Cold Feet (1997) s06e07 Episode Script

- I thought I was getting better.
- It's not like having a cold.
It's gonna take a bit of time.
I need my passport by four o'clock or they'll, um, send me to prison.
I've decided to set up my own business.
- I'm sure you'll both be very happy.
- Oh, no, we're not a couple.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, we're just friends.
I heard my dad used to be a bit of a mean drummer and a mate says he hasn't lost it, so, Dad, do you want to come up? You set that up, didn't you? Well, might have.
It's a beautiful thing to do for your friend.
It's a beautiful thing to do for your friend.
It's a beautiful thing to do for your friend.
So, a peck, a smooch or a snog? Oh.
Well, your mind plays tricks, doesn't it? I was still speculating when she called round.
- You didn't have to bring breakfast.
- Ah, he doesn't speak for me.
I'm buttering you up.
I need you to write a review of this place online.
- Oh, OK.
- You know, the apartment's amazing.
And Tina Well, Tina.
She's charming, funny, kind.
Very possibly perfect.
She's not just a landlady, she's a friend.
A friend.
- There's your answer.
- Oi.
A friend.
It was a peck.
And the rest is your imagination.
- Floyd.
Was I expecting you? - Apparently not.
- Coffee? - Black.
Thank you.
David'll get it for you.
We spoke about preparing you for court.
In general terms.
You said it would be months before we go to trial.
With some clients it can take that long.
We don't want you saying anything to hang yourself.
- I hope it's not that serious.
- Well, a few years in prison.
I've been going through my emails, trying to find one that shows the chairman approved all my actions.
We've already done that.
Reflected in our latest invoice.
- Oh.
- We found nothing to help us.
Most of his emails are very concise.
A line or two at best.
- I think the chap is dyslexic.
- Discreet.
He writes as if he knows his words may one day be used in court.
- Shall we get started? - Ready when you are.
I'd like to make this as realistic as possible.
Oh, well.
I might go and shave, then.
And perhaps change out of your pyjamas? Tina was in a dream I had the other night.
- But not like you might expect.
- What, scantily clad? She wanted the second number of my PIN.
I had a dream last night about Sir Alex Ferguson.
He was my dad.
He was still gruff, though.
But he was dead proud of me.
I've always looked up to Fergie, but after that I felt closer.
Getting back to Tina, I'm starting to think about her differently.
You know, we have 7,000 thoughts a day.
Or was it 700? Anyway, it's a lot.
And most of them are daft.
- How would you know? - It's not me.
It's the expert.
Who has it on reliable authority.
It says here that the average person has 70,000 thoughts per day, over half of which are negative and unhelpful.
- I'm looking for my shammy and my squeedgy.
- Yeah.
Listen, to get into our lives we need to get out of our minds.
- I think we should try this.
- Yeah.
I'll go and wash the cab and then we'll go down the pub.
No, look, I don't mean that.
No, look, it's called Mindfulness.
It's meant to be really, really effective for all sorts of things, like, you know, focus, happiness, treating anxiety, depression, things like that.
Look, love, I'm really starting to feel all right now and if I wasn't, I'd tell you.
No, no, I know.
And that's great, it really is.
It's just this might help you stay that way.
Oh, look, if it's good enough for Gwyneth Paltrow Young Gwynnie, eh? You gonna do it? I've told Jen I'd think about it.
One of a thousand thoughts a day, apparently.
She's keen.
Harry's daughter about the will.
- I thought you'd given up on that.
- So did her and her brother.
Hi, Trish.
Thanks for coming round.
Go on through.
So you admit, Mr Marsden, that while attending the Monaco Grand Prix - you accepted a bribe.
- Objection, Your Honour.
- I'm the one who objects.
- You're playing the prosecution.
Speaking as your defence counsel, I can't see grounds for an objection.
It was a per diem.
Living expenses.
- Cash in brown envelopes? - White, as I recall.
Monaco is very expensive.
You can lose a bundle in the casino.
- David, we have a problem.
- I'm telling the truth.
That's part of the problem.
You sound guilty.
Handouts are standard practice.
It's not what you're saying, it's how you're saying it.
Your accent.
Could you try and sound a little less posh? It weren't a bribe.
How many times do I have to tell ya? - I'll try it again.
- Oh, God.
My brother sends his regards.
Unfortunately, he couldn't make it.
- Or he didn't want to.
- Well, he did wonder what the purpose was, since you agreed to forego your bequest.
The thing is, Trish, this letter that you gave me from your dad clearly states that he wanted me to have the money.
I know.
I've never been opposed to the idea that you should have something.
- Not like your brother, then.
- I don't want to go to court.
Why would I want to fight you? I'd rather we reached a compromise.
- That's what we want.
- A figure that still respects Dad's wishes.
That'll be the full 50,000 then.
Me and Jen have discussed this and we thought 30.
We actually We thought 35.
Well, let's agree to 40.
Really? It's only ten grand less.
Well, ten grand less than Dad intended for you, but enough to let my small-minded brother think he's had a little win.
- Oh, Trish.
Come here.
- Oh.
We can't tell you what a difference this'll make.
- How'd it go? - Er, it went pretty well.
We decided to dispense with the northern accent.
- What? - It's just part of the defence strategy.
Hope the other parts are better.
How's this? Oh, darling, it's very professional.
- I thought it was half term.
- Oh, it is.
I've organised some work experience at Robyn's law firm.
School aren't even making her, she volunteered.
What are you planning on experiencing this week? - Ta-dah.
- Great.
Very productive.
We can't all be perfect.
I'm going back to bed.
- Are you all right? - Hm? Er, yes.
Yes, of course.
Er Computer says yes.
Aside from the original mortgage, we're debt free.
- With 1,500 left over? - Yeah.
- Seriously? - Oh, 'ey.
Cool, we're rich.
Let's book a holiday for the four of us.
Jen, remember what got us in this mess in the first place.
Fat cats.
Me and you, we bailed the banks out.
We're the squeezed middle, Pete.
Mum, Adam won't get out the shower.
We had no contingency.
The store cards to pay the credit cards, the credit cards to pay off the car loan.
La-la-la-la-la.
Seriously, it's just so boring.
Thanks, Mum.
Look, let's hang onto that 1500.
As a safety net.
For once in our lives, Jen.
I'll agree to your boring safety net, if you'll do this Mindfulness thingy class.
Please, Pete.
Please.
Oh, go on.
Namaste.
Oh, thank you.
Hello.
Can I help you? I'm looking for a woman.
Have you tried online? She's having an affair with my husband.
- Right.
- I've checked his phone and he's deleted all his messages.
And he's wiped the Internet history from his laptop.
And you think because of that he might be having an affair? His phone might have been full, and any man who doesn't delete his browsing history is an idiot.
I followed him to this building three times in the last fortnight.
- Ah.
- Do you know who lives in this one? What, in this one here? Uh-huh, I do indeed.
It's an elderly woman.
She's 70 if she's a day.
- Um, how old's your husband? - Mid-40s.
- Why? - No, I was just wondering if I'd seen anyone matching that description.
- Let me think.
- Hi, Adam.
- Oh, hello.
- And this is my wife Tina.
Hello, sweetheart.
Mwah.
Did you have a nice day? - I didn't catch your name.
- Sarah.
Yes.
Er, Sarah thinks that her husband might be having an affair with someone living in this block.
- Oh.
- Mm-hm.
Yeah, no, I was explaining to her that it couldn't possibly be old Mrs Horsefield because, er, I think the last time a gentleman caller came for her he was collecting for the pools.
Do you remember those days, eh? - Well, yeah.
- Mm.
Do you want a cup of tea? Come on.
Thank you, I'll check the other floors.
Even if they don't fit the bill, they might know someone that does.
No, no, I can tell you there's no-one in this block.
I work from home, and I see all the comings and goings and, er most of the residents are men, actually.
Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
- But you don't think - Well that would explain the browsing history.
I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation.
Maybe he's teaching someone to play the guitar.
- He is into music.
- Oh.
That was a lucky guess.
- Or something else.
Magic.
- What? - Is your husband a magician? - No.
I'm sure you're right.
It's probably nothing.
- Sorry to have taken up your time.
- No.
Magician? - I'd better warn Jamie.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Come in for a drink.
- Hi, darling.
- Hi, Dad.
Hi.
Robyn, hi.
- Thanks for having her in the office.
- I'm her stepmother, David.
- Yeah, for the time being.
- I watched those girls grow up.
They will always be important to me.
- She shows a lot of promise, Olivia.
- Thanks.
You know, I think it's great the way things are so civilised between us.
In that spirit, I was wondering if we might have a talk about our D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
'Cos there's no point in dragging things out longer than they have to.
Let's just split the assets, nice and clean.
As I recall, you were in favour of the odd quickie now and then.
Oh.
No early onset for you then, David.
That was a long time ago.
But I'm quite prepared to be as quickie as you like.
You just have to accept my terms.
God, Robyn, this isn't a peace treaty, this is my surrender.
Purely professional, David.
I can hardly be seen to lose my own divorce, now, can I? Half my pension? The whole house? If you hadn't been such a wet lettuce last time round, there's no way your ex could have afforded this one.
When do you think it's safe to go back to my apartment? Well, I'm pretty certain we managed to throw her off the scent.
When she left, she seemed more concerned that Jamie might be gay.
- He isn't.
- No.
Unless he's in deep denial.
He's sleeping with double the number of women most straight men are.
Oh, sorry.
No, take your best shot.
I can't feel worse than I already do.
Can you imagine if you were her? - Better that she doesn't know? - Is it? Her husband is still cheating on her.
With me.
Now she's betrayed and deceived.
Um, did you read the review that I wrote? God, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I wanted to thank you.
- It was lovely what you said.
- Well, it is a great apartment.
- More for what you said about me.
- Oh.
"Tina is the perfect host.
She's never meddlesome, but always on hand to offer friendship and advice.
I shall miss her as much as I shall miss her beautiful apartment.
" Well - Have you got a photographic memory? - No.
I just kept reading it.
I know I told you to go over the top.
I meant every word.
I should go.
Thanks for the whiskey.
And for being a mate.
Jen, just to let you know, I have no faith whatsoever in this Mindlessness bollocks.
I'm doing it purely for you.
- Mindfulness bollocks.
- Whatever.
Think about how your body is making contact with the ground.
How you are experiencing gravity.
God, Pete got the bollocks bit right.
Ten quid for this? Next, we bring awareness to our breath.
You may become aware That's two bottles of chardonnay.
Just acknowledge that this has happened.
Gently guide your attention back to your breath.
Slowly sit up.
Oh, bloody hell.
Sorry about that, love.
Eh? What are you on about? That was magic.
Oh, my God, I think he means it.
- Did you talk to Robyn? - Yeah, we talked.
There wasn't much understanding.
She seems determined to go for the jugular.
That is if I haven't already been hanged.
That's a bit extreme, David.
Karen, could you sit down a minute? I have to face it.
There's a very real possibility that I'm going to be convicted and sent to prison.
David.
You swore to me that you were innocent.
I am.
Of the charges.
David, have you done something wrong or not? - Define wrong.
- Oh, for God's sake.
I invested my client's money in unregulated schemes, that's all.
- Is that illegal? - No, it's just against company rules.
It's riskier, but it can pay dividends, obviously.
The chairman knew about it.
So long as I was making a profit, he didn't care.
Trouble is, this Chinese property deal.
I accepted certain inducements to invest my client's money.
- You mean bribes.
- No, no, no, commission.
Bribes are for the Third World.
The trouble is, the timing looks fishy.
Like I was sort of in the know.
But I wasn't.
The whole thing was complete luck.
Now and then, you move clients' money around in order to give the impression that you're doing something.
- Is that what the City earn their bonuses for? - In a nutshell.
Yeah, I bent the rules a little, but everybody was doing that.
The whole thing is totally unfair.
That's your excuse? Everybody does it? I don't do it, David.
- You don't have the opportunity.
- No, because I don't cheat.
For Christ's sake, David, you are about to go on trial.
Maybe you should be found guilty.
Maybe that's the only way you'll learn something.
I have learnt, Karen.
God, I have.
You know, being held on remand, seeing how I've let down all the people I really care about.
My boss, he could get me off just like that.
But that would involve backing me up, admitting that he knew that I was going off-piste, as it were.
- He'd lose his job.
- So instead, he'll let you go to prison.
A good defence could possibly get me off.
But that would cost a lot more than Robyn is prepared to leave me with.
Oh, God, David.
Could we dip into the girls' university fund? You'd pay it back when you get another job? Karen, would you mind? No, David.
Not if it's what you need to do, no.
I wasn't sure you'd feel that way.
Thank you.
You see, I have dipped into the fund.
Well, emptied it.
You've done what? It's a bit of an overreaction.
She said I could borrow from their trust fund.
Yeah, but when she said it she didn't know you already had.
- That's just chronology.
- Not really, David.
One's taking with permission, the other's theft.
- Blimey, that's nifty.
- It's something I learnt in prison.
Along with how to get your hands on a shooter if you need one.
- Seriously? - Yes.
It's quite an education inside.
- Why, do you need one? - Er, well, no.
I just wondered how easy it was to get one.
They say in Manchester you're never further than six feet away from a gun.
- I thought that was rats.
- Maybe it is.
Anyway, just tip me the wink.
I'll put in a call for you.
Ah, thank you so much for having me to stay.
Well, you know, maybe for a night or two.
And after that, I'll try Adam.
And then maybe a park bench.
Thanks for having David.
I feel really bad about that.
Well, he could do more around the house, that's true.
No, I meant about kicking him out.
I still feel really annoyed with him.
Well, less than Jamie's wife is with him, I imagine.
That's the married man that Tina's been seeing.
His wife got wind of it and Tina and I had to pretend we were married.
- Are these for the new business? - Mm.
Logos for my new company.
- What do you think? - That one's good.
Look, this one's my favourite.
Thought I might have it blown up for the wall in my new office, once I get an office.
Listen, you'll need stationery too.
I could help you with that, if you like.
I've got contacts with the printing firms through work.
- Should be able to get you a deal.
- That's two favours I owe you.
Er, Tina needs some brochures, actually.
Adam, would you like to talk about Tina? What? No.
Why? You keep trying to shoe-horn her into the conversation.
- With a crowbar.
- I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- Do I? Well, I am I think, er there might have been something between us at young Adam's gig.
Well, I'm sure of it.
- Why, what happened? - I don't know.
Possibly nothing.
We had a moment.
Well, I did.
I mean, who knows what goes on inside a woman's head? I thought you were all done with women.
You were gonna devote yourself to Matthew.
Yeah, "I'm happy on my own.
" That is a direct quote.
I know, I know.
But, um, they say that it's when you stop looking that love finds you.
- What happens if it hasn't found her? - Yeah, I wish she'd give me a sign.
Well, the first sign might be if she carries on seeing this married man of hers.
- Oh.
- Hi.
I was, er I was just gonna call on you.
Have you got a minute? I'd appreciate a word.
Sure, yeah.
I don't want you to think I'm being blunt.
No, no, blunt is good.
When do you think you might be moving out? That's what you wanted to say to me? There's no rush, but I've just had an enquiry about the end of the month.
OK, well, um I complete on the house at the end of next week.
So, last Sunday fortnight? Gosh.
So soon? Yeah, sorry, I should have given you more notice.
No, it's not a problem, it's just It's just I've gotten used to having you and Matt living across the hall.
Me too.
Oh.
That'll be him.
Forgot his keys again.
I mean, what is the point in him having a set of keys? Oh.
- What are you doing here? - Checking on my wife.
Ah, yes.
Thank you for, er covering for us.
I did it for Tina.
You haven't returned my texts.
- Have you not got somewhere to be? - I'll leave you.
Not on my account.
OK.
They're nice.
Are they for me or are you on your way home? - No, they're for you.
- Hm.
So, I may have inadvertently led your wife to believe that you're gay.
Yes, I know.
How is your wife? Hm? She seems really lovely.
- You knew I was married.
- Mm.
It didn't seem to matter so much before I knew what her name was.
- It's Sarah, isn't it? - Yup.
Then she was just an idea.
You know, in the abstract.
Now she's flesh and blood.
A real woman.
That I'm hurting.
Look, you're getting this out of proportion.
You're not hurting her.
She doesn't even know.
She now thinks I'm giving guitar lessons.
We can carry on just like before.
You might be able to keep on cheating on her, Jamie, but I can't.
Then I'll leave her.
Just give me the word.
No.
Your marriage is none of my business.
Adam was just leaving.
Yeah.
Would you see Jamie out, please? All set.
Right.
- Are you ready? - Yup.
Mm-hm.
Welcome to a calmer state of mind.
Take a raisin.
- He said "Take a raisin".
- You've eaten it? Has David eaten his? Go on, give us another one then.
Imagine you've just landed from Mars and have never encountered a raisin before.
Take time to really see it.
Get to know your raisin.
Hello, little man.
My name's Jen And I live Sorry.
Gosh, it's remarkably intricate.
Consider what the raisin looks like.
What it reminds you of.
The latticework at the Alhambra Palace in Granada.
Pete's balls after a bath.
- Well, it does.
- Now bring the raisin to your lips.
Place it gently in your mouth.
Feel the raisin with your tongue.
Consider its texture.
Have you swallowed it? Be honest.
Honesty is the natural path to wellness.
OK, look, I am really sorry.
I just I need to try harder.
If you're not into this, we don't have to do it together.
No, I totally am.
Honestly.
Fine, I'll give it another go.
Oh, shit, I've done it again.
Oh, no, I Listen, I think I need some more practice or something.
But we're meant to find peace, not put on weight.
Tastes of history.
The ancient harvests of Mesopotamia.
Oh, don't you start taking the piss as well.
I'm doing this upstairs.
- I'm serious.
- No, I've had enough.
Frankly, I can think of better uses for a grape.
Oh, go on then.
I do feel a bit guilty, but he was the one who called it Mindlessness.
- "Hippy-dippy bollocks", he said.
- Well, that's before he tried it.
Yeah, but I think he was right the first time.
Well, you know, Pete's obviously getting something from it.
- You should be pleased for him.
- I should really, seeing as I was the one who conned him into it.
Er, no, I haven't got time.
Look, I just popped in on my way to work cos I spoke to my contact at the printers, wangled a 50% discount on your stationery, and with the help of my balcony bra, he has promised to get the whole lot ready next couple of days.
- You're a star.
Thank you.
- Mm.
Not just a pretty face.
Well, not even a pretty face.
Well, that's one less thing to do anyway.
Eddie did warn me it would be like this.
- Have you heard from him? - Yeah, he sent me a good-luck message.
Very sweet of him.
Yeah.
Anyway, look, back to business.
Are you thinking of taking on an assistant any time? I've already put an ad in online.
I'll take the first school leaver who understands the correct use of apostrophes.
- Might be quite a long search.
- Unless they're right under your nose.
- Do you know someone? - Well local, flexible, not afraid to flirt with a tradesman to get you a good deal.
I can only afford school-leavers' wages.
That'll be all right for a bit.
Oh, my job is boring.
A trained monkey could do it.
What you're doing, it's exciting.
And now, with Harry's cash, it's taken the pressure off a bit.
So I could work for love not money.
Till we've established ourselves, then you can give us a rise.
- I will think about it.
- Oh.
Hi, Jenny.
'Ey.
Guess what? Me and your mum might be working together.
- Great.
- And who knows? Maybe the Executive Assistant might need a Junior Assistant.
Well, it's won't be Ellie.
What, because I don't want to spend half term stuck in some office? Talk about double standards.
Josh is on his gap year, swanning round Europe doing sod-all, and you're not on his case.
Sorry.
Bon appetite.
Apologies about the parmesan.
You only had dehydrated, not fresh.
- David? - Yes, Chloe.
When you were in prison, did you have to join a gang? - Chloe.
- No, it's fine, Pete.
Er, no, Chloe, I didn't.
- Didn't you feel threatened? - Like in the showers? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Enough.
Actually, I was wondering.
Yeah, well, I must admit I was fearful.
And there was violence, most days.
But that was usually among the younger guys.
Burning off energy and establishing a pecking order.
That sort of thing.
They weren't bothered about me cos I wasn't a threat, so it rendered me, in a strange sort of way, just invisible.
And safer.
One of the rare occasions it pays to be old.
Mum says if you were innocent you wouldn't be having to face trial.
No, I didn't.
She's quoting me out of context.
What was the context? Ooh, this is yummy.
No, you see, there are a lot of innocent people in prison.
Or so they have you believe.
And I risk being one of them, if I can't prove my innocence.
- Well, can't you? - My boss can.
But he's looking after number one, isn't he? Well, then make him.
I mean, you're the one that said you could get hold of a gun.
- Mum.
- No, no, no, he's not gonna use it.
It's OK.
It's just I don't understand why you're just accepting your fate.
I mean, fair enough, you've survived a stint in the slammer, OK.
But do you want your kids thinking that their dad's guilty? You need to man up, David.
Do whatever you've got to do.
Very cloak and dagger, David.
I thought you wouldn't want to be seen together.
- Well, I appreciate your discretion.
- I'm sure you do.
It's the only thing keeping you from being fired.
What do you want, David? My marriage is over.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm not.
But she hates me, too.
So I'm going to be destitute.
You're not in a very strong negotiating position.
Roger, I'm appealing to you.
You knew I was investing in unregulated schemes.
Of course I did.
What kind of boss would I be if I didn't know what was being done on my watch? You can't blackmail me, you have no evidence.
Oh, but I have.
No, I'm always very careful about what I put in writing.
You see, I have your confession.
From your own lips.
I've recorded every word.
- How much? - Not money.
Cooperation.
You see to it that these charges are dropped, or this recording finds its way to the Financial Conduct Authority.
Which would spell the end to your career.
- I could take it off you.
- You could try.
But in my youth, I was a black belt in Jeet Kune Do.
I'm a little rusty, but I'm also desperate.
Which I suspect more than compensates.
Got you.
You know, you can't sit at home moping.
What makes you think I was? - Weren't you? - Maybe just a bit.
Exactly.
You need to get out, stop licking your wounds.
I've been there.
- Do you miss her? - Angela? Yeah, of course I do.
But, you know, she made it clear she wants to put us behind her, so I have to respect that.
Yeah, it can't be easy though.
I came to cheer you up, not bring me down.
Come on.
I don't usually drink vodka.
I used to a lot.
I used to smoke a lot of dope, too.
Found it helped when there's things you don't want to think about.
So, where did you and Jamie meet? Things like that.
God, you don't like talking about yourself, do you? What is that? - You ask a lot of questions.
- So far, I've asked two and you haven't answered either of them.
I feel as if I know you quite well sometimes, and other times I think, "I don't know her at all.
" For example, how do you own two fabulous apartments right in the heart of Manchester? - I used to be an escort.
- Jesus.
Oh, right.
Um Oh, God.
You believed me.
I'm flattered.
Well, I don't know.
You could be.
I mean I'd have to be pretty high-end to be able to afford two apartments.
That's true.
I used to have a very high-powered job.
And a husband.
See, I didn't even know that.
It was him who got me into smoking dope.
- A stoner.
- No.
He had multiple sclerosis.
He found it helped with the pain.
So did I.
A few months after he died.
It was him who got me into investing into property.
He was smart like that.
What was his name? Liam.
- You never mention him.
- Well, I don't like to be defined by the loss.
- That That's not a criticism.
- No, no.
We each deal with it in our own way.
I was a mess The first few years after he died.
And then my friends decided it was time I meet someone else.
- Friends.
- They can be a nightmare.
And they set up a lot of blind dates.
All the men had been primed about the widow.
Then I thought I'd try online dating.
That way, you don't have to talk about your past.
When Rachel died, I talked about nothing else.
- God, poor dates.
- I can't think about it now.
You see, all the men I met, they were all looking for the one.
Which I am not.
Been there, lost that.
Then I met Jamie.
In a bar, quite unexpected.
He told me straight away that he was married and I realised that that's what I wanted.
You know, a man with no expectations.
It's ideal.
- So that's what you want.
- Yeah.
And another vodka.
No wonder your contact's so cheap, Jen, these are awful.
- It could win awards, that.
- Except it's the wrong logo.
- It's the one you wanted.
- No, it's the one you wanted.
Well, it's the best.
Oh, God, this reminds me of the last time we tried to work together.
Yeah.
Photo exhibition for your weirdo friend.
So? Which I was supposed to be organising until I was pushed aside by the control-freak-in-chief.
- Sorry.
- You weren't at the time.
Look, organising is what I do every day.
And I'm very good at it.
You stuff goody bags.
- And I'm very good at it.
- I'll have to get all these done again now.
- Why? That is the best design.
- It's not the one I wanted.
Listen, I'm sorry, I don't think I can work with you if you're not gonna be collaborative.
- Sod you.
I quit.
- I haven't even given you a job.
- Well, if you did, I'd quit.
- If I had, I'd fire you.
Seriously? Oh, God.
What have we just done? I'm sorry, I know you were only trying to help.
OK, we can never we can never ever work together.
- OK? - Sorry.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh.
So the best logo.
Just saying.
The thing is, I don't know if I should tell Tina how I feel.
I mean, what if I'm not really feeling it? Or what if I am but my timing's out? She's only just kicked a married man into touch.
So maybe I should wait.
Oh, but I move out in a week.
So what if I miss my moment? But it sounds like I'm not the sort of guy she's looking for anyway.
- Have you ever looked at a beer mat? - What? I mean really looked at a beer mat.
I am asking for some advice.
Now what should I do? I don't know, Adam.
I could pretend to.
I could tell you to do one thing or the other.
I really don't know, mate.
Great.
Cheers.
Thank you for forgiving me.
I haven't.
Jen begged me to take you back.
You're on probation.
You should never have taken that money without asking me.
I know, and I apologise.
And I will repay the money.
Probably sooner than I thought, because I have got the boss by the short and curlies.
- What? - Jenny inspired me.
- She can be very forthright at times.
- Mm.
I recorded Roger admitting that he knew what I was doing.
Here, listen.
Hang on.
Not really a smoking gun, is it, David? Shit.
God, I'm screwed.
I'm gonna lose everything.
I'm gonna be sent to jail.
Shit.
We won't be able to afford to send the girls to university.
They'll have the shame of knowing they've got a dad who's an ex-con.
Oh, Karen, I've ruined everything.
I'll be right back.
Hi, darling.
Robyn, look, I know you're pissed off with David.
I understand, I was married to him too.
But really, couldn't you leave him a little self-respect? Along with enough to get by on? You've always had a soft spot for him, haven't you? Either that or you're a soft touch.
Listen.
Do you know what? All these years you've been married to him I have never said anything he is the father of my children and it would have been inappropriate.
But honestly, I have always found you cold and calculating.
And another thing.
Those two daughters of mine that you say you care about so much, you are hurting them as much as you are hurting him.
Now you consider that.
You've made mistakes, David, but you're a good man and a good father.
Hi.
- Oh.
What are you up to? - Hi, Pete.
Look, I've got a confession to make.
- I've spent our contingency.
- Oh, Jen, I thought we'd agreed.
- On you.
- Me? Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry that I haven't been more supportive lately.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
You've been absolutely fant Weekend Mindfulness retreat? For two.
I'm coming with you.
Not to take the piss either.
- Bloody hell, it's not cheap.
- No, but complimentary fruit on arrival.
- Raisins? - Probably.
I can't promise not to eat them, but I will admire them first.
- Look, we deserve a treat.
- You're right.
- Do you think they'll refund the deposit? - Eh? Oh, Jen, I don't need to go to a fancy spa to practise mindfulness when I can do it in the privacy of my own head.
You'd rather we hung on to that cash, wouldn't you? No.
No, I think we should compromise.
Keep half the contingency, and spend the other half on, um - a weekend away with the kids.
- Really? You've got me through all this.
That's why we need to celebrate.
- Ohh.
- Don't.
Get a room, you two.
Listen, we're going to Center Parcs, you two are coming with us.
- Adam.
- Look at the face.
Aww.
- Hiya.
- Hi.
- Who are those for? - They're for Tina.
She wasn't in so I took them.
I see.
- Dad.
- It fell out.
Oh, sure it did.
- You shouldn't have.
- I didn't.
Matt signed for them.
- Huh.
Seems pretty determined.
- Mm.
- I didn't get it either.
- What? Um, you know Why he's still sending you flowers.
- You told him to do one.
- You gotta give him points for trying.
Why? I mean, come on, flowers are such a cliche.
Does he not have any imagination? This guy's not good enough for you.
He's not good enough for his wife.
- He's an arsehole.
- Tell me what you really think.
- You asked me for my opinion.
- No, I didn't.
True.
But you should hear it anyway.
But you know what? If you're shallow enough to be swayed by a couple of bunches of cheap flowers, then he does deserve you.
I've left her.
It's you I want to be with.