Comic Book Men s06e06 Episode Script
Joust-a-Bouts
1 [upbeat music.]
If you could pick two superheroes to be your parents, who would they be? Invisible Woman and Batman.
Never see 'em.
You want an absentee dad? - Don't you want your dad - You're not gonna see mom either - since she's the Invisible Woman.
- [laughter.]
You know, I don't need that much supervision, so I'm good.
- "I'm in my 40s now.
" - [laughter.]
"I can take care of myself.
" What about you? Um, I would pick the two most iconic comic book characters of all time to be my parents: Batman and Superman.
Who's the mom? [stammers.]
There is no mom.
I have two wonderful, loving, nurturing fathers.
And how are you gonna explain this to people? I don't think any explanations are needed anymore.
I'm not even talking about the progressive angle.
I'm talking about how have these two gods spawned you? [laughter.]
[heroic music.]
[laughs.]
Hello, welcome to another episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show dumb enough to bet on the Boltons in the Battle of the Bastards.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Tell me what you seen lately.
Some really, really fun stuff I look back on that just makes you smile every time you read it.
[upbeat music.]
Hey, what can we do for you? Hello, gentlemen.
I had called in about a book.
"Batman" 111? That's right, yes.
We put it aside for you.
- Here it is.
- Ooh.
"Batman" 111, man.
Look at that cover.
That is a beauty.
Batman and Robin as ye old knights.
- - [upbeat music.]
Why are they dressed in knight uniforms? In this issue, they have radiation suits underneath the armor.
Was there, like, an atomic threat? In the in the early '60s? Yeah.
[laughter.]
This is a combination of all the things I love, man: Batman and knights.
I love this cover.
It features artwork by Sheldon Moldoff, one of the Silver Age greats.
So powerful.
So dynamic.
Batman and Robin swinging in on their chains to save Gotham decked out in knights of armor.
- Awesome.
- I love knights.
Probably one of my favorite things next to Batman.
Growing up as a kid, I put the G.
I.
Joes aside, and I played with little knights.
You know, have them save the little princess in the castle.
They were just the badasses of that time, - you know, they just - A man after my own heart.
A man who knows that knights are cool.
But I know I wouldn'ta last a second back in the day, you know, when the knights ruled the earth.
I don't got the right stuff to be a knight.
You don't got the moxie? No, I don't think any of us do.
Well, what what are you talking about? I bet I could do it: wear a suit of armor, like, go, rush into battle.
Just putting on some armor - doesn't mean you're a knight.
- I know.
I mean, you're expendable here.
I can't imagine on the battlefield.
[laughter.]
You're so far from being a knight, you're day.
- [laughter.]
- You're, uh You'd be I see you as a squire at best.
Help feed the horse or "Where is my piss bucket?" That's that's when they're thinking of squire Ming.
You don't think I'd pick up a sword? If you're gonna hand it to somebody.
[laughter.]
The book is $125.
- $125.
- Mm-hmm.
You mind if I take a closer look? Absolutely.
Go right ahead.
It's a ten-center.
Early Silver Age.
Well, it definitely has some spine stress.
Mm.
It's got a nice little ink pen stamp.
[groans.]
I mean, the book inside looks good.
Would you do $75? [sucks air.]
Ooh.
No.
I got some wiggle room, but not that much.
I could do mm $110? $110.
How about $85? There's, uh, a moat between us basically right now.
- Yeah.
- Uh Hey, man, but what I got this idea.
What if we settle it like they did back in ye olden knight times? Okay.
All right? How about if you best my best knight in a joust, you get it for $85, but if my knight beats you, you give me 100 bucks? Wait, wait, wait.
Jousting? - A joust - Joust.
Over the fate of $15.
- [laughter.]
- Come on.
You're not up for it? You talked the talk.
Now walk the walk.
How are we gonna do this? Like Tape some posters together, you guys will go at it.
May the best knight win.
All right, that seems fair.
I will defend my honor.
You have no honor to defend.
[laughter.]
Are ye ready, knights? Ready, good sir! Joust.
[exciting music.]
Oh, my god.
This is the Wolverine Legendary Scale from Sideshow Collectibles.
That's got to be the most legendary statue I've ever laid eyes on.
If you best my best knight in a joust, you get "Batman" 111 for $85, but if my knight beats you, you give me 100 bucks.
Wait, wait, wait.
Jousting? - A joust - Joust.
Over the fate of $15.
- [laughter.]
- Bum, bum.
I came up with a little, uh, jousting exercise to see who would best who on the field of battle at the Stash.
That sounds filthier than I imagine you meant it, man.
Like, "Two boys jousting in the Stash.
" With their lances out.
Looks like they're gonna have sexcalibur.
[laughter.]
Pull it out! Pull it out! [laughter.]
Are ye ready, knights? - Ready.
- Ready, good sir! On my mark.
Get set.
Joust.
[exciting music.]
Ah-oh! - [laughter.]
- Ohho.
What was that? Did you get me? [stammering.]
Yeah.
Direct hit right to your nards.
I didn't feel anything.
[laughs.]
No (bleep).
[laughter.]
Two more passes.
Joust.
[exciting music.]
- Ooh! - both: Ooh.
- Ming got one in that time.
- Ho-ho.
- This is the final pass.
- All right.
Whoever gets this one's gonna win it.
- Okay.
- Joust! - [exciting music.]
- Don't choke up so much, Ming.
- Oh -ho! - both: Oh! - Ming.
- Oh-ho! both: Oh! - Oh.
- Oh! Good job, sir.
Guess you showed me you're you're the winner here today.
[laughter.]
I can't believe it.
I thought you were gonna eh What's not to believe? You thought he was gonna win? - [laughter.]
- Yeah.
All right, if you best my knight, you get it for how much? $85.
[bag rustling.]
- Boom.
- Thank you.
- Hey, thank you.
- Job well done.
Good fight.
Don't cry yet.
[whooshing.]
[upbeat music.]
How you doing? - Good; how are you? - Good.
I have a special limited edition action figure you might be interested in.
All right, what is it? [groans.]
[laughter.]
Yeah, Mr.
Clean.
- - [upbeat music.]
I collect advertising merchandise.
- You do? - Figures, pops, buttons.
I've got Jolly Green Giant - Yes.
- Statue.
I've got the Keebler elf.
Trix Rabbit.
I got Franken Berry, Count Chocula, and, um, Boo-Berry plush little, uh, like Beanie Babies.
Very cool.
I've nev I've never understood why.
Why do you collect advertising mascots? These characters, I don't see them as salesmen.
I see them as, you know, like, when I was watching my favorite shows, they would come on on in little commercials and they'd be more bonus entertainment.
They take me back to a time when, um, advertising was more innocent.
Mr.
Clean.
What's more innocent than Mr.
Clean? Any unreal character selling you a real product.
Yeah, that's where you made the most connections, I feel, like, especially with kids.
They became like a part of your childhood.
Was Mr.
Clean ever anybody's favorite? Did you Oh.
Hoho.
He was respected in our house.
Like, that's your mom's corporate pitch man.
Originally, he was meant to be a sailor.
Yeah, but he doesn't look like a sailor.
I always thought he was a genie.
Me too.
It was more like, you know, "I am the genie of the lamp" kind of genie.
Sorta looks like Popeye.
Don't you think? What about the the huge under bite that Popeye had? I think he looks nothing like Popeye, actually.
Well, he's not a cartoon, but he's right.
He is kind of like a smooth sailor with Well, Popeye didn't have an earring.
And he is wearing a T He's nothing like Popeye.
[laughter.]
I was trying to help, Zap, but there's there's nothing Popeye about him.
You know, I would put Mr.
Clean up there on the pantheon of recognizable advertising characters in the hall of fame.
He's definitely in there.
Who else is in that hall of fame? I mean, uh, you know, Chef Boyardee maybe? Absolutely.
Rice Krispies guys.
both: Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Yeah, I agree that they should make it.
Aunt Jemima.
Racially charged, but correct.
[laughter.]
So where'd you get it? Well, um, I have a confession.
I used to have a little crush on Mr.
Clean when I was younger.
And a girlfriend of mine saw this and gave it to me as a gift.
But not anymore.
No, I think it's time for him to go.
Any other crushes on, uh, - a-any advertising spokesmen? - [laughter.]
Hey, other people have a thing for Batman.
He's just he fights, you know, grime instead of crime.
all: Ooh! [laughs.]
You've We've all just been poned.
- [laughter.]
- Badly.
I'm sorry.
Do you consider Mr.
Clean a superhero? [laughter.]
Maybe he's better at cleaning than Batman.
Batman, you know, he's one part of the one percenters? and someone's always been cleaning up for him like Alfred, but when has Mr.
Clean ever showed an interest in anything that goes on anywhere beyond the kitchen? [laughter.]
Like, "Mr.
Clean, there's a mugging outside.
" He's like, "Yeah, but this floor is really dirty.
We should do something about this.
" [laughter.]
So you're here 'cause you're ready to move on.
Yes.
You want a real Mr.
Clean in your life? - Yeah.
- Not an action figure.
Yeah.
That would be good.
[laughs.]
How much you looking to get for it? I don't know.
$25.
Well, I'm kind of on top of the advertising action figure game.
This piece is not worth $25, though.
Would you take 10 bucks for it? Mm.
- $15? - All right.
- You got it.
$15.
- Yay.
[laughs.]
[register whirs.]
- There you go.
- Thank you so much.
- All right.
- Have a good day.
You too.
That is the most impressive statue I've ever seen in my entire life.
This is definitely for the refined collector.
Seeing if y'all might be interested in picking up this old book of mine, "The Death of Captain Marvel.
" One of the greatest comic book stories ever told.
Favorite real life or animated pitch man/woman or character.
Go.
Animated, gotta go with Tony the Tiger.
They're guh-reat! Yeah, my God.
That's classic right there.
Have you seen that conspiracy theory that Tony the Tiger also was the Exxon tiger? I always thought that too.
They look close.
He worked for big food and big oil.
[laughter.]
Which is more powerful? [laughter.]
In my world, big food.
[laughter.]
They've literally run out of conspiracy theories now.
They're like, "Wait a second!" [laughter.]
What about you, Zap? Okay, the, uh, Maytag repairman.
Good pull.
What was his premise? He was so lonely 'cause Maytag never broke down, and he never got phone calls.
In your world, he was cool.
- Yeah.
- My God.
[laughter.]
[upbeat music.]
Oh, my God.
Whoa, whoa.
You need any help with that? Right here.
Right here.
- All right.
- Oh, wow.
Wow.
Look at that.
I don't know if anything like this.
This is the Wolverine Legendary Scale from Sideshow Collectibles.
That is the most impressive statue I've ever seen in my entire life.
- - [upbeat music.]
That's got to be the-the most legendary statue I've ever laid eyes on.
Right? I mean, I've seen the Statue of Liberty.
[laughter.]
That should be at Ellis Island right now.
What does it weigh? Oh, geez.
A good 50 pounds.
I think there's real adamantium in there.
- You know? Um - Ooh.
It feels like it.
It's it's just as heavy.
You a Wolverine fan? Oh, I'm the biggest Wolverine fan.
I even have, like, a Wolverine phone, pen set, original artwork from Jim Lee.
But this is what I really wanted.
I-I sought this out.
This is definitely for the refined collector.
Sideshow Collectibles started out as an action figure company.
You know, they did stuff you'd find in Toys "R" Us.
But then they slowly graduated towards more high end pieces.
It was actually made to order.
How many did they make? The number is limited to less than 5,000.
And it's sold out.
You can't get it from Sideshow anymore.
There's, like, scratches up here.
- Is that battle damage? - That's intentional.
- That's intentional, yeah.
- Yeah? The sculptor took a lot of details with the muscles, the arms, and even, like, the cracks in, like, the gloves and everything.
And he added battle damage to Wolverine's armor.
This is, like, fabric over cold cast resin.
- Yes.
- I mean, if you were to be able to get this off, I wonder if Ming would fit in it.
[laughter.]
The sculpts of these statues today.
They look like Michelangelo sculpted 'em.
And when they put fabric clothing on 'em, you're just like, "This is unreal.
It reminds you of going to a church and seeing a statue of the Lord dressed up.
- [laughter.]
- Like, you know what I'm saying? It's almost religious statue size.
It's huge.
What's the biggest collectible you ever had? I haven't had a lot of big collectibles.
Biggest collectible I ever got was the Han Solo frozen in carbonite.
It was so big, man.
And I remember I spent loot on it too.
I think it was like, 400 to 600 bucks.
Mm.
It got moved to a room where the dogs would hang out.
They started chewing his feet off.
[laughter.]
And took his fingers off as well, man.
Like, eventually, I was like, "I get it.
You guys don't like this.
" [laughter.]
Why do you want to get rid of it? Once I got it back to my house and everything, we realized that we really didn't have any place for it.
It was too big.
I think it's beautiful.
I think it's the best statue that's ever come in here.
It's an eye-grabber.
People walking in, man, it's the first thing they're gonna look at.
It does scream "look at me," but I mean, first off, how much are you looking for it? I'm asking $3,000 for it for today.
$3,000? I have seen them go recently for $2,500.
I don't think This come in a box an original box? Yep.
Got the boxes in the car.
Got the boxes in the car too.
Oh, my he's got the box, Mike.
He's got the box, but where are we gonna put it? We can't put it in any of our display cases.
We don't have anything that big, so it'd have to be out on the floor.
We run the risk of people touching it and breaking it.
- You're right.
You're right.
- So Have you met good cop, bad cop? [laughter.]
Yes.
It's why I have you here, to, uh, rein me in when I get, uh Excited about boxes? - Yeah.
- [laughter.]
It is beautiful, but I mean $3,000, no way.
No; there's no way we can do it for $3,000.
How about $2,000? I don't know if I can go that low.
No? Ugh.
$2,100.
$2,100.
$2,500's the lowest I can go.
It's impossible for me to, uh, to make any money on it then.
I think I'm gonna have to hang on to it.
I'm just gonna have to go home and tell my wife that Wolverine's staying.
[laughs.]
Thank you for bringing it in, man.
Of course.
Thank you.
Sorry we couldn't come to an agreement, but wish me luck, guys.
All right, you need any help with that? I think I'll be all right.
- I think I'll - Ooh.
- I think I'll be fine.
- Careful, man.
- Thanks.
- Wow.
Seeing if y'all might be interested in picking up this old book of mine, - "The Death of Captain Marvel.
" - Yeah.
It's one of those books that I rank in my top five.
It made you see comic books in a whole new light.
[upbeat music.]
If you could have any weapon as a prosthetic, you know, like Ash from "Evil Dead," he had the chainsaw.
What weapon would you pick and where would it be attached on you? I was always partial to Merle on "The Walking Dead.
" He had to cut off his own hand and replaced it with this metal cap.
Then he had a knife sticking out of it.
- How do you pop it? - You don't.
- Oh, it's always - It's always out.
- Oh, it's always out? - So yeah.
You're not gonna be able to get into any into concerts, nothing.
No one's gonna allow you in with your big gigantic sword.
Well, I keep my hand in my pocket, but that Yeah, that doesn't look suspicious.
[laughter.]
- You got one? - Yeah, I do.
Um, I'm all about practicality.
We are not fighting any zombies.
But I tell you what we are dealing with in the summer months: mosquitoes.
I'm gonna have a bug zapper on the end of this arm right there.
So you have a cage with a light inside it, and you think you're getting into a concert with that? - [laughter.]
- Yeah.
When the ballad comes on, I'm just like - [laughter.]
- Yes.
What about you, Ming? What do you got? You ever see that movie "Dusk Till Dawn"? There's a character in there called Sex Machine.
He had a gun down there.
- Down there? - Yeah.
Whoa.
So you don't have you don't have little Ming anymore? [laughter.]
Who's gonna see it, though? - Uh - Who's gonna see it? The same number of people that see little Ming.
[laughter.]
[upbeat music.]
- Hey, how are you? - Hey, what's up, fellas? - How y'all doing today? - Good.
Seeing if y'all might be interested in picking up this old book of mine, "The Death of Captain Marvel.
" Ooh.
Mike, remember this book? Oh, my god.
Of course.
One of the greatest comic book stories ever told.
- - [upbeat music.]
How seminal was this in the '80s? I mean, it's one of those books that I rank in my personal top five.
I-I can't say enough about this book.
You know anything about it? No.
I like the cover, though.
You got the Grim Reaper.
- That looks pretty metal.
- [laughter.]
Actually, the entire story was pretty metal.
Just to encapsulate it a little bit for you, Um, Captain Marvel was diagnosed with inoperable cancer.
And this story is about how a hero, you know, faces his final battle, and there's not a villain in the book.
It made you see comic books in a whole new light.
They weren't just funny books anymore.
Yeah, that's right.
A lot of superheroes have died, you know, in battle, but I don't think any superhero death has ever been more poignant and more honorable.
And brave too.
To even step up to the table and be like, "Hey, comic books are for kids, and I want to do a story about cancer.
" But Jim Starlin showed you that this medium could do a lot more than just like, "We're fighting each other.
Fighty fight time.
" 'Cause it's a powerful piece of writing, man.
So this character dies sadly, but opened the door for other Captain Marvels.
I-I always, uh, dig when, um, another character takes up the mantle and honors the legacy of-of a great superhero.
Yes.
So like the new Captain Marvel's great, but the original Captain Marvel, he had the greatest hair in comic books.
Did he? He was the Bon Jovi of comics.
[laughter.]
Look at some of the artwork in this book.
I mean, to this point, you I had never seen colors that looked as vibrant or as painted as this book did.
Some of the great pages that I remember the most were the, um, line of "All of Marvel's mightiest and most well-known heroes prepare to pay their respects.
" Mm.
There were some characters you were just like, "How did they control the Hulk to get down here?" I mean, how'd they explain it to him? Like, "Hey, um, could you stop rampaging for a few seconds and" Smash the cancer out of some dude? [laughter.]
So you're looking to sell today.
Mike, you want to let us know what your expert opinion is? I mean, it's not the worst copy I've ever seen, but unfortunately, it's got some issues.
Dog ears on the corners.
Um, some spine wear.
It's seen better days, but I got it when I was in the fifth grade, so Why are you looking to sell it now, though? I found I lucked into a better copy.
All right.
How much are you looking to get for it? - I was thinking maybe 40 bucks? - [grunts.]
[laughs.]
[sucks air.]
Ooh! - [laughs.]
- Ooh, I don't know.
Yeah, we couldn't even slap a $40 price tag on this.
But being in the state that it's in, um I mean, would you be able to take $15 for it? Can we go up a little more? Maybe $25? How about $20? I mean, I'm probably gonna put a you know, a $30 on it, so I mean - $20 sounds fine.
- You take $20? - I can do that, yeah.
- Done deal.
[cash register clicks.]
[upbeat music.]
- Here you go.
- Awesome.
- Thank you.
- Appreciate you.
Thanks for bringing it in.
[sighs.]
So cancer, huh? [laughter.]
And just like Captain Marvel, we're gonna say one word.
Blast outta here man.
For "Comic Book Men," I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
You don't need the Excalibur charm of making to get stuff done in life.
But just in case you do, anál nathrach, orth' bháis's bethad, do chél dénmha.
There you go.
Good night.
If you could pick two superheroes to be your parents, who would they be? Invisible Woman and Batman.
Never see 'em.
You want an absentee dad? - Don't you want your dad - You're not gonna see mom either - since she's the Invisible Woman.
- [laughter.]
You know, I don't need that much supervision, so I'm good.
- "I'm in my 40s now.
" - [laughter.]
"I can take care of myself.
" What about you? Um, I would pick the two most iconic comic book characters of all time to be my parents: Batman and Superman.
Who's the mom? [stammers.]
There is no mom.
I have two wonderful, loving, nurturing fathers.
And how are you gonna explain this to people? I don't think any explanations are needed anymore.
I'm not even talking about the progressive angle.
I'm talking about how have these two gods spawned you? [laughter.]
[heroic music.]
[laughs.]
Hello, welcome to another episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show dumb enough to bet on the Boltons in the Battle of the Bastards.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Tell me what you seen lately.
Some really, really fun stuff I look back on that just makes you smile every time you read it.
[upbeat music.]
Hey, what can we do for you? Hello, gentlemen.
I had called in about a book.
"Batman" 111? That's right, yes.
We put it aside for you.
- Here it is.
- Ooh.
"Batman" 111, man.
Look at that cover.
That is a beauty.
Batman and Robin as ye old knights.
- - [upbeat music.]
Why are they dressed in knight uniforms? In this issue, they have radiation suits underneath the armor.
Was there, like, an atomic threat? In the in the early '60s? Yeah.
[laughter.]
This is a combination of all the things I love, man: Batman and knights.
I love this cover.
It features artwork by Sheldon Moldoff, one of the Silver Age greats.
So powerful.
So dynamic.
Batman and Robin swinging in on their chains to save Gotham decked out in knights of armor.
- Awesome.
- I love knights.
Probably one of my favorite things next to Batman.
Growing up as a kid, I put the G.
I.
Joes aside, and I played with little knights.
You know, have them save the little princess in the castle.
They were just the badasses of that time, - you know, they just - A man after my own heart.
A man who knows that knights are cool.
But I know I wouldn'ta last a second back in the day, you know, when the knights ruled the earth.
I don't got the right stuff to be a knight.
You don't got the moxie? No, I don't think any of us do.
Well, what what are you talking about? I bet I could do it: wear a suit of armor, like, go, rush into battle.
Just putting on some armor - doesn't mean you're a knight.
- I know.
I mean, you're expendable here.
I can't imagine on the battlefield.
[laughter.]
You're so far from being a knight, you're day.
- [laughter.]
- You're, uh You'd be I see you as a squire at best.
Help feed the horse or "Where is my piss bucket?" That's that's when they're thinking of squire Ming.
You don't think I'd pick up a sword? If you're gonna hand it to somebody.
[laughter.]
The book is $125.
- $125.
- Mm-hmm.
You mind if I take a closer look? Absolutely.
Go right ahead.
It's a ten-center.
Early Silver Age.
Well, it definitely has some spine stress.
Mm.
It's got a nice little ink pen stamp.
[groans.]
I mean, the book inside looks good.
Would you do $75? [sucks air.]
Ooh.
No.
I got some wiggle room, but not that much.
I could do mm $110? $110.
How about $85? There's, uh, a moat between us basically right now.
- Yeah.
- Uh Hey, man, but what I got this idea.
What if we settle it like they did back in ye olden knight times? Okay.
All right? How about if you best my best knight in a joust, you get it for $85, but if my knight beats you, you give me 100 bucks? Wait, wait, wait.
Jousting? - A joust - Joust.
Over the fate of $15.
- [laughter.]
- Come on.
You're not up for it? You talked the talk.
Now walk the walk.
How are we gonna do this? Like Tape some posters together, you guys will go at it.
May the best knight win.
All right, that seems fair.
I will defend my honor.
You have no honor to defend.
[laughter.]
Are ye ready, knights? Ready, good sir! Joust.
[exciting music.]
Oh, my god.
This is the Wolverine Legendary Scale from Sideshow Collectibles.
That's got to be the most legendary statue I've ever laid eyes on.
If you best my best knight in a joust, you get "Batman" 111 for $85, but if my knight beats you, you give me 100 bucks.
Wait, wait, wait.
Jousting? - A joust - Joust.
Over the fate of $15.
- [laughter.]
- Bum, bum.
I came up with a little, uh, jousting exercise to see who would best who on the field of battle at the Stash.
That sounds filthier than I imagine you meant it, man.
Like, "Two boys jousting in the Stash.
" With their lances out.
Looks like they're gonna have sexcalibur.
[laughter.]
Pull it out! Pull it out! [laughter.]
Are ye ready, knights? - Ready.
- Ready, good sir! On my mark.
Get set.
Joust.
[exciting music.]
Ah-oh! - [laughter.]
- Ohho.
What was that? Did you get me? [stammering.]
Yeah.
Direct hit right to your nards.
I didn't feel anything.
[laughs.]
No (bleep).
[laughter.]
Two more passes.
Joust.
[exciting music.]
- Ooh! - both: Ooh.
- Ming got one in that time.
- Ho-ho.
- This is the final pass.
- All right.
Whoever gets this one's gonna win it.
- Okay.
- Joust! - [exciting music.]
- Don't choke up so much, Ming.
- Oh -ho! - both: Oh! - Ming.
- Oh-ho! both: Oh! - Oh.
- Oh! Good job, sir.
Guess you showed me you're you're the winner here today.
[laughter.]
I can't believe it.
I thought you were gonna eh What's not to believe? You thought he was gonna win? - [laughter.]
- Yeah.
All right, if you best my knight, you get it for how much? $85.
[bag rustling.]
- Boom.
- Thank you.
- Hey, thank you.
- Job well done.
Good fight.
Don't cry yet.
[whooshing.]
[upbeat music.]
How you doing? - Good; how are you? - Good.
I have a special limited edition action figure you might be interested in.
All right, what is it? [groans.]
[laughter.]
Yeah, Mr.
Clean.
- - [upbeat music.]
I collect advertising merchandise.
- You do? - Figures, pops, buttons.
I've got Jolly Green Giant - Yes.
- Statue.
I've got the Keebler elf.
Trix Rabbit.
I got Franken Berry, Count Chocula, and, um, Boo-Berry plush little, uh, like Beanie Babies.
Very cool.
I've nev I've never understood why.
Why do you collect advertising mascots? These characters, I don't see them as salesmen.
I see them as, you know, like, when I was watching my favorite shows, they would come on on in little commercials and they'd be more bonus entertainment.
They take me back to a time when, um, advertising was more innocent.
Mr.
Clean.
What's more innocent than Mr.
Clean? Any unreal character selling you a real product.
Yeah, that's where you made the most connections, I feel, like, especially with kids.
They became like a part of your childhood.
Was Mr.
Clean ever anybody's favorite? Did you Oh.
Hoho.
He was respected in our house.
Like, that's your mom's corporate pitch man.
Originally, he was meant to be a sailor.
Yeah, but he doesn't look like a sailor.
I always thought he was a genie.
Me too.
It was more like, you know, "I am the genie of the lamp" kind of genie.
Sorta looks like Popeye.
Don't you think? What about the the huge under bite that Popeye had? I think he looks nothing like Popeye, actually.
Well, he's not a cartoon, but he's right.
He is kind of like a smooth sailor with Well, Popeye didn't have an earring.
And he is wearing a T He's nothing like Popeye.
[laughter.]
I was trying to help, Zap, but there's there's nothing Popeye about him.
You know, I would put Mr.
Clean up there on the pantheon of recognizable advertising characters in the hall of fame.
He's definitely in there.
Who else is in that hall of fame? I mean, uh, you know, Chef Boyardee maybe? Absolutely.
Rice Krispies guys.
both: Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Yeah, I agree that they should make it.
Aunt Jemima.
Racially charged, but correct.
[laughter.]
So where'd you get it? Well, um, I have a confession.
I used to have a little crush on Mr.
Clean when I was younger.
And a girlfriend of mine saw this and gave it to me as a gift.
But not anymore.
No, I think it's time for him to go.
Any other crushes on, uh, - a-any advertising spokesmen? - [laughter.]
Hey, other people have a thing for Batman.
He's just he fights, you know, grime instead of crime.
all: Ooh! [laughs.]
You've We've all just been poned.
- [laughter.]
- Badly.
I'm sorry.
Do you consider Mr.
Clean a superhero? [laughter.]
Maybe he's better at cleaning than Batman.
Batman, you know, he's one part of the one percenters? and someone's always been cleaning up for him like Alfred, but when has Mr.
Clean ever showed an interest in anything that goes on anywhere beyond the kitchen? [laughter.]
Like, "Mr.
Clean, there's a mugging outside.
" He's like, "Yeah, but this floor is really dirty.
We should do something about this.
" [laughter.]
So you're here 'cause you're ready to move on.
Yes.
You want a real Mr.
Clean in your life? - Yeah.
- Not an action figure.
Yeah.
That would be good.
[laughs.]
How much you looking to get for it? I don't know.
$25.
Well, I'm kind of on top of the advertising action figure game.
This piece is not worth $25, though.
Would you take 10 bucks for it? Mm.
- $15? - All right.
- You got it.
$15.
- Yay.
[laughs.]
[register whirs.]
- There you go.
- Thank you so much.
- All right.
- Have a good day.
You too.
That is the most impressive statue I've ever seen in my entire life.
This is definitely for the refined collector.
Seeing if y'all might be interested in picking up this old book of mine, "The Death of Captain Marvel.
" One of the greatest comic book stories ever told.
Favorite real life or animated pitch man/woman or character.
Go.
Animated, gotta go with Tony the Tiger.
They're guh-reat! Yeah, my God.
That's classic right there.
Have you seen that conspiracy theory that Tony the Tiger also was the Exxon tiger? I always thought that too.
They look close.
He worked for big food and big oil.
[laughter.]
Which is more powerful? [laughter.]
In my world, big food.
[laughter.]
They've literally run out of conspiracy theories now.
They're like, "Wait a second!" [laughter.]
What about you, Zap? Okay, the, uh, Maytag repairman.
Good pull.
What was his premise? He was so lonely 'cause Maytag never broke down, and he never got phone calls.
In your world, he was cool.
- Yeah.
- My God.
[laughter.]
[upbeat music.]
Oh, my God.
Whoa, whoa.
You need any help with that? Right here.
Right here.
- All right.
- Oh, wow.
Wow.
Look at that.
I don't know if anything like this.
This is the Wolverine Legendary Scale from Sideshow Collectibles.
That is the most impressive statue I've ever seen in my entire life.
- - [upbeat music.]
That's got to be the-the most legendary statue I've ever laid eyes on.
Right? I mean, I've seen the Statue of Liberty.
[laughter.]
That should be at Ellis Island right now.
What does it weigh? Oh, geez.
A good 50 pounds.
I think there's real adamantium in there.
- You know? Um - Ooh.
It feels like it.
It's it's just as heavy.
You a Wolverine fan? Oh, I'm the biggest Wolverine fan.
I even have, like, a Wolverine phone, pen set, original artwork from Jim Lee.
But this is what I really wanted.
I-I sought this out.
This is definitely for the refined collector.
Sideshow Collectibles started out as an action figure company.
You know, they did stuff you'd find in Toys "R" Us.
But then they slowly graduated towards more high end pieces.
It was actually made to order.
How many did they make? The number is limited to less than 5,000.
And it's sold out.
You can't get it from Sideshow anymore.
There's, like, scratches up here.
- Is that battle damage? - That's intentional.
- That's intentional, yeah.
- Yeah? The sculptor took a lot of details with the muscles, the arms, and even, like, the cracks in, like, the gloves and everything.
And he added battle damage to Wolverine's armor.
This is, like, fabric over cold cast resin.
- Yes.
- I mean, if you were to be able to get this off, I wonder if Ming would fit in it.
[laughter.]
The sculpts of these statues today.
They look like Michelangelo sculpted 'em.
And when they put fabric clothing on 'em, you're just like, "This is unreal.
It reminds you of going to a church and seeing a statue of the Lord dressed up.
- [laughter.]
- Like, you know what I'm saying? It's almost religious statue size.
It's huge.
What's the biggest collectible you ever had? I haven't had a lot of big collectibles.
Biggest collectible I ever got was the Han Solo frozen in carbonite.
It was so big, man.
And I remember I spent loot on it too.
I think it was like, 400 to 600 bucks.
Mm.
It got moved to a room where the dogs would hang out.
They started chewing his feet off.
[laughter.]
And took his fingers off as well, man.
Like, eventually, I was like, "I get it.
You guys don't like this.
" [laughter.]
Why do you want to get rid of it? Once I got it back to my house and everything, we realized that we really didn't have any place for it.
It was too big.
I think it's beautiful.
I think it's the best statue that's ever come in here.
It's an eye-grabber.
People walking in, man, it's the first thing they're gonna look at.
It does scream "look at me," but I mean, first off, how much are you looking for it? I'm asking $3,000 for it for today.
$3,000? I have seen them go recently for $2,500.
I don't think This come in a box an original box? Yep.
Got the boxes in the car.
Got the boxes in the car too.
Oh, my he's got the box, Mike.
He's got the box, but where are we gonna put it? We can't put it in any of our display cases.
We don't have anything that big, so it'd have to be out on the floor.
We run the risk of people touching it and breaking it.
- You're right.
You're right.
- So Have you met good cop, bad cop? [laughter.]
Yes.
It's why I have you here, to, uh, rein me in when I get, uh Excited about boxes? - Yeah.
- [laughter.]
It is beautiful, but I mean $3,000, no way.
No; there's no way we can do it for $3,000.
How about $2,000? I don't know if I can go that low.
No? Ugh.
$2,100.
$2,100.
$2,500's the lowest I can go.
It's impossible for me to, uh, to make any money on it then.
I think I'm gonna have to hang on to it.
I'm just gonna have to go home and tell my wife that Wolverine's staying.
[laughs.]
Thank you for bringing it in, man.
Of course.
Thank you.
Sorry we couldn't come to an agreement, but wish me luck, guys.
All right, you need any help with that? I think I'll be all right.
- I think I'll - Ooh.
- I think I'll be fine.
- Careful, man.
- Thanks.
- Wow.
Seeing if y'all might be interested in picking up this old book of mine, - "The Death of Captain Marvel.
" - Yeah.
It's one of those books that I rank in my top five.
It made you see comic books in a whole new light.
[upbeat music.]
If you could have any weapon as a prosthetic, you know, like Ash from "Evil Dead," he had the chainsaw.
What weapon would you pick and where would it be attached on you? I was always partial to Merle on "The Walking Dead.
" He had to cut off his own hand and replaced it with this metal cap.
Then he had a knife sticking out of it.
- How do you pop it? - You don't.
- Oh, it's always - It's always out.
- Oh, it's always out? - So yeah.
You're not gonna be able to get into any into concerts, nothing.
No one's gonna allow you in with your big gigantic sword.
Well, I keep my hand in my pocket, but that Yeah, that doesn't look suspicious.
[laughter.]
- You got one? - Yeah, I do.
Um, I'm all about practicality.
We are not fighting any zombies.
But I tell you what we are dealing with in the summer months: mosquitoes.
I'm gonna have a bug zapper on the end of this arm right there.
So you have a cage with a light inside it, and you think you're getting into a concert with that? - [laughter.]
- Yeah.
When the ballad comes on, I'm just like - [laughter.]
- Yes.
What about you, Ming? What do you got? You ever see that movie "Dusk Till Dawn"? There's a character in there called Sex Machine.
He had a gun down there.
- Down there? - Yeah.
Whoa.
So you don't have you don't have little Ming anymore? [laughter.]
Who's gonna see it, though? - Uh - Who's gonna see it? The same number of people that see little Ming.
[laughter.]
[upbeat music.]
- Hey, how are you? - Hey, what's up, fellas? - How y'all doing today? - Good.
Seeing if y'all might be interested in picking up this old book of mine, "The Death of Captain Marvel.
" Ooh.
Mike, remember this book? Oh, my god.
Of course.
One of the greatest comic book stories ever told.
- - [upbeat music.]
How seminal was this in the '80s? I mean, it's one of those books that I rank in my personal top five.
I-I can't say enough about this book.
You know anything about it? No.
I like the cover, though.
You got the Grim Reaper.
- That looks pretty metal.
- [laughter.]
Actually, the entire story was pretty metal.
Just to encapsulate it a little bit for you, Um, Captain Marvel was diagnosed with inoperable cancer.
And this story is about how a hero, you know, faces his final battle, and there's not a villain in the book.
It made you see comic books in a whole new light.
They weren't just funny books anymore.
Yeah, that's right.
A lot of superheroes have died, you know, in battle, but I don't think any superhero death has ever been more poignant and more honorable.
And brave too.
To even step up to the table and be like, "Hey, comic books are for kids, and I want to do a story about cancer.
" But Jim Starlin showed you that this medium could do a lot more than just like, "We're fighting each other.
Fighty fight time.
" 'Cause it's a powerful piece of writing, man.
So this character dies sadly, but opened the door for other Captain Marvels.
I-I always, uh, dig when, um, another character takes up the mantle and honors the legacy of-of a great superhero.
Yes.
So like the new Captain Marvel's great, but the original Captain Marvel, he had the greatest hair in comic books.
Did he? He was the Bon Jovi of comics.
[laughter.]
Look at some of the artwork in this book.
I mean, to this point, you I had never seen colors that looked as vibrant or as painted as this book did.
Some of the great pages that I remember the most were the, um, line of "All of Marvel's mightiest and most well-known heroes prepare to pay their respects.
" Mm.
There were some characters you were just like, "How did they control the Hulk to get down here?" I mean, how'd they explain it to him? Like, "Hey, um, could you stop rampaging for a few seconds and" Smash the cancer out of some dude? [laughter.]
So you're looking to sell today.
Mike, you want to let us know what your expert opinion is? I mean, it's not the worst copy I've ever seen, but unfortunately, it's got some issues.
Dog ears on the corners.
Um, some spine wear.
It's seen better days, but I got it when I was in the fifth grade, so Why are you looking to sell it now, though? I found I lucked into a better copy.
All right.
How much are you looking to get for it? - I was thinking maybe 40 bucks? - [grunts.]
[laughs.]
[sucks air.]
Ooh! - [laughs.]
- Ooh, I don't know.
Yeah, we couldn't even slap a $40 price tag on this.
But being in the state that it's in, um I mean, would you be able to take $15 for it? Can we go up a little more? Maybe $25? How about $20? I mean, I'm probably gonna put a you know, a $30 on it, so I mean - $20 sounds fine.
- You take $20? - I can do that, yeah.
- Done deal.
[cash register clicks.]
[upbeat music.]
- Here you go.
- Awesome.
- Thank you.
- Appreciate you.
Thanks for bringing it in.
[sighs.]
So cancer, huh? [laughter.]
And just like Captain Marvel, we're gonna say one word.
Blast outta here man.
For "Comic Book Men," I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
You don't need the Excalibur charm of making to get stuff done in life.
But just in case you do, anál nathrach, orth' bháis's bethad, do chél dénmha.
There you go.
Good night.