M*A*S*H (MASH) s06e07 Episode Script

[Hawkeye.]
Get her down right over there.
[Chattering.]
- Hawkeye? - Yeah? - Take a look at this.
- [Mulcahy.]
Oh, dear.
- What do you think? - You'd better dress those burns stat.
- Get Winchester to cover for you out here.
- Get her into pre-op.
Start a saline I.
V.
[Inaudible Dialogue.]
Pierce.
There's a child in that car with a dislocated clavicle.
- Get him inside and have him x-rayed right away.
- I'll check him in a second.
- Just get him inside.
- Colonel, the principle of triage is to take the neediest first, not the best dressed.
- What's the problem? - What makes her think I have to take a clavicle before something else? She didn't.
I told you.
I got a busted femur here.
When do I take her? What are you getting so cranky about? You do the femur first, then do the clavicle.
Just get to the kid as soon as you can.
[Airplane Roaring Overhead.]
[Inaudible Dialogue.]
Pierce? You called, mon Colonel? Madame Min's mother's back at her estate.
She needs medical attention.
- This is all pretty light stuff.
I think we can spare you.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, possibly I could stop by around I'll explain to you later what an ass you're making of yourself.
- Park your carcass in that car.
- Thank you.
If Scott and Zelda drop by, have them wait by the pool.
[Hawkeye.]
Nice wheels.
I guess this heap must've set you back quite a bundle, huh? You don't talk much, do you? I know it's very lower class of me to get upset, but when the local countess butts in on a line of sick people, I get a fast case of rising gorge.
When a person you love is in pain, it is very hard to wait.
- They're all in pain, lady.
- [Chickens Clucking.]
This is it? This is the estate? Yes.
As you can see, many artillery shells fall short of the mark.
- [Speaking In Korean.]
- [Responding In Korean.]
Tell her I have a diploma and everything.
She wants me to change into my everyday clothes.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Let's see what we got here.
- [Speaking In Korean.]
Look.
I'm a doctor.
See? [Margaret.]
This is Lieutenant Gleason.
She's just been transferred from Tokyo.
- Hi.
I'm Peggy.
- I'm Bobbie.
- Why don't you help change this? - I'll show you your tent later.
- Yes, Major.
Come on over here and put one of these on.
No use getting dirty.
Ooh.
Things really move fast around here.
Five o-clock this morning, I was dancing down the Ginza with a lieutenant colonel under one arm and a bottle of hot sake in the other.
- A farewell party, huh? - Yeah.
- Must've been tough leaving Tokyo to come here.
- Well, I'll tell you I was glad to get away from that dimwit colonel.
- All hands and no brains.
- Let's hold down the chat, Lieutenant.
Major, that is the last you'll hear from me about old Donald Dimwit.
- Old Donald? - Yeah.
What a cluck.
- What? - Major, I'm sure it couldn't have been your Donald.
Well, of course not! What was his last name? Uh, well, we didn't actually get to know each other on a last-name basis.
Ohh.
But he was a cluck? - Uh, well, in an amusing sort of way.
- Uh-huh.
- Major, don't you think we oughta change this dressing? - Right.
And later on you can tell us all about Donald Cluck.
- What'll I do now? - Just keep away from her for a couple of days.
- Gleason, you're at my table.
- And watch out for the scalpels.
[Both Speaking Korean.]
I think your mother may have pneumonia.
I gave her some medication but there's really not much to do but let it take its course.
- I'll come back tomorrow to see how she's doing.
- Thank you, Doctor.
- [Korean.]
- That your daughter? No.
She and her mother lost their home in an air raid.
Her father died a year ago in the war.
We had some room, so I just asked them to stay with us.
- What about the others here? The same? - Yes.
The same.
Eight people stay with us.
- How do you manage? - Not so bad.
We have some chickens for eggs.
We grow vegetables in the garden.
There's a well about a mile away where we get water.
You haul water from a mile away? How can you do that? That's where the water is.
- I guess I owe you an apology, huh? - For what? Can I help with anything? Can I get you some medicine, some clothing, some food? I wanna make up for some of those wonderful things I said before.
- Do you speak any French? - Just a petit peu.
- You need something translated? - No.
I just want to hear it again.
I studied in Paris when I was young.
And then there was the very intelligent man from our village a doctor, used to come to the house.
We would talk in French about art, literature.
He's gone now, huh? All the men in the village are gone, except the very old and the very young.
These people are very dear to me but no one here know La Rochefoucauld.
Isn't he the one who said, "Evil to him who evil thinks"? - "Honi soit qui mal y pense"? - Yeah.
- No.
- No.
Well, then, I don't know who he is either.
You know, you have a fantastic attitude.
That you can go through all of this and still smile is wonderful.
I guess nothing is all that bad unless you think it is.
- You do know La Rochefoucauld.
- I do? - That's from one of his poems.
- Oh.
"One is only as happy or unhappy as one imagines.
" You know, uh Je suis poulet a la poetry.
- What? - What did you mean to say? That I'm pulled toward poetry.
- What did I say? - You said you was a chicken.
- Nice-looking taxi driver.
- That's a fantastic woman.
You know, she's taken in a bunch of widows and kids to live with her? - That's why I put her at the head of the line.
- Why didn't you tell me? Because when they make you a colonel they take the bone out of your head that makes you explain orders.
- We're gonna drink your whiskey.
You wanna join us? - As long as you're buying.
You think she'd be willing to see me again and again and again and again? - Is this your heart going thumpity-thumpity-thump? - Oh, do yourself a favor.
- Don't fall in love during a war.
- Why shouldn't he? Because war is cruel.
For every hello, there are two good-byes.
- I wonder if she'd go out to dinner with me? - Love and war don't mix.
The rockets' red glare is no candlelit supper.
You realize you're talking to the post? I might as well.
I ain't gettin' anywhere with him.
Aha! Mm.
Your hands are for surgery.
Would you have dinner with me? - Would you like to share our evening meal with us? - No.
I mean, let's have dinner.
Let's go out.
- Where? - Uncle Ho's.
We can eat by candlelight.
Uncle Ho has been bombed out for six months.
I know.
You can always get a table there now.
- [Both Speaking Korean.]
- No.
It's all right.
- We're finished.
We're done.
Tell her we're done.
- [Korean.]
- [Korean.]
- Okay.
Rest up.
Rest up.
Come on.
What do you say? We can take our own food.
We'll get a break from the war.
I'll pick you up tomorrow night around 7:00, okay? Okay.
If you touch one of my artichoke hearts, I will cut out yours.
Charles, I met somebody who means a great deal to me, and I want this to be special.
- Please? - All right.
Here.
With my compliments.
And have a really romantic evening, Pierce.
Wild boar goulash? That s sounds really, uh, interesting.
Oh, mm-mmm.
The can's a bit swollen.
You better have her taste it first.
I think I'll try the Mess Tent.
[Hawkeye.]
I hope our table's ready.
I hate waiting at the bar.
[Object Clattering.]
You'll love this place.
It's so informal.
Designed by the famous Italian architect, Al Fresco.
- Candlelight.
- Violin music.
## [Phonograph: Violin.]
- What is that? - Beethoven.
- It's the only violin music I had.
- Nice.
I brought some kimchi and some dried fish.
- I hope you like dried fish.
- I love dried fish.
I hope you love pork and beans.
- What's the matter? - I'm afraid.
- Of what? - That this will go too far.
That I will feel something I haven't felt in a long time.
Kyung Soon, I'm touched by you.
By the way you sit in a bombed-out house and makejokes in French.
Even by the way you yank vegetables out of the ground and carry water from a mile away.
And I like the way you pat the chickens when you take their eggs away.
And your eyes have shot their arrows into my heart.
- That's from Dante.
- I know.
I got that out of a Classic Comics edition of The Divine Comedy.
I thought it wouldn't hurt to throw it in.
So how about me? You think I'm cute? I'm touched by you, too, because you care about my people and I like your laughter, your warmth.
And your eyes have shot their arrows into my heart too.
- So what are you afraid of? - Of everything.
- Will you dance with me? - I don't think we should.
Will you? Please? Yes.
What does "Kyung Soon" mean? Does that mean anything? It means I'm bright and obedient, but my father used to tease me.
I'm not very obedient.
What does "Hawkeye" mean? That's just the name of a character in a book my father liked.
It just means eye of the hawk.
- What is hawk? - It's sort of a cute vulture.
And your father named you this? Birds like that are very big in our country.
On Thanksgiving, we eat a turkey, which is kind of a vulture with a double chin.
- We have Thanksgiving too.
It's called Choosuk.
- Mm? The autumn festival.
On that day, we travel to the graves of our ancestors honor them with rice cake and rice wine.
Do you have custom for that day? Our custom is to try to eat everything we see the turkey, the table a couple of chairs.
[Rooster Crowing.]
It's gonna be light soon.
- You have to go? - Yeah.
They told us to expect casualties right after dawn.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
I have to go now.
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.
I have to leave.
- So long.
- So long.
I'm getting in my jeep, and I'm driving away now.
- Here I go.
I'm leaving.
- [Rooster Crowing.]
All right.
I'm going.
I'm going.
Lieutenant, I was just thinking about you.
Major, I really don't know any more about Donald than what I told you.
Who was thinking of Donald? But as long as you brought him up was he wearing a Masonic pinky ring? - I don't think it was him, Major.
- Wait a minute.
It couldn't have been him.
Donald wasn't even in Tokyo last week.
- Oh.
- The man you were out with must have been a total drip.
He was a lunatic.
He kept licking my fingernails.
[Gibberish.]
- Licking your fingernails? - Isn't that creepy? [Howling.]
It was him! It was him! It was him! It was Donald! It was him! [Continues Howling.]
[Klinger.]
Captain, that lady you examined the one with pneumonia? - She's taken a turn.
They think she's dying.
- Oh, God.
- They want you right away.
- I can't.
I'm trying to put this kid's spine back together.
- There's a little boy waiting outside.
What'll I tell him? - Tell him I'll be there soon.
- Have a jeep waiting for me.
Retractor.
- Retractor.
Why does everything bad always happen at once around here? - You probably like to hunt and fish, don't you? - I beg your pardon? Well, what was the attraction? Are you athletic? Firm muscles, is that it? As far as I know, all I have is firm fingernails.
- What the hell is going on? - [Potter.]
Major, would you get on the phone see what's holding up our shipment of hemostats? - I'll have someone do it immediately.
- I'd rather you did it.
- I'm rather busy right now.
- I'd really rather you did it, Major.
- Certainly, Colonel.
- Thank you, Colonel.
- Thank you, Colonel.
- Thank you, Colonel.
- Thank you, Colonel.
Okay, okay.
I get the point.
I'll straighten her out later.
[Mulcahy.]
Thank you, Colonel.
[Engine Running.]
[Crying.]
I couldn't leave.
I was in surgery.
- I know.
- I'm so sorry.
She kept asking for you, you know in that demanding tone that she has.
That she had.
Colonel Potter, there was no reason to transfer Lieutenant Gleason.
I can handle my personal feelings about her.
Look, Margaret.
I once had a beautiful gelding could jump over a fence as easily as you could step over a crack in the sidewalk.
Only trouble was, every time the horse saw my wife's blue Pontiac he tried to jump over it.
Now, one of 'em had to go.
I could've shot the horse divorced my wife, or sold the car.
- What do you think I did? - You could've painted the car.
You know, I never thought of that.
Anyway, you're more important to me than Gleason was so I had her transferred, period.
Well, I guess it's over and done with.
I told them to send her as far away from here as they could.
Not Tokyo? Gee, I never stopped to think about it.
You never You I should've shot the horse.
Kyung Soon, you wanna answer me? I stay in this place because it was my mother's house, out of respect for her.
- Even there's nothing left of it.
- All right.
So you won't stay in this house anymore.
Why do you have to leave Ouijongbu? How can I stay here? How can I do that to the children? I can't even let them play in the fields because of the land mines.
In another two years, the boys would learn to be thieves, and the girls What do you think will happen to the girls? So where will you take them? There's a missionary school in the South, near Changnyeong.
At least they get an education there.
- How will you live down there? - I've sold everything we had of any value.
Some silver.
That dress I had.
The phonograph.
- You sold the phonograph? - And I traded the car for a pair of oxen.
- Why? - A car needs gasoline but the oxen can eat grass at the side of the road.
- You're being awfully practical.
- I thought you liked that about me.
The way I dug for vegetables and carried water.
Kyung Soon, how can you leave? How can I stay? ## [Singing Dirge In Korean.]
Look, out of this whole war, at least there are two weeks you won't wanna forget.
- Doesn't that help? - Would it help you? No.
I guess not.
Charles, do you have to poison the air with that smell? Why don't you go on over to Rosie's, let her fix you some Korean food? Because the only thing capable of consuming Korean food has four wheels and flies.
[Chuckles.]
All right.
- Where's my steak? - It is now a Korean welcome mat.
- You lunatic! - You better take a walk, or I'm gonna make you eat that.
You haven't the courage to confront a man face-to-face.
You attack his meat behind his back.
- Charles - Colonel Potter! I can't let her go.
Let her go.
[Oxen Nickers.]
Do you have room for this? Yes.
Thank you.
- Do you know what record this is? - Yeah.
I wanna tell you how much it's meant to me having you come into my life but there aren't words for it.
- Will you write me? - Of course I will.
Long letters full of everything you're going through, every detail of what you do.
Yes.
- And I'll write you too.
- Yes, please.
- And we won't stop, no matter what.
We'll keep writing.
- Yes.
- Not just for a month or two.
- No.
We keep writing.
I'll never see you again.
We'll write a few notes as a graceful gesture of futility and I'll never see you again.
[Inhales Sharply.]
- [Glasses Clinking.]
- This place stinks.
- Right.
The food stinks.
The liquor stinks.
- And the smell stinks.
- You said it.
- And the war stinks.
- It certainly does.
What are you agreeing for? You're one of the things around here that stinks.
So what are you gonna do? I'm gonna take him back.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna let her go.
That stinks.
It certainly does.