The Croods: Family Tree (2021) s06e07 Episode Script

[grunts in effort]
-[scream]
-[growls]
-Hey, is it just me
or does the tree house
look shorter?
EEP:
Actually, it does.
-I wonder why.
-Don't look at me.
Or maybe do.
My magic is a mystery,
even to me.
-ALL: Hm
-You wanna know why?!
I'll tell you why. With a story!
-No!
Wait, actually,
I do wanna hear this story.
-Good! Now, let me
tell you what happened
right after
Fun Flam Farm Floop
Ah, whatever!
Let's live wild,
the world's our own
We built this wheel
now it's gunna roll
You know a spark
becomes a fire wherever we go
Whoa-ho-ho
Stuck together,
stuck, stuck together
It's an evolution
for worse or for better
To find some unity
For all humanity
Because
we're stuck together
In one big family tree
-After you kids
left to find Chunky,
your parents had the farm
all to themselves.
-Isn't this nice?
With the kids gone,
I finally have some free time,
which equals me time.
-Yeah. Now, I can
run the obstacle course
without Sandy destroying
all the targets before I can.
-And I can go
to the warm springs!
Because I want to,
and I deserve it.
-[cracks knuckles]
-We can do whatever we want.
-Ah! Except eat breakfast,
I guess.
-What's the problem?
-Phil
-I agree.
Phil's the problem. Ah!
-We're waiting
because it's not polite to eat
until everyone is seated.
This is my only opportunity
to have
a civilized adult meal.
So you're just
going to have to wait.
-[panting] The wait is over!
-Finally!
-That's right. My latest
and greatest invention
is complete!
-Whoa!
-Now, follow me!
-Ah! I'll save you, breakfast!
[screams]
GRAN:
And that was the end of Grug.
I wish!
It was actually the beginning
of another Phil fail.
Or "Philure."
-You invented a chair?
-It's not just a chair.
It's the Betterman
Muscle Massager!
-Did you say "massage"?
-Indeed!
Now, relax, my dear,
and wave goodbye
-to your back bothers.
-[shuddering]
-[chair rattling]
-Well, Hope? What do you think?
-[voice vibrating]:
Sorry, I can't hear you
over all this relaxing.
-[cranks lever]
-[normal voice]: Ah.
Wow, Phil.
You really are a genius.
-No, I'm the genius! Ugga?
-Care to partake?
-Heh. Why not?
-[crank, rattling]
-[voice vibrating]: Mm-- Oh!
Phil, I take back
everything bad
I've ever said about you.
This ah-mazing.
-Of course, it is.
For I am the greatest inventor
[echoing]:
who has ever lived!
[normal voice]:
Before Phil,
or BP as I'm calling it,
there was only darkness.
A vast intellectual void
populated by drooling
cave-dwelling simpletons!
-[crank]
-And you ruined it.
-Let's see if it can
uncoil these springs.
I'm wound pretty tight.
-[crank, rattling]
-[shuddering]
-What do you think?
-[voice vibrating]:
What do I think of what?
-Is it on?
-[sighs] Yes, it's on.
But you probably can't feel
the medicinal vibrations
through your thick
rhimotherous-like hide.
I'll turn it up.
-[grunts]
-[crank, rattling]
-[voice vibrating]:
Still not feeling it.
And can this thing lean back?
-It's a chair, not a bed!
Besides, a chair that
reclines is impossible.
-[straining, yelping]
-[cracking]
-Do you feel that?
-[voice vibrating]:
Feel what?
Maybe it's broken.
-Grug, no!
You're going to break it!
-[voice vibrating]:
Sorry, Phil!
I guess you're bad at chairs!
-Hm? -[gasps]
-[cracking]
-[rattling stops]
-[normal voice]:
Pfft. Total bust.
-[all screaming]
[crash]
-[coughing] Is everyone okay?
-[coughing] More importantly,
is the Betterman
Muscle Massager okay?
-[grunts]
"Okay" might be a stretch.
-My boy! My beautiful boy!
[sobbing]
-Phil, is this another
one of your hidden caves?
-This isn't mycave.
-It's somebody's cave!
Or it was.
-Based on
the acidity of the ash,
I estimate this fire burned
over a thousand moons ago.
-Mm! I'll take
some of that ash action.
-And to think,
this rudimentary refuge rests
just below the tree house.
My temple of progress.
-Hey, Ugga! Doesn't this
remind you of the fire pit
-we had in our cave?
-Yeah!
Only this one's way nicer.
-Ugh, can you imagine
how difficult and miserable
life must have been
for these poor,
primitive cave people?
-First, ease up
on the cave-bashing.
And second, they must not
have been thatprimitive.
They had a chair
just like Phil's.
PHIL:
Huh
Hm
Hm again.
Third and final hm.
This chair is nothing like mine.
It may appear similar,
but the notion
these below-ground barbarians
engineered a massage chair
eons before
I did is preposterous!
Nay, laughable.
Ha, ha, ha! See?
-[crank, rattling]
-[vibrating sigh]
-[vibrating voice]:
You're right, Phil!
This chair
is nothing like yours
'cause it works!
[sighs]
-[crank]
-Oh! It reclines!
Ugga! You gotta try this!
It's sitting, but better!
-[voice vibrating]:
Oh! It's like my back's
being pummeled
by a thousand
tiny punch monkeys,
but in a good way.
-Ah! Guess you're not
the greatest inventor
who ever lived, Phil,
'cause thiswas made
by cave people!
-I'll never let you go,
massage chair.
-Massage chair that reclines!
Phil said only beds do that,
but he was wrong!
-[growls]
-So, they built a chair
that massages and reclines.
Big whoop.
-Well, that's enough
subterranean slumming
for one day.
If anyone needs me,
I'll be above ground,
like a civilized human being.
[struggling]
As soon as someone
gives me a boost.
-What are you doing?
-What does it
look like I'm doing?!
-Swinging angrily.
Phil, it's justa chair.
-Oh, yes. The chair. [scoffs]
Truth is,
I'd forgotten all about it.
-Really?
-No!
Why do you think
I'm swinging angrily?
-So, some old cave person
had one good idea.
You've had so many good ideas.
-Like what? And spare no detail.
-I'll do you one better.
-Hm?
-I kinda wrote you
a little song.
Because of you
and your machine
Our fresh eggs
are collected
And Betterman Security
Helps keep
our farm protected
Thanks to the pipes
and taps you built
At home, the water gushes
Your outhouse
offers us relief
With just
a few good flushes
So Phil, my dear,
now can't you see
Your worth as a creator?
I even saved
the best for last
Your tree house
Elevator!
-[goat-like scream]
-Yes! Your song is almost
as brilliant as I am, my dear!
-[rumbling]
-Hm?
-Hey, Phil!
Look who built an elevator
before you did?
Cave people, that's who!
[grunts]
-[dejected sigh]
-So, they invented
an elevator, too.
It happens. But they definitely
don't have indoor water.
- And they have indoor water!
-Cold and hot.
Ah! Hot! [panting]
-I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
-You okay, Phil?
-Why wouldn't I be?!
Just because
my greatest achievements
were already achieved
by some ancient cave cretins?
Which means
I'm not the greatest inventor
who ever lived?
[crying]
-You're forgetting
two important things.
One, you're Phil Betterman.
And two, you're still alive.
-Which means Phil Betterman
can still be the greatest
inventor who ever lived!
Thank you, Hope,
for being the fire to my forest!
-[panting]
-Yeah, not sure
that'sa good thing.
PHIL:
Since I was a boy,
I dreamt one day, my ingenuity
would be put to the test,
Philliam.
And that day
has finally arrived,
which means
it's time to consult
the Betterman
Book of Brilliance,
a collection
of the greatest ideas
thismind has ever conceived,
hidden away from prying eyes.
Our journey will be long.
And hard.
But the juice
will most certainly be
worth the squeeze!
GRAN:
So, Phil went
to find his doodle book.
-[grunts] Ow!
GRAN:
And he brought that stick
he talks to 'cause he's Phil.
-Ow!
[screaming, grunting]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[screaming, grunting]
[straining]
-Well, Philliam, we made it.
And now, a date with destiny.
[grunts] Behold.
The Betterman Book of--
[gasps]
It's gone!
Some knowledge bandit
has absconded with my--
Hm
That's right.
I left it on my desk. [sighs]
Ah, yes, Philliam. The hammock!
One of my earliest triumphs.
Snoozing
was never the same.
The sandal!
A revolution in footwear!
Only to be bested
by my next brainchild.
The other sandal!
No longer
would feet have to share!
But these are relics.
Souvenirs of a time gone by.
And I need something new.
Something exciting!
Something like this!
-You've done it again, Phil.
-Correct.
And when I reveal it to those
cave crawlers Grug and Ugga,
they'll be forced
to recognize me as the GOAT!
-You wanna be called "Goat"?
I mean,
you probably just have to ask.
-No, the G-O-A-T:
Greatest Of All Time.
Because I am.
-Okay But can't we take
the cave elevator,
or do you have to climb down
because you're a goat?
-I'm not a goat! Forget goats.
And I won't endanger my life
in that death trap.
Now, hold my stroke of genius
while I precariously
lower myself
into this very deep hole.
-[vine snaps]
-[screaming]
-[crash]
-[groans]
-[rattling]
-[happy shuddering]
-Ah, hot!
Aw, hey, Phil.
Back to admit
you got cave crushed?
-We're not here to grovel!
Or relax.
We're here to astonish.
Behold the Betterman
Bright Beam!
I've used crystal to focus
and intensify light itself.
Darkness is
no match for this marvel.
It's the single
greatest invention
this world has ever seen!
-Not bad, but we already have
something just like that.
-Except better.
-You lie!
-Ta-da! Let there be light beam.
And check this out!
When I want dark, boop!
I can turn it off! See?
-[Hope groans]
-On. Off.
-[both groan]
-On. Off. On. Off. On. O--
Ooh! Check this out. Ugga?
Hello, Phil!
Remember when you found out
cave people
are smarter than you?
-[imitating Phil]:
Yes, Grug, because that
was today, you chickenseal!
-[normal voice]:
Hey! I'm not a chickenseal!
I'm a man!
[grunting, screaming]
-Okay Well,
this was fun. Right, Phil?
-This isn't over!
I shall prevail!
-So, Phil went crawling back
to his lab cave.
-Nice. Enjoying the story, Gran,
'cause it didn't just happen
to us like the last one.
-Not that I expect an answer,
but what does any of this
have to do with the tree house?
-Keep your shirt on, no-shirt!
I'm gettin' there!
Phil pulled out his book
of doodads and doodlybops
or whatever
to find inspiration for his
next greatest thingamajig.
-Worried about becoming
a bearacuda's lunch?
-Now, you can escape
ravenous predators at top speed!
Behold, the Betterman
Wheeled Wonder!
-That's great.
If you're alone.
-But us cave people know
it's safer to travel in pairs.
[Ugga and Grug laughing]
-That's a great idea!
Why didn't you
think of that, Phil?
-[growls, shouts]
- Ugga, you know
we love Gran, right?
-No. Curious to see
where this is going, though.
-But her tooth hygiene is,
let's face it, sub-par.
-[deep laughter]
-Fair point. And I'm still
on board for this journey.
-Well, now you can keep your
pearly chompers past childhood.
Thanks to
the Betterman Tooth Tickler!
-[muffled]:
Just brush twice a day
to stop tooth decay!
-Well, down in the cave,
we say why brush
when you can buzz?
-[buzzing]
-[aggressively brushing]
-Ah! My eyes!
-[Hope straining]
-You've really outdone yourself,
Phil!
This is your greatest
[grunts] creation yet!
PHIL:
This will secure my legacy
as a trailblazer of technology!
-[loud thud]
-Uh-huh!
Can you please tell me again
why we didn't just
use the elevator?
-As previously stated, I don't
trust that primitive gewgaw
to deliver
this beacon of progress.
-I hate to break it to you,
Phil,
and I'm pretty sure boxes
have already been invented.
-This is no mere box!
Behold!
The Betterman Cooling Cabinet!
A container that keeps
its contents cool,
thus eliminating food spoilage.
And if thisdoesn't convince you
I'm the greatest inventor,
nothing will!
-Can you just say he is,
so we can all
move on with our lives
and I can go
to the warm springs?
-I wish I could, Hope.
Actually, I don't, 'cause Phil.
And I can't 'cause
we've got one of those, too.
-What? Impossible!
-Where do you think
I got this ice from?
-It makes ice? Here?
-[clattering]
-On its own?
-Sure. Yours doesn't?
-Face it, Phil. All the stuff
you think you invented
was already invented
a long time ago.
By cave people. Mypeople!
Which means I pretty much
invented everything down here.
Which means I'm a better
inventioner than you!
Which means I'm
the greatest inventioner ever!
-Uh, Grug.
I don't think that's a word.
Or how it works.
-Sure, it is because
I just inventionered it.
-No. This can't be!
It's like the world
is upside down.
Empty is full!
Failure is success!
Throw-go-nut is no-go-nut! Why?
-Why?!
-Maybe you should lie down.
-Or try out the cave bubble tub.
It's like warm springs
only better.
-Warm springs?
Only better? Where?
-Right over there.
-There, there, Phil.
You just feel bad
because you're a failure.
But I know exactly what
you need to feel better.
-Massage chair!
-[Phil grunts]
[crank, rattling]
-[voice vibrating]:
No
My back never felt better!
-Mm
-You're welcome!
-[breeze blowing]
-Betterment Book of Brilliance?
Ugh, more like
Betterman Book of uh
Ah, I can't even insult
my own work properly!
Well, I guess
the only thing left to do
is burn this carcass
of unremarkable contrivances.
[grunting]
Philliam.
Do you know what this is?
What? No.
My chili recipe's in
the Betterman Book of Beef.
That's where
I keep my meat recipes
and a list of grievances. No.
Thisis far more important.
Thisis my salvation!
[echoing maniacal laughter]
[wheezing]
-[water flowing, bubbling]
-Hm Ah
-I'm just glad to see you
finally embracing caves.
-If you can't beat 'em,
take advantage
of their sweet hot tub.
-Hot tub! That's a good name.
I could see that sticking.
Feel bad for Phil, though.
Must be hard to be upstaged
by an ancient civilization.
Especially 'cause
it's in his own backyard.
-Or under it. Ouch.
-I'm not worried about Phil
'cause I never worry about Phil!
-I'm sure he'll be fine.
-Of course!
I mean, Phil has gone
to dark places before,
but he's always crawled out.
[Phil grunting]
[clang]
-It's like they say, Philliam.
If you can't beat them,
dig a tunnel around their cave,
plant a series
of explosive devices,
and destroy it.
-[grunting] Uh
-[clank, crumbling]
[coughing]
What?
Preexisting network
of tunnels? Gah!
Why can't I be first
at doing anything?!
GRUG:
Whoa. Check this out!
It's like Glowshine Lake,
but in a cave,
so it's way better!
UGGA: You know, I could really
see myself living in this cave.
-I could see myself
dying in here
'cause I never wanna leave.
-I could never
say this in front of Phil,
but this cave really does have
everything you could ever need.
-And soon,
it will have a pile of rocks
where everything used to be.
That's it, Philliam.
We've rigged
all the tunnels for destruction!
Now, the hard part.
Extricating
those tunnel traitors.
[straining]
Actually, turning around
in this tunnel seems
to be the hard part.
[grunting]
[straining] Oh! At last.
[gasps]
Hm. I don't recall
a giant fan being there.
Must have gotten
my vines crossed.
-[water bubbling]
-Yep, the cave is pretty great.
But the truth is,
I love the tree house.
And this is still a cave.
A hot, musty cave.
I think I'm gonna
go get some fresh air.
-Is thisfresh enough for you?
[grunts]
-[whirring]
-[Phil gasps]
-That's not good.
[grunting, straining]
[wheezing]:
And that's even worse.
-I'm not feeling any air, Grug!
-Huh, I don't get it.
It was working earlier.
Maybe I just need to pull
this lever a bunch of times.
[grunting]
[air blasting]
-Hold on, Philliam!
The winds of change are upon us!
-[wind blasting]
-[screaming]
-[grunting]
-[cranking]
-Grug! It's obviously broken.
-Ah, but maybe I'll fix it
by pulling the lever
way too many times.
-[grunting]
-[cranking]
-Well, I've had
enough cave for one day.
I'm gonna go check on Phil.
-[Phil screaming]
-Phil?
-[crashing, thudding]
-[Phil screaming, grunting]
-Phil!
-[wind blowing]
-Ah. Fresh, cool air.
Told you I'd fix it.
-Why were you in the wall?
And what is that?
-Phil, I know
you're trying to prove
you're the greatest
inventor of all time,
but the stick of sounds
has already been invented.
-[stick belches]
-Ha, ha, ha! Best thing ever!
-This isn't a stick of sounds!
It's a detonator!
And when I push this button,
the cocobooms
I've planted will explode,
destroying this cave
and everything in it!
-[click, goat-like scream]
-[laughs] Gets me every time!
Wait, did you just say
you were gonna blow up the cave?
-And everything in it!
-So, say your goodbyes and--
-HOPE: Not the hot tub, Phil!
Not on my watch.
-Give me the detonator, Hope!
-I don't have it!
-Now, Ugga, be reasonable
-Said the guy who's about
to blow up the cave
because he's jealous!
And I don't have it either.
PHIL: Grug!
[deliberate]:
You're going to give me that
because my voice
is molding your mind.
-Sure. Here you go.
-Grug!
-I mean, no way!
You'll never get this from me,
even if you talk to me!
[grunts]
-Hm?
Ha! Thank you, Grug.
-[disappointed sighs]
-Now,
what was I doing
before all this commotion?
Ah, yes.
Blowing up the cave!
-Which means it's time to go.
Everyone out.
-[Hope sighs]
-Wait! Phil! Look!
I think these are the people
who lived in this cave.
-And why would
I want to look at that?
-Because they look
exactly like you, Phil.
-Yeah. [shudders]
[Grug continues shuddering]
-Do you know what this means?
-Yeah!
These cave people were uuug-ly!
-No, you grunt geyser.
It means the people who lived
in this cave were Bettermans!
Which means those inventions
are actually mine!
-Not sure
that's how it works, Phil.
-I don't know why I'm surprised.
It makes perfect sense
I'd be the descendant
of brilliance.
Genius is a dominant trait,
after all.
And to think
I was going to destroy
this monument
to human ful-Phil-ment!
Spelled with my name, of course.
-Yeah! Like this stick
that makes funny noises.
-[click, distant explosion]
-Ah, it's broken.
-[gasps]
-[click, airhorn blows]
-It's not broken because
it's not the stick of sounds!
It's the detonator!
[crumbling]
Run!
[all panting, yelling]
[screaming]
[rumbling]
[screaming]
[slow motion screaming]
[normal screaming]
[all groaning]
[gasps]
-Phil! You blew up the cave!
-Technically, Grug did,
but now's
not the time to point fingers
because it's possible
the cave might still be--
-[all scream]
-[crumbling]
-Bye-bye, massage chair.
-So long, ice machine.
-Farewell, hot tub.
You were the warm springs
of my heart.
-Aw
-Phil, I'm really sorry
your ancestral cave is gone.
-Even though
it's all your fault.
-The good news is the tree house
is still standing tall.
-[rumbling]
-Hm?
[loud crash]
Okay. Well, still standing.
[deep growling]
[nervous laugh]
-And that'swhat happened
to the tree house.
-Hmm
-Wow.
Now, that'sa story!
-Hang on, Gran.
You weren't with us when
we went to get Chunky.
-And you weren't here
when we discovered that cave.
-Yeah. So, how do
you know these stories?
[guffawing]
[giggles]
[giggling]
[screaming]
[laughing]
-Good questions.
And the answers
you seek can be found
in another story!
-Many moons ago
-GUY: No--