You know Milan, Tine.
We're always nipping over there to go shopping.
Yeah, where we get our designer pinnies.
- Lend 'em if you like.
- Look, l don't want any trouble.
Talking to people like they're shit on your shoe ain't the way to act then, is it? OK.
l'm sorry.
l've got some signed photos in my bag if you want one.
- Can l have two? - Yeah, of course.
Oh, cheers! - What's that? - Larkhall Surprise.
Out of caviar.
Sorry.
Yeah, well, from what l hear, it's, um, well-deserved.
Couldn't let poor Julie get sawn in half, could l? - Anyone would've done it.
- No, l don't know about that.
You're one of the good ones, aren't you? What, for a screw? You know what l mean.
Don't suppose l'd stand a chance though, what with Myers around.
- Myers? - Yeah.
You're the headmistress's little favourite, aren't you? You couldn't be more wrong.
l mean, she's not my type.
Mm-hm.
So, what is, then? Just now, a takeaway curry and the sports channel.
Mrs Hollamby, can l make an app? - What for? - To see the Governor.
Ask your personal officer.
l've got enough on my plate.
lt's about wanting to change my personal officer.
Oh, heaven preserve us! All right, sister? l'm Tanya.
How's it with you? One time! (Giggling) Yeah, just arrived, man.
l got busted for possession.
You probably got word, yeah? Do l know you? Mm-mm.
l'm just saying, what's up? What's up! (Sucks teeth) So, erwho is you? l is a sister what is gonna mash your head if you don't get out of my face! - You get me? - (Catcalls) That's it, that's it! See ya! Bye-bye! - You gonna eat that? - No, please.
You take it.
You trying to make me fat? No! l just think l'm going to throw up, that's all.
So, er, how does it work in here? Do we all stick together against the officers? Tine told us you're bunking in the four-bed.
Maybe we'll share out that gear you've brung in.
- Gear? - You've not got any crutched? Crutched? What are you talking about? Drugs? You reckon l managed to get drugs in here? - Dead right.
- You're wrong.
And l'm not a dealer, l was pissing set up.
Frig me, another innocent one? You'd be amazed at how many's in here didn't do it, no? - Look, l mean it.
- Me too.
l never slit that wee blonde tart's throat.
lt was my twin sister, Fanny.
Oh, Jesus Christ! How am l going to deal with this shithole? You're talking about the place l live.
- You saying l'm shite an' all? - No.
We'll have another wee word after lockup.
Me, you and Darlene.
Darlene? That's a nice name.
ls it? Well, her second name's Cake.
lmagine that, Cake.
Cracks me up, so it does.
She's up for glassing a wee lassie in the face.
There she is, over there.
l've gotta make a phone call.
The cost of all phone calls will be docked from wages.
- Fine, just give me the sodding phone.
- Thank you.
- Rick? Tanya Turner.
- 'You took longer than l expected.
' Jesus, it's like bloody hell on earth here.
Look, l want to do that deal.
l've found her.
l'm sharing a bloody cell with her.
Look, you can visit me tomorrow.
l've arranged it.
'Good girl, Tanya.
Now, the best thing you can do is win her confidence, 'make out you want to be her best friend, yeah?' - No worries.
- 'OK.
Bye.
' - lt's nice, yeah? - Who are you? l'm Tanya.
You's Darlene, yeah? lt's wicked to meet you, girlfriend.
Big up.
How you do, take the piss? Cos me licking your neck and snap your head off! No, l wasn't.
Honest.
Wanna see what me do with racist bitches? No, l'm not.
Look, why don't you keep the dressing gown? lt's worth a grand - more.
You can have it.
Why you think me want your clothes? - Are you sayin' me a thief? - No.
l just want you to have it as a mark of respect.
(Sucks teeth) Oh, it suits you! l've got a lovely nightie to match.
Me nah wear no nightie! Well, is there anything else you'd like? l just want us to be mates so we can chat.
lf me want it, me take it.
And me and you will never be friends.
You understand? So shut up that mouth, Me no want hear it chat.
( Ragga) And me nah wanna see you dance neither.
(PA) 'All prisoners return to their cells.
'All prisoners return to their cells.
' - Hey! - What do you want? We haven't had chance for a chat.
Keep yourself to yourself a bit, don't you? Yeah.
Excuse me.
- l'm only trying to be sociable.
- Well, it's not happening for you, is it? l had nothing to do with importing young girls for sex.
Everyone else believes me, why don't you? l got a suspicious mind.
Fill it in, give it back, and you'll have your new personal officer.
You won't see me for a while.
Maybe that's a good thing.
l followed you in here so we could be together.
- Your choice.
- No, there was no choice.
That's the whole point.
l did it because l couldn't bear not to be with you.
Can't you trust me to do what's best for both of us? l love you.
Make your bed up.
Anybody want a cig? Cheers! Whoops! Darlene? lt look like you nah listen to what me a say.
Sistah! (Clears throat) Di sent them.
As a thank you to everyone for being so nice to Jim.
- l think she was trying to make a point.
- That's Di all over.
- She baked them herself.
- ln the shape of keyholes.
- Get it? - l'm full.
- l can't wait to leave this place.
- Looking forward to your holiday? Not really.
l'll be on my own.
Oh, l'm sure you can find some bloke to take you.
Three guesses who this is for.
The footballer's wife.
Luxury hamper, if you please.
Mm.
Quails' eggs.
Brown sugar swizzle sticks.
Don't mind if l do.
- You can't help yourself.
- Oh, do me a favour.
- They shouldn't be allowed in.
- Why's it here? Grayling.
Wants to keep Turner happy and her mouth shut.
Bending over backwards, it seems, in case she blabs to the press.
Metal.
Can't have that.
Dubious.
Mm.
Well, that looks like a dangerous weapon.
Mm.
French corni-chons.
Looks like gherkins to me.
Huh! Well, she can have those minus the jar.
- Right, l'll see you in two weeks.
- Well, you never know.
Anyone want these? - Bye.
- Bye.
Well, she can have that in the morning - if she survives the night.
Aargh! Get off! - No, don't! - Shut it, Tine! She's no' playing the big 'l am' any longer.
- l'll give you something if you stop! - Oh, aye? l know where l can get some hooch.
- Hooch? How yah chat about? - Yeah, it's home-made booze.
l can get it tomorrow, l know where it's hidden, just please stop! You'll get it for us anyway.
You hear that, gal? Me want some hooch with me breakfast! Ugh! There's not enough for tea, let alone pancakes.
l already whipped the eggs.
Sounds like it's ready to explode in there.
- What's ready to explode? - Miss! Erm Sausages we've had down this morning.
- Well past their sell-by date.
- Ugh! Well past.
- There's nothing wrong with them.
- Well, you try them, then.
- We'd rather have pancakes.
- Don't tell me what to do, Saunders.
Johnston, come with me.
There's a weight to shift from the office.
l'll come too, Miss.
l need to borrow some milk.
Come on, hurry up! There.
Fetch it to the four-bed dorm for Turner.
Yes, miss.
Tull, the servery needs some of your milk.
- Sorry? - l'm making pancakes.
Stores ain't open.
This is for the offices' tea.
l mean, l wouldn't want to run out on my first day.
Look, there's more than a litre there.
And we'll wait for our tea.
Cheers.
So, who yah say make this one? Scott Henshaw.
Scott Henshaw.
How much you pay for it? - About 300 quid.
- Rahtid! You're off your box, man! Paying that for a jumper! You think it look better 'pon me than you? What you think? - Come on, you.
- Delivery for Turner.
As per via security.
Which brings us to the drug test results.
As l'm sure you've heard, there was a mix-up.
There was from the word go, in my opinion.
So we'll have to do them again.
l'll let you know when.
OK, unlock.
Oh, and Colin, erm, l'll have our new celebrity in for induction after breakfast.
ls it going to be sly digs for the next month? - l thought l gave you a chance.
- What? On a month's notice? l could have you out that door, right now, facing criminal charges.
No references, no pension.
lf you're too slow or smacked up to see that, maybe l should change my mind.
Couldn't eat it all on my own.
Help yourselves.
To what? Not even any chocolate or nothing.
All this money, and you spend it on shite! Like, who eats fruit? Maybe there's something in here.
Taste like it supposed to be some kinda biscuit.
Looks like thistles.
Tastes like thistles an' all! Ah! - Wow, you look knackered.
- Yeah, rough night, rough morning.
- Do you get a lot of hassle in here? - Could say that.
Not surprising, good-looking bloke like you.
Yeah, well, not that sort of hassle.
Ah, you mean from the boss woman.
Hard bitch, isn't she? Listen, l know her and believe me, she's a There's a few things l could tell you about Frances Myers.
Oh, yeah? Some of the vice squad that nicked my ex Paul, they had a few stories about her.
Apparently she loved acting the tart.
She could never tell when the job was over and playtime began.
- That's why they kicked her out.
- Makes no difference, l'm quitting soon.
- Well, have you got another job? - No, it's time to move on.
l don't suppose this has anything to do with Myers? You all right, darling? How's it coming along? lt's a bit stiff.
Keeps me awake at night, but it's OK.
Oh.
Pancakes this morning, have a couple.
- No, can l just have a sausage? - Course.
As many as you like.
Tell the truth, we fancy bangers now.
You go off pancakes if you cook this many.
Not for me, thank you, l find dairy plays havoc with my skin.
No, l'll just have a little of that bacon, thank you.
- More for us, then.
- And for me! - ls that wise? - What? - How ya mean? You think l'm fat? - No, no! lt just pays to look after oneself.
ln ten years' time you'll thank me for that.
Ten years' time? Ten more years you look like yah go dead.
Petit dejeuner à deux, darling? Having that? Feel free.
Share it with Darlene.
- You'll waste away, Tanya.
- Gotta keep in shape.
lf you've finished, the wing governor wants to see you for your induction.
- l'm all yours.
- Clear away your breakfast things first.
Here's your hooch.
- Now leave her alone.
- Kicking! - Smells like some kind of - Just get it down your neck, man.
- Oh, mental! - Me's in hooch heaven! Hooch? Give me that.
Share it.
Oi! The first few nights are always the worst.
- What, easy from now on, is it? - No, it's tough.
But you can help yourself by cooperating.
Well, until l get released, l think a room of my own would help.
Haven't you noticed we have an overcrowding problem? Because judges send addicts like you to prison instead of rehab.
l'm not an addict.
And l'm not guilty, l was set up.
That's not my business.
What happens in here is.
Who gave you the make-over? Come on.
You didn't look like that yesterday.
Look, if you're being bullied, you can tell me, l can help.
Don't you worry about me, darling.
l'll sort out anybody who thinks they can get the better of me.
My girl! (Laughs) How you doing, babe? - l've been better.
- lt's good to see you, darling.
Well, sit down, sweetheart.
So, l ask again - how's it going? - You meet with my Darlene, yeah? - Have you seen what she did to me? - l want that bitch dead! - That can be taken care of.
- Anything's possible.
- l just want to get out of here.
Your ticket's waiting for you, Tanya.
Got a babymother ready to swear she put that white sugar in your handbag cos you was messing with her man.
My God! She must be a complete nutter, she'll get years for that! She's 16.
First offender, plus l gave her a load of money.
What you've go to worry about - is getting me a visit to Darlene.
- What's she done to you? - A very bad thing.
- Why can't you wait till she gets out? Let's just say l want to tick off my ''jobs done'' box.
l've tried to be friends with Darlene, but it's just not happening.
Maybe this will help.
A little memento from her brother Terence.
- Jesus! - Are you all right? - l feel like shit.
- Take a deep breath, let's go inside.
- l just want to go to bed.
- OK, Kris.
You'll be all right in a minute.
- Come on.
- (Retches) This place is nowhere for a pretty young thing.
How can l trust you? You don't have a choice, Tanya.
Now, who's the boss man in this gaff? Er, Mr Gray or something.
The woman in charge of my wing is Frances Myers.
Why? For the day l send word that they got the wrong girl, Tan.
Soon you'll be sipping a nice cocktail in one of them fancy clubs of yours.
Oh, don't, my mouth's watering.
lt's the first time in living memory l've not had any alcohol in my bloodstream.
- Don't worry, you'll be all right.
OK? - OK.
- See you.
- Bye.
(Buzzer) (Retching) Oh, flaming Nora! - What's going on here? - Vomiting, fever.
Everybody's getting it at the same time.
- Golf One to control, over.
- 'Control, over.
' lmmediate medical attention required on G Wing.
Jesus.
What's going on? (Splattering) - (Coughing) - Come on.
(Darlene groaning) Been stuffing your face on rich food? Oh dear.
- Me a-goin' cut you up.
- Me an' all.
ln your condition it might be easier just to listen.
l've been speaking to a friend of yours, Darlene.
My friend never talk to you.
Oh, this one had plenty to say.
Rick? You're testing his patience, aren't you? Not a smart move with a bloke like Rick.
You know how wound up he can get.
- How you know Rick? - Never mind about me.
lt's you he wants to meet.
He asked me to give you this.
What is it? Rick tells me it's a present from your little brother Terence.
Oh, my! Jesus Christ! - (Darlene) His thumb! - Oh, shit.
(Whimpering) - God, not another one.
- lt would have to be her.
Problem? No, l'm fine, l'm fine.
Well, it can get very hot in here.
What, they've all got heatstroke? As long as you're fighting fit, Tanya.
(Frances) You took your time.
(Sylvia) Oh, what the flamin' heck's goin' on? What's all this panic? Surely a bit of vomiting doesn't justify this hysteria.
Hysteria? The medical wing's full, they're lined up on trolleys.
Do something! lt's probably a viral infection.
Tell everybody to calm down and let it pass.
Right.
Er, listen up, ladies.
You're all to calm down and let it pass, all right? - (Retching and splattering) - And there's your answer.
Surprise.
lt's a case of letting them work it out through their systems.
- ln a couple of hours they'll be fine.
- lf not, then what? (Bev) l'm beginning to feel a little sick myself.
So am l.
(Coughing) l always said we should have gas masks and rubber gloves for this job.
Are you sure you don't want me to stay? Not unless you've got a medical qualification.
l wish.
Good luck.
According to your diagnosis, this was all to be over an hour ago.
Shame l won't be here to welcome Jim back.
Give him my best.
Fancy coming round for supper? l won't be seeing you for a bit.
Gammon steak? Sorry, l've made other arrangements.
Must be something special to turn down a gammon steak at Sylvia's.
- Do me a favour.
- Are you doing anything tonight? - lf you're not - You'll pick me up and chuck me out like all your other blokes? You know nothing about me, Colin.
l wasn't gonna ask you out.
l've got a date tonight and it's not you.
(Engine starts) Darlene, listen.
Me and you are gonna have to work something out.
- How could you? - You've gotta believe me.
l did not have a clue, l would never have taken thesoddingthing.
(Tina) Al? Al, are you all right? (Gasps) Oh, my God! Al? - She not sick more than me? - Al! Al! Help! Al! (Radio crackling) We have a medical emergency, we need an ambulance immediately.
The oesophagus is swollen.
Gonna have to do an emergency tracheotomy.
She's not breathing.
Please, somebody do something.
(Sobbing) Can you get her out of here? And her.
Heatstroke? - ( Lively music) - (Barman) Feel better? - Get me another and l'll let you know.
- l'll get that.
And a large Cognac.
Bloody 'ell.
My main man.
My main gal.
l thought you were safely off the streets stitching mailbags.
Must be you cops mistaking me for some other brother.
Yeah, well, long time no see.
Yeah, well, l've heard you've moved on since.
ls that because you quit or they wanted rid? lt's unlike you to believe all you hear, Rick.
(Barman) There you go.
Cheers.
Trying to say l've heard wrong? You still in plain clothes? Not tonight.
l like my girls with no clothes.
Well, you remember what l like.
How long has it been? Four minutes.
That's it, l'm afraid.
(Sobbing) Oh (Sobbing) You don't expect me to take this seriously.
l'm sorry but l follow up every lead.
- What the bloody hell's going on? - We're confiscating your hamper.
- Tanya Turner? - Yes.
l'm arresting you on suspicion of murder.
lt's nothing to do with Tanya Turner.
(Sniffs) lt's me what poisoned 'em.
(Sniffs) l'm a murderer.
l meant it when l said l wanted a drug-free wing.
So that goes for staff as well as prisoners.
There's a word for what you did to me - entrapment.
And my lawyers are going to prove it.
l don't want you to force my 14-year-old sister to give up her life in Canada and risk going to prison here.
Sorry, Kris.
l'm doing this for the both of us.
When shall we do it again? Tomorrow? Sorry, that's enough for me.
l've been considering resurrecting our career as master brewers.
Rhubarella cocktails all round! Every member of your staff tested positive - for heroin.
A quick job for a skilled mechanic, with a hand from her assistant.
- Ju! Me hand, it's stuck! - Oh, Christ! - Look, calm down! - l can't get it out! Get it out! And l owe you.
Big time.
You look like you know what's going on.
What can you give me on it? Anything at all.
Nothing too important.
Look, ring me.
What's she had for breakfast, who's she sharing a cell with? Right? Worth a try.
Get a picture, John.
Gotta get a picture.
Get back! As you can see, rowdy scenes here, as Tanya Turner, the tabloid favourite, arrives at Larkhall Prison to begin her five-year sentence.
lt's a world away from the luxury of her former lifestyle.
'This is a defining moment for Tanya.
'As the van swings through the gate now, prison life awaits.
' - That van smelt like shit! - Oh, l'm sorry! We've been on at them for months to provide eau de toilette and hot towels.
- Er, what you doing with those? - You'll be given a list of permitted items.
l'd advise you to remove any expensive jewellery.
Well, l won't take your advice, thank you.
Up to you.
But don't come running to us if they go missing.
You can purchase a digital one with a rubber strap from the canteen.
From now on, you're just another criminal, Turner, no more.
This place is full of them, if you weren't told.
l'm not a criminal.
Those drugs were planted on me by some stupid bint.
- My lawyer's appealing.
- Keep that up and see where it gets you.
lf you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut and your nose clean.
A challenge for the likes of you.
Look, can't we come to some sort of arrangement? Just cut me some slack while my appeal goes ahead.
- l'll make it worth your while.
- Are you offering us a bribe? No.
Course not.
- Christ, l feel bloody naked.
- You will be.
ln the cubicle.
'All prisoners down tools, return to the wing.
' 'All prisoners down tools, return to the wing.
' Kris, l've booked a flight to Canada.
Once l'm there, l'll hire a detective if l have to.
l'm finding Milly and l'm bringing her home.
Thanks for letting me sodding know.
Only it's my sister we're talking about.
lt's none of your business.
Not any more.
lt is my business.
Look at me.
lf Milly ends up inside and l get out, l want nothing to do with you.
We're not living like this any more.
l'm going to get her.
Yeah.
And l'll tell Myers you're a fake screw.
l'll tell her you're only in here to be with your murderer girlfriend.
Knickers.
When can l have my first visit? l know l'm entitled to one.
- When we say so.
- We'll give you a visiting order.
You're also allowed one free phone call and a letter.
Turn around.
l want Mr Rick Revoir to visit me.
And Tanya Turner's joining us, which is just what we need right now.
Media spotlight, when every officer is testing positive for Class A drugs.
- You don't really believe that? - Do you have an explanation? - Trust me, l'll find one.
- You'd better, Frances.
- Have you put Buxton on the threes yet? - Buxton doesn't need her own cell.
Let's chuck her down the block and forget her.
Oh, for the next 12 years? Are you forgetting what she's guilty of? Your personal feelings are compromising your professionalism.
You don't know her.
l've dealt with my share of vicious bastards, none come close.
Let me know when you find out why all your staff have heroin in their urine.
A whole wing staffed by smack-heads.
What's the number one saying about that? He's saying what l'm saying - it's a cockup and whoever's responsible's walking.
Well, l'm not.
So you're telling me there's no chance it could've been a procedural error? Look, we've been following the same routine for years.
What, so nobody at the DST can make a mistake? Not with the double-checking we do.
Listen, just tell me, is there any possible explanation for how this happened? lf you're certain that the results can't be right, the only possible explanation is they've been tampered with - before they made it to the lab.
- Thank you.
(Crowd shouting) (Man) 'Come on, Tanya! One more! Give us a smile, sweetheart! That's it! 'Smile at the camera, come on! Smile! That's it! Why did you do it? To try and get back at me or something? Treat me like an idiot, Colin, and l'll make you so sorry.
- Don't understand what - The piss tests.
l know you got to them, l know you messed with them, so come on, why? You're a pathetic little boy.
Did you want to make me look stupid? Didn't do it to spite you.
Then why? Truth is - l'm a smack-head.
Smack-head.
- l'm off it now.
- Oh well, that's good to hear.
l don't care how bad the cold turkey is, l'm not going back.
l'll expect your resignation on my desk, first thing tomorrow morning.
- l told you, l'm off it.
- You spiked the piss tests.
- What's going to happen next time? - There'll be no next time.
l promise.
Believe me.
Look! l'll sign anything.
Right? A statement.
- Look, l can't lose my job, or l'll - Or what? Go back on the smack? No, you need professional help.
Look, l know some people.
You can work your notice, on one condition - you test every two days.
And now you can go and collect Buxton and move her up to the threes.
Please.
What as yet's unknown is precisely how potent it's gonna be.
We'll just have to test it.
Measure by controlled measure.
Well, talk about toiling for our tipple! Yeah, but just think of the results.
l mean, who needs garden jobs when the sodding garden can come to us? And Myers thinks she's got the better of us! l just got your latest piss test results.
- Squeaky.
- l should hope so too.
l think we've proved to you, Miss Myers, that we're as good as our word.
So isn't it about time you gave me that job you promised? We've played fair by you.
Well, you look like you could operate a kettle.
First thing tomorrow.
Early start.
lf you're not up and ready, you're sacked.
- The kettle calls.
- Mm, early start.
Hopefully, an early finish.
- Everything all right? - Bubbling away nicely.
Yeah.
Don't smell too good though.
Oh, l think you might be surprised.
l think it'll have a certain fruity bouquet.
lt won't have for Myers.
You want anything else, let us know.
Oh, thank you, Julie, but l don't deserve it.
You're joking! lf it weren't for you, l wouldn't have an arm to serve it with - if you hadn't saved me.
- We want to make it up to you.
- You want anything, you just ask.
- Ask.
- Thank you for giving me a chance.
- 'Ere, Tanya! (Whooping and whistling) (Sylvia) Hey! Shut it! Shut it! - Any chance for tonight, darling? - Behave yourself! Ain't she beautiful? - Eyes forward, sweetheart.
- On your way, Buxton! Come on, l haven't got all day.
- After that you're moving to threes.
- Oh, er, Mr Hedges.
Was it your idea to give me a private cell? lt's orders.
That bunk there's coming vacant.
Put your stuff down and out for tea.
Did you hear me, cloth-ears? Get a shift on.
- When can l have my phone call? - When you do as you're told.
Now move! l want to see the manager, or the boss, or whatever.
Manager? You're not in one of your fancy hotels now! l was told l was allowed to make a free phone call.
You'll have to wait until after 6pm.
Unless you move it! Fuckin' hell! You're Tanya Turner, ain't you? l'm Tina.
And, er these here are the Julies.
- Hi.
- We heard you was on your way.
- So, where they put you? - Oh, in a dormitory thing.
Four-bed? l'm in there.
Great.
So Where d'you get your suit from? lt's well nice.
Milan.
Oh.
l ain't never heard of him.
Anyway, we can have a little natter later, yeah? Can't wait! You know Milan, Tine.
We're always nipping over there to go shopping.
Yeah, where we get our designer pinnies.
- Lend 'em if you like.
- Look, l don't want any trouble.
Talking to people like they're shit on your shoe ain't the way to act then, is it? OK.
l'm sorry.
l've got some signed photos in my bag if you want one.
- Can l have two? - Yeah, of course.
Oh, cheers! - What's that? - Larkhall Surprise.
Out of caviar.
Sorry.
Yeah, well, from what l hear, it's, um, well-deserved.
Couldn't let poor Julie get sawn in half, could l? - Anyone would've done it.
- No, l don't know about that.
You're one of the good ones, aren't you? What, for a screw? You know what l mean.
Don't suppose l'd stand a chance though, what with Myers around.
- Myers? - Yeah.
You're the headmistress's little favourite, aren't you? You couldn't be more wrong.
l mean, she's not my type.
Mm-hm.
So, what is, then? Just now, a takeaway curry and the sports channel.
Mrs Hollamby, can l make an app? - What for? - To see the Governor.
Ask your personal officer.
l've got enough on my plate.
lt's about wanting to change my personal officer.
Oh, heaven preserve us! All right, sister? l'm Tanya.
How's it with you? One time! (Giggling) Yeah, just arrived, man.
l got busted for possession.
You probably got word, yeah? Do l know you? Mm-mm.
l'm just saying, what's up? What's up! (Sucks teeth) So, erwho is you? l is a sister what is gonna mash your head if you don't get out of my face! - You get me? - (Catcalls) That's it, that's it! See ya! Bye-bye! - You gonna eat that? - No, please.
You take it.
You trying to make me fat? No! l just think l'm going to throw up, that's all.
So, er, how does it work in here? Do we all stick together against the officers? Tine told us you're bunking in the four-bed.
Maybe we'll share out that gear you've brung in.
- Gear? - You've not got any crutched? Crutched? What are you talking about? Drugs? You reckon l managed to get drugs in here? - Dead right.
- You're wrong.
And l'm not a dealer, l was pissing set up.
Frig me, another innocent one? You'd be amazed at how many's in here didn't do it, no? - Look, l mean it.
- Me too.
l never slit that wee blonde tart's throat.
lt was my twin sister, Fanny.
Oh, Jesus Christ! How am l going to deal with this shithole? You're talking about the place l live.
- You saying l'm shite an' all? - No.
We'll have another wee word after lockup.
Me, you and Darlene.
Darlene? That's a nice name.
ls it? Well, her second name's Cake.
lmagine that, Cake.
Cracks me up, so it does.
She's up for glassing a wee lassie in the face.
There she is, over there.
l've gotta make a phone call.
The cost of all phone calls will be docked from wages.
- Fine, just give me the sodding phone.
- Thank you.
- Rick? Tanya Turner.
- 'You took longer than l expected.
' Jesus, it's like bloody hell on earth here.
Look, l want to do that deal.
l've found her.
l'm sharing a bloody cell with her.
Look, you can visit me tomorrow.
l've arranged it.
'Good girl, Tanya.
Now, the best thing you can do is win her confidence, 'make out you want to be her best friend, yeah?' - No worries.
- 'OK.
Bye.
' - lt's nice, yeah? - Who are you? l'm Tanya.
You's Darlene, yeah? lt's wicked to meet you, girlfriend.
Big up.
How you do, take the piss? Cos me licking your neck and snap your head off! No, l wasn't.
Honest.
Wanna see what me do with racist bitches? No, l'm not.
Look, why don't you keep the dressing gown? lt's worth a grand - more.
You can have it.
Why you think me want your clothes? - Are you sayin' me a thief? - No.
l just want you to have it as a mark of respect.
(Sucks teeth) Oh, it suits you! l've got a lovely nightie to match.
Me nah wear no nightie! Well, is there anything else you'd like? l just want us to be mates so we can chat.
lf me want it, me take it.
And me and you will never be friends.
You understand? So shut up that mouth, Me no want hear it chat.
( Ragga) And me nah wanna see you dance neither.
(PA) 'All prisoners return to their cells.
'All prisoners return to their cells.
' - Hey! - What do you want? We haven't had chance for a chat.
Keep yourself to yourself a bit, don't you? Yeah.
Excuse me.
- l'm only trying to be sociable.
- Well, it's not happening for you, is it? l had nothing to do with importing young girls for sex.
Everyone else believes me, why don't you? l got a suspicious mind.
Fill it in, give it back, and you'll have your new personal officer.
You won't see me for a while.
Maybe that's a good thing.
l followed you in here so we could be together.
- Your choice.
- No, there was no choice.
That's the whole point.
l did it because l couldn't bear not to be with you.
Can't you trust me to do what's best for both of us? l love you.
Make your bed up.
Anybody want a cig? Cheers! Whoops! Darlene? lt look like you nah listen to what me a say.
Sistah! (Clears throat) Di sent them.
As a thank you to everyone for being so nice to Jim.
- l think she was trying to make a point.
- That's Di all over.
- She baked them herself.
- ln the shape of keyholes.
- Get it? - l'm full.
- l can't wait to leave this place.
- Looking forward to your holiday? Not really.
l'll be on my own.
Oh, l'm sure you can find some bloke to take you.
Three guesses who this is for.
The footballer's wife.
Luxury hamper, if you please.
Mm.
Quails' eggs.
Brown sugar swizzle sticks.
Don't mind if l do.
- You can't help yourself.
- Oh, do me a favour.
- They shouldn't be allowed in.
- Why's it here? Grayling.
Wants to keep Turner happy and her mouth shut.
Bending over backwards, it seems, in case she blabs to the press.
Metal.
Can't have that.
Dubious.
Mm.
Well, that looks like a dangerous weapon.
Mm.
French corni-chons.
Looks like gherkins to me.
Huh! Well, she can have those minus the jar.
- Right, l'll see you in two weeks.
- Well, you never know.
Anyone want these? - Bye.
- Bye.
Well, she can have that in the morning - if she survives the night.
Aargh! Get off! - No, don't! - Shut it, Tine! She's no' playing the big 'l am' any longer.
- l'll give you something if you stop! - Oh, aye? l know where l can get some hooch.
- Hooch? How yah chat about? - Yeah, it's home-made booze.
l can get it tomorrow, l know where it's hidden, just please stop! You'll get it for us anyway.
You hear that, gal? Me want some hooch with me breakfast! Ugh! There's not enough for tea, let alone pancakes.
l already whipped the eggs.
Sounds like it's ready to explode in there.
- What's ready to explode? - Miss! Erm Sausages we've had down this morning.
- Well past their sell-by date.
- Ugh! Well past.
- There's nothing wrong with them.
- Well, you try them, then.
- We'd rather have pancakes.
- Don't tell me what to do, Saunders.
Johnston, come with me.
There's a weight to shift from the office.
l'll come too, Miss.
l need to borrow some milk.
Come on, hurry up! There.
Fetch it to the four-bed dorm for Turner.
Yes, miss.
Tull, the servery needs some of your milk.
- Sorry? - l'm making pancakes.
Stores ain't open.
This is for the offices' tea.
l mean, l wouldn't want to run out on my first day.
Look, there's more than a litre there.
And we'll wait for our tea.
Cheers.
So, who yah say make this one? Scott Henshaw.
Scott Henshaw.
How much you pay for it? - About 300 quid.
- Rahtid! You're off your box, man! Paying that for a jumper! You think it look better 'pon me than you? What you think? - Come on, you.
- Delivery for Turner.
As per via security.
Which brings us to the drug test results.
As l'm sure you've heard, there was a mix-up.
There was from the word go, in my opinion.
So we'll have to do them again.
l'll let you know when.
OK, unlock.
Oh, and Colin, erm, l'll have our new celebrity in for induction after breakfast.
ls it going to be sly digs for the next month? - l thought l gave you a chance.
- What? On a month's notice? l could have you out that door, right now, facing criminal charges.
No references, no pension.
lf you're too slow or smacked up to see that, maybe l should change my mind.
Couldn't eat it all on my own.
Help yourselves.
To what? Not even any chocolate or nothing.
All this money, and you spend it on shite! Like, who eats fruit? Maybe there's something in here.
Taste like it supposed to be some kinda biscuit.
Looks like thistles.
Tastes like thistles an' all! Ah! - Wow, you look knackered.
- Yeah, rough night, rough morning.
- Do you get a lot of hassle in here? - Could say that.
Not surprising, good-looking bloke like you.
Yeah, well, not that sort of hassle.
Ah, you mean from the boss woman.
Hard bitch, isn't she? Listen, l know her and believe me, she's a There's a few things l could tell you about Frances Myers.
Oh, yeah? Some of the vice squad that nicked my ex Paul, they had a few stories about her.
Apparently she loved acting the tart.
She could never tell when the job was over and playtime began.
- That's why they kicked her out.
- Makes no difference, l'm quitting soon.
- Well, have you got another job? - No, it's time to move on.
l don't suppose this has anything to do with Myers? You all right, darling? How's it coming along? lt's a bit stiff.
Keeps me awake at night, but it's OK.
Oh.
Pancakes this morning, have a couple.
- No, can l just have a sausage? - Course.
As many as you like.
Tell the truth, we fancy bangers now.
You go off pancakes if you cook this many.
Not for me, thank you, l find dairy plays havoc with my skin.
No, l'll just have a little of that bacon, thank you.
- More for us, then.
- And for me! - ls that wise? - What? - How ya mean? You think l'm fat? - No, no! lt just pays to look after oneself.
ln ten years' time you'll thank me for that.
Ten years' time? Ten more years you look like yah go dead.
Petit dejeuner à deux, darling? Having that? Feel free.
Share it with Darlene.
- You'll waste away, Tanya.
- Gotta keep in shape.
lf you've finished, the wing governor wants to see you for your induction.
- l'm all yours.
- Clear away your breakfast things first.
Here's your hooch.
- Now leave her alone.
- Kicking! - Smells like some kind of - Just get it down your neck, man.
- Oh, mental! - Me's in hooch heaven! Hooch? Give me that.
Share it.
Oi! The first few nights are always the worst.
- What, easy from now on, is it? - No, it's tough.
But you can help yourself by cooperating.
Well, until l get released, l think a room of my own would help.
Haven't you noticed we have an overcrowding problem? Because judges send addicts like you to prison instead of rehab.
l'm not an addict.
And l'm not guilty, l was set up.
That's not my business.
What happens in here is.
Who gave you the make-over? Come on.
You didn't look like that yesterday.
Look, if you're being bullied, you can tell me, l can help.
Don't you worry about me, darling.
l'll sort out anybody who thinks they can get the better of me.
My girl! (Laughs) How you doing, babe? - l've been better.
- lt's good to see you, darling.
Well, sit down, sweetheart.
So, l ask again - how's it going? - You meet with my Darlene, yeah? - Have you seen what she did to me? - l want that bitch dead! - That can be taken care of.
- Anything's possible.
- l just want to get out of here.
Your ticket's waiting for you, Tanya.
Got a babymother ready to swear she put that white sugar in your handbag cos you was messing with her man.
My God! She must be a complete nutter, she'll get years for that! She's 16.
First offender, plus l gave her a load of money.
What you've go to worry about - is getting me a visit to Darlene.
- What's she done to you? - A very bad thing.
- Why can't you wait till she gets out? Let's just say l want to tick off my ''jobs done'' box.
l've tried to be friends with Darlene, but it's just not happening.
Maybe this will help.
A little memento from her brother Terence.
- Jesus! - Are you all right? - l feel like shit.
- Take a deep breath, let's go inside.
- l just want to go to bed.
- OK, Kris.
You'll be all right in a minute.
- Come on.
- (Retches) This place is nowhere for a pretty young thing.
How can l trust you? You don't have a choice, Tanya.
Now, who's the boss man in this gaff? Er, Mr Gray or something.
The woman in charge of my wing is Frances Myers.
Why? For the day l send word that they got the wrong girl, Tan.
Soon you'll be sipping a nice cocktail in one of them fancy clubs of yours.
Oh, don't, my mouth's watering.
lt's the first time in living memory l've not had any alcohol in my bloodstream.
- Don't worry, you'll be all right.
OK? - OK.
- See you.
- Bye.
(Buzzer) (Retching) Oh, flaming Nora! - What's going on here? - Vomiting, fever.
Everybody's getting it at the same time.
- Golf One to control, over.
- 'Control, over.
' lmmediate medical attention required on G Wing.
Jesus.
What's going on? (Splattering) - (Coughing) - Come on.
(Darlene groaning) Been stuffing your face on rich food? Oh dear.
- Me a-goin' cut you up.
- Me an' all.
ln your condition it might be easier just to listen.
l've been speaking to a friend of yours, Darlene.
My friend never talk to you.
Oh, this one had plenty to say.
Rick? You're testing his patience, aren't you? Not a smart move with a bloke like Rick.
You know how wound up he can get.
- How you know Rick? - Never mind about me.
lt's you he wants to meet.
He asked me to give you this.
What is it? Rick tells me it's a present from your little brother Terence.
Oh, my! Jesus Christ! - (Darlene) His thumb! - Oh, shit.
(Whimpering) - God, not another one.
- lt would have to be her.
Problem? No, l'm fine, l'm fine.
Well, it can get very hot in here.
What, they've all got heatstroke? As long as you're fighting fit, Tanya.
(Frances) You took your time.
(Sylvia) Oh, what the flamin' heck's goin' on? What's all this panic? Surely a bit of vomiting doesn't justify this hysteria.
Hysteria? The medical wing's full, they're lined up on trolleys.
Do something! lt's probably a viral infection.
Tell everybody to calm down and let it pass.
Right.
Er, listen up, ladies.
You're all to calm down and let it pass, all right? - (Retching and splattering) - And there's your answer.
Surprise.
lt's a case of letting them work it out through their systems.
- ln a couple of hours they'll be fine.
- lf not, then what? (Bev) l'm beginning to feel a little sick myself.
So am l.
(Coughing) l always said we should have gas masks and rubber gloves for this job.
Are you sure you don't want me to stay? Not unless you've got a medical qualification.
l wish.
Good luck.
According to your diagnosis, this was all to be over an hour ago.
Shame l won't be here to welcome Jim back.
Give him my best.
Fancy coming round for supper? l won't be seeing you for a bit.
Gammon steak? Sorry, l've made other arrangements.
Must be something special to turn down a gammon steak at Sylvia's.
- Do me a favour.
- Are you doing anything tonight? - lf you're not - You'll pick me up and chuck me out like all your other blokes? You know nothing about me, Colin.
l wasn't gonna ask you out.
l've got a date tonight and it's not you.
(Engine starts) Darlene, listen.
Me and you are gonna have to work something out.
- How could you? - You've gotta believe me.
l did not have a clue, l would never have taken thesoddingthing.
(Tina) Al? Al, are you all right? (Gasps) Oh, my God! Al? - She not sick more than me? - Al! Al! Help! Al! (Radio crackling) We have a medical emergency, we need an ambulance immediately.
The oesophagus is swollen.
Gonna have to do an emergency tracheotomy.
She's not breathing.
Please, somebody do something.
(Sobbing) Can you get her out of here? And her.
Heatstroke? - ( Lively music) - (Barman) Feel better? - Get me another and l'll let you know.
- l'll get that.
And a large Cognac.
Bloody 'ell.
My main man.
My main gal.
l thought you were safely off the streets stitching mailbags.
Must be you cops mistaking me for some other brother.
Yeah, well, long time no see.
Yeah, well, l've heard you've moved on since.
ls that because you quit or they wanted rid? lt's unlike you to believe all you hear, Rick.
(Barman) There you go.
Cheers.
Trying to say l've heard wrong? You still in plain clothes? Not tonight.
l like my girls with no clothes.
Well, you remember what l like.
How long has it been? Four minutes.
That's it, l'm afraid.
(Sobbing) Oh (Sobbing) You don't expect me to take this seriously.
l'm sorry but l follow up every lead.
- What the bloody hell's going on? - We're confiscating your hamper.
- Tanya Turner? - Yes.
l'm arresting you on suspicion of murder.
lt's nothing to do with Tanya Turner.
(Sniffs) lt's me what poisoned 'em.
(Sniffs) l'm a murderer.